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[Texaboose]

So I started up a new game (renegade vanguard femShep) and even after 4 playthroughs, I’m still wow’ed by the introduction. I turn the volume up to full and sit back drooling happily at one of the most awe-inspiring intros in gaming history.
 


The first thing that hits your vision is fiery, swirling centre of a dark red sun. The way the nuclear core of the star swirls and dances is mesmerizing.  The flickering wavy glow illuminates Miranda, standing in the Illusive Man’s secretive office.  She turns, discussing with TIM how your Shepard did everything right,  how friggin symbolic your Shepard is. That’s right, Miranda, my Shepard IS a bloody hero.
 
We cut to the Normandy SR1, the strains for the Galaxy Map music plays while Pressley checks his navigation logs, letting us reminisce on the good ol’ days and how things were. A mystery ship appears, and follows the Normandy even though they’re running silent. Wait..that’s not the geth… Action stations!
Chaos breaks out, people panic as fires start as the Normandy comes under attack. There’s enough explosions and epic orchestral chords to make Michael Bay cream his pants. People are running around, some trying to figure out what’s going on, some fleeing for safety. Oh look! It’s Liara! Hai Liara! Of course you need to check on Shepard to see that she’s ok. Wait. What am I doing the cryo-pod area.? Shepard’s too cool for sleep. What? Will the Alliance get here in time? They bloody better. Now get your sweet butt to safety while I haul Joker’s crippled ass get out here.
 
The scene is now one from Dante’s hell. Everything is in flames, sprinklers are trying in vain to quench the inferno. Canister’s and ammunition crates explode from pressure and intense heat. A crew member’s blood splattered body goes flying, her face now a red mask of death. You fight through the flames, climbing the stairwell – oh ****, that way’s blocked – scrambling up the other way, the music urging you on. You reach the top, open the doors and… silence; the vacuum of space devours everything.
 
You wander through the remnants of the CIC, the gaping hull breach temporally sealed by the flicking blue of the ships shielding. Debris silently floats past as you slowly make your way through to the bright signs of life still remaining in the cockpit, mercifully sealed off from the tomb of the rest of the Normandy. You break through to Joker and the pandemonium resumes. “C’mon, Joker, lets go!” you urge as your cocky, but loyal pilot fights for control of the ship.
“No!” he cries back, refusing to leave his beloved Normandy, “we still make it!”
A beam of death shoots down behind you, vaporizing where you stood moments before and ending the Normandy’s life.
“Don’t be stupid!” you shoot back, and grab Joker, not bothering to watch ‘the arm’.
You fling the pilot into the last remaining lifepod, ready to get in yourself, but an explosion knocks you off your feet as the Normandy tears in half.
“Shepard!”
With the last of your strength you reach out – fighting, struggling – and slap the emergency Launch controls for Joker’s pod. You fulfilled your duty and seen your crew to safety. The silence of the void now claims you, as you float waiting for rescue or death.
The fearful hiss of escaping oxygen reaches your ears, and you flail vain to stop the life escaping from your suit. It’s futile. And as the dawn rises on the icy planet below, the mournful chords of the piano bid you farewell.
 


Then Miranda brings me back to life and I **** and moan for the next 15 minutes that there’s only ONE hairstyle for femShep that I like.

[Nu-Nu]

Lol at the last line. Half the hairstyles look like they need a good wash.