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[westiex9]

Erian is an elven war veteran returning to the alienage after two years away from home, but despite his sevice to the crown he returns home to the same indifferance and misery he endured before he left for the war.  

Prologue

"If you want to go off and die for some bloody humans be my guest! ill stay here were we belong!" my wife had screamed this as i left the house to march off to war,vima never understood why i wanted to serve and she never forgave me for my decision. I know she never forgave me because she never replied to the letters i sent back from the front, not many elves served in the kings army and fewer still survived to serve in loghains.
 
Ive seen war in all its horror and thanks to the late teryn ive fought against my own countrymen as well as darkspawn.I went to fight because i believed that i could show the humans we elves were more then just servants and messengers. I was a minority and the only thing that stopped the soldiers at ostagar calling me knife ears to my face was my unusual size and build. I have no idea why but im one of the tallest elves around and that combined with my strength makes humans wary of me.

The war was harsh on everyone involved i fought at ostagar and i fought for loghain in the civil war and fought for the warden's army after loghain turned out to be a traitorous bastard, and a slaver to boot. But the war is over and im coming home.  

[westiex9]

chapter 1: Homecoming

Rain as i walk across the bridge leading into the alienage this rain is the only thing that greets my arrival, its a sorry sight a battered elf trudging across an equally battered old bridge. As i reach the row of houses that i used to call home i realize that the people here a far from pleased to see me. The dragon of gwaren emblazoned on my shield might have something to do with that, the people i pass give me nasty looks like im carrying the blight and their afraid they'll catch it.

One of my old neighbours strides up to me "Erian you think you can just stride back in here after two years and think we'll welcome you back!" he roars at me "this is my home" i reply moving past him "yeah well you abandoned it when you fought for that traitor!" he yells as i walk past.

I knew people wernt going to kick up a fuss at my return but i never suspected id be this unwelcome, and the feeling doesn't get any better as i reach my old house. The door is closed as i arrive and i feel my nerves getting to me as i knock, the door opens but its not Vima who answers "Yeah, who are you?" the man at the door answers "is vima here?" i ask trying to stay calm "hey vima! theres some soldier here to see you!" he yells.

Vima comes to the door, i realize the man who answered has no shirt on "Erian? your still alive!" she stares amazed "yeah, still alive" i reply knowing this won't end well  " well what do you want?" she asks in an irritated tone "i want to come into my own house vima!" i say " you made your choice when you went off to war! now get lost!" she yells tearing the wedding ring from her finger " and take your cheap jewelry with you!!" she says as the ring flies past my head. She slams the door and leaves me alone in the rain, i reach down and pick the ring up. 

I made this ring years ago from iron that was spare in the forge, the prancing dears on the ring still shining after so long. I put the ring in my pocket and stare at the sky, the rain continues to fall and drops of water pelt my face as i stand staring up as if beseeching some higher power to intervene. i don't get an answer so i decide to leave, i decide to visit old valendrian at very least he might put me up for a night.

Vima never liked me to be honest, always told me i was a dreamer and that i should concentrate on putting food on the table. She was a pragmatist and my idealism about serving the crown clearly didn't sit well with her, so she took another man into her bed and discarded me like old clothing.Maybe she was right, maybe i should have stayed here instead of marched it would have been an intelligent move to be sure but not one i could live with making. I walk down the rows of sad little houses on weary legs, all i can hope for now is a fire and a kind ear.  

[westiex9]

Chapter 2: Down and out in Denerim

As i walk down the winding alienage streets the weariness starts to get to me, ive been on my feet all day and was expecting to at least have a bed for the night when i got here. Its getting dark andi know its a bad time to be wandering the alienage alone even for an elf.

The alienage has been witness to some horrible scenes, i wasn't around for the revolt but i hear it was bloody and a lot of people here still resent the humans for it. Its strange that i really expected things to have changed on my return, the guards at the gates till call me knife ears, we still live in squalor and my wife still hates my guts. Well then again i am homeless now so i suppose thats a change.

The hahrens house is right behind the Venadahl the tree of the people and as i approach i suddenly feel small and even a little vulnerable in its presence. This tree was planted when my people first were moved to the alienage and not even the darkspawn managed to break its long vigil. The tree is a lot like the alienage community, battered and weathered but still strong and still standing.

The hahrens door is decorated with old elven sigils that not even valendrian can remember the meaning of and as i knock i wonder if the elder will turn me away like everyone else has. The door opens abruptly and Shianni stands before me, and she is smiling "Erian Tor, i heard a rumour that an elf was back from the war" she says in a freindly tone
"its me Shianni, still alive....but a little down on my luck" i reply forcing a smile.

Shianni doesn't hesitate and invites me in almost pulling me into the warmth of the hahrens home, Valendrian is busy by his fireplace adding wood but on my entrance he turns to greet me "Erian good to see your still with us, i take it you know about vima?" he asks in a sincere voice
" yes hahren i know, hasn't been much of a homecoming so far" i reply as shianni offers me a seat. Valendrian smiles at me 
"well my boy some of our people might have forgotten elven manners but i have not, come share the fire and a meal its the least i can offer you" i accept his offer of food and warmth without a second thought and the night suddenly seems less oppressive.


Valendrian does more then feed me and give me a fire he also fills me in on the events ive missed,The alienage might get a bann soon thanks to the new king being tolerant of our kind but thats months away and for the moment things are still the same as before i left.  "my advice Erian, ditch that shield and forget about vima,you have a chance to start again and you shouldn't waste it" valendrian says passing me a mug of ale
"but where should i go? and how am i going to make money" i ask confused as any veteran by peace
"you always liked helping people before you left, the alienage is a big place and the town guard rarely comes to our aid, maybe you should start with that" he replies as i sip my ale
"like a vigilante?" i ask
"more like an investigater" he replies with a grin
"investigater kinda has a nice ring to it" i reply with my first genuine smile all day.

Modifié par westiex9, 16 avril 2010 - 02:58 .

[westiex9]

Chapter 3:  Missing

The rundown tenements i now called home were not much differant from my old home, alienage elves like me are used to hard living and this place is cheap at very least. Valendrian wasn't been charitable when he suggested i become an "investigater" i spent most of my youth dealing with thefts and disputes in the alienage, we don't have guards here but we do have people trusted by the hahren to look into things.

Ive since taken Valendrian's advice and stashed my shield and armour in an old chest , i don't want my new life hindered by loghain's symbol anymore then it already has. Its been a week since i came home and the alienage has been strangely quiet,  that is not a good thing when you have to make money of commotion.

I eat quickly and pull on my cloak, if work won't find me ill have to go and find it. The city of denerim is home to countless folk of all shapes and sizes, elves can walk about it during the day well enough provided we go back to the alienage after dark. I head for the chanters board hoping they'll have something and sure enough they do, the tattered not pinned to the board concerns the dissapearance of a young boy from his mothers house and she's offering a sovereign for his return. A sovereign would pay my rent for a month, not an oppurtunity i want to miss out on. 

The letters author is a lady named Goodwife Paula Stephens and she lives on the rough side of the docks, territory that i can walk by day and not far from the alienage. I decide to head to her house and see what she knows, the walk is a short one. 

The house is a rundown old dock workers hovel, i knock on the door and am greeted by a short blonde haired woman. She looks a mess i can see cirlces under her eyes, she clearly hasn't slept much but then id be worried if she had "im here about the note on the chanters board miss" i say showing her the tattered parchment "oh...please come in!" she says with sudden energy.

The hovel is as bare and tattered on the inside as it looks on the outside and the smell of alcohol fills the tiny space we occupy  "willhem works at the docks but he doesn't earn much and what he does get paid usually goes to drink" she says picking up on my knowledge that the room smells like a brewery "what about your son?" i ask curious about the boy ive chosen to seek " wilbur is well....he's quiet and he doesn't like leaving the house much, the chantry says the boy is simple.....but he' s happy...." she says her voice trailing off as she realizes her son is not with her "What does he look like? does he have any freinds?" i ask hoping to get a better picture of the boy " my wilbur is short and he has his fathers brown eyes and black hair,he always wears a chantry pendant that belonged to his nan and no he doesn't really have any freinds'" i nod my head and ponder the situation.

Paula seems amazed that im an elf " see at lot of your sort round here, but ive never met one who answered chantry boards" she says staring at me "well miss im not a very good elf" i say with a grin which makes her force a smile " don't worry miss, ill find your lad" i reply as i get up and prepare to leave " on more thing miss where is your husband?" i ask curious " wilhem gambles mostly when he's not working...spends too much time at the inn down the road he does" she replies suddenly annoyed, i nod take my leave.

A distraught mother, a alcoholic gambler and a simple but treasured son, this sort of family isn't out of the ordinary in denerim and might as well be the norm in some parts. I head to the local inn, this is a human side of town and elves don't usually stride into pubs alone so i keep my hood up and hope no one will notice. The pub is  typical working class denerim, shoddy, uninviting and filled with similar guests. 

I Ask the bar tender in the most human sounding tone i can manage where i can find wilhem stephens, i slip him a few silvers too just to be sure of an answer " oh that berk! he's been drinking since noon in the corner, no idea where he's suddenly got all the coin from" the innkeeper replies pointing to a dingy boothe on the side. I nod my thanks and head over, Wilhem is a short man with a scrawny brown beard and mad eyes that dart from side to side in short the sort of unpredictable sod mother teaches you to avoid.

" what you want mate? can't you see im busy getting besotted!" he says slurring his words " strange time to be drinking your son missing and all" i reply showing him the chantry note which makes him angry " whadda you care! go soak yer head!" he rambles aggressively, i grab him by the throat "where did you get the money wilhem? what did you do?" i say tightening my grip on his throat " Zauben the ander he runs a gambling house" he says struggling to breathe " where!" i ask pulling him close enough to smell the cheap ale in his breath " on the kings wharf, large boarding house you can't miss it!" he groans as i throw him back against the wall, in my exertions i forget about my hood which has fallen to my shoulders.

Whilem stares up at me " a bloody knife ears roughed me up! get him!" he yells angrily as a crowd of very big and very drunk humans begin to close in on me, i decide to make myself scarce and run like an orlesian soldier. Ive got an appointment with Zauben's den and i aim to keep it

End of part 1

 


     

[TanithAeyrs]

This is a truly creative idea. Interesting to tell the story of a city elf detective. You have me intrigued. Please keep going with this one.

[Gilgamesh1138]

Oh, I love this. It reminds me of Bogart in "The Big Chill." One of my favorite movies evah. And I love mysteries. This is also unique and reminds me of one of my favorite fantasy book series with a Detective Garrett, set in a fantasy realm.



It is small, but watch capitalizations. And seperate paragraphs when another character starts speaking? None of this kept me from reading or enjoying the work. So keep it up! : D

[westiex9]

Chapter 3: missing part 2

Zauben the ander is the sort of person you learn to avoid from an early age, and that has less to do with the fact he is built like a bear and more to do with his habit of removing parts from gamblers who don't pay their debts.Anyone with common sense would stay far away  from his gambling shop, but like i said im an idealist and i lost mine a while back.

Kings wharf is one of the biggest docking areas in the kingdom, ships from all across thedas are docked here and thats exactly why zauben set up shop here,so he can take money from the pockets of foreign sailors. Zaubens gambling house is a big two floor establishment, as i enter some rivani horn players are filling the room with eery music. The room is filled with pipe smoke thanks to zauben importing rivani smoking to denerim, and as i move through the haze i wonder what he puts in those pipes.

Everywhere i look people are busy gambling, lesser nobles,mercenaries,sailors and to top it off the usual host of desperate fools trying to hit the big time. If theres one thing to be said for zauben its that he doesn't have any scruples with taking money from everyone, i struggle through the cramped tables and up the creaking stairs knowing zauben has a private table upstairs.

Zauben likes to  watch his money coming in, and as i approach his table i realise why he is so good at the gambling trade, he looks like he could snap a man in half and no one is going to argue with that kinda person.He sits surrounded by women in outfits that are a bit too short for the winter season, zauben himself sits bare chested his body a mass of corded muscles covered in black tatooes. Zauben has scars all across his tanned skin and his shoulders are covered by a cloak made from a black ander bears fur. This man has killed men,elves and dwarves the world over and now he's come to little old denerim to do the same to the locals, Creators help me.

As i walk up to his table his qunari bodyguard blocks me with a massive hand "what you want big elf?" zauben grunts as he smokes from his pipe, his black eyes giving me a look that suggests my continued existance offends him

" I need information" i ask trying to sound firm

"join club big elf, what kind of information?" he asks with a barely engaged tone

"whilhem stephens likes to gamble here, got a lot of money recently any ideas how?" i ask wondering if ill get an answer

"ah the stupid scruffy one, no doubt he's done something he'll regret" zauben sits back in his chair thinking for a moment " okay big elf we make deal, i give you information you owe me favour for later" he says allowing me a seat

"so how does a poor dock worker afford to drink from noon till late?" i ask

"stupid whilhem lost a game recently and most of his money with it, decided to sell his son" zauben says this as if it was the most normal thing in the world "

wait he sold his son!" i say suddenly outraged
 
"ya! stupid man went to a tevinter who deals slaves on the side and offered his kid as a trade for coin" he says still very matter-factly

"how do you know all this?" i reply knowing i won't like the answer

"because tevinter man also likes to make deals with me, and i keep tabs on my gamblers" he says with a wicked yellow toothed grin

"why wilbur though? paula told me he was simple?" i ask confused

" not simple big elf complex, boy has rare gift can paint and draw like fancy artist will make owner big coin" he replies shedding light on this mess

"thanks" i say rising from my chair.

As i walk away zaueben shouts " hey big elf don't forget you owe me favour"
 
i nod and keep walking, when i woke up this morning i didn't plan to be in debt to one of the cities most ruthless crime bosses but hey the creators love to surprise me.The adress of this tevinter is a large shop in the market district typical, tevinter's love to deal in filth but they always find the cleanest spot in town to do business from.

 

Modifié par westiex9, 16 avril 2010 - 02:47 .

[Gilgamesh1138]

YAY! Another chapter, thanks westie!

[westiex9]

Gilgamesh1138 wrote...

YAY! Another chapter, thanks westie!

Lol no problem Gil ill have another one up soon, with any luck i can start making this into a series of episodes.

[Gilgamesh1138]

*does happy dance*

[westiex9]

Chapter 3: missing part 3

 An alcoholic father sells his idiot-savant child for ale money, its the sort of thing you hear about in old tales and songs but i never expected to actually find myself dealing with it in the real world.The tevinter involved in slave trading is a guy called herodius, owns an arts shop in the market district. As i reach the shop it starts raining again, as if the city is weeping.

As i walk inside i find myself in a shop filled with old stone tablets,mosaics and statues the sort of stuff that costs more then i could ever hope to make and nobles enjoy consider a small change affair.Herodius is a short weasely looking man dressed in expensive clothing, looks like he has a high opinion of himself given the way he raises his chin when he notices an elf in his store.

"yes can i help you?" he asks in an impatient voice 

"maybe, nice shop you have here probably doesn't make as much money as slave trading mind" i say pretending to look at the statues at my side

"how dare you! get out of my shop!" he yells outraged

"look no use playing innocent herodius, i already know you deal in slaves and i want information" i say slamming the chantry note on his counter 

"i don't know anything about that!" he yells "now get out before i call the guard" i pick up a stone tablet

"racy stuff" i say commenting on the scene depicted on the tablet 

"thats a tevinter erotic mosaic don't play with it its...." his voice trails off as i let it slip from my fingers and shatter into pieces on the floor 

"sorry i have terrible grip these days, now tell me about wilbur" i say in a menacing tone

"im telling you i know nothing!!" he yells still denying the truth

I pick up a large bust "Aweful nice bust herodius, bet its fragile" i say holding it with one hand 

"Alright ill tell you, just put the piece down!" he begs as i gently place the bust back on the its pedestal, i move towards herodius "now tell me about wilbur" i say in a commanding voice

"the kid....his father offered him as a slave, said he painted so i paid five sovereigns for the boy" herdious says in a panicked voice 

"where is the boy now!" i ask gripping him by the collar 

"I-I im keeping him in a warehouse, he was going to be auctioned off to some nobles in orlais! now please if i tell you where he is will you let me go?!" he begs in a pathetic tone

"directions first" i reply coldly, he marks the warehouse on my map and i loosen my grip a little but then i notice the chantry amulet he's wearing on his neck " thats wilbur's!" i say grabbing the necklace and tearing it from herodious's neck 

"he didn't need it anymore!" herodious yells fearfully 

"ill make sure you get clapped in irons once i find wilbur" i say raising my fist

"who will believe you huh? the word of a knife ears like you counts for nothing!" he says laughing

"well my fist will have to do then" i hit him in the face, hard and he falls to the floor out cold, i tie his arms and legs to a nearby chair and hide him in the basement locking the door on my way out.

Herodius's warehouse is nearby a big thug guards the door and he doesn't look like the sort of person you can talk your way past

"what you want elf!?" he says aggressively as i approach

"i need to retrieve something from the warehouse" i reply with a grin

"too bad this is private property now sod off!" he growls and raises his truncheon threateningly

" oh well so much for an easy withdrawl" i mutter

he makes a breathless sound as i kick him in the nether regions with my army issue boot and collapses clutching his groin, i walk over him and into the warhouse. On the outside it looks like any other storage house but in here the sight is very differant, at least fifty people of varying ages are chained up in a barred cage. And their two guards don't take kindly to my tresspassing.

They don't ask quistions they just advance swords drawn i reach for my old boot knife and take a step back, the first guy lunges at me with his longsword i move to the side and he gets his blade stuck in the wall, i ram my knife into his exposed neck with a thrust and he falls to the ground twitching and his neck spurting hot blood onto the wooden floor, his partner however realizes my knife is still stuck in his freinds neck and lunges.

The second guards sword slices through my shirt sleeve and leaves a nasty cut down the side of my arm, i leap forward and tear my knife from his dead freinds neck. He rushes at me trying to impale me on his blade, side step him and stab at his leg with my knife which makes him howl in pain. His grip on his blade loosens as he reels from the knife thrust to his leg and i grab his shoulders and headbutt him creating a gory spray of blood and teeth as he collapses to the ground.

I take the cell key from the unconscious guards belt and open the cage "wilbur!" i call hoping to find the small boy in the sea of people. i don't get a response so i keep looking, he's sat at the end of the cage staring at the wall with a blank expression, i hold out his retrieved necklace "your mother sent me to find you" i say holding the necklace in my hand " take me to her" he says suddenly animated.

Before i can take wilbur home the door to the warehouse crashes open and city guards pour in led by a sergeant "what is the meaning of this!....makers breath we'd heard reports of slavers but.....we never expected them to be true" the sergrant blurts out at the sight of so many enslaved people

"the sculpture shop owner herodius, this is his work he's locked in his basement" i say "and who might you be sir?" he asks suspiciously "Erian torr...im here answering the chantry board notice
" i say passing him the note

" you travelled across denerim and shut down a slaver operation for one sovereign!" he says with a laugh "makers mercy you should have joined the watch freind!"  he suddenly seems less standoffish

" well i am sergeant kylon denerim watch and you my freind are one dedicated elf! we might have use for a person such as yourself, speak to me after we've finished up here" he says with a smile

"Sergeant one more thing, this boy" i say pointing to wilbur "he was sold into slavery by his father, a dock worker named wilhem stepehens" he suddenly looks serious again

"Jenkins" he yells " take some men to the docks and arrest this wilhem! shouldn't be hard to find"  he says passing them the chantry note
 
"well we best get this place sorted out, ill have someone take wilbur home, you my freind should get some rest" kylon says  patting me on the back, rest and paid rest at that would be welcome.

After a short hunt wilhem was apprehended by the guard and sentenced to rot in fort drakon, herodious on the other hand was hanged for slave trading,and so on a sunny day i went to Paula's to get my reward. The meeting is a short one but well worth the effort

"I can never thank you enough for saving my boy, i don't know what to say....at very least i can pay you, wilhems leftover money makes that possible" she says gently placing a gold sovereign into my hand

"what will you do now?" i ask suddenly curious

"im going to use the money taken from wilhem and go back to waking sea to stay with mother, wilhem can rot in fort drakon for all i care me and my boy will start a new life away from this wretched dock" she looks happy as she says this, but then to be free from poverty is a dream few achieve so she should be.

" i wish you all the best then" i say bidding her farewell

Im not sure what the future holds for those two, a brilliant painter child and his protective mother but i wish them well. As for me im getting used to this investigater business and i have a feeling that since kylon made me an honorary watchman ill have no shortage of cases. My adventures are far from over,if anything they are just beggining.

******************************************************
New cases coming soon

Modifié par westiex9, 16 avril 2010 - 02:40 .

[DragonShepard138]

Just reading the title I'm thinking of a song similar to this one using a blues progression lol.



When I have the time I'll check your story man.

Modifié par DragonShepard138, 16 avril 2010 - 07:34 .

[westiex9]

DragonShepard138 wrote...

Just reading the title I'm thinking of a song similar to this one using a blues progression lol.



When I have the time I'll check your story man.

Rofl! awesome clip, gotta love old muddy!

[Gilgamesh1138]

Oh, nice!



Oh westiex9 sweet darling, when is the next chapter? I gave a shout out on my last chapter on FF. I love this mystery, I am such a junkie. : )

[westiex9]

Gilgamesh1138 wrote...

Oh, nice!

Oh westiex9 sweet darling, when is the next chapter? I gave a shout out on my last chapter on FF. I love this mystery, I am such a junkie. : )

Not to worry Gil im busy fleshing out erians next case as we speak im thinking of a murder or maybe a theft, i do love a good intrigue!

[Gilgamesh1138]

Oh me too! Me too! *bounces up and down*

[westiex9]

Chapter 4: Nemera's song

There once was a singer whose voice could stun even the most drunken of louts into silence with its gentle melody, she sang at human establishments from the queens arms to the gnawed noble. Her name was nemera and she was an alienage elf, every night after work she walked home to the alienage were she lived. She'd take off the pretty dresses and remove the flowers from her hair, and cook a meagre supper for a husband whose legs never recovered from an accident many nights past.

Her name was nemera and now she's lying in a muddy alienage ditch with a stab wound and purple bruises around her neck, this place really makes me sick sometimes.

"Do we really have to leave her out like this erian? Meron is in a state enough as it is without his wife being naked to the world any longer then she already has been" My new assistant Castor asks in a pleading voice

"this is hard for all of us cast but we need to find out why she died before meron can give her a proper goodbye" i reply as he takes out a tattered parchment and quill from his pack
 
"she has bruises round her neck and a stab wound to the heart"  i say calmly assesing nemera's injury "why here? why not back in a human part of town?" i ask myself 

"maybe it wasn't a human who did it" castor responds as he scribbles with ink stained fingers

"thats a possibility but, nemera was beloved by our community and i doubt it could be an elf, besides look at this wound" i say pointing to the thrust in nemera's chest

"id rather not erian, whats so important about that stab wound anyway?" castor asks, his face a mixture of nausea and outrage

"Ive seen wounds like this before castor, a crown issue longsword always leaves a distinctive shape when it pierces a body and we both know the only people with crown issue swords are soldiers,mercenaries and maker help us city guards" i say grimly

"So we are dealing with someone official?" castor asks suddenly nervous

"unfortunatley that is a possibility" i reply "but in any case we can't gain anything more from this scene, tell meron he can take nemera's body from this place" i say pulling out my map 

A singer murdered on alienage soil with a Crown issue blade,poverty in the alienage is an everyday fact but we take care of each other at very least. No it was no elf that murdered nemera, besides ever since the revolt two years ago few elves have been allowed to possess a weapon least of all one forged in denerims armoury.The revelation that this might be someone official does not surprise me though, queen fiona reinstated   arl urien's son vaughan in exchange for his support in the landsmeet against loghain, so elves have plenty of hate directed our way. 

This case gives me a terrible feeling in my gut, it stinks of all the usual brutalities elves have to put up with, guards beating the citizens they are meant to protect, casual hatred from the passerby and the indifferance of the human population.I doubt many people outside the alienage will lose any sleep over one dead elven woman, we just arn't wealthy enough to elicit much interest from outsiders. 

Castor is not taking this well either, i recruited the boy at valendrians insistance when i moved in to my new house/office and he's green as the brecillian's. He's never seen a dead body before and its a damn shame his first case is the one he does witness a death on, but i can't stop to comfort him much because we have a murderer to find, and this killer has made things personal by killing a woman from my home. 

I decide we need to trace Nemera's route home and visit the bars and pubs she worked in, maybe we'll find something useful there. 


 

[Gilgamesh1138]

Wonderful! I am enthralled once again. Only one little thing, watch for letters of words and names that need capital letters, "I saw, I did or I spoke to. And for proper names. I caught it more in the beginning and less towards the end. It helps to read the names and they don't blend in so much.



I can't wait for more! : D

[westiex9]

Gilgamesh1138 wrote...

Wonderful! I am enthralled once again. Only one little thing, watch for letters of words and names that need capital letters, "I saw, I did or I spoke to. And for proper names. I caught it more in the beginning and less towards the end. It helps to read the names and they don't blend in so much.

I can't wait for more! : D

Thanks for the feedback gil i constantly forget the little details lol  

[Gilgamesh1138]

ROFL, too caught up in writing, no doubt. You may want to edit to make it easier for your readers. You an write and edit after. I do.



Like I said, I am really enjoying this, and I eagerly await the next one!

[TanithAeyrs]

Another mystery, West you spoil us. Can't wait to see where this one goes.

[Gilgamesh1138]

He does doesn't he? *bats lashes at westiex9* : D

[westiex9]

Chapter 4: Nemera’s song part 2
The queen’s arm is denerim’s biggest pub even if it isn’t the most prestigious; the place was founded shortly after the war on the very spot the pub now stands as a makeshift field kitchen for the weary soldiers. Queen Fiona soon had a real pub installed and it became the tavern of choice for soldiers and guardsmen, Nemera sang here and her murderer may have been amongst her audience. 

The establishment is only just opening for the afternoon when we arrive and is thankfully near deserted save for the odd drunk. The barman recognises me as we approach the counter

“I know you! Sergeant Tor! It’s you isn’t it!” he says with a smile

“Ronald! It’s good to see you, thought you’d went back to west hills after the war” I reply

“Nah wasn’t much to go back to after the spawn wrecked the place, decided to stay on in denerim and try my luck as a tavern owner” he says polishing the counter with an old rag as he talks

“Listen I hate to cast a nasty shadow over your day but do you remember an elven girl named Nemera?” I ask

“Young dark haired lass? Oh maker she sings here all the time....is she...alright” he asks in a worried voice

“She was raped and murdered last night and left in an alienage gutter, and the murderer used a crown issue blade” I say knowing Roland will know the implications

“Makers mercy ! She was such a kind person, never saw her get angry or lose her calm ever....she didn’t deserve this...no one does” he says suddenly horrified

“I know this is hard Roland but did any of your customers seem out of place or behave out of the ordinary last night?” I ask

“Well now that you mention it a group of the city guards were acting a little rowdy” he says after a moment’s silence

“Rowdy?” I say curious

“They were heckling the lass as she sang and the officer among them, well the way he was looking at her.....just seemed off” he replies

“Did you overhear any names?” I ask nodding to castor to take notes

“Gavin....I think that was the name, corporal Gavin....he was the leader of the group” Roland says after thinking about it

“What did Gavin look like? “I ask as castor scribbles notes with his quill

“Tall, blonde and he had this smirk on his face...like he thought he was the best thing since Andraste” he says suddenly disturbed by the memory

“Hmmm Kylon will probably want to know about this” I reply “Thank you Roland, that information will help us greatly” I say as we leave

“I hope you catch whoever did this” he says, I nod and we head out into the street

“Kylon isn’t going to like you investigating his men for murder” castor says knowing my plans

“No he isn’t but I have little choice, Nemera sang at the queens arms and was killed with a crown blade, it was someone from the guard and I need to find out whom” 

We head to the guard headquarters in the market district, and for my sakes hope that Kylon is in a good mood. The city guard has been working from the old stone barracks in the market district since the time of the Orlesians and the place is as underpaid and overworked as ever.

The inside of the old guard barracks is a cramped and rowdy place where criminals are dragged in kicking and screaming, Kylons office is a small room at the back and as we head there we are forced to navigate through crowds of victims, criminals and guards. I knock once and then enter Kylons office where he sits scribbling reports on parchment

“Erian, good to see you any luck with that murder case I sent you?” he asks looking up from his writing

“Yes but I don’t think you’re going to like my findings much” I reply 

“The woman was murdered by a person wielding a standard issue crown blade” I say showing him some of castors notes

“Your right Erian I don’t like your findings, I’m not fond of investigating my own men but if your hunch that its crown steel is correct I will have no choice” he replies sitting back in his chair

“I spoke with the barkeep at the queens arms, apparently a corporal Gavin was there and was heckling the young lass throughout the evening” I say realising I’ve just ruined his day

“Gavin ! Now this I’m not surprised about, the corporal has been in trouble for drinking and disorderly conduct before and we had to suspend him a month ago when he beat an elven man” Kylon says matter-factly

“Why wasn’t he booted out of the guard?” castor asks in a curious voice which shows his naivety

“We have few enough men as it is and the ones I have got the captain is loath to remove, so people like Gavin get away with their misconduct” Kylon says annoyed at the reality of his situation

“What’s his background?” I ask

“He’s the captain of the guards nephew, meaning he’s able to get way with things that id have other guardsmen suspended for” Kylon replies pulling a large book from his desk

“Disciplinary actions that were conveniently ignored, cases suspect brutality that got buried and forgotten, in short Gavin is near untouchable without a solid condemnation backed by equally strong evidence” Kylon says with a sigh

“Isn’t there anyway to investigate him? “ I ask concerned my suspect might slip the noose

“Apart from independent investigation no and I can’t recommend anything, as long as we have nothing solid to link him with that murder his uncle will suppress anything I bring against him”  Kylon says with a sad look

As we leave the guard headquarters it starts raining, I know were on our own and this Gavin is protected by a sea of nepotism that keeps me from even questioning him. I’ll have to try something a little more drastic.
 
 
 

Modifié par westiex9, 17 avril 2010 - 12:21 .

[Gilgamesh1138]

Sweet, I have to go do errands, but I will read this when I get back! YAY! Thanks westie! *hugs*

[westiex9]

Nemera’s song part 3
I remember back in the army how we’d sometimes get reports from scouts and rangers about predators in the wild, they’d come back telling tales of diseased creatures like blight wolves leading whole packs of lesser animals. Predators to the end, even the blight can’t silence a predator’s instincts. Predators that walk in the skin of men are equally predictable; they attract a small pack of lesser sycophants and thugs who follow at their heel like whipped dogs.

 That is essentially what murders are predators no better than wild dogs or wolves, they are slaves to their lust be that alcohol, violence or sex or in Gavin’s case all three. I can’t touch Gavin without evidence that solidly incriminates him, so I have decided to try another source first.

This is why I am climbing through officer Paedan’s window; its midnight and he will likely be slumbering in his apartment on the third floor of the tenement. I’ve spent the entire morning planning my approach, after all if you want to catch of blight wolf you have to first strike at his pack and that demands certain thoroughness. 
Paedan is slumbering in his bed his snores loud enough to raise Andraste from the dead, he was foolish to leave his window open but then who expects a visitor this late. I creep up to him avoiding creaking floorboards, as I stand over him I draw my boot knife and grasp his neck holding the blade to his throat. He wakes with a start and is about to call until he feels the cold steel against his exposed neck.

“Keep quiet!” I snap, he does as I say and goes silent

“Now Paedan I know you hang around with Corporal Gavin, so listen very carefully” I say knife pressed against his neck for emphasis

“A woman was murdered last night; an elven singer and I know your corporal was at least partially responsible” This is of course a lie, I suspect strongly but I need him to confirm my hunch

“So tell me everything and leave no detail out, ill know if you’re lying and trust me that wouldn’t be a wise choice” I say menacingly 

 “A-alright alright.....it was after work, corporal Gavin was celebrating his return to duty after his suspension was dropped and he was drinking heavily” Paedan says in a nervous voice

“When did the heckling start” I ask coldly

“It was when the elven lass started singing, Gavin was in a rowdy mood and the ale just made him and the others worse, they started calling out and making a scene” Paedan says probably trying not to soil his good sheets

“What about after the queens arms what happened then” I ask knowing this is the vital information I need

“After the queens arms closed Gavin insisted on waiting around, then we saw the elven girl she was walking home” Paedan says

“Then what” I reply impatiently

“Gavin started calling out to her trying to get her attention, she tried to ignore him and continue on her way but he and the lads cornered her and then he started getting....well aggressive”

“Aggressive?” I ask curious

“Well Gavin made advances and when she refused and tried to leave he....hit her....she fell to the ground and tried to get up”

“And none of the guards tried to stop him?” I ask angered

“The others started laughing and he kept kicking her, he was laughing as he did it like he was at a harvest dance or something” Paedan says in a disgusted tone

“And you just stood by and did nothing!” I yell outraged

“What was I supposed to do? Gavin would have killed me! And then he would still have done what he did to her”
Paedan replies having suddenly grown a spine

“What happened next?” I ask

“He dragged her into a nearby alley and....he raped her...and some of the others joined in...” he says in a disturbed voice

“Who!” I say demanding the names

“Harold and Merrick they joined in” he says

“And after he committed the rape what then?” I ask

“he makes a comment about how a human woman would have struggled more...he said.....elves were all ****s and crooks...that Arl Vaughan should have killed them all when he had the chance....then....he laughed and..... he stabbed her....he told us he was going to dump the body in the alienage and then he left” Paedan finishes saddened voice

“Listen to me Paedan, I don’t care much for cowards like you but if you want keep your miserable life then listen well” I say in an icy tone

“Tomorrow you will go to the alienage and meet an elf named castor at the old tree, you are going to testify against Gavin in the seneschal’s court” I say moving easing my hold on his neck slightly

“No....Gavin would kill me if I did that!” he protests terrified

“I wasn’t giving you a choice; if you don’t testify against Gavin then I will return here and kill you, make no mistake Paedan you are my means of destroying Gavin you can either do as I say and perhaps even redeem your dignity in the process or I can return one night soon for another nights visit” I say knowing Paedan will crack

“Alright, please just leave me be! I’ll meet this castor” he says capitulating

“Trust me Paedan this choice is far better than spending your nights sleepless and guilt ridden, you failed that woman, so now you will help catch her killer” I say in a calmer voice

“and Paedan” I say as I release him and walk towards to window “If you tell anyone about this I will know and you will suffer for it, I hope your clear on that point” I say calmly

I don’t wait for him to reply climbing from his window I am soon on the darkened streets again removing the mask from my face I smile, I have Paedan in my pocket and he knows it. Soon it will be time to move against Gavin, Nemera will have justice even if I have to  creep about in the dark like a wraith to obtain it.

Modifié par westiex9, 18 avril 2010 - 03:12 .