258292 réponses à ce sujet

[cannedcream]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Okay, Liv, here is what I wrote onto Rip's blog. I hope it helps.

"As I said before, all-in-all this is good work. Xen is being written in a believable way and her dialog fits the character we got to know in the story quite well. The pacing so far is pretty good. It's nice to see the build-up between the chapters. It's as if the fan is being taken out of storage. Soon it shall be plugged in and the **** will be thrown at it.

My biggest concern is one that you talked about before if I'm not mistaken; and that is that I think you're trying too hard to make Xen into a sympathetic character, especially in Chapter 1. It's obvious that someone like Xen must have had an impossibly difficult life that shaped her personality (and sanity) but, my own personal feelings are that this is something that should be gradually gotten into rather than explained so heavily in chapter 1. You did a much better job in part 2, I feel, where we hear about her life, but it's much more subtle and hinted at. I think it might be a good idea to continue with that route for a few more chapters until the we've reached the real arch of the tale.

Again, so far I think it reads really well, there are no errors that I've seen and it's an interesting piece that I hope you see through to the end."

[Thelacan]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

It's a work in progress.  I hope to add to it as I think of more (or have more suggested).

Not to so much as a suggestion. But when reading the AoD and how Pallin had gun on Tali, this song, Sentenced - For the love I bear, really hit me, thinking how Rene Shep would feel if Tali would have died.


These bitter tears fill up my sorrowed eyes as I lay my head down
and beg myself to be so brave'
Oh, how I miss your loving hate' And yet I miss her loving hate
Cursed be this love I bear
Bereaved be this heart that bleeds for her
The love of the man lives here'
-On grain and the earth, rain and the chilling air

Modifié par Thelacan, 29 juin 2010 - 07:51 .

[NuclearBuddha]

Thelacan wrote...
I'm already waiting for it like a madman. The plottwist you pulled last time with Prazza? I cursed your name, because then I had to reread the whole thing again.

How is this a bad thing?

I hope I wasn't too subtle about the whole thing...

[Lividity Jones]

Surprise minific attack!

*Shepard enters the Starboard Obdervation Deck, the woman impersonating Samara smirking slyly at the Commander.*

Morinth: So... The quarian.

*Shepard says nothing, his face stern and passive. Morinth's smug smirk turns to a predatory grin, er eyes gleaming with vicious lust.*

Morinth: I had a quarian once. She was young. On her Pilgrimage. A romantic concept, to brave the galaxy's dangers for the sake of your people. But she was always so... reserved. Selfless. She didn't put much thought into her own pleasures. Aha... I can still remember watching her peel that suit off of her skin... Maybe a trip down memory lane is called for...

Modifié par Lividity Jones, 29 juin 2010 - 07:47 .

[cannedcream]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Songs for a Quarian.

Wow, I get stuff done when the night crew is quiet.

Interesting list, Nuke.

I'll have to check out those songs later. The last one looks particularly good.

[NuclearBuddha]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Surprise minific attack!

*Shepard enters the Starboard Obdervation Deck, the woman impersonating Samara smirking slyly at the Commander.*

Morinth: So... The quarian.

*Shepard says nothing, his face stern and passive. Morinth's smug smirk turns to a predatory grin, er eyes gleaming with vicious lust.*

Morinth: I had a quarian once. She was young. On her Pilgrimage. A romantic concept, to brave the galaxy's dangers for the sake of your people. But she was always so... reserved. Selfless. She didn't  put much thought into her own pleasures. Aha... I can still remember watching her peel that suit off of her skin... Maybe a trip down memory lane is called for...

[cannedcream]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Surprise minific attack!

*Shepard enters the Starboard Obdervation Deck, the woman impersonating Samara smirking slyly at the Commander.*

Morinth: So... The quarian.

*Shepard says nothing, his face stern and passive. Morinth's smug smirk turns to a predatory grin, er eyes gleaming with vicious lust.*

Morinth: I had a quarian once. She was young. On her Pilgrimage. A romantic concept, to brave the galaxy's dangers for the sake of your people. But she was always so... reserved. Selfless. She didn't put much thought into her own pleasures. Aha... I can still remember watching her peel that suit off of her skin... Maybe a trip down memory lane is called for...

I. . .feel a strange mixture of arousal and rage. . . 

[Thelacan]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

How is this a bad thing?

I hope I wasn't too subtle about the whole thing...

It is not. Cursing more like as "god damnit buddha, what a twist", not in like " ****king buddha, making me read it again"

Don't know about that, but I think I'm not going to catch it all in one attempt of reading.

[NuclearBuddha]

There are a bunch of songs I'd like to use, but can't decide if I mean them as a joke or not.

Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon comes to mind.

Modifié par NuclearBuddha, 29 juin 2010 - 07:50 .

[Lividity Jones]

cannedcream wrote...

Okay, Liv, here is what I wrote onto Rip's blog. I hope it helps.

"As I said before, all-in-all this is good work. Xen is being written in a believable way and her dialog fits the character we got to know in the story quite well. The pacing so far is pretty good. It's nice to see the build-up between the chapters. It's as if the fan is being taken out of storage. Soon it shall be plugged in and the **** will be thrown at it.

My biggest concern is one that you talked about before if I'm not mistaken; and that is that I think you're trying too hard to make Xen into a sympathetic character, especially in Chapter 1. It's obvious that someone like Xen must have had an impossibly difficult life that shaped her personality (and sanity) but, my own personal feelings are that this is something that should be gradually gotten into rather than explained so heavily in chapter 1. You did a much better job in part 2, I feel, where we hear about her life, but it's much more subtle and hinted at. I think it might be a good idea to continue with that route for a few more chapters until the we've reached the real arch of the tale.

Again, so far I think it reads really well, there are no errors that I've seen and it's an interesting piece that I hope you see through to the end."

Your feedback is appreciated.

Really throwing all of that at the reader in chapter one was meant to give you a sense of how deep she actually is as a character. Most people just write her off as a generic villain, but Rip and I saw much greater potential. Chapter one is like dipping your toe in a pool, you get a sense of how it feels. It's just a peak into who she is. We plan on developing her much more as it goes on.

[cannedcream]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Your feedback is appreciated.

Really throwing all of that at the reader in chapter one was meant to give you a sense of how deep she actually is as a character. Most people just write her off as a generic villain, but Rip and I saw much greater potential. Chapter one is like dipping your toe in a pool, you get a sense of how it feels. It's just a peak into who she is. We plan on developing her much more as it goes on.

Well, that's just my 2 cents and is only as serious as you take it.

Should be interesting to see how it all ends up.

[Lividity Jones]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...

Surprise minific attack!

*Shepard enters the Starboard Obdervation Deck, the woman impersonating Samara smirking slyly at the Commander.*

Morinth: So... The quarian.

*Shepard says nothing, his face stern and passive. Morinth's smug smirk turns to a predatory grin, er eyes gleaming with vicious lust.*

Morinth: I had a quarian once. She was young. On her Pilgrimage. A romantic concept, to brave the galaxy's dangers for the sake of your people. But she was always so... reserved. Selfless. She didn't  put much thought into her own pleasures. Aha... I can still remember watching her peel that suit off of her skin... Maybe a trip down memory lane is called for...

-RAGEsnip-

Victory!

[NCLanceman]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Surprise minific attack!

*Shepard enters the Starboard Obdervation Deck, the woman impersonating Samara smirking slyly at the Commander.*

Morinth: So... The quarian.

*Shepard says nothing, his face stern and passive. Morinth's smug smirk turns to a predatory grin, er eyes gleaming with vicious lust.*

Morinth: I had a quarian once. She was young. On her Pilgrimage. A romantic concept, to brave the galaxy's dangers for the sake of your people. But she was always so... reserved. Selfless. She didn't put much thought into her own pleasures. Aha... I can still remember watching her peel that suit off of her skin... Maybe a trip down memory lane is called for...

[Lividity Jones]

cannedcream wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...

Your feedback is appreciated.

Really throwing all of that at the reader in chapter one was meant to give you a sense of how deep she actually is as a character. Most people just write her off as a generic villain, but Rip and I saw much greater potential. Chapter one is like dipping your toe in a pool, you get a sense of how it feels. It's just a peak into who she is. We plan on developing her much more as it goes on.

Well, that's just my 2 cents and is only as serious as you take it.

Should be interesting to see how it all ends up.

Of course. I value your opinion.

Just thought I'd explain things a little.

I know Rip and I are playing with fire in more ways than one.

Hopefully, nobody gets burned.

Modifié par Lividity Jones, 29 juin 2010 - 07:55 .

[cannedcream]

Lividity Jones wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

-RAGEsnip-

Victory!

You broke Nuke. . .

[cannedcream]

Lividity Jones wrote...

Of course. I value your opinion.

Just thought I'd explain things a little.

I know Rip and I are playing with fire in more ways than one.

Hopefully, nobody gets burned.

If anyone does end up being offended in whatever way, than they need a pill for chilling.
The point of the these fics is to explore these kinds of ideas and characters, to expand upon the world presented to us.
People are going to like this fic, Liv. I've got a good feeling about it.

[Thelacan]

cannedcream wrote...

You broke Nuke. . .

Wonders if those enviro-suits protect from the fallout...

[Lividity Jones]

cannedcream wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...

-RAGEsnip-

Victory!

You broke Nuke. . .

That's what happens when you let the space-vampire on board.

Your quarian lover gets brain-raped to death.

[NuclearBuddha]

cannedcream wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...
Victory!

You broke Nuke. . .

[uhdnrt]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Success?

Edit:  Success!  Maybe I should make a banner for my "serious" FF, too...

But what would you call the whole series?  I now my "This and That" series got its title from the way I named the various secitions.

[NuclearBuddha]

Lividity Jones wrote...
That's what happens when you let the space-vampire on board.

Your quarian lover gets brain-raped to death.

I think I've got a save right before that mission.  I might just go kill Morinth again.

Modifié par NuclearBuddha, 29 juin 2010 - 08:01 .

[NuclearBuddha]

uhdnrt wrote...

NuclearBuddha wrote...
Success?

Edit:  Success!  Maybe I should make a banner for my "serious" FF, too...

But what would you call the whole series?  I now my "This and That" series got its title from the way I named the various secitions.

It's got a title, though it's only given as such on my other blog.

"Unseen"

[cannedcream]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

*snip*

If it takes that long after an obvious flirtatious conversation for the girl to bring up the fact that she has a boyfriend, you should legally be allowed to do that.

[Lividity Jones]

NuclearBuddha wrote...

Lividity Jones wrote...
That's what happens when you let the space-vampire on board.

Your quarian lover gets brain-raped to death.

I think I've got a save right before that mission.  I might just go kill Morinth again.

Have fun!