80 réponses à ce sujet

[DarkCloudd]

ROFL this thread is full of epic win and I request a Sticky so everyone can see it and add to it.

[shengar]

Continue this epicness please. I would like to add mine but i don't watch Spaceballs too often.

[AusShep]

Turian Councilor: I didn't expect some sort of Reaper invasion.

Reapers: No one expects the Reapers! Our chief weapon is fear. Just fear... And surprise. Our two chief weapons are fear and surprise.. and an almost fanatical devotion to galactic genocide... Our THREE weapons are, oh forget it.

[TimelessOne9009]

MadCat221 wrote...

Tali: Noboooooody knows... but Keelaaaaaahhhh....

Shepard: It's her.

Garrus: ...She's a bass!

Most Epic win EVER!  I will be laughing for weeks!

[frozngecko]

I love you for doing this.

[AresXX7]

Stoned Collector: Do you care if it blows?
Stoned Collector: What?
Stoned Collector: The Collector Base?
Stoned Collector: [laughs] F*ck it!

Tali: We've got to get off Haestrom!
Kal'Reegar: But how? The surfaces are crawling with Geth! See?
[they look down and see Geth crawling, literally, across the surface] 

Casey Hudson: The developer Bioware has given you these fifteen... (drops datapad) Oi. Ten! Ten Codex Entries for all to obey!

(After choosing to blow up the base.)
Miranda: Wait!
TIM: What for?
Miranda: If you promise not to kill Shepard, I shall do the most disgusting thing that I can think of.
Jacob: Oooohhh...heavy risk... 
TIM: Oh? And what's that?
Miranda: I shall marry you.
TIM: What? You'll be mine? You'll give yourself to me every night? And sometimes, right after lunch?
Miranda: Yes, but only my body. You can never have my heart, my mind, or my soul!
TIM: Oh, oh yes! I respect that.

Shepard: [trying to unlock the enviro-suit] Um, darling?
Tali: [in sultry voice] What?
Shepard: You're not going to believe this...
Tali: What?
Shepard: It won't open!
Tali: WHAT?
Shepard: Wait, I have an idea! Call an engineer!


Angry Squadmates: LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!

Modifié par AriesXX7, 04 octobre 2010 - 10:11 .

[AusShep]

Shep: "Are you The Illusive Man?"

TIM: "Yes"

Shep: "Well what's your real name?"

TIM: "There are some who call me..... Tim."



*********



Collector ship after Normandy has escaped.

GENERAL: "What happened? Where did they go?"

DRONE: "They must have FTL on that thing."

GENERAL: "And what have we got? A rocket engine?"

DRONE: "Yes sir"

GENERAL: "Well find them, catch them."

DRONE: "Yes sir, prepare ship for FTL..."

GENERAL: "No, no FTL's too slow. We need to go to. Ludicrous speed!"

DRONE: "Ludicrous speed? We've never gone that fast before, I dont know if this ship can take it."

GENERAL: "What's the matter Drone? Chicken???"

[Count Viceroy]

Epic thread is epic, the luggage code one had me in tears.

[r0ckfan]

*fermshep walks out of the normandy* Femshep: Archangel is not the masior he is a very naurty boy



[sorry couldnt help it]

[Chuvvy]

Ludicrous Speed.

[vkt62]

priceless

[Sajuro]

 -Shepard is captured by the Uvenk and being walked to the torture chamber-
Host: and if there is anything you need, don't hesitate to scream
-Turian is head screaming-
Host: Coming! oh we are so busy. -hurries off-
++++++++++++

-Shepard and Garrus are eating at a diner on Omega-
Waitress: What will yall be having?
Shepard: I'll have the soup.
Garrus: I'll have the special.
-some cerberus operatives are talking when one starts having stomach pain-
Operative#1: Waitress, bring this guy some water!
Operative#2: Water my ass! Bring this guy some peptobismol.
Garrus: Waitress, what did he order?
Waitress: the special.
Garrus: The special? That's what I ordered! Change mine to the soup.
Shepard: Good move.
-Alien bursts out of the operative's chest and hisses-
Cerberus: Oh no, not again -dies-
Alien: -jumps out of stomach and hisses, then puts on hat and dances across counter- Hello my baby hello my 
baby hello my ragtime gal. Send me a kiss by wire, honey my heart's one fire. If you refuse me then you will lose me and honey you'll be left alone. Baby come home, and tell me I'm your ooooowwn -dances into back-
-Garrus and Shepard stand up- Both: Check please!

[Exiled Eagle]

*on the Normandy while installing Repear IFF, Joker's screen starts getting static*

Joker: woom woom woom woom woom woom wa wah wah wah wah wah chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-****! Boop boop....*contacts Shepard with intercom* bloop bloop boop, sir?

Shepard: What is it?

Joker: Can I talk to you for a minute please, sir?

*Shepard walks to the cockpit*

Shepard: Well?

Joker:*still using intercom* Eyhm hawveeng troahble wit da IFF, sir.

Shepard:*pulling away intercom* You don't need that, Joker. I'm right here, now what is it?

Joker: *still speaking intercom* Eyhm hawveeng troahble wit da IFF, sir.

*Shepard angrily destroys the intercom system*

Shepard: Now what is it?!

Joker: I'm having trouble with the IFF, sir.

Shepard: What's wrong with it?

Joker: I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps!

Shepard: The what?

EDI: The what?

Shepard: And the what?

Joker: You know, the bleeps: boop, bleh-blooop, beh-blooop. The sweeps: *nonsense that can't be typed. And the creeps: Da, da, doo DAH, doo doo.

EDI: That's not all he's lost....

Joker: Sir, the systems, sir.....they appear to be....jammed!

*slushies made from the colonists drip from random areas in the cockpit*

Shepard: Jammed.....*Shepard wipes colonist slushie from the area and tastes it* Colonists.....there's only one who would dare use colonists! HARBINGER!

[MatronAdena]

Harbinger's voice: Self destruct in 10, 9, 8, 6..

Collector General : 6!?! what happened to 7?!?!

Harbinger: just kidding!

Modifié par MatronAdena, 14 novembre 2010 - 09:45 .

[Sajuro]

 Balak: -takes his gauntlet off and slaps shepard with his hand- I challenge you to a duel.
-squad mates gasp-
Shepard: Very well -takes off his gauntlet and smacks Balak upside the head with it- I accept.

[Chuvvy]

TIM: Let's go look at Mr. Radar

TIM: Why is it making that bubbling gurgling noise?

Jacob: Sir, that's Mr. Coffee

TIM: I know that! I always have coffee when I look at Mr. Radar, you know that.

[Sinapus]

*Shepard is in Liara's office and a Salarian businessman rushes in*
Salarian: Spectre! The Shadow Broker's private army's tearing up the city! You've gotta help us, please!
Shepard: You hear that? Now it's "please". This morning I couldn't get the time of day. Who is this Shadow Broker?
Liara: The Shadow Broker is not really a "who" more like a "what". *Salarian nods in vigorous agreement*
Shepard: Well, I guess I'll see what I can do.
Salarian: Thank you, Spectre! Thank you! *rushes to doorway and shouts* THE FOOL IS GOING-er, THE SPECTRE IS GOING TO DO IT!

Liara: That shield's too strong! I have an idea.
*flees room* *returns in messenger outfit holding box*
Liara: Candygram for the Shadow Broker...

ETA: I can't believe I didn't think of this:

Any of the Citadel Councillors: We've got to protect our phoney-baloney jobs!
(Or I guess the all-human council could be lead by the Honorable William J Lepetomane, which really makes one wonder about some Renegade decisions...)
Udina: The meeting is adjourned. Oh sorry, I've overstepped my bounds, Councillor. You say that.
Lepetomane: Say what?
Udina: Meeting adjourned.
Lepetomane: It is?

Modifié par Sinapus, 17 novembre 2010 - 10:11 .

[Sajuro]

-Shepard and squad are walking through a forest when Zaeed blocks the bridge over a small stream-

Zaeed: Shepard, we aren't going any further!

Shepard: What the hell is this about?

Zaeed: You let Vido guddamn get away! I'm not moving 'til you fight me! -throws down gun-

Shepard: so be it -throws down gun and Garrus taps him on the shoulder- one second.

Garrus: Listen Shepard, this is no big deal-hops to other side of the stream- I'm on the east side -hops back- I'm on the west side, we aren't exactly talking about the Presidium lake here.

Shepard: That isn't the point Garrus, it's the principle.

Garrus: -looks to Zaeed and then to Shepard- alright, it's been nice knowing you.

- Shepard and Zaeed fight, matching blows until Shepard kicks him in the shin and pushes him into the stream with him landing on his back-

Shepard: You had this coming Zaeed.

Zaeed: -panicking- help me Shepard I can't swim -starts flailing wildly  in streaming- I'm drowning, oh god I'm drowning!

*Paragon Path*

Shepard: ...... -goes to help Zaeed up who hugs him when he gets out-

Zaeed: Thank you Shepard, you saved me life. *Zaeed loyalty gained*

-Renegade path*

Shepard: I don't need a psychopath like you on my crew, you brought this on yourself.

-Shepard starts walking away with Garrus-

Zaeed: -still flailing wildly- Shepard, you can't leave me! Shepaaaaaard! -can be heard screaming Shepard's name as Shepard boards the shuttle to go back to the Normandy-

[Sbri]

Miranda: Hello, the sleeping area of renowned Specter and Geth Destroyer Commander Shepard"s elegant Captain's Quarters on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Whom may I say is calling?

[frowns into the communicator]

Miranda: Listen you raving, psycotic b*tch. He was drunk. He was hot. You got lucky. Don't you ever call here again!

[hangs up]

Shepard: Who was that?

Miranda: Wrong number!

[volus4life]

Collectors: dink dink! dink dink dink DINK DINK dink!



-------------------------------



Tali *evil voice*: So, at last, Male Shepard! At last, I have you in my clutches! To have my way with you! The way I want to!



Tali *falsetto* : No, no, leave me alone!



Tali *evil* : No, no, you are mine!



Tali *nerd* : Not so fast, Tali!



Tali *evil* : Miranda!



Tali *nerd* : Yes, it's me, I'm here to save my boyfriend who I screwed in the engine room! Hi, honey!



Tali *evil* : Now, you are going to die! Pow!



Tali *nerd* : Arrgh! -dies-



Tali *nerd: Hey, what did you do to my friend?



Tali *evil* : The same thing I'm going to do to you, black man!



Tali *nerd* : Arghh! -dies-



Tali *evil*: And you too!



Tali *geth* : Arrrh! -dies-



Tali *evil* : Now, Commander Shepard, at last, we are alone!



Tali *falsetto* : Ah! No, I hate u, i hate u, leave me alone! Yet.... I find u strangely attractive!



Tali *evil* : Of course you do, human males are often attracted to boobies and buttocks, and I have both! And you know it!



Tali *falsetto*: No, leave me alone! No!



Tali *evil* : Now kiss me!



Tali *shouting* : No, yes, no, yes, no, yes oh oh oh oh oh! Ohhhh... your helmet is so tight!



*Ken opens door*



Ken: Tali Zorah!



Tali *pulls dolls to herself* : WHAT??



Ken: You're needed on the engineering deck, ma'am!



Tali: Knock on my door! Knock on my door, next time!



Ken: Yes ma'am!



Tali: Did you see anything??



Ken: No, ma'am, I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!



Tali: Good!

[Sinapus]

*before the Skylian Blitz*
Elanos Haliot: Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade. While you may be risking your lives, I will be risking a guest appearance in the first Mass Effect game. Now time for the oath. Everyone raise your right hands.... RIGHT! Now, repeat after me: I...
Thugs: I...
Elanos: Your name.
Thugs: Your name.
Elanos: *mutters* shmucks... *louder* Do hereby declare allegiance to Elanos Haliot.
Thugs: Do hereby declare allegiance to Elly Haliot.
Elanos: THAT'S ELANOS!!!!
Thugs: THAT'S ELANOS!!!!
Elanos: ...and to the e-ville....
Thugs: ...and to the e-ville...
Elanos: ...for which he stands.
Thugs: ...for which he stands.
Elanos: Now go do... that voodoo... that you do.. SO WELLLLLLLL!!!!!

Which only shows how War Hero Shepard delayed the advance...

*raiding party comes up to tollbooth*
Balak: "Citadel Council Skylian Tollway"? What will those jackwagons think up next?! Does anyone have a credit chit?
*thugs shake heads*
Balak: Somebody's got to go back and get a whole sh*tload of credit chits!

Edit: ...and once again I get another idea that will increase this post's length. Hopefully it won't kill this thread for weeks like last time.

*Shepard, disguised as a pirate approaches Elanos Haliot's recruiting station*
Elanos: Qualifications?
Shepard: Stampeding space cattle.
Elanos: Doesn't sound like much of a crime...
Shepard: ...through the Citadel?
Elanos: Kinkyyyy...

Edit2: Typo corrected. Oh well.

Modifié par Sinapus, 28 avril 2011 - 07:53 .

[KainrycKarr]

Too...much....win....circuits....bwahahahahahaha

[Aggie Punbot]

I love Spaceballs and I love Mass Effect but some of you have just ruined the jokes, I swear. Does no one know what a raspberry is anymore and why that line was so hysterically funny?! Argh! Kids these days!

*breaks out walker and drinks her prune juice*

Modifié par TS2Aggie, 28 janvier 2011 - 09:29 .

[Sinapus]

TS2Aggie wrote...

I love Spaceballs and I love Mass Effect but some of you have just ruined the jokes, I swear. Does no one know what a raspberry is anymore and why that line was so hysterically funny?! Argh! Kids these days!

A raspberry is essentially: *phhhhhbbbbbbbbblt*

Of course, I'm old too.