383 réponses à ce sujet

[Thompson family]

Alraiis wrote...

On Kaidan's grave I made an oath
From sacrifice, there would come growth
   I saw Ash on Horizon
   The results were surprisin'
Now I wish I had just killed them both

Outstanding.

[Wentletrap]

Miranda… I could not resist her.
In the engine room, we would play Twister.
But she took a long fall
and got smushed by a wall –
so now I’ll look up her twin sister.
 
-----------------------------------------------------
 
Jane Shepard had gotten the chance
to get in her man Jacob’s pants.
She got to see way more
than just his fine Claymore
when she charted his Nubian Expanse.
 
-----------------------------------------------------
 
Ashley... she wanted me, utterly.
She longed to be chief of my gunnery.
So last night in my cabin,
– O Captain! My Captain! –
I gave her the chance to serve under me.

Modifié par Wentletrap, 02 octobre 2010 - 07:15 .

[ElectronicFerret]

A thresher maw placed on Akuze
turned my whole unit into ooze.
And Mass Effect 2
Has a Cerberus crew?
I'm gonna need way more booze.

[ElectronicFerret]

I love when he's scoping and strafing --

oh Garrus, my turian plaything!

But I skipped the advice.

Now I say, 'f*** my life',

Mordin, please -- analgesic for chafing.

[ElectronicFerret]

In Mass Effect, conflict grew
Between my man and my baby (blue).
We thought it'd be fun, but
he turned down a threesome --
Kaiden, what the hell's wrong with you?

Modifié par ElectronicFerret, 01 octobre 2010 - 06:29 .

[ElectronicFerret]

Hey! You remember those crates?

Thax found out, so give him a rebate!

No, I don't know how.

Who cares? Do it NOW!

And then get your *** someplace safe!!

[ElectronicFerret]

Maybe 'cause I'm just up from bed,
but these limericks have gone to my head.
They tickle me so.
Hey wait, what's th--GK--NOOOOO!!!--
ASSUMING CONTROL OF THIS THREAD

[Aggie Punbot]

My Shepard is not one for decorum,
and none of these posts here do bore him.
But he would be remiss
If he didn't declare: 'This
is my favorite thread on the whole forum.'

Modifié par TS2Aggie, 01 octobre 2010 - 08:47 .

[MaaZeus]

ElectronicFerret wrote...

A thresher maw placed on Akuze
turned my whole unit into ooze.
And Mass Effect 2
Has a Cerberus crew?
I'm gonna need way more booze.

Pretty much sums the thoughts of my "canon" Shep.

[GifMike]

There once was a man named Shepard

His prowess was a matter of record

Blue skin he desired

Asari he tired

If blue coocher were a sport he'd have lettered

[ElectronicFerret]

Wentletrap wrote...

You’ve made me so mad with your lie,
it’s time to see if you can fly.
Do you think that the sound
of you hitting the ground
will reach your ears, before you die?  
 

Now I get this nostalgic sensation
when I walk by windows in stations.
Devs, please let there be
in Mass Effect 3
an increase in defenestration.

[Wentletrap]

I seduce every girl that I meet,
whether yeoman, or soldier elite;
genetically flawless
or tattooed and lawless;
even one from the Quarian fleet.
 
-----------------------------------------------------
 
But to love, I was always immune,
‘til her freckled blue face made me swoon.
The thought of her places
my poor heart in Stasis –
Liara, come back again soon.
 

[ElectronicFerret]

Every time Shepard heads to the shore,
she seems to attract a new score.
Ex-alliance, drell, turian,
Biotic (before buryin'),
And that yeoman you mentioned before.

But with Wentletrap I must agree;
an asari's the lover for me.
Someday, when we've won,
we'll fly off towards the sun
and we'll crash that damn base in the sea.

Modifié par ElectronicFerret, 04 octobre 2010 - 10:56 .

[Wentletrap]

Dear Bio: I hate to nitpick,
but Kasumi’s dossier made me sick.
Are we to conclude
that your writers haiku’d,
but turned down the chance to limerick?
 

[DoomMech]

siltsonata wrote...


The Council talk went like this:
The "Reaper" claims were dismissed
Tried to make me feel small,
but it did not work at all,
In fact all that it made me was PISSED.

The Destiny Dreadnaught,
T'was a hard battle fought
  but the Council's pleas
  filled me with antipathy,
so look who the Reaper caught.

[DoomMech]

It seems the latest sensation
Is the mercenary occupation
  how else you explain
  the buttload of pain
you visit on the Eclipse population?

I'm not even kidding this time,
A few mercs is fine
  but when Shep lumbers
  through four digit numbers...
Well, "Tonight, In Hell We Dine"

Jack seemingly lacks tact,
and acts like a foul mouthed brat.
  She wears a nipple belt,
  Has a tatooed pelt
and Bioware seems proud of this fact.

[Wentletrap]

Using Mass Effect terms for hilarity,
I’ll describe my love life with sincerity:
Most girls, to maintain,
are an Energy Drain,
so I’ve come to prefer Singularity. 

[MrFob]

Alright guys, just read this thread and LOVE it! Great stuff in here!
So I have to apologize in advance for the rather lengthy contribution but I thought I’d start at the beginning. Hope more people pick up the limericks again and keep this thread alive. Looking forward to read stuff from the pros once more.
 
On the Normandy Shepard stood tall
Looking out a window in the ships hull
Was he the heroic protector
Of a galaxy? Could he be a spectre?
Well, Udina made the call
 
But let me start this rhyme
On the way to Eden Prime
As Shep walks along the deck
Joker spews out nonsense about tech
Co-pilot Kaiden buys it just fine
 
The drift after jumping the mass relay
Was just under 15 hundret k
Joker thinks he is an ace
For hitting a pinhead in the middle of space
But Nihlous just thinks it was ok
 
This whole thing has Pressly confused
He suspects it to be quite the ruse
‘cause he cannot figure out
why Anderson, heroic and proud
takes part in this pleasure cruise
 
Jenkins wanted to see some action
Chakwas advised caution, calm and reflection
But Shepard told him, he’d be fine
Which may have seemed so at the time
Turns out though this was a misperception
 
When they got the colony on the phone
They found out the whole place was blown
So Shep, Kaiden and Jenkins were deployed
To get a beacon before it was destroyed
Only Nihlous moved faster on his own
 
Next thing we know Jenkins got shot in the head
The whole episode was really quite sad
A simple geth drone got him good
So to brighten their gloomy mood
Kaiden and Shep shot a gas bag
 
Then they met a female marine
Who had a cool introduction scene
She had lost all her squad
And because Shep thought she was hot
He welcomed Ash to the team
 
Together they fought some “gethified” colonists
Until they came up on some scientists
Manuel had gotten quite mad
So Shep punched him right in the head
And left without any apologies
 
Meanwhile Nihlous was on a roll
Into a spaceport he strolled
The platform lay rather barren
But then he met his friend Saren
Who “had everything under control”
 
The gunshot, it was REALLY loud
Far away even Kaiden cried out:
“Awh with my constant migraine
This noise causes pain”
He fainted when the big shrimp ship moved up through the cloud
 
When they found him, Nihlous was dead
With a whole in the back of his head
Kaiden said “Well, you are a liar.”
And when Shepard inquired
He said “’cause you promised we’d have his back.”
 
A guy came out of the shades
Told them how to pick up Sarens trace
But Powell was lazy and sleazy
So Shepard didn’t go easy
And got a bunch of smuggled grenades
 
Saren wanted this place discarded
With bombs but the geth said “That is retarded”
When Saren asked why
The geth answered quite sly
“Well our ship already departed”
 
When Shep and his team arrived on the scene
They saw bombs and looked right threw the geth’s scheme
Those defended the ticking explosives
Suicide seemed to be one of their motives
Wait, isn’t that Ash’s and Kaiden’s theme?
 
When the bombs were disarmed and the beacon secure
Ash found it to be quite the lure
Shep had to whirl her out of there
But then he was sucked right into the air
And saw some weird orange aperture
 
Back on the Normandy Shepard awoke
With a headache like after a stroke
He told Anderson that they let Jenkins down
Fortunately he didn’t get more than a frown
Apparently Anderson never liked the bloke
 
But the name Saren rang a bell
And Sheps visions were enough to compel
The captain to order without delay
To head for the closest mass relay
And set a course for the Citadel

*End of chapter one *

Modifié par MrFob, 19 octobre 2010 - 06:25 .

[ElectronicFerret]

A perfect Paragon run

I accomplished in Mass Effect 1.

Straight by the law

except for one flaw --

Fist walked into Wrex's gun.

[lovgreno]

I bought a hamster named Boo.
And some dead fishes too.
But what my cabin realy needs.
Is a dog that on pyjak feeds.
Urz is what I want to pour money into!

Modifié par lovgreno, 19 octobre 2010 - 09:17 .

[lovgreno]

Mr Fob is welcome in the rhymers crew.
We always like rhymers new.
After the great start.
With rhymes smart.
We wish to more chapters from Fob see.

Modifié par lovgreno, 19 octobre 2010 - 09:21 .

[RazzlesAD]

lovgreno wrote...

Mr Fob is welcome in the rhymers crew.
We always like rhymers new.
After the great start.
With rhymes smart.
We wish to more chapters from Fob see.

Nihlus thought it was only "okay". (...but I disagree!)

[MrFob]

RazzlesAD wrote...

lovgreno wrote...

Mr Fob is welcome in the rhymers crew.
We always like rhymers new.
After the great start.
With rhymes smart.
We wish to more chapters from Fob see.

Nihlus thought it was only "okay". (...but I disagree!)

Thanks guys this welcome is inspiring
Well, I guess I will just keep firing
So without further ado
Let’s move on to chapter two
I hope it’s not too long and tiering



On the way in it caught their attention
A ship of enormous dimension
“Look there!” Ashley shouted
But Joker just pouted
Over the Destiny Ascension

The report of Shepard’s mission
Didn’t brighten Udina’s disposition
So he was not very suave
To Anderson’s entourage
And that’s why Ash hates politicians

On the way to the councils arena
They met a hologram called Avina
She offered advice
On the citadels sights
But Shep filed a complaint on her racist demeanour

So just 5 minutes later
After shortly disputing there fate here
They stood silent and sour
For about half an hour
Inside an elevator

Finally at the top
They found a turian cop
Who had no evidence
For Sarens malevolence
Now that was quite a shock

So the council would not even engage
In a dispute on how Saren behaved
They said “We need proof”
Udina went through the roof
And shouted “This is an outrage!”

Since Shep was quite in the dark
He went to Barla Von the old shark
Said “If you tell me the Krogans location
I can pay you with information
Did you know you work for a Yhag?”

Before them the wards did shimmer
In the nebulas bright pink glimmer
Kaiden’s impressed by this find
But all on Shepards mind
Is that Ash first wants dinner

So therefore he felt the urge
To visit the bar where all species merge
They found a corrupt cop called Harkin
He “faded” but first he was barkin’
“Stop preaching ‘cause this ain’t no church!”

At C-Sec Wrex was in dismay
The officer said to him “Hey,
Would you please be chillin’?”
Wrex said ”No I will kill him”
So the cops send him merrily on his way

A rather unfriendly lot
A doctor for hostage had got
But Garrus rolled in
Precision shot them
And exclaimed boldly “BOOM, headshot!”

Shepard got them both for his bunch
‘Cause they told him whom next to scrunch
But they were stopped by Emily Wong
Shepard found that was all wrong
And decided the next reporter he’d punch

On the stairs Conrad screamed “HI!”
But Shepard simply walked by
No Autographs for you
I’ve got work to do
But he stopped for the refund guy

The team fought through fists wretched hive
And got his confession at the tip of a knife
Wrex’ shotgun shot really loud
Now we know what earlier he was talking about
Guess Fist got a bit early to “afterlife”

To a dark ally Tali was called
But her contact acted quite droll
So together we fought
But back then I’d never have thought
That some fan later would build a doll

Now it is quite the unique tale
How Tali made Sarens intrigue fail
Therefore it is a sad fact
That for her next meaningful act
We had to wait for the sequel

So at the end of this chapter
Saren was named a geth defector
Everyone was really glad
(Though Udina was still full of rap)
And they made Shepard a spectre

Spectres are uniquely drilled
Instruments of the councils will
They’re above rank and file
They fight bad guys with style
And they have a license to kill

*end of chapter 2*



Footnote:

For information Shep went fishin’
About Andersons past secret mission:
“There’s no great Revelation, just let it be
Or just read my biography
Which was written by Drew Karpyshyn.”

(yeah, sorry, got a bit out of hand there in terms of volume)

[btthegeek]

Thanix Canons are cool,
so is saving the crew,
but the one thing that made
Mass Effect 2 worth the praise
was how Shepard really was you.

[btthegeek]

What is the fascination
with the blue-skinned Asari alien?
She's ruthless until her friend
is rescued and on the mend,
but in her new job, without Shep, she's staying.