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[horacethegrey]

(After Shepard helps Grunt with his Rite of Passage.)

Shepard: Okay Grunt. You're free to go.

Grunt: (apprehensive) Grunt no go.

Shepard: Aw, come on Grunt. You're an Urdnot now.

Grunt: Grunt stay with Shepard. Shepard first man to ever whip Grunt. Grunt impressed. Have deep feelings for Shepard.

Garrus: (chuckling) Ohohoho. I think you'd better watch out big fella. I think Grunt's taken a little fancy to you.

Grunt: (visibly embarrased) Ooohh! Grunt straight! (sweeps his arms wide, knocking down Shepard and Garrus.)

************

Shepard: Grunt? Why wouldn't Okeer cure the Genophage?

Grunt: Don't know... (looks up at the camera) Grunt only pawn in game of Life.

[AresXX7]

I must admit, this is very addictive.    Here's a few from Blazing Saddles.


Charn: I got it! I know how we can run every human out of the Skyllian Verge.
Balak: How?
Charn: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
Balak: [after some consideration] Too Krogan.


Garrus: Where you headed, Commander?
Shepard: Nowhere special.
Garrus: Nowhere special; I always wanted to go there.
Shepard: Come on


[Garrus is bidding farewell to the people of Omega]
Garrus: Work here is done. I'm needed elsewhere now. I'm needed wherever mercenaries rule the Terminus, wherever innocent women and children are afraid to walk the streets, wherever a man cannot live in simple dignity, wherever a people cry out for justice.
Crowd: [in unison] BULLSH*T!
Garrus: All right, you caught me. Speaking the plain truth is getting pretty damn dull around here.

[Esbatty]

*lovingly humps this thread*

[HK-90210]

EDI: Shall I have Joker beam you down, sir?
Shepard: I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?
EDI: Oh yes, sir. Joker beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful...

Modifié par CastonFolarus, 26 septembre 2010 - 03:16 .

[Sajuro]

-in dark space-
Reaper 1: We managed to get the code to the citadel Relay: 1,2,3,4,5

Reaper 2: 1,2,3,4,5? That sounds like a combination an idiot would use for their luggage.

Harbinger: -flies up- did you get the code?

Reaper 1: It worked sir, we have the combination.

Harbinger: what's the combination ?

Reaper 2: 1,2,3,4,5

Harbinger: 1,2,3,4,5?

Reaper 2: Yes.

Harbinger: That's amazing, I have the same combination on my luggage -Reaper 1 and 2 look at eachother- Prepare for immediate departure... ands change the combination on my luggage

-------
-Escaping the Collector ship, the squad consisting of Shepard, Jack, and Garrus jump through closing door.-

-Collectors surround the group on the other side of the door-

Drone: Don't move or you're dead, captain we got them!

Guardian: -comes in- Spectacular stunt my friends but all for naught, turn around please. -squad turns around to reveal Jack is a lanky man with facial hair smoking cigar, Shepard has meth teeth, and Garrus has an eyepatch- ah what a pity. What, a, pity, so Shepard you think you could outwith the coll- sees the stunts doubles- oh:o. YOU IDIOTS, these are not them, you captured their stunt doubles! Search the area, find them, FIND THEM!

[JedTed]

*Collector General running around trying to find the button to deactivate the base's self destruct*
Collector General: "Out of Order?!"
Harbinder: "Damn, even in the future nothing works!"

[JedTed]

*The Council panicing as Sovereign and the geth attack the Citadel*
The Council:  "Shepard, Shepard, help us!  We don't know what do, WE'RE POLITITIANS!!"

[betd2]

Saren: Im... impossible. I... I cannot be beaten. I am the Dark Lord of the Reapers.

Shepard: This is the way of the Dark Side, Saren - All things end in death.

Saren: Still... still spouting the wisdom of the Specters, I see. Maybe there is more truth in their code than I ever believed. I... I cannot help but wonder, Shepard. What would have happened had our positions been reversed? What if fate had decreed I would be captured by the Council? Could I have returned to the Light, as you did? If you had not led me down the Dark Path in the first place, what destiny would I have found?

Shepard: I am sorry I started you on this path. But you chose to continue down it.

Saren: I suppose... I suppose you speak the truth. I alone must accept responsibility for my fate. I wanted to be Master of the Reapers and ruler of the galaxy. But that destiny was not mine, Shepard. It might have been yours, perhaps... but never mine. And in the end, as the darkness takes me... I am nothing.

[P3G4SU5]

This thread is so full of WIN:lol:.

[betd2]

[Harkin has been left to die in a trap set by his angry wife. he's surrounded by mechs that will explode if he moves]
Miranda: I say we leave him.
Harkin: You know, you're pretty heartless for such a pretty lady.
Miranda: I take it back. Let's congratulate his wife.
Legion: Observation: Consenus achived. Recommend we blast the meatbag and save you the trouble Shepard-Commander.
Harkin: What's with all the Mechs lately? Did my wife get to you too?
Legion : Negative. We just do not like organic meatbags. Except for Shepard-Commander, of course. HA-HA.

Modifié par betd2, 26 septembre 2010 - 11:37 .

[MadCat221]

Can we at least keep it on the topic of Mel Brooks movies?

[betd2]

MadCat221 wrote...

Can we at least keep it on the topic of Mel Brooks movies?

no

[Sajuro]

-Thane's alternate way to deal with Krogan-

Thane: -walks in dressed up in messenger outfit to see blood pack member beating people up- Candygram for Uvenk Grot -waddles up to the krogan- Candygram for Uvenk Grot, Candygram for Uvenk Grot.

Grot: I'm Grot.

Thane: Sign please -holds out for and Grot signs- thank you -puts fingers into ears as he walks out-

Grot: Grot like candy -opens box- *BOOM*

--On Board the Normandy SR2 at dinner time, Shepard and the crew are eating beans, special beans are provided for Garrus and paste for Tali--

Shepard: *burp*

Thane: *fart*

Shepard: *fart*

Jacob: *fart*

Garrus: *long fart*

Zaeed: *fart fart*

Miranda: *fart*

Tali: Air filter failing *gag, gasp for air* Keeeeeelaaaah -dies-

[AresXX7]

Fist: Save me, save me! Hurt them, hurt them!

Bodyguard: Right! Save them, save them, hurt you, hurt you! I've got it!


Saren: So it's come to this, has it? A fight to the death, mano a mano, man to man, just you and me and my *Geth*!


Collector Guard: [rushes into stasis pods room] I just told my boss the good news and... 

[sees that all the colonists has escaped]

Collector Guard: and... and I'm in deep sh*t!


Shepard: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?

Female Batarian: Up yours, human.


Shepard: Well, it got so that every ******-ant Terminus punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into the system to try out the human Spectre. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... and there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old Vorcha. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest bar, crawled inside a Batarian Ale bottle, and I've been there ever since.

Modifié par AriesXX7, 27 septembre 2010 - 03:00 .

[betd2]

Garrus: Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive's name is Sidonis. Go get him.

[cihimi]

Shepard: Who's the target?
Kelhamt: What?
Shepard: What planet you from?!
Kelham: Wh-what?
Shepard: What ain't no planet I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
Kelham: What?
Sheprad: English, mother-fu**er! Do you speak it?!
Kelham: Yes.
Shepard: Then you know what I'm saying?!
Kelham: Yes.
Shepard: Who is the target?!
Kelham: What?
Shepard: Say "what" again! Say "what" again! I dare you, I double dare you, mother-fu**er! Say "what" one more Goddamn time!
Kelham: He's Turian.
Shepard: Go on!
Kelham: He's hates humans.
Shepard: Does he look like a b***h?!
Kelham: What? Owwww! (Carnifex butt in da face).

Modifié par cihimi, 27 septembre 2010 - 01:02 .

[horacethegrey]

Tarak: Jentha!
Jentha: YES SIR!
Tarak: (sqinting from Jentha's scream in his ear) I've decided to launch an attack that will reduce Archangel to nothing but atomized dust.
Jentha: What do you want me to do, sir? 
Tarak: I want you to round up every vicious criminal and merc on Omega. Take this down. 
[Jentha looks for a datapad while Tarak talks] 
Tarak: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Reaper agents, Skyllian bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, red sanders, blue sanders, ass-kickers, ****-kickers and Scientologists. 
Jentha: [finding datapad] Could you repeat that, sir? 
Tarak: [trying to hold back a scream] Arrgghhh....

Modifié par horacethegrey, 27 septembre 2010 - 01:05 .

[Sajuro]

-Shepard after returning from a mission-
Shepard: Kelly, listen to me, they've taken the normandy!.

Kelly: I thought I felt a draft. Course, this never would have happened if Garrus was still alive.

Shepard: He's dead?

Kelly: Yes.

Shepard: And Tali?

Kelly: She died of pneumonia while... oh, you were away...


Shepard: My squadmates?

Kelly: They were all killed by the plague.

Shepard: Joker?

Kelly: He fell down and broke his neck.

Shepard: My Space Hamster?

Kelly: Eaten by Urz.

Shepard Urz?

Kelly: choked on your space hamster. Oh, you've got a new message on your private terminal.

[earthbornFemShep]

Sajuro wrote...
Shepard Urz?

Kelly: choked on your space hamster. Oh, you've got a new message on your private terminal.

lol!  love the men in tights reference!  okay, here's some more Spaceballs for you...

After saving Tali from Haestrom, Grunt walks in the cargo bay with loads of geth parts, including a bag of parts he's carrrying with his teeth.
Shepard:  Checking in?  What the HELL is all THAT?
Grunt: *mumbling with the bag in his mouth* t's er oyal uarian's atched eth arts.
Shepard:  What?
Grunt: *spits out the bag* HER ROYAL QUARIAN'S MATCHED GETH PARTS!
Shepard: Matched geth parts, huh?  What does she think this is, the Alarei?

Modifié par earthbornFemShep, 27 septembre 2010 - 03:23 .

[Sajuro]

earthbornFemShep wrote...

Sajuro wrote...
Shepard Urz?

Kelly: choked on your space hamster. Oh, you've got a new message on your private terminal.

lol!  love the men in tights reference!  okay, here's some more Spaceballs for you...

After saving Tali from Haestrom, Grunt walks in the cargo bay with loads of geth parts, including a bag of parts he's carrrying with his teeth.
Shepard:  Checking in?  What the HELL is all THAT?
Grunt: *mumbling with the bag in his mouth* t's er oyal uarian's atched eth arts.
Shepard:  What?
Grunt: *spits out the bag* HER ROYAL QUARIAN'S MATCHED GETH PARTS!
Shepard: Matched geth parts, huh?  What does she think this is, the Alarei?

-On Haelstrom-
-Geth start attacking-
Tali: What's going on?

Kal'reegar: Either it's the fourth of July, or someone's trying to kill us.

Tali:.... wait a minute, I don't have to put with this, I'm rich. -picks up phone-

Kal'reegar: what are you doing?

Tali: I'm calling my daddy -gets a busy signal-

[horacethegrey]

(Omega, Afterlife. The Blue Suns are combing the place for Shepard and his crew, when they confront Aria and her dancers.)

Aria: Girls! Put on your no entry signs! 

(The dancers put on no entry signs over their- ahem... privates.)

Aria: We are about to confront...guys!

(Aria approaches the mercs, led by Tarak.)

Aria: How dare you! No mere mercs may search Afterlife at their leisure!

Tarak: (whimpering) As you wish. You're beautiful when-

Aria: SHOVE IT!

Tarak: (purring) Rrrrrr..... (stops when Cathka whispers to him) SPEAK UP CATHKA!

Cathka: Asari. (some random gibberish) Kaka.

Tarak: What? (looks at some Asari bodyguards who are standing to the side) That guard over there… She looks rather butch.

(The guard in question is Jacob, covered in blue makeup and fitted with a fake boobs and asari tentacles. At Tarak’s questioning, he adopts a more feminine pose.)

Tarak: Aren’t Asari supposed to be similar to human females? She looks more like a human male.

(Just then, Miranda, also disguised as an Asari, slides up beside Aria.)

Miranda: (whispers) It’s Jacoba. You’re personal assistant.

Aria: Ahem. You’ll have to excuse her, she’s only 30. She hasn’t got her spots!

Tarak: Then if she is truly an Asari like you, there’ll be no harm to take the test.

Miranda: (eyes widen) Test?

Aria: (confused) Test?

Jacob: (looking fearful) Test?!

Tarak: (chuckling) Test. (points to the bodyguards) Guards! Come down here!

(The bodyguards, including Jacob, go down the steps.)

Tarak: Lets us have Caldonia perform her highly erotic temple dance in praise of your Goddess. (turns to the guards) And if all these creatures are indeed Asari…

(He and Cathka share a chuckle)

Tarak: Then nothing… SHOULD ARISE! Get it? (elbows Cathka, but strikes his armor, which makes him wince) Caldonia! Let’s make their big heads so hard!

(In comes Caldonia, an Asari dancer dressed in the most revealing outfit. She slithers across the floor towards the guards. At the sight of her, Jacob’s tongue drops all the way to his chest. )

(Caldonia approaches the first asari, who stands impassively while she dances all around her.)

Tarak: She’s an asari.

(She then dances seductively towards the second Asari, who stands still as well.)

Tarak: She’s an asari.

(As she approaches the third asari, Caldonia increases the tempo of her dance, displaying moves that are sure to bring a hardon to any male.)

Jacob: (breathing heavily) FU! FU! FU! FU!

(Caldonia dances in front of the Asari, who still stands impassively.  Tarak and Cathka, on the other hand, look hot and bothered.)

Tarak: SHE’S DEAD!

(Finally Caldonia approaches Jacob, who looks up to the heavens for the strength to keep his libido in check. Shepard, who’s been watching behind some curtains, whispers to Miranda.)

Shepard: (whispers) He’ll never survive!

(Caldonia then stops her dance, posing lustfully in front of Jacob. At that moment, a huge bulge grows in Jacob’s pants.)

Tarak: (triumphantly) THE JIG IS UP!

Jacob: (running) AND GONE!

Modifié par horacethegrey, 27 septembre 2010 - 06:23 .

[horacethegrey]

double post sorry

Modifié par horacethegrey, 27 septembre 2010 - 06:23 .

[Sajuro]

-Garrus Recruitment mission-

Shepard: -sneaking up on Cathka with electrical equipment and stabs it into his back for Renegade interrupt- You're working too hard.

Cathka: What the hell are you doing?

Shepard: Uh, I was trying to overload your pack and electrocute you so you wouldn't repair the gunship?

Cathka: No no stupid, you got it much to high. -pulls device out- the charging port is right here near where the shoulder meets the neck.

Shepard: Like this? -stabs Cathka in the back-

Cathka: Yeah, that's it -gets electrocuted and dies-

Shepard: Thanks. -takes tech upgrade from his work station- thanks again.

[PissedofatEA]

we are gonna run out of mel brooks material soon.

We need to move on to something else, something as epic......

Something like....

MONTY PYTHONS FLYING CIRCUS!

Modifié par PissedofatEA, 03 octobre 2010 - 12:48 .

[AusShep]

Not done with the mel brooks yet

Miranda: "Shepard, have you tried the new Normandy teleporters?"
Shepard: "I don't know about that beaming stuff, is it safe?"
Miranda: "Oh yes, Kelly beamed me last night. It was wonderful."
Shepard: "Ah all right, what the hell, it works on star Trek."
TELEPORTS TO THE CIC.
Shep: "Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?"
Garrus: "Sorry Commander, I'll reset the calibrations."
TELEPORTS BACK.
Miranda: "Sorry about that, should we try again?"
Shep: "No, forget it, no more beaming, this time I'm gonna take the elevator!"

Modifié par AusShep, 03 octobre 2010 - 01:50 .