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[Azint]

RedTracer7 wrote...

 Twice lightning flashed from a sky barren of clouds, their puzzling existence witnessed by no one.  No one alive, that is.  Where quarians once labored to build a city, where a river was turned to power a factory, where forests were destroyed in the pursuit of housing... little now remains.  Planets never have a long memory.  The toils of the sentient are but fleeting dreams in a slumber longer than any soul can imagine.  The actions these meaningless drivel take are not without consequence, but they are without meaning.  Why these people toiled, with death always around the next corner, it is hard to determine.  Now, as the barren bones of a city long dead lay bleaching beneath the moonlight, visible to the Migrant Fleet for the first time, the conclusion is obvious:

Rannoch does not remember them.

I imagined Rannoch would bear some resemblance to Korriban as presented in KOTOR once we get to see it.

[khevan]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Samara:  Tali'Zorah, Shepard is back on board now, interviewing the refugees we saved.  He sent me down to let you know he would be late, but he is unharmed.

Tali:  *inside clean room, holding Raela*  I wasn't worried.  Yet.  Thank you, Samara.

Samara:  *lingers hesitantly*

Tali: Ah... was there something...?

Samara:  *turning to leave*  No... no.

Tali:  Wait.  Would you... like to hold her?

*Samara slowly approaches the clean room window, then fits her hands into the glove-ports.  Taking Raela carefully in her arms, she cradles her against the glass.  Raela blinks sleepily, gnawing on her fingers.*

Tali:  *places a hand up to the window in sympathy*  Samara...

*Samara rests her forehead against the window.  Her shoulders shake as she starts to cry.*

*silently gives up one of his mancards*

[cannedcream]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Samara:  Tali'Zorah, Shepard is back on board now, interviewing the refugees we saved.  He sent me down to let you know he would be late, but he is unharmed.

Tali:  *inside clean room, holding Raela*  I wasn't worried.  Yet.  Thank you, Samara.

Samara:  *lingers hesitantly*

Tali: Ah... was there something...?

Samara:  *turning to leave*  No... no.

Tali:  Wait.  Would you... like to hold her?

*Samara slowly approaches the clean room window, then fits her hands into the glove-ports.  Taking Raela carefully in her arms, she cradles her against the glass.  Raela blinks sleepily, gnawing on her fingers.*

Tali:  *places a hand up to the window in sympathy*  Samara...

*Samara rests her forehead against the window.  Her shoulders shake as she starts to cry.*

Beautiful as always, Nuke. Thank you.

[RiptideX1090]

Dark_Helmet wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Samara:  Tali'Zorah, Shepard is back on board now, interviewing the refugees we saved.  He sent me down to let you know he would be late, but he is unharmed.

Tali:  *inside clean room, holding Raela*  I wasn't worried.  Yet.  Thank you, Samara.

Samara:  *lingers hesitantly*

Tali: Ah... was there something...?

Samara:  *turning to leave*  No... no.

Tali:  Wait.  Would you... like to hold her?

*Samara slowly approaches the clean room window, then fits her hands into the glove-ports.  Taking Raela carefully in her arms, she cradles her against the glass.  Raela blinks sleepily, gnawing on her fingers.*

Tali:  *places a hand up to the window in sympathy*  Samara...

*Samara rests her forehead against the window.  Her shoulders shake as she starts to cry.*

Goddamnit...

Got something in my eye.

Having a 'Zaeed with his rifle" moment are you?

You're NOT!?

[Dark_Helmet]

Azint wrote...

RedTracer7 wrote...

 Twice lightning flashed from a sky barren of clouds, their puzzling existence witnessed by no one.  No one alive, that is.  Where quarians once labored to build a city, where a river was turned to power a factory, where forests were destroyed in the pursuit of housing... little now remains.  Planets never have a long memory.  The toils of the sentient are but fleeting dreams in a slumber longer than any soul can imagine.  The actions these meaningless drivel take are not without consequence, but they are without meaning.  Why these people toiled, with death always around the next corner, it is hard to determine.  Now, as the barren bones of a city long dead lay bleaching beneath the moonlight, visible to the Migrant Fleet for the first time, the conclusion is obvious:

Rannoch does not remember them.

I imagined Rannoch would bear some resemblance to Korriban as presented in KOTOR once we get to see it.

Less statues and stealth predators I hope.
Little more green would be nice.

[Azint]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Samara:  Tali'Zorah, Shepard is back on board now, interviewing the refugees we saved.  He sent me down to let you know he would be late, but he is unharmed.

Tali:  *inside clean room, holding Raela*  I wasn't worried.  Yet.  Thank you, Samara.

Samara:  *lingers hesitantly*

Tali: Ah... was there something...?

Samara:  *turning to leave*  No... no.

Tali:  Wait.  Would you... like to hold her?

*Samara slowly approaches the clean room window, then fits her hands into the glove-ports.  Taking Raela carefully in her arms, she cradles her against the glass.  Raela blinks sleepily, gnawing on her fingers.*

Tali:  *places a hand up to the window in sympathy*  Samara...

*Samara rests her forehead against the window.  Her shoulders shake as she starts to cry.*

A mother's empathy is something strong, I would imagine. Especially for all the tragedy with her own daughters, Samara has so much bearing on her.

[khevan]

Shameless self-plug. I just finished a fairly short fic. I've got some general ideas for follow-up chapters, but this kinda sets the stage.

http://social.biowar...8507/blog/6094/

I'm sure it's nothing incredibly original, but I hope to get there eventually. Comments, critiques all appreciated.

Reposting this because I had the misfortune of posting it the first time right after that last bit of Noir awesomeness.

[NuclearBuddha]

Dark_Helmet wrote...
Having a 'Zaeed with his rifle" moment are you?

Did somebody say "Jessie?"  'Cause I goddamn heard someone say "Jessie!"

[Lividity Jones]

Xen held her fist in the air, the orange glow of her omni-tool shining like a beacon in her hand as her voice carried out across the assembled crew of the Moreh.

"In my hand I carry the weapon that will rebuild our future. I carry the hope of generations. I carry the key to our legacy."

They cried out her name. Men, women and children.

"The geth have driven us to scavenge for our survival, forcing us to live in this squalorous slum of a fleet. Long ago, the galaxy turned is back on us as our home burned, our children slaughtered at the hands of the tools we had created. They spat on us. Beat us down. For three hundred years we have lived in exile. But today, I come to you with the power to take back what is ours. Our rightful place. With this, I will bring the geth to their knees. Then the galaxy will tremble as they see how the meek have inherited their former glory. Retribution for all those allowed to suffer and die at the hands of this galaxy. Our children. There will be no mercy, no negotiation. There will only be justice for those who's backs were broken and their suits ripped from their flesh. There will be a bloody reckoning and the tools that were once our butchers will return to their rightful place as our vengeance!"

A transcendant chorus of jubilation greeted her words. They loved her. But there was fear there as well. She didn't care. They served her. They were her toys. She always had the very best toys. They were her friends. They made her strong. She didn't need to be afraid with them around her.

She didn't need to be that scared girl in the dark all those years ago...


What do you think?

[Azint]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Speaking of which, Azint, is it okay if we move AOD's thrursday night session to saturday night? Buddha had a schedule conflict.

I can do with that.

[Dark_Helmet]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Dark_Helmet wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Samara:  Tali'Zorah, Shepard is back on board now, interviewing the refugees we saved.  He sent me down to let you know he would be late, but he is unharmed.

Tali:  *inside clean room, holding Raela*  I wasn't worried.  Yet.  Thank you, Samara.

Samara:  *lingers hesitantly*

Tali: Ah... was there something...?

Samara:  *turning to leave*  No... no.

Tali:  Wait.  Would you... like to hold her?

*Samara slowly approaches the clean room window, then fits her hands into the glove-ports.  Taking Raela carefully in her arms, she cradles her against the glass.  Raela blinks sleepily, gnawing on her fingers.*

Tali:  *places a hand up to the window in sympathy*  Samara...

*Samara rests her forehead against the window.  Her shoulders shake as she starts to cry.*

Goddamnit...

Got something in my eye.

Having a 'Zaeed with his rifle" moment are you?

You're NOT!?

It's not enough to elicit an emotional response from me.
To date the only thing I've read or watched that has made me tear up was the end of the Futurama episode where they do the montoge of the dog dying of old age waiting for Fry.
That made me give up a man card.

Modifié par Dark_Helmet, 23 juin 2010 - 08:10 .

[Azint]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Xen held her fist in the air, the orange glow of her omni-tool shining like a beacon in her hand as her voice carried out across the assembled crew of the Moreh.

"In my hand I carry the weapon that will rebuild our future. I carry the hope of generations. I carry the key to our legacy."

They cried out her name. Men, women and children.

"The geth have driven us to scavenge for our survival, forcing us to live in this squalorous slum of a fleet. Long ago, the galaxy turned is back on us as our home burned, our children slaughtered at the hands of the tools we had created. They spat on us. Beat us down. For three hundred years we have lived in exile. But today, I come to you with the power to take back what is ours. Our rightful place. With this, I will bring the geth to their knees. Then the galaxy will tremble as they see how the meek have inherited their former glory. Retribution for all those allowed to suffer and die at the hands of this galaxy. Our children. There will be no mercy, no negotiation. There will only be justice for those who's backs were broken and their suits ripped from their flesh. There will be a bloody reckoning and the tools that were once our butchers will return to their rightful place as our vengeance!"

A transcendant chorus of jubilation greeted her words. They loved her. But there was fear there as well. She didn't care. They served her. They were her toys. She always had the very best toys. They were her friends. They made her strong. She didn't need to be afraid with them around her.

She didn't need to be that scared girl in the dark all those years ago...


What do you think?

Care to add some context to this passage? It would make judging it that much easier.

[NuclearBuddha]

Lividity Jones wrote...

They were her toys. She always had the very best toys. They were her friends. They made her strong. She didn't need to be afraid with them around her.

She didn't need to be that scared girl in the dark all those years ago...


What do you think?

Delightfully bonkers.

[RiptideX1090]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Xen held her fist in the air, the orange glow of her omni-tool shining like a beacon in her hand as her voice carried out across the assembled crew of the Moreh.

"In my hand I carry the weapon that will rebuild our future. I carry the hope of generations. I carry the key to our legacy."

They cried out her name. Men, women and children.

"The geth have driven us to scavenge for our survival, forcing us to live in this squalorous slum of a fleet. Long ago, the galaxy turned is back on us as our home burned, our children slaughtered at the hands of the tools we had created. They spat on us. Beat us down. For three hundred years we have lived in exile. But today, I come to you with the power to take back what is ours. Our rightful place. With this, I will bring the geth to their knees. Then the galaxy will tremble as they see how the meek have inherited their former glory. Retribution for all those allowed to suffer and die at the hands of this galaxy. Our children. There will be no mercy, no negotiation. There will only be justice for those who's backs were broken and their suits ripped from their flesh. There will be a bloody reckoning and the tools that were once our butchers will return to their rightful place as our vengeance!"

A transcendant chorus of jubilation greeted her words. They loved her. But there was fear there as well. She didn't care. They served her. They were her toys. She always had the very best toys. They were her friends. They made her strong. She didn't need to be afraid with them around her.

She didn't need to be that scared girl in the dark all those years ago...


What do you think?

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

[cannedcream]

Lividity Jones wrote...
*story snip*
What do you think?

It's good. It's real good.

Hell, I'M pumped up by that speech.

[RiptideX1090]

Dammit, between my passage and Buddha's Raela story... I've got a serious case of the sniffles...



****.

[Dark_Helmet]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Xen held her fist in the air, the orange glow of her omni-tool shining like a beacon in her hand as her voice carried out across the assembled crew of the Moreh.

"In my hand I carry the weapon that will rebuild our future. I carry the hope of generations. I carry the key to our legacy."

They cried out her name. Men, women and children.

"The geth have driven us to scavenge for our survival, forcing us to live in this squalorous slum of a fleet. Long ago, the galaxy turned is back on us as our home burned, our children slaughtered at the hands of the tools we had created. They spat on us. Beat us down. For three hundred years we have lived in exile. But today, I come to you with the power to take back what is ours. Our rightful place. With this, I will bring the geth to their knees. Then the galaxy will tremble as they see how the meek have inherited their former glory. Retribution for all those allowed to suffer and die at the hands of this galaxy. Our children. There will be no mercy, no negotiation. There will only be justice for those who's backs were broken and their suits ripped from their flesh. There will be a bloody reckoning and the tools that were once our butchers will return to their rightful place as our vengeance!"

A transcendant chorus of jubilation greeted her words. They loved her. But there was fear there as well. She didn't care. They served her. They were her toys. She always had the very best toys. They were her friends. They made her strong. She didn't need to be afraid with them around her.

She didn't need to be that scared girl in the dark all those years ago...


What do you think?

Xen doing an inspirational villain speech?
MOAR MOOOOAAAR!!!

[Azint]

Dark_Helmet wrote...

It's not enough to elicit an emotional response from me.
To date the only thing I've read or watched that has made me tear up was the end of the Futurama episode where they do the montoge of the dog dying of old age waiting for Fry.
That made me give up a man card.

"The Sting"

That was the episode that had me.

[Lividity Jones]

Azint wrote...

Care to add some context to this passage? It would make judging it that much easier.

It will either be used as the opening or as the closing.

The other possible opening is her finding the datat on the Alarei.

The actual story of her Pilgrimage will be told through a conveniently placed flashback.

[RedTracer7]

Azint wrote...

Dark_Helmet wrote...

It's not enough to elicit an emotional response from me.
To date the only thing I've read or watched that has made me tear up was the end of the Futurama episode where they do the montoge of the dog dying of old age waiting for Fry.
That made me give up a man card.

"The Sting"

That was the episode that had me.

New Episodes Start Thursday.

[Azint]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Dammit, between my passage and Buddha's Raela story... I've got a serious case of the sniffles...

****.

Hey, hey. Come here.

Ha.

[Dark_Helmet]

Azint wrote...

Dark_Helmet wrote...

It's not enough to elicit an emotional response from me.
To date the only thing I've read or watched that has made me tear up was the end of the Futurama episode where they do the montoge of the dog dying of old age waiting for Fry.
That made me give up a man card.

"The Sting"

That was the episode that had me.

Yeah.
I Really miss Futurama.

Modifié par Dark_Helmet, 23 juin 2010 - 08:15 .

[Dark_Helmet]

RedTracer7 wrote...

Azint wrote...

Dark_Helmet wrote...

It's not enough to elicit an emotional response from me.
To date the only thing I've read or watched that has made me tear up was the end of the Futurama episode where they do the montoge of the dog dying of old age waiting for Fry.
That made me give up a man card.

"The Sting"

That was the episode that had me.

New Episodes Start Thursday.

They better not f*ck it up.
That's all I've got to say.

[Azint]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Azint wrote...

Care to add some context to this passage? It would make judging it that much easier.

It will either be used as the opening or as the closing.

The other possible opening is her finding the datat on the Alarei.

The actual story of her Pilgrimage will be told through a conveniently placed flashback.

Make it an opening. The final part works best to introduce her malevolance, her role as a puppeteer can be introduced well with that.