What's with all the Beardgasms going around?
As a student of The Beard, I too have a beard, though not as glorious as that as Duncan's or Hawke's... I have yet to learn more, but I am getting there.
The way of The Beard is a philosophy, a political theory, an economic system, a cultural phenomenon and a way of life. It entails growing a beard and basing all your life decisions on your beard. Your eating habits, your furniture arrangement, your facial hair skills... you must adapt and become The Beard, you must think like The Beard... you must BE The Beard.
Going to the local bar to woo someone? Use The Beard. Organize a political rally? Use your Beard oratory skills.
There are no alternatives; there is only The Beard.