Out of 14 play throughs, the only time he wasn't King was in my first ever play through. I left him unhardened, because like so many others, I had zero clue how to harden him.. or even what that was. And he was so reluctant to be King, I just couldn't do it.
After that, he's been on the throne every time. I know Anora probably is a more official and better ruler, but as an elf at heart (my favourite characters all happen to be elves.. I just always play elves, and the Dragon Age ones put a nice spin on their tale, and actually make them the underdogs. I love it!), Anora just isn't a suitable candinate.
My personal favourite endings:
Female Cousland, Rogue Archer, married an unhardened Alistair for power. I always imagine her as the real ruler, and a huge middle finger to the Wardens. She hated the Wardens for taking away her titles and noble privlidges, and becoming Queen was something she always wanted.
Female Mage Elf, romanced Alistair. Put a hardened Alistair on the throne alone, but couldn't give Alistair up. Did the ultimate sacrifice - my personal favourite ending and probably my canon.
Male dwarf - Hardened Alistair married Anora.
And about the Grey Warden thing, I kinda agree. I just don't think you're in the order long enough before they're killed to build an attachtment, and to out-weigh the negatives that come with the privlidges. 90% of my characters hate Duncan, and hate the Wardens.
I should really make a Warden loving character.. /day dreams