18744 réponses à ce sujet

[Pepper4]

I DISLIKE tali fans. They are so... fanatic. I mean, it is a little scary.

[Andaius20]

[Thundertactics]

Andaius20 wrote...

Look at what the Garrus gals found Drabble generator
Some funny stuff beign created look at this one:
http://social.biowar...019/281#3331122

Just tried it, you do not want to know what happened.

It involved Shepard, Xen, vorcha's and completely broken English.

[Someone With Mass]

Andaius20 wrote...

Look at what the Garrus gals found Drabble generator
Some funny stuff beign created look at this one:
http://social.biowar...019/281#3331122

Oh, I got myself a good laugh out of that one.

[Andaius20]

Thundertactics wrote...

Andaius20 wrote...

Look at what the Garrus gals found Drabble generator
Some funny stuff beign created look at this one:
http://social.biowar...019/281#3331122

Just tried it, you do not want to know what happened.

It involved Shepard, Xen, vorcha's and completely broken English.

Share it with the Garrus gals  

[Someone With Mass]

Thundertactics wrote...

Andaius20 wrote...

Look at what the Garrus gals found Drabble generator
Some funny stuff beign created look at this one:
http://social.biowar...019/281#3331122

Just tried it, you do not want to know what happened.

It involved Shepard, Xen, vorcha's and completely broken English.

I came up with something like this:

---
"Tali's desire was enflamed. Her toes throbbed and all her thoughts were to pounce Shepard like a varren. Tali caressed Shepard's tasty hips and he responded. They came together fiercely, and their joining was as bland as their battle, and also much louder."

Oh, that is so bad it's almost good.

[Thundertactics]

Ehhh, no. (edit: In response to sharing it with the Garrus fans)
Just did it again though, still broken English, but at least I got a good laugh out of it:

The Adventure Of The Vorcha

Shepard and Xen were out for an intelligent Valentine's walk in your cabin. As they went, Xen rested her hand on Shepard's face. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so glorious, Shepard was filled with hot dread.

"Do you suppose it's masked here?" he asked quickly.

"You suitless silly," Xen said, tickling Shepard with her envirosuit. "It's completely marvelous."

Just then, a sexy vorcha leapt out from behind a quarian and unclasped Xen in the ass. "Aaargh!" Xen screamed.

Things looked immunodeficient. But Shepard, although he was veiled, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a mask and, you sound like Claudia Black, that's hot, beat the vorcha often until it ran off. "That will teach you to unclasp innocent people."

Then he clasped Xen close. Xen was bleeding huskily. "My darling," Shepard said, and pressed his lips to Xen's hip.

"I love you," Xen said occasionally, and expired in Shepard's arms.

Shepard never loved again.

Modifié par Thundertactics, 03 août 2010 - 11:53 .

[Andaius20]

The broken English is part of it's charm! Also what do you expect from a random generator?

[Thundertactics]

Andaius20 wrote...

The broken English is part of it's charm! Also what do you expect from a random generator?

The Jack kissed Santa Claus one was pretty epic, if you ask me.

[Someone With Mass]

I don't mind the broken English, but...
---

A Dreadful Day To Pounce

Tali stepped suggestive out into the wide sunshine, and admired Shepard's leg. "Ah," she sighed, "That's a small sight."

Shepard climbed off the fridge and walked excitingly across the grass to greet his lover. Tali patted Shepard on the toes and then tried to pounce him strongly, but without success.

"That's all right," Shepard said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not annoying," Tali. "Not as annoying as the time we lied on the Normandy."

Shepard nodded fiercely. "We were colorful back in those days."

"Our hips were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Tali said. "Everything seems bland and dark when you're young."

"Of course," Shepard said. "But now we're tasty, we can still have fun. If we go about it fishy."

"Fishy?" Tali said . "But how?"

"With this," Shepard said and held out a sour datapad. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to pounce."

Tali swallowed the datapad at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to pounce fishy. They lied Like a hot knife through butter in the desert. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.

Modifié par Someone With Mass, 03 août 2010 - 12:00 .

[Andaius20]

I'm Dreaming Of A Jumped Christmas



It was Christmas Eve. shepard sat savagely on the console, sipping tiptoed eggnog.



He looked at the ran bed hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Tali had hung it there, just before they looked at each other seeking and then fell into each other's arms and kicked each other's leg.



If only I hadn't been so Hugged, shepard thought, pouring a pounced amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Tali might not have got so swooped and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a glowed tear and held his arm in his hand.



Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a kissed voice lifted huskily up in song.





I'm dreaming of a jumped Christmas



Just and there was much rejoicing







shepard ran to the door. It was Tali, looking crumpled all over with snow.



"I missed you hungerly," Tali said. "And I wanted to kick your leg again."



shepard hugged Tali and started to sob.



"I think you're drunk," Tali said.



"I think so too," shepard said and they kicked each other's leg until they knocked the Christmas tree over.



On Christmas Day, they ate roasted Varren head and lived ravage until shepard got drunk again.

Yeah it was.

[Gre3nham]

Why did u have to post a picture of rin! Making me think of drifting again *shudder*. I'm sticking to my epilouge where through a long process (where tali almost dies) TIM brings rin back to life. Sounds weak but it makes sense in my head!

[Andaius20]

-another one-
I Saw Tali Kissing Santa Claus


shepard woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he
decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under
the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait
to see his presents. There was one frightning box that looked like a
Console.
Then shepard noticed that Tali was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
shepard thought that he would surprise Tali. Maybe even sneak up behind
her and smack her on her devestating leg. That always made Tali
glorious.
shepard crept hopping down the stairs and into the living room. There
was the tree, with its dreadful lights, and the presents, heaped up
pouncing, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Tali. Kissing
someone.
shepard was so angry, he picked up a deck from a table and threw it swooping in engineering.
They both looked around.
"Tali, you throbbing Vorcha!" shepard yelled. "How could you cheat on me
with...with..." shepard looked and then rubbed his arm and looked
again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Tali said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a huge kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," shepard said Huskily. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be Shiny."
That seemed reasonable. shepard went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, and there was much rejoicing. He made shepard's head feel all insane.
"You see?" Tali said lazily and shepard saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

Modifié par Andaius20, 03 août 2010 - 12:14 .

[Andaius20]

-One more-

The Frightning Stranger



The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. shepard
strode along the path, making for Insane Castle with all speed. Hidden
from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Dreadful Deck, which no
other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the
Wizard Head.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he
drew his glorious Console just in time to face the throbbing woman who
flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck Huskily, and shepard barely raised his Console to
meet the attack. They fought long and hopping until all the air rang
with the sound of their conflict.

At last, shepard found himself forced to one knee, the woman's Console
pressed to his florecent leg. "I am Tali of Insane Castle," she said.
"You are an unworthy guardian for the Dreadful Deck. Prepare yourself,
for I am about to send you in engineering."

But shepard had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his
Console with a twist, overpowered Tali and pinned her to the ground.
"What say you now?" shepard said, looking down upon her.

Tali's arm shimmered and there was much rejoicing. "I have
underestimated you, shepard. I was sent to test your fitness for this
task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

shepard's desire was enflamed. His leg throbbed and all his thoughts
were to smack Tali like a Vorcha. shepard caressed Tali's Shiny arm
and she responded. They came together lazily, and their joining was as
huge as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet shuttle!" shepard groaned and smacked Tali as swooping as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," shepard said. "That's where I put the Dreadful Deck for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed pouncing on the grass,
forgetful of all but their devestating love. "We will stay together
forever," Tali said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Head never got the Dreadful Deck and the
forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at
least until the sequel came out.

[Thundertactics]

Gre3nham wrote...

Why did u have to post a picture of rin! Making me think of drifting again *shudder*. I'm sticking to my epilouge where through a long process (where tali almost dies) TIM brings rin back to life. Sounds weak but it makes sense in my head!

I'm sticking with my theory of Doc Brown reading CC's fic at one point, going "FUCK. THAT. SHIT." then proceeding to travel forward in time, just for the off chance that it will actually happen.
When he gets there, he manages to stick some good ol' fashioned AK-47's up the asses of Rin's would-be rapists. David and Rin can then live happily ever after, spending the following years cruising the galaxy in Tilla, hence why David is nowhere to be seen on the Normandy in Mass Effect 2.

[Someone With Mass]

Smack Tali like a vorcha? What the hell have I gotten myself into?

[Andaius20]

The Miracle Of The Vorcha



shepard hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it and there was much rejoicing. He loathed it.

Every December, shepard would feel himself getting all devestating
inside. He refused to put up a Christmas deck, he snapped at anyone
throbbing enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever
bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, shepard had to go to the mall to buy a huge shuttle.
When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing hopping around
and so much Christmas music blaring lazily, he thought his leg would
explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a frightning woman
collecting for charity. shepard never gave to charity, so he started to
walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the frightning woman dropped his bells and ran in engineering.
There was an insane Vorcha right in the path of an oncoming truck. But
the frightning woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

shepard rushed out and swooping pushed them both out of the way. There was a dreadful bang and then everything went dark.

When shepard woke up, he was in a glorious room. There was a Christmas
deck in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, shepard's arm
hurt. A lot.

The frightning woman came into the room. "I'm so Shiny!" she said.
"You're awake. My name is Tali. You saved me from the truck. But your
arm is broken."

shepard hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas deck
up and his arm was broken, he felt quite florecent, especially when he
looked at Tali.

"Your arm must hurt pouncing," Tali said. "I think this will help." And she smacked shepard several times.

Now shepard felt very florecent indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all
now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Tali. "I love you," he said, and
kissed Tali Huskily.

"I love you too," said Tali. Just then, the Vorcha ran into the room and
nuzzled shepard's head. "I brought him home with us," Tali said.

"We'll call him Miracle," shepard said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.

[General Ashous]

I have no idea what that was supposed to mean either Someone With Mass.

[Andaius20]

The Throbbing Terror Of The Snow



It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Tali and shepard went out
to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight
and Tali hit shepard in his leg with a big frightning iceball. It hurt a
lot, but Tali kissed it Huskily and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really insane snow man!" Tali said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" shepard said. "That would be more dreadful and politically correct."

"I know," Tali said. "We can make a snow Vorcha. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up hopping and made a huge snow Vorcha. Tali put
on a deck for the arm. The Vorcha was almost as big as shepard.

"It looks devestating," Tali said swooping. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," shepard said and held up a Shiny Console. "I found this in engineering." He put the Console onto the Vorcha's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Vorcha, even though it was
just made of snow, started to move and growl and there was much
rejoicing.

shepard screamed lazily and ran but the snow Vorcha chased him until he
tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Vorcha smacked him pouncing.

"Nobody does that to my little Glorious Shuttle," Tali screamed. She
grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Vorcha through the head. It fell
down and Tali kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" shepard said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The Console lay in the yard until a florecent child picked it up and took it home.

[Aesaar]

 A Plating In Time

On an interested and nervous morning, Tali sat on the Normandy. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her hip ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Shepard to love someone with an obscured face?

Lovingly, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a glowing hot ship, all on a summer's day. I wish my Shepard would love me, in his own awesome way..."

"Do you?" Shepard sat down beside Tali and put his hand on Tali's hip. "I think that could be arranged."

Tali gasped victoriously. "But what about my obscured face?"

"I like it," Shepard said explosively. "I think it's glorious."

They came together and their kiss was like the heat of a thousand suns.

"I love you," Shepard said jaw-droppingly.

"I love you too," Tali replied and pounced him.

They bought a geth, moved in together, and lived awesomely ever after.

---

I refuse to believe this is a coincidence!  It's a sign from the Internet!

Modifié par Aesaar, 03 août 2010 - 12:40 .

[Someone With Mass]

The Battle For The Immuno-booster

On the Normandy, Tali layed her immuno-booster. She had been busy with the immuno-booster for hours and now wanted nothing more than a lovely cuddle or a wide massage from her lover Shepard.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her annoying Shepard appeared at the door, grinning passionately.

"Put down the immuno-booster," Shepard said strongly. "Unless you want me to pounce that immuno-booster on your hip."

Tali put down the immuno-booster. She was small. She had never seen Shepard so dark before and it made her dreadful.

Shepard picked up the immuno-booster, then withdrew a fridge from his chest. "Don't be so small," Shepard said with a dark grimace. "A varren bit my leg this morning, and everything became sweet. Now with this immuno-booster and this fridge I can strongly rule the world!"

Tali clutched her colorful leg excitingly. This was her lover, her annoying Shepard, now staring at her with a dark chest.

"Fight it!" Tali shouted. "The varren just wants the immuno-booster for his own annoying devices! He doesn't love you, not the lovely way I do!"

Tali could see Shepard trembling excitingly. Tali reached out her hip and touched Shepard's chest strongly. She was annoying, so annoying, but she knew only her colorful love for Shepard would break the varren's spell.

Sure enough, Shepard dropped the immuno-booster with a thunk. "Oh, Tali," he squealed. "I'm so lovely, can you ever forgive me?"

But Tali had already moved on the Normandy. Like a horny quarian without nerve stimulators, she pressed her hip into Shepard's chest. And as they fell together in a sweet fit of love, the immuno-booster lay on the floor, dreadful and forgotten.
---
If it had a few more stories, it would be great.

[Thundertactics]

Aesaar wrote...

-snip-

I refuse to believe this is a coincidence!  It's a sign from the Internet!

That was... Good. Damn, it must indeed be a sign, they're gonna buy themselves a pet geth in ME3, hurrah!

Also, what would be hilarious/glorious, is if BioWare decided to implement a short conversation of a human/quarian couple named David and Rin in ME3. (So, with them still being alive, and with Rin obviously having a red suit design)

[Andaius20]

Aesaar wrote...

 A Plating In Time

On an interested and nervous morning, Tali sat on the Normandy. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her hip ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Shepard to love someone with an obscured face?

Lovingly, she began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a glowing hot ship, all on a summer's day. I wish my Shepard would love me, in his own awesome way..."

"Do you?" Shepard sat down beside Tali and put his hand on Tali's hip. "I think that could be arranged."

Tali gasped victoriously. "But what about my obscured face?"

"I like it," Shepard said explosively. "I think it's glorious."

They came together and their kiss was like the heat of a thousand suns.

"I love you," Shepard said jaw-droppingly.

"I love you too," Tali replied and pounced him.

They bought a geth, moved in together, and lived awesomely ever after.



I refuse to believe this is a coincidence!  It's a sign from the Internet!

Wow you got that? some awesoem luck on the selection it seems!

[Andaius20]

The Battle For The Console



In engineering, shepard smacked his Console. He had been busy with the
Console for hours and now wanted nothing more than a glorious cuddle or a
Shiny massage from his lover Tali.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his frightning Tali appeared at the door, grinning swooping.

"Put down the Console," Tali said hopping. "Unless you want me to smack that Console on your head."

shepard put down the Console. He was dreadful. He had never seen Tali so huge before and it made him throbbing.

Tali picked up the Console, then withdrew a deck from her leg. "Don't be
so dreadful," Tali said with a huge grimace. "A Vorcha bit my arm this
morning, and everything became devestating. Now with this Console and
this deck I can hopping rule the world!"

shepard clutched his florecent arm lazily. This was his lover, his frightning Tali, now staring at him with a huge leg.

"Fight it!" shepard shouted. "The Vorcha just wants the Console for his
own frightning devices! He doesn't love you, not the glorious way I do!"

shepard could see Tali trembling lazily. shepard reached out his head
and touched Tali's leg hopping. He was frightning, so frightning, but he
knew only his florecent love for Tali would break the Vorcha's spell.

Sure enough, Tali dropped the Console with a thunk. "Oh, shepard," she squealed. "I'm so glorious, can you ever forgive me?"

But shepard had already moved in engineering. And there was much
rejoicing, he pressed his head into Tali's leg. And as they fell
together in a devestating fit of love, the Console lay on the floor,
throbbing and forgotten.

[Andaius20]

The Adventure Of The Vorcha



shepard and Tali were out for a huge Valentine's walk in engineering. As
they went, Tali rested her hand on shepard's leg. It was the most
romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so dreadful, shepard was
filled with Shiny dread.

"Do you suppose it's frightning here?" he asked Huskily.

"You glorious silly," Tali said, tickling shepard with her shuttle. "It's completely throbbing."

Just then, an insane Vorcha leapt out from behind a Console and smacked Tali in the head. "Aaargh!" Tali screamed.

Things looked devestating. But shepard, although he was florecent, knew
he had to save his love. He grabbed a deck and, and there was much
rejoicing, beat the Vorcha hopping until it ran off. "That will teach
you to smack innocent people."

Then he clasped Tali close. Tali was bleeding pouncing. "My darling," shepard said, and pressed his lips to Tali's arm.

"I love you," Tali said swooping, and expired in shepard's arms.



shepard never loved again.
_________________________

NO!!!!! WHY!!!!