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[nottoberude]

Miranda: But Illusive Man... I don't love him...

Illusive Man: I'm sorry, Miranda. He's the last male Spectre left in the galaxy!

Nihlus: (rubs the bullet wound on the back of his head and yawns)

Udina: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this most joyous occasion, to see Miranda Lawson, Operative of Cerberus, going right past the altar, heading down the ramp and out the door!



(An entire movie later.)



Udina: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here we are gathered here together... agian...

Miranda: Why didn't you tell me he destroyed the Collector Base?

Illusive Man: I didn't think it was important!

Udina: May I continue, please?

Illusive Man: (whisper) Besides, he said he wouldn't sacrifice the soul of our species to beat the Reapers.

Udina: Thank you. To join Operative Lawson, and Operative Nihlus- sorry, its the facepaint.

Nihlus: (nods good-naturedly)

Udina: Spectre Nihlus, in the bonds of hooooly (Normandy SR2 flies overhead) MOLEY!

Miranda: It's him! I know it's him, he's come back!

Udina: That's it! I'm taking no more chances. We're going to do a short version! Spectre Nihlus, do you take Operative Lawson to be your lawfully wedded femme fatale?

Nihlus: Uh huh.(gets shot in the head by Saren)

Udina: Operative Lawson, do you take Spectre Nihlus, to be your lawfully wedded badass?!

Miranda: Well- I- I suppose... oh, I don't know...

Shepard: (appears with Garrus at his side) NO, SHE DOESN''T!

Udina: Who the hell are you?!

Shepard: I'm Command-.(Shakes head) I'm Spectre Shepard.

Miranda: Spectre?!

Shepard: I just found out. I've been reinstated! I'm an Honest-to-God Spectre! Will you marry me?

Miranda: (Looks at Nihlus's dead body.) Well, let me think about it. (Uses Slam ability on his corpse.) Yes!

Udina: I'm sick of this. I don't really give a Reaper who it is, but I'm going to marry somebody today! OK, here we go! A SHORT, SHORT VERSION. Do you?

Shepard: Yes.

Udina: Do you?

Miranda: Yes!

Udina: Good! You're married! KISS HER!

(Shepard and Miranda kiss. Applause. Credits roll.)







this was my favorite

[thompsmt]

All funny.

[earthbornFemShep]

Glad to this this thread revived. I love parodying a parody.

[blothulfur]

Shepard lies bleeding and broken upon the ground his armour broken and his shields down while above him a collector stands its fearsome weapon pointing between his eyes, suddenly a vast voice roars out ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL and the collector is transformed in a flash of light and fury.

Crouched and shivering Harbinger reaches out to grasp a cane with one hand and a top hat with the other and then launches into song: Hello my baby, hello my darling, hello my ragtime girl.

Send me a kiss by wire, baby my hearts on fire.

If you refuse me honey you'll lose me, and you will be alone.

So baby telephone, and tell me your my owwwwwwwwwwwwn.

Strained silence.....

SORRY I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT.

[Sinapus]

"Check, please!"

[Sajuro]

-Shepard and TIM fighting aboard the Cerberus Space Station. They run out of thermal clips except one in their heavy pistols. TIM walks towards Shepard-

TIM: I don't like fair fights, but may the best man win. Put 'er there. -As shepard extends his hand, TIM snatches Shepard's gun- Oh what is with you man, I can't believe you fell for it! That's like the oldest trick in the book. You know what, here let me give you your gun back -Shepard reaches for it and TIM throws it through the grates- Oh you fell for it again! I mean come on man. -raises gun- and now Shepard, you'll see why Renegade always wins, because Paragon is dumb. -TIM shoots and Shepard keeps dodging until backed into a corner- And now Shepard, say goodbye to your two best friends; and I don't mean the ones on the Normandy!

Grunts voice in Shep's head: Use vanguard charge.

Shep: I can't he took my gun.

Grunt voice: That gun is a joke, the vanguard charge is in you.

Shep: -Charges TIM, knocking him into large self destruct button-