Collector
base. One week since Tali revealed her face to Shepard. One
week
since she had her first kiss, her first intimate experience. One
week
since she had felt Shepard's skin on hers.Tali and Shepard
had made
love again this night, it was their second time. Tali's illness
from their first time together was mostly gone; she had been feeling
much
better. This time they were able to take some extra precautions as
well.
In addition to Tali's antibiotics and herbal supplements, Shepard
had
taken a portable decontamination unit from the medical bay, and used
it to sterilize his room. He had also showered and washed himself with
antibacterial
soap. While not quite as sterile and safe as her suit, the
captain's cabin was turned into a relatively safe environment for a
Quarian
to be out of her suit in. It had an airtight door, meant to keep
out the vacuum of space if the ship's hull got breached, after all.As
incredible as her first intimate experience one week ago had been, in
many
ways she had enjoyed this time more. There was no looming threat of
a suicidal mission in a couple hours, and she knew for certain that the
experience would not be lethal, or even cause a very serious reaction.
There
was no rush or worry or fear when she made love to Shepard this
night,
only peace and joy and pleasure.Tali lay in bed with
Shepard. Him
flatly on his back, his head turned in Tali's direction.
The bed
sheets covered both their bodies, and she was cuddled up against
him, arms wrapped tightly around his chest, and her head nestled under
his
chin. Shepard was sound asleep, and had been for a while now. Tali,
however,
was very much awake.It's a rare privilege for Tali to be
out of her
suit. And to be in bed, cuddled with someone she loved so
deeply?
No, she could not possibly go to sleep. She needed to stay awake
and
savor every second that passed. Her mind needed to process the
blissful
moment. For so many years, her skin had felt almost nothing but
the
material of her suit. Her skin was incredibly sensitive and soft; a
result of being wrapped up in a sterile suit for so long. Feeling the
warmth
and softness of Shepard's skin was pure ecstasy. The high
thread-count
sheets that had been provided for the captain's bed by
Cerberus
felt pretty nice against her skin, too.She could hear
Shepard's
heart beating. Being able to hear, and feel, the heart of
another
person was also something new and alien to her. Though she
recalled
embracing her parents multiple times as a child, she had never
heard
their hearts beating; their environmental suits never allowed the
subtle
sound of a beating heart to get through. But Shepard's was loud
and
clear; he had a big heart, and not just in a metaphorical sense. She
felt her own heart beating, synced up with his. Shepard and Tali were
truly
one, in this place and time.Tali realized she was
experiencing joy
and happiness at a level she never felt before. And she
also
realized, that it was wrong. She shouldn't get to feel so happy.
Back
on the Flotilla where she lived her whole life, one Quarian's
happiness
always came at the cost of another's. If someone received
extra
rations or supplies, it was because someone else had received
fewer.
If a family enjoyed a spacious room, it was because another
family
had a small one. Tali's entire upbringing told her that if she
felt
so much joy, it was because someone else was being deprived of it.
She
couldn't help but feel guilt.She looked up at Shepard. His
face was
barely visible in the dark. She considered what an amazing
person
he was. He was handsome and famous; a commander in the Alliance
Navy
and a war hero. The First Human Spectre. Hero of the Battle of the
Citadel.
Bane of the Reapers. So many titles were applicable to him; he
had
accomplished so much, there was no one else like him in the entire
galaxy.
Billions of women of all races throughout the galaxy would throw
themselves at Shepard if given the chance.Images of Shepard
using
the decontamination unit to sterilize the room before they had
made
love, entered Tali's mind. She thought to herself, why should he
have
to put up with that hassle? There are millions of beautiful women
out
there Shepard could choose from. Women that Shepard could kiss
whenever
he wanted, look at their face whenever he wanted, and make love
to
them whenever he wanted, without the hassle and precautions that
Tali
requires due to her weak immune system. She realized who her
current
happiness was at the expense of. It was Shepard's.Her
eyes watered
up from this realization; from these thoughts of guilt.
After a few
seconds, tears formed, and slowly slid down her face before
falling
unto Shepard's shoulder. She tried to hold her tears back, but
it
was too much. Feeling so selfish, and knowing the best thing would be
to let Shepard go, was simply too much. Tali began to weep. Her crying
immediately
woke Shepard up."Tali? Tali what's wrong? Are you
sick? Do you feel
alright?" Shepard asked, alarmed, as he sat up on the
bed, and
reached over and hit the lights button. The lights came on, and
Shepard looked at Tali. Her hands covered her face as she wept."N-no.
I'm okay… It's just, I… I just—" Tali's own crying interrupted her
sentence,
and she couldn't finish her words. Shepard observed, and he
realized
that she was physically alright. She just needed to cry, to let
it
all out. He didn't know why, but he knew that the best thing would
be
to just comfort her, and wait until she finished."It's okay,
Tali.
It's okay." He said softly, and kissed her forehead, wrapping his
arms
around her shoulders and just holding her tightly. She buried her
face
into his neck, and continued her weeping. She needed a good cry.
Many
of her feelings and emotions were as trapped in her mind, as her
body
had been trapped in her suit.Over the next few minutes her
weeping
slowed down. It eventually ended. There was just silence, as
Tali
lay against Shepard, her head on his shoulder and his arms wrapped
around
her. Shepard inhaled, sighed, and broke the silence."Do
you want to
talk, Tali?" he asked, ending the question with a gentle
squeeze
with his arms, being as comforting as possible to her."Shepard,
I'm…
being selfish… with you. I shouldn't be with you. You deserve
someone
that—there are so many women out there… that can make you
happier
than me…" Tali said quietly, somewhat nervously. Shepard was
about
to interrupt her, but she continued speaking, with more momentum
and
focus. "All the things you had to do tonight so that we could be
together.
Using the decontamination unit to sterilize this room--with
any
other woman you wouldn't have to do that! With any other woman you
could
look at her face whenever you felt like it. Feel her skin whenever
you wanted to. Kiss her, and make love to her with no concern. Any
other
woman isn't trapped in some damned suit, with a damned helmet on
her
head. You just… deserve all that, Shepard. That's why I'm… being
selfish
by being with you."Tali's eyes began to water, but she
continued
speaking, her voice wavering "What if you wanted children one
day? I
can't even do that! Millions of human women can, millions of
Asari
can! It's just not—it isn't fair! You…deserve better." She could
no
longer hold her tears back, and began crying again, into Shepard's
neck.
A gentle whimper was heard, as she cried: "I… just want you to be
happy…"Shepard
took in a deep breath and sighed. With just words
he had resolved
so many issues, solved so many problems, and even saved
several
lives. The right words always just flowed out of him, he never
even
had to really think about what to say, the right words were always
there.
But this moment gave him pause. He had to think, his words needed
to be perfect, for Tali's sake. Countless ideas raced through his head
on
how to approach this, on what to say. None of them felt right.
Finally,
he decided to just let his mind go blank, and have faith that
the
right words would just come out, as they had so many times before.There
was silence. Tali's crying had stopped, though she remained embraced
with
Shepard, her face buried into his neck. After a short while, the
silence
was broken in a most unexpected way. Shepard began to chuckle
very
lightly, which then grew into a quiet laugh. Tali didn't ask what
he
found humorous, though she was curious. Shepard began to speak,
amidst
his laughter."Do you remember when we were helping Mordin
find his
assistant, and we ran into that depressed Krogan scout?" He
asked,
with amusement in his voice "And I yelled at him that he was
acting
like a Quarian with a tummy ache?" Shepard laughed.Despite
Tali's
recent sadness, she couldn't help the slight, sudden chuckle
that
escaped her mouth at hearing Shepard's recollection. "Yes, I
remember
that. And it was not funny, Shepard" She said, lying, as she
herself
couldn't help but laugh a little.Shepard turned to his
side, so
that he could look at Tali's face. He looked into her eyes,
smiled,
and spoke. "You know, it's pretty common among humans, for males
to
tease females that they like." Tali just smiled. "And it's also
fairly
common among human males, for us to kiss females we're in love
with…"
Shepard added.Tali's smile widened, and she responded.
"Doesn't
sound so different from Quarians…" Shepard placed his hand on
her
cheek, and gently held her head as he came in and pressed his lips
with
hers, giving her a long, slow, gentle kiss while his hand gently
caressed
her face.As their lips slowly parted and their kiss
ended, Shepard
knew that he still had to address Tali's concern. She
seemed at
peace and calm right now, but her concerns were still buried
in her
mind. They needed to be dealt with. She needed to understand why
she
was so important to Shepard. "Tali, about all the things you said. I
understand why you think those things; you're a very selfless and
caring
person. You're genuinely the most unselfish person I've ever
known.
And you know what? It's one of the reasons you're so important to
me, and why I don't want anyone else besides you; why you're worth
every
precaution we have to take to be together.""You probably
know that I
grew up on Earth, and Now this is the story all about how my life got
flipped, turned upside down. And Id like to take a minute just sit right
there. Ill tell you how I became the prince of a town called bel-air.
In
west philadelfia born and raised on the playground where I spent most
of my days.
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool ,and all shooting
some b-ball outside of the school.
When a couple of guys said were
up in no good .Started making trouble in my neighborhood.
I got in
one little fight and my mom got scared and said "you're moving with your
aunte and uncle in bel-air"
I whistled for a cab and when it
came near the licensplate said fresh and had a dice in the mirror. If
anything I could say that this cab was rare ,But I thought now forget
it, yo home to bel-air. I pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and
I yelled to the cabby yo, home smell you later. Looked at my kingdom I
was finally there to settle my throne as the prince of bel-air."
Shepard
sighed,
paused for a few seconds, and kept talking. "It never
appealed to me. It
was just ugly. There had to be something better,
and I wanted it. So I
joined the Alliance as soon as I was old
enough. It was a far better
life, and for the first time in my life,
I felt pride. However, fighting
for the Alliance exposed me to
other, even uglier things. I was exposed
to much violence and death.
My conscience is clear, but the many things
I've seen and done in
my military life, they've taken their toll on me.
That's not even
counting all this mess with the Reapers. Sometimes…I
just…I really
long for peace."Shepard took Tali's hand, and
squeezed it gently. He
looked right into her eyes. His face, which had
been stoic and
serious as he talked about his life, relaxed and he
smiled lovingly
at Tali. "When I look at you, and I hear your voice, and
am simply
in your presence, I feel a peace I can't even describe.
You're such a
selfless, kind, beautiful person…you are the opposite of
all the
negativity I have been exposed to in my life. You
counter-balance
all the selfishness and death and violence I have seen.
Tali, you
make all the negative things I have experienced worth it. No
one
else in the galaxy brings me peace and joy like you do. No one else
can.
Without you…my mind would just collapse. Without you, I would not
even
know what I'm fighting for."Tali's eyes once again began to
glisten
from the moisture of tears, but these tears were very different.
It
had never occurred to her that Shepard carried so much anguish in
him.
He made all battles and conflicts seem so easy. He always just
seemed
so indomitable and invincible. But deep down, he was troubled and
tired, he just longed for peace. This was the first time she had seen
Shepard
open up to anyone, the first time he showed anything but pure
strength.
She understood why Shepard needed her. She smiled, and hugged
him
tightly. Shepard smiled back, knowing Tali understood how important
she
was to him, how much she meant to him. They held each other for a
while,
until Shepard once again broke the silence."Besides, Tali…
you have
a really nice body." Shepard
said, grinning; attempting
to lighten the mood with some humor."You
little bosh'tet…" she
giggled, and eagerly crawled on top of him,
kissing him passionately.
She decided it was time for her third
intimate experience. After all,
they were both wide awake now, and
Tali wanted to make the most out of
her time out of her suit.
Modifié par sound wave88, 22 avril 2010 - 07:02 .
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