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[Addai]

Chapter 33 of The Arrangement.  Not a very happy time for our boy, I'm afraid.

[Morwen Eledhwen]

Addai67 wrote...

Chapter 33 of The Arrangement.  Not a very happy time for our boy, I'm afraid.

You appear to have made him the weaker of the two, at least in this chapter --and he is made so by his attempts to be strong in the face of adversity. He shuts off all feeling and becomes a shell of himself, losing supporters, sleep, the ability to think and act clearly, and possibly his mind. Ellie allows herself to feel love, and guilt, loss, and hope --and she can function, and fight; and she is winning.

Modifié par Morwen Eledhwen, 15 août 2011 - 04:15 .

[Persephone]

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Addai67 wrote...

Chapter 33 of The Arrangement.  Not a very happy time for our boy, I'm afraid.

You appear to have made him the weaker of the two, at least in this chapter --and he is made so by his attempts to be strong in the face of adversity. He shuts off all feeling and becomes a shell of himself, losing supporters, sleep, the ability to think and act clearly, and possibly his mind. Ellie allows herself to feel love, and guilt, loss, and hope --and she can function, and fight; and she is winning.

What Morwen said. Exquisite chapter, as always!

[KnightofPhoenix]

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Addai67 wrote...

Chapter 33 of The Arrangement.  Not a very happy time for our boy, I'm afraid.

You appear to have made him the weaker of the two, at least in this chapter --and he is made so by his attempts to be strong in the face of adversity. He shuts off all feeling and becomes a shell of himself, losing supporters, sleep, the ability to think and act clearly, and possibly his mind. Ellie allows herself to feel love, and guilt, loss, and hope --and she can function, and fight; and she is winning.

Are there any battles? Politics?....sex? Stuff for guys?

Just kidding, I read it. Great job Addai, though I am sure I would have appreciated it more if I read the previous chapters.

[CalJones]

Then read them, I'm sure you'd enjoy it. You can skip over the sex stuff if it makes you uncomfortable...

[KnightofPhoenix]

It doesn't make me uncomfortable, except if it gets prolonged and goes on and on when I get the point.

I'll probably re-read the fic, or wait till it's finished and read all of it at once. Same with Persephone's fic.

[Morwen Eledhwen]

^ Mine doesn't have any sex. . .*cough* Though there's not a whole lot of politics until they get to Redcliffe, which won't be for [counts on fingers] 5 or 6 chapters. Even for all that, some people think it's still interesting; and no smut-mines to attack poor KoP's delicate sensibilities!

[KnightofPhoenix]

Too many fics to read!
But I'll read yours too, once it's done (yea I like to read stuff quickly, can't handle suspense).

And yes, I am far too delicate

[Persephone]

What's THIS? Why, it's an UPDATE!

www.fanfiction.net/s/6087280/21/The_Edge_Of_The_Grey_Enigma

Enjoy! Reviewers get cookies!

[KnightofPhoenix]

Sugar, or I am not reviewing.

Modifié par KnightofPhoenix, 15 août 2011 - 10:34 .

[Persephone]

KnightofPhoenix wrote...

Sugar, or I am not reviewing.

*Blows sugar at KOP*

There. Happy now?:innocent:

[KnightofPhoenix]

It's satisfactory for now.

Damn what is she mad about? Argh, I have too much to read!
But it's great. The reunion with Fergus was touching. Well done

EDIT: then again I am so sleeping that I'll probably have to re-read it.

Modifié par KnightofPhoenix, 15 août 2011 - 10:59 .

[Costin_Razvan]

Addai67 wrote...

Chapter 33 of The Arrangement.  Not a very happy time for our boy, I'm afraid.

You know....I tend to go from hate to liking this story in a flash. Hate because the only thing Elissa seems to care at times is for her to kill Howe, damn the kingdom and everything else.

Meh, maybe I would just like a story where the protagonist cares a hell lot more for the nation then everything else, but whatever, It's a well written story regardless of my tastes and it's original.

Persephone: I'm sorry but I can't enjoy reading your story after so many damned others on ff.net set in the same place ( Landsmeet and the aftermath of it ). 

Modifié par Costin_Razvan, 15 août 2011 - 01:16 .

[Morwen Eledhwen]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Persephone: I'm sorry but I can't enjoy reading your story after so many damned others on ff.net set in the same place ( Landsmeet and the aftermath of it ). 

Oh. I guess you'll never read mine then.

[Costin_Razvan]

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Persephone: I'm sorry but I can't enjoy reading your story after so many damned others on ff.net set in the same place ( Landsmeet and the aftermath of it ). 

Oh. I guess you'll never read mine then.

I personally think you and Persephone are trying to cram too much in one chapter ( I notice with a lot of other fanfictions. ) 

Anyway here's a part of my lastest tribute video, this one for the Witcher 2 ( Roughly 50 seconds of what will be a 4 min long clip at least ).: 

Modifié par Costin_Razvan, 15 août 2011 - 02:05 .

[Morwen Eledhwen]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Oh. I guess you'll never read mine then.

I personally think you and Persephone are trying to cram too much in one chapter ( I notice with a lot of other fanfictions. ) 

Oh? Interesting. Do you mean that I'm trying to cover too much ground in one short space and that what I'm trying to say should be dealt with in greater detail, or that my chapters are too long? I've noticed a few fictions trying to do too much in too little space, but way too many more fanfictions that take 20 chapters just to get out of Lothering (assuming they start with the Origin). I'm not sure which is worse.

Please note that I am genuinely interested in your opinion here, whether I choose to let it influence my writing or not. My fic is, to be honest, not as widely read as I would have hoped; however, I have yet to hear any explanation as to why. What little feedback I've received has all been positive. So I have to assume either that I just have a small but dedicated readership, or there are a number of people hanging back and not saying anything for politeness's sake. You are not concerned about being polite, so I can trust you to give honest criticism unclouded by consideration either for my feelings or for other peoples' opinions.

Modifié par Morwen Eledhwen, 15 août 2011 - 02:31 .

[Persephone]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Addai67 wrote...

Chapter 33 of The Arrangement.  Not a very happy time for our boy, I'm afraid.

Persephone: I'm sorry but I can't enjoy reading your story after so many damned others on ff.net set in the same place ( Landsmeet and the aftermath of it ). 

Awwwwwwwww. Now I'm a sad kitty.

Nah, it's ok. No need to apologize.

[Persephone]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Persephone: I'm sorry but I can't enjoy reading your story after so many damned others on ff.net set in the same place ( Landsmeet and the aftermath of it ). 

Oh. I guess you'll never read mine then.

Anyway here's a part of my lastest tribute video, this one for the Witcher 2 ( Roughly 50 seconds of what will be a 4 min long clip at least ).: 

And this is made of AWESOME. Excellent work!<3

[Persephone]

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Costin_Razvan wrote...

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Oh. I guess you'll never read mine then.

I personally think you and Persephone are trying to cram too much in one chapter ( I notice with a lot of other fanfictions. ) 

Please note that I am genuinely interested in your opinion here, whether I choose to let it influence my writing or not. My fic is, to be honest, not as widely read as I would have hoped; however, I have yet to hear any explanation as to why. What little feedback I've received has all been positive. So I have to assume either that I just have a small but dedicated readership, or there are a number of people hanging back and not saying anything for politeness's sake. You are not concerned about being polite, so I can trust you to give honest criticism unclouded by consideration either for my feelings or for other peoples' opinions.

*Hugs Morwen* I must apologize for being a dang slow reviewer. I will remedy that tonight, as I truly love you story. Your mage is one of the most fascinating Wardens I have ever encountered.:happy:

[Costin_Razvan]

Oh? Interesting. Do you mean that I'm trying to cover too much ground in one short space and that what I'm trying to say should be dealt with in greater detail, or that my chapters are too long? I've noticed a few fictions trying to do too much in too little space, but way too many more fanfictions that take 20 chapters just to get out of Lothering (assuming they start with the Origin). I'm not sure which is worse.

Please note that I am genuinely interested in your opinion here, whether I choose to let it influence my writing or not. My fic is, to be honest, not as widely read as I would have hoped; however, I have yet to hear any explanation as to why. What little feedback I've received has all been positive. So I have to assume either that I just have a small but dedicated readership, or there are a number of people hanging back and not saying anything for politeness's sake. You are not concerned about being polite, so I can trust you to give honest criticism unclouded by consideration either for my feelings or for other peoples' opinions.

I do dislike slow goings now that there are so many stories out there that I read on the same subject, but I think one should try and strike the balance.

I personally just find it hard to read your chapters ( same goes for Persephone )

As for why your fiction is not read...well that's because it's a not Cousland one, so go figure what most like to read on FF.net

Modifié par Costin_Razvan, 15 août 2011 - 02:42 .

[Morwen Eledhwen]

Costin_Razvan wrote...

I do dislike slow goings now that there are so many stories out there that I read on the same subject, but I think one should try and strike the balance.

I personally just find it hard to read your chapters ( same goes for Persephone )

Well, that's not terribly enlightening as far as criticism goes, but I appreciate your honesty anyway.

As for why your fiction is not read...well that's because it's a not Cousland one, so go figure what most like to read on FF.net

Haha, yeah, I do realize that I've damned myself by not featuring either a Cousland or Alistair, but, well, that wasn't the story I wanted to write.

[Skadi_the_Evil_Elf]

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...


Haha, yeah, I do realize that I've damned myself by not featuring either a Cousland or Alistair, but, well, that wasn't the story I wanted to write.

Its generally something that I noticed in all genere/story worlds of FFNet: the most popular, most widely read stories are romances, which usually end up just a retelling of the same game everyone else has played a million times, with protagonists that are really not terribly interesting, and the entire focus is some soppy, lame romance that would interest regular harlequin readers more than me.

Though I haven't read any DA fan fics, I can imagine that this trend would be similar, especially the popularity of Alistair/princess cous cous scenarios. Because you have broken this popular mold, and have decided to go in a very different direction than what is popular, you will likely have a smaller audience.

Of course, this is not a necessarily bad thing. The few fan fics I've actually read that I thought were unique, original, and interesting had a smaller readership, but their readership consisted of more intelligent readers. Popularity doesn't equal quality, and given the the popular fics feature bland, generic Mary Sues, I'd count your blessings if your readership is a small, but very intelligent group that appreciates good, original writing over other crap.

I think one of the few fan fics that I've ever read that I really thought was Aesome was one that was an Arcanum fic. And I think it only had three regular readers, myself included. Yet it pretty much beat out anything I had read across several genres, and to me, was worth it.

[Costin_Razvan]

Well, that's not terribly enlightening as far as criticism goes, but I appreciate your honesty anyway.

I'm afraid that if you wanted a complex review of your story then I am not the person to give one.

The story is fine...it's just it lacks originalaity ( another one with a female Warden and Loghain becoming one.....and then the story following the plot of the game ). The problem for me and why I don't really like it is that you don't ANYTHING special with the plot. It's novelization of the game, plain as that, yes it has things go somewhat differently then the game plot but it doesn't change what it is.

For me a romance story should be something that happens in the context of something bigger, MUCH bigger, couple that with my complete dislike of the Dragon Age Main plot and you can figure why I don't really enjoy reading it. Create an original main plot, use that and then place the romance story in it.

One story which does this very well is Victory at Ostagar. yes yes it still follows the plot of the game with the Blight and all but there's also another plot the author created to set the Romance story in, as in the plot of a Victory at the Battle, Cailan alive and the Warden and Loghain finding out of Cailan's treachery.

Your story just reminds me of a LOT of those LOTR Crossovers I read....you know where some alternate figure comes in and participates in the main battles of the books but NOTHING SIGNIFICANT changes in terms of main events.

P.S. You did ask for a blunt opinion

[Addai]

Morwen Eledhwen wrote...

Addai67 wrote...

Chapter 33 of The Arrangement.  Not a very happy time for our boy, I'm afraid.

You appear to have made him the weaker of the two, at least in this chapter --and he is made so by his attempts to be strong in the face of adversity. He shuts off all feeling and becomes a shell of himself, losing supporters, sleep, the ability to think and act clearly, and possibly his mind. Ellie allows herself to feel love, and guilt, loss, and hope --and she can function, and fight; and she is winning.

That's a good assessment of where they are.  Of course Ellie has the advantage of knowing she has a son to fight for.  Thank you for the read, and to the others, too!  I really want to start reading some of these others myself.  I'm so close to finishing I can taste it!!

@Costin:  Ellie tried holding back for the good of the country, and Howe would not leave her alone.  "You win or you die" is operating here.  If she really cared nothing for Ferelden, she'd get on a ship and go find her son, now that she knows Howe believes him dead.

@KoP:  I love me the battles too.    But for wanting to move the story along, I'd have taken time to show some of them.  As it is, I have to do it by telling and aftermath.  Funnily enough, the best battle scenes I've read lately were written by a woman, Cecelia Holland- I mentioned her before- writing about Viking dragon ships going up against one another.

[Morwen Eledhwen]

Costin_Razvan wrote...


P.S. You did ask for a blunt opinion

I did, and you gave one. Thank you! That clarifies things. I just have to accept that others who share your opinion and your distaste for such stories most likely won't want to read this one.

Edit: And thank you for actually looking at more than just the first chapter to come to this conclusion. I'm assuming that all those ff.net hits I got from Romania today were you. I'm disappointed that you didn't like what you saw enough to read on despite your dislike for these types of stories in general, but I understand that's how it goes. I don't like romance novels in general (and my fic is not labeled as a Romance for a reason); so someone could write the greatest Romance novel the world has ever seen, and I would never read it, or appreciate it properly if I did.

Modifié par Morwen Eledhwen, 15 août 2011 - 08:07 .