This has been a good challenge. I can write jokes quite well, but jokes based on characters? Now that's an interesting adventure right there.
***
After Shepard, Tali, and Garrus landed on Illium, Garrus asked, "We're going to recruit the assassin now, right?"
"Thane, yes," Shepard said. "The dossier says he's a master sniper."
"Not as good as me," Garrus said.
Tali chuckled. "Well, of course. No one is as skilled as the legendary Archangel."
"This place is big," the Grand Galactic Inquisitor said. This caused Shepard to jump, twist around and notice the tall alien looking out into Illium's sunset-highlighted skyline. "And it is much warmer."
"What the hell are YOU doing here?" Shepard snapped. "How did you sneak onto the shuttle without any of us noticing?"
"Do not question the Grand Galactic Inquisitor!" the Inquisitor intoned. "Do not ask me questions at all! Ignore me!"
"Fantastic," Shepard said, throwing up his hands.
"You know," Garrus said, "we could sell him to an asari as an indentured servant."
"Absolutely not," Shepard said. "I won't be responsible for contributing to the asari suicide rate." He looked at the Inquisitor. "Since you're already here, you can come with us. But don't touch or say or DO anything."
"Do not give me orders!" the Inquisitor said. "I am invisible and cannot be ordered around!"
Tali tapped Shepard's shoulder to get his attention. "Don't worry, Shepard. Just say when and I'll give him one of the 'orders' I loaded into my shotgun."
They travelled into the trading center, heading towards the transporation area. Someone there could direct them to Thane's location - apparently the job he was on now was to take out a cruel asari named Nassana Dantius. The name sounded...familiar to him. Like he should've remembered it.
"It is a weird name," the Inquisitor suddenly said, jolting Shepard out of his thoughts.
"What the-" Shepard spun around to face the Inquisitor again. "Did you just read my mind?"
"IGNORE ME!" the Inquisitor said. Then: "Yes I did."
"You're not reading MY mind now, are you?" Garrus asked. He took a cautionary glance left and right.
"Do not ask me to read minds!" the Inquisitor said. "Continue thinking about attractive turian waistlines!"
Garrus's mandibles clacked in surprise. "Wha-but-now, hold on-"
"Shepard told you to behave," Tali said, jabbing her finger at the Inquisitor's speaker. "That means NO mind-reading, got it?"
"I do not intend to cause problems! I am only here to observe!"
"If you don't behave, you can observe my shotgun firing on bosh'ets in its natural habitat."
"Do not waste ammunition on me! Resume thinking about tying your commander to a bed!" The Inquisitor leaned in close to the quarian. "Which is kind of weird."
Tali's shotgun clacked as a round was loaded.
"IGNORE ME!"
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