12857 réponses à ce sujet

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Wulfram wrote...

:wub::wub::wub:

I'd soooo sit on his lap and tell him what I want for Christmas.

[CalJones]

He'd have to lose the armour first - I'd slide off otherwise.

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

@ Sarah:



You really need to write that and send it in as a prequel to Dr. Suess universe.



It's all Loghain's fault!

[Sarah1281]

@Skadi: Loghain's biased perspective or not, Alistiar was being an ass. I wonder just how much Loghain had to drink that he actually decided to act on his desire to ruin Christmas. This should certainly be interesting...

[Persephone]

Skadi & Sarah,

Top notch stuff. Thanks for the laughs. Skadi, what will he do? Post more! I need more Loggy-Claus giggles!!!!:lol::lol:

[DragonRacer13]

Oh, dear, what have I wrought?
Hooray! I inadvertantly started our first Loghain prompt!

[Persephone]

DragonRacer13 wrote...

Oh, dear, what have I wrought?
Hooray! I inadvertantly started our first Loghain prompt!

Prompts are actually a neat idea. How about more of them? :happy:

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Sorry, been suffering frequent and lengthy power outages (mad windstorms and crap, will finish up part 2.



@Sarah, yes, of course he's being an ass. It's a Loghain-centric story, so naturally, Al;istair gets to be the ass that annoys the hell out of his poor, miserable father-in-law.

[alschemid]

Persephone wrote...

DragonRacer13 wrote...
Oh, dear, what have I wrought?
Hooray! I inadvertantly started our first Loghain prompt!

Prompts are actually a neat idea. How about more of them? :happy:

Yay! If I can post pics instead of writing I'm in.

[DragonRacer13]

Writing and/or pics are perfectly acceptable responses to prompts!

@Persephone - oh dear, I shall have to put the thinking cap on...  that whole Grinch thing was really a completely random non-sequiter that I am good for once in a blue moon.

[Persephone]

alschemid wrote...

Persephone wrote...

DragonRacer13 wrote...
Oh, dear, what have I wrought?
Hooray! I inadvertantly started our first Loghain prompt!

Prompts are actually a neat idea. How about more of them? :happy:

Yay! If I can post pics instead of writing I'm in.

:wub::wub::wub::wub::wub::wub:

That is just so effin' sweet.

*Must think of interesting prompt*

How about....

The Consequences Of The Warden's Sacrifice

This will be more angsty with Alistair alive & married to Anora....

:innocent:

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

As night grew, the Denerim market emptied of festival goers, and chuckling with sinister glee, Loghain set to work. With an abandon he'd not showed since his days of decapitating Orlesians with Maric, he hacked the Christmas display to pieces and trampled the charity gifts beneath the Christmas Tree. He than gathered the plentiful dung of the 100 different animals was was usually left over after a day at the market and flung it at the wrecked display. He considered setting the whole mess ablaze, then decided against it. The guards were all at home, most likely drunk and passed out, and he did not want to rouse them.

Surveying the scene, Loghain nodded in satisfaction and took a seat on a pile of crudely knitted blankets, no doubt donations from the Chantry to the poor, freezing elves in the alienage.  Smashed baubles and  ripped wrapping paper littered the snow around him, faintly glittering in the dim light. Heh. Seasons Greetings from Uncle Loghain, you egg-nog-drinking, suck-face-under-the-mistltoe nob ends! He thought triumphantly.Noticing an unbroken bottle of cheap brandy laying amongst the carnage, he scooped it up and began emptying it's contents.

He had gotten through half the bottle, snickering inbetween sips when he her the padding of footsteps and looked up, expecting to see a guard or some insominiac busybody. Instead, a marbari hound hound approached him,  tounge lolling and tail wagging. Curious, Loghain extended his hand and whistled to the dog, whose ears perked up, and as it came closer, Loghain noticed it's distinctive kaddis and markings.

"I'll be damned," he muttered to himself. "it's the Warden's dog." He racked his brain, trying to think of the beast's name, but couldn't. Something weird, he remembered. Like the Warden. The dog flopped down into the snow and was rolling on it's back, panting in ecstacy as Loghain gave it's belly a good, brisk rub.

It got up and shook itself dry, splattering Loghain with dirty, dog-scented and half melted snow. "Thanks," Loghain told him as he wiped some of the slush off. "Come to punish me for destroying Christmas, have you?" The dog ignored him, and started sniffing around before it found the broken remnants of a rocking chair and lifted it's leg to relieve itself. Approvingly, Loghain lifted his bottle to toast the dog, and took a nice big gulp.

Eventually, the dog came over and sat next to Loghain, looking at him inquisitively. Patting it's head, Loghain said, "Of every soul in Ferelden, I find it odd that the only one whose company I can tolerate for more than five minutes has come to celebrate the holidays with me. Tell me, hound, were you put up to this, or is it simply chance?" The dog leaned over and licked Loghain's face in response, and  Loghain offered the creature a drink from his bottle, who unsurprisingly, showed little interest.

"No matter why you came, you're hear, I think that's enough for me." Loghain said. "If you like, I can take you back to the palace and give you come choice cuts of meat from the royal table. And you can chew up all of Alistair's brand new action figures, and crap in Eamon's new earmuffs. Maybe you can rip up some very expensive cushions, too, or eat the orlesian ambassador's poodle. That would be great fun, wouldn't it, boy?"

The dog laid down next to Loghain, resting it's massive head on his lap while gazing up at him sadly. Petting him, Loghain continued. "Yes, you would understand how vile Christmas is. Who the hell came up with this idiotic idea of being happy simply because another idiot said it's the season for such rubbish? Hmmm? Why do I have to be happy? It's a miserable time of year! Cold, freezing snow and rain, sickly sweet cakes and cookies overspiced because that's what the Orlesians do, excessive spending on junk that just ends up in the midden heap come New Years. And of course, drunken orgies, to which I have never recieved an invitation for! Mobs of overdressed nobles, expectations of expensive gifts and indignation because you don't deliver!Cards from people you either hate or haven't spoke to in years, repetitive carols that just make mae want to bury my sword in the bard singing them! And people look forward to this annual torture?"

The dog moaned mournfully in agreement, and Loghain continued. "I'm willing to bet some assh*le has even subjected you to this indignation as well! Yes, I can see in your eyes that you've been forced to wear bell-studded collars and reindeer antlers so that some fat, smelly, drunken dwarf dressed in a red fur suit can ride you around, tossing candy and toys to every screaming, sniveling brat in Denerim, when all you really want to do is curl up by a nice fire with a flagon of Antivan brandy in one hand, and a busty wench of low morals in the other. And pass the holidays in peace. But no, you can't even have that, either your daughter or her half-wit spouse will come banging on the door and demanding you show up to some boring celebration and mingle with people I'd sooner dismember than even discuss the weather with."  He took another drink from the bottle. "And worst of all, Christmas after Christmas, I wake up, open up the pile of crap some bootlicker Bann has sent me in the hopes of buying my favor, always with the flicker of hope that one of those gifts will contain that ever elusive lazer pointer. And always, at the end of the day, that hope lies in tatters"

The dog's head shot up, cocking to the side. "I know. Amazing, isn't it. I've served as Ferelden's general for some 30 years, and never once did it cross anyone's mind that having a lazer pointer would be a more practical present than another stupid sweater with snowmen knitted into it! Really, how maric and I managed to get these idiots to stop drooling and pick up weapons is anyone's guess."

The dog sprang up and started barking excitedly, and loghain glanced around, thinking someone was coming. Instead, the creature bounded off into the shadows, and despite his efforts to call it back, the dog did not return. With a bitter, deep sigh, Loghain took the last drink from the bottle and tossed it over into the ruined display.

An hour passed, and the snow began to fall again. Loghain wondered if he should slink off to the nearest inn to establish at least a partial alibi when he heard the padded footfalls in the snow once again, and turned to see the Marbari hound dashing towards him at full speed, tail wagging. Smiling, Loghain crouched to greet it again, but it stopped ten feet in front of him and let something drop from its mouth into the snow. Uncertain if he wanted to know what sort of treasure the hound had dug up this time, he motioned to the object and looked at the dog expectantly. the dog replied with a short bark, and nudged the object closer. Shrugging, Loghain picked it up, and his breath caught in his throat as he turned the thin, silvery casing over in his palm.

"Where did you find this?" Loghain gasped it utter surprise as he clicked the small, greyish button and marveled at the pencil-thin beam of red light that shot from the tip. He knew the dog was clever; he had seen it fetch random and unusual objects for it's master before. Yet this was no random ball of string or curious undergarmets: this was a genuine, functioning lazer pointer of the highest quality.

He could not stop the two tears that trickled out of his eyes as he collapsed and embraced the dog in a great bear hug. "Word's can't describe the depth of my gratitude, my friend," he choked, buring his face in the dog's fur. "For the first time in my life, let me say it, and you be the first and only to hear it: Merry Christmas! And an absolutely marvelous New Year to you!" The dog barked happily and began licking Loghain's face.

Wiping the wetness from his eyes, Loghain stood up and played with the pointer for a bit. He looked back at the dog. "Come on, you. You're coming back to the palace with me. We'll drink mulled wine and share a fat, juicy Christmas ham together, and sing Jingle Bells and throw mistletoe and holly all over the place and even shake Eamon's hand for the hell of it!" With a spring in his step that was not present before, Loghain turned to leave, but the dog's whining stopped him.

"What's the matter, boy?" Loghain asked. The dog whimped and trotted over to the ruined Christmas display, looking at Loghain mounrfully. It dug at a pile of ruined presents and looked at Loghain expectantly.

"Crap," Loghain buttered as he re-examined the scene, and started to feel a built guilty. His own Christmas had been rescued by this marvelous hound, but he realized that he had probably ruined Christmas for just about everyone else in Denerim. "You're right. I haven't screwed this bad since the Blight, and I really should make amends, shopuldn't I?" When the dog barked it's agreement, Loghain sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I need to replace this. But where the hell am I going to find decent decorations and presents at this time on Christmas eve?"

Jumping up and barking excitedly, the dog started running, stopping and turning its head to see if Loghain was there. With a shrug, Loghain followed the dog, wondering what the creature was trying to tell him. The dog dashed through road and alleyway until it finally stopped in front of a grand building with eleborately manicured grounds surrounding it. Lavish, expensive Christmas decorations adorned the snow covered shrubs, and glittering baubles of fine glass dangled from the lush Christmas tree that was the centerpiece of it all. Loghain knew the place well, and could barely contain his grin. The place was empty, its inhabitants all staying the night at the palace to engage in the Christmas festivities.

"I like the way you think," he chuckled to the dog as he climbed over the ornate iron fence and onto the grounds of the Orlesian Embassy.

               

                                                              *************************************************

Loghain found that for once, waking up on Christmas morning was tolerable. He dressed in his finest clothes and showed up to the Christmas Luncheon without a hangover, a first for him in many years. To the surprise of everyone seated at the table, he was in good spirits, entertaining the guests and castle cats with his new lazer pointer. For once, Loghain's heartly laughter joined everyone elses as they ate, toasted, drank, and sang. Dog sat on the floor next to him, sleeping contentedly after eating a whole roast boar.

Eventually, Anora and Alistair came down, and everyone's brows raised as Anora marched briskly past her guests and straight up to her father. Her scowl looked out of place with the rest of her, which was decked out in the finest, most elegant attire a queen could wear for the occasion. Alistair stood in the doorway, adding his own frown to Anora's.

"Father, we need to talk. Now," she said briskly, grabbing his arm, and jerking him into a corner. She held a rolled up parchment in her hand.
"Why Anora, where's your holiday spirit?" Loghain asked in mock disappointment.

"Don't give m,e that crap, father," she snapped back irritably. "I'm more interested in a certain curious set of events that occurred last night." She waved the parchment at him. "Strangest thing. Some hooligans managed break into the orlesian embassy and steal all of their Christmas decorations, as well as a large quantity of expensive gifts the Empress had sent to her staff here in Ferelden. Yet instead of ending up on the black market or in some dodgy noble's house, the whole lot was instead relocated to Denerim market and placed over the ruins of the previous display, also trashed by no-accounts. The Orlesian ambassador was furious, and when he tried to reclaim what was stolen, the Bann in charge of the celebrations gave him this."

She unfurled the parchment and waved it at him. "A letter. Supposedly an order from the empress herself, saying she was donating the display and the gifts to the good people of Ferelden, as a gensture of apology for...." she looked at the parchment and began reading from it. "...being evil, thieving, smelly, overpainted bastards and brutally occupying and abusing Ferelden for decades." She tossed the parchment aside. "And strangely enough, it does indeed bury the imperial seal of  Celene herself." Anora's penetrating gaze deepend as she studied her father. "Well?"

Loghain snorted. "What are you asking me for? It has the empress own seal on it. Do you doubt her generosity?" He couldn't help grinning inwardly. he had found one of Celene's seal rings amongst Cailan's things in the castle basement long ago, and kept it as possible evidence if he ever needed it. He was surpised that it did indeed come in handy, though not for the purpose he had originally intended. "I think it is a fine gesture, Anora! You did, after all, say that we should let bygones be bygones, after all!"

"Yes, I thought you might say that," Anora scoffed, and shook her head. "The orlesian ambassador saw that, and had to stutter an apology, he was so embarrassed. Though he certainly has been bombarded with thanks and affection from the people. But somehow, I don't think it was his, or celene's idea in the first place." She gazed intently at Loghain, waiting for some answer, but when none came, she sighed and shook her head. "Fine. At least it seems to have turned out well. And by the way, Merry Christmas, father." She kissed him on the cheek and returned to greeting her guests.

The feast was great, and Anora's earlier outrage had dissipated. Even Alistair had stopped glaring at him, choosing instead to crack jokes and marvel at the new set of Dragon Man figurines Teagan had brought. Loghain wondered how long before the fool realized his golem doll was missing, currently being knawed to shreds under the table by an extremely contented marbari.

Loghain, for the first time in ages, understood just what a Merry Christmas was.

[Sarah1281]

@Skadi: Oh, this second half was even better than the first! I love that you didn't specify the dog's name, the Warden's name, the Warden's origin or even gender. Finally Loghain gets his laser pointer! Stealing from the Orlesian embassy and getting away with it was also fantastic.

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

I also didn't specify the Warden's status as living or dead, since either state could be present. I did want to make it general, though, so anyone can fit.



thanks! the first half was just the opening, because I was getting the power outs and disruption, i wanted at least something up.



I was gonna have him flash the lazer in Alistair's eye, but was worried when the lights started dimming, so I cut it short.

[CalJones]

alschemid wrote...

This is awesome! And sums up my own feelings on Christmas quite nicely.

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

^^^ Mine too. Especially all the empty booze bottles. A neccesity now that I am married to someone who annioyingly demands holiday celebrations in excess.

[Esbatty]

I' m gone one day and now there is prompts. Well at least isn't slash fic.

[Persephone]

Esbatty wrote...

I' m gone one day and now there is prompts. Well at least isn't slash fic.

Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............Slash........*Inspiration strikes* 

[Esbatty]

Persephone wrote...

Esbatty wrote...

I' m gone one day and now there is prompts. Well at least isn't slash fic.

Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............Slash........*Inspiration strikes* 

*rolls up scroll*

No, bad Perse! Bad! No LoghainxAlistair fic. Bad! Do not call it "A Templar Hardened".

[CalJones]

Alistair stumbled along the corridor, so drunk that he could barely see. Anora both intimidated and repulsed him, and the prospect of their upcoming wedding night had seen him fortifying his courage with two bottles of wine and the best part of a bottle or Orlesian brandy. That he could stand at all was a miracle - perhaps the legendary warden stamina was playing its part - but negotiating the winding palace corridors was proving more than a little difficult.

Eventually, he reached what he thought was the matrimonial suite, pushed open the door and staggered towards the bed with all the grace of a three legged ox.

The shape that already occupied the bed did not stir. Hopefully, Anora was sleeping soundly and he could put off the consumation until another time. Drunk as he was, he wasn't even sure whether he would be able to manage such a feat.

Hauling back the coverlet, he half fell into bed, yielding a soft grunt from its other occupant. He was suddenly aware of his proximity to warm flesh - warm, naked flesh - and despite his inebriated state, his body began to respond.

Perhaps it was best to get this over with, he decided. Should he kiss her, first? He had been raised to be a gentleman, after all.

Leaning across, he hooked his fingers into the thick, lustrous hair and pressed his lips against what he thought to be Anora's rosebud mouth.

Suddenly he became aware that the flesh he was caressing was not soft and pliant, but lean, hard and a good deal more hirsute than any high born woman would admit to. Horrified, Alistair recoiled, releasing his conquest.

"Alistair, this is hardly the sort of behaviour I would expect from a son in law," Loghain said dryly.

"But...but..." Alistair was overtaken by a rush of emotions. Horror, mortification, disgust, arousal... Arousal? Part of him still responded to the warm body beside him, betraying him, betraying Duncan. Yet now, his inhibitions lowered, he could not help but admit that he found his predicament exciting...



Shall I stop there?

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Well, don't stop there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[KnightofPhoenix]

Yes, you should stop there.

Modifié par KnightofPhoenix, 08 décembre 2010 - 06:37 .

[CalJones]

"Have....have you ever licked a lamppost in winter?" Alistair slurred.
"Is that some Orlesian perversion?" Loghain retorted.
There was a frantic rustling as Alistair ducked beneath the sheets, before a muffled voice emerged from below. "That's a very big lamppost!"
"Maker's breath, what are you..." Loghain's eyes widened as the true meaning of Alistair's comment became apparent..."

I better stop there before I get banned, I think.

Modifié par CalJones, 08 décembre 2010 - 06:46 .

[Giggles_Manically]

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh urrrrrrr

[KnightofPhoenix]

@ Giggles.

Yep, I am going to do what Costin did and leave.