A GTA style radio station in Mass Effect
#101
Posté 15 août 2010 - 12:46
Your all's stuff is awesome. I am like so, so glad I made this thread, just so I can hear this stuff.
#102
Posté 15 août 2010 - 12:47
Nightwriter wrote...
Vorcha caller: We know Gavorn’s tricksss!
Turian: Who the f*ck is Gavorn? Is this even a person? Someone could be pranking us with a recording.
Asari: You did that once and now you suspect everyone of doing it. Only your recording kept saying “bewbs” and we couldn’t get it to stop until the Zoning Board shut us down. We were all interrogated and they cavity searched you for eight hours to find the recording device.
Turian: I regret nothing.
I laughed so ****ing hard at this part. You are too damn awesome!
Aris' story was pretty good as well, of course.
Modifié par Kaiser Shepard, 15 août 2010 - 12:57 .
#103
Posté 15 août 2010 - 01:45
Aris, the best part of your skit was when Skarr talks about killing the volus and hearing the death cries through the respirator.
Modifié par Nightwriter, 15 août 2010 - 01:59 .
#104
Posté 15 août 2010 - 02:39
For the main radio:

For Nightwriter's talk show:

For Aris Ravenstar's "Just Mate Already"

For Caesar914's "Gardening with Jaurice"

If the authors of said pieces do not like them, feel free to tell me and I'll remove them. I'll make more tomorrow if these go down well.
Modifié par Jzadek72, 15 août 2010 - 02:41 .
#105
Posté 15 août 2010 - 02:46
#106
Posté 15 août 2010 - 02:50
#107
Posté 15 août 2010 - 03:22
"With Salivex no more having to coat your throat with cooking oil to get that last piece of cake down."
Woman's voice; With Salivex i can lick my life partners ("stamp collection" terrible dub over in a male voice) all night.
Advertisment for Yuppie and the Alien; Come on partner lets cruise the car and look moody.
Rockstar has some of the best in game programming for the radio they really set the bar pretty high for everyone.
Asai
#108
Posté 15 août 2010 - 03:29
#109
Posté 15 août 2010 - 03:41
_______________________________
Announcer: Have you been listening to the number one show for gardeners on the Citadel? If not, here's what you're missing!
Jaurice: Well why don't you just buy your vegetables at the local colonist's market then, you psychopath? God, I just don't get people anymore...
Salarian Woman: You go to hell, garden boy!
Jaurice: Well screw you too, Mother! See if you're ever on the show again! Next caller, hello.
Human: Yeah, what's that alien plant that blooms once a century, it's ten feet tall and smells like Omega? My ex wife is asari and I want to plant one on her colony, so she won't forget me when I'm gone, catch my drift?
Jaurice: It's called, "salariphallus iridium." God, I love saying that. Salariphallus iridium! The sound of it puts a cruiser in my khakis. If I come back as a super hero like in the vids, I want to be called that. It's Salariphallus Iridium, the rare hydroponic wonder! Watch his ten foot protrusion as he pollinates on everyone!
Human: Ok, but why does it smell so bad?
Jaurice: It's about marking territory, human. You don't mark your territory, do you? We all figured humans did since all your planet's other animals did. You should try it! Pee on the door to your office, see if anyone thinks of coming near you then!
Human: Ok, I - I'll try that. Thank you so much for the advice, Jaurice.
Jaurice: That's what I'm here for, puny human!
Announcer: Gardening with Jaurice. Only on Citadel Radio!
Modifié par Caesar914, 15 août 2010 - 03:50 .
#110
Posté 15 août 2010 - 04:04
#111
Posté 15 août 2010 - 04:34
How you kids handlin' post apocolyptia today? Time once again for an important GNR public service announcement: Don't feed the Yao Guia. That is all.
You read that in his voice.
#112
Posté 15 août 2010 - 04:39
#113
Posté 15 août 2010 - 07:57
Mans voice with a drunken slur; Woman bring me another beer! And do not forget the nachos this time or I will have to come in there and give you a smack.
Woman; sweetie you said you would take the trash out before the game started.
Man; If I wanted to do house work I would have stayed single. Do not start with me and get back in the kitchen and get my nachos, hurry up cow the game is starting!
Woman; here you go dear shall I pleasure you while the game is on? But please can you warn me first?
Man; “smack” do not talk back to me woman if I want you to have warning ill give it to you, it is the only reason I tolerate you, that and your barely passable attempts at housework.
Announcer; At the Ronald Taylor Behavioral Modification Facility on Aeia we will work to make your loved one all you ever wanted.
Woman; Ever since my husband came back from the Ronald Taylor Behavior Modification Facility on Aeia he is a new man. He helps around the house, he even likes my mother.
Same man; love pumpkin the trash is out, I think I will go clean the bathroom before your mother gets here. Oh how I love her visits, she has this uncanny knack of noticing all my faults and pointing them out to me so I can change to keep my princess happy. Here let me fluff your pillow.
Woman; At the Ronald Taylor Behavior Modification Facility they managed to correct some of his annoying behavior, like watching sports, and no more annoying toilet seat fights at The Ronald Taylor Behavior Modification Facility they taught him to squat and dab when he tinkles. No more pleasure at his discretion, we talk now about feelings and he actually sees me as a whole person not just my chest.
Same man; Golly sweetie pop it is almost 3 o’clock and time for the Overlook, or there is a movie on O2 that sounds yummy, let me see the description reads a young woman who seeks to find her place in a world dominated by insensitive men finds a kindred spirit in a female co worker. Graphic depictions of lesbian sex, lesbian sex Icky! Here honey bunch take the remote, I will watch what ever you want and we can discuss it while I rub your feet.
Woman; Now my man is just what I wanted, and with the medication flexibility when what I want changes I just adjust his medication and reprogram him like a cheap Omni tool. Thanks Cerberus you saved my marriage.
Announcer; Here at Cerberus we have just the solution for any annoying habits a loved one has. During one of our charity missions in the Terminus systems we located a planet where you can send a loved one for much needed counseling. On the planet the vegetation and native fauna work with our reprogramming specialists to wipe clean all the things about your loved ones that you hate. With the assistance of our specially trained councilors, and a strict native diet we can give you all the reasons to love that loved one again. We even deliver the medications in discreet packages to your home to reinforce or even modify them just as you want. Our program works on all ages, tired of that annoying teenager taking up space in your house. Tired of the annoying music and the hip-hop wannabe? Just listen to another over dramatic dramatization.
Mom; I do not understand it, you are a bright person but you come home with Ds and Fs on your report card.
Son; School sucks I do not need school. I am going to be a rap star one day.
Mom; How do you expect to support yourself when you get older and get a place of your own?
Son; Who says I am moving out I am going to kill you and dad in your sleep so I can get your stuff and live like a rap star, and have parties with all my homies.
Mom; That is it your grounded!
Son; you suck! I would go kill myself but that would make your life easier.
Mom; What are we going to do Ward, he is just SO annoying I am actually beginning to believe he is right.
Dad; About what June?
Mom; That if he actually killed himself IT would make our lives easier.
Dad; What do we do I am not sure if I want to take up body disposal as a hobby, but I hear Vorcha eat anything.
Commercial on in background; Announcer do you have a surly teenager in your home? Let’s face it if you have a child between the ages of 12 and 22 you probably do. Here at the Ronald Taylor Behavior Modification Facility on Aeia we take the angst out of the teenager.
Mom; Hey what about that facility on Aeia.
Dad; Sound expensive, it would be cheaper to feed him to a Vorcha, and I am sure a Vorcha is less annoying. I do not think it would take a Vorcha more than a few days to dispose of the corpse, then we just have the Vorcha put down. I will go get snipped and we consider it a lesson learned. All we have to do is tell C-Sec the Vorcha was rabid attacked and ate our son, which is not too much of a stretch considering I have wanted to do it on several occasions.
Mom; You were always the practical one but lets consider that plan B, lets try the Ronald Taylor Behavior Modification Facility on Aeia first.
Dad; I will bet you the Vorcha is cheaper, but as you wish.
Later
Son; Hi mom, hi dad, I got straight As on my report card, school is fun. I gotta run Universal Public Radio is having a classics weekend and I do not want to miss any of it.
Mom; What about the Wheezy Mc Cheesy concert you were all worked up about?
Son; Oh mom rappers are nowhere, I mean it is a dead end life style about guns sex and alcohol. I will never get into a good school if I follow their advice plus I am white what WAS I thinking.
Mom; That is nice dear, do not forget about your homework.
Son; I did it on the bus on the way home, it is so easy, all I had to do was apply myself. At this rate I will be able to support you my loving parents with the fantastic job I will be able to get once I finish school.
Dad; Wow honey I can not believe the change in our son, you were right and it was not too expensive.
Announcer; At the Ronald Taylor Behavior Modification Facility on Aeia we return your loved one better than when they left. For information go to www.RTBMF.Aeia/behavioralmodification.com or contact this station.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as i enjoyed writing it.
Asai
Modifié par asaiasai, 15 août 2010 - 08:38 .
#114
Posté 15 août 2010 - 08:56
Caesar914 wrote...
Trailer for Gardening with Jaurice! (Adaptation from a Gardening with Maurice advert)
_______________________________
Announcer: Have you been listening to the number one show for gardeners on the Citadel? If not, here's what you're missing!
Jaurice: Well why don't you just buy your vegetables at the local colonist's market then, you psychopath? God, I just don't get people anymore...
Salarian Woman: You go to hell, garden boy!
Jaurice: Well screw you too, Mother! See if you're ever on the show again! Next caller, hello.
Human: Yeah, what's that alien plant that blooms once a century, it's ten feet tall and smells like Omega? My ex wife is asari and I want to plant one on her colony, so she won't forget me when I'm gone, catch my drift?
Jaurice: It's called, "salariphallus iridium." God, I love saying that. Salariphallus iridium! The sound of it puts a cruiser in my khakis. If I come back as a super hero like in the vids, I want to be called that. It's Salariphallus Iridium, the rare hydroponic wonder! Watch his ten foot protrusion as he pollinates on everyone!
Human: Ok, but why does it smell so bad?
Jaurice: It's about marking territory, human. You don't mark your territory, do you? We all figured humans did since all your planet's other animals did. You should try it! Pee on the door to your office, see if anyone thinks of coming near you then!
Human: Ok, I - I'll try that. Thank you so much for the advice, Jaurice.
Jaurice: That's what I'm here for, puny human!
Announcer: Gardening with Jaurice. Only on Citadel Radio!
Haha! That's awesome
#115
Posté 15 août 2010 - 10:55
#116
Posté 15 août 2010 - 11:51
#117
Posté 16 août 2010 - 01:38
#118
Guest_Drodjan_*
Posté 16 août 2010 - 02:29
Guest_Drodjan_*
TMA LIVE, the salarian rant about humans was quite the rofl.
And Pineapple, the Reaper skit made me laugh the most (except for the vorcha one, but just bc that was longer). Thank you everyone for the hilarity! This thread should definitely continue.
#119
Posté 16 août 2010 - 08:57
Drodjan wrote...
Nightwriter you're a damn genius. All your posts are hilarious, but the vorcha one took the cake.
TMA LIVE, the salarian rant about humans was quite the rofl.
And Pineapple, the Reaper skit made me laugh the most (except for the vorcha one, but just bc that was longer). Thank you everyone for the hilarity! This thread should definitely continue.
Thanks.
#120
Posté 29 septembre 2010 - 10:46
And thanks for my reaper skit feedba-ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL OF THIS POST.
Harbinger: WELCOME BACK TO REAPER RADIO. TODAY WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST, THE SHADOW BROKER.
Shadow Broker: You travel with fascinating companions Reaper. I'm suprised Sovereign came back to life, I thought he had been killed twice now.
Sovereign: THIS DELAY IS POINTLESS.
Harbinger: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.
Shadow Broker: *Randomly engages them combat without any negotiation and is then oblibirated immediately by lasers*
Sovereign: RETURN AGAIN WHEN HOPEFULLY OUR NEXT GUEST WILL NOT BE EXTERMINATED. THIS EXCHANGE IS NOW OVER.
#121
Posté 30 septembre 2010 - 12:05
#122
Posté 30 septembre 2010 - 12:48
There needs to be a Lazlo-esque show, definitely. I'd write one myself if I was any good at writing comedy.





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