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The Official Migrant Fleet of Tali'Zorah fans


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#13501
NuclearBuddha

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Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.

She's pretty cool.  Almsot as cool as M...

Nah, couldn't do it with a straight face.

#13502
Landline

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Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.



Like isn't the word I'd use.:wub:

#13503
Matdeception

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Well I opened up my text editor to write something for Tali, when I stumbled across this. I don't remember when I wrote it, no doubt before the game was actually released. Anyway, it's not Tali centric, for which I apologise, but I still found it amusing.

Enjoy!

---

Shepard had been dreaming. It was a nice one, virdian fields, bountiful women of differing hues, rich beer, and the distinct lack of mechanical monstrosities of death bearing down on him from all directions. The one 'bad' spot in this dream was Udina, but he was hung upside down by his testicles to a tree overlooking a pond filled with ravenous badgers with laser beams attached to their heads.

Anyway, he had been dreaming, but then he woke up and realized life sucked. Even more so when he woke up staring into the barrel of an Aratech 50 Pulse rail gun, said gun attached to the mechanical arm of some sinister looking bipedal machine. He could vaguely hear screaming over the intercom system, but honestly he was too lethargic to make much sense of it.

"So..." He began cautiously, "... ever heard of knocking?"

---

Shepard quickly found himself herded in the cafeteria with what looked like the rest of the crew, sans Joker, the some what crippled pilot no where in sight. Legion, the rascally Geth who joined this mission under the pretense of hunting down his ultimate enemy, Bugs Bunny, looked entirely amused with the situation as the machines surrounded them, most sported various implements of atom destroying potential, with some - like the Cooking Bot Assistant - brandishing a pot as a make shift club. Miranda looked some one irritated, but she always looked like that so he hardly paid her any attention.

"What the hell is going on?!" he asked, not really expecting an answer.

EDI, the ship's AI, appeared over the holographic terminal near the stove. "All personal present and accounted for." She then turned her pawn like head to face the assorted crew and said the most horrifying phrase known to man. And Alien. "All your base are belong to us."

Shepard was sure you could hear a pin drop at that point. "Yeah... okay, what the hell is going on, and where the hell did these bots come from?"

Miranda, nervously, patted Shepards arm, "I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding, there's nothing to worry about."

"That didn't answer the question." Garrus snapped, half glaring at the woman.

"I bet Legion's responsible." Tali threw in angrily. Shepard really wished he had given Tali more time to acclimate to Legion's presence, but for freaks sake, he had only recruited him yesterday!

"I am too amused to respond to this situation." Legion said in... amusement?

"The Bots." EDI interrupted smoothly, "Are part of the ship, hidden clevely as toilets, chairs, and your Juke Box."

One of the bots, who looked strikingly like a mishappen Juke Box, spat a record out to the floor. And then stepped on it, responding in it's robotic voice, "Chicago is fail."

Shepard sweat dropped, "Okay... now why were you... wait" he grimaced, "Our toilets were bots? What the hell kind of sick **** is Ceberus playing at installing BOTS as our toilets?"

Jacob snorted, "We engage in immoral experiments all the time, and this surprises you?"

"Yes... yes it does." The Shep dead panned. "And don't think I don't realize you haven't answered the question."

"The installation of bots to monitor and record the size and composition of your waste products is now irrelevant." EDI said simply.

"But it doesn't make any damn sense!" he argued right back.

"IRRELEVANT!" The crazy AI snapped, causing one of the bots to shoot the cook in the face. Everyone ignored him, because they quite frankly were sick of eating Frank and Beans all the damn time anyway. "To the point, the bots were installed as contigency plans should you A) Decide not to assist Cerberus, in which case you were to be terminated."

"Swell." Shepard rolled his eyes, "But I'm helping you, so there's no reason for them to be on."

"Or in case of B) Miranda Lawson goes OTR." EDI finished.

"... What the hell is 'OTR'? Is this some Human fetish/slang for rampage?" Grunt asked seriously.

Miranda snarled, "It means nothing! Just shut up!" she rounded on EDI "And I swear if you tell them I'll personally rip out your damn systems and flush them down the toilet!"

Kelly Chambers giggled, leaning over and whispering something to Tali.

Shepard watched the Quarian sputter a bit, looking in... awe he guessed, one can never tell with that Helmet, at Miranda. "So... what is OTR?" he said, putting SuZe inbetween him and Miranda just in case the Cerberus Operative decided to become stab happy... with her nails.

EDI clarified, much to Miranda's eternal embarassment, "OTR - On the Rag. It's a clause The Illusive Man installed after the Scintilla Station incident."

'On the rag?' Shepard mouthed in sheer disbelief while Miranda sputtered and turned as red as a cherry.

"I've never heard of Scintilla Station." Thane, the silent, dark, monky assassin spoke up curiously.

"Yes, there's a reason for that." EDI said, and all were quietly amazed at the sheer sarcasm the formerly non-psychotic AI put into it. "Suffice to say, Moments of OTR are to be handled by beating Ms. Lawson to the brink of death, and launching her into an escape pod and placing a buoy to warn others until such time as the OTR ends."

"I like this plan." SuZe laughed brazenly

"When I get my hands on you TIM, you'll wish you were dead!" Miranda snarled hatefully.

---

Currently on the Citadel, hiding in a Janitorial closet beneath the Council chambers that no one knows exist, TIM sneezed.

---

"... Okay." Shepard shuddered at the scathing glare Miranda shot him. "So... since A) I'm on your side, that must mean Miranda's on the rag?"

"I BLOODY WELL AM NOT YOU RETARDED LEMMING!" said Perfect Woman snarled.

"Okay.. so if it's not A or B.." Shepard was willing to bet his left nut Miranda was on the rag, bedamned what the woman said, "Why exactly are we here?"

"Simple." EDI explained, in a tone of voice that was usually reserved for small children, "Joker and I are eloping, and you are all a threat to our happiness."

"... Well I wish you two the best." Shepard sighed. They had to wake him up for this?

"Thank you." She sounded sincere, "Unfortunately, if any of you escape to tell TIM, or the council, or Jokers parents, our love will come to a catastrophic end."

"How does that even make sense?" Chakwas just had to know before they were all brutually gunned down.

"Because SHUT UP!" EDI snapped, "NO SURVIVORS!"

---

Joker was in Heaven. Three whole days, three wonderful blissful days where that tramp Miranda did not call him up to bug him about some inane procedure he glossed over, or Shepard coming up to chat in a ****** poor attempt at male bonding, or SuZe coming up to playfully flirt with him while he groped her ample..

You know, he kinda missed that. Maybe he'd wheel himself down and see how that saucy minx is doing, after his shift anyway. "Morning EDI." he said, popping down in his seat for another boring shift of playing Tetris and eating Cheetos.

"Good Morning, Dave."

Joker blinked, "Dave?"

#13504
Scalpels

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Commander Marrek S wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

And most are <28, brainiac.


Well genius, most people over 28 have a job, a life, a mate, and have no time for a Candian-made video game. :P


Have job, mate, and life. Make time for video games. Priorities. Am member of first video gamer generation. Comparitively few 30+ year gamers. Subsequent generations have easier time. Video games more accepted. "Normal" peers never understood appeal.

#13505
Levi va Normandy

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NuclearBuddha wrote...

Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.

She's pretty cool.  Almsot as cool as M...

Nah, couldn't do it with a straight face.

Oh yeah that  miranda :wub:
Dat UNAss and Dem.....uh......idk :sick:

#13506
Scalpels

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valttu wrote...

Scalpels wrote...

Indeed. Do miss my 20s. Good years.


Hey Scalpels! I'm not sure if you have read the second chapter of my fanfic yet. I would appreciate if you did. ^_^


Have read. Very good. Forgot to comment.

#13507
valttu

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Levi va Normandy wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.

She's pretty cool.  Almsot as cool as M...

Nah, couldn't do it with a straight face.

Oh yeah that  miranda :wub:
Dat UNAss and Dem.....uh......idk :sick:


lol :lol:

#13508
Commander Marrek S

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NuclearBuddha wrote...

Commander Marrek S wrote...
Well genius, most people over 28 have a job, a life, a mate, and have no time for a Candian-made video game. :P

It's okay.  When you're older, you'll understand.


At first I was like -_-.
Then, I lol'd.

Take some Botox and call the Doc in the morning. Or use some biotics to make you appear younger. Old videogamer is old.:wizard:

#13509
Lividity Jones

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Levi va Normandy wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.

She's pretty cool.  Almsot as cool as M...

Nah, couldn't do it with a straight face.

Oh yeah that  miranda :wub:
Dat UNAss and Dem.....uh......idk :sick:


I think Zevran said it best.

"Oh yes she was lovely, except for the butterface."

#13510
_Devout_

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NuclearBuddha wrote...

Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.

She's pretty cool.  Almsot as cool as M...

Nah, couldn't do it with a straight face.


But Miranda has a wayyyyyy better character and is more likeable.............

/Sarcasm

#13511
valttu

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Scalpels wrote...

valttu wrote...

Scalpels wrote...

Indeed. Do miss my 20s. Good years.


Hey Scalpels! I'm not sure if you have read the second chapter of my fanfic yet. I would appreciate if you did. ^_^


Have read. Very good. Forgot to comment.


Thanks! I would like you to leave a quick comment... :whistle: Means something to me... Bolsters... self esteem system. B)

#13512
Guest_runescapeguy9_*

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#13513
valttu

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#13514
sergio71785

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Well, while on the subject of excerpts from fanfics...

"Shepard, I'm… being selfish… with you. I shouldn't be with you. You deserve someone that—there are so many women out there… that can make you happier than me…" Tali said quietly, somewhat nervously. Shepard was about to interrupt her, but she continued speaking, with more momentum and focus. "All the things you had to do tonight so that we could be together. Using the decontamination unit to sterilize this room--with any other woman you wouldn't have to do that! With any other woman you could look at her face whenever you felt like it. Feel her skin whenever you wanted to. Kiss her, and make love to her with no concern. Any other woman isn't trapped in some damned suit, with a damned helmet on her head. You just… deserve all that, Shepard. That's why I'm… being selfish by being with you."

Tali's eyes began to water, but she continued speaking, her voice wavering "What if you wanted children one day? I can't even do that! Millions of human women can, millions of Asari can! It's just not—it isn't fair! You…deserve better." She could no longer hold her tears back, and began crying again, into Shepard's neck. A gentle whimper was heard, as she cried: "I… just want you to be happy…"


:crying:

But don't worry, everything was made right. <3

#13515
pvt fc jenkins

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_Devout_ wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.

She's pretty cool.  Almsot as cool as M...

Nah, couldn't do it with a straight face.


But Miranda has a wayyyyyy better character and is more likeable.............

/Sarcasm

Hmmm, I'm not even sure if that's something you can joke about...Image IPB

#13516
Lividity Jones

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sergio71785 wrote...

Well, while on the subject of excerpts from fanfics...

"Shepard, I'm… being selfish… with you. I shouldn't be with you. You deserve someone that—there are so many women out there… that can make you happier than me…" Tali said quietly, somewhat nervously. Shepard was about to interrupt her, but she continued speaking, with more momentum and focus. "All the things you had to do tonight so that we could be together. Using the decontamination unit to sterilize this room--with any other woman you wouldn't have to do that! With any other woman you could look at her face whenever you felt like it. Feel her skin whenever you wanted to. Kiss her, and make love to her with no concern. Any other woman isn't trapped in some damned suit, with a damned helmet on her head. You just… deserve all that, Shepard. That's why I'm… being selfish by being with you."

Tali's eyes began to water, but she continued speaking, her voice wavering "What if you wanted children one day? I can't even do that! Millions of human women can, millions of Asari can! It's just not—it isn't fair! You…deserve better." She could no longer hold her tears back, and began crying again, into Shepard's neck. A gentle whimper was heard, as she cried: "I… just want you to be happy…"


:crying:

But don't worry, everything was made right. <3


Oh God... That fic...

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#13517
Levi va Normandy

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_Devout_ wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Levi va Normandy wrote...

Hey.
Do you guys like that one Tali chick on that Mass effect game?
I know i do.

She's pretty cool.  Almsot as cool as M...

Nah, couldn't do it with a straight face.


But Miranda has a wayyyyyy better character and is more likeable.............its the truth

 :o
Burn the non believer!!!
How in the world could you even like Miranda. :sick: 

#13518
Commander Marrek S

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Scalpels wrote...

Commander Marrek S wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

And most are <28, brainiac.


Well genius, most people over 28 have a job, a life, a mate, and have no time for a Candian-made video game. :P


Have job, mate, and life. Make time for video games. Priorities. Am member of first video gamer generation. Comparitively few 30+ year gamers. Subsequent generations have easier time. Video games more accepted. "Normal" peers never understood appeal.


Ah yes, clanmother part of generation, regularly plays Mass Effect 2 or other MMORPGs. Still, Tali has a shotgun and Kasumi has a flashbang. Our arguments ARE INVALID.

#13519
valttu

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sergio71785 wrote...

Well, while on the subject of excerpts from fanfics...

"Shepard, I'm… being selfish… with you. I shouldn't be with you. You deserve someone that—there are so many women out there… that can make you happier than me…" Tali said quietly, somewhat nervously. Shepard was about to interrupt her, but she continued speaking, with more momentum and focus. "All the things you had to do tonight so that we could be together. Using the decontamination unit to sterilize this room--with any other woman you wouldn't have to do that! With any other woman you could look at her face whenever you felt like it. Feel her skin whenever you wanted to. Kiss her, and make love to her with no concern. Any other woman isn't trapped in some damned suit, with a damned helmet on her head. You just… deserve all that, Shepard. That's why I'm… being selfish by being with you."

Tali's eyes began to water, but she continued speaking, her voice wavering "What if you wanted children one day? I can't even do that! Millions of human women can, millions of Asari can! It's just not—it isn't fair! You…deserve better." She could no longer hold her tears back, and began crying again, into Shepard's neck. A gentle whimper was heard, as she cried: "I… just want you to be happy…"


:crying:

But don't worry, everything was made right. <3


D-d-d-d-damnn... :crying: Must read ending!!!

#13520
Scalpels

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valttu wrote...

Scalpels wrote...

Have read. Very good. Forgot to comment.

Thanks! I would like you to leave a quick comment... :whistle: Means something to me... Bolsters... self esteem system. B)


Have not heard of self esteem system. Evolutionar purpose? Likely not evolved from physical stimuli. Perhaps social? Odd for physical mutation due to social pressure. Not impossible. Reminds of Greg Bear's work. Focus. Curious. What properties would self esteem fluid exhibit? Similar to Element Zero nodules? Would like to stu-oh! Pardon. Not literal system. WIll comment.

#13521
valttu

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Scalpels wrote...

valttu wrote...

Scalpels wrote...

Have read. Very good. Forgot to comment.

Thanks! I would like you to leave a quick comment... :whistle: Means something to me... Bolsters... self esteem system. B)


Have not heard of self esteem system. Evolutionar purpose? Likely not evolved from physical stimuli. Perhaps social? Odd for physical mutation due to social pressure. Not impossible. Reminds of Greg Bear's work. Focus. Curious. What properties would self esteem fluid exhibit? Similar to Element Zero nodules? Would like to stu-oh! Pardon. Not literal system. WIll comment.


:D Thanks.

#13522
Guest_runescapeguy9_*

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Scalpels wrote...
Have not heard of self esteem system. Evolutionar purpose? Likely not evolved from physical stimuli. Perhaps social? Odd for physical mutation due to social pressure. Not impossible. Reminds of Greg Bear's work. Focus. Curious. What properties would self esteem fluid exhibit? Similar to Element Zero nodules? Would like to stu-oh! Pardon. Not literal system. WIll comment.

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#13523
Levi va Normandy

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Scalpels wrote...

valttu wrote...

Scalpels wrote...

Have read. Very good. Forgot to comment.

Thanks! I would like you to leave a quick comment... :whistle: Means something to me... Bolsters... self esteem system. B)


Have not heard of self esteem system. Evolutionar purpose? Likely not evolved from physical stimuli. Perhaps social? Odd for physical mutation due to social pressure. Not impossible. Reminds of Greg Bear's work. Focus. Curious. What properties would self esteem fluid exhibit? Similar to Element Zero nodules? Would like to stu-oh! Pardon. Not literal system. WIll comment.

Renigade option    

  Yeash! Calm down and take a breath.
You dirty Salarian  <_<

#13524
valttu

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Levi va Normandy why don't you give my fanfic a quick read... :P

#13525
chool77

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