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[Sandtigress]

Fergus, oh Fergus…why do things always fall apart when they seem to be going right? I have finally come to terms with my role as a Grey Warden, one who could be with the man I chose and now he is a prince, my Alistair is a prince! But I should not refer to him as such, there is no way that he can ever be mine, not now. A titleless woman has no place on the throne, not even when noble blood still flows in her veins. I should start at the beginning though, lest I confuse you further.

We arrived in Redcliffe several days ago to find the town and castle in shambles, and evil creatures attacking in the night. I am beginning to think that no step on this journey will be a simple one. Bann Teagan asked us for help – Mother was right, he is handsome and charming, and were things different, perhaps I would have encouraged the match. But now…alas, I digress.

We beat back the beasts and found our way into the castle proper. We discovered a nightmare within – Connor, the Arl's son, was possessed of a demon. This news must stay between us, brother. I do not wish the scandal upon the Arl's family that this news would cause. I don't know if we can keep it secret, but I would prefer it not be me that spread the word. It can only be hidden in the first place through the Maker's own blessing – we were able to enlist the aid of the Circle of Magi, which was only too happy to help after we prevented their annulment. Connor will have to go to the Circle for training, but at least he is alive, free, and as sane as can be expected.

After Connor's rescue, we went to Arl Eamon's bedside and Fergus, it is truly a miracle, Andraste's ashes were able to heal him, when no magic or herb could. He is well again, and has recovered more quickly than we could have hoped. He has agreed to work with us against Loghain to unite Ferelden against the Blight. So how then amidst all this good news can I be so desperately unhappy?

Though we have come to know one another well these past few months, it seems Alistair has managed to keep a secret from me. Perhaps "keep from me" is too strong a statement, he was afraid to tell me, and then I stopped him when he mustered the courage to try. Fergus, he is the bastard son of King Maric himself, half-brother to King Cailan and thus heir to the throne. I am not so naïve as to think that his illegitimate birth will keep him from the throne, not an heir to Calenhad who bears Theirin blood in his veins. Arl Eamon knows this too – it is his plan to put forth Alistair for the throne and thus unite the people behind him. And he will succeed. Alistair is untried and unsure, but he has presence and charm, like King Maric his father. The Landsmeet will approve him and put him on the throne, and I cannot follow him. Alistair insists otherwise, but I know better.

Fergus, is this what a broken heart feels like? It makes no sense to be so upset over it all – there is so little, and yet so much, said between us. I am sure of his intentions, but how can I encourage them when I know there can be no happy ending for us? Maybe before, when I was Amelia Cousland, I could have imagined myself upon the throne. But I am that woman no longer, only Amelia the Grey Warden, a nobody to the Landsmeet despite my former self. Still I do not know if I am strong enough to say no when I care for him the way that I do.

Pray for me, brother, wherever you are. I will need it, as I need you.

Yours,

Amelia

[Yankee23]

I really can't tell you how much I love these. Thank you for writing them and thank you for Shared Grief.

[Sandtigress]

Thanks, I am glad you are enjoying them!  You can thank Mel_Redux and mousestalker for getting me to finish Shared Grief, I never thought I would!

[Sarah1281]

Well, I can honestly say I've never seen any HNF reacting to Alistair's parentage by feeling that they aren't good enough for him. Is it because Howe has Highever? She or Fergus will hopefully get that back at some point. Is it the GW thing? That's not stopping Alistair from being poised to take the throne. If it's just the face she's not a bann/arlessa/teyrna...Anora wasn't any of those and she married Cailan. I'm not really getting the source of her concerns here.

Modifié par Sarah1281, 06 août 2010 - 07:45 .

[Yankee23]

Sarah1281 wrote...

Well, I can honestly say I've never seen any HNF reacting to Alistair's parentage by feeling that they aren't good enough for him. Is it because Howe has Highever? She or Fergus will hopefully get that back at some point. Is it the GW thing? That's not stopping Alistair from being poised to take the throne. If it's just the face she's not a bann/arlessa/teyrna...Anora wasn't any of those and she married Cailan. I'm not really getting the source of her concerns here.

I get your point Sarah, when finding out that Alistair is a prince and may become king my HNFs are all well I am a tyrn's daughter and of noble blood - who better to rule with him? 

But I took it more as she has or is starting to let go of her former life as a noble and the restrictions that came with it. She opens herself to the possibility of a relationship with Alistair and considers herself a grey warden with no connection to her former life/self/family. Now that she finds out he is a prince she feels the landsmeet/nobles will only see her as a grey warden (just as she as convinced herself of this). Without getting into the Anora can stay queen discussion, especially at this point in the letters, for Alistair, it is a thing of duty with Ferelden needing a ruler and he the last of the royal line. I am hoping it is just insecurities brought on by everything that she has had to deal with so quickly and that she gets over it by the landsmeet.

[Sandtigress]

Yankee23 wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

Well, I can honestly say I've never seen any HNF reacting to Alistair's parentage by feeling that they aren't good enough for him. Is it because Howe has Highever? She or Fergus will hopefully get that back at some point. Is it the GW thing? That's not stopping Alistair from being poised to take the throne. If it's just the face she's not a bann/arlessa/teyrna...Anora wasn't any of those and she married Cailan. I'm not really getting the source of her concerns here.

I get your point Sarah, when finding out that Alistair is a prince and may become king my HNFs are all well I am a tyrn's daughter and of noble blood - who better to rule with him? 

But I took it more as she has or is starting to let go of her former life as a noble and the restrictions that came with it. She opens herself to the possibility of a relationship with Alistair and considers herself a grey warden with no connection to her former life/self/family. Now that she finds out he is a prince she feels the landsmeet/nobles will only see her as a grey warden (just as she as convinced herself of this). Without getting into the Anora can stay queen discussion, especially at this point in the letters, for Alistair, it is a thing of duty with Ferelden needing a ruler and he the last of the royal line. I am hoping it is just insecurities brought on by everything that she has had to deal with so quickly and that she gets over it by the landsmeet.

You're exactly right - Amelia is drawing lines between being a Grey Warden and a noble.  At least at this point, she sees it as possible ot be one or the other but not both - Alistair being the extreme exception to the rule precisely because he is the last of the royal bloodline, not just any noble.  Because he is a Theirin, she expects the Landsmeet to "forgive" his lack of nobility and instate him anyways, but she doubts that that would apply to her as well given that Highever could easily pass on to another family without causing too much of an uproar.

As far as Anora is concerned, she may not have a title of her own, but she is the heir to the teyrnir of Gwaren - that puts her on pretty level footing with Amelia pre-Blight.  Her father was raised to nobility and she herself is a noble, first generation.

Besides, at this point, that's meta-gaming.  What Amelia knows is that Loghain is regent and they need someone to oppose his regency.  Alistair is the best choice for that opposition, being the bastard son of King Maric and thus part of the bloodline.  Amelia has every expectation that the Landsmeet will confirm his position with little quarrel over Loghain - she doesn't think his position is very strong, when compared to a Theirin for the throne.  Anora's role in all this is yet to be determined - it's Loghain whose the problem.

As to whether Amelia will get over her insecurities in time for the Landsmeet....we will have to see, won't we? 

[Sandtigress]

24 August

Dearest Fergus,

It has been some time since I have written you – for that I apologize. We have been wandering the Brecilian forest, in search of the Dalish. There was word of a clan in the area, and you know I have long had a fascination with the Dalish. It seems though that the romance does not live up to the reality.

They are…well, stand-offish would be quite the understatement. Outright hostile might be more appropriate, but they are our allies, so I should not say such things. I suppose I should have expected it, really, given how elves have been treated by humans throughout their history. They have more than enough reason to be wary of us, even with an elf in the party. Zevran is quite the opposite of a Dalish though, he probably inspires little confidence in them. But I have not told you much of my elven companion, have I?

Zevran is, was, an assassin sent by Teyrn Loghain to eliminate the last Wardens in Ferelden. It is hard to believe that the Hero of River Dane has fallen so low…but I am sure that is not what you are concerned about right now. Zevran was an Antivan Crow, and since you spent time in Antiva, I am sure you know of the Crows. His attempt failed, obviously. I do not know exactly what caused me to spare his life – Alistair most certainly did not approve. But there is something about him that stopped my blade, and he has since become a valued traveling companion, and yes, maybe even a friend.

Perhaps I am being naïve, but he swore to me his loyalty, and I believe him to be a man, an elf, of his word. Certainly he has done nothing to go against his pledge in the month he has traveled with us, though Alistair continues to watch him carefully. And a bit jealously, I think, though I am trying hard to put distance between us. Alistair maybe sees cause, to call Zevran a flirt would be a great understatement – he is quite free about expressing and requesting affections. I have caught him throwing compliments at Wynne even, and she is much more the grandmotherly type. I am never quite sure when he is serious, and when he is deflecting with humor. Like many of my companions I think there is more to him than meets the eye.

But I was telling you about the Dalish. As always seems to be the case, there was trouble to be solved before we could gain our allies, treaties not withstanding. This time, it was werewolves. Yes, like the stories Nan sometimes told us. It seems this one, at least, was real. I can only hope that tales of the Ferelden toe nibblers do not also turn out to be true.

In the end, it seems the Dalish were responsible for their own plight, or at least one was. Their leader – they call them Keepers – Zathrian, long ago began this curse to punish the humans who had taken his children. It was a sad story, and while I cannot blame him for his anger, his vengeance went too far. It makes me think, Fergus, of the hatred I hold against Howe still for what he did to us, to you. It is not unreasonable, is it, to hate someone who took away everything you cared about? But I fear becoming like Zathrian, so eaten up by hatred that I hurt those that I care about and so blinded by rage that I cannot even see it. The thought haunts me at night – I do not want to become a monster, Fergus, one within rather than without like the werewolves.

Of all my companions, I think perhaps Alistair would understand the most – he blames Teyrn Loghain still for the events of Ostagar, and he is not wrong. He does not talk about it, any more than I do about Howe, but I see how it gnaws at him. I would talk to him but I fear his nearness as much as I crave it, as much as I fear the monster that is growing within me, maybe within us both.

But I have turned to depressing talk again, as I always seem to. Perhaps one day I can write to you of happier things again. I will wait eagerly for that day, and the day that I might see you again.

Until then I remain yours,

Amelia

[SurelyForth]

PS. I still want to be Dalish, even if Sarel is an ass.



Nice letter and nice transition from Zathrian to her personal concerns over Howe.

[Sandtigress]

SurelyForth wrote...

PS. I still want to be Dalish, even if Sarel is an ass.

Nice letter and nice transition from Zathrian to her personal concerns over Howe.

lol So my attempts to convert you were successful?  Ron and Kara will be thrilled!!  (One of us, one of us, one of us)

As I said to a few of the ff.net reviewers, Zathrian always seems to be a turning point for my Wardens where vengeance is concerned.  It's vengeance taken to it's most extreme and it seems like a lot of my Wardens decide it's not worth the cost to hang on so tightly to their hatred.  He even got my "vengeance is mine" CEF, which was kind of annoying.    Alistair ended up married to Eyelashes while Loghain joined the Wardens because of that...

Not that I'm saying that's going to happen to Amelia, of course. 

[Meyne]

Sandtigress wrote...

Yankee23 wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

Well, I can honestly say I've never seen any HNF reacting to Alistair's parentage by feeling that they aren't good enough for him. Is it because Howe has Highever? She or Fergus will hopefully get that back at some point. Is it the GW thing? That's not stopping Alistair from being poised to take the throne. If it's just the face she's not a bann/arlessa/teyrna...Anora wasn't any of those and she married Cailan. I'm not really getting the source of her concerns here.

I get your point Sarah, when finding out that Alistair is a prince and may become king my HNFs are all well I am a tyrn's daughter and of noble blood - who better to rule with him? 

But I took it more as she has or is starting to let go of her former life as a noble and the restrictions that came with it. She opens herself to the possibility of a relationship with Alistair and considers herself a grey warden with no connection to her former life/self/family. Now that she finds out he is a prince she feels the landsmeet/nobles will only see her as a grey warden (just as she as convinced herself of this). Without getting into the Anora can stay queen discussion, especially at this point in the letters, for Alistair, it is a thing of duty with Ferelden needing a ruler and he the last of the royal line. I am hoping it is just insecurities brought on by everything that she has had to deal with so quickly and that she gets over it by the landsmeet.

You're exactly right - Amelia is drawing lines between being a Grey Warden and a noble.  At least at this point, she sees it as possible ot be one or the other but not both - Alistair being the extreme exception to the rule precisely because he is the last of the royal bloodline, not just any noble.  Because he is a Theirin, she expects the Landsmeet to "forgive" his lack of nobility and instate him anyways, but she doubts that that would apply to her as well given that Highever could easily pass on to another family without causing too much of an uproar.

As far as Anora is concerned, she may not have a title of her own, but she is the heir to the teyrnir of Gwaren - that puts her on pretty level footing with Amelia pre-Blight.  Her father was raised to nobility and she herself is a noble, first generation.

Makes sense.  While other things for Duncan's past in the codex on him is quite different than what is read in The Calling novel, it mentions in there: "
Like many others, Duncan gave up his family name when he joined the ranks of the Wardens: a symbolic gesture of cutting ties."

Seems quite normal then for a Gray Warden to throw aside everything to focus on their new duty and shortened, difficult life.  A King could be made an exception for, if times are dire enough, but a Teyrn's daughter, one who may find herself dying to stop this Blight or somehow sent away or kept separate for the Order if she survives, one she barely knows her duties for in times other than Blights?  I could see the conflict inside.

[maxernst]

I agree with that--in fact, that was one of the reasons I chose to put Anora on the throne. I think there are potential conflicts of interest between being King and being a Grey Warden. Similarly, if Anora were a Revered Mother of the Chantry, I'd be hesitant to make her Queen. In either case, there's somebody outside Ferelden who potentially wields authority over the monarch.



To me, it seems that Alistair's in the same boat she is--if she's left being a Cousland behind, it seems to me that he has also a Warden, not a Thierin. As far as the Cousland's nobility, Cailen did promise in front of witnesses that Highever would be returned to your family.

[Sarah1281]

I think there are potential conflicts of interest between being King and being a Grey Warden.

You mean if Weisshaupt ordered him to do something not in Ferelden's best interest? I rather think he'd resign from active duty and know better than to mindlessly follow GW orders when he has more pressing responsibilities, especially as we know he already is willing to remove himself from being a Warden that can be ordered about if Loghain lives.

[maxernst]

Sarah1281 wrote...

I think there are potential conflicts of interest between being King and being a Grey Warden.

You mean if Weisshaupt ordered him to do something not in Ferelden's best interest? I rather think he'd resign from active duty and know better than to mindlessly follow GW orders when he has more pressing responsibilities, especially as we know he already is willing to remove himself from being a Warden that can be ordered about if Loghain lives.

That may be true in practice, but I think there is still going to be a perception abroad that Ferelden is an ally of Anderfels.  And within Ferelden, Anora can give Amaranthine to the Wardens without raising any concerns, but if Alistair does it, it could be perceived as favoritism to his order.  Any decisions he makes that are related to the Wardens or Anderfels will be scrutinized more closely, regardless of whether his being a Warden influences him or not.

[Sarah1281]

maxernst wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

I think there are potential conflicts of interest between being King and being a Grey Warden.

You mean if Weisshaupt ordered him to do something not in Ferelden's best interest? I rather think he'd resign from active duty and know better than to mindlessly follow GW orders when he has more pressing responsibilities, especially as we know he already is willing to remove himself from being a Warden that can be ordered about if Loghain lives.

That may be true in practice, but I think there is still going to be a perception abroad that Ferelden is an ally of Anderfels.  And within Ferelden, Anora can give Amaranthine to the Wardens without raising any concerns, but if Alistair does it, it could be perceived as favoritism to his order.  Any decisions he makes that are related to the Wardens or Anderfels will be scrutinized more closely, regardless of whether his being a Warden influences him or not.

Like the worry that Kennedy would be taking orders from the Pope when he became President? Completely ridiculous but it worried people nonetheless? 

[maxernst]

Sarah1281 wrote...

] Like the worry that Kennedy would be taking orders from the Pope when he became President? Completely ridiculous but it worried people nonetheless? 

Sure.  Exactly that sort of worry kept Catholics out of the White House for nearly two hundred years.

Edited to add: sorry to derail your thread on this side issue.  I'm enjoying your story.  It's kind of inspired me...I'm thinking of doing a series of diary entries written by Morrigan--doubtless pouring scorn on my witless PC falling for that Templar oaf.

Modifié par maxernst, 06 août 2010 - 09:27 .

[Meyne]

Sarah1281 wrote...

maxernst wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

I think there are potential conflicts of interest between being King and being a Grey Warden.

You mean if Weisshaupt ordered him to do something not in Ferelden's best interest? I rather think he'd resign from active duty and know better than to mindlessly follow GW orders when he has more pressing responsibilities, especially as we know he already is willing to remove himself from being a Warden that can be ordered about if Loghain lives.

That may be true in practice, but I think there is still going to be a perception abroad that Ferelden is an ally of Anderfels.  And within Ferelden, Anora can give Amaranthine to the Wardens without raising any concerns, but if Alistair does it, it could be perceived as favoritism to his order.  Any decisions he makes that are related to the Wardens or Anderfels will be scrutinized more closely, regardless of whether his being a Warden influences him or not.

Like the worry that Kennedy would be taking orders from the Pope when he became President? Completely ridiculous but it worried people nonetheless? 

Well, seeing how Loghain makes a huge deal at Landsmeet about you trying to put your own "puppet" in (he's thinking Orlais, but could easily twist it to whatever he needed if he felt the ends justified the means), it could be a very real worry - discrediting Loghain helps, but there is still a Queen already on the throne (luckily, she sides with you completely).  I could see that the Banns would be somewhat divided, at least individually, on the Alistair issue - like Eamon said, none want the bloodline to die just when they got the throne back, but this is also a bastard son and someone involved with a greater organization which has appeared to play politics in the past in Ferelden (the story around Warden's Keep).

But given how the rallying speeches toward the end go and how Ferelden sees martial prowess and rise in status as a good individual strength, it's just insecurities here of someone that has had their duties change a lot in a short time.  Seeing a new issue crop up just compounds it - she could finally let go and say, "It's ok to find a little happiness here," but now there's a new element to consider: he may be required to rule and where that leaves her is anyone's guess.

Modifié par Meyne, 07 août 2010 - 12:51 .

[Sandtigress]

Haha, no apologies, it's fun that it's started a bit of a debate. It means people care enough to talk about it, right? Right? :-P



And maxernst, if you're inspired, go with it! The letters idea just came to me one evening and wouldn't let go of me, and the next day I was writing them. Morrigan's journal could be a very interesting perspective!

[maxernst]

Meyne wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

maxernst wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

I think there are potential conflicts of interest between being King and being a Grey Warden.

You mean if Weisshaupt ordered him to do something not in Ferelden's best interest? I rather think he'd resign from active duty and know better than to mindlessly follow GW orders when he has more pressing responsibilities, especially as we know he already is willing to remove himself from being a Warden that can be ordered about if Loghain lives.

That may be true in practice, but I think there is still going to be a perception abroad that Ferelden is an ally of Anderfels.  And within Ferelden, Anora can give Amaranthine to the Wardens without raising any concerns, but if Alistair does it, it could be perceived as favoritism to his order.  Any decisions he makes that are related to the Wardens or Anderfels will be scrutinized more closely, regardless of whether his being a Warden influences him or not.

Like the worry that Kennedy would be taking orders from the Pope when he became President? Completely ridiculous but it worried people nonetheless? 

Well, seeing how Loghain makes a huge deal at Landsmeet about you trying to put your own "puppet" in (he's thinking Orlais, but could easily twist it to whatever he needed if he felt the ends justified the means), it could be a very real worry - discrediting Loghain helps, but there is still a Queen already on the throne (luckily, she sides with you completely). 

Yes, when Loghain said "And here comes the puppeteer...I really cringed.  The last thing I wanted was to be seen as a powerhungry Kingmaker...that one line did a lot to push me toward making Anora queen.

[Sarah1281]

Yes, when Loghain said "And here comes the puppeteer...I really cringed. The last thing I wanted was to be seen as a powerhungry Kingmaker...that one line did a lot to push me toward making Anora queen.

You know, that might have been Loghain's intention: in the event that he lost you'd feel pressured to keep Anora on the throne.

Edit: Of course, my Warden had a throne of her own she was planning on obtaining later so why let something like that force her hand? The 'keep Wardens out of politics' always came off as more of a suggestions anyway. Yes, the order should be apolitical. Individual Wardens who aren't active with the order anymore? That's a whole different matter.

Modifié par Sarah1281, 07 août 2010 - 02:58 .

[maxernst]

Sarah1281 wrote...

Yes, when Loghain said "And here comes the puppeteer...I really cringed. The last thing I wanted was to be seen as a powerhungry Kingmaker...that one line did a lot to push me toward making Anora queen.

You know, that might have been Loghain's intention: in the event that he lost you'd feel pressured to keep Anora on the throne.

Edit: Of course, my Warden had a throne of her own she was planning on obtaining later so why let something like that force her hand? The 'keep Wardens out of politics' always came off as more of a suggestions anyway. Yes, the order should be apolitical. Individual Wardens who aren't active with the order anymore? That's a whole different matter.

Well, perhaps, but Alistair only becomes inactive with the order if he's hardened and you spare Loghain, in which case Anora is more likely to favor you than he is, so you don't really appear to gain influence by putting him on the throne.  If you don't spare Loghain, Alistair is Warden and King, and his best friend/girlfriend is the only other Warden in Ferelden.  That places the entire order in Ferelden in positions of great power after the Blight (unless you let Alistair die killing the Archdemon).

[Sarah1281]

maxernst wrote...

Sarah1281 wrote...

Yes, when Loghain said "And here comes the puppeteer...I really cringed. The last thing I wanted was to be seen as a powerhungry Kingmaker...that one line did a lot to push me toward making Anora queen.

You know, that might have been Loghain's intention: in the event that he lost you'd feel pressured to keep Anora on the throne.

Edit: Of course, my Warden had a throne of her own she was planning on obtaining later so why let something like that force her hand? The 'keep Wardens out of politics' always came off as more of a suggestions anyway. Yes, the order should be apolitical. Individual Wardens who aren't active with the order anymore? That's a whole different matter.

Well, perhaps, but Alistair only becomes inactive with the order if he's hardened and you spare Loghain, in which case Anora is more likely to favor you than he is, so you don't really appear to gain influence by putting him on the throne.  If you don't spare Loghain, Alistair is Warden and King, and his best friend/girlfriend is the only other Warden in Ferelden.  That places the entire order in Ferelden in positions of great power after the Blight (unless you let Alistair die killing the Archdemon).

Hardly the entire order: Orlesians come in to help rebuild the Ferelden Wardens and Awakening finishes that off soon enough. I never every under any circumstances ever stay with the order anyway, it's a pretty basic political move to make it clear Alistair won't be taking orders from Orlais or Weisshaupt by announcing he's no longer active (and, as King, he's really not and those epilogues saying he ran off to Weisshaupt and left the throne unattended the minute they called for him are huge wall-bangers), and it's really not that big of a deal if some people suspect favoritism. It's not like they rebel over it or refuse to acknowledge Alistair as King because you happen to know him better and he helped end the Blight.

[Sandtigress]

Dearest Fergus,

I am no longer sure what day it is. We have been underground in the Deep Roads for an eternity, it seems, and here there is no day and night. There is only fighting and fleeing and fighting again – the darkspawn are all around, and they are not the only threat. There are many strange creatures here, and I am sure you would be simply fascinated.

We are here chasing ghosts, brother. The dwarves have sent us on one foolish errand after another in pursuit of this final treaty. We have cleared thaigs (they are something like city-states, perhaps?) and criminal hideouts, and still it was not enough. I know that we are being played for fools, but the dwarves would be a great aid against the Blight, being on the frontlines of war against the darkspawn as they are.

The latest task is to find some living dwarven legend, a Paragon, they call her. Her name is Branka, and she took her entire house into the Deep Roads in pursuit of something they call the Anvil of the Void. It was used to create golems in the past but has been lost for many years. Well, I say her entire house, but that is not entirely true. One member remains, her husband, a warrior by the name of Oghren.

I suppose you have guessed by now that Oghren travels with us. I do seem to have collected a most motley crew, have I not? He met us at the entrance to the Deep Roads and refused to leave once he learned that we sought his wife. It seemed the wise thing to do, bring a dwarf with us to the Deep Roads and a renowned warrior at that. But Oghren is…not that simple. As if any of my companions are.

I think you would like him. Oghren is all bawdy songs and drunkenness and crude jokes on the surface, and he is indeed a fearsome warrior when the darkspawn strike. Underneath that? Sometimes I think there is nothing underneath. Other days I see something more familiar, a frustration that life is not the way that it ought to be, and perhaps a woundedness that he tries to hide. He hides it well though.

We have pulled together, all of us, here in the darkness, despite our differences. Even Sten and Morrigan, the two most distant of my companions, seem closer now. We are so isolated here in the earth, and it often seems as if nothing else exists, that the world above us is what is make-believe and this is the only reality.

At the same time, I am glad for the reminders that there is something else. Dwarven society is so different from our own, Fergus. The nobles play their games in the world above, but here, they are cut-throat and vicious, and it seems like there is no love even for a brother or a parent. I cannot imagine living that way, day in and day out, never knowing who to trust or if love is real. Maybe Howe could…but not me, not after Mother and Father and you. Everyone uses each other here, and so many are cast by the wayside. You should see them – but no, you should not. It is heart-breaking, how some live in squalor and are so completely ignored by their fellow dwarves that they are told they should not exist, that they were never meant to be born.

I met a woman, Fergus, whose was cast out of her home for the crime of giving birth to the son of a casteless dwarf. Her name was Zerlinda – I remember it even after so many weeks in the darkness. Alistair and I were able to convince her family to take her back in, but it is not enough. It is why I have thrown my support behind Bhelen Aeducan, the prior king's son. Zevran supports the decision whole-heartedly, he says that Bhelen is a strong leader, and he is right in that. But I see it in his eyes, Bhelen is devious and sly. I do not trust him, and Alistair agrees with me. But he is the dwarves' best option for change – he says that he supports dissolution of the castes. I am not sure if I can believe him, but the dwarves cannot stay the way they are, they cannot.

But all of this is not why I am writing you this letter here in the depths of the earth, is it? I have tried to keep count of the days, though I think I have failed utterly, and have either missed the day entirely or anticipated it. But I will wish you a happy naming day anyways, brother, and send you all my love, wherever you are.

Your own,

Amelia

[SurelyForth]

I suppose you have guessed by now that Oghren travels with us. I do seem to have collected a most motley crew, have I not? He met us at the entrance to the Deep Roads and refused to leave once he learned that we sought his wife. It seemed the wise thing to do, bring a dwarf with us to the Deep Roads and a renowned warrior at that. But Oghren is…not that simple. As if any of my companions are.

I think you would like him. Oghren is all bawdy songs and drunkenness and crude jokes on the surface, and he is indeed a fearsome warrior when the darkspawn strike. Underneath that? Sometimes I think there is nothing underneath. Other days I see something more familiar, a frustration that life is not the way that it ought to be, and perhaps a woundedness that he tries to hide. He hides it well though.

I cried, dammit. I take it you didn't deal with Ruck (or perhaps Amelia isn't reduced to a quivering heap of sadness the way I am when I deal with him).

Good letter and nice commentary on how the Orzammar quest feels so endless and like an epic runaround.

[Sandtigress]

SurelyForth wrote...
I cried, dammit. I take it you didn't deal with Ruck (or perhaps Amelia isn't reduced to a quivering heap of sadness the way I am when I deal with him).

Good letter and nice commentary on how the Orzammar quest feels so endless and like an epic runaround.

Yay, I made Surely cry!  I mean, um, well, it is a compliment. 

I actually kind of forgot about Ruck.    But we'll say Amelia was more impacted by Zerlina, and she's not telling her brother all the details of what she saw at Orzammar anyways!  Yeah.  Like the spiders, she didn't tell him about the spiders.  Though Mr. "Grand adventure" Fergus might have thought those were cool.

[maxernst]

I suppose that she can't really explain to Fergus why Rukh (and Hespith) have such a strong impact on her without revealing things about the Wardens that she shouldn't.



The interesting thing about Zerlina is that my HN did the same thing as yours but my elf mage told her to go to the surface. Both times I felt like I was doing the right thing and while I can see why those two PC's would see things the way they do in retrospect, I wasn't really thinking about it at the time. I was reacting in the moment.