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[Costin_Razvan]

Gruff would be putting it lightly when talking to the other castes.

Bhelen also breaks the game of Dwarven Politics, and also gives the Dwarves a better future.

I assume you are going to kill him, either when he lashes out in the Assembly or something else. I am curios how is it alright to kill your younger brother. My qualm with killing Bhelen isn't that I like him much ( he would probably find it amusing to side with him because you like him ), but that it denies the castless and the dwarves in general a chance at a far better future. 

Though since you are fond of fools, I assume you are going to make Alistair king and kill Loghain? While I do not care about Bhelen that much, I do like Loghain a great deal.

Modifié par Costin_Razvan, 28 juin 2010 - 04:41 .

[Sarah1281]

We don't know that putting Harrowmont on the throne dooms the dwarves forever since, without the anvil, he's barely around long enough to do anything. If this leads to a new parade of uber traditionalist rulers then it might be a problem. Still, there's always little Endrin...

[Costin_Razvan]

Irrelevant Sarah. We see what happens in game and at the epilogue. Even the fact that it would take almost 2 decades or more for little Endrin to take the throne is a major setback for the Dwarven people, and that's assuming Little Endrin even takes the throne AND follows his father's plans.

To say that Harrowmont doesn't do anything bad is false. Even inaction leads to bad things, and isolates the dwarves further. There is no argument here: Bhelen is vastly superior to Harrowmont in every way.

A DN might take the throne and do the reforms Bhelen wanted to do, but that's just a big might. Assuming that a DN takes in the first place ( which is not guaranteed in the slightest ).

Modifié par Costin_Razvan, 28 juin 2010 - 04:59 .

[Raonar]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Gruff would be putting it lightly when talking to the other castes.

Bhelen also breaks the game of Dwarven Politics, and also gives the Dwarves a better future.

I assume you are going to kill him, either when he lashes out in the Assembly or something else. I am curios how is it alright to kill your younger brother. My qualm with killing Bhelen isn't that I like him much ( he would probably find it amusing to side with him because you like him ), but that it denies the castless and the dwarves in general a chance at a far better future. 

Though since you are fond of fools, I assume you are going to make Alistair king and kill Loghain? While I do not care about Bhelen that much, I do like Loghain a great deal.

Bhelen doesn't exactly break the game, everyone still wants him dead. The epilogue doesn't say what happens after he dies. Even if his Endrin succedes him, there's no guarantee what will happen.

Also, you are making assumptions again. Sarevok would be broken up, really. Who says Raonar will kill Bhelen?

And who says I have to choose between Loghain and Alistair?

To be fair, I usually conscript Loghain and make Alistair Marry Anora and refuse Morrigan in the game, then do ultimate sacrifice, or let Loghain if I want to play Awakening. But this isn't the Game. Hardcoding is not an issue here.

Maybe I should have said up front that some of the 'this or that' choices in the game will be completely circumvented or ultimately shattered. Remember: All potential wardens survive to be conscripted. Think on what that will lead to and that, ultimately, there will possibly be more than 2 wardens around at the end.

I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Until then, keep the comments coming.

EDIT:

I may be fond of fools, but Raonar is not limited by what I am fond of.

Modifié par Raonar, 28 juin 2010 - 05:33 .

[Costin_Razvan]

You are correct in a way, but I am curios how Bhelen will be cowed by his older brother. Now that will prove interesting. I find it hard to believe you can somehow not make him king and keep him alive.

Maybe I should have said up front that some of the 'this or that' choices in the game will be completely circumvented or ultimately shattered. Remember: All potential wardens survive to be conscripted. Think on what that will lead to and that, ultimately, there will possibly be more than 2 wardens around at the end.

I have put quite a great deal of thought in that matter, since I am going to do the same for my own fiction as well as other major changes...but in mine Loghain becomes a warden for various reasons ( which will be explained later on ).



I am curios to see what will happen, but do tell me now if you are going to kill Loghain or not ( it would really kill my enthusiasm to read many chapters of your fic then end up with my favorite character dead ).

I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Until then, keep the comments coming

Perhaps you can do the same thing for my fiction. I am curios to see your opinion about it since I haven't meet any author so far for Dragon Age who was willing to go AU.

[Raonar]

Added some in-game pictures of the main characters on the first post. Might add the ones of the others as i go along.

I hope I caught their characters well enough.

Modifié par Raonar, 28 juin 2010 - 08:42 .

[Sarah1281]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Irrelevant Sarah. We see what happens in game and at the epilogue. Even the fact that it would take almost 2 decades or more for little Endrin to take the throne is a major setback for the Dwarven people, and that's assuming Little Endrin even takes the throne AND follows his father's plans.

To say that Harrowmont doesn't do anything bad is false. Even inaction leads to bad things, and isolates the dwarves further. There is no argument here: Bhelen is vastly superior to Harrowmont in every way.

A DN might take the throne and do the reforms Bhelen wanted to do, but that's just a big might. Assuming that a DN takes in the first place ( which is not guaranteed in the slightest ).

All we know happens is that (w/out the Anvil) Harrowmont's ability to rule is hurt by dealing with Bhelen's rebellion, he manages to increase isolation a little, and soon dies. The isolation can be undone and unless you feel that Bhelen is the only one in all of Orzammar who can help the dwarves then there's still hope. He's not doing anything to propel them towards destruction, either, just allowing their self-destructive policies to remain in place and that's been going on for generations so it's not fair to say it's all on him.

All we know happens with Bhelen is that the Assembly is temporarily dissolved  (possibly for the duration of his reign), he retakes thaigs for the first time in generations, and the casteless are given the right to fight and get greater rights. Retaking land is a good thing but land has been won and lost over the generations so unless they can keep it and resettle it ultimately means little. The casteless used to have the right to acually work but they lost that a few generations ago so there's a huge potential for backlash after his death. Also, if a King is unpopular as the epilogue makes it clear that Bhelen is with the deshyrs then his heir won't be accepted.
 
Bhelen, as King, has the right to dissolve the Assembly in a time of war like the Paragon King Bemot did during the last Blight which is one of the reasons he's so eager to go fight darkspawn. He does not have the power to have the Assembly never come back and you can bet that, at the latest, after he dies they will reform. He can bribe/threaten/persuade people all he wants but he does need to at least vaguely work within the system and he does have a precedent. 'Temporary' measures can go on for years or even decades but eventually when the time comes to select an heir they will reform and if he isn't careful then they will undo everything and he might as well not have even bothered.

Edit: And I am SO reserving the right to go AU if I don't like how they deal with the Warden come DA2 just like how I'm going AU in regards to Awakening.

Modifié par Sarah1281, 28 juin 2010 - 08:45 .

[Raonar]

Well, going AU is, practically, what FanFiction is all about, unless you are telling the story of characters that aren't among the main ones in the game/book/manga/comic/etc.

[Sarah1281]

Raonar wrote...

Well, going AU is, practically, what FanFiction is all about, unless you are telling the story of characters that aren't among the main ones in the game/book/manga/comic/etc.

Some stories are more AU than others. There's a difference, say, in having Teagan be serious about pursuing your female Warden or having Morrigan be bisexual and, say, not killing Trian off.

[Sarah1281]

So are we ever going to find out why Raonar has white hair at...twenty-something?

Edit: It has also occured to me to worry about what will happen to Gorim since he renounced his allegiance to the Aeducans and Raonar can hardly stay in Orzammar for very long and be in keeping with the summary.

Modifié par Sarah1281, 29 juin 2010 - 04:43 .

[Raonar]

Sarah1281 wrote...

So are we ever going to find out why Raonar has white hair at...twenty-something?

Edit: It has also occured to me to worry about what will happen to Gorim since he renounced his allegiance to the Aeducans and Raonar can hardly stay in Orzammar for very long and be in keeping with the summary.

You are observant. Gorim's fate will be among the... weirdest of them all.

As for Raonar's white hair and cyan eyes at the age of 22 (well, 19 actually): It will be revealed at Ostagar. I''ll say no more than that for now.

EDIT

Started on that fifth chapter and I'm going for another twist. I am a bad, bad man...

BTW, do tell if there are any things about my writing style I should refine.

Modifié par Raonar, 29 juin 2010 - 06:25 .

[Costin_Razvan]

BTW, do tell if there are any things about my writing style I should refine.

The only thing I can say is you should really take a very deep glance at what Xandur posted Here and here. ( I know you replied to the topic already but still )

[Sarah1281]

Make sure to post when you do update in the dwarf thread or it might take me awhile to notice.

[Raonar]

Chapter 5: Worms and Serpents is now up on FF.net.

I warn you, read it all the way to the end before asking anything odd. You won't understand any of it otherwise.

EDIT

Also updated first post.

Modifié par Raonar, 30 juin 2010 - 10:36 .

[Costin_Razvan]

Ah...nothing quite like telling the nobles to shove it, isn't it?

[Sarah1281]

I do wonder how convinced Rica will be. In the game if you're a DC she tells you that she's positive the DN did it and even if he didn't then he and Trian basically deserved what they got because they were nobles and nobles are like that but here she knows that he saved her brother. I know that's a really minor question that might not even get addressed at all but I forgot to put it in my review at ff.net.

Edit: Oh, and Bhelen's guards kind of fail. Bhelen was in the process of being freaking murdered and they didn't come out. What were they waiting for? Bhelen already had his answer.

Modifié par Sarah1281, 30 juin 2010 - 11:30 .

[Raonar]

Sarah1281 wrote...

I do wonder how convinced Rica will be. In the game if you're a DC she tells you that she's positive the DN did it and even if he didn't then he and Trian basically deserved what they got because they were nobles and nobles are like that but here she knows that he saved her brother. I know that's a really minor question that might not even get addressed at all but I forgot to put it in my review at ff.net.

Edit: Oh, and Bhelen's guards kind of fail. Bhelen was in the process of being freaking murdered and they didn't come out. What were they waiting for? Bhelen already had his answer.

Ah, Bhelen knew what was going to happen and he wasn't really chocking so hard that he'd be unable to actualy scream for them to come out. He was simply very sure Raonar woudn't kill him at all.

After all, that they both were beyond the realm of measurable intelligence was something he knew just as well.

As for Rica. Well, that I'll worry about later.

And Costin_Razvan: Yes, I really wanted to tell the nobles to shove it. And it also helps start the dissolution of Bhelen's hold over the nobles, making it possible for Harrowmont to act.

Now all I have to decide is whether to turn Raonar into a Minsc by keeping the mouse as a pet.

Modifié par Raonar, 02 juillet 2010 - 07:11 .

[Sarah1281]

I liked the 'you'd think I'd get more support from my brother' line from Raonar. Nice and ironic. I am curious as to what Bhelen thinks happened. He didn't deny it or say Raonar was involved when Raonar accused him of having Trian killed so does he think that the casteless mercenaries killed Trian and Gorim and Raonar eventually managed to fight them off or they had orders not to kill him or something?

It's a little weird thinking of Harrowmont actually being capable of pulling off whatever complicated scheme Raonar has in mind but I suppose that while he wasn't enough on his own to take Bhelen down he did manage to stall him for three weeks + however long you're there when Bhelen, as you put it, pretty much owned the Assembly and that was rather impressive. He just makes a lousy King but has years worth of experience making deals and gaining alliances while Bhelen, while brilliant, is still inexperienced.

Edit: And was Bhelen onto something with his claiming Raonar was somehow involved with their mother's death (not that I think he wanted her dead or was knowingly involved) or was he just being spiteful? If the former it could explain why he took it so much harder than the rest of the family.

Modifié par Sarah1281, 01 juillet 2010 - 07:41 .

[Raonar]

Sarah1281 wrote...

I liked the 'you'd think I'd get more support from my brother' line from Raonar. Nice and ironic. I am curious as to what Bhelen thinks happened. He didn't deny it or say Raonar was involved when Raonar accused him of having Trian killed so does he think that the casteless mercenaries killed Trian and Gorim and Raonar eventually managed to fight them off or they had orders not to kill him or something?

It's a little weird thinking of Harrowmont actually being capable of pulling off whatever complicated scheme Raonar has in mind but I suppose that while he wasn't enough on his own to take Bhelen down he did manage to stall him for three weeks + however long you're there when Bhelen, as you put it, pretty much owned the Assembly and that was rather impressive. He just makes a lousy King but has years worth of experience making deals and gaining alliances while Bhelen, while brilliant, is still inexperienced.

Edit: And was Bhelen onto something with his claiming Raonar was somehow involved with their mother's death (not that I think he wanted her dead or was knowingly involved) or was he just being spiteful? If the former it could explain why he took it so much harder than the rest of the family.

That will be explained in the next chapter... sort of. Also, Harrowmont will not exactly have to carry out some scheme, Gorim will be the key factor. As it stands, Raonar already eroded Bhelen's support and we already know Harrowmont is capable of matching Bhelen's allies with his own, eventually.

As for the death of their mother, there was some spite but Bhelen didn't exactly imply Raonar had something to do with it. More like Raonar didn't exactly do anything to make her last days easyer on her and, thus, helped her die sooner. Basically, Bhelen blames him for a lot of things, though his real reasons are far deeper that what i let be seen so far.

Their relationship is very complicated.

[EDIT]

Started having wild thoughts about joining the Dragon Age Fanfiction Group. Still undecided...   I also saw that most members hadn't updated their profiles in months too.

Modifié par Raonar, 01 juillet 2010 - 11:58 .

[Raonar]

Chapter 6: An Honorable Lie is now up on FF.net.

This is more of an explanation of how the deed was done, no major twists this once.

Also, I'm still waiting on an aswer about whether I should have Raonar keep the mouse or not, maybe make him the 'mouse' in the fade later?

Or would that not go with the tone of the tale?

[Costin_Razvan]

"Falls down laughing as he read Raonar's letter to Trian."



Well done!

[Raonar]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

"Falls down laughing as he read Raonar's letter to Trian."

Well done!

Wow, you read through it already? That was fast.

And thanks

Still waiting on an answer about the mouse though.

Modifié par Raonar, 04 juillet 2010 - 02:37 .

[Costin_Razvan]

Keep it I suppose....



Meh...I get writer's block whenever I read a work of fiction which better done then mine....bleh. Can't even start my chapter 5.

[Raonar]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Keep it I suppose....

Meh...I get writer's block whenever I read a work of fiction which better done then mine....bleh. Can't even start my chapter 5.

Actually, I think your work is great, especially the way you actually seem to know a lot about battle tactics. I only too late realized that my own expedition could have gone so much smoother if I had the soldiers carry some torches.

I have to properly work on the Battle of Denerim to make up for that horrid oversight...

[Costin_Razvan]

 

Actually, I think your work is great, especially the way you actually seem to know a lot about battle tactics. I only too late realized that my own expedition could have gone so much smoother if I had the soldiers carry some torches.

I have to properly work on the Battle of Denerim to make up for that horrid oversight...  

After studying Warfare for many years of my life, especially Ancient one, I can safely say my teachers would kill me if I couldn't do combat justice....

One of the fault people make with writing battles is that they mostly focus only on the perspective of that character alone and mostly ignore the rest...

My problem is that I suck at writing dialogue....

I suggest also writing Ostagar as a real battle....maybe from Cailan's or Duncan's or maybe Loghain's perspective..."shrug." 

I could go on about Military Tactics, but honestly images work best for an author, as such I give you my Medieval 2 Campaign....

Medieval 2:KGBM.

The battle occurs at 2:45, although I will try and say as much as I can as to why I make certain tactical decisions the main point is that the battle itself gives you a vivid image of war...even better then movies really.