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[maxernst]

I am enjoying this. I like the format--it reminds me (in form, not tone) of the John Updike novel S., which is all letters and transcriptions of tapes, although they're addressed to different people.



I like that you see the PC and Alistair bonding to some extent through commisseration...it surprises me how negatively a lot of people react to Alistair's expression of grief. For my HN PC, it was something that I felt would draw them together. I also was disappointed by how little you got to tell your story to your companions and how little was made of Fergus' reappearance at the end...though I understand from a programming standpoint why it was difficult to do this.

[Sandtigress]

Thank you! Yes, I picture Alistair and Amelia bonding over their shared experience of losing family as well (as does my Dalish with him). For those of you who wanted it, that short story is nearly done...I added another 600 words or so to it last night and I feel it's closing up, FINALLY.



You don't get to tell your companions much of anything in game, no matter what your origin, so it's something you just have to RP a lot. Hopefully you'll be able to see Amelia's relationship with her companions as the letters go on and get some feeling for their interactions. And as for Fergus...we'll get there. ;-)

[Sandtigress]

7 Bloomingtide

Dear Fergus,

It pains me that we did not find you in Lothering, and now I do not know where to even begin to look. Even now I write you this letter and I don't know why exactly. I have nowhere to send it and in all likelihood you are with your wife and son and our parents now. I begin to think that that is the better place to be than here, all alone. But writing to you gives me hope that one day we might see each other again, and perhaps you can see these letters, wherever it is that you are.

We are on our way to Denerim, to investigate tales of the Sacred Urn of Ashes. It is not mere whim, I assure you. Arl Eamon of Redcliffe is ill and his knights have been sent out to find Andraste's ashes to cure him. I know, it sounds a little foolish, but this entire business is mad anyways. And Andraste's ashes, brother! Imagine if we were to find them!

Alistair wishes to go to Redcliffe now, but I have convinced him that seeking the Ashes first is the best course. There is nothing we can do for Arl Eamon in our current state, and Arlessa Isolde is convinced that the power of the Ashes will be needed to save him. It will do us no harm to investigate the tales of this scholar in Denerim – if we find nothing then perhaps Eamon will have recovered by other means when we reach him. And if we do locate the Urn, then we might be able to save the Arl and thus gain his aid against the Blight.

It is truly mad, this idea that two junior Grey Wardens can stop an entire Blight. I haven't told you yet, have I? Flemeth has convinced us that it is our duty, the two of us, to gather allies to fight the darkspawn horde. Elves, mages, dwarves, and Arl Eamon if we can heal him. If we cannot, there is his son Connor or his brother that we might appeal to. But it is madness, Fergus, truly madness. I am to lead this effort and yet I do not know the first thing about being a Grey Warden and talent aside, I am no warrior. If I could, I would run to the nearest Wardens, in Orlais perhaps, and beg for their aid, but that would mean abandoning Ferelden, and I cannot do that. My sword and shield become heavier every day – I wish you were here to lift them for me. Even Teryn Loghain stands against us. This task seems more impossible each passing day.

I suppose I should not say that I am alone. My companions are a great aid in this endeavor. Alistair especially is fast becoming a close friend. He reminds me of you in many ways. Were things different and I not a noble…well, I am, and my duty to my family comes before all else, I know that.

We have two new additions to my ragtag band. I suppose I should tell you about them. Leliana I like very much. She came to us from the Lothering Chantry, and yet I suspect there is much more to her than meets the eye. You would like her, I think. On the surface she is gentle and kind, but beneath that is a cunning and graceful warrior. She intrigues me, and I wonder if she will ever trust me enough to confide her past to me.

The second addition will surprise you. Sten is a qunari warrior, sent by his people to investigate the Blight. He is a mystery to me, I admit. He seems an honorable and noble…man? I wonder if he would take offense at that, he is prickly in strange ways about being qunari. In any case, I would call him the most stoic and noble of warriors except that he accompanies us to redeem himself after slaying a number of farmers, including their children. He hardly seems capable of such an atrocious act but he denies it not, and I find that I just do not understand him at all. I can hear the worry in your voice now, but even if I do not comprehend him or his ways, I do trust him. You can fret if you like, big brother, but I do not fear coming to harm at his hands.

Fergus, I am not the same little sister that you remember. I have killed men, and not just those who overran Highever. Innocent men have died on my blade, men who were simply desperate for food and shelter and a little coin. Father always taught us that a noble's purpose was to serve and protect the common man and I believed him with all my heart. How do I reconcile that with what I have become? I am afraid he would be sorely disappointed in his daughter, that I am failing in the duty he ascribed me in becoming a Grey Warden. And I fear your disapproval as well – would you still love me, knowing what I have done? I hope you would.

Maker watch over you, brother, wherever you are. I will let you know the fruit of our endeavors as they happen.

Your sister,

Amelia

[SurelyForth]

 Fergus, I am not the same little sister that you remember. I have killed men, and not just those who overran Highever. Innocent men have died on my blade, men who were simply desperate for food and shelter and a little coin. Father always taught us that a noble's purpose was to serve and protect the common man and I believed him with all my heart. How do I reconcile that with what I have become? I am afraid he would be sorely disappointed in his daughter, that I am failing in the duty he ascribed me in becoming a Grey Warden. And I fear your disapproval as well – would you still love me, knowing what I have done? I hope you would.

This is by far the highest hurdle my HNs have to leap- the sheer number of people that they can kill in Lothering and how it becomes so clear how nothing is clear anymore. You did a wonderful job of capturing that pain and confusion.

[Sandtigress]

Thanks. I think of all the Wardens the HN would have the most trouble with that scene, perhaps followed by or tied with the mages. Both origins have the potential to be really sheltered, even if the HN has been prepared to lead. It always seemed like the Cousland lands were peaceful - the family is so happy and perfect and no one except Howe seems to have any issues with them.



I said it in PM, but a lot of the credit for this particular scene goes to a conversation I had with Sisimka ages about about her HN Aedan, back in her first story, Hero of Ferelden! How he felt dealing with the villagers in Lothering, and how he had killed people in Highever in Howe's attack but it kind of wasn't a memorable event.



And Amelia is the sensitive type anyways - I think she takes after her mom a lot. She's capable of being a warrior, but her heart's just not in it. She wants to be lady of a Keep and part of a family and to only fight when she needs to, so all of this is very difficult for her.

[Sarah1281]

You know, I never thought of someone having problems with killing the refugees in Lothering. My first reaction was actually to get pissed at them for their short-sightedness. They know that the darkspawn are going to swallow up Lothering, they know you're a GW, most people believe that GW rae necessary for dealing with Blights even if they're obsolete in modern times if they don't believe there is a Blight (which these people would), and they outright tell you they don't care if you're really guilty of treason. They would doom all of Fereldne to the same fate Lothering had because they're HUNGRY?!?! No sympathy for them. It's always interesting to see another perspective, though, and I could see where a 'take care of the people' HN would have problems with that even if they have no other option but to kill the refugees or die themselves.

[sylvanaerie]

I try to avoid the encounter. I might go through with it next time for the dramatic value. Damn Sandi. These letters made me tear up. Absolutely wonderful how you have gotten into the character's head! I love 'em!

[Sandtigress]

I think it's an overstatement in Ferelden, at least, to think that the Grey Wardens are necessary, especially post-Ostagar with Loghain spreading rumors about how the Wardens killed the king. People know the Wardens used to fight the darkspawn, but there is an obvious disconnect in Loghain's at the very least over the difference between usefulness and the necessity of Grey Wardens.

And you're right, their actions are really shortsighted, but that, I think, would make it harder for an HN like Amelia to deal with it. They're going to lose their lives over a few coins that she would probably gladly give them if she had them. It's a stupid waste of a life, and it's her fault, in a way, for being there and for giving them the opportunity and not finding a way to get out of the situation.

Of course it isn't her fault, but she's been taught to take responsibility for what goes on around her, because as a noble she would be ruling lands and seeing to those peoples' needs. It's an ugly situation all around, I think.

[Sandtigress]

sylvanaerie wrote...

I try to avoid the encounter. I might go through with it next time for the dramatic value. Damn Sandi. These letters made me tear up. Absolutely wonderful how you have gotten into the character's head! I love 'em!

Aww, well thanks!  Amelia's been in my head for awhile, but I didn't want to just write her story like normal, felt like it was too  much a rehash of what's been done.  And then the idea of letters to her brother popped in my head and my muse won't let go of it!  I find I like telling her story in this way, so I'm glad you're enjoying reading them!

[Sandtigress]

10 Justinian

Dear Fergus,

The world has been turned upside down again, as it has many times since that night in Highever.  I do not know if I am upside down or rightside up anymore.  I would give anything to have you here to talk to.  Maybe this letter will suffice.

We have a new traveling companion, a mage from the Tower named Wynne.  She is a wise and gentle woman – she reminds me a bit of Nan, when she wasn't busy nagging us.  We visited Lake Calenhad on advice from Brother Genetivi's man – he is the scholar who thought he knew where the Urn of Sacred Ashes is located.  The Brother himself has disappeared though.  It seems his man's information was…misleading.  We met an ambush there instead, and the innkeeper there says that this is not the first time.  More blood upon my blade, but I cannot bring myself to regret their deaths.  Am I justified, because they attacked us and others first?  Or am I simply becoming callous?  I wish I knew.

We went to speak to the mages while we were there - it seemed the sensible thing to do.  It should have been an easy task – ask for aid, show the treaties.  Instead, we found only more chaos.  The Tower had been overrun by abominations, it was the Chantry's worst nightmare.  Yet I could not help but find myself sympathetic to the mages' plight.  They did not ask for their powers, or to be locked away in a tower.  Perhaps it is because I find myself possessed of strange abilities that I did not ask for…but those are Warden secrets that I should not reveal, not even to you.

My companions and I cleared the Tower of abominations – yes, I, your gentle sister, have faced against abominations and survived, and I have conquered demons and more and lived to tell the tale. You would find it a grand adventure, I am sure. In return, the First Enchanter has agreed to give us what aid he can against the Blight, and Wynne now travels with us.

She and I have talked, about being a Grey Warden amongst other things.  She asks me what it means to me to be a Warden, and I have no answer for her.  It is not something that I wanted for myself, nor something I would have ever chosen.  I spent so long being angry about it and resenting that it has been forced upon me, but now…Wynne says that being a Grey Warden is about service, to all peoples no matter their rank or race.  That is not so different from the nobility, not as Father taught us to see it at least.  And the darkspawn are a terrible force, I have seen it with my own eyes, the atrocities that they commit.  If it is now my duty to serve in a different manner, as a Grey Warden instead of as a Cousland…perhaps it is not so bad a fate.

Her words echo in my mind.  "You are a guardian of men.  And you guard them because their continued existence is more important than you are."  It sounds like something Father might have said. And I find that I am drawn to that thought.  I know that could I have died in your stead, or Father's or Mother's that I would have done so gladly, without a second thought.  Perhaps now I have been given a chance to save many, by my life or my death.  Is it okay, Fergus, to give up being a noble in order to serve in another way?  Father said being a Warden was the greatest honor, but what higher honor could there be for me than to be a Cousland, to name myself my father's daughter and my brother's sister?

Wynne tells me that I need not forget where I have come from, but can one be a Grey Warden and still perform the duties of a noblewoman?   It is up to me to reclaim Highever, to reclaim the family name and yet I have no name left to claim.

I am confused, brother.  More than confused.  And I miss you, very much.  You are never far from my thoughts.

Ever yours,

Amelia

Modifié par Sandtigress, 03 août 2010 - 02:15 .

[Sandtigress]

And for those of you who wanted to be the "fly on the wall" for the 1 Bloomingtide letter where Alistair caught Amelia crying in camp...I finished the short story, just for you guys!  (Seriously, it's been sitting on my laptop since March..)

So you can find it here on ff.net - Shared Grief

And if for some reason you can't use the link, let me know and I'll get it to you another way!

[Meyne]

When she mentions being rude to Duncan about it all I thought about Duncan's own back-story in "The Calling." Gave me a sad smile.

[Sandtigress]

Meyne wrote...

When she mentions being rude to Duncan about it all I thought about Duncan's own back-story in "The Calling." Gave me a sad smile.

It is a bit ironic, isn't it?  And of course Duncan more than anyone would probably understand her right at the moment and not take it personally, but she doesn't know that.

Thank you for reading!

[Sandtigress]

14 Solace

Oh Fergus, you would not believe it if I told you, but I will tell you anyways. We have found it, the Urn of Sacred Ashes. Yes, I am serious, we have truly found its resting place, and the guardian has given us a small amount of ashes with which to save Arl Eamon. I can hardly believe that we have succeeded, but I hold the evidence in my hand even as I write you this.

The path to the Ashes was anything but straightforward though. The town of Haven is…strange and twisted, in many ways. Was it worth the discovery of a holy artifact when the journey there was covered with the blood of villagers who were living the only life they have known? This seems to be a question I encounter often on this journey and the answer remains beyond me. What we did, we did to help Arl Eamon and to combat the Blight, but I compare our actions to that of Howe and...I do not like it.

But that was not the most difficult encounter on the way to the Ashes, not them or cultists or even dragons. I saw Father, Fergus, and it nearly broke my heart. You think I am mad, I am sure. It was not truly Father, I know, but a shade that assumed his likeness, though it made little difference. I was prepared to be condemned – I have condemned myself often enough. But he forgave me, released me from the guilt I have carried for so long, since that day in Highever. I could hear the pride and the love in his voice…Fergus, how can he love me still after all I have done and failed to do?

He gave me a pendant, and in it I sometimes catch a glimpse of him, and of Mother, loving and proud and all those things I remember about them. I see Oriana and Oren, Nan and Mother Mallol, and Ser Gilmore even, sometimes, but I do not see you. What does that mean? Should I take that as reason to hope that you live, or as confirmation of my worst fears, that my beloved brother finds fault that he cannot forgive in me? My thoughts swing from light to dark and back again.

And there are more reasons for me to wish for my elder brother back. I have told you of my fellow Grey Warden before, Alistair. And I have denied the possibility of anything between us, but oh Fergus. He gave me a present last night, a small thing, a rose that he picked in Lothering. It feels so long ago, but it is still beautiful. I have had suitors before, you know. Thomas Howe and Dairren Loren and other noblemen, and they have gifted me with far richer things even just as trinkets, but this is different somehow. He says that it reminds him of me, something "beautiful in a place of despair and ugliness" he said. He thinks of me as beautiful, calls me rare and wonderful and…Fergus, it stirs my heart in a way that I do not understand.

Even though you would tease me mercilessly, brother, I wish you were here so that I could ask you about love and courtship and what you thought of him. I think he is a good man, brave and loyal and strong and kind, and yet shy and silly and charming, all at once. I do not know where to go from here. Are Grey Wardens allowed to love? And yet who is to forbid us, alone as we are in this venture? Is it fair to take our minds away from the Blight for the sake of our feelings, if there are even real feelings there, or is it more imperative that we live in the now since there may not be a tomorrow?

It is not the flattery that confuses me so – Zevran is far more prolific and outrageous with his compliments and yet he does not stir such emotion. But I have not yet told you of my elven companion, the assassin, have I? It is a letter for another time, I think, though now I have given you cause for alarm again. Would it suffice to say that Alistair watches him suspiciously and would let no harm befall me at his hands? And see how my heart trembles yet again, that I might inspire such protectiveness in a man.

There are so many questions and so few answers. If ever I needed my big brother, it is now. If only I knew where to find you. Everything would be so much better if you were here, but I know wishes do little to change reality.

But for now, as always, you have all my love,

Your Amelia

[Khalara]

(romantic sigh)<3

[jenncgf]

Yay, another good chapter!

[Sandtigress]

Khalara wrote...

(romantic sigh)<3

lol Yeah...that's kind of how I feel too.  :wub:


jenn- thanks!

[Sarah1281]

Sandtigress wrote...



We have a new traveling companion, a mage from the Tower named Wynne. She is a wise and gentle woman

I really shouldn't find this as hysterical as I do but every time I try to picture Wynne as wise...I just can't see it. Once I got over that part, I did very much enjoy the rest of the letter.

[Norskatt]

Khalara wrote...

(romantic sigh)<3

I second that sigh..ahhhh   

[Sandtigress]

Sarah1281 wrote...

Sandtigress wrote...

We have a new traveling companion, a mage from the Tower named Wynne. She is a wise and gentle woman

I really shouldn't find this as hysterical as I do but every time I try to picture Wynne as wise...I just can't see it. Once I got over that part, I did very much enjoy the rest of the letter.

Amelia was an early playthrough, and she really got into Wynne's role as mentor/guide/grandmother/mother what have you.  When I played her, I was really surprised how much the little talk about what being a Grey Warden was about affected her/me.  It's like how Duncan affected my DCF in a different way than any other playthrough, she and Wynne just really got along for some reason.

Wynne was very much a mentor to her, more so than any of my other playthroughs.  Sometimes they really do just take on a life of their own.  *shrugs* 

[Sandtigress]

Norskatt wrote...

Khalara wrote...

(romantic sigh)<3

I second that sigh..ahhhh   

Hee hee, thanks!    I'm liking all these sighs!

[MelRedux]

I wonder if Amelia knows of all the tent time in her future....

[Sandtigress]

Mel_Redux wrote...

I wonder if Amelia knows of all the tent time in her future....

We'll have to wait and see, won't we? 

[Lynn01]

I absolutely love your letters!

Well done on them

[Sandtigress]

Lynn01 wrote...

I absolutely love your letters!
Well done on them

Thank you!