Chapter 5- Ruthi's Little Messenger
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A warm evening air blew as Zevran sat amongst the flowers in Leiliana's garden. The scent of Andraste's Grace rose from the darkness and filled his senses. He had been sitting there for what seemed like hours, listening to the children as they played. He hadn't planned on staying for more than a moment but he could not bring himself to face the crowd of people waiting inside. He slipped into the garden in an attempt to avoid the barrage of questions that he had no interest in answering. But instead of diminishing, Zevran's desire for solitude only increased.
Zev sat down upon a small stone bench in the back of the garden and pulled from his shirt an old pair of gloves. With tears in his eyes he ran his fingers across the worn leather. For the first time in his life, Zevran did not feel as though he was in complete control of his emotions. This was disquieting for the former assassin. In his training with the Crows he was taught that emotions only served to get in between the assassin and the task at hand. So over the years Zevran developed his emotional mask. Anger was masked with apathy, Sadness was masked with vicious depravity, and love was replaced with unabashed and shameless debauchery. Once this mask was in place, Zevran believed it would remain there for the rest of his life. Eruthiawen however, began to break down this façade and all of these troublesome emotions started to seep to the surface. Normally Zev was still able to keep his cool outwardly while waging an emotional war within his own mind. But this time, try as he might Zevran could not slake the tempest of anger and grief that was swirling around inside of him.
Tears overwhelmed his eyes as he held the gloves against his cheek. It was then that Zev finally gave in and let the tears flow. All at once the mountain of grief that had been bottled up inside of him for the better part of 30 years came cascading forth. His mask finally shattered and the once stagnant emotions made their presence known. In an instant Zevran longed for the mother he never knew and grieved for the childhood that he was never allowed to have. He felt guilt for every life that he ended with his own hands and love for the woman who rescued him, not only from the crows but also from himself. Thinking about the mercy that Eruthiawen bestowed upon her would be killer made Zev think about the reason he accepted the contract on her life in the first place. He thought of his beloved Rinna, remembering the way he took delight in watching the life drain from her pretty face as Taliesen slit her throat.
Zevran's stomach churned at the memory of Rinna's unseeing eyes staring up at him, and just as he felt he could no longer hold back the sickness churning inside of him he felt a small hand upon his shoulder. Startled, Zevran turned to see a familiar pair of emerald eyes staring back at him with concern.
"Uncle Zev?" Rose whispered "What's wrong? Why are you sad?"
He wanted to talk, wanted to assure her that everything was fine but all that Zevran could do was cry. He quickly turned his face in an attempt to hide his anguish.
"Snap out of it Arainai." He thought to himself "Be a man, no more tears, you are above tears!"
Rose sat down beside her beloved Uncle, wrapped her small arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Zevran could feel his heart melting as he put his arms around the girl and rested his cheek on her head. Neither of them said a word, but in the silence Zevran felt comfort.
"I can't give in." he said to himself. "I have to be there for Rose and Nelaros. Ruthi entrusted me with their care and I will not forsake her now."
"Do you miss Mamae?" Rose whispered into his chest.
"Si, mi bendición, I miss her very much." Zev replied in a whisper. "More than words can say."
Rose sat up and looked into Zevran's tear stained eyes. "She misses you too you know." She stated with confidence. "Sometimes when I sleep I visit her in The Fade. She talks about you a lot."
A hint of a smile made its way across his face. "Does she?" Zevran asked as he turned to look at Rose.
"Oh yes, she speaks of you every time I see her." Rose replied
"And my dear just what does your beautiful mother have to say about your old Uncle Zev, hmm?" He asked as his curiosity was piqued.
"Oh, mostly about how you were her very best friend in the world and how much she misses you; sometimes she even tells stories about your travels and the Blight." Rose tenderly held Zevran's hand in hers. "She wishes that YOU would come visit her in The Fade sometimes because she misses the way you could always make her laugh."
Zevran shook his head as he peered at the ground. "Oh my dear sweet Rose, how I wish I could visit your Mother, but alas I don't know how. I dream nearly every night, but your Mother has never come to visit me."
"I asked her one night why there are some nights that she comes and other nights she is gone, she said that those are the nights when the clouds are too thick and she can't find me." Rose stated thoughtfully. "She told me before we go to sleep at night we need to think of the happiest memory we have of her, concentrate on that memory extra hard, and push any sad or unhappy thoughts out of our mind."
"What happens when our thoughts are not happy?" Zevran asked with a curious smile
"Mamae said that angry and sad thoughts create dark clouds that surround us, but when we have only good thoughts, especially thoughts of her, it creates a bright white light all around us." Rose explained. "The bright light leads her right to us."
Zevran kissed Rose upon her forehead and hugged her tight. "Te amo mi bendición"
Rose returned Zev's hug. "Mamae also wanted me to give you a message, one that she said is very important." Rose bowed her head as if she were ashamed of something, kicking the dirt beneath her feet. "But….."
Zev put two fingers under the child's chin, tilting her head up so he could look at her face. "Oh my dear child, what is the matter? Surely it can't be all that bad." Zev gave her a reassuring smile.
Rose shook her head. "No, I don't think it is bad, though I'm not really sure what everything means. I'm just ashamed because Mamae told me what to tell you weeks ago but I never did because I was having trouble remembering everything and I didn't want to mess it up."
"We need not worry about that my sweet one." He patted her strawberry hair. "I have an idea. You could tell me what you remember and when I find your Mamae in the fade she can fill in what you couldn't remember. That would work. No?"
Rose paused for a moment, trying to remember as much as she could of what her mother had said; she took in a deep breath and began. "She said to tell you that she spoke to Rinna."
Zev felt his heart leap into his throat as the sensation of ice cold needles fell upon his back.
"Rinna wanted you to know that she still loves you with all of her heart and that she always would." Rose paused for a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. "Hmmm…..there was something else…."
Zev gave her a reassuring pat on the back as a million thoughts raced through his head.
"Oh yes, I remember!" Rose rejoiced. "She said that she understands why you did what you did, she said she forgives you and that it is time for you to forgive yourself." With that Rose grinned with pride at the fact that she remembered the whole message as she looked up at Zev.
"Did I do a good job Uncle Zev, did the message make sense?" Rose asked with excitement.
Zevran stared at Rose nodding in silence. He wanted to praise her and thank her but no words would come.
"Could it be true?" he questioned to himself "It has to be, there is no way she could have known to say these things otherwise."
The sound of Soris calling Rose to dinner echoed across the yard.
"I'm coming!" Rose shouted in reply. She hugged Zev tight and gave him a kiss on the cheek before running off toward the house.
Zevran stared off into the distance, lost in thought but was quickly snapped out of it as he was struck in the back of the head by a weakened (Thank The Maker) arcane bolt. Zev quickly turned to see Anders standing a few yards behind him.
Anders noticed Zev looking at him from the distance. He looked to his left and right only to notice that he was left standing alone. Suddenly in fear of his life the baffled mage quickly shook his head and shrugged as he declared "I didn't do it!"
It was then that Leiliana and Morrigan crept out from behind a shrub a short distance behind Anders.
"Way to take one for the team my darling" Morrigan patted her still confused husband on the back as she walked past. " 'tis so hard to find a reliable scapegoat these days."
Leiliana stormed past Anders who was frozen in place, still not sure what to make of what just happened. Leili had her sights set on the blonde elf and could see nothing else.
"Zevran!" she shouted, her voice tinged with a mixture of anger, disgust, worry and complete exhaustion.
"Leiliana!" he answered back in a mocking tone
Leiliana pulled back and slapped the bewildered Antivan across the face. "Where in Thedas have you been? We just spent our entire evening walking the streets of Denerim trying to find you, worried out of our minds, probing every person that we came across for answers in an attempt to find you!"
Zev smirked "My dear Leiliana, you mean to tell me that you had a night filled with the wanton probing of random bystanders, and you did not even think to include me in the debauchery?" he chided "And here I thought we were friends."
Once again, Zev was knocked back as his manhood was greeted by one of Leiliana's brand new Orlesian Boots. He fell to the ground only able to moan in response.
"As you can see Zevran, I am in no mood for your tomfoolery. I have spent my night searching for you, leaving my dear sweet husband to attend to a house full of people!" Leiliana crouched to look Zevran directly in his pain stricken eyes. "I swear to The Maker, Andraste, and by every fiber of my being, if you worry me like that again I will do what The Crows could not."
With that Leiliana stomped across the yard toward the house. Morrigan followed closely behind, and as she walked past Zevran she shook her head, obviously amused. "I'm sure one day you will see there was something to be learned in all of this…."
Anders knelt down beside Zevran who was still lying in the fetal position on the ground and called after his wife as she walked away. "Yes my darling, a very valuable lesson that I'm sure Zevran will never forget." Morrigan turned her head and grinned at Anders over her shoulder and as she entered the house. "And the lesson of the day is…be wary of the tiny Orlesian with the big shoe fetish." Anders jokingly whispered as he produced a blue light from his fingertips and expertly aimed it between the legs of the pain addled elf.
In mere moments a feeling of warm numbness spread across Zevran's groin as Anders helped him off of the ground.
"Make sure you put some ice on that or you will be right back to where you were once the magic wears off." Anders said as he turned to leave, and looking over his shoulder added "Or might I suggest some quality time with your stash of Antivan Brandy as an equally effective if not more enjoyable solution."
Zevran remained in the garden for a short while longer as he allowed for Anders spell to take full effect. He then slowly made his way to the house, not enjoying the thought of having to face anyone, least of all Leiliana. So it was much to his chagrin that the redheaded bard was the first person he saw as the door swung open.
"I have only come to gather my children and then I shall go home." Zev shot a glance at Leiliana as he made a b-line for Rose and Nelaros who were sleeping peacefully in an oversized chair in the corner of the room.
"Oh don't be silly Zevran, stay and have some dinner!" giggled Leiliana who had apparently calmed down since their earlier confrontation. "You look like you have had a ton of bricks fall upon you!"
"Four pounds of expertly wielded shoe leather would be a much more accurate representation, would it not?" Zevran growled as he shot an angry glare in the direction of the irritatingly bubbly Orlesian. "No my friend, I think I will be heading home. It is a long walk just to the outskirts of the Alienage and even further to get to our apartment on the other side. I would rather not have 'Little Zev' wake from his magic induced slumber halfway there."
Guilt swept through Leiliana's conscience as she watched her friend struggle to lift his small son from the chair. She wanted so badly to intervene and help him out but knew it was best for her to keep her distance, at least for tonight. She turned and whispered into Soris' ear and with an understanding nod he walked over to the chair and gingerly swept Rose into his arms. Zevran gave Soris an appreciative smile and walked out the front door without saying a word.
Relief swept through Zev's body as they finally rounded the corner and his apartment came in to view. His injured appendage had begun to regain feeling before they had even reached the entrance to the Alienage, and by the time they got to the other side Zevran felt as though he had been walking for hours though in reality it had only been about ten minutes.
Zevran thanked Soris for his help and promised that he would talk to Leiliana once they had both had some time to think. After Soris had left and Zevran closed and locked the door, he tiptoed into the bedroom that his children shared. He watched in silence for a moment as they slept peacefully and then kissed each of them softly on their forehead. "Te amo mis ángeles." He whispered as he left the small bedroom.
As he reached his own bed Zev began to think about his earlier conversation with Rose and what she had told him about the Fade. He wanted so desperately to be able to visit Ruthi tonight, to look into her deep green eyes and hold her in his arms, but he resigned himself to the fact that his Fade clouds would be too much for him to lift after all that had happened today. The confrontation with Alistair was bad enough, but Leiliana's flying feet were the icing on the cake.
Zevran took a long drink from a bottle of Antivan Brandy that he pulled from a chest at the foot of the bed and made a silent promise to himself. No matter what tomorrow brings to his door, he will not allow it to bring him down, he will not let the clouds form, for when evening falls he will visit The Fade and he will see his warden again.
Modifié par VioletTheirin, 03 mai 2010 - 08:59 .