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[CptSkull]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Azint wrote...

RiptideX1090 wrote...

I know. I don't have a light at the end of the tunnel. No pot at the end of the rainbow. No god waiting to great me when I fall. It took me years to accept it, but I have.

When I die, it will be a cold thing, it will be empty, as was what preceded it. Until then, I am content to draw pictures and write stories about people that don't exist, for people without faces, and to fight in a war and in a country that will not remember me. I'll fade away, and it won't matter. I'm a ghost. It's who I am. I'm fine with that.

Then nothing has its values. Nothing you ever do will ever mean anything. Why bother ever doing it? If you actually accept that your purpose is that, then that is all it would ever amount to. Do something, and mean it. Don't take a nihlistic approach to it, you're still too young to think like that and you accomplish nothing by preemptively doing it.

So what does anything mean to you? Do we mean nothing to you? You will likely never meet any of us, but you continue your activities here and you do it passionately. If you truly were fine with it, you would not be here, you would not be doing what you are, you would not be doing any fucking thing. Yet here you are. I believe that you think you know what you are saying, but I doubt you actually believe it. I've known things like this, and you are falling short of the criteria.

You need to give it time. It may take a year, it may take ten, twenty. You will find something and you will finally see what you need.

Nihilsm is the only thing that really makes sense to me. Only to me, I suppose. Putting a name to it doesn't seem right, though. I don't know. Not sure if I could sum up my thoughts and feelings on it with a single word, or a book of them for that mattter.

As it stands, I keep going in the hopes something will come along. That, or I die. Until then, I pass the time, filling the empty spaces with things that have questionable value. I'll either find a reason to live, or I won't. For now, I'm still looking. I'm not sure in the end that it matters. I'm not in the end that it doesn't.

I'm just, waiting, I suppose. Find work, save money, repair my eyes and my flesh, enlist, and what happens, happens. I feel no loss for anything either way. At least, I try not to. I know what I want. I know what I need. I just don't know how to get it, where to get it, or if in the end, it's even worth it. I don't know a lot of things...

Until then, I distract an overly energetic and creative mind with art, writing, and video games. I get tired of thinking about it sometimes... seeing as it's all I feel I do anymore.

Keep thinking like that and you'll end up like this:

[RiptideX1090]

Look, Azint, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'd rather not continue this discussion. I'm sorry.

[Raid1000]

CptSkull wrote...

Keep thinking like that and you'll end up like this:

What the... Why the hell guy in first few seconds is wearing... Female clothes on legs.

[Spornicus]

When I opened this thread, I expected talk about Tali. Very cheery in here....

[RiptideX1090]

Spornicus wrote...

When I opened this thread, I expected talk about Tali. Very cheery in here....

I agree...

Sincere apologies.

I'm an idiot.

[Azint]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Nihilsm is the only thing that really makes sense to me. Only to me, I suppose. Putting a name to it doesn't seem right, though. I don't know. Not sure if I could sum up my thoughts and feelings on it with a single word, or a book of them for that mattter.

As it stands, I keep going in the hopes something will come along. That, or I die. Until then, I pass the time, filling the empty spaces with things that have questionable value. I'll either find a reason to live, or I won't. For now, I'm still looking. I'm not sure in the end that it matters. I'm not in the end that it doesn't.

I'm just, waiting, I suppose. Find work, save money, repair my eyes and my flesh, enlist, and what happens, happens. I feel no loss for anything either way. At least, I try not to. I know what I want. I know what I need. I just don't know how to get it, where to get it, or if in the end, it's even worth it. I don't know a lot of things...

Until then, I distract an overly energetic and creative mind with art, writing, and video games. I get tired of thinking about it sometimes... seeing as it's all I feel I do anymore.

It sounds to me that you have not actually accepted what you say. It does not even sound like you have given up. You are unsure of what to do.

You have an entire life to live through, saying you missed an oppurtunity and calling it as the only oppurtunity you will ever have is simply naive. Naive and childish. I have been put into spots where I felt like there was no future, no tomorrow, nothing waiting for me. This has happend multiple times. But I found a way out. I have done a lot more than I even expected to.

You have not lost anything, you are not looking hard enough. Go ahead and save money, build a foundation for yourself then plot a course. You have quite a lot of talents and potential, it would be a waste if you do not even bother to look into them. It is difficult to find something you are not looking for.

There is nothing wrong here, you are just distracted. The only thing I would call wrong is that you are sharing this on the internet and now you have me involved. Go find something nice, you may even need to take a break from whatever has you occupied.

Remember my usual exit phrase?

Have fun.

That's what I'm doing.

[CptSkull]

Spornicus wrote...

When I opened this thread, I expected talk about Tali. Very cheery in here....

Here:
 

[Azint]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Look, Azint, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'd rather not continue this discussion. I'm sorry.

I was just about to log off, then you had to bring that up.

I'm done, too.

[RiptideX1090]

Azint wrote...

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Look, Azint, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'd rather not continue this discussion. I'm sorry.

I was just about to log off, then you had to bring that up.

I'm done, too.

Yes, well, you do always need to get the last word, don't you?

Let's never talk about this again.

[khevan]

Riptide: If I'm stepping where I don't belong, tell me. I won't be offended if told to keep my yap shut.



I realize that you told Azint that you'd rather not continue the discussion you were having with him, and I respect that, so I'll make this brief, and I won't expect any type of reply.



I've been where (I think) you are now. I served in the Army for seven years, one of those spent in Iraq. I saw things, and did things, that made me question whether there was a God, whether there was any point to anything at all. I won't tell you that there's hope, because you won't believe me. I won't tell you that how you're feeling is wrong, because for you it isn't wrong. All I'm going to say is this: I realize that I am nothing more than words on a computer screen, but if you ever want to talk or need to talk, you can PM me any time.



I realize this is presumptuous of me to even offer, seeing as how I know little to nothing of what your situation is, but I'm willing to step out on that limb.



I'll end this now, the offer I made above is always open.

[RiptideX1090]

Noted Khevan. Concern is appreciated, but unnecessary. I'll be okay. I'm always okay.



New topic, preferably one that does not involve my morals or my life.

[Someone With Mass]

Let's take Tali to the bed.

[Azint]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Yes, well, you do always need to get the last word, don't you?

Let's never talk about this again.

There are so many things I wish I never brought up. They still do from time to time.
Now again, to have the final word; get laid.

"Keelah Se'Lai."





Look at what you've brought me to....

Modifié par Azint, 02 juillet 2010 - 09:06 .

[RiptideX1090]

Azint wrote...

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Yes, well, you do always need to get the last word, don't you?

Let's never talk about this again.

There are so many things I wish I never brought up. They still do from time to time.
Now again, to have the final word; get laid.

Keelah Se'Lai.

Look at what you've brought me to....

Alright, I had to smile at that one.

Goodnight Azint.

[uhdnrt]

Anything but space elf Tali. Besides - piercings would be impractical.

Anyway. In the mood to write, but need some inspiration. Good Things Happen when I am properly inspired. Currently listening to The Protomen (specifically [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72dNF9LEhDE&feature=related[/url] at the moment), but could use some musical inspiration (must have lyrics).

Can anyone oblige?

Modifié par uhdnrt, 02 juillet 2010 - 09:08 .

[khevan]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

New topic, preferably one that does not involve my morals or my life.

In that case, I just went back and re-read Noir Tali is Noir from start to finish.  I'd followed your and Buddha's sessions since almost the beginning, and I have to say that reading it all together makes me appreciate just how well you two collaborated during the whole thing.  It reads pretty damned close to a single story written by one author, and the full impact of the story is even more apparent when taken as a whole.

I just wanted to say, again, excellent job.  Noir is easily among my favorite fanfics of all time.

[Gust4v]

Someone With Mass wrote...
It's true. When she takes damage, I'm focusing all my fire towards the guy who's doing the shooting. Not to mention how much I love to run into the first room on the Alarei, yelling "WOLVERINES!"

Doing this in slow motion, thanks to the Solider's passive sprint boost makes it even more fun.

Yeah, I have eaten rockets and charged primes for her. lol

I hate the soldier sprint boost, it makes the voices sound bad.

[RiptideX1090]

khevan wrote...

RiptideX1090 wrote...

New topic, preferably one that does not involve my morals or my life.

In that case, I just went back and re-read Noir Tali is Noir from start to finish.  I'd followed your and Buddha's sessions since almost the beginning, and I have to say that reading it all together makes me appreciate just how well you two collaborated during the whole thing.  It reads pretty damned close to a single story written by one author, and the full impact of the story is even more apparent when taken as a whole.

I just wanted to say, again, excellent job.  Noir is easily among my favorite fanfics of all time.

Thanks. We didn't really plan much ahead. We knew where it ended up, and that was about it. Everything else was pretty spontaneous.

[Raid1000]

Gust4v wrote...

Yeah, I have eaten rockets and charged primes for her. lol

I hate the soldier sprint boost, it makes the voices sound bad.

Never played soldier, is it like Infiltrator slow motion when he uses scope?

[Someone With Mass]

Raid1000 wrote...

Gust4v wrote...

Yeah, I have eaten rockets and charged primes for her. lol

I hate the soldier sprint boost, it makes the voices sound bad.

Never played soldier, is it like Infiltrator slow motion when he uses scope?

No, his passive power gives him such a high boost in storm speed or whatever it's called, that every time you sprint, all the sounds around you gets slowed down. You know that annoying slow motion yell? That's basically what it is.

Modifié par Someone With Mass, 02 juillet 2010 - 09:21 .

[khevan]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Thanks. We didn't really plan much ahead. We knew where it ended up, and that was about it. Everything else was pretty spontaneous.

I know, and that makes it even more impressive.  Even though it was a horrible time in Tali's life, we know from hindsight that it gets better, and the glimpse inside her head is an interesting look at her story from a different perspective.

Something that I've been noodling about doing was a perspective of Shepard just before going thru the Omega 4 relay, something kinda brooding about all the crap he's seen, and then TALI!, but I don't want it to be too emo or whatnot.  I'm still working on it in my head, trying to get it to sound right.

[RiptideX1090]

khevan wrote...

RiptideX1090 wrote...

Thanks. We didn't really plan much ahead. We knew where it ended up, and that was about it. Everything else was pretty spontaneous.

I know, and that makes it even more impressive.  Even though it was a horrible time in Tali's life, we know from hindsight that it gets better, and the glimpse inside her head is an interesting look at her story from a different perspective.

Something that I've been noodling about doing was a perspective of Shepard just before going thru the Omega 4 relay, something kinda brooding about all the crap he's seen, and then TALI!, but I don't want it to be too emo or whatnot.  I'm still working on it in my head, trying to get it to sound right.

I have so many ideas for short little stories...

Did you read Healing?

[khevan]

RiptideX1090 wrote...

I have so many ideas for short little stories...

Did you read Healing?

Yes, I did.  Had to go look it up in your blog to make sure.  I've read so much fanfic in the last few weeks that the stories and the titles to those stories are getting a bit jumbled.

I really liked it.  I'm not too sure about Tali being on the Normandy when it blew, though.  Something about that just doesn't quite sit right with me, but I can't put a finger on it well enough to criticize constructively, so I won't say any more about that.  But in any case, it wasn't a strong enough "no!" in my head for me to do more than go "Hmm, not sure I'da wrote it that way." 

But I did like the rest of the story very much.

[Gust4v]

Raid1000 wrote...
Never played soldier, is it like Infiltrator slow motion when he uses scope?

Hmm, I don't remember. I have not played Infiltrator for months.

[RiptideX1090]

khevan wrote...

RiptideX1090 wrote...

I have so many ideas for short little stories...

Did you read Healing?

Yes, I did.  Had to go look it up in your blog to make sure.  I've read so much fanfic in the last few weeks that the stories and the titles to those stories are getting a bit jumbled.

I really liked it.  I'm not too sure about Tali being on the Normandy when it blew, though.  Something about that just doesn't quite sit right with me, but I can't put a finger on it well enough to criticize constructively, so I won't say any more about that.  But in any case, it wasn't a strong enough "no!" in my head for me to do more than go "Hmm, not sure I'da wrote it that way." 

But I did like the rest of the story very much.

Right.

To be fair, I did write it in one sitting, while simultaneously writing AOD and working on Reckoning.