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Dragon age: A wired wired comedy -Read at your own risk!

Débuté par Guest_Dalira Montanti_* , mai 26 2010 11:15

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#1
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 26 mai 2010 - 11:15

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Start Duncan dose that narration thingy....

Long long long long time ago can't remeber when..there were bad bad mages, these mages did bad bad things, so bad they got fired from burger King....(yes they under cooked the markers chicken burgers..) The maker then waved his magical spatular, and turned them into finger pupettes called Darkswapn...forever traped flipping burgers....and killing people....(always with the killing) they  were a deadly plague across the lands...until the Grey wardens came...

We Thaught for tuth and Justice and the american way...we killed every Darkswapn burger flipping manic, and kicked there pickled arse's back into the deep roads....where they would once again plot to make even more deadly burgers..


My name is Duncan leader of the Grey Wardens......


Director: CUT CUT CUT!!!!

Duncan: What now?


Director: You sounded to Sirious Remeber, we are reinventing dragon age in MY own image....

Duncan: I am pretty sure burgers were not invtned in this time piri....

Director: people don't want facts they wan't drama, comedy, maybe romance lots and lots of violence and BURGERS!..

Duncan: This never happend when I worked for bioware....
Director: yeah well vacation is over kiddies back to work now lets go to the scene where Ducan meets the new warden k....lights camera action!


Father: I'll send my eldest off with my men. You and I will ride tomorrow, just like the old days!
Howe: Back then we were fighting pizza's not chicken burgers....
Father: At least we can eat our way to victory!!!

Warden walks into the room

Father: Ah Pup I see you still here.....
Warden: Yeah pitty that...
Father: We have a guest and it is up to you to kiss his arse while Im gone!
Warden: sure thing, after should I wash his feet too?
Father: lets not get ahead of our selfs now pup...Im not asking you to sleep with the fellow now
Warden: Shame...

Father: This is Duncan a Grey Warden, they stoped the Darkspwan from killing us with under cooked burgers!!!!
Duncan: *sighs* It is an Honnor to be a guest in your cheese factory
Father: well I wanted a chocolate factory but Willy wonka stole my idea!
Duncan: The horror!
Howe: Indeed

Father: pup go and find your brother.
Warden: why?
Father: Dunno says so in the script
Warden: K

warden walks away leaving the men to talk about the good old days

Warden manages to take 4 steps when suddenlly a Dashing Younge Knight with shining teeth and beautiful hair enters the scene.

Gilmore: My lady
Warden: hey your that guy I am suposed to know but only just met.
Gilmore: sup!
Warden: Ah ya know same old so what cha doing
Gilmore: well I was supposed to be following you and telling you stuff....
Warden: Awsome
Gilmore: I know rite!
Gilmore: ok so your mother, says you have to pick your dog up
Warden: why?
Gilmore: I forgot
Warden: Brainy aren't we?
Gilmore: we can always run around the castle
Warden: yeah lets go and run around the castle like idiots until you remeber stuff

Sevral minutes later

Warden: Gilmore how did you get your hair so shiney, we been running for 3 minutes now and your hair never moves..
Gilmore: It's the new sampoo
Warden: what's it called?

Ser Gilmore takes out a bottel from his bag and poses like a girl and flicks his hair in slow motion
Gilmore: Loriel because Im worth it!
Warden: forget I asked!

to be continued!

Modifié par Dalira Montanti, 26 mai 2010 - 11:18 .

#2
VampireCommando
Posté 26 mai 2010 - 11:23

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LMAO, WIN!!

#3
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 26 mai 2010 - 11:26

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Glad you liked it I will contune a bit later

#4
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 27 mai 2010 - 03:15

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Picking up where we left off.....



Gilmore and the Warden hear screams coming from the larder....



Gilmore: oh that's right your dog was going to eat the kitchen staff..

Warden: again?....geez that's the 5th time this month...better go and get him!



They make there way to the larder...



Nan: Makers frying pans!

Nan: Get that dog out of the Larder the raidoactive turkey needs to be cooked for tonight!

Elf: but he will try to eat us if we go near

Nan:give me more time to find better help then



Gilmore: sup!

Nan: you and you, that dog keeps going into MY larder, hes doing the Macarena as we speak!

Warden: oh maker!



The warden opens the door

Warden: hey that looks liek fun can we join in?

Gilmore: I think we should kill the gaint rats...dunno just a guess?

Warden: *sigh* fine



Gilmore: Gilmore powers activate!

Warden and Dog glance at eachother, and soon after they joined the battle for middle earth...I mean fighting gaint rats!



They win the fight, but the battle is far from over.....



Gilmore: my hair my beautiful hair!!!!

Warden: we have another problem?

Gilmore: Oh?

Warden: what is Jackie chan doing in Nan's Larder?

Gilmore: Dude are you in the right place?

Chan: I was suposed to be waiting for my role in to fast to furious!

Gilmore: yeah your in the wrong stuido..you take a right turn from Orlais

Chan: thanks



Warden: we saved the day and helped Jackie chan find his way all is right with the world!

Gilmore: you forgot to name your dog

Warden: Fine I call you Truffles

Truffles: *Barks*



Gilmore bids farewell to our hero



warden and truffles



warden and truffles aplogize to nan for ruining the larder and then she makes her way to find her brother.



Mother: you found your dog brilliant

Warden: yeah

Mother: people this is my daughter, Daughter this is people

Warden: sup people!



Mother: you better say your farewells, your brother will go off to war and you wont see him again until the end of the movie !!!



Warden: K



Brother: Im to sexy for my sword so sexy it hurts

Boy: father will you bring me back some hot dogs

Brother: I will find you the worlds Largest hot dogs

Boy: yay?

Mother: hes on a diet!

Brother: Here is my little brat of a sister to see me off

Warden: get killed so I can rule over everything!

Brother: I do my best

Brother: well I should go those under cooked chicken burgers wont eat them selfs



Brother walks off into the sunset

Wife: There goes the bravest man alive!

Boy: my pa is going to fight evil burgers

Warden: yeah who are you again?



Wardens mother and father walk in...

Father: Did your brother ride off into the sunlight again?

Mother: he forgot is sunblock

Warden: He be fine!



Father: pup get to bed so we can get taken over by Howes men already

Warden: sure thing



Director: and cut!



Director: brilliant now all we need is the gaint Donuts!!!

Warden: beg your pardon?

Director: you no Howes men attack your castle with big jelly Donuts

Warden: that never happend!

Director: again my image not yours!



Duncan: I never look at a chicken burger the same way after this!

Warden: me three



Director: ok now lets fast forward we can do the castle scene later much later I am thinkinghollywood flash backs!!!



Warden: I miss bioware

Duncan: I miss it too!

Warden: why are we even here anyway?

Duncan: I came for free cupons

Warden: shameful just shameful!



Director: ok now take your places this is where we meet the king!!!

Direcor: Lights camera action!



Duncan: Your royal peekyness May I introduce you

King: no need

King: you are that old guys kid from highever, you live in that cheese factory!

Warden: best cheese in thedas

King: right, I can't eat dairy

Warden: why?

King: my wifes a cow!

Warden: oh right..

King: anyway Im off to do what kings do best

Warden: which is?

King: prance around naked and hope no one will notice bub bye!



Duncan: If what the king said is true his wife is the bigest cow in thedas

Warden: I hear ya

Duncan: ok so you have to find a grey warden called bob Marly

Warden: who?

Duncan: oh wait hes in awakenings!

Duncan: you just have to find a blonde hair'd guy I don't know his name

Warden: not much to go on

Duncan: here some cheese I stole from the cheese factory, if u wave this about he come a running

Warden: k



update later



#5
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 30 mai 2010 - 08:54

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The Warden walks around with the cheese in her hand, and pride in her heart, as she stumbles into a conversation....She notices a warden with blonde hair, and hes talking to a mage...how wonderful it must be....



Alistair: The grand mushroom is asking for your presance ser mage...

Mage: Tell the Mushroom I am busy...I was summoned by the King

Alistair: well since I will be the future king at the end of this movie, you do as I say

Mage: Blah blah blah blah grunt

Alistair: yeah what did I tell ya

Mage: If your lucky enough to get a human noble to put you on the throne...then you be king...

Mage: I don't see a human noble anywhere do you?...answer is no!

Mage: Thus you will not be king!!!!!



Warden: umm hi?

Mages eyes glear at the warden and he throws a tempear tantrum

Alistair: hey you female...are you a human noble?

Warden: why yes I am ?

Mage; damn freaken it!

Alistair: ha looks like I be king after all

Mage: word of advice girlie, don't make him king, he end up turnning the whole of thedas in a cheese sandwich for the archdemon



Warden: well lets hope he wont forget the Katchup

Mage walks off grunting

Alistair: One good thing about the blight is..I get to keep my Pants on...

Warden: not if I can help it

Alistair: ah you must be the new...

Warden: Big brother house guest?

Alistair: Really?, missed it last week who got evited?

Warden: think it was Loghain

Alistair: poor sod



Warden: Duncan wanted me to find...

Alistair: is that cheese?

Warden: maybe

Alistair: can I have it?

Warden: umm ok?

Alistair; yay cheese!!!

Warden: Ducan wanted me to find you

Alistair: sure lets go meet up with him already..btw My name is Alistair

Warden: I don't have a name just called Warden, even though Im not a grey warden yet

Alistair: what logic is that?

Warden; The Dalira Montanti kind



Alistair and warden meet up with duncan

Duncan; There is 2 things I need of you

Warden: if it's my body....I am saving it for Alistair when his approvel is high enough

Duncan: well it wont be for your brains...

Warden: what ever

Duncan: I need you to go to the supermarket and buy 3 vails of dr pepper and documents from the president of the united sates.

Alistair: what sort of documents?

Duncan: There top priority.....ithout them I can't get a hair cut

Alistair: rigghhht

Warden: This is going to be a long night



After a while the warden gets the items duncan asked her to get...but to her suprise she has to shear them with two other people....who happend to die from the joining....they died with honnor and brain freeze.....



*up date more later its getting late*

#6
DreGregoire
Posté 13 juillet 2010 - 10:56

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LOL!!

#7
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 14 juillet 2010 - 05:51

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I try to post more soon just need to get my ideas together



#8
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 12 août 2010 - 07:21

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It took a while for the Warden to awaken from her drunken sugary slumber and then....

Duncan: "Alistair theres no need to discribe in absolute detail whats going on here."
Alistair:" Can I plllllleaseeee do the naration bit pleaseeeee!!!"
Ducan: "By Gorge no!, for all the love of KFC I Ducan of the march of the Pengins movie shall not let you pass!"
Alistair: " hey you kinda sounded like that dude from Lord of the rings for a moment"
Duncan: "Why thank you"
Alistair: " now can I narrate stuff"
Duncan: " no!"
Alistair: No fair I never get to do anything"
Ducan: " you get to have sex with your approvel is high"
Alistair: " ehh...that will do"

Duncan" Now that you have awoken from your drunken sugary state,  follow me to see the king"
Warden: " As always I have no idea whats going on, but ok"
Ducan: " Take my hand and we shall fly together, into the big blue sky" ( Duncan points at the sky)
Warden: " Or we can just walk to the next stage since its just behind us"
Ducan: " Yes that will work too"


Warden and Duncan walk down a platform and magically appear in the middle of an arugement.

King type person: " Loghain, my decision is final. We will ask Ann Robbison, from the weakest link to do the macarena"

Loghain: You risk too much, Cailan! The darkspawn horde is too dangerous, we need Ice cream."

King type person: " If that's the case, perhaps we should wait for the Jam Tarts forces to join us, after all."

Loghain: "I must repeat my protest to your fool notion that we need the Jam Tarts to defend ourselves!"

King type person: "It's not a "fool notion." Our arguments with the Jam Tarts are a thing of the past... and you will remember who pays the dentist bills."

Loghain: "How fortunate Maric did not live to see his son ready to hand Ferelden over to those who gave us cavaties for a century!"

King type person: " Then our current forces will have to suffice, won't they? Duncan, are your men ready for battle?"

Duncan: " yes, There teeth are nice and clean"
King type person: "Wonderful, and this is the lady from Highever I meet before, weldone for whatever it is you did"
Warden: "You people are freken crazy"

Loghain: " we have a plan we got Ann!"
King type person: " Lets rock and role"
GrandMushroom: "If we leave now, we can just about make it in time for some french fries"
Mage: " Mutters"

King type person: " To war men and mushroom, cavaties await"

Somehow Ducan Alistair the dog and the new warden who was formally known as warden all met up magically by Ducans fire!.

Duncan: " Alistair shut up"
Alistair: "yes sir"

Warden: " so I still have no idea whats going on"
Duncan: " sigh, I will just send you both to the tower of supercalifragalisticexpiallydoshous, also known as the tower of Ishal,"

Warden and Alistair exchange glances
Duncan: " When you reach the top, this is vital that you reach the top"
Alistairs: " Why is it vital?"
Duncan: "Because...."

(dramatic pause)

Duncan: "I don't really know"
Alistair: " Im sure we will figure it out once we get there!"
Ducan: " Remeber you are both Jedi knights, I expect you to be worthy of that title"
Warden: "I thaught we were Grey wardens?"
Duncan: " Only until 4:15 from monday to thrusday"
Warden: "This just gets worse"

Director: " Brilliant fantastic, now take five, guys we have a big battle coming up ,I need you guys to be ready"

Warden: " This movie gets stranger by the second"
Duncan: " Have you read the script for the battle yet?"
Warden: " No why?"
Ducan: " I get run over by a......."

to be continued soon

Modifié par Dalira Montanti, 12 août 2010 - 07:23 .

#9
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 19 août 2010 - 11:52

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The wardens finally made there way to the tower of Supercalafragilisticexpiallydoush, (formaly known as the tower of Ishal,)

chaos roamed the grounds as masses of Darkswpan were killing people with under cooked chicken burgers, it was a horrifing

sight, they had no mayo nor cheese, (sobs), now where was I, ah yes, as the wardens made there way to the tower they where faced with

a problem.....



Dude type person: "you, are Jedi Knights right?, the tower has been taken"!

Alistair: "Really what a suprise,"

Warden formaly known as warden nudged him hard in the ribs with her elbow

Alistair: "ouch,....that hurt,", "Taken, taken how man,"

Dude type person: "They came, millions of burger king supporters, it was just crazy"

Alistair: "The grey warden moto, we shall fight for truth, justice and the KFC way"

Warden: "Are we Jedi or wardens, this is confusing me"

Alistair: "Only on certain days of the week my dear"

Warden: " Go to hell"

Alistair: "I love you too"

Warden: " Sigh"





Alistair: "we have to light the bacon our selfs"

Warden: "you mean becon"

Alistair: "Right what she said, to war men and mushrooms"



The men and mushrooms and the Jedi, also knwon as wardens on certain days of the week, charged the tower, killing millions of Darkswpan everytime

they reached a new level of the tower, and finally they made it to the 3rd floor.



Alistair: "what are the Darkswpan doing here?, there not supposed to be here, are they?"

Warden: "no not unless...."

Alistair: "Unless?"

Warden: "They knew the plan"



Dramatic pause



Alistair: "By Gorge, and all thats not so holly as swiss cheese, we must save the last airbender,!"

Warden: "Shut up"

Alistair: "yes dear"

Warden: "Did you hear that?"

The ground started to shake under them, the walls rattled with a muffled cry, danger approched!



Alistair: " Damn, it's a gaint gummie bear"

Warden: "wtf"

Mage type person:"we must eat it"

Warden: "But its blackcurrent flavor"

Mage type person: "Be brave Warden, we all must make scarifices"

Warden: "Your right, I shall take the first bite"

Alistair: "If you dont make it back alive can I have your hat?"

Warden: "Hell no"

Alistair: "Just asking"



Warden rushed in the thick of battle guns blazing, or swords blazing, yeah lests stick with swords,

Muisc filled the wardens ears.....(Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, moves where fast as lighting)

Alistair: "It was a little be frighting, but moved with expert timing"

The gummie bear was eaten, and the mage hit Alistair around the head with her pointy stick thingy that

had magical powers ohhhhh.....



Warden: "Now thats how we boogie in Highever"

Truffles: (Barks happly)





Alistair: "Yay Epic battle cut scene"

Warden: " I wish I could of romanced Calian"

Alistair: " huh?"



After the not so lord of the rings but was kinda like lord of the rings cut scene



Alistair: "They died, they all died,"

Warden: "big big problem"



A group of Darkswpan had there Chicken burgers handy while surrounding the not so Grey wardens.



Alistair: "Damn there goes my diet"

Mage type person: "I can't die, I never had the pleasures of a woman...and pizza"

Warden: "You get over it"

Alistair: "Where not going to die"

Warden: "I pay the darkswpan to kill you, mmmm theres a point"



Before the wardens and the mage, could recat the darkswpan did terrible things to them....

Alistair: "Ok who orderd death"

Warden: "I did with a side of fires"



to be continued at some point maybe dunno

#10
Guest_Corvus I_*
Posté 28 septembre 2010 - 09:23

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I don't understand. What happened to the cheese?

#11
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 28 septembre 2010 - 09:26

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Corvus I wrote...

I don't understand. What happened to the cheese?

Well that will be explined in future chaps ^^

#12
Khylia Morgoth
Posté 28 septembre 2010 - 10:23

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o.m.g this is awsome i cant wait to read more grabs some pizza beer and popcron for later the cheesy popcorn giggles

#13
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 29 septembre 2010 - 10:29

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glad u liked it new chp on friday with fanart

#14
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 30 septembre 2010 - 08:46

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(I know its not friday but in the world of dragon age cheese and maker knows what else no one cares expect me of corse or do I? meh anyway new chappy chap chap now where did my brains fly off too mmmm, (on that note fanart will commence on friday if my pens love me or not)





Director: "ADD CHEESE NO THE BLUE MOLDY COLOUERD CHEESE OH YEAH THATS THE SPOT!"



Duncan: "Is it me or is the Director, shouting a bit to loudly about cheese?!"

Warden: "It's an ungoing theme with him"

Loghain walks into the studio and people start to boo at him

Loghain: "Yeah well your all Orlisians"



Warden: "Oh looks another tratoir amung us"

Duncan: "Now now we don't no that just yet"

Warden: "Of corse we do I just read the scripts"

Duncan: "how?, did you manage to get the scripts?"

(Warden steps into a flash back and the misson impossible theme tune starts in the background)



Warden: "Well I was on my way home when......"



(Warden narration from here on)

I wore black everything I made Catwoman look like...well Catwoman...the only lights I had with me were the stars, I could smell the open sea behind me the wind in my face, I knew then trubble was afoot.



(Duncan cuts in)

Duncan: "what dose this have to do with the scripts?"

Warden: "Nothing, Just wanted to discribe moby dick"

*Silence*

Warden: "As I was saying, I snuk into the studio after hours"

Alistair: "More like she got locked in the bathroom again after lights out" (Crowd applause Alistairs entrace)

Warden: "Curse the day Bioware made you adorable"

Alistair: "Sadly we are owned by the fox network now"

Warden: "Bioware took good care of us"

Duncan: "The cupons can somebody think about the cupons"



Director steps back into the room with cheese on his face

Director: "Yeah back to work people, movie wont make it self"



Warden: "I continue later"



Duncan nodded





Director: "This is where the gang gets ambushed by Darkspwan, and then find them selfs in the wilds"



Warden: "Finally something that did happen"

Director: "Warden has mad sex with morrigan" (FAN BOYS SCREAM)

Warden: "I hate my life"

Duncan: "Hey what about me?"

Director: "Role over play dead,"



Director: "Lights camera and acttttiooon!"



Morrigan: "Ah your eyes finally open, mother shall be dissopointed"

Warden: "Yeah I feel kinda emo right now"

Morrigan: "mother wishes to speak to you whenyou awoke"

Warden: "why?"

Morrigan: "She wishes to know your cup size"

Warden: "wtf?"

Moriigan: "That was a joke"

Warden: " IT better be"



Warden steps out of the pizzahut



Witch: "See your fellow Jedi is alive"

Alistair: *pounces on warden* "Prase the maker, I CAN STIL BECOEM KING"

Warden: "not unless I put Anora on the throne, right now im tempted"

Alistair: "Just you wait until my approvel is high enough you minx" *Dose famous Alistair smile*

Warden: "let me guess you will drop dead and I live happly ever after then end"

Alsiatir: "I love you too"





Witch: "Now Jedi you have an imporant mission yes?"

Alistair: "The Archdemon"

Warden: "What is the Archdemon?"

Witch: "It is said that the Archdemon, owns Burger king, he will use all his Burger type power to engulf the world in greece"



Alistair:"I liked that musical"

Witch glears at him



Warden: "We must move quickly"

Witch: "Before you go, I wil offer Morrigan to you, for reasons purely my own"

Morrigan: "Do I have to?"

Witch: "They need you Morrigan, with out help these Jedi cant unite the federation"

Morrigans: "umm ok.......I am ready to leave"

Warden: "Where off to see the wizard the wizard the Wizard of Oz"



Alistair: "Oh looks a yellow brick road wonder where it leads"

Morrigan: "Lothering"



Duncan: "As always nothing makes scences and the typos are pure coinsidence"

Warden: "Think German subtitle"

Alistair: "Käse"









#15
naomis8329
Posté 11 octobre 2010 - 09:39

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Love it. My family are looking at me as if I've lost the plot, laughing at the computer. My mind's eye is overloaded.



Keep it up please.

#16
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 12 octobre 2010 - 09:30

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I try my best ^^"

#17
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 12 octobre 2010 - 05:31

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Alistair: "eh somethings wrong ive stopped moving

Morrigan sighs "Where about to move to a cutscene you idiot"



Alistair: Ohhhhhhh



Denerim



Loghain: Ladys and marshrooms of mostly f'd up ages, we are at war and I need every last man and marshroom you can lend me



Teagan: The sugar kingdom of cheesey bits will not submit to you, just because you claim the title of lord ******

Loghain: The Jam Tarts are the real danger here, do you want them to give your children cavities?



(Nobles matter to them selfs)

Teagan: it was the kings job to pay the dentist bills, not yours



Loghain storms out the room and the nobles are starting to panic



Queen Formaly known as umm the Queen: Please ban Teagan, be resonable

Teagan: Was your father being resonable when he let your HUSBAND DIE ?



dum dum dum end of cutscene



The party reach Lothering at long last because that damn cutscene frooze for 4 minutes causing problems for the mac damnit!!!



Dude1: Wake up, gentlemen! More travelers to attend to. I'd guess the pretty one is the leader.

Dude2: Err... they don't look much like them others, you know. Uh... maybe we should just let these ones pass...



Alistair: Highwaymen. Preying on those fleeing the chicken burgers, I suppose.

Morrigan: fools getting in our way, teach them a lesson



Dude1: Now is that any way to greet someone? Tsk, tsk, tsk. A simple ten peaces of rare candy and you're free to move on.



Warden: This is not pokemon.....

Dude2: What did I tell you? No pokeballs, and this one looks armed.

Dude1: You have a point...which way to gamefreak?



Warden: Take a left to team rocket base and a left from Loghains bedroom, he has a fasination with pokemon.



The bandits run towards pokedom



Alistair: "Gotta hate em all"



Alistair: " Ah Lothering pretty as a monkey's arse

Morrigan: ah you finally opend your mouth

Alistair: Im upset the cut scene froze for 4 minutes damn mac



Warden: I thaught you be more upset about Duncan

Alistair: yeah that too, where is Duncan anyway

Morrigan: Buying more cupons



Truffles: Barks

Alistair: right so I was wondering if you knew what we should be doign now

Warden: I don't know whats going on anymore the whoel story has been f'd from the start

Morrigan: and yet ppl are still reading the script

Anders: Boggles the mind



Warden: What are you doing here?

Anders: sup Commander

Alistair: I know you I met you in awakenings with Bob marley

Anders: your the guy that shows up even when ur not king



Alistair: waaaaaa?

Warden: go back to awakenings will you Anders

Anders: but im lonley the game moudle has not even been open yet

Warden: If your good I let you ut during endgame save now beat it



Anders: yay?



Morrigan: we need to A, stop the blight,

Alistair: Some body save me!!!!!! Don't care how you do it just save save ohhhhhh!!!!



Warden: why are you singing smallville theme?

Alistair: It's on tonight

Warden: I give up



Director: and cut!!!!!!!

















#18
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 21 octobre 2010 - 01:17

Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
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Director: "Ok now our heros arrive at Lothering also known as HamBurg"

Alistair: "Lothering is just Lothering"

Duncan: "I can't believe you killed me off like that, I'm to beautiful and hairy to die"

Warden: "Makers breath, you should of activated your magical beard powers"

Duncan: "Ey, maybe next time"



Director: "I want cheese romane and burgers"

Warden: "Whats Romane?"

Alistair: "He means Romance my dear Warden, oh how I adore thee"

Warden kicks Alistair



Alistair: "You kick with love"

Warden: "Someone please kill him"

Zev the not so assistant Assassin: "Mia Bella let us be off with the show yes?"

Warden: "Puss in boots"

Zev the not so assistant Assassin: *Puuuurrrrrs*



Director: "Lights camera action"



Morrigan: " Tis unlikely we will face any trouble here"

Alistair: "Yeah as long as we don't ware I'm a Grey Warden sign on our heads were safe"

Warden: "Lets find a tavern so we can get some information at least"



Boy: "Mother...Mother where are you?"

Boy: "It's cold I don't like this"

Warden and the rest of the brainy bunch walk up the boy standing by the not so bridge like bridge



Boy: "Have you seen my Mother"

Warden: "You sound like Oren, or is that just my imagination"

Boy: "The director was to cheap to kidnap another Bioware character"

Warden: "you poor dear you lost your mummy?"

Alistair: "Guess his mummy with the Pharaoh"

Alistair gets hit by Morrigan

Alistair: "Hey"



Boy: "Some mean men put my father on the weight watchers diet, and Mother told me to run"

Boy: " The happy Duckies from the BBC, told me to wait here, for Sponge bob square pants"

Warden: "that is the sadist story I ever heard, here take this silver, and buy your self a burger and chips"

Boy: "Wow a Hole silver, your really Ugly lady kinda like mother I should go, Days of our life's is on bye"



Warden: "what a sweet little...."

The hero's start to walk on the bridge



Alistair gets hit by a flying source pan



Warden: "Trap right ahead"

Alistair: "You could of told me that before I got hit?"



Alistair takes another step on the bridge, and this time sets off a fire trap

Warden: "Trap right ahead"

Alistair jumps into the lake and then gets hit by more flying pans

Warden: "Oh a cunning trap"

Truffles: "Barks"



Alistair gets out of the water soaking wet and stays quiet for the duration of the travel towards the not so happy Tavern.plotting Revenge.



They Reach the Tavern and the local Gossip Girls start to hatter away

Gossip 1: "Did you hear Loghain is the new big brother house guest?

Gossip 2: " I heard he got evicted last time"



The Hero's enter the Tavern



Man: "Look here men, I think we just been blessed"

Other man: "She looks like that person where supposed to be looking for"

Man: "your a Grey Warden"

Warden: "Smart very smart"





Director: "And cut take 5 ppl"

#19
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 21 octobre 2010 - 04:53

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I try to add more on Friday folks enjoy your week days

#20
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 05 novembre 2010 - 09:20

Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
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Our not so erotic heroes have entered the not so but is so Tavern, damn I need a drink....



Man or woman looks like a man kinda: Loghain wants you dead

Warden: Really is that before or after I die?

Other man who looks like a woman: That's a really deep question boss

Man or woman looks like a man kinda: will you shut up, Attack



Battle scene after pressing an awful amount of buttons (Dude looks like a lady plays as battle theme song)



Alistair: Yay we won Victory kiss my dear?

Warden: Drop dead

Alistair: I know you love me really

Red head girl: Ouch I got hit by the you won sign

Morrigan: Finish them off



Red head: No wait show them mercy

Warden: They aim to kill us and send us to florida, mmm not about idea really...



Man or woman looks like a man kinda: I won't do anything I swear

Warden: fine send a message to Loghain

Man or woman looks like a man kinda: Yes anything

Warden: A new age has come, an age of freedom. And all will know that 300 Spartans gave their last breath to defend it. I mean wardens so just replace Spartans with Wardens



Alistair: I think there were more than 300

Warden: shut it Im giving the message here not you

Alistair: Yes dear



Warden dose an awesome pose

Morrigan: Why are you posing?

Warden: Why are you evil?

Morrigan: I had no cheese as a child



(Audience AWWWZ in background)



Director ok cut that was fantastic take 5 all



Alistair: Awww I wanna be king already

Warden: I brought you something

Alistair: a drink for me? I knew you loved me

Warden: it's poison you should die within 6 seconds after drinking it enjoy



Alistair: she loves me she really loves me



Duncan: You did all that and Im still dead

Warden: Yeah but you still Narrate stuff

Duncan: Narration from Haven

Duncan: Btw you still never told me why you were sneeking in here the other night



Warden: Ok I left my tissues on my desk so I had to get them,

Duncan: Tissues?

Warden; They make my boobs look bigger :D

Duncan: I wonder why I recruited you

Warden: Cuz im cute and super charming

Duncan: No think i just needed an excuse to visit the cheese factory



Duncan ok wardens whats are modo?



Alistair: we fight for truth and justice and the kfc way

Warden: here here,......

#21
Moogie M
Posté 05 novembre 2010 - 11:02

Moogie M
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Oh man. I giggled soooo much while reading these. Can't wait till you update again~ ^^

#22
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 06 novembre 2010 - 09:23

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I was going to do fan art but a big creepy looking guy (my room mates bf) spilt soda over my scanner :0

so until then I make more chappys

#23
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 12 novembre 2010 - 05:38

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Now I gotten your attention you poor cheesey baby you I shall post a new (chappy but not just any chappy this is the mother of all chappy's

so where is this chappy you ask well Ive not made it yet XD hahahaha yeah ok enjoy the insanity which is my brain no really my loyal not so fanatical fans read at your own risk!!!!!!!!! gosh a nut a lolly pop I need a drink)



As it was written, as it was sad the hero's of ....Hero's of.....ah..

Director: Help me out here

Loghain: Im busy plotting to kill people do you mind?

Director: corse not

Loghain: Orlisian wind bag



Director: OK from the top and we need to re do the whole Tavern scene I felt no love there we need more sex and yeah add the chicken in the background.



Dude1: The roasted one or.... the horny one ?

Director: mmmmm horny one

Zap-chan: I will kill all you wind bag's

Director: I fire you, hows that ?

Zap-chan: Fire me I already quit (uses one of his claws and takes out a remote control from the back of his well feathers) I'll be back you crazy sods muhaaaaaaa ( ground starts to move under Zap-chan and he dissapears bond style, just with less women.



everyone just watches the not so but is really dramatic scene

Dude1: There goes the coolest chick in crappywood muchamornia



Director: ok so the heros enter the Tavern 3...2....1.....go



wiredo:Well. Look what we have here, men. I think we've just been blessed.

Alistair: Uh-oh spaghetti oh's. Loghain's men. ask if he knows us.

Warden: .......



Other nut case: Didn't we spend all morning asking about a woman by this very description? And everyone said they hadn't seen her because they been eating cheese?



Alistair: Hello...I'm a warden two, why not look for me?



Other nut case: blond hair twit...no sorry not here

Alistair then looks sad



Wiredo: It seems we were lied to....There's no cheese!!

Alistair: No cheese what's the world coming to

Wiredo: Could google some cheese if we wanted to



Alistair: nah I rather Ask Jeeves, *whistles* Yo Jeeves, cheese please old boy.



Ask Jeeves: F off I'm on vacation, go and harass some other butler, stupid video game characters.(mutters)



Sister but not from sister act one two or three: Gentlemen, surely there is no need for trouble. These are no doubt simply more poor souls seeking Cheese.



Wiredo: They're more than that. Now stay out of our way, Sister. You protect these jam Tart followers, you'll get the same as them, pie in the face.



Audience gasp



warden: It looks like he wants to boogie. I'm happy to oblige.

Wiredo: we shall do the waltz of death *puts rose in his mouth*

Warden: so bit it *clicks fingers*



msuic starts in background and they start to waltz



Wiredo: you have beautiful eye's

Warden: your not bad your self



Wiredo: Let's run away together, you and I

Warden: no thanks

Wiredo: what is there someone else?

Warden: yes in fact there is



Alistair looks hopeful



Warden; I like a bit of **** but since I have a dog I have to settle for him, dog slobber turns me on?



Alistair chases truffles out the Tavern

Alistair: give me your drool please!!!!



Director: and cut

#24
Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
Posté 15 novembre 2010 - 01:00

Guest_Dalira Montanti_*
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so far I've gotten 40 cavities a broken arm and a busted brain cell from this fanfic -_-

hurray for insanity more to come soon

#25
Matchy Pointy
Posté 17 novembre 2010 - 08:48

Matchy Pointy
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Finally able to post in here to appreciate this awesome work, aleays good for a laugh :)
Retourner dans Fan Creations


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