Another limerick, this one for the top ten thread:
When cold winter wind gusts do blow
And lampposts are covered with snow
If you give one a lick
Your tongue, it will stick
It's safer to [redacted], you know
Corker's Songs and Poems (4/5/13)
Débuté par
Corker
, juin 15 2010 01:55
#51
Posté 24 novembre 2010 - 11:41
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Retour en haut
#52
Posté 24 novembre 2010 - 11:52
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Over in the ZevThread, Korina1982 posted this story about Zevran learning some bardic skills by writing a naughty poem that the reader never gets to see. Ever helpful, I provided this.
A Quick Study
The Dalish elves in forests dark
Live life quite stern and chaste
But if you've met a Dalish elf
You know that that's a waste
I fancied a fine archer
Keiran was his name
If you'd seen those shoulders, too
You would have felt the same
Since he was a novice
A dagger duel I'd planned
But no dar'misu this Dalish had
He had a dar'missan!
A spry and graceful people
Quite flexible as well
Although his moves were most unsure
Before that sword I fell
And now we duel most reg'larly
Yes, every single night
I'm pleased to say my student quick
Can put up quite the fight
A Quick Study
The Dalish elves in forests dark
Live life quite stern and chaste
But if you've met a Dalish elf
You know that that's a waste
I fancied a fine archer
Keiran was his name
If you'd seen those shoulders, too
You would have felt the same
Since he was a novice
A dagger duel I'd planned
But no dar'misu this Dalish had
He had a dar'missan!
A spry and graceful people
Quite flexible as well
Although his moves were most unsure
Before that sword I fell
And now we duel most reg'larly
Yes, every single night
I'm pleased to say my student quick
Can put up quite the fight
#53
Posté 24 novembre 2010 - 11:54
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I sponsored a ZevThread weekly contest with the theme of "Oghren!" and soignee won it with this. This is the poem she requested as a prize.
You Know What They Say About Dwarves
You know what they say about dwarves
They never can have enough gold
They dig in the dirt
For trinkets of worth
And won't let them out of their hold
You know what they say about dwarves
They never can have enough fame
A glorious fight
Suits them just right
As long as it brightens their name
You know what they say about dwarves
They never can have enough screwin'
The girls like our rig
Since it feels extra-big
From morning til night they'll want you in
You know what they say about dwaves
They haven't a scruple at all
They'd off their own aunt
To get what they want
So that's why we've put out the call...
You know what they say about dwarves
They'd turn on their lover and king
But the men of the sky
Know what's a lie
And so together we sing
You know what they say about dwarves
They live in the dirt and the loam
Deep in the dark
Well under a rock
Time's come for the the dwarves to go home
You Know What They Say About Dwarves
You know what they say about dwarves
They never can have enough gold
They dig in the dirt
For trinkets of worth
And won't let them out of their hold
You know what they say about dwarves
They never can have enough fame
A glorious fight
Suits them just right
As long as it brightens their name
You know what they say about dwarves
They never can have enough screwin'
The girls like our rig
Since it feels extra-big
From morning til night they'll want you in
You know what they say about dwaves
They haven't a scruple at all
They'd off their own aunt
To get what they want
So that's why we've put out the call...
You know what they say about dwarves
They'd turn on their lover and king
But the men of the sky
Know what's a lie
And so together we sing
You know what they say about dwarves
They live in the dirt and the loam
Deep in the dark
Well under a rock
Time's come for the the dwarves to go home
#54
Posté 24 novembre 2010 - 11:59
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Another prize for a ZevThread contest, this one of the theme of "Poetry." Maradeux won with this, and this is her prize. It's a love poem from Zevran to generic!Warden. I admit this is probably more open than Zevran would ever actually allow himself to be, but I think the sentiment is there (albeit unspoken).
Looking Forward
My days were numbered one by one
Beneath Antiva’s burning sun
My yesterdays, all bitter ash
The empty boasts so bold and brash
Of vic’tries for another won
No thing my own when day was done
Tomorrow’s hopes were not for me
Beside the timeless ebbing sea
The dawn brings promises of death
Perhaps today’s my final breath
Why try the future to foresee
When pain is what you know will be?
And so I went from day to day
My pleasures taking where I may
Until that empty, aimless life
Of endless killings and of strife
I finally found, to my dismay,
Would even slender joys betray
From pain and loss, I sought an end
So far from home my way would wend
Sweet death would be a last escape
Not thinking life could be reshaped
Nor that I might yet makes amends
Or find at last a trusted friend
Or more than friend, for such you are
A balm to all my many scars
On days with you, I would reflect
A past to treasure and protect
These memories, a repertoire --
Delights as bright as any star
The future stretches out her hand
Where I must look at her command
For once, I find I wish to know
Where life’s currents may yet flow
Will I yet stay or leave this land?
At your side may I still stand?
For that is where I wish to be
Held so close but yet set free
A past, a present, future, too
A life transforméd and renewed
A pretty gift you’ve given me
And so I ask on bended knee
That would would hear my earnest plea
And let me spend my days with thee
Looking Forward
My days were numbered one by one
Beneath Antiva’s burning sun
My yesterdays, all bitter ash
The empty boasts so bold and brash
Of vic’tries for another won
No thing my own when day was done
Tomorrow’s hopes were not for me
Beside the timeless ebbing sea
The dawn brings promises of death
Perhaps today’s my final breath
Why try the future to foresee
When pain is what you know will be?
And so I went from day to day
My pleasures taking where I may
Until that empty, aimless life
Of endless killings and of strife
I finally found, to my dismay,
Would even slender joys betray
From pain and loss, I sought an end
So far from home my way would wend
Sweet death would be a last escape
Not thinking life could be reshaped
Nor that I might yet makes amends
Or find at last a trusted friend
Or more than friend, for such you are
A balm to all my many scars
On days with you, I would reflect
A past to treasure and protect
These memories, a repertoire --
Delights as bright as any star
The future stretches out her hand
Where I must look at her command
For once, I find I wish to know
Where life’s currents may yet flow
Will I yet stay or leave this land?
At your side may I still stand?
For that is where I wish to be
Held so close but yet set free
A past, a present, future, too
A life transforméd and renewed
A pretty gift you’ve given me
And so I ask on bended knee
That would would hear my earnest plea
And let me spend my days with thee
#55
Posté 07 décembre 2010 - 01:35
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Yes, there is no indication that Wintersend has twelve days.
Yes, some of these are things the Warden gives Zevran, and some are roguey things Zevran might give the Warden.
Yes, Zevran has no Deft Hands specced when you get him.
Now that that's clear, I present:
The Twelve Days of Wintersend
On the twelfth day of Wintersend my true love gave to me:
Twelve traps disarméd
Eleven purses pilfered
Ten chests a-looted
Nine genlocks backstabbed
Eight tent-time backrubs
Seven locked doors opened
Six bombs a-booming
FIVE GOLDEN BARS
Four grease traps set
Three Quiet Deaths
Two Dalish gloves
And a fine pair of doeskin leather boots
Yes, some of these are things the Warden gives Zevran, and some are roguey things Zevran might give the Warden.
Yes, Zevran has no Deft Hands specced when you get him.
Now that that's clear, I present:
The Twelve Days of Wintersend
On the twelfth day of Wintersend my true love gave to me:
Twelve traps disarméd
Eleven purses pilfered
Ten chests a-looted
Nine genlocks backstabbed
Eight tent-time backrubs
Seven locked doors opened
Six bombs a-booming
FIVE GOLDEN BARS
Four grease traps set
Three Quiet Deaths
Two Dalish gloves
And a fine pair of doeskin leather boots
#56
Posté 20 décembre 2010 - 06:32
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Good Chantry Men
A seasonal song
Good Chantry men all flee
Just run and follow me
Give ye heed to what I say:
Run! Run!
Darkspawn are here come to slay
Biggest one is coming fast
If you stay, you will not last
Alpha es et ogre,
Alpha es et ogre!
A seasonal song
Good Chantry men all flee
Just run and follow me
Give ye heed to what I say:
Run! Run!
Darkspawn are here come to slay
Biggest one is coming fast
If you stay, you will not last
Alpha es et ogre,
Alpha es et ogre!
#58
Posté 09 février 2011 - 12:13
Mactire Wolfkin
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awesome poems and i'm not even into poetry. i especially like An Ode in Appreciation of the Dwarven Form. i started listenin to baby got back not to long ago and i got the reference rite off.
#59
Posté 11 février 2011 - 02:39
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@Tig and Mactire, thanks!
Over on the k!meme, a prompter requested "But the Mage Came Back," a story about a mage who leaves the Tower but keeps coming back, with trinkets from exotic locales.
Well, I used to sing "The Cat Came Back" in scout camp. So this was too good to pass up. No worries, it's safer for work than the limericks.
The Mage Came Back
In Ferelden’s Tower, there’s a mage who likes to go
He has a yen to travel and he doesn’t travel slow
The templars always chase him, though we don’t know why they do
He always comes back home again but the templars all get screwed...
Chorus:
But... the mage came back, the very next day
Oh the mage came back, they thought he was a goner
But the mage came back, he just couldn’t stay away, away, bu-doodely-do
Then the mage went out again; he’s heading for Orlais
He thought he’d hear an opera and maybe see a play
The templar who was tracking him, he didn’t think it hard
Until he got entangled with a fair Orlesian bard...
The mage decided that he’d see the grand Rialto Bay
To stand upon its sandy shores and feel the ocean’s spray
What happened to the templar, I’m not sure that I know
But oh, I heard he met a flock of fine Antivan Crows...
Going on a ship, the mage is for Tevinter bound
Two templars went to follow him with six mabari hounds
The dogs, they were washed overboard from all the storm and flood
The templars caught by magisters and sacrificed for blood...
A destination close to home for mage’s latest romp
He headed south until he came to old Korcari Swamp
The templar sighed and thought, “Well, at least it isn’t far”
But he got caught and spent the night with Asha’bellanar...
The mage went to Nevarra, to look for dragon scales
The templars were right after him, a-following his trail
They tracked him to the mountains, and at a cave arrived
Once the dragon was all done, there was not a man alive...
Over on the k!meme, a prompter requested "But the Mage Came Back," a story about a mage who leaves the Tower but keeps coming back, with trinkets from exotic locales.
Well, I used to sing "The Cat Came Back" in scout camp. So this was too good to pass up. No worries, it's safer for work than the limericks.
The Mage Came Back
In Ferelden’s Tower, there’s a mage who likes to go
He has a yen to travel and he doesn’t travel slow
The templars always chase him, though we don’t know why they do
He always comes back home again but the templars all get screwed...
Chorus:
But... the mage came back, the very next day
Oh the mage came back, they thought he was a goner
But the mage came back, he just couldn’t stay away, away, bu-doodely-do
Then the mage went out again; he’s heading for Orlais
He thought he’d hear an opera and maybe see a play
The templar who was tracking him, he didn’t think it hard
Until he got entangled with a fair Orlesian bard...
The mage decided that he’d see the grand Rialto Bay
To stand upon its sandy shores and feel the ocean’s spray
What happened to the templar, I’m not sure that I know
But oh, I heard he met a flock of fine Antivan Crows...
Going on a ship, the mage is for Tevinter bound
Two templars went to follow him with six mabari hounds
The dogs, they were washed overboard from all the storm and flood
The templars caught by magisters and sacrificed for blood...
A destination close to home for mage’s latest romp
He headed south until he came to old Korcari Swamp
The templar sighed and thought, “Well, at least it isn’t far”
But he got caught and spent the night with Asha’bellanar...
The mage went to Nevarra, to look for dragon scales
The templars were right after him, a-following his trail
They tracked him to the mountains, and at a cave arrived
Once the dragon was all done, there was not a man alive...
Modifié par Corker, 11 février 2011 - 02:40 .
#60
Posté 22 février 2011 - 05:29
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Over in Varric Thread 3.0, someone mused that DA2: The Musical would be kind of keen, something along the lines of the "Once More, with Feeling" episode of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer.
Yeah, like I could pass that up. Alas, there's only one plot-event in DA2 that I really know enough to write a musical-style song about:
Failure
To be sung by Aveline in a private moment
I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
The Maker knows how hard I’ve tried, but
I can’t protect them all
I learned to fight and kill
To carry shield and sword
I thought that I would wield them
Against the darkspawn horde
My Wesley at my side
Our home we would defend
Not give an inch and kill the beasts
We would stand til the end
But I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
The Maker knows how hard I’ve tried, but
I can’t protect them all
We had to sound retreat
And leave our home behind
Protecting farmers on the way
As the road did northward wind
You cannot kill a sickness
You cannot defend from Death
Nothing to protect against
As he drew his final breath
I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
The Maker knows how hard I’ve tried, but
I can’t protect them all
But I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
I have nothing, and deserve it, ‘cause
I could not protect them all
Yeah, like I could pass that up. Alas, there's only one plot-event in DA2 that I really know enough to write a musical-style song about:
Failure
To be sung by Aveline in a private moment
I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
The Maker knows how hard I’ve tried, but
I can’t protect them all
I learned to fight and kill
To carry shield and sword
I thought that I would wield them
Against the darkspawn horde
My Wesley at my side
Our home we would defend
Not give an inch and kill the beasts
We would stand til the end
But I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
The Maker knows how hard I’ve tried, but
I can’t protect them all
We had to sound retreat
And leave our home behind
Protecting farmers on the way
As the road did northward wind
You cannot kill a sickness
You cannot defend from Death
Nothing to protect against
As he drew his final breath
I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
The Maker knows how hard I’ve tried, but
I can’t protect them all
But I can’t protect them all
I can’t protect them all
I have nothing, and deserve it, ‘cause
I could not protect them all
Modifié par Corker, 04 mars 2011 - 05:59 .
#61
Posté 24 août 2011 - 01:04
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Dwarves Don't Dream
From the Dragon Age: Origins musical...
(Exit BERAHT and JARVIA)
NATIA:
(Spits after them.)
LESKE:
Come on, let's get to the Proving Grounds.
NATIA:
Just like that? After what he said, we're just going to -
LESKE:
(tired) What else are we gonna do, Nat?
NATIA:
I don't... I don't know! Start our own gang. Go to the surface! Something, anything, other than this!
LESKE:
Dwarves don't dream, Nat. Come on, let's -- (Natia crosses her arms, turns her back on LESKE and huffs at the wall.) Fine, whatever. When your Highness is done with your royal snit, I'll see you at the Proving Grounds. Maybe I can case the place while I'm waiting... (Exit LESKE)
NATIA turns to face audience as orchestra starts up.
NATIA:
Dwarves don't dream. (thinking it over) Dwarves... don't...
(sings)
Is that even true?
If it is,
what will I do?
If dwarves don't dream
what does that mean
For me?
Should I give up?
Should I give in?
Let go these hopes
That there's some way
To win?
Nothing but dust
Is what they say
But hot winds can rise,
Blow dust away
From here...
Maybe dwarves don't dream
But salroka,
We sure scheme
And plot and plan and cheat
To get our way!
I'm a duster,
Sure that's true
With a brand
You can't undo
But I feel it
In my breast
I was born to
Be the best!
And I'll find a way to get there -
Show 'em all they'd best beware---!
(NATIA looks offstage and freezes; music cuts off abruptly. She scuffs her feet and looks down.)
(speaks)
Sure, Natia, you keep telling yourself that. (sighs) Better go find Leske before he gets pounded into the dirt by one of the Proving fighters... (NATIA shuffles off-stage)
From the Dragon Age: Origins musical...
(Exit BERAHT and JARVIA)
NATIA:
(Spits after them.)
LESKE:
Come on, let's get to the Proving Grounds.
NATIA:
Just like that? After what he said, we're just going to -
LESKE:
(tired) What else are we gonna do, Nat?
NATIA:
I don't... I don't know! Start our own gang. Go to the surface! Something, anything, other than this!
LESKE:
Dwarves don't dream, Nat. Come on, let's -- (Natia crosses her arms, turns her back on LESKE and huffs at the wall.) Fine, whatever. When your Highness is done with your royal snit, I'll see you at the Proving Grounds. Maybe I can case the place while I'm waiting... (Exit LESKE)
NATIA turns to face audience as orchestra starts up.
NATIA:
Dwarves don't dream. (thinking it over) Dwarves... don't...
(sings)
Is that even true?
If it is,
what will I do?
If dwarves don't dream
what does that mean
For me?
Should I give up?
Should I give in?
Let go these hopes
That there's some way
To win?
Nothing but dust
Is what they say
But hot winds can rise,
Blow dust away
From here...
Maybe dwarves don't dream
But salroka,
We sure scheme
And plot and plan and cheat
To get our way!
I'm a duster,
Sure that's true
With a brand
You can't undo
But I feel it
In my breast
I was born to
Be the best!
And I'll find a way to get there -
Show 'em all they'd best beware---!
(NATIA looks offstage and freezes; music cuts off abruptly. She scuffs her feet and looks down.)
(speaks)
Sure, Natia, you keep telling yourself that. (sighs) Better go find Leske before he gets pounded into the dirt by one of the Proving fighters... (NATIA shuffles off-stage)
Modifié par Corker, 24 août 2011 - 01:04 .
#62
Posté 06 septembre 2011 - 11:46
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Bumped for...
Real Old Time Religion, Dalish verses (on the kmeme, NSFW)
(It's a folk song thang based on the hymn.)
Real Old Time Religion, Dalish verses (on the kmeme, NSFW)
(It's a folk song thang based on the hymn.)
Modifié par Corker, 06 septembre 2011 - 11:47 .
#63
Posté 21 novembre 2011 - 10:50
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The Journey Home
ZevThread Prompt: Lost
Podcast! Music and vocals by tklivory!
I mapped my steps most carefully
To your cold, forbidding land
And - though I would not speak it -
Death seeking at your hand
When I awoke still breathing
I was lost in lands of life
Where to go from here, I asked,
Since I was spared the knife
Long and long I wandered
And I can't say how or when
But I finally found a path with you -
I wish to begin again
Again, again
I wish to begin again
ZevThread Prompt: Lost
Podcast! Music and vocals by tklivory!
I mapped my steps most carefully
To your cold, forbidding land
And - though I would not speak it -
Death seeking at your hand
When I awoke still breathing
I was lost in lands of life
Where to go from here, I asked,
Since I was spared the knife
Long and long I wandered
And I can't say how or when
But I finally found a path with you -
I wish to begin again
Again, again
I wish to begin again
#65
Posté 19 décembre 2011 - 12:56
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Thank you, gandalin!
And for the holidays, the third in my series of Christmas filks:
O little town of Denerim
On far Ferelden coast
Of all the towns in all the world
Just one can make this boast:
That by your docks and sea-ways
The heav'nly sound was heard
The song that brings enduring grace
And chants the Maker's word
And for the holidays, the third in my series of Christmas filks:
O little town of Denerim
On far Ferelden coast
Of all the towns in all the world
Just one can make this boast:
That by your docks and sea-ways
The heav'nly sound was heard
The song that brings enduring grace
And chants the Maker's word
#66
Posté 13 janvier 2012 - 12:30
TanithT
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Filk FTW. Extra points for Zevran themed filk, though I confess I greatly prefer playing a male Warden to romance that charmingly naughty pointy-eared assassin.
More MP3's please!
More MP3's please!
#67
Posté 12 juin 2012 - 01:28
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A Sonnet for Isabela
Written for a troll thread titled "Fair Isabela." First commenter was disappointed thread was not a love poem.
As changeable and shifting as the sea
Her eyes a tempest, hair all tossed by wind
Now anchored here in Kirkwall's harbor's lee
A siren tempting lad and lass to sin.
Her laughter loud and free as gulls that cry
No silver fish, fast-finned, has greater grace
Than Isabela, dueling for the prize.
There's promises of pleasure writ upon her face.
But pirates bury treasure under sand
As fair as she is, I seek hidden gold
Not kisses sought, but leave to hold her hand
To sail, we two, until the sun grows cold.
She freely gives of every lovely part
Except the one I crave: her broken heart.
Written for a troll thread titled "Fair Isabela." First commenter was disappointed thread was not a love poem.
As changeable and shifting as the sea
Her eyes a tempest, hair all tossed by wind
Now anchored here in Kirkwall's harbor's lee
A siren tempting lad and lass to sin.
Her laughter loud and free as gulls that cry
No silver fish, fast-finned, has greater grace
Than Isabela, dueling for the prize.
There's promises of pleasure writ upon her face.
But pirates bury treasure under sand
As fair as she is, I seek hidden gold
Not kisses sought, but leave to hold her hand
To sail, we two, until the sun grows cold.
She freely gives of every lovely part
Except the one I crave: her broken heart.
#68
Posté 05 avril 2013 - 07:00
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(Because http://dgaider.tumbl...ock-band-part-2)
Follow the String
Bouncy melody, as if it were skipping.
I get so lost when I'm walking
Almost ev-er-y single day
A friend gave me a ball of string
To help me find my way
So now I -
CHORUS
Follow that string
Follow it home
Leads me back
Wherever I roam
Looks sort of silly
But I don't care
Because it brings me home
To you...
I skip through town in the morning
Smell the smells and see the sights
Pet the kittens, feel the sun
And I know it'll be all right
'Cause I can -
But I've got no string for people
And their jokes, their smiles and their lies
And the biggest ball couldn't get me home
When I get lost in your eyes
Can't always -
(ALT last verse (for unromanced Hawke?))
There's another path I'm walking
That's the one I have to hide
The string I cannot carry there
But I don't need a guide
Don't need to -
Follow the String
Bouncy melody, as if it were skipping.
I get so lost when I'm walking
Almost ev-er-y single day
A friend gave me a ball of string
To help me find my way
So now I -
CHORUS
Follow that string
Follow it home
Leads me back
Wherever I roam
Looks sort of silly
But I don't care
Because it brings me home
To you...
I skip through town in the morning
Smell the smells and see the sights
Pet the kittens, feel the sun
And I know it'll be all right
'Cause I can -
But I've got no string for people
And their jokes, their smiles and their lies
And the biggest ball couldn't get me home
When I get lost in your eyes
Can't always -
(ALT last verse (for unromanced Hawke?))
There's another path I'm walking
That's the one I have to hide
The string I cannot carry there
But I don't need a guide
Don't need to -
- Lorien19 aime ceci
#69
Posté 15 mars 2014 - 01:42
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Griffon Queen
(to the tune of "Dancing Queen," Abba)
You can ride, you can fly, having the time of your life
See that griff, watch it preen, lovin' the griffon queen
Aerie's high and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
A fine place to go fly to, getting on the wing
You soar out, see what night may bring
Griffon lets out a ringing cry
Night is young and you're flying high
With a bit of light armor, everything is fine
You got a shield, got a lance
And when you get the chance...
You are the griffon queen, tough and strong, this was unforseen
Griffon queen, brought them back, now they are routine
You can ride, you can fly, having the time of your life
See that griff, watch it preen, lovin' the griffon queen
You found some eggs, you made 'em spawn
Wrangle griffons and then hang on
Train them for the Wardens, everyone can ride
You got a shield, got a lance
And when you get the chance...
You are the griffon queen, tough and strong, this was unforseen
Griffon queen, brought them back, now they are routine
You can ride, you can fly, having the time of your life
See that griff, watch it preen, lovin' the griffon queen
- mousestalker, luna1124 et Lorien19 aiment ceci
#70
Posté 15 mars 2014 - 02:07
Lorien19
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- Members
- 4 490 messages
I don't know in what way to express my appreciation for this thread!You are extremely talented!I give you props!
- Corker aime ceci
#71
Posté 15 mars 2014 - 03:27
Corker
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- Members
- 2 766 messages
Many thanks, Lorien!
Also found this one I wrote a few months back and never posted. Another "DAO: The Musical" number:
Failing (Oghren's Song)
OGHREN:
Shouts angrily as PARTY exits right
That’s right! I’m drunk!
Mutters to himself, kicks about the stage for four bars of intro then sings:
Drool and stare, that’s what I do
Drunken lecher, plays the fool
Beats on things and never thinks
Belches, farts and takes a drink
Because it’s better than failing
Better than shooting and missing the mark
Better than failing
Better than love lost in the dark
Madness is bitter, betrayal burns hot
Sod it all off and pass me a shot
Drinking and brawling, that’s all that I’ve got
But I guess that it’s better than failing
I tried to be good, I tried to be smart
But she’d always finish before I could start
Over my head, away in the forge
Alone, and stupid, and always ignored
But that’s better than failing
Better than shooting and missing the mark
Better than failing
Better than love lost in the dark
Madness is bitter, betrayal burns hot
Sod it all off and pass me a shot
Drinking and brawling, that’s all that I’ve got
But I guess that it’s better than failing
Felsi for fun, to screw away pain
Go ahead, judge; it’s easy to blame
Came home one night, no one was there
Whole sodding household gone into thin air
Spoken, still shocked:
She left me.
Branka...
Sings:
So that’s how I know that
Anything's better than failing
Better than shooting and missing the mark
Better than failing
Better than love lost in the dark
Madness is bitter, betrayal burns hot
Sod it all off and pass me a shot
Drinking and brawling, that’s all that I’ve got
But I guess that it’s better than failing
Anything is better than failing
Anything is better... than this.
- Lorien19 aime ceci
#72
Posté 14 janvier 2015 - 11:18
Corker
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- Members
- 2 766 messages
The Brat in the Hat
by Varric Tethras, in the style of Paragon Seuss
The poem is illustrated with whimsical drawings which bear a faint resemblance to several members of the Inquisition
The sun did not shine.
There was a Breach in the way
So we sat in the Hold
All that weird, weird, green day.
I sat there with Vivi.
We sat there, we two.
And I said, 'How I wish
We had something to do!'
[ A young boy with a topknot and a vest and a little girl with an elaborate hat look morosely out a castle window at the hole in the sky ]
Too weird to go out
Don’t feel up to a brawl.
So we sat in the Hold.
We did nothing at all.
So all we could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.
And then something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!
[ The children look up, startled! ]
We looked!
Then we saw her step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw her!
The Brat in the Hat!
And she said to us,
'Why do you sit there like that?'
'I know it is weird
But I stole some toff’s money.
So we can have
Lots of good fun that is funny!'
[ The Brat in the Hat is an elf in mismatched clothes with a wide, mischievous smile and a very large, patched hat. ]
'I know some good games we could play,'
Said the Brat.
'I know some new tricks,'
said the Brat in the Hat.
'A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you.
Inquisitor will not mind at all if I do.'
Then Vivi and I
Did not know what to say.
Inquisitor was out of the Hold
For the day.
[ The children look at each other in wonder. ]
But our thug said, 'No! No!
Make that Brat go away!
Tell that Brat in the Hat
You do NOT want to play.
She should not be here.
She should not be about.
She should not be here
When Inquisitor’s out!'
[ The thug is a large, frowning woman with a braid of hair 'round her head. A book or paper is seen in her pocket, and the words 'Swords & Sh" are visible. ]
'Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!' said the Brat.
'My tricks are not bad,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
'Why, we can have
Lots of good fun, you big lug,
With a game that I call
Up-up-up with a thug!'
'Put me down!' said the thug.
Or I’ll cut you in half!
Put me down!' said the thug.
"Don’t you DARE have a laugh!"
[ The Brat scoops up the thug, lifting her with one hand. Because cartoon physics, that's why. The thug is purple-faced with outrage. ]
'Have no fear!' said the Brat.
'I will not let you fall.
I will hold you up high
As I stand on a ball.
With some ore one one hand!
and ram hide on my hat!
But that is not ALL I can do!"
Said the Brat...
'Look at me!
Look at me now!' said the Brat.
'With some silk and a cake
On the top of my hat!
I can hold up TWO ores!
I can hold up the thug!
And a little toy ship!
And a wig on a nug!
And look!
I can hop up and down on the ball!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all...
[ The Brat, holding all the things described. ]
'Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
I can hold up the ore
And the breeches I take!
I can hold up these hides!
And the thug on a rake!
I can hold the toy ship
And a little toy man!
And look! With my toes
I can hold a red fan!
I can fan with my fan
As I hop on the ball!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all...'
[ Things are balanced on top of things on top of things, with the very distressed thug looking down from on high. ]
That is what the Brat said...
Then she fell on her head!
She came down with a bump
From up there on the ball.
And Vivi and I,
We saw ALL the things fall!
[ A picture of everything in midair, falling. ]
And our thug came down, too.
She fell onto a cot!
She said, 'Do I like this?
Oh, no! I do not.
This is not a good game,'
Said our thug as she lit.
'No, I do not like it,
And I’ll cut you to bits!'
'Now look what you did!'
Said the thug to the Brat.
'Now look at this Hold!
Look at this! Look at that!
You tore up the silks,
And that fan’s gonna break.
You shook up our Hold
And you bent our new rake.
You SHOULD NOT be here
When Inquisitor’s not.
You get out of this Hold!'
Said the thug on the cot.
[ The thug sits up on a cot, wagging a finger. In the background the nug ambles away, just in case anyone was worried about it surviving the fall. ]
'But I like to be here.
Oh, I like it a lot!'
Said the Brat in the Hat
To the thug on the cot.
'I will NOT go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so,' said the Brat in the Hat,
'So
So
So...
I will show you
Another good game that I know!'
And then she ran out.
And, then, fast as a fox,
The Brat in the Hat
Came back in with a box.
A painted wood box.
It was shut with a hook.
'Now look at this trick,'
Said the Brat.
'Take a look!'
[ The Brat leaving and returning with swoosh marks. The very large Small Painted Box is presented with an air of expectation. ]
Then she got up on top
With a tip of her hat.
'I call this game fun-in-a-box,'
Said the Brat.
'In this box are two Things
I will show to you now.
You will like these two Things,'
Said the Brat with a bow.
'I will pick up the hook.
You will see something new.
Two Things. And I call them
Thing One and Thing Two.
These Things will not bite you.
Unless you say that that's fun.'
Then, out of the box
Came Thing Two and Thing One!
And they ran to us fast.
They said, 'How do you do?
Would you like to shake hands
With Thing One and Thing Two?'
[ A miniature qunari, sized like a child but built like a warrior and sporting an eyepatch, and a handsome man drawn with sparkles all around him pop out of the box. ]
And Vivi and I
Did not know what to do.
So we had to shake hands
With Thing One and Thing Two.
We shook their two hands.
But our thug said, 'No! No!
Those Things should not be
In this Hold! Make them go!
They should not be here
When Inquisitor’s not!
Put them out! Put them out!'
Said the thug on the cot.
[ The children shake hands with the Things. The thug, tangled up in the cot's blankets, protests furiously but can't get up to intervene. ]
'Have no fear, little thug,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
'These Things are good Things.'
And she gave them a pat.
'They are tame. Oh, so tame!
A qunari who’s grey.
And a mage, from Tevinter
Who is charming and gay.'
Now, here is a game that they like,'
Said the Brat.
'They like to fly kites,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
[ The two Things stand by angelically, holding kites. ]
'No! Not in the Hold!'
Said the thug on the cot.
'They should not fly kites
In a Hold! They should not.
Oh, the kites are on fire!
And it’s magically lit!
Oh, I do not like it!
Not one little bit!'
[ The two Things smile wickedly, and the kites burst into flame. The thug shouts and fusses with little sweat drops showing exertion. ]
Then Vivi and I
Saw them run down the hall.
We saw those two Things
Bump their kites on the wall!
Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump!
Down the wall in the hall.
Thing Two and Thing One!
They ran west! They ran east!
On the string of one kite
We saw Inquisitor's bees!
Her bees in the jar
That she throws at your head.
Then we saw one kite bump
Josephine in her bed!
Then those Things ran about
With big bumps, jumps and kicks
And with hops and big thumps
And all kinds of bad tricks.
And I said,
'I do NOT like the way that they play!
If Inquisitor could see this,
Oh, what would she say!'
[ The two Things causing good-natured havoc in the castle, knocking over suits of armor and pulling down drapes. They make a large mess but no one is harmed - Jospehine looks surprised and annoyed at the bump but is otherwise fine. ]
Then our thug said, 'Look! Look!'
And our thug shook with fear.
‘Inquisitor's on her way home!
Do you hear?
Oh, what will she do to us?
What will she say?
Oh, she will not like it
To find us this way!'
'So DO something! fast!' said the thug.
'Do you hear!
I saw her. Inquisitor!
Inquisitor is near!
So, as fast as you can,
Think of something to do!
You will have to get rid of
Thing One and Thing Two!'
[ The thug's arm raises up, a commanding finger pointed skyward, from a broken pile of cot that completely covers her figure. ]
So, as fast as I could,
I went after my net.
And I said, 'With my net
I can get them I bet.
I bet, with my net,
I can get those Things yet!'
Then I let down my net.
It came down with a PLOP!
And I had them! At last!
Those two Things had to stop.
Then I said to the Brat,
'Now you do as I say.
You pack up those Things
Give them something to slay!'
[ The boy in the vest, showing heading off the two Things at a corner. The net is down and the Things are in it. The Brat stands a little ways off, disappointed. ]
'Oh dear!' said the Brat.
'You did not like our game...
Oh dear.
What a shame!
what a shame!
What a shame!'
Then she shut up the Things
In the box with the hook.
And the Brat went away
To sic them both on some schnook.
[ Depart Brat, stage left. ]
'That is good,' said the thug.
'She has gone away. Yes.
But Inquisitor will come.
She will find this big mess!
And this mess is so big
From the vault to the hall,
We can not pick it up.
There is no way at all!'
[ The thug finally gets out from under the cot and regards the castle with despair. The children look nervous. ]
And THEN!
Who was back in the Hold?
Why, the Brat!
'Have no fear of this mess,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
'I always pick up all my playthings
And so...
I will show you another
Good trick that I know!'
Then we saw her pick up all the things that were down.
She picked up the cake,
And the rake, and the gown,
And the ore, and the strings,
And the silks, and the nug,
And the fan, and the hides,
And the ship, and the thug.
And she put them away.
Then she said, 'That is that.'
And then she was gone
With a tip of her hat.
[ The Brat returns with a cart filled with nugs wearing Orlesian jerkins. The nugs dash off the cart and, with the Brat, put everything back where it was. Then they are all back on the cart, exiting through the door. ]
Then Inquisitor came in
And she said to us two,
‘Did you have any fun?
Tell me. What did you do?'
And Vivi and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell her
The things that went on there that day?
[ At the edge of the frame, just the suggestion of an Inquisition uniform. View is from just behind the Inquisitor, and shows the children looking at each other, wondering what to say. ]
Should we tell her about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well...
What would YOU do
If Inquisitor asked YOU?
~~~FIN~~~
by Varric Tethras, in the style of Paragon Seuss
The poem is illustrated with whimsical drawings which bear a faint resemblance to several members of the Inquisition
The sun did not shine.
There was a Breach in the way
So we sat in the Hold
All that weird, weird, green day.
I sat there with Vivi.
We sat there, we two.
And I said, 'How I wish
We had something to do!'
[ A young boy with a topknot and a vest and a little girl with an elaborate hat look morosely out a castle window at the hole in the sky ]
Too weird to go out
Don’t feel up to a brawl.
So we sat in the Hold.
We did nothing at all.
So all we could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.
And then something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!
[ The children look up, startled! ]
We looked!
Then we saw her step in on the mat!
We looked!
And we saw her!
The Brat in the Hat!
And she said to us,
'Why do you sit there like that?'
'I know it is weird
But I stole some toff’s money.
So we can have
Lots of good fun that is funny!'
[ The Brat in the Hat is an elf in mismatched clothes with a wide, mischievous smile and a very large, patched hat. ]
'I know some good games we could play,'
Said the Brat.
'I know some new tricks,'
said the Brat in the Hat.
'A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you.
Inquisitor will not mind at all if I do.'
Then Vivi and I
Did not know what to say.
Inquisitor was out of the Hold
For the day.
[ The children look at each other in wonder. ]
But our thug said, 'No! No!
Make that Brat go away!
Tell that Brat in the Hat
You do NOT want to play.
She should not be here.
She should not be about.
She should not be here
When Inquisitor’s out!'
[ The thug is a large, frowning woman with a braid of hair 'round her head. A book or paper is seen in her pocket, and the words 'Swords & Sh" are visible. ]
'Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!' said the Brat.
'My tricks are not bad,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
'Why, we can have
Lots of good fun, you big lug,
With a game that I call
Up-up-up with a thug!'
'Put me down!' said the thug.
Or I’ll cut you in half!
Put me down!' said the thug.
"Don’t you DARE have a laugh!"
[ The Brat scoops up the thug, lifting her with one hand. Because cartoon physics, that's why. The thug is purple-faced with outrage. ]
'Have no fear!' said the Brat.
'I will not let you fall.
I will hold you up high
As I stand on a ball.
With some ore one one hand!
and ram hide on my hat!
But that is not ALL I can do!"
Said the Brat...
'Look at me!
Look at me now!' said the Brat.
'With some silk and a cake
On the top of my hat!
I can hold up TWO ores!
I can hold up the thug!
And a little toy ship!
And a wig on a nug!
And look!
I can hop up and down on the ball!
But that is not all!
Oh, no.
That is not all...
[ The Brat, holding all the things described. ]
'Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun
But you have to know how.
I can hold up the ore
And the breeches I take!
I can hold up these hides!
And the thug on a rake!
I can hold the toy ship
And a little toy man!
And look! With my toes
I can hold a red fan!
I can fan with my fan
As I hop on the ball!
But that is not all.
Oh, no.
That is not all...'
[ Things are balanced on top of things on top of things, with the very distressed thug looking down from on high. ]
That is what the Brat said...
Then she fell on her head!
She came down with a bump
From up there on the ball.
And Vivi and I,
We saw ALL the things fall!
[ A picture of everything in midair, falling. ]
And our thug came down, too.
She fell onto a cot!
She said, 'Do I like this?
Oh, no! I do not.
This is not a good game,'
Said our thug as she lit.
'No, I do not like it,
And I’ll cut you to bits!'
'Now look what you did!'
Said the thug to the Brat.
'Now look at this Hold!
Look at this! Look at that!
You tore up the silks,
And that fan’s gonna break.
You shook up our Hold
And you bent our new rake.
You SHOULD NOT be here
When Inquisitor’s not.
You get out of this Hold!'
Said the thug on the cot.
[ The thug sits up on a cot, wagging a finger. In the background the nug ambles away, just in case anyone was worried about it surviving the fall. ]
'But I like to be here.
Oh, I like it a lot!'
Said the Brat in the Hat
To the thug on the cot.
'I will NOT go away.
I do NOT wish to go!
And so,' said the Brat in the Hat,
'So
So
So...
I will show you
Another good game that I know!'
And then she ran out.
And, then, fast as a fox,
The Brat in the Hat
Came back in with a box.
A painted wood box.
It was shut with a hook.
'Now look at this trick,'
Said the Brat.
'Take a look!'
[ The Brat leaving and returning with swoosh marks. The very large Small Painted Box is presented with an air of expectation. ]
Then she got up on top
With a tip of her hat.
'I call this game fun-in-a-box,'
Said the Brat.
'In this box are two Things
I will show to you now.
You will like these two Things,'
Said the Brat with a bow.
'I will pick up the hook.
You will see something new.
Two Things. And I call them
Thing One and Thing Two.
These Things will not bite you.
Unless you say that that's fun.'
Then, out of the box
Came Thing Two and Thing One!
And they ran to us fast.
They said, 'How do you do?
Would you like to shake hands
With Thing One and Thing Two?'
[ A miniature qunari, sized like a child but built like a warrior and sporting an eyepatch, and a handsome man drawn with sparkles all around him pop out of the box. ]
And Vivi and I
Did not know what to do.
So we had to shake hands
With Thing One and Thing Two.
We shook their two hands.
But our thug said, 'No! No!
Those Things should not be
In this Hold! Make them go!
They should not be here
When Inquisitor’s not!
Put them out! Put them out!'
Said the thug on the cot.
[ The children shake hands with the Things. The thug, tangled up in the cot's blankets, protests furiously but can't get up to intervene. ]
'Have no fear, little thug,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
'These Things are good Things.'
And she gave them a pat.
'They are tame. Oh, so tame!
A qunari who’s grey.
And a mage, from Tevinter
Who is charming and gay.'
Now, here is a game that they like,'
Said the Brat.
'They like to fly kites,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
[ The two Things stand by angelically, holding kites. ]
'No! Not in the Hold!'
Said the thug on the cot.
'They should not fly kites
In a Hold! They should not.
Oh, the kites are on fire!
And it’s magically lit!
Oh, I do not like it!
Not one little bit!'
[ The two Things smile wickedly, and the kites burst into flame. The thug shouts and fusses with little sweat drops showing exertion. ]
Then Vivi and I
Saw them run down the hall.
We saw those two Things
Bump their kites on the wall!
Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump!
Down the wall in the hall.
Thing Two and Thing One!
They ran west! They ran east!
On the string of one kite
We saw Inquisitor's bees!
Her bees in the jar
That she throws at your head.
Then we saw one kite bump
Josephine in her bed!
Then those Things ran about
With big bumps, jumps and kicks
And with hops and big thumps
And all kinds of bad tricks.
And I said,
'I do NOT like the way that they play!
If Inquisitor could see this,
Oh, what would she say!'
[ The two Things causing good-natured havoc in the castle, knocking over suits of armor and pulling down drapes. They make a large mess but no one is harmed - Jospehine looks surprised and annoyed at the bump but is otherwise fine. ]
Then our thug said, 'Look! Look!'
And our thug shook with fear.
‘Inquisitor's on her way home!
Do you hear?
Oh, what will she do to us?
What will she say?
Oh, she will not like it
To find us this way!'
'So DO something! fast!' said the thug.
'Do you hear!
I saw her. Inquisitor!
Inquisitor is near!
So, as fast as you can,
Think of something to do!
You will have to get rid of
Thing One and Thing Two!'
[ The thug's arm raises up, a commanding finger pointed skyward, from a broken pile of cot that completely covers her figure. ]
So, as fast as I could,
I went after my net.
And I said, 'With my net
I can get them I bet.
I bet, with my net,
I can get those Things yet!'
Then I let down my net.
It came down with a PLOP!
And I had them! At last!
Those two Things had to stop.
Then I said to the Brat,
'Now you do as I say.
You pack up those Things
Give them something to slay!'
[ The boy in the vest, showing heading off the two Things at a corner. The net is down and the Things are in it. The Brat stands a little ways off, disappointed. ]
'Oh dear!' said the Brat.
'You did not like our game...
Oh dear.
What a shame!
what a shame!
What a shame!'
Then she shut up the Things
In the box with the hook.
And the Brat went away
To sic them both on some schnook.
[ Depart Brat, stage left. ]
'That is good,' said the thug.
'She has gone away. Yes.
But Inquisitor will come.
She will find this big mess!
And this mess is so big
From the vault to the hall,
We can not pick it up.
There is no way at all!'
[ The thug finally gets out from under the cot and regards the castle with despair. The children look nervous. ]
And THEN!
Who was back in the Hold?
Why, the Brat!
'Have no fear of this mess,'
Said the Brat in the Hat.
'I always pick up all my playthings
And so...
I will show you another
Good trick that I know!'
Then we saw her pick up all the things that were down.
She picked up the cake,
And the rake, and the gown,
And the ore, and the strings,
And the silks, and the nug,
And the fan, and the hides,
And the ship, and the thug.
And she put them away.
Then she said, 'That is that.'
And then she was gone
With a tip of her hat.
[ The Brat returns with a cart filled with nugs wearing Orlesian jerkins. The nugs dash off the cart and, with the Brat, put everything back where it was. Then they are all back on the cart, exiting through the door. ]
Then Inquisitor came in
And she said to us two,
‘Did you have any fun?
Tell me. What did you do?'
And Vivi and I did not know
What to say.
Should we tell her
The things that went on there that day?
[ At the edge of the frame, just the suggestion of an Inquisition uniform. View is from just behind the Inquisitor, and shows the children looking at each other, wondering what to say. ]
Should we tell her about it?
Now, what SHOULD we do?
Well...
What would YOU do
If Inquisitor asked YOU?
~~~FIN~~~
- mousestalker aime ceci
