Okay new topic: I know Tali distrust cerberus as a whole but what do you think is her take on The Illusive Man himself. What would she say if she got the chance to speek to the man behind it all.
Tali'Zorah Thread *Spoiler warning!*
Débuté par
Collider
, sept. 13 2010 07:37
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#6227
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 01:08
Volrath937
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Yes, Tali can be quite a powerful squadmate when used correctly. Usually, she'll become a permanent fixture in my team as soon as she's recruited, with the third slot being switched out as needed.belwin wrote...
normally for Tali's skills i go with a combat drone,
for the sake of distraction. let's you get a few shots off.
Maybe one point into AI hacking.
The rest into her power recharge bonus, and what's left into shield drain.
it works well for her with my Shep, seeing as she rarely get's knocked out.
I'm imagine she'd see TIM as the one behind all of the bad things Cerberus has done, to her people and others. When she first comes aboard the Normandy, she carries quite a bit of anger towards Cerberus, and seeing the man who may have ordered the attack on the Flotilla would probably make her less than civil, if not combative.Skymirror wrote...
Okay new topic: I know Tali distrust cerberus as a whole but what do you think is her take on The Illusive Man himself. What would she say if she got the chance to speek to the man behind it all.
Modifié par Volrath937, 06 décembre 2010 - 01:15 .
#6228
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 02:11
protoshepard
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Volrath937 wrote...
I'm imagine she'd see TIM as the one behind all of the bad things Cerberus has done, to her people and others. When she first comes aboard the Normandy, she carries quite a bit of anger towards Cerberus, and seeing the man who may have ordered the attack on the Flotilla would probably make her less than civil, if not combative.Skymirror wrote...
Okay new topic: I know Tali distrust cerberus as a whole but what do you think is her take on The Illusive Man himself. What would she say if she got the chance to speek to the man behind it all.
I agree completely. She hates Cerberus and TIM is the leader. If you hate a group and, you meet the ring leader, your first response is usually to hate them as much if not more. Therefore, Tali would harbor a similar or more powerful hatred for TIM.
Modifié par protoshepard, 06 décembre 2010 - 02:11 .
#6229
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 02:40
Alienmorph
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A confrontation between her and TIM would be awesome. Just think about how much she's hostile do Jacob when she come aboard for the first time... surely she's one of the squadmates who's put in the hardest position, with two Cerberus granduates and a Geth at "her" side. Surely she should will have some serious confrontations with TIM or others in ME3, especially in chase of Shep remains with Cerberus.
#6230
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 04:33
Runescapeguy9
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She can speak with her shotgun. After what cerberus did to the quarians and other aliens, I wouldn't stop her.Skymirror wrote...
Okay new topic: I know Tali distrust cerberus as a whole but what do you think is her take on The Illusive Man himself. What would she say if she got the chance to speek to the man behind it all.
#6231
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 04:46
disjunctionreaper
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I don't think she'll go "RAMBO" on TIM (assuming she stands in the same room as TIM, not even Shepard does only Miranda sometimes) because she's aware that Shepard needs the assistance of Cerberus.
#6232
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 07:39
protoshepard
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disjunctionreaper wrote...
I don't think she'll go "RAMBO" on TIM (assuming she stands in the same room as TIM, not even Shepard does only Miranda sometimes) because she's aware that Shepard needs the assistance of Cerberus.
I do believe that she would threaten and possibly fire off a few rounds into whatever was around if the chance presented itself. I would then applaud her.
#6233
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 08:02
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Would you guys want to read a fanfic about Tali?
#6234
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 08:32
Alienmorph
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?
Modifié par Alienmorph, 06 décembre 2010 - 08:38 .
#6235
Guest_callum sneddon_*
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 10:24
Guest_callum sneddon_*
Guest_callum sneddon_*
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Captain Cornhole wrote...
Would you guys want to read a fanfic about Tali?
You can never have enough Tali fanfic!
#6236
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 10:27
FsDxRAGE
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Modifié par FsDxRAGE, 06 décembre 2010 - 10:28 .
#6237
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 10:28
Runescapeguy9
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As is advertised in your signature. By the way, when are you starting that new oneshot about Tali you promised?FsDxRAGE wrote...
*has written over 120,000 words of Talifanfic*
#6238
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 10:34
FsDxRAGE
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When I get out of class for the semester. Should be a good Christmas present for the thread and everyoneRunescapeguy9 wrote...
As is advertised in your signature. By the way, when are you starting that new oneshot about Tali you promised?FsDxRAGE wrote...
*has written over 120,000 words of Talifanfic*
Modifié par FsDxRAGE, 06 décembre 2010 - 10:34 .
#6239
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 10:35
Runescapeguy9
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Look forward to it. Been quite a while since you have written something not classified as a book about Tali.FsDxRAGE wrote...
When I get out of class for the semester. Should be a good Christmas present for the thread and everyoneRunescapeguy9 wrote...
As is advertised in your signature. By the way, when are you starting that new oneshot about Tali you promised?FsDxRAGE wrote...
*has written over 120,000 words of Talifanfic*
#6240
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 10:42
FsDxRAGE
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Yeah... actually, I think I have never done a one shot... well because I like my detailRunescapeguy9 wrote...
Look forward to it. Been quite a while since you have written something not classified as a book about Tali.FsDxRAGE wrote...
When I get out of class for the semester. Should be a good Christmas present for the thread and everyoneRunescapeguy9 wrote...
As is advertised in your signature. By the way, when are you starting that new oneshot about Tali you promised?FsDxRAGE wrote...
*has written over 120,000 words of Talifanfic*
#6241
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 10:47
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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I will get around to posting
#6242
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 11:05
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Well, Tali is the main side character. But it has plenty of Tali in it.
What happens when Shepard is gone
Noveria.
Immidiately after Shepard had become a Spectre, the Normandy had left the Citadel to go fight the Geth and find Saren, who was really mean and didn't like Shepard. The fist stop was Noveria, as The Normandy docked Shepard went to talk to Pressly.
Shepard: Pressly!
Pressly: yes, sir?
Shepard: Im going to find that boob lady Capt. Anderson and Udina mentioned, and Im taking Ashly and Wrex with me. Watch the ship and make sure nothing happens. Or this time you'll lose more than your hair, got it?
Pressly: Understood, Commander. I promise the Normandy will be here when you get back.
Shepard: Good.
He then turned around and strode out, followed by Wrex and Ashley. A few minutes later a voice was heard over the intercom.
Voice: Commander Shepard has left the Ship, XO Pressly is now the commanding officer.
Pressly listened thoughtfully, his eyes closed, until the voice stopped. The he straigtened his jacket and smoothed out what hair he had left. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. With Shepard gone it was all up to him.
He raced up to the pilots seat and forcefully threw Joker out onto the floor, sat down like Capt. Picard and turned on the comm.
Pressly: Alright, listen up. We all know how incompetant "commander" Shepard is. If anyone is going to stop Saren its not going to be him. We have a mission that needs to be fuffiled, with or perferably without Shepard, we're going to get it down. Im in charge now, so we're going to do things my way from now on! Joker, plot a course to Liara's Dig Site, lets see if she knows anything. INGAGE! *points figure forward* ..............where the hell is Joker?
Joker: I think you broke my legs!
Pressy: In war, sacrfices must be made. Now take us out of here before Shepard gets back!
Liara's Dig Sight.
Pressly didn't have any cool armor for himself, but after snooping in Shepard's room he found a spare one. Strangely it was a female peice that looked supsiciously like the one Tali was wearing the other day but he didn't care and put it on anyway. IT was a tight fit and Pressly's old man flab bulged and gave him muffin tops everywhere.
he went to the bridge where the crew was waiting.
Pressly: Tali, Garrus, your with me. We're going to make this quick.
Tali: Hey, is that my armor your wearing?
Pressly: Remember, Sacrifices. Move out.
They got in the Mako and landed into a sawrm of Geth and those big mega Geth, but they were easily cut down by the cannon.
After wading through Geth Guts and Circuitry, PRessly and crew found a hole going down into the dig site. He took out a pistol he borrowed from Garrus and went in.
There was old stuff everywhere becuase it was a dig site. Water dripped from the ceiling and onto PResly, causing his face to become pruny. Tali surveyed the area.
Tali: im picking up a life sign, in a that way direction.
Garrus: It's probably Benezia's daughter. What are we going to do when we find her?
Pressly: *darkly* What needs to be dine.
After taking a really boring trip in an elevator and falling down a couple of times they stumbled upon an energy feild. Behind the energy field was Liara.
Pressly: Liara T'soni?
Liara: Y-yes, thats me. Thank the goddess, Im glad your not geth.
Tali: Your glad? But I thought...considering your mother
Liara: Don't mention the woman, we're not on the same side.
Pressly: So you don't know what Saren's up to.
Liara: No.
Garrus. THen I guess we're done here.
Pressly: Lets get out of here.
He turned around and came face to face with a Krogan,
Mean Krogan: Give us the scientist! Grrrr.
Pressly: Okay. We don't need her anyway.
Liara:
Suddenly things started exploding and falling down. Pressly grabbed Garrus and used him to ram through the Krogan while Tali took care of his geth allies. After the evil poeple were defeat they ran outside, just before the cave exploded.
Pressly: Well that was a whole load of nothing! Lets get back to the Normandy, I haven't used the restroom in over an hour!
Feros.
Pressly and crew had landed on Feros, a weird backwater planet with weirder colonizers. After fighting through minor geth resistence and laughing when some guy randomly exploded,. PRessly Tali and Garrus went to see Fai Dan.
Pressly: Greetings, I assume your the leader here?
Fai Dan: Leader? Those are words the MAN uses. Here at Zhu's Hope, we're more like a coagulation of collective free spirits, ya know. Just a herd of dandilions swaying in the breeze of life.
Pressly: Have you seen any Geth around here.
Fai Dan: Oh many, always ruining my vibe, and the parties aren't so swinging becuase half of the colony is dead. Heeeey, you have people! Can we come over? I have meth.
Pressly: RETREAT!
But PRessly, being old and frail, had to be carried by Garrus down to the Normandy while Tali provided cover fire. They barely made it through the doors before Fai Dan and other wierdoes caught up to them. In the decontamination chamber Garrus was wheezing.
Garrus :*wheeze* I never knew you weighed so much....*wheeze*...I think im going to puke.....
Tali: You should be able to tell he's not a light weight, just look at the bulges coming out of MY suit he's wearing.
Pressly: Your both cranky! Go to the brig!
Tali: But the Normandy doesn't have one.
Pressly: Fine, then go find me some hair I can put on my head.
Pressly went up to where Joker was monitoring the scene.
Joker: Hey Pressly, that suit does wonders to your figure.
Pressly: Can it. I need a status report.
Joker: Fai Dan and his fellow "hep Cats" are crawling all over the ship. They really want in sir.
PRessly: I'll see that for myself. On screen.
Joker pushed a button and on the screen an image popped up showing the ground outsidr the Normandy. Fai was Standing there, waving crazily.
Fai Dan: Hey! HI! HEY! Nice place! Can we come in? Come on, don't be a square.
Joker: Hm. I can smell the meth from here. So, what are you going to do about it?
Pressly: OPEN FIRE!
JOker: Your the boss.
Outside Fai Dan and his people gathered together and gaped at the gun coming out of the Normanday.
Fai Dan: Whoe.....thats the biggest bong I've ever seen...Cool!
The next second the remaining colonizers were wiped out by a couple of quick burst from the Normandy's turret.
Inside Pressly was
Joker: I guess we won't be being bothered by them anymore.
Tali came running up qith adams
Tali: Adams and I were monitoring geth and human comm chatter, and we picked up some stuff. SOmething about a giant mind controlling plant living underneath the colony!
PRessly: phhhht, thats all?
Tali: But how are we going to take care of it.
Pressly: We have nukes, right?
Adams: Of course.
Pressly: Dig a hole to the Thorian and shove a nuke down there.
Adams: What a brilliant idea, I love you!
A few hours of digging and nuke arming later the Normandy left the Feros Atmosphere, down below a huge explosion could be seen. The Thorian was taken care of.
Asteroid X-57
With the problem of Feros solved, but Saren no where in site, Prelly decided it might me time to return to Noveria and see what he could find. He was in Shepard's quarters, squeezing out of Tali's armor, when Joker came in over the comm.
Joker: Pressly, the Council wants a word. With Shepard, if you know what I mean.
Pressly: If they know that Im the head of this mission and not Shepard, they would put me in an old folk's home! Joker, stall them. We can't let them know Shepard isn't here.
Joker: Whatever.
Garrus burst through the door, and screamed as he saw Pressly naked. His eye's burned out as he stared at his wrinkly man-boobs and liver spots. He ran around in circles and clawed at his head.
Pressly: This is what happens when you come charging in here without knocking. what do you want?
Garrus: I over heard you and Joker, and I have an idea.
Pressly: Hurry up.
Garrus: I can do a really good shepard impression, Wrex and I have been making fun of him behind his back, so I think I got it down pretty good. If the Council doesn't see me. They will think its Shepard.
Pressly: You hear this, Joker?
Joker: Im patching the council through right now.
Joker patched the Council through to the comms to speak with them.
Turian Councilman: SHepard? Are you there? Why aren't we on screem?
Then Garrus did the worst shepar impression ever. Pressly cringed and put his hand to his head as Garrus spoke in .high pitched, slightly British voice.
Garrus(as Shepard): Yes. um. we are having some difficulties right now with some systems. Just minor stuff.
Asari Councilman: You sound strange....is there something wrong
Garrus: Joker's being a total jerk, and everyone is stupid but me! blah blah blah! Im so cool just becuase im a spectre. oooo look at me! I have cool armor and guns and five fingers! ooooo!
Salarian Councilman:...............well. Im sure your busy. Just tuned in to tell you Saren has a base one Vermire. BYE!
Pressly: I can't believe they bought it.
Garrus: Told you Im good.
Pressly: I think its becuase there so stupid.
Garrus: So.....are we going to Virmire.
Pressly: After I put some clothes on. and I have something else to take of.
half hour later Pressly was on the Asteroid with Tali and Garrus. It had rockets on it that were driving it towards Terra Nova, and someone had to stop it. Bactarians were everywhere, but PRessly wasn't worried, he could always use Garrus as a sheild when things got heavy.
The first torch was taken out. Then the second came next. Bactarian blood was everywhere. At the second Torch Tali was busy disabaling it. Garrus watched the door was Pressly watched her butt. Then Garrus called out and disappeared behind the doorway.
Pressly: Garrus?
The turain returned with a guy.
Guy: Oh help me I can't find my crew and the bactarians are here! will you find my crew?
Tali: Yeah we kind of figured that.
Garrus: We were told the same thing by some chick on the comm.
Pressly: Everyone here is just stating the obvious. Lets get this over with.
They took out the remainf torches and headed to the main complex, there they met with the bactarian leader.
Bactarian Leader: Stop where you are! you don't know what your doing.
Pressly: Im stopping you.
The leader pointed over to a cell where hostages where being kept, there was also a bomb inside.
Bactarian Leader: If you don't give into my demands-TOO LATE!
and the hostages become like burnt marshmellows and splattered all over the cell wall as the bomb went off.
Pressly: Oh well, I would of refused anyway.
They he did a reverse triple flying back flip and kicked the bactarian leader in the face! Tali threw a couple gernades and garrus took out a shotgun and began firing away at anything that got in his way. In the end Pressly cut off the Bactarian leader's head with one of his grisly old toe nails and the battle was won. He was just about to go out the door when the guy showed up again.
Guy: have you found my crew?
Pressly: Yes, there dead.
Guy: THanks for finding my crew. I hate you!
Pressly: Hey, you said find them, not keep them alive.
The guy went running off somewhere and the left back to the Normandy, setting a course for Vermire.
Vermire..
Vermire was not like the other planets he visited because it had saren on it. Again, Pressly had to navigate (navigate, LOL!) through hordes of Geth in in the Mako, and when he reached the Salarian camp he was supposed to find he was very grumpy because he was old.
The Normanday flew in to meet him, and most poeple got out becuase the inside of the Normandy smelled like Pressly's pants.
The Salarian Captain went to meet him.
Capt. Kirahe: Are you Commander Shepard?
Pressly: Uh, yes.
Capt Kirahe: You don't look like him from what I saw on the vids.
Pressly: .....My face got stuck in one of those suction toilets we have on the Normandy.
Capt Salarian Person: Oh dear, I hope you get better soon. but right now we have a job to do. we need to blow this place up! My team will cuase an distraction while you set the nuke. I'll need of of your team mem-
Pressly: No way! Just go off and die while I kill people.
Captain Kirahe: Okay.
The base was invaded. Along the way Pressly came in contact with a reaper named Sovereign, who talked alot and blew out a window. After that Pressly fought geth and killed crazy salarian in a square room. He also chased a Asari in a senial rage. Finally he reached the middle of the complex where the Normandy was waiting. Kaidan was there, setting up the Nuke.
Pressly: Lets finish this thing so I can have my metamusal and catch reruns of Andy Griffith!
Kaidan: Don't worry I know what im doing!
Pressly: The lump on your head says otherwise.
Then the captain Kirahe came over the comms!
Capt Kirahe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Garrus: We should go help him!
Pressly: *sigh* I guess it will kill the time while Kaidan sets up.
So he took Garrus and Tali and went. But Halfway there he was contacted by Kaidan,
Kaidan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tali: Now Kaidan needs help! what are we going to do Pressly?
Pressly though hard.
Pressly: This is a very hard descision. So I choose neither! Radio joker to pick us up. I don't want to be around when that nuke goes off.
Tali Radioed Joker. And they would of just sat there and waited if not for the fact that suddenly the ground exploded from a grenade. Pressly, Tali, and Garrus scattered as Saren flew down on some hovering thingy.
Saren: Ha! I finally found you, shepard. Nice little diversions you caused, sadly im not fooled so easily.........wait......who the heck are you?!
Pressly: I'm Pressly!!!
Saren: At anyrate Pressly you would undo my work and seal the fate of organic civilization! You see the Reapers cannot be stopped, but they need organics. Sovereign is a machine it thinks like a machine if i can prove my value i am a asset worth saveing. And for that you must DIE!!!
Pressly:................TAKE THIS!
And his threw his boot at Saren, hitting him in the face. as Saren toppled over the Normandy came into view and swooped down, Pressly and company jumped into the open bay doors and the ship took off. Saren hissed and rubbed his face.
Saren: Eeeeew! tastes like old people!
Saren flew away as the place went boom boom.
Ilos.
Pressly knew time was short, he had to stop Saren. Luckily, when he was watching Andy Griffith and chugging Metamusil Tali came to him during a Chora's Den Advertisment and told him to go to Ilos.
Pressly: But don't you live in the engine room?
Tali: Does music really belong anywhere? or is it as free as the eagle? soaring its musical wings where ever the wind takes it. No one owns the notes that make music happen. It belongs to the universe!
Then she disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke and strippers.
After Pressly used the Restroom, he informed the crew of there new destination, and the Normandy went vrrrrooooooooooommmm as it flew to Ilos.
The planet looked like the inside of Pressly's nose. The scanners picked up Saren on the ground, but tossing the mako down there was going to be risky.
Joker: Don't worry, I know what Im doing.
Tali: Thats what Kaiden said before he blew up.
But the Mako made it and Pressly was on the planet. They chased Saren everywhere, eventually they were driving in a huge cavern/hall/highway/complex thing.
Garrus: Do you think we can catch up to him?
Tali: If nothing gets in our way.
A force feild sprung up, trapping the mako.
Pressly: What now? Might as well get out....
They got out and found a door, on the other side of the door was an VI almost as old a Pressly.
It started talking about the Protheans and the Reapers, but Pressly was impatient.
Pressly: I don't care about the protheans right now, I have to stop Saren! I'll look up the protheans on extranet later, just lower the forcefield.
Vigil: But to stop the Reapers you must first understand them.
Pressly: Lower the force field!
Vigil: *defeated* ok....
The VI did so. And Pressly as zooming to the conduit. A giant timer appeared in the air! Pressly was running out of time! In front of them huge spider things that looked like Pressly's prostate blocked their path.
Garrus: Why do old poeple drive so slow!?
Pressly: I don't want to hit anything!
Tali: Here, let me drive!
Tali grabbed the wheel and floored it! They plowed through the Geth Collossi, making it just in time, and flew up into the sky.
The Citadel.
The mako crashed into the citadel, killing five poeple and two geth, but that was okay. As Pressly said, "sacrifices."
Pressly crawled out of the mako, groaning.
Pressly: I think I broke a hip.
Tali: Don't worry I have plenty to spare.
Pressly's hip was fixed, now he had to get to the council chambers. That involved climbing up outisde of the tower and fighting anything that got in their way. Everything was exploding around him! Outside the citadel the fleet was becoming crapped out because Sovereign was killing them.
When Pressly reached the top, he found Saren inside.
Pressly: Stop right there!
Saren: Well. Well. Well, if it isn't the strange old smelly amn from Virmire. What happened to Shepard.?
Pressly: He's around here somewhere, but he doesn't matter. Im takeing you down!
Saren: Not if I do it first! HAHA!
He then took out a pistol and shot himself in the crotch, he toppled over and crashed though some glass onto grass below.
Pressly was smiling.
Pressly: Im letting you go.
Saren: *grown* really?
Pressly: I forgive you.
Pressly ordered Tali to heel him. After some medical stuff Saren was better, except in order to save him it was nessicary to amputate his pelvis area.
Saren: Your the best! I promise never not to kill again.
The rouge spectre with no pelvic bone pranced off into the depths of citidel.
A screen popped up in front of him, and Joker Radioed in.
Joker: I have the whole Alliance Fleet here, orders?
Then a Distress Signal from the Council popped up.
Pressly didn't think at all, they could be a risk of the council finding out it's him instead of Shepard.
Pressly: Focus on Sovereign!
Joker: Aye Aye sir.
Tali: I'll go check if his Pelvis. Come with me Garrus.
The two jumped down and went to inspect the Pelvis, It looked dead, but just to be sure Garrus fired a round into it. Suddenly it started to glow! Saren's pelvic bone jumped up in a shower of red sparks and grabbed Garrus and bit his throat out. Tali staggered back as dead Saren pelvis turned into Robo Sovereign/possessed Saren! Garrus was on the ground, dead as a Jordy.
Pressly saw everything, and was going to fight Sovereign, but being old he couldn't jump down so he took the stairs, in that time Tali used her shotgun and was holding Sovereign back. When Pressly arrived he was just in time to put in the final blow. Saren's pelvis/robo machine crumpled into Dust. Tali ran up to Pressly and hugged him.
Tali: We did it ! We defeated Saren! Too bad Garrus didn't make it.
Pressly: He will be missed, by some people.
Outside a huge explosion was heard as The Normandy finished Sovereign off.
Pressly: Lets get out of here before something bad happens!
The two ran up to the window as the normandy pulled up. A few mass effect rounded shattered the glass and Tali and Presssly jumped into the bay. The Normandy pulled away before a rather large Soveriegn leg crashed into the tower.
Pressly went up to the bridge and observed his handy work. He had did it. He saved the galaxy.
Tali stood behind him.
Tali: What now?
Pressly: Tell Joker its back to Noveria, and step on it.
Back to Noveria.
Shepard had dealt with Benezia, he now staggered into the Normandy, tired and dirty. Alshy and Wrex crawled in behind him. Pressly went to greet him, looking as clean as ever.
Pressly: How did it go, Commander?
Shepard: *sigh* Long. Cold. Boring. and in the end we had to kill the boobs.
Pressly: You look tired, sir.
Shepard: I can't rest now. Before she died Benezia told us about something called the conduit. We have to find it and stop Saren! Go tell Joker to head to Liara's Dig Site, we need answers. and hurry, Saren waits for nothing.
Pressly: Yeah, about that..........
Shepard looked around.
Shepard: Say, whares Kaiden?
Pressly: Him? Well, you know that lump on his head? It turned out to be a tumor. He didn't make it.
Shepard: Too bad. and Have you seen Gar-
Pressly: Tumor. Same one, actually.
Shepard: oh...kay. Anyway, there will be time to mourn later. To Liara's dig site!!!
Shepard went to his quarters as Joker flew to Therum.
Pressly needed a plan so Shepard would'nt know what happened when he was gone. Pressly needed someone that would do anything for Commander Shepard...Conrad Verner!
Pressly called up Conrad and convinced him to disguise him self as the Geth and Liara on Therum.
On Therum Shepard was totally convinced that the enemies he was fighting and the asari he was talking to were real.
Shepard: I have never met a sexy Asari as you before, we should start dateing.
Conrad: My wife will be so impressed!
Shepard took Conrad back to the ship. He flirted with Conrad as the Ship flew to Feros.
Pressly convinced Conrad to dress up as Fia Dan, the Thorean and more Geth in order to convice Shepard. He would do anything for Commander Shepard.
Eventually Conrad disquised himself as every enemy and ally Pressly had met on his pursuit for Saren. After Feros, Vermire and X-57 it was time for Shepard to romance Liara while in route to Illos...again.
After a night with Commander Shepard, Conrad was scarred for life! His wife would file devorce after hearing that.
Fortuneately Pressly was able to convince Shepard (with the help of some achohol)that he was fighting Saren and Sovereign and saveing the Gallaxy. A drunk Shepard stumbled in the the council chambers rekilling Saren and Sovereign.
2 Months Later...
Joker: It's not the Geth!!!
The collector ship fired it's weapon and blew the crap out of the Normandy. Just like Pressly blew the crap out of himself while in the restroom. Explosions went boom! As people died.
Shepard's love interest Conrad Verner ran over to Shepard who was putting his helment on.
Conrad: Joker is still on board the ship he still refuses to leave.
Shepard: Go I will save Joker!
Conrad: No I love you!
Shepard: Do as your told ****!
Conrad: ok.....
Conrad went to the escape pod.
Shepard ran up stairs into the un pressureized top deck. He went through chairs to get to Joker!
Joker in a pressurized section and was piloting the ship, next to him was two bodies.
Joker: I can still save her.
Shepard: The Normandy is lost dieing wont change that.
Joker: Ok your right.
Shepard tossed Joker in the Escape pod.
Joker: Ow my spineobifida!!!
Shepard was going to get in when the Collector Dreadnaught fired again.
Joker: Commander!?!
Shepard could'nt move something had his leg. He looked down.
XO Pressly was foaming at the mouth and had fangs. Pressly had crazy eyes and face. Pressly was holding onto Shepard, Pressly began to thrash around as he bit into Shepard's uniform; leaking oxygen. The Collector beam got closer!
Shepard: Go!
And he hit the button sending Joker away, just as the Normandy blew up. Shepard and Pressly was dead.
2 Years Later...
Illusive Man: Have you found Shepard?
Miranda: We have recovered the Body.
Illusive Man: We can rebuild him... Stronger, Faster, more gender-bendy-er! Begin Project Lazarus. Shepard is our only hope for fighting the Reapers.
In a remote station somewhere Wilson and Miranda was standing over Commander Shepard who was being brought out of Coma.
Wilson: THis is SOOOO Exhiteing!!!
Miranda: And he is such a dreamboat!!!
Shepard's eyes opened. He looked around.
Wilson: Welcome to our Random Cerberus Space Station!!!
Miranda: It is a pleasure to meet you Commander Shepard!
Shepard: Shepard???
Miranda: What do you mean?
Pressly: I'm XO Pressly!!!
Miranda: You mean your not Commander Shepard?
Pressly: No. Do you have any medimusal?
Jacob walks in.
Jacob: How do we tell the Illusive Man?
Wilson puts a gun to his head and fires........
The End.
What happens when Shepard is gone
Noveria.
Immidiately after Shepard had become a Spectre, the Normandy had left the Citadel to go fight the Geth and find Saren, who was really mean and didn't like Shepard. The fist stop was Noveria, as The Normandy docked Shepard went to talk to Pressly.
Shepard: Pressly!
Pressly: yes, sir?
Shepard: Im going to find that boob lady Capt. Anderson and Udina mentioned, and Im taking Ashly and Wrex with me. Watch the ship and make sure nothing happens. Or this time you'll lose more than your hair, got it?
Pressly: Understood, Commander. I promise the Normandy will be here when you get back.
Shepard: Good.
He then turned around and strode out, followed by Wrex and Ashley. A few minutes later a voice was heard over the intercom.
Voice: Commander Shepard has left the Ship, XO Pressly is now the commanding officer.
Pressly listened thoughtfully, his eyes closed, until the voice stopped. The he straigtened his jacket and smoothed out what hair he had left. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. With Shepard gone it was all up to him.
He raced up to the pilots seat and forcefully threw Joker out onto the floor, sat down like Capt. Picard and turned on the comm.
Pressly: Alright, listen up. We all know how incompetant "commander" Shepard is. If anyone is going to stop Saren its not going to be him. We have a mission that needs to be fuffiled, with or perferably without Shepard, we're going to get it down. Im in charge now, so we're going to do things my way from now on! Joker, plot a course to Liara's Dig Site, lets see if she knows anything. INGAGE! *points figure forward* ..............where the hell is Joker?
Joker: I think you broke my legs!
Pressy: In war, sacrfices must be made. Now take us out of here before Shepard gets back!
Liara's Dig Sight.
Pressly didn't have any cool armor for himself, but after snooping in Shepard's room he found a spare one. Strangely it was a female peice that looked supsiciously like the one Tali was wearing the other day but he didn't care and put it on anyway. IT was a tight fit and Pressly's old man flab bulged and gave him muffin tops everywhere.
he went to the bridge where the crew was waiting.
Pressly: Tali, Garrus, your with me. We're going to make this quick.
Tali: Hey, is that my armor your wearing?
Pressly: Remember, Sacrifices. Move out.
They got in the Mako and landed into a sawrm of Geth and those big mega Geth, but they were easily cut down by the cannon.
After wading through Geth Guts and Circuitry, PRessly and crew found a hole going down into the dig site. He took out a pistol he borrowed from Garrus and went in.
There was old stuff everywhere becuase it was a dig site. Water dripped from the ceiling and onto PResly, causing his face to become pruny. Tali surveyed the area.
Tali: im picking up a life sign, in a that way direction.
Garrus: It's probably Benezia's daughter. What are we going to do when we find her?
Pressly: *darkly* What needs to be dine.
After taking a really boring trip in an elevator and falling down a couple of times they stumbled upon an energy feild. Behind the energy field was Liara.
Pressly: Liara T'soni?
Liara: Y-yes, thats me. Thank the goddess, Im glad your not geth.
Tali: Your glad? But I thought...considering your mother
Liara: Don't mention the woman, we're not on the same side.
Pressly: So you don't know what Saren's up to.
Liara: No.
Garrus. THen I guess we're done here.
Pressly: Lets get out of here.
He turned around and came face to face with a Krogan,
Mean Krogan: Give us the scientist! Grrrr.
Pressly: Okay. We don't need her anyway.
Liara:
Suddenly things started exploding and falling down. Pressly grabbed Garrus and used him to ram through the Krogan while Tali took care of his geth allies. After the evil poeple were defeat they ran outside, just before the cave exploded.
Pressly: Well that was a whole load of nothing! Lets get back to the Normandy, I haven't used the restroom in over an hour!
Feros.
Pressly and crew had landed on Feros, a weird backwater planet with weirder colonizers. After fighting through minor geth resistence and laughing when some guy randomly exploded,. PRessly Tali and Garrus went to see Fai Dan.
Pressly: Greetings, I assume your the leader here?
Fai Dan: Leader? Those are words the MAN uses. Here at Zhu's Hope, we're more like a coagulation of collective free spirits, ya know. Just a herd of dandilions swaying in the breeze of life.
Pressly: Have you seen any Geth around here.
Fai Dan: Oh many, always ruining my vibe, and the parties aren't so swinging becuase half of the colony is dead. Heeeey, you have people! Can we come over? I have meth.
Pressly: RETREAT!
But PRessly, being old and frail, had to be carried by Garrus down to the Normandy while Tali provided cover fire. They barely made it through the doors before Fai Dan and other wierdoes caught up to them. In the decontamination chamber Garrus was wheezing.
Garrus :*wheeze* I never knew you weighed so much....*wheeze*...I think im going to puke.....
Tali: You should be able to tell he's not a light weight, just look at the bulges coming out of MY suit he's wearing.
Pressly: Your both cranky! Go to the brig!
Tali: But the Normandy doesn't have one.
Pressly: Fine, then go find me some hair I can put on my head.
Pressly went up to where Joker was monitoring the scene.
Joker: Hey Pressly, that suit does wonders to your figure.
Pressly: Can it. I need a status report.
Joker: Fai Dan and his fellow "hep Cats" are crawling all over the ship. They really want in sir.
PRessly: I'll see that for myself. On screen.
Joker pushed a button and on the screen an image popped up showing the ground outsidr the Normandy. Fai was Standing there, waving crazily.
Fai Dan: Hey! HI! HEY! Nice place! Can we come in? Come on, don't be a square.
Joker: Hm. I can smell the meth from here. So, what are you going to do about it?
Pressly: OPEN FIRE!
JOker: Your the boss.
Outside Fai Dan and his people gathered together and gaped at the gun coming out of the Normanday.
Fai Dan: Whoe.....thats the biggest bong I've ever seen...Cool!
The next second the remaining colonizers were wiped out by a couple of quick burst from the Normandy's turret.
Inside Pressly was
Joker: I guess we won't be being bothered by them anymore.
Tali came running up qith adams
Tali: Adams and I were monitoring geth and human comm chatter, and we picked up some stuff. SOmething about a giant mind controlling plant living underneath the colony!
PRessly: phhhht, thats all?
Tali: But how are we going to take care of it.
Pressly: We have nukes, right?
Adams: Of course.
Pressly: Dig a hole to the Thorian and shove a nuke down there.
Adams: What a brilliant idea, I love you!
A few hours of digging and nuke arming later the Normandy left the Feros Atmosphere, down below a huge explosion could be seen. The Thorian was taken care of.
Asteroid X-57
With the problem of Feros solved, but Saren no where in site, Prelly decided it might me time to return to Noveria and see what he could find. He was in Shepard's quarters, squeezing out of Tali's armor, when Joker came in over the comm.
Joker: Pressly, the Council wants a word. With Shepard, if you know what I mean.
Pressly: If they know that Im the head of this mission and not Shepard, they would put me in an old folk's home! Joker, stall them. We can't let them know Shepard isn't here.
Joker: Whatever.
Garrus burst through the door, and screamed as he saw Pressly naked. His eye's burned out as he stared at his wrinkly man-boobs and liver spots. He ran around in circles and clawed at his head.
Pressly: This is what happens when you come charging in here without knocking. what do you want?
Garrus: I over heard you and Joker, and I have an idea.
Pressly: Hurry up.
Garrus: I can do a really good shepard impression, Wrex and I have been making fun of him behind his back, so I think I got it down pretty good. If the Council doesn't see me. They will think its Shepard.
Pressly: You hear this, Joker?
Joker: Im patching the council through right now.
Joker patched the Council through to the comms to speak with them.
Turian Councilman: SHepard? Are you there? Why aren't we on screem?
Then Garrus did the worst shepar impression ever. Pressly cringed and put his hand to his head as Garrus spoke in .high pitched, slightly British voice.
Garrus(as Shepard): Yes. um. we are having some difficulties right now with some systems. Just minor stuff.
Asari Councilman: You sound strange....is there something wrong
Garrus: Joker's being a total jerk, and everyone is stupid but me! blah blah blah! Im so cool just becuase im a spectre. oooo look at me! I have cool armor and guns and five fingers! ooooo!
Salarian Councilman:...............well. Im sure your busy. Just tuned in to tell you Saren has a base one Vermire. BYE!
Pressly: I can't believe they bought it.
Garrus: Told you Im good.
Pressly: I think its becuase there so stupid.
Garrus: So.....are we going to Virmire.
Pressly: After I put some clothes on. and I have something else to take of.
half hour later Pressly was on the Asteroid with Tali and Garrus. It had rockets on it that were driving it towards Terra Nova, and someone had to stop it. Bactarians were everywhere, but PRessly wasn't worried, he could always use Garrus as a sheild when things got heavy.
The first torch was taken out. Then the second came next. Bactarian blood was everywhere. At the second Torch Tali was busy disabaling it. Garrus watched the door was Pressly watched her butt. Then Garrus called out and disappeared behind the doorway.
Pressly: Garrus?
The turain returned with a guy.
Guy: Oh help me I can't find my crew and the bactarians are here! will you find my crew?
Tali: Yeah we kind of figured that.
Garrus: We were told the same thing by some chick on the comm.
Pressly: Everyone here is just stating the obvious. Lets get this over with.
They took out the remainf torches and headed to the main complex, there they met with the bactarian leader.
Bactarian Leader: Stop where you are! you don't know what your doing.
Pressly: Im stopping you.
The leader pointed over to a cell where hostages where being kept, there was also a bomb inside.
Bactarian Leader: If you don't give into my demands-TOO LATE!
and the hostages become like burnt marshmellows and splattered all over the cell wall as the bomb went off.
Pressly: Oh well, I would of refused anyway.
They he did a reverse triple flying back flip and kicked the bactarian leader in the face! Tali threw a couple gernades and garrus took out a shotgun and began firing away at anything that got in his way. In the end Pressly cut off the Bactarian leader's head with one of his grisly old toe nails and the battle was won. He was just about to go out the door when the guy showed up again.
Guy: have you found my crew?
Pressly: Yes, there dead.
Guy: THanks for finding my crew. I hate you!
Pressly: Hey, you said find them, not keep them alive.
The guy went running off somewhere and the left back to the Normandy, setting a course for Vermire.
Vermire..
Vermire was not like the other planets he visited because it had saren on it. Again, Pressly had to navigate (navigate, LOL!) through hordes of Geth in in the Mako, and when he reached the Salarian camp he was supposed to find he was very grumpy because he was old.
The Normanday flew in to meet him, and most poeple got out becuase the inside of the Normandy smelled like Pressly's pants.
The Salarian Captain went to meet him.
Capt. Kirahe: Are you Commander Shepard?
Pressly: Uh, yes.
Capt Kirahe: You don't look like him from what I saw on the vids.
Pressly: .....My face got stuck in one of those suction toilets we have on the Normandy.
Capt Salarian Person: Oh dear, I hope you get better soon. but right now we have a job to do. we need to blow this place up! My team will cuase an distraction while you set the nuke. I'll need of of your team mem-
Pressly: No way! Just go off and die while I kill people.
Captain Kirahe: Okay.
The base was invaded. Along the way Pressly came in contact with a reaper named Sovereign, who talked alot and blew out a window. After that Pressly fought geth and killed crazy salarian in a square room. He also chased a Asari in a senial rage. Finally he reached the middle of the complex where the Normandy was waiting. Kaidan was there, setting up the Nuke.
Pressly: Lets finish this thing so I can have my metamusal and catch reruns of Andy Griffith!
Kaidan: Don't worry I know what im doing!
Pressly: The lump on your head says otherwise.
Then the captain Kirahe came over the comms!
Capt Kirahe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Garrus: We should go help him!
Pressly: *sigh* I guess it will kill the time while Kaidan sets up.
So he took Garrus and Tali and went. But Halfway there he was contacted by Kaidan,
Kaidan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tali: Now Kaidan needs help! what are we going to do Pressly?
Pressly though hard.
Pressly: This is a very hard descision. So I choose neither! Radio joker to pick us up. I don't want to be around when that nuke goes off.
Tali Radioed Joker. And they would of just sat there and waited if not for the fact that suddenly the ground exploded from a grenade. Pressly, Tali, and Garrus scattered as Saren flew down on some hovering thingy.
Saren: Ha! I finally found you, shepard. Nice little diversions you caused, sadly im not fooled so easily.........wait......who the heck are you?!
Pressly: I'm Pressly!!!
Saren: At anyrate Pressly you would undo my work and seal the fate of organic civilization! You see the Reapers cannot be stopped, but they need organics. Sovereign is a machine it thinks like a machine if i can prove my value i am a asset worth saveing. And for that you must DIE!!!
Pressly:................TAKE THIS!
And his threw his boot at Saren, hitting him in the face. as Saren toppled over the Normandy came into view and swooped down, Pressly and company jumped into the open bay doors and the ship took off. Saren hissed and rubbed his face.
Saren: Eeeeew! tastes like old people!
Saren flew away as the place went boom boom.
Ilos.
Pressly knew time was short, he had to stop Saren. Luckily, when he was watching Andy Griffith and chugging Metamusil Tali came to him during a Chora's Den Advertisment and told him to go to Ilos.
Pressly: But don't you live in the engine room?
Tali: Does music really belong anywhere? or is it as free as the eagle? soaring its musical wings where ever the wind takes it. No one owns the notes that make music happen. It belongs to the universe!
Then she disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke and strippers.
After Pressly used the Restroom, he informed the crew of there new destination, and the Normandy went vrrrrooooooooooommmm as it flew to Ilos.
The planet looked like the inside of Pressly's nose. The scanners picked up Saren on the ground, but tossing the mako down there was going to be risky.
Joker: Don't worry, I know what Im doing.
Tali: Thats what Kaiden said before he blew up.
But the Mako made it and Pressly was on the planet. They chased Saren everywhere, eventually they were driving in a huge cavern/hall/highway/complex thing.
Garrus: Do you think we can catch up to him?
Tali: If nothing gets in our way.
A force feild sprung up, trapping the mako.
Pressly: What now? Might as well get out....
They got out and found a door, on the other side of the door was an VI almost as old a Pressly.
It started talking about the Protheans and the Reapers, but Pressly was impatient.
Pressly: I don't care about the protheans right now, I have to stop Saren! I'll look up the protheans on extranet later, just lower the forcefield.
Vigil: But to stop the Reapers you must first understand them.
Pressly: Lower the force field!
Vigil: *defeated* ok....
The VI did so. And Pressly as zooming to the conduit. A giant timer appeared in the air! Pressly was running out of time! In front of them huge spider things that looked like Pressly's prostate blocked their path.
Garrus: Why do old poeple drive so slow!?
Pressly: I don't want to hit anything!
Tali: Here, let me drive!
Tali grabbed the wheel and floored it! They plowed through the Geth Collossi, making it just in time, and flew up into the sky.
The Citadel.
The mako crashed into the citadel, killing five poeple and two geth, but that was okay. As Pressly said, "sacrifices."
Pressly crawled out of the mako, groaning.
Pressly: I think I broke a hip.
Tali: Don't worry I have plenty to spare.
Pressly's hip was fixed, now he had to get to the council chambers. That involved climbing up outisde of the tower and fighting anything that got in their way. Everything was exploding around him! Outside the citadel the fleet was becoming crapped out because Sovereign was killing them.
When Pressly reached the top, he found Saren inside.
Pressly: Stop right there!
Saren: Well. Well. Well, if it isn't the strange old smelly amn from Virmire. What happened to Shepard.?
Pressly: He's around here somewhere, but he doesn't matter. Im takeing you down!
Saren: Not if I do it first! HAHA!
He then took out a pistol and shot himself in the crotch, he toppled over and crashed though some glass onto grass below.
Pressly was smiling.
Pressly: Im letting you go.
Saren: *grown* really?
Pressly: I forgive you.
Pressly ordered Tali to heel him. After some medical stuff Saren was better, except in order to save him it was nessicary to amputate his pelvis area.
Saren: Your the best! I promise never not to kill again.
The rouge spectre with no pelvic bone pranced off into the depths of citidel.
A screen popped up in front of him, and Joker Radioed in.
Joker: I have the whole Alliance Fleet here, orders?
Then a Distress Signal from the Council popped up.
Pressly didn't think at all, they could be a risk of the council finding out it's him instead of Shepard.
Pressly: Focus on Sovereign!
Joker: Aye Aye sir.
Tali: I'll go check if his Pelvis. Come with me Garrus.
The two jumped down and went to inspect the Pelvis, It looked dead, but just to be sure Garrus fired a round into it. Suddenly it started to glow! Saren's pelvic bone jumped up in a shower of red sparks and grabbed Garrus and bit his throat out. Tali staggered back as dead Saren pelvis turned into Robo Sovereign/possessed Saren! Garrus was on the ground, dead as a Jordy.
Pressly saw everything, and was going to fight Sovereign, but being old he couldn't jump down so he took the stairs, in that time Tali used her shotgun and was holding Sovereign back. When Pressly arrived he was just in time to put in the final blow. Saren's pelvis/robo machine crumpled into Dust. Tali ran up to Pressly and hugged him.
Tali: We did it ! We defeated Saren! Too bad Garrus didn't make it.
Pressly: He will be missed, by some people.
Outside a huge explosion was heard as The Normandy finished Sovereign off.
Pressly: Lets get out of here before something bad happens!
The two ran up to the window as the normandy pulled up. A few mass effect rounded shattered the glass and Tali and Presssly jumped into the bay. The Normandy pulled away before a rather large Soveriegn leg crashed into the tower.
Pressly went up to the bridge and observed his handy work. He had did it. He saved the galaxy.
Tali stood behind him.
Tali: What now?
Pressly: Tell Joker its back to Noveria, and step on it.
Back to Noveria.
Shepard had dealt with Benezia, he now staggered into the Normandy, tired and dirty. Alshy and Wrex crawled in behind him. Pressly went to greet him, looking as clean as ever.
Pressly: How did it go, Commander?
Shepard: *sigh* Long. Cold. Boring. and in the end we had to kill the boobs.
Pressly: You look tired, sir.
Shepard: I can't rest now. Before she died Benezia told us about something called the conduit. We have to find it and stop Saren! Go tell Joker to head to Liara's Dig Site, we need answers. and hurry, Saren waits for nothing.
Pressly: Yeah, about that..........
Shepard looked around.
Shepard: Say, whares Kaiden?
Pressly: Him? Well, you know that lump on his head? It turned out to be a tumor. He didn't make it.
Shepard: Too bad. and Have you seen Gar-
Pressly: Tumor. Same one, actually.
Shepard: oh...kay. Anyway, there will be time to mourn later. To Liara's dig site!!!
Shepard went to his quarters as Joker flew to Therum.
Pressly needed a plan so Shepard would'nt know what happened when he was gone. Pressly needed someone that would do anything for Commander Shepard...Conrad Verner!
Pressly called up Conrad and convinced him to disguise him self as the Geth and Liara on Therum.
On Therum Shepard was totally convinced that the enemies he was fighting and the asari he was talking to were real.
Shepard: I have never met a sexy Asari as you before, we should start dateing.
Conrad: My wife will be so impressed!
Shepard took Conrad back to the ship. He flirted with Conrad as the Ship flew to Feros.
Pressly convinced Conrad to dress up as Fia Dan, the Thorean and more Geth in order to convice Shepard. He would do anything for Commander Shepard.
Eventually Conrad disquised himself as every enemy and ally Pressly had met on his pursuit for Saren. After Feros, Vermire and X-57 it was time for Shepard to romance Liara while in route to Illos...again.
After a night with Commander Shepard, Conrad was scarred for life! His wife would file devorce after hearing that.
Fortuneately Pressly was able to convince Shepard (with the help of some achohol)that he was fighting Saren and Sovereign and saveing the Gallaxy. A drunk Shepard stumbled in the the council chambers rekilling Saren and Sovereign.
2 Months Later...
Joker: It's not the Geth!!!
The collector ship fired it's weapon and blew the crap out of the Normandy. Just like Pressly blew the crap out of himself while in the restroom. Explosions went boom! As people died.
Shepard's love interest Conrad Verner ran over to Shepard who was putting his helment on.
Conrad: Joker is still on board the ship he still refuses to leave.
Shepard: Go I will save Joker!
Conrad: No I love you!
Shepard: Do as your told ****!
Conrad: ok.....
Conrad went to the escape pod.
Shepard ran up stairs into the un pressureized top deck. He went through chairs to get to Joker!
Joker in a pressurized section and was piloting the ship, next to him was two bodies.
Joker: I can still save her.
Shepard: The Normandy is lost dieing wont change that.
Joker: Ok your right.
Shepard tossed Joker in the Escape pod.
Joker: Ow my spineobifida!!!
Shepard was going to get in when the Collector Dreadnaught fired again.
Joker: Commander!?!
Shepard could'nt move something had his leg. He looked down.
XO Pressly was foaming at the mouth and had fangs. Pressly had crazy eyes and face. Pressly was holding onto Shepard, Pressly began to thrash around as he bit into Shepard's uniform; leaking oxygen. The Collector beam got closer!
Shepard: Go!
And he hit the button sending Joker away, just as the Normandy blew up. Shepard and Pressly was dead.
2 Years Later...
Illusive Man: Have you found Shepard?
Miranda: We have recovered the Body.
Illusive Man: We can rebuild him... Stronger, Faster, more gender-bendy-er! Begin Project Lazarus. Shepard is our only hope for fighting the Reapers.
In a remote station somewhere Wilson and Miranda was standing over Commander Shepard who was being brought out of Coma.
Wilson: THis is SOOOO Exhiteing!!!
Miranda: And he is such a dreamboat!!!
Shepard's eyes opened. He looked around.
Wilson: Welcome to our Random Cerberus Space Station!!!
Miranda: It is a pleasure to meet you Commander Shepard!
Shepard: Shepard???
Miranda: What do you mean?
Pressly: I'm XO Pressly!!!
Miranda: You mean your not Commander Shepard?
Pressly: No. Do you have any medimusal?
Jacob walks in.
Jacob: How do we tell the Illusive Man?
Wilson puts a gun to his head and fires........
The End.
#6243
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 11:12
Alienmorph
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- 5 591 messages
And... ? It's that so funny for you?
#6244
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 11:25
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Yes. Do you not like Mr Grumpy pants?
#6245
Posté 06 décembre 2010 - 11:35
Dalcon09
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- 29 messages
I didnt laugh, once.
sorry but it just wasn't funny
sorry but it just wasn't funny
#6246
Posté 07 décembre 2010 - 12:53
Pacifien
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- 11 527 messages
I once told the regulars of this thread that I had no problem with the posting of fanfic in this thread providing it was brief. I'm going to say that a fanfic over 4000 words long and covering nearly 30 pages in an Open Office document due to its format does not qualify as brief. I can't give any steadfast rule on this, but I would suggest limiting fanfics directly posted to the thread to being less than 1000 words and properly formatted using the standard form. Anything longer should be left to a link, and you have an option to post it as a blog on this website if you need a place to host it. In the future, such lengthy fics will be removed. Thank you.
#6247
Guest_mrsph_*
Posté 07 décembre 2010 - 01:22
Guest_mrsph_*
Guest_mrsph_*
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Skymirror wrote...
Okay new topic: I know Tali distrust cerberus as a whole but what do you think is her take on The Illusive Man himself. What would she say if she got the chance to speek to the man behind it all.
TIM was behind what was probably the biggest attack on the Migrant Fleet in its existence. So he would probably be in deep**** if he encountered Tali or any quarian.
#6248
Posté 07 décembre 2010 - 01:33
PseudoEthnic
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I laughed, CC. There's nothing wrong with silly humor.
#6249
Posté 07 décembre 2010 - 01:59
Spartas Husky
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Read the post instructed by Pacifien... glad to have this topic back I guess.
[Edited to add: Please read this post in regards to discussion allowed on the character threads (or any thread) on the forums. Thank you. -- Pacifien]
[Edited to add: Please read this post in regards to discussion allowed on the character threads (or any thread) on the forums. Thank you. -- Pacifien]
Modifié par Spartas Husky, 07 décembre 2010 - 07:29 .
#6250
Posté 07 décembre 2010 - 02:00
ElectricZ
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Skymirror wrote...
Okay new topic: I know Tali distrust cerberus as a whole but what do you think is her take on The Illusive Man himself. What would she say if she got the chance to speek to the man behind it all.
All things being equal, I think Tali's first instinct would be for her to gut him like a fish with that knife in her boot.
But I don't think it would go beyond that. TIM's their primary support on a mission that ultimately affects the whole galaxy, including the Migrant Fleet. She may THINK about removing his appendix via his throat, but she's no dummy.
Now she might not be above dropping some listening devices or reprogramming some consoles to make him easier to get to later, but I wouldn't think she'd go beyond that... especially without Shepard's approval. In ME3, though, who knows... If Shep's told TIM to FO and they've got the newly promoted Shadow Broker in their corner, Tali just might get that nod if the opportunity arose. But she might just have to take a number...
Modifié par ElectricZ, 07 décembre 2010 - 02:02 .
