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[Lividity Jones]

Haven't posted this one in awhile. Why not?



Marab: Hmm... I suppose if Shepard is vouching for you... Yes, I think we could definitely use someone with your skills here. When can you start?

Lia'Vael: Really? Uhh... As soon as possible, I guess.

Marab: Great! See you tomorrow, then.

*Shepard smiles before turning to leave the Saronis Applications building. Lia'Vael watches him leave before running to catch up with him.*

Lia'Vael: Wait! Hold on!

*Shepard stops, turning to face the quarian.*

Shepard: Something wrong?

Lia'Vael: No... I just... Why are you helping me? First that volus and now you help me get a job? I don't have any credits... And I'm not going to-

*Shepard holds up his hand to interrupt her.*

Shepard: That's not necessary.

Lia'Vael: So why?

*Shepard's face grows visibly grim. Faint memories of a ship burning over Alchera fill his mind.*

Shepard: I knew a quarian once. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I... let her down. I didn't see her for... a long time. When I saw her again, I could tell what happened had hurt her. I owe her more than I could ever repay... But I think this might be a start.

*Shepard places a hand on the young quarian's shoulder.*

Shepard: Go in peace, Lia'Vael. Keelah Se'lai.

*Shepard turns to walk away. Lia shouts over the crowds.*

Lia'Vael: I hope you see her again!

Shepard: *to himself* So do I...

Modifié par Lividity Jones, 25 juin 2010 - 05:58 .

[Tairis Deamhan]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Haven't posted this one in awhile. Why not?



Marab: Hmm... I suppose if Shepard is vouching for you... Yes, I think we could definitely use someone with your skills here. When can you start?

Lia'Vael: Really? Uhh... As soon as possible, I guess.

Marab: Great! See you tomorrow, then.

*Shepard smiles before turning to leave the Saronis Applications building. Lia'Vael watches him leave before running to catch up with him.*

Lia'Vael: Wait! Hold on!

*Shepard stops, turning to face the quarian.*

Shepard: Something wrong?

Lia'Vael: No... I just... Why are you helping me? First that volus and now you help me get a job? I don't have any credits... And I'm not going to-

*Shepard holds up his hand to interrupt her.*

Shepard: That's not necessary.

Lia'Vael: So why?

*Shepard's face grows visibly grim. Faint memories of a ship burning over Alchera fill his mind.*

Shepard: I knew a quarian once. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. I... let her down. I didn't see her for... a long time. When I saw her again, I could tell what happened had hurt her. I owe her more than I could ever repay... But I think this might be a start.

*Shepard places a hand on the young quarian's shoulder.*

Shepard: Go in peace, Lia'Vael. Keelah Se'lai.

*Shepard turns to walk away. Lia shouts over the crowds.*

Lia'Vael: I hope you see her again!

Shepard: *to himself* So do I...

Never saw this bit before, I like it.

[Someone With Mass]

Who's Marab?

[Lividity Jones]

Someone With Mass wrote...

Who's Marab?

The salarian who works at Saronis.

The one who recognizes Shepard.

[Someone With Mass]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Someone With Mass wrote...

Who's Marab?

The salarian who works at Saronis.

The one who recognizes Shepard.

Oh, right. Even a senile hanar would remember him.

The Renegade choice for a discount at the store is pretty funny too.

[Tairis Deamhan]

Calinstel wrote...

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

Calinstel wrote...
Never said they had no tolerance, SHE didn't thats for sure.  but she drank 3 double whiskeys in what? 20 minutes?  Put alot of people I know out quick.

True. I was referring more to the fact that that the way you stated in the story that she effectively had alcohol poisoning. (Chakwas's comment about the filters)

This would seem to imply that *one* double whiskey probably put her well past tispy.

Well, yeah.  After the first one she was toast.  The second one definitely pushed her over the concious limit.

Surprised no one called me out on the ending where I referred to her as a cheap date

I think you've done a good enough job of characterization to established your Shepard as enough of a white knight everyone knows he's just joking
I caught it, just didn't think to comment at the time.

[Lividity Jones]

The sequel! Shepard is an angry drunk...


Miranda: This is absurd. Nothing in his psychological evaluation would suggest... this.

Jacob: Does it bother you that much when things don't go according to plan?

*Miranda glares at Jacob.*

Miranda: I don't like it. He shouldn't be acting this way. I don't-

Shepard: You wouldn't understand...

*Miranda and Jacob both turn their attention to Shepard, thoroughly drunk as he is.*

Shepard: Neither of you... You... She... People like you...

Miranda: Commander, we should get y-

Shepard: Shut up, ****! You don't get to talk...

Modifié par Lividity Jones, 25 juin 2010 - 06:07 .

[Tairis Deamhan]

I can see that. Guy as controlled as Shepard? Figure he'd either be an angry drunk or an 'emotional wreck' drunk.

[Lividity Jones]

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

I can see that. Guy as controlled as Shepard? Figure he'd either be an angry drunk or an 'emotional wreck' drunk.

I went with a little of both.

You never really see Shepard really angry.

[Tairis Deamhan]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

I can see that. Guy as controlled as Shepard? Figure he'd either be an angry drunk or an 'emotional wreck' drunk.

I went with a little of both.

You never really see Shepard really angry.

Which to me just screams potenial for good fiction.

[Someone With Mass]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

I can see that. Guy as controlled as Shepard? Figure he'd either be an angry drunk or an 'emotional wreck' drunk.

I went with a little of both.

You never really see Shepard really angry.

Well, there's this Renegade option in the fight between Tali and Legion, but I my guess is that you're going for normal anger, not forced, red eyes and short fuse rage. 

[Lividity Jones]

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...

Tairis Deamhan wrote...

I can see that. Guy as controlled as Shepard? Figure he'd either be an angry drunk or an 'emotional wreck' drunk.

I went with a little of both.

You never really see Shepard really angry.

Which to me just screams potenial for good fiction.

I think the scene with Shaw was how I see an angry Shepard. He's like an angry Superman, living in a world he could break if he wanted to or if he even let go once.

Hence his shame towards beating him.

[Tairis Deamhan]

Lividity Jones wrote...

I think the scene with Shaw was how I see an angry Shepard. He's like an angry Superman, living in a world he could break if he wanted to or if he even let go once.

Hence his shame towards beating him.

Agreement. I *really* liked that scene, btw.
Especially after the cybernetic upgrades, I really feel that 'rage Shepard' should be like a force of nature.

[ciaweth]

G'day, Tali thread.

[Lividity Jones]

While we're on the subject of my fic, I thought I'd share a deleted scene of sorts. Something that didn't make it in.


*Tali takes to her knees as she runs a hand along the black granite slab of the Mindoir Memorial, her fingers touching the names of Shepard's parents.*

Tali: Blessed are the ancestors who have enabled us to reach this season.

*Tali's hands leave the wall as she looks up to their names. A deep sigh echoes from her voice modulator.*

Tali: There are so many things I wanted to ask you... I'm not even sure where to start. I would have loved to have met you both. I can't tell you how much he means to me. He has done so may great things and he has stood by my side every step of the way. I think you would be proud of him. I... I don't know if you would approve of me... I hope you do. I... I think I love him. I only hope you can look on us wth favor.

*Tali bows her head.*

Tali: Keelah Se'lai.

Modifié par Lividity Jones, 25 juin 2010 - 06:23 .

[Zarcanada]

ciaweth wrote...

G'day, Tali thread.

G'day and Keelah Se'lai.

[TTTX]

ciaweth wrote...

G'day, Tali thread.

G'day.

[Lividity Jones]

Runescapeguy9 wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...
Tali: Keelah Se'lai.

Aw. I liked this part. Fair enough, you're the author.

Well, the chapter was done through Shepard's perspective and that was really a private moment for Tali...

It didn't feel right to put that in there.

Besides, the three big words were saved for the end.

[NCLanceman]

Lividity Jones wrote...

The sequel! Shepard is an angry drunk...


*snip*

Now seems as good a time as any to repost something of my own.

EDIT: I'm starting to like Jacob more and more. He seems like the type to actually listen when a drunk starts telling him all his problems.

----------

Omega Markets

Miranda: Alright, the shuttle bay to Professor Solus should be this way.
Shepard: *stops suddenly, a shop catching his eye* Yeah, in a minute.
Jacob: Commander?
*Shepard walks toward the shop, as if in a trance.*
Garrus: *waving off the two Cerberus operatives* Give us a minute, will you?
*Jacob nods sharply, Miranda leers. Garrus ignores the latter and nods to the former, then follows Shepard in.*

*Shepard enters a store, a knife and blade store run by a batarian shopkeeper. In display cases and on the walls are different assortments of swords, knives, blades, and sharp implements of all kinds. Still in a daze, he drifts over to a display case of fixed blade knives. He eventually comes to a black, fixed blade knife about twenty-five centimeters long. As he traces the barest of touches over the knife case, Garrus appears over his shoulder.*

Garrus: I guess you met her before you met me.
Shepard: She had things to do. She couldn't join me.
*A pause. Shepard's gaze doesn't move from the knife while Garrus slowly scans the room.*
Garrus: Did she say she wouldn't join you, or couldn't join you?
Shepard: She... couldn't. Something for the Fleet, I guess.
Garrus: *the scarred vigilante cracks a smile and lays a hand on his friend's shoulder* Well, there you go.
*Shepard turns to Garrus, eyebrow raised.*
Garrus: Two years, Shepard. People build up responsibilities, especially her. You and I both know, if she could get out of it, she would in a heartbeat. And who knows, we might even get the rest of the band back together.
Shepard: *smiles* Yeah.
*Beat. Shepard flags down the shopkeeper.*
Shepard: Hey! *points to knife* This one. And do you do engraving?

*Five minutes pass. Garrus exits the shop shaking his head, close behind him is Commander Shepard, brandishing his new keepsake: a twenty-five centimeter combat knife. Near the hilt on one side is a Khelish pictogram "Fleet", on the other side the mission symbol of the Normandy SR-1. Shepard can't help but smile as he attaches the knife and guard to his hardsuit, right above his shotgun.*

-----

Migrant Fleet, aboard the Neema.

Kal'Reegar: Squad leader Kal'Reegar, reporting for duty! *sharp salute*
Tali'Zorah: Uh... *Tali looks up from the duffle bag she'd been packing with things around her cubicle and returns a slightly less sharp salute.* At ease, Reegar.
Kal: *sharp nod* Yes ma'am. Just came by to say the shuttle to Haestrom is getting ready to leave in about an hour. The science team is almost packed and my squad is making last minute preparations for the trip.
Tali: Thank you Kal, I'll be out there shortly. Make sure your men take plenty of explosives, you never know what we might come across.
Kal: As you wish, ma'am.

*Kal nods and walks off. Tali makes a last check of her cubical, spinning on her heels as she scans the room. Confident that she has everything, she zips up her duffel bag. She hefts the bag over her shoulder, checking the weight, then sighs. A pause. Slowly, conspiratorially, she checks one final place: an envirosuit pocket on her right forearm. Carefully, she removes it's sole content: a half-used block of Armor-Piercing ammunition -certified 'Geth-Stoppers' she'd heard Chief Williams call them-, preserved from her... previous ship. On the back is a carefully etched symbol N7. She turns block over in her fingers a few times and smiles, an emotion audible in her voice.*

Tali: My lucky charm worked.

*She pockets the block, then dials up her omnitool.*

Tali: *wistfully* Fourty-five minutes. I'd better go check on the rest of the science team.

*She fits the bag over her shoulder, then takes one last look around the cubicle. With a short nod, she turns off her desklamp, and leaves the cubicle.*
-------

If you're wondering (you're probably not, though), yes, this short did happen a bit before this. I wanted to find a way to introduce Shepard's knife in that one, but I never got it to sound right in my head.

Modifié par NCLanceman, 25 juin 2010 - 06:34 .

[Tairis Deamhan]

I know the feeling on random scenes like that, Jones. I love them, know they'd be perfect, but there isnt a way to reasonably fit them into the story without breaking the POV.



Glad we got to see it, though.



As for the other bit: good to see Garrus being a bro



Whats with Miranda leering tho? O_o

[TTTX]

NCLanceman wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...

The sequel! Shepard is an angry drunk...


*snip*

Now seems as good a time as any to repost something of my own.

EDIT: I'm starting to like Jacob more and more. He seems like the type to actually listen when a drunk starts telling him all his problems.

----------

Omega Markets

Miranda: Alright, the shuttle bay to Professor Solus should be this way.
Shepard: *stops suddenly, a shop catching his eye* Yeah, in a minute.
Jacob: Commander?
*Shepard walks toward the shop, as if in a trance.*
Garrus: *waving off the two Cerberus operatives* Give us a minute, will you?
*Jacob nods sharply, Miranda leers. Garrus ignores the latter and nods to the former, then follows Shepard in.*

*Shepard enters a store, a knife and blade store run by a batarian shopkeeper. In display cases and on the walls are different assortments of swords, knives, blades, and sharp implements of all kinds. Still in a daze, he drifts over to a display case of fixed blade knives. He eventually comes to a black, fixed blade knife about twenty-five centimeters long. As he traces the barest of touches over the knife case, Garrus appears over his shoulder.*

Garrus: I guess you met her before you met me.
Shepard: She had things to do. She couldn't join me.
*A pause. Shepard's gaze doesn't move from the knife while Garrus slowly scans the room.*
Garrus: Did she say she wouldn't join you, or couldn't join you?
Shepard: She... couldn't. Something for the Fleet, I guess.
Garrus: *the scarred vigilante cracks a smile and lays a hand on his friend's shoulder* Well, there you go.
*Shepard turns to Garrus, eyebrow raised.*
Garrus: Two years, Shepard. People build up responsibilities, especially her. You and I both know, if she could get out of it, she would in a heartbeat. And who knows, we might even get the rest of the band back together.
Shepard: *smiles* Yeah.
*Beat. Shepard flags down the shopkeeper.*
Shepard: Hey! *points to knife* This one. And do you do engraving?

*Five minutes pass. Garrus exits the shop shaking his head, close behind him is Commander Shepard, brandishing his new keepsake: a twenty-five centimeter combat knife. Near the hilt on one side is a Khelish pictogram "Fleet", on the other side the mission symbol of the Normandy SR-1. Shepard can't help but smile as he attaches the knife and guard to his hardsuit, right above his shotgun.*

-----

Migrant Fleet, aboard the Neema.

Kal'Reegar: Squad leader Kal'Reegar, reporting for duty! *sharp salute*
Tali'Zorah: Uh... *Tali looks up from the duffle bag she'd been packing with things around her cubicle and returns a slightly less sharp salute.* At ease, Reegar.
Kal: *sharp nod* Yes ma'am. Just came by to say the shuttle to Haestrom is getting ready to leave in about an hour. The science team is almost packed and my squad is making last minute preparations for the trip.
Tali: Thank you Kal, I'll be out there shortly. Make sure your men take plenty of explosives, you never know what we might come across.
Kal: As you wish, ma'am.

*Kal nods and walks off. Tali makes a last check of her cubical, spinning on her heels as she scans the room. Confident that she has everything, she zips up her duffel bag. She hefts the bag over her shoulder, checking the weight, then sighs. A pause. Slowly, conspiratorially, she checks one final place: an envirosuit pocket on her right forearm. Carefully, she removes it's sole content: a half-used block of Armor-Piercing ammunition -certified 'Geth-Stoppers' she'd heard Chief Williams call them-, preserved from her... previous ship. On the back is a carefully etched symbol N7. She turns block over in her fingers a few times and smiles, an emotion audible in her voice.*

Tali: My lucky charm worked.

*She pockets the block, then dials up her omnitool.*

Tali: *wistfully* Fourty-five minutes. I'd better go check on the rest of the science team.

*She fits the bag over her shoulder, then takes one last look around the cubicle. With a short nod, she turns off her desklamp, and leaves the cubicle.*
-------

If you're wondering (you're probably not, though), yes, this short did happen a bit before this. I wanted to find a way to introduce Shepard's knife in that one, but I never got it to sound right in my head.

I find myself asking for more of this it's so good.

[Someone With Mass]

If there isn't anyone at BW HQ who takes notes of this, they should feel ashamed of themselves for passing up on something as inspiring and well done as the stories in this thread.