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[RigAudio]

In the same vein as the Haiku thread; let's make some limericks! A limerick is a five-line poem that's usually funny. Its structure is:

A
A
B
B
A

Alright. I'll start.

My Shepard's no stranger to pain
But he's a bit slow in the brain
  He is not very brave
  Doesn't know how to shave
And he blew himself up with the Cain

I hit the low wall with a bump
It's only has high as a stump
  But I cannot surpass
  This diminutive mass
Someday I'll learn how to jump

John Shepard's embarassed to ask
The best way to perform the task
  He wants to be cool
  But he acts like a fool
And attempts to drink beer through his mask

[Nightwriter]

So I was brought back by bio engineers
Who said I’d been dead for two years
Now Liara’s gone nuts
Ash has a stick up her butt
And the Council's gone deaf in both ears

[Reptilian Rob]

Usually I'm not someone who's evil
But after this startling upheaval
It could not be fathomed
But It did make me orgasm
When I saw that picture of Garrus spread eagle

Modifié par Reptilian Rob, 20 avril 2010 - 08:11 .

[Reptilian Rob]

Oops. Double post.

Modifié par Reptilian Rob, 20 avril 2010 - 08:21 .

[Alraiis]

There once was a sniper named Garrus
Who'd wanted to bone Shep since Feros
   But Shep said "It's best
   If I do not ingest
Without Mordin here to prepare us"

Shep had a thing for tattoos
And Zero had nothing to lose
   So she went to his quarters
   To work out her disorders
Therapy doesn't beat a good screw

Miranda's rich father spent billions
To create a successor with brilliance
   She's got looks and smarts
   But without all those parts
Who would she have been? Ashley Williams

[Alraiis]

Samara's an asari knight
Who spends all day making wrongs right
   Shepard just wants her boody
   But she's all about duty
(Just ignore that her outfit's skin-tight)

Tali's suit keeps bacteria blocked
She can't even remove it to talk
   But Shep pulls off her mask
   Doesn't bother to ask
Shouldn't something like that have a lock?

On Kaidan's grave I made an oath
From sacrifice, there would come growth
   I saw Ash on Horizon
   The results were surprisin'
Now I wish I had just killed them both

Modifié par Alraiis, 20 avril 2010 - 10:47 .

[Alraiis]

Support threads have cluttered this forum
And so, though it lacks in decorum,
   I'll post some new rhymes
   And maybe this time
The folks around here won't ignore 'em

The heretic geth had their fun
But their station has been overrun
   What had caused all this terror?
   Mathematical error
I guess they should have carried the one

There once was a human named Verner
For FemShep he was quite the yearner
   More and more he would beg
   Till Shep shot out his leg
It takes bullets to teach a slow learner

Mordin managed a brilliant think-tank
On his work, he's remarkably frank:
   "Some would say we played God
   But its vital each quad
Is kept firing nothing but blanks"

[Nightwriter]

Alraiis, that stuff is HILARIOUS.

[Alraiis]

Nightwriter wrote...

Alraiis, that stuff is HILARIOUS.

RigAudio deserves some credit
Few things have inspired as his thread did
   I await his replies
   But his absence implies
That he hasn't yet come back and read it

Modifié par Alraiis, 21 avril 2010 - 04:55 .

[Alraiis]

Some verses for the Jacob crowd:

Jacob T. runs the armory deck
And he once shot the head off a mech
   But I haven't as yet
   Learned why his silhouette
Shows his waist is as small as his neck

Jacob had one thing in his head:
To get his commander in bed
   He looked her in the eyes
   And he said "But the priiize..."
So she head-bumped a lizard instead.

FemShep turned Jacob down, so his pride
Prompted him to accept suicide
   Jacob: "I volunteer."
   Shepard: "Jacob, see here
There's no hole that I want you inside."

Modifié par Alraiis, 21 avril 2010 - 07:47 .

[Saberwolf116]

A man named Jacob met a girl;
His mutated lip made her hurl.
So he went to a doctor,
to get his lip fixed proper,
But he had to get the Priize from a squirrel.

There once was a girl named Liara,
whose shyness gave her a certain aura.
So she and Shep banged each other,
but when he saw her become her mother,
He found an assassin named Samara.

Modifié par Saberwolf116, 21 avril 2010 - 08:10 .

[HAGA NAGA]

Shepard had the hots for a girl named Tali
but in the end it was his folly
 she pooped in her suit
 so he gave her the boot
with facepalm and sigh he said golly

[kglaser]

Alraiis, you have a gift. Those are all fantastic!

[Lieutenant Flashlight]

Reptilian Rob wrote...

Usually I'm not someone who's evil
But after this startling upheaval
It could not be fathomed
But It did make me orgasm
When I saw that picture of Garrus spread eagle

....

[1jp2nv]

Alraiis wrote...

On Kaidan's grave I made an oath
From sacrifice, there would come growth
   I saw Ash on Horizon
   The results were surprisin'
Now I wish I had just killed them both

bwahahahaha..... tottally argee.......

[Peppard]

(Jack)



Shepard rescued a criminal named Jack

who wore barely any clothes on her back

But she was way beyond rude

with the worst attitude

and a kind of weak biotic attack



(Miranda)

A perfect member of the human race

she needs no mask upon her face

step into the void

she won't be destroyed

doesn't matter if she's out in space



(Thane)

Thane Krios is really good with a gun

not so much with the wife and son

though he left them behind

they live on in his mind

FemShep, doesn't he sound fun?



(Mordin)

For any problem, turn to Dr. Solus

He knows just how to console us

tho just how he knows

where Shep's love life goes

he must be more kinky than that volus



(that volus)

You overheard him at that Ilium shop

his requirements made your jaw drop

he needed more flash

but he was short cash

too bad that he had to stop



(Zaeed)

Zaeed and Vido played a dangerous game

and Zaeed was never quite the same

he took a bullet to the head

but didn't wind up dead

and poor Vido got cooked in a flame



Kasumi

Kasumi needed to steal from Donovan Hock

The evilest arms dealer on the block

"Hey Shep, don't stress"

"I bought you a dress"

"and you can hide a gun in your sock!"

[LoreWalker]

Aethyta was a matriarch with class,
Her sage wisdom was tempered with brass,
   She tried to spread common sense,
   But it seems her sisters are dense,
Cause they just laughed the blue off her ass.

Modifié par LoreWalker, 21 avril 2010 - 10:37 .

[Alraiis]

Zaeed's got some trophies to show
And his stories will make you say "Whoa!"
   But I do not mean say
   In the literal way
'Cause they couldn't afford the v/o

Raised in captivity like a panda,
Grunt heard only Okeer's propaganda
   Born from tubes and machines
   He's got all the best genes
Guess that makes him a krogan Miranda

They call him the Illusive Man
For humanity he has a plan:
   Step 1: Smoke and drink
   Step 2: Uh... let me think
Maybe Shepard should be in command

[Peppard]

 (Garrus)

Shepard tried to flirt with Garrus at his station
He sighed, and said "I owe you an explanation"
"I know you wanted to date
but our species can't mate
and really, I've fallen in love with calibration" 

[kglaser]

Peppard wrote...

 (Garrus)

Shepard tried to flirt with Garrus at his station
He sighed, and said "I owe you an explanation"
"I know you wanted to date
but our species can't mate
and really, I've fallen in love with calibration" 

Crossposted to Garrus thread

and Alraiis, after considerable study, I have come to the conclusion that you are completely awesome.

[javierabegazo]

Lol, wow, these are all great