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[Pseudo the Mustachioed]

leonia42 wrote...

Too bad Alistair got Wynne's version, I think he would have appreciated Isabela's more. And she probably would have told him a few new things he wasn't quite so aware of.

He got a hands-on lesson from her, with one of my Wardens. ;D
Experience is the best teacher.

[Dhiro]

...I was thinking something.



So, Varric is narrating things to Cassandra, right?



Soooo, how Varric knows about the sex scenes? If Garrett get shameless with Isabela, that means Varric will... watch and tell Cassandra later?

[Leonia]

Pseudocognition wrote...

leonia42 wrote...

Too bad Alistair got Wynne's version, I think he would have appreciated Isabela's more. And she probably would have told him a few new things he wasn't quite so aware of.

He got a hands-on lesson from her, with one of my Wardens. ;D
Experience is the best teacher.

Heh, indeed. One of my favourite facial expressions from the game is the look Alistair gives Isabela when he says "wet frocks".

[Dave of Canada]

Since I've played Alan Wake all day, I've been in a good mood as I love this game's epicness. So here's a larger than what would be average Legend of Varric entry. Might do more later in the day, no promises though.

Varric walked around Hannen looking at all the sights, he never heard of this place and had never seen it on any map. Hannen is often forgotten by Ferelden, it's Bann never participating in Landsmeets or sending soldiers when the King calls for them.

Being located between the Free Marches and Ferelden should've been a good port town, though it never outgrew being a small fishing village. Rumors around the township even say that when asked about Hannen, King Maric was confused and asked what the ambassador was talking about. Though it's isolated nature has largely disappeared with Ferelden being lost to the Blight, every refugee who comes across it is as surprised as the first.

Varric didn't care about it much, he's only here for safe travel into Ferelden. Everybody he talked with seemed to look at him in confusion, they were all seeking safe travel away from Ferelden and here was this single dwarf searching for travel into Ferelden?

"He must be mad" uttered an old woman, not aware that Varric is still in listening distance. "Nobody would go into Ferelden." Varric turned around, gazed at the woman and had to hold his tongue. He didn't want to attract attention, him yelling at this defenseless woman would only prove her right. He marched on, he couldn't wait to get this over and leave Ferelden.

Beggars littered the streets, fighting for their valuables as thieves would steal them and run, all these people obviously fleeing Ferelden towards the Free Marches. Varric sighed and raised his hand, suprising a thief that was about to steal his crossbow.

"Don't do it, lady." Varric said to the cowering thief. "You'll regret it."

The thief unsheathed a knife and lunged towards Varric with her free arm, Varric ducked beneath the swing and gathed a fist hitting her beneath the elbow, she yelled in pain and Varric threw her to the ground. She tried to stand but realised it was over, Varric had already unsheathed Bianca and placed it next to her head. She closed her eyes, embracing oblivion but none came; Varric had already started walking away leaving her to her fear.

Varric was thinking, was letting this thief go really wise? His thoughts quickly deciding that it was the right thing to do, it's a Bioware game after all and most of the morally good choices often end well. He shrugged it off and kept walking into the distance, always walking.

- - -

Deciding to finally do something after exploring the town and doing a few sidequests, Varric went where he felt most comfortable; a tavern. If he knew anything from his years of experience with his brother, taverns are always the place to go when you're looking for information, you need to ignore the drunken banter and filter the yelling but the information is there, beneath the smell of alcohol.

He opened the door slowly, not trying to draw much attention to the people inside. It failed of course, when Varric walks into a place everybody notices him. He never knew why. Everybody in the bar gazed towards him for a couple seconds before resuming their banter, though one robed man kept his cold gaze. Varric ignored it and walked towards the nearest empty stool.

"Do my eyes decieve me?" said the bartender, "Varric Tethras, you bastard!"

Varric gazed up to find himself face to face with Thomas, the bartender from Kirkwall. He couldn't resist cracking a smile. "What are you doing here, Thomas?" asked Varric, wondering what his friend from Kirkwall was doing here. Thomas dragged out a few bottles of Montsimmard Red, "The usual, making buisness. The Blight is a wonderful time to be opening a bar, people drinking their sorrows away."

"So I've been meaning to ask you this, Varric," Thomas asked Varric, "you've been acting differently since you walked into my bar in Kirkwall, why is that?". Varric laughed for a few seconds before a look of desperation appeared on his face, he leaned close and in a strained voice whispered to Thomas, "I'm being written temporarily by an incompetent fan. Help me!". Thomas looked surprised, looked at Varric and was about to say something before Varric's face returned to a soothing calm and controlled manner,  "I was joking. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." said Varric, in an animatronic voice.

Varric and Thomas talked for a few hours. Varric explaining to him what transpired after the moderator had whisked him away from the tavern in Kirkwall, Thomas explaining to Varric about how much money one could make exploiting the sorrows of other people. It was a small time of relief, forgetting his perilous quest for a little while.

Having finished three bottles of Montsimmard Red, Varric backed away from the bar and finally got down to buisness. He asked Thomas if there was any way into Ferelden, Thomas laughed and pointed towards the robed man who was still gazing at Varric. He beckoned Varric over and pointed towards a quest marker over his head.

"How come I never noticed that?" Varric asked before looking towards Thomas, "This man is going to make me do something dangerous, isn't he?"

Varric began to approach the intimidating quest giver, rubbing his eyes as the glowing quest marker grew brighter. "This is going to be a long quest."

Modifié par Dave of Canada, 23 décembre 2010 - 07:31 .

[namedforthemoon]

Dhiro wrote...

...I was thinking something.

So, Varric is narrating things to Cassandra, right?

Soooo, how Varric knows about the sex scenes? If Garrett get shameless with Isabela, that means Varric will... watch and tell Cassandra later?

I was thinking that he knows all about the sex, because he's having sex with Hawke himself.  :O:O




...At least, I hope that's the case.

[Leonia]

Yay, more Legend of Varric *claps her hands with glee*

[namedforthemoon]

Ooh, it's Draw Varric Thursday! Has anyone drawn a Varric piece for today? Dave has contributed a lovely bit of Legend of Varric. I really like the part where he surprises the thief with Bianca, and then walks away. That's sooo Varric.

[Leonia]

I've been struggling to have any drawing ideas/concepts since I started working on my Origins-related fanfic again. I wish I could make it up to Varric but.. it's taking all my creative juices just to get this story going again.

[HolyJellyfish]

I may have something up my sleeve later.

[Pseudo the Mustachioed]

*looks around* DVT? My mental clock is thrown off. I will see what I can come up with tonight

[bsbcaer]

Tis the Last DVT before Christmas

Tis the last DVT before Christmas, and all through the Forums
Everyone was waiting for some artwork , trying to maintain their decorum

Now Aimo, Now Pseudo, Now Dave and the others
We need us some Varric, so there won't be any bothers

Please Mary won't you help us and show Christmas spirit
Maybe a conversation with Half-pint and Varric in it

(feel free to add your own lyrics and continue the poem)

Modifié par bsbcaer, 23 décembre 2010 - 06:24 .

[namedforthemoon]

I was going to try and draw Santa Varric (like a really rough santa Varric) but I can't find MS Paint on my computer anywhere. I know it was there before.... Hmm. Oh well.



It would be awesome if Mary would post something Varric-related, but it seems like she's not been here in ages. She must be busy.

[Dave of Canada]

She's been turned to stone by Gaider.

[Pseudo the Mustachioed]

bsbcaer wrote...

Tis the Last DVT before Christmas

Tis the last DVT before Christmas, and all through the Forums
Everyone was waiting for some artwork , trying to maintain their decorum

Now Aimo, Now Pseudo, Now Dave and the others
We need us some Varric, so there won't be any bothers

Please Mary won't you help us and show Christmas spirit
Maybe a conversation with Half-pint and Varric in it

(feel free to add your own lyrics and continue the poem)

It's going to be pretty late in the day (family time! laskjflasdkjfs) but for that song I definitely have to draw something.

[Anarya]

Contemplating making a Varric cookie (made sugar cookies and must ice them later), but unsure how to explain to family why I'm drawing chest hair on my cookie man. Awkward!

[upsettingshorts]

When they ask why, ask why not.

[Dave of Canada]

Say it's just an excuse to add more ice.

[namedforthemoon]

Alright, this is my DVT Varric Christmas Contribution, I hope you all like it.

Modifié par namedforthemoon, 23 décembre 2010 - 10:16 .

[Pseudo the Mustachioed]

namedforthemoon wrote...

Alright, this is my DVT Christmas Varric Contribution, I hope you all like it.

Omg. OMG. TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE. LOL.

[bsbcaer]

namedforthemoon wrote...

Alright, this is my DVT Christmas Varric Contribution, I hope you all like it.

I always knew that V was a ROCK GOD!!!!!

[Thandal N'Lyman]

Yea, NFTM! Thank you. Best carolers I've had this season! (And did you catch Varric's flashing of his chesthairiness through the open shirt? Priceless.)

[namedforthemoon]

My favorite part is where he's singing "Tis the season to be jolly", that part gets me giggling every time.

[bsbcaer]

(attempting a full parody now, bear with me)

Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through Kirkwall,
Not a creature was stirring ('cept Isabela having a ball)
The Greaves were hung by the chimney with care
in the hopes that Varric soon would be there

Carver and Beth were snug in their bed
with visions of chesthair dancing in their heads
with Fenris in his kerchief and Hawke in her cap
had just settled in for a long winter nap

When out from the road, there rose such a clatter
Hawke sprang from her bed to see what's the matter
Away to her window, Hawke rose with a flash
Tore open the window and threw open her sash

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below
when what to her wonderful eyes should appear
but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny nug-deer

With a hunky little driver, so lively and quick
Hawke knew right away it had to be Varric
more rapid than eagles, his coursers they came
He whistled and shouted and called them by name

Now Thandal, now Pseudo, now Aimo, now Named
on Anyara, Upsetting, Leonia, and Dave
To the top of the porch, to the top of the wall,
now fan away, fan away, fanfic away all!

So up to the house-top the courser they flew
with a bag full of toys, and Varric too
and then in a twinkling, Hawke heard on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof

As Hawke drew in her head, and turned around
down the chimney Varric came in with a bound
He was dressed immaculately, his chest hair a gleam
designed to make all the fangirls go scream

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back
like a merchant prince , he just had the knack
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
Dat smirk was awesome, his chest oh so hairy!

His droll little smirk was drawn up like a bow
the smile on his face made the fans feel just so
he had a broad chin, and seemed a bit stubby
but his run made the women want him as their hubby

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
soon made Hawke know she had nothing to dread
he spoke not a word, but went straight to his work
and filled all the greaves; then turned with dat smirk

laying his fingers aside of Bianca,
up the chimney he flew, boom shaka laka
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle
and away they flew like the down of a thistle
but I heard him exclaim 'ere he flew out of sight
MERRY CHRISTMAS VARRIC THREAD, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

[namedforthemoon]

Not much rhymes with Bianca, eh? That made me LOL. Good job, Bsbcaer!

[Calla S]

oh. my. god. HAHAH. That was BEAUTIFUL, Bsbcaer! My favorite part:

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back
like a merchant prince , he just had the knack
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
Dat smirk was awesome, his chest oh so hairy!

His droll little smirk was drawn up like a bow
the smile on his face made the fans feel just so
he had a broad chin, and seemed a bit stubby
but his run made the women want him as their hubby

I'm so proud to be a part of this thread. Everyone here is so talented!

Modifié par Calla S, 23 décembre 2010 - 10:07 .