11146 réponses à ce sujet

[Sarah1281]

Ugh, it's been seven hours and no one's gotten back to me on my Trian question.

[Costin_Razvan]

Punching seems more emotional and plebian to really be Bhelen's style, especially in public. Of course, if your character just happened to walk by Bhelen punching him in private where that wouldn't be drawing attention to himself then that might be another thing altogether.

It's going to take place in private, not public.



And I thinking something more extreme then simply punching....

[soignee]

Herr Uhl wrote...

Bhelen would have been trained, but probably not as much as DN and Trian.

He doesn't seem to enjoy fighting either.

never gets his hands dirty, seems the type.

[Sarah1281]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Punching seems more emotional and plebian to really be Bhelen's style, especially in public. Of course, if your character just happened to walk by Bhelen punching him in private where that wouldn't be drawing attention to himself then that might be another thing altogether.

It's going to take place in private, not public.

And I thinking something more extreme then simply punching....

In private...well, if he can ensure that this won't kill Vartag's loyalty to him (which it would take a lot to do as Bhelen's the only one who cares about House Gavorn) then Bhelen's got to have some way to deal with his frustrations of being underestimated and looked down on all the time even if that's exactly the way he's worked so hard to keep it.

[Costin_Razvan]

House Gavorn is completely and utterly loyal to Bhelen. Seriously he could have Vartag thrown to the lava and the head of house would probably congratulate Bhelen for getting rid of an incompetent second.

[Corker]

Sarah1281 wrote...
 while the second time he actually orders you to do so so if you go the first time then you're just admitting that he's right (which he could be no matter how you think of him/act towards him) but if you do so the second time you're respecting his authority?

Could be.  Could be a sort of Sten thing - if you cave too early, you're weak.  Standing up shows strength, which is worthy of respect.  Somebody'll say that's not like Trian, but *shrug*  Given how Bhelen manipulates both siblings, I don't really know what Trian's character is, other than abrasive.

And I'm still peeved by that 'useless breeding flesh' remark. Honestly, if he weren't the named Prince I would really wonder at how he ever managed to get a girlfriend.

He remembers her favorite color is turquoise.   You're supposed to be peeved by the remark, that's why he makes it.

[Gilsa]

Sarah1281 wrote...

Ugh, it's been seven hours and no one's gotten back to me on my Trian question.

The whole point was to show how abrasive Trian was. If the DN is compliant from the get-go, then there needs to be another way to show what an ass Trian is and hence the put down. If you go the "don't talk to Gorim like that route," you're already exposed to this aspect of his personality and things wrap up from there.

Edit: The goal is to have the PC believing that Trian would really go as far as to plot to kill the DN. Whatever dialogue the DN picks, even if ithe DN is the most submissive sibling in the world, conflict must arise.

Modifié par Gilsa, 10 juillet 2010 - 12:58 .

[Corker]

Gilsa nails the meta-answer for the win!

[Sarah1281]

Thinking about it, that probably is the reason he has those lines. Saying you'll go when you're ready has him threatening to 'help' you get over your stubbornness when he's King and saying that you're incompetent and how he's going to have to apologize to everyone because you're going to get all your men killed so Bhelen actually steps in, the 'don't talk to Gorim like that' response leads to him talking about how everyone else is beneath him, and my personal favorite of dragging Bhelen into the conversation doesn't have Trian saying anything all that abrasive (well, besides the 'it's my duty to boss people around' but that's not that bad) but Bhelen mentions Trian telling a legless boy to get a job.



And I know the 'useless breeding flesh' remark is supposed to annoy you but I would SO rather get his line to his brother about how he thinks you're without regard for your duty and station as its infinitely less offensive. It might be more offensive to someone actually from Orzammar, though, than it was to me.

[Costin_Razvan]

Is 3.5 k words enough for chapter 5? ..."shuffles feet."

[soignee]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Is 3.5 k words enough for chapter 5? ..."shuffles feet."

if you wrote everything you need to of it, then yes.

[Costin_Razvan]

I have Bhelen being awesome in it. Ruthless, punching Vartag kind of awesome. Wanted to make it longer but you know....Bhelen!

Modifié par Costin_Razvan, 10 juillet 2010 - 02:39 .

[Sarah1281]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

I have Bhelen being awesome in it. Ruthless, punching Vartag kind of awesome. Wanted to make it longer but you know....Bhelen!

You had me at 'punching Vartag.'

[Costin_Razvan]

Oh I do far more then that... trust me.



Chapter four is up!

[Sarah1281]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Oh I do far more then that... trust me.

Chapter four is up!

Don't take this the wrong way but I think I love you.

[Costin_Razvan]

"Grins with glee."

You can thank Raonar for the idea. At first I simply wanted a letter from Duran, then I wanted to show it Bhelen's face that Duran knew all along...and I wanted a reason for why Duran knew...

Then I thought of Vartag spilling it out for a noble hunter....and I decided Bhelen would punch him in a fit of anger.

However....when I thought of the situation again, I imagined myself in Bhelen's situation as I would watch my plans that I had spent YEARS to work on go down the drain......

I would have boiled Vartag alive in Bhelen's situation....

Modifié par Costin_Razvan, 10 juillet 2010 - 03:06 .

[Raonar]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

"Grins with glee."

You can thank Raonar for the idea. At first I simply wanted a letter from Duran, then I wanted to show it Bhelen's face that Duran knew all along...and I wanted a reason for why Duran knew...

Then I thought of Vartag spilling it out for a noble hunter....and I decided Bhelen would punch him in a fit of anger.

However....when I thought of the situation again, I imagined myself in Bhelen's situation as I would watch my plans that I had spent YEARS to work on go down the drain......

I would have boiled Vartag alive in Bhelen's situation....

Ah, I am glad to know I actually had a positive effect on someone's creativity for once (this past week was full of me forgetting my brothers' and best friends birthdays, among other things)

And what happened with Vartag was so believable, especially with him getting all panicked just before the end.

EDIT

I should also say that my Bhelen will also get rid of Vartag but for different reasons and because, story-wise, the latter will do something critical in the tale. This was something I decided on some time ago.

Modifié par Raonar, 10 juillet 2010 - 01:27 .

[Costin_Razvan]

And what happened with Vartag was so believable, especially with him getting all panicked just before the end.

You would have to be made of steel, like Loghain is, to accept your death like that.



Since Vartag is a worm, he panics before the end.....I think he may have urinated himself.

[Raonar]

I followed your example and made this chapter 7 of mine shorter, just over 5,300 words. Anyway, it does what I wanted, so it's enough for now. I'll probably not post anything new in at least a week or two (have to move out and all, sigh).

[Sarah1281]

Raonar wrote...

I followed your example and made this chapter 7 of mine shorter, just over 5,300 words. Anyway, it does what I wanted, so it's enough for now. I'll probably not post anything new in at least a week or two (have to move out and all, sigh).

Oh, excellent timing. I just finished Chapter Sixteen of my own story and can now go off and read that.

I probably would have had this done earlier but I couldn't bring myself to make it shorter than my self-imposed minimum chapter length.

[Costin_Razvan]

And your minimum is?

[Sarah1281]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

And your minimum is?

...8K.

Kind of unreasonable but since the first chapter ended up WAY longer than I expected at 8.5K that's just sort of how it worked out. That's just for this story, though. Most of my other chapter fics have a minimum length of 3K and my oneshots just have a minimum of 1.5K.

[soignee]

I don't go by length (hurrr durr) or size baby, I go by content. Does it feel done? Am I satisfied? have I ticked off all I wanted to mention in theme? I have? Aaw yeah, publish that baby.



Well alriiiiight.

[Sarah1281]

soignee wrote...

I don't go by length (hurrr durr) or size baby, I go by content. Does it feel done? Am I satisfied? have I ticked off all I wanted to mention in theme? I have? Aaw yeah, publish that baby.

Well alriiiiight.

Oddly enough, around the minimum chapter length is when it starts feeling done, I just have to watch it so it's at 8K rather than, say, 7.7K. In fact, several chapters have gone over that. I just try to keep it semi-consistent.

[KnightofPhoenix]

Wasn't there someone who said "brevity is the soul of wit"?

But I digress. Let's focus more on the future of the Dwarves.
Since we probably can't go to either Orzammar or Kal Sharok, I think we should at least get to explore the dwarven surface community (which wedidn't really get to do in Origins). I suspect the dwarven surface community has some problems, prospects, opportunities...etc that would be interesting to meddle in.

If Hawke will require political allies to attain power like I hope he would, then the Dwarven merchants would be high on the list of important potential allies. 

Modifié par KnightofPhoenix, 10 juillet 2010 - 05:11 .