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I am going to take how snappy you've been at everything lately into judgement and determine that you need to take a break from this.RiptideX1090 wrote...
I get headaches. It's not related. Maybe it is. Doesn't matter. I'm fine.
Just... confused. Lost, maybe.
SpatFieya wrote...
*Ba-dum, tish*cannedcream wrote...
Strawberry Kiwi wrote...
You know, I misunderstood you, and actually read the poll's discription in Zaeed's voice...
...
I don't think Zaeed survived that shot to the head as well as he thought he did. . .
Azint wrote...
We added the point that they both realize that their is something wrong with their relationship. I thought that would be a good enough theme to bring up over the course of the story, I did not intend for it to be hammered into every instance.RiptideX1090 wrote...
Pacing? There is no cohesion. The Blue Suns segment was fine, except we didn't actually accomplish anything. Aside from adding tension to Shepard and Tali's relationship, which we could have done FAR more easily on Camala. Instead, we burn through all this exposition, just to get data would could have gotten anyway, to kill off people who never actually mattered, and involved an organization we've given NO explanation for. If I was reading this, I'd be confused as hell. Writing it, I'm confused.
Depth? What depth? We've added TONS of depth to Shepard and Tali, but the plot itself? Am I missing something? If we have clear options, I'd love to hear them.
Now our options:
-Head off with the data that you wrote in so that we can carry into another segment
-Take to Camela and resolve the issues with the Slavers we mentioned as another segment
-Take the above option and set that as the rest of the story
-Try to find something else for them to do (to add further inconsistency)
-Or we can very well end the project
Azint wrote...
I am going to take how snappy you've been at everything lately into judgement and determine that you need to take a break from this.RiptideX1090 wrote...
I get headaches. It's not related. Maybe it is. Doesn't matter. I'm fine.
Just... confused. Lost, maybe.
-AoD
-Reckoning
-Your off-mentioned personal project
-Your possible collaboration in the future
-Your life
That is a lot to handle all at once, taking a break is the least you can do for yourself.
SpatFieya wrote...
Alright, I'm heading out. Realized I have class in 6 hours, and I have yet to sleep.
Azint, Rip; AoD is coming a long good. Will admit, not a big fan of Renegade Shep, but your story is proving to be a nicely done piece. Looking forward to more.
Later.
You never cease to amaze me, Rip.RiptideX1090 wrote...
I don't want to take a break. And I don't plan to. If I needed to, I would. Relax.
Modifié par Strawberry Kiwi, 06 juillet 2010 - 07:36 .
Strawberry Kiwi wrote...
You never cease to amaze me, Rip.RiptideX1090 wrote...
I don't want to take a break. And I don't plan to. If I needed to, I would. Relax.
Edit: If not amazing, amusing.
We only completed two segments of the story, The Citadel, and the Blue Suns station. The theme of their relationship began with a brief mention in the first segment, and became part of the conflict in the second segment. So far, the theme is doing fine with that. You are concerned that every part of the story must directly connect with another, and not all stories work like that. The connection between these two segments was the cause of an event, not the characters intetionally doing it. That is what seems to be bothering you, and I am trying to tell you that it does not have to be the case. I am trying to make the story loose, but not seperated by gaps, you want it to be concise and bridged.RiptideX1090 wrote...
A theme, yes. But a theme needs to work with the plot. They need to interweave. It feels like we don't have that. They feel seperate. Doesn't matter at this point.
-If we go with the data, I don't know what to do with it. I can try to figure out something.
-To what end? I suppose I could look for a way to tie it all together. To give the previous section meaning.
-I suppose. If you wanted to go further, by all means. I just want to get this story moving in a direction that makes sense and is easy to understand.
-You know what I'm going to say to that.
-I don't leave projects half finished if I can help it.
So you, at least, are intentionally trying to bring Tali (and the readers) to the point where she reaches her Moral Event Horizon? Is that what the build up is going to lead to?Azint wrote...
Well, it appears the audience is beginning to feel as how I intended them to...Lividity Jones wrote...
And Tali should grow a pair and dump the douchebag.
Seriously.
How Renegade-
Y'know what? **** it.
This isn't an argument I or anybody can win.
RiptideX1090 wrote...
Strawberry Kiwi wrote...
You never cease to amaze me, Rip.RiptideX1090 wrote...
I don't want to take a break. And I don't plan to. If I needed to, I would. Relax.
Edit: If not amazing, amusing.
Me? I'm hardly amazing.
I'm snappy as a default, this is not like your usual self. At least not from what we've seen here.RiptideX1090 wrote...
You're snappy all the time.
I don't want to take a break. And I don't plan to. If I needed to, I would. Relax.
Azint wrote...
We only completed two segments of the story, The Citadel, and the Blue Suns station. The theme of their relationship began with a brief mention in the first segment, and became part of the conflict in the second segment. So far, the theme is doing fine with that. You are concerned that every part of the story must directly connect with another, and not all stories work like that. The connection between these two segments was the cause of an event, not the characters intetionally doing it. That is what seems to be bothering you, and I am trying to tell you that it does not have to be the case. I am trying to make the story loose, but not seperated by gaps, you want it to be concise and bridged.RiptideX1090 wrote...
A theme, yes. But a theme needs to work with the plot. They need to interweave. It feels like we don't have that. They feel seperate. Doesn't matter at this point.
-If we go with the data, I don't know what to do with it. I can try to figure out something.
-To what end? I suppose I could look for a way to tie it all together. To give the previous section meaning.
-I suppose. If you wanted to go further, by all means. I just want to get this story moving in a direction that makes sense and is easy to understand.
-You know what I'm going to say to that.
-I don't leave projects half finished if I can help it.
As I said, I am willing to go in either direction. This is still all new to me, doing fanfiction, and a collaboration none the less.
I would also like to remind you of a point you may have missed back when we started this; I am doing this for fun.
I simply want to write something to entertain some readers. If you are not enjoying this, I feel we may need to do something about it.
Azint wrote...
I'm snappy as a default, this is not like your usual self. At least not from what we've seen here.RiptideX1090 wrote...
You're snappy all the time.
I don't want to take a break. And I don't plan to. If I needed to, I would. Relax.
And that's the thing, you really should relax for a bit.
Someone With Mass wrote...
RiptideX1090 wrote...
Strawberry Kiwi wrote...
You never cease to amaze me, Rip.RiptideX1090 wrote...
I don't want to take a break. And I don't plan to. If I needed to, I would. Relax.
Edit: If not amazing, amusing.
Me? I'm hardly amazing.
Well, your thoughts about Tali are amusing sometimes.
By that I mean perverted in a funny way.
uhdnrt wrote...
So you, at least, are intentionally trying to bring Tali (and the readers) to the point where she reaches her Moral Event Horizon? Is that what the build up is going to lead to?
I'd also like to say that, in the last couple of sections, you have both been very good about showcasing Shepard's Hypocrisy concerning Tali. Very well done.
Modifié par Someone With Mass, 06 juillet 2010 - 07:47 .
Azint wrote...
Rip, really, what is it?
uhdnrt wrote...
To Rip and Azint: I think I see what Azint is getting at. Instead of requiring an interconnected plot for each section, it can also be a story that is simply snapshots into the progression to Tali's final acceptance of her renegade status; or, conversely, of the steps she will take to save Shepard from the fate of a renegade.
Either way, the sections don't have to be directly tied together; instead, the theme has to be the same. The theme being Tali's corruption that brings her to her MEH (see my above post for a link). As long as the theme is the same, the story will remain connected.
Is there something specific bothering you about this? Aside from the flow of events from the story.RiptideX1090 wrote...
Azint wrote...
Rip, really, what is it?
Hm?
Azint wrote...
Is there something specific bothering you about this? Aside from the flow of events from the story.RiptideX1090 wrote...
Azint wrote...
Rip, really, what is it?
Hm?
That's the issue bothering you, we both have different writing styles. You put focus on individual events, when I like to emphasize points that divide parts of a story. Either works fine for whatever story they are in, but you seem to be having a conflict of interests.RiptideX1090 wrote...
I understand.
It's simply not how I usually write.
Whatever is fine. I'll make it work.
I am speaking out of my own experiece, but I have had enough people scream, yell, break down crying, and simply open up to me to know it's best to just let it out.RiptideX1090 wrote...
Not at all.
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