You still have the energy of a teenager Sarah...seriously. ONE MILLION Words?! Your like a copy machine on fire.
I can't say much about your fanfiction, because it's just a retell of your story, it adds nothing more then some comical side to it, and while it IS fun to read it has no real depth of it's own. It's sheer comedy in my eyes.
It's not completely the same as the actual game but yes, there are events that do happen the same way they do in the game. Some stories - like
Victory at Ostagar - have an AU event that makes it believable that things can be completely different or take place after the game - like
Two Roads Diverged - and thus can feel free to ignore a lot of it.
Your story hasn't progressed past the Deep Roads so I'm not sure how you'll handle all the changes you plan to make but I've read a lot of fanfiction and a lot of AUs have changes that do not logically follow from the diverging point. Take
Harry Potter and the Autumn Swan, for instance. The change is that Cho agrees to go to the ball with Harry as Cedric hasn't asked yet. The event that changed was the time of Cedric's askin. Some changes in that fic are believable. Harry becoming a better student by dating a Ravenclaw in the year above him, Cho and Marietta not being friends anymore over the Harry issue, Harry and Cho becoming a solid couple, Cho befriending Luna because she's not anti-Harry and she needs to find new friends after Marietta, ad even Harry finding out his parents left a mysterious message at the Chang restaurant but died before getting to pick it up are examples of reasonable changes in the story. The department heads at the ministry suddenly deciding that they're not going to accept the Educational Decrees as proposed and tone them all done, Hedwig randomly turning into a beautiful human named Helena Willows for Sirius to romance, and Sirius not being sent through the Veil at the Department of Mysteries but instead in a coma are not believable changes because what does Harry dating Cho have to do with any of it? The author justifies those changes because it is an AU but unless the premise is 'this isn't canon so we can do whatever the hell we want' then it makes no sense.
It's like with the recent DLC. The premise was
supposed to be 'the PC died in the Joining' but they really made it 'let's just screw around with Ferelden' by having Alistair choose the opposite course of action he would in the game, sided with Howe, not going after the ashes you yourself aren't given a choice about, having Loghain possibly charge even though he didn't fail to do so because of the PC, having Eamon not fall in until after calling a Landsmeet and Alistair possibly agreeing to marry Anora of his own free will...Morrigan hanging around for the DR but claiming its for the lulz, Alistair having something with Leliana, Sten not respecting Alistair enough to stay, not letting Zevran stay, and telling Oghren to buzz off, on the other hand, are believable changes.
I really love the DN origin and so I'll admit there was virtually no change during those chapters. There was a not-in-game tour of Ferelden to find more recruits in chapter four but when they got to Ostagar there was no reason for Cailan not to insist she light the beacon and she couldn't very well turn him down, there was no reason for Loghain to charge unless I stole the idea Arsinoe de Blassenville had about how to get the beacon lit in time from Victory at Ostagar, there was no reason for the tower not to have been overrun and Flemeth not to save them. After that, they really couldn't reach any other part of Ferelden without passing through Lothering first and they need to go after the treaties as the King's army is gone and Loghain has labelled them traitors even if he did have sufficient force to drive back the Blight and he didn't even feel he had enough at Ostagar. They went to the Circle first because of all the rumors about demons and what could my PC possibly have done to convince Uldred who she only ever saw at the strategy meeting being shutdown by the Revered Mother not to side with Loghain to try and free themselves from the Chantry? And preventing him from getting possessed? She wouldn't even know where to begin.
If you think that makes my story lack depth then so be it but I can't very well just say 'I'm changing this because it will make it more awesome!' like so many other stories do. If it doesn't make sense to change it then it's not going to be changed. That said, I do prefer writing humor over epics and we have a very different worldview as it is so you're going to naturally focus more on the horrors of war and whatnot while I have never experienced anything even remotely like that so it's not going to color my writing. It's easier to write what you know, right?
Just the same, you did ask me to give an opinion on your story and if you are incapable of so much as a simple 'I liked the chapter, nice use of ____' then can you really expect me to take the time to comment on yours? It may not be what you'd consider epic or deep but you really have
nothing to say about 8,000 words?
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