smecky-kitteh wrote...
Was this song in final fantasyXIII?Ghost Lightning wrote...
This song is amazing.
bruno mars: other side aka my current favorite song
It was the theme song.
The Official {Edit} Thread
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Guest_Goddess Of Boobs_*
, nov. 14 2010 06:48
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#226
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 08:56
Ghost Lightning
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It was the theme song.
Retour en haut
#228
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:00
Ghost Lightning
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smecky-kitteh wrote...
I want to play it now.
I just beat it again a few days ago. I want to restart it again but I noticed I don't have all the achievements yet D:<
#229
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:06
Rockworm503
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yay I read this whole thread and it hasn't been locked yet... WIN
#230
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:21
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Ha ha now you have one more post to read Rockworm503! I wish you luck MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The Epic Conclusion to Teleportaled and Verner Effect: It's a Revolution
Character Order
RandumbVangaurd: Zombie n' Chief**
smecky kitteh: Alien Invader #2
VangaurdofDestruction: Drunk Hero*
Mandalore545: General**
GreedIsNoException: The Jock*
Gameiac/Kewlbeens: Yetti
GhostLightning: The Nerd*
Celrath: King of Gorta*
Eli-da-mage: The Cop*
Norskatt: The Flirt Down the Road*
Gemaphodite: The daughter/princess*
Peter Molenuex
Ryoko: Evil Space Unicorn
Captain Cornhole: The Evil Chicken*
Cartims: Evil KGB spy
Isabelle Mortello: The Devoted Wife**
JRCHOharry: The King
saMOOrai: Alien Invader #1
Gaurdsman: Soviet Primer*
elven jedi: Good KGB Spy
Girl-of-Gore: Bounty Hunter
barbatti99: Space Monster #1
bobobo879: Space Monster #2
Chapter One: The pedophile king
Explosions exploded and made more explosions and even made explosion babies all around the Royal Family's Manor House. Celrath looked out his window, he bent over and wiped his butt with his ten foot beard as he decided what to do next. His loyalists forces could not hold the parameter much longer from the off world invaders. No one knew who they were or where they came from. The vampire sniffed his now stained beard and made his decission. He would keep his daughter, Gemaphrodite, The Princess and heir to the throne safe at all costs. In order to keep her safe he would have to send her off world.
Gemaphrodite was going through her clothing drawer packing all her sexy panties and bras as Celrath stormed in!
"What the hell are you doing?" bellowed the angry vampire, "I need to get you off planet now!" Gemaphrodite stuffed the last of her panties in her suitcase as Celrath grabbed her by the arm and stormed off to his underground bunker, where he had a spaceship all ready.
"Do I have to leave?" begged Gemaphrodite, "There must be another way!"
They entered a underground 21th centrury bunker, as fighting outside grew nearer, the bunker began to shake.
"The invaders are too many, you need to leave. If they capture you they can use your DNA to access my banking account!" stressed Celrath, "And if they access it there is no telling what destructive or erotic goodies they will purchase."
They reached the spaceship and Gemaphrodite crawled in through the back. After she got her luggage aboard she made her way to the cockpit, she sat in the co-pilot's seat.
"Eww, who is this?" exclaimed Gem.
She pointed to a disgusting figure who was passed out in the pilot's seat.
"That's Vangaurd of Destruction, he is the Royal Family's Gaurdian Protector." said Celrath, "With him with you I know your in good hands."
Gem show a expression of doubt on her face when she looked a VangaurdofDestruction's state. He was now waking up, he had not bathed in months. His breath smelt like a public restroom, he was covered in sweat and body greese. He hadn't shaved in weeks and he was cross eyed. Worst of all he had a beer belly, his clothes didn't fit him and he was drunk!
He chugged down a bottle of genuine Vodkahol and started the ship's thrusters. Then he looked at Celrath and his new pasanger.
"Yuur the pwettiest mawn I'vee *hick* ever seen" belched Vangaurd, "Aaand it something touches your tushy, *hick* just pretend it's nuttin!" *winks*
As the silo door opened Gem looked back at Celrath. She opened a window and waved goodbye.
Celrath did the same as he lusted at his daughter's hourglass figure and drooled, then he felt a sharp pain on his cheak as Gem slapped him. "Your staring again! she yelled.
"You know you like it!" shouted Celrath, then he shed a tear as the spaceship shot out of the silo and into the atmosphere. Gem shut the window as they flew into orbit around the planet.
"So where is out destination?" asked Gem, who was begining to miss her home.
"A new planet that *drinks Vodkahol* is currently unknown to the galatic *hick* community." belched Vangaurd, "Sol Three."
Chapter Two: Black Hawk Down
Gen. Mandalore545 was in the corner smoking a genuine 1955 "Lucky Strike" cigarette, they taste cleaner, fresher and they're cheaper too. He looked at the slop on his plate that passed as military rations it made him sick to his stomach. A general should deserve better, but after all he was on base and everybody knows off base is where the action is at.
Then entered Area 52's base commander, made his way through a crowd and approched Mandy and whispered something into his ear.
"We have a situation developing" he said, "You are needed at once"
"Then what the hell are we doing standing here?" asked the General.
They climbed into the General's car and the commander gave him the lowdown of the developing situation. Mandalore lit his cigar and let out a long puff as the commander drove him to the otherside of the base. When they arived the US army's high command was waiting for the debrief.
Everyone exchanged pleasentries and got down to bizznizz.
"As you all know this is a urgent situation developing in the Gulf." said Mandalore to the others as he approched the lecturn. "Navy intelligence indicates there are two UFOs flying over the gulf right now, and this much is certain. They are not one of ours"
"What does it mean?" shouted a disgruntled serviceman.
"This great nation is under attack *takes a smoke* from Communists." said the General. A loud gasp was heard around the room then a random guy jumped out a window at that revalation.
"Now we need to work quickly if we are to subdue this advanced Communist first strike. So lets barrel through this debrief, The President and the Joint Chiefs are on hold, I need to pick up my wife's clothes from the laundry mat and my car is double parked outside!" said Mandy.
"What's your plan of action?" asked another General.
Madalore smiled and took another smoke.
"I want a squadron of P-52 Mustangs sent out of Ft. Lauderdale on a intercept course to shoot down those damn commies!" orderd Mandalore. *random General chokes on cigar from shock*
Somewhere of the coast of Florida...
0:00 to 3:00
VoD's ship had taken another driect hit from the heat ray shot at them. Gem and VoD was shook back and forth as their 2ndary thrusters exploded.
"Damnit VoD, why did you have to pilot through their space, and blow up their moon?" reasoned Gemaphrodite.
"Eh, baby *hick* dat moon was asking for it when it didn't get out meh flight *takes sip of Vodkahol* path!" argued the drunk pilot.
The ship shook again as it was hit a second time, Gemaphrodite grabbed her tiara to prevent it from falling though the now gaping hole that was in the bottom of their ship. She watched as most her belongs fell through and went splash in the ocean.
Not far behind them smecky kitteh and saMOOrai where in hot persuit inside their flying saucer. And they where pissed! Both of them where at the controls.
smecky kitteh was a little orange furball/hamanoid cat thing. smecky like metor showers, sunspots and blowing stuff up.
saMOORAI was a human size cow looking creature, saM was diabolically evil and loved to look at cow porn.
"Lets finish this **** so I can get back to nudering my litter of kittens!" said smecky as he adjusted their heading.
"I'm so proud that your a father." said saMOOrai
"Maybe you can find a lovely cow to settle down with" said smecky, "I hear there a quite alot of them inhabiting the Alpha Centari System"
"Just fire that heat ray so we can get this over with!" order saMOOrai. "When we return to our homworld with the remains of their corpses we will be hailed as champions!"
Their saucer fired again and toar a larger whole in the hull of VoD's ship.
"No, all my Vodkahol!" screamed Vangaurd!
All his supply fell out of the hull and fell hundreds of feet to the waters below.
"Hold the *scratches his butt and takes one last swigg of Vodkahol* wheel babe, these bastards just made this personal" order Vangaurd as he stumbled to his feet and plopped Gemaphrodite in the pilot's seat.
"But, wah, I don't even know how to fly this thing!" she protested.
"You dun't fly her *hick* she flys you!" said Vangaurd as he bagan to take off his clothes. "I'm comin to get yah baby!"
He dove through the hull and dived head first into the ocean to retrieve favorite alcholic bevarage. He looked up as his ship and the flying saucer flew over head.
Gemaphrodite was fumbling at the controls when she noticed a squadron of P-52s heading staight for them. The squadron broke formation and opened fire on both spaceships. Bullets riddled Vangaurd's ship as it slowly began to break apart as it approched Florida's coast.
Gem ducked as a plane made a pass at her, bullets holes riddled the exterior of the ship. Then came a heat ray, it exploded the primary thrusters, she was going down. Gem grabbed her luggage and prepared for the worst.
From smecky's and saMOOria's perspective VoD's starship exploded and burst into a gigantic fireball as the fuel tanks ruptured. The fireball plumeted to the earth and made a huge crater on the Florida coast where it crashed.
A few hours later after smecky and saM had destroyed all the P-52s they landed their saucer next to the crash site. No humans had arived yet. They both looked over the wreckage, this created a new problem.
"Nothing..." said saM, "You would think there would at least be a limb or two"
"Do you think the high council would except wreckage of their ship as proof?" asked smecky.
"No, wreckage can be fabricated. We need solid evidence that we destroyed them" replied saM.
"This leaves us in quite the spot" said smecky, "If we don't return with evidence of their death we will never be hailed as heros."
They sat their for a while, then a idea came to smecky.
"These humans are quite diverse for a sentient species..." he said.
"What are you getting at?" asked saM.
"If we can't come back with those responcible, the next best thing to do is fabricate a new moon" plotted smecky.
saM grinned.
"I like the way you think" he said.
"We will steal the humans brain juices and make a new moon that way! plotted smecky, "Our new mission, to destroy al humans!"
Chapter Three: The Rueful fate of Vangaurd
And by the way VoD was killed instantly when he hit the water!
Chapter Four: Bok Bok Bok Cluck Cluck Cluck
Celrath led his troops into the heart of the capital city in a desperate attempt to assassinate the leader of the alien invaders. In the aftermath of the war the capital city was reduced to slag and scrap metal.
They snuck through the sewers to what use to be the capital building, Celrath was the first to poke his head out of the manhole cover. He looked around and there he was, the mastermind of the alien invasion. He was on the 2nd story of the ruined capital building hunched over a table discussing battle plans with his troops.
"To victory!" shout Celrath as he burst out of the sewer.
Celrath held his rifle in the air and ran screaming into the capital building. He came around a corner and came face to face with the alien invaders. The invaders where yellow and tiny and had razor sharp beaks, infact they where tiny man-eating chickens!
"This is it men, fire!" he shouted.
But there was a eerie lack of weapons fire, Celrath turned around and saw his soilders watching him from the manhole cover.
"Retreat!"
He dropped his weapon and stormed out of the capital building, the chickens chased after the Vampire. Him and his soilders was chased through the town, but avast he and his cowardly troops had been out flanked and surrounded. The alien chickens then marched them to the town square for public humilation. Thats when Celrath met their leader.
"Cornhole!" shouted Celrath.
Cornhole took off his cape to reveal he was wearing a stuffed chicken suit (much like the one from Fable 2), he opened the suit's beek and to reveal his face.
"Even after I have taken over your homeworld you continue to be a constant pain in my side" said the Captain.
"Go to hell!" shouted Celrath.
"Perhaps under better circumstances we would have been able to work together, but clearly your mentors have clouded your judgement." monolauged Cornhole, "You will tell me all I need to know."
"Ha, you fool yourself!" said Celrath, "I have been trained to withstand over 700 different types of torture techniques"
Cornhole grabbed Celrath's beard and looked him directly in the eyes.
"Eww, what is on your beard?"
"You don't want to know."
"Oh...um...ok...but I am quite aware of that." he said, "But it is not you who I will be torturing."
Cornhole shook his groove thang and poof! A dart board appeared in the middle of the town square. Strapped to it was none other then Celrath's wife, Isabelle Mortello. The wear-chicken then reached into his pocket of his suit and pulled out some throwing darts.
"Be strong honey!" yelled Celrath.
"I love you" replied Izzy, "Turn away don't look, tell him nothing!"
Captain Cornhole threw the first dart...
Chapter Six: Wait, what happened to Chapter Five?
Gemaphrodite looked over a ridge of sand as human athorities swarmed the wreckage of Vangaurd's ship. She would have to get out of there and intigrate herself into human culture to hide from her enimies.
She began to grab her suitcase and was about to get out of there when she was a figure stagger out of the ocean.
0:00 - :45
"Vangaurd!" she exclaimed.
"What the uck *hick* ur lookin at?" he replied "Havn't you seen a-"
A wave came up behind him knocking him off his feat and falling face first ontop the sand. He rolled over on his back and took a swig of Vodkahol.
Gem went over and help him up.
"C'mon we need to get out of here" she insisted.
She tried carrying the drunk down the road but her legs gave out. Vangaurd and all his vodkahol came down crushing her.
She let a sigh out and thought of what to do next. But that problem solved it'self. Vangaurd pulled out his ray gun and shot the driver of the first car that happend to pass by. The car rolled harmlessly into the ditch.
In drunken rage vangaurd pushed Gem out of the driver's seat.
"You crashed *takes drink* my ship, It's my turn now! shouted Vangaurd.
"Alright, alright just take us into town. We need to buy a house and settle into society." ordered Gem.
"Ewe got it babe!" said Vangaurd as he peeled out of the ditch.
Vangaurd carelessly hit a padestrian as he sped down the road to the nearest city.
Chapter Seven: Destroy All Humans!
A week had past since smecky and saM shot down VoD's ship. Since then they had been busy abducting humans all across the fruited plains. Recently they had attacked the Californian town of Santa Mira to abduct the entire population of 67,000 humans.
smecky laughed and lick his lips as their heat ray swept over the sunny little town and caught houses on fire. The humans ran out of their burning homes but was sucking into the sky thanks to the saucer's tractor beam.
"Destroy them all" ordered saM, "At this rate are quota will be filled with in a few days"
A few hours later the entire town was leveled. saM landed and smecky got out to gather the brain juices for the humans they missed.
"...and remember it is important that you recover their brain juices un harmed" ordered saM
"Don't get your scrotum in a naught!" yelled smecky, "You will get your prescious brain juices!"
"But it is important that they are unharmed!" yelled saM.
"Whatever!" said smecky.
"God do you ever listen to me?" said saM.
smecky ignored him and crossed the streat and proceded to suck out the nearest human's brain juices.
"Deleicious!" he said. "Mmmmmm, nothing like fried brains in the morning."
He put the brain juices in a jar and went chasing down the next human, who was wailing and screaming as the kitteh's anal probe came bearing down on him.
But off in the distance two figures where watching them.
"Did you see what I saw?" asked a Gman
"You bet your ass sweat I did. What did you see?" replied the other Gman
"A little green cat in a flying saucer wiping out the least populated town in California" said the first Gman
"Right. Good. Me too." said the 2nd Gman, "Green not orange?
"Don't be a stiff" replied the Gman, "Do you know what this means?"
"Absolutely." said the 2nd, "What?"
"Get on the horn to General Mandalore" ordered the 1st Gman, "We've got a worst case scenario!"
Chapter Eight: A Clockwork Orange
By this time Vangaurd of Destruction and Gemaphrodite had managed to settle down in a undisclosed location in the United States. They had been living in a huge house that they hud broke into while it was on the market for sale.
They tried to live incognito except Vangaurd kept harassing the neighbors in his drunken rage! Also on the street lived Norskatt, a flirtatous mother of five, Ghostlightning who lived in his mom's basement, and GreedIsNoException the HighSchool football star.
Suddenly the door bell rang!
Door Bell: *gay voice* Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
"AH the bells, the bells *hick*" yelled Vangaurd, who was obviously experiencing a hangover.
"I'll get it!" shouted Gem, as she rushed to the door before Vangaurd could answer and fling his ****** at whoever was ringing.
"Hello?"
In front of her was Greed the athletic star. He looked a bit nervous.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" stated Greed, "HI!"
Then he bolted through the front lawn across the street and back into his own house. Gem stood there weirded out by Greed. She shut the door and was about to go back to her room to try to study up on earth culture when the door bell rang again. She opened it.
"WHAT!" she yelled.
Cowering there was Ghost, who had just soiled himself.
"I *sniffs and adjusts nerd glasses* just wanted to *sniff* welcome you to the neighborhood" he said, "I'm sorry if this is kinda weird considering..."
"Uh..." said Gem, "Nighborhood?"
"What? You don't know what a neighborhood is?" asked Ghost, "Are you like one of those rooskies or sumthin?
"Uh yeah, I'm not from around here. English is new to me" she explained.
"If your new here then I got to show you the town!" said Ghost as he grabbed Gem's hand.
"I rather wouldn't-"
Then Greed tackled Ghostlightning out of the way, his body was sent flying into the rose thicket!
"Listen Gem" started Greed, "I was nervous before, and I well I have noticed you are new here and I havn't seen you in school yet. So I was wondering if I could take you around the town to get to know each other? That is if your legal gaurdian dosn't have a problem?"
"Lay one hand on her and I'll rip ya a new ****! *drinks vodkahol* shouted Vanguard.
"What was that?" asked Greed.
"Nothing!' said Gemaphrodite, "My parantal gaurdian dosn't have a problem!"
She quickly shut the door as she dragged him away from the front porch. They went across the street and piled into Greed's brand new red sportscar. And he drove off into the heart of the town to show Gem around and have a good time.
But little did Gem know that there was another problem developing. VangaurdofDestruction had just exhasted his supply of Vodkahol and he decided to go on a deranged search for more.
Chapter Nine: THIS IS THE STRIPMALL!
"...and this is what we humans call a Mall." said Greed. "That is where we by clothing."
There was a sparkle in Gem's eye at the very mention of clothing.
"But of course I would hardly consider you forigners, human" continued Greed, who was a little bit racist.
"STOP" she yelled, she jump out of the car, ran through traffic and into the shopping mall. After parking his car Greed ran in to find her standing in awe at the towering racks of clothes that had been lined up outside the department stores for clearance sales.
"I take it you have never seen one before then?" asked Greed.
"No, I havn't" replied Gem, "We don't have these where I come from."
Gem grabbed dozens of bras, panties, shorts, skinny jeans, bikinis, etc off the racks and stuffed them into her shopping cart. She dragged Greed across the store as she visited every clearence sale, at each stop she bought something. Eventually Greed had to get a 2nd shopping cart.
Gem looked over her selection of items and smiled, this would make up for loosing her original belongings over the Gulf of Mexico.
"C'mon, lets go." said Gemaphrodite, "Lets get something to eat."
She started heading towards the exit of the mall, a few passers by gave her some strange looks seeing the amount of clothing she had hoarded. She was about ready to go through the door when Greed stopped her.
"What are you doing?" he yelled, "We have to pay for those!"
Gem laughed and let out a nervous chuckle.
"Ah yes, "pay"" she replied.
The sports star took her to the checkout. The clerk gave her a look of disgust when he saw her selected clothing. Eventually the total rang up to $345.79.
"Pay up, ****!" the clerk ordered.
"Uhh...er...what do you mean" asked Gem, she began to turn red as she was put on the spot.
"GIME MY DAMN MONEY!" yelled the Clerk.
"Money?" asked Gem.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a few rubies that passed as currency back on her homeplanet.
"Listen I don't know what your trying to prove," yelled the clerk, "...but I will call for security if you keep this up!"
Gem was about to break down and cry.
"Don't you have any money?" asked Greed.
She shook her head.
He sighed a reached for his credit card and payed the clerk for her. The man reluctently accepted it and packaged all Gem's clothes for her.
"They don't pay me enough for this!" he muttered.
He took the clothes out to Greeds car as they both followed behind.
"So you really have no money?" asked Greed.
"No" she replied. "Only those rubies"
"Golly, what planet are you from?" joked Greed.
Gem immediately became alert and tackled Greed and pinned him to the ground. She punched him in the face and pulled out her hidden ray gun and aimed it at his face.
"All right spy!" she ordered, "Start talking!"
"Huh, what are you doing?" he asked, "Why did you hit me?"
"Who sent you? How did you get here? How many more of you are searching for me?" she yelled.
There was a growing crowd in the parking lot watching the scene.
"Spy? I'm no spy!" he said, "What are you talking about?
"How do you know about other planets?" Gem screamed!
"Planets? said Greed, "I was only joking, gawd it was a joke."
"A joke" asked Gem
"YES!" he replied.
Gemaphordite blushed red from her over reaction.
"Now get of me and put that stupid toy away" said Greed as he pushed her ray guy out of his face. He had no idea it was real.
"Uhh...Sorry about that." said Gem. "I over reacted, I'm sorry about that. I really am."
"I don't care." said Greed, "I'm taking you home."
He grabbed Gem and pushed through the crowd and went to his car. After a long silent drive he dropped her and her clothing off at her house.
Gem felt horrible after her stupid over reaction, it might have cost her a friend. She wished she could travel back in time and fix her mistake. Clearly she didn't know enough about Earth Culture to fit in.
She dragged her clothes inside her house and looked around for Vangaurd.
"Hey, I'm back" she yelled, "Vangaurd?"
But Vangaurd was gone!
Chapter Nine: It's a Trap!
General Mandalore ordered his units into position. They slowly surrouned smecky and saM.
saM was setting up the picnic area in the middle of Santa Mira's main park. He layed the clothe out over a table and set up some human food they had looted from the town. saM took a bite of bread. He chewed it for a little bit then spat it out all over the table.
smecky didn't care he was hoarding bottles of milk and storing them in their saucer to take back to his litter of kittehs back on his homeworld.
"Damnit smecky, quit messing around" yelled a angry saM, "Don't you have the manors to be polite and come join me in my victory picnic?"
"NO!" yelled the kitteh as he threw a milk bottle at saM. saM ducked and the milk bottle flew past and hit General Mandalore in the face. The General toppled over backwards into the park's grass.
"Oh my gawd, you killed him!" said saM
They both gathered around the dead General, glass was impaled into his face and milk soaked his military uniform.
"It was your fault!" rebuttled smecky, "You didn't catch it!"
"Wait why are we so concerned about killing a human?" asked saM.
"Yeah?" said smecky, "Good point let's suck out his brain juices and kill more humens!'
smecky reached for his anal probe.
Mandalore shot up from the ground holding a tape recorder.
"Got'cha!" said Mandalore, "That's all the evidence we need!"
"Wah!" exclaimed saM, "Your alive!"
"Damn straight, and I got'cha right where I want ya" laugh Mandalore.
"It's a Trap!" shouted smecky
"Pathetic human!" laughed saM, "Do you really think your primitive army can defeat our advanced space fairing civilization?"
"Of course not!" laugh Mandalore, "That's why there is a back up plan!"
Then he quickly shackled a pair of hand cuffs on saM and smecky.
"We're going to lock you up for a long time!", said General Mandalore.
"That's where your wrong!" retored smecky, "We have a right to a fair trial first!"
"Damnit!" yelled Mandy, "You aliens know too much about the American Legal System."
"Ha, now you have to release us!" laughed smecky.
"Not so fast!" rebuttled Mandalore, "I'm going to sue you on criminal charges! I'll see you in court!"
"Bastard!" screamed saM
"Boys, take em away." said Mandy
Then a group o MPs took saM, smecky and their flying saucer and louded them into the back of a truck. The General watched as the military convoy escorted them off into the distance. Mandalore patted himself on the back as he had single handedly stopped the alien invasion.
"Call me Admiral Mandalore!" he yelled at the top of lung!
Chapter Ten: American Legal
US Supreme Court, Washington DC.
Several MPs dragged, a screaming a kicking smecky kitteh into the court.
"Get your paws off me you damn dirty apes!" he screamed.
The Earthlings pointed and laughed as he was humiliated. Eventually he was dragged to the front where saM was already waiting.
"Can't you show some dignity?" he said, "This is humiliating enough as is!"
"Speak for youself!" retored smecky, "I have a litter of kittehs to feed!"
Smecky began to day dream as he thought of his children back on his homeworld, then he felt a sharp pain as The Chief Justice threw the gavel at him! He fell backwards in his chair taking saM along with him.
"Everybody look out!" yelled saM, "That chief justice is a ZOMBIE!"
"braaaaaains", maoned the Chief Justice.
Suddenly all the justices on the Supreme Court was actually Zombies, then jumped down from their seats of power and began to feast on the brains of the living. All the normal earthlings ran around in panic and died because they brains was eat!
"Their stealing all our brains!" screamed saM as he helped himself up. "How dare they!"
"Yeah if anyone destroys this planet it had better be us!" added smecky
Admiral Mandalore jumped down from the ceiling and shotgunned the nearest justice.
"Get your sorry asses up off the floor" he yelled as he handed them some shottys, "Our Government has been infiltrated by Zombie Communists!"
"Good" laughed smecky, "Two birds with one stone!"
"Listen, I don't like you guys but if we are going to stop these zombies we need to destroy their leader" said Mandy.
"And that is?" said saM
"RandumbVangaurd, the president of the United States!" said Mandalore,
Chapter Eleven: Have you seen my inhaler?
Gem was in her living room reading the newspaper, which mentioned a Zombie apaccolypse in Washington DC. That had Gem gravely worried. But what had Gemaphrodite even moar worried was the absence of Vangaurd of Destruction. To find him she would need help.
She Knocked on Ghost's door, from the basement came the clattering footsteps. They grew louder until GhostLightning opened the door. He was covered in bandaids from being knocked into the rose bushes.
"Hey I need you help" began Gemaphrodite as she adjusted her cleavege, "I can't find my "parental gaurdian""
"Don't worry, I'll call the cops" said Ghostlighting, "They're good with this sorta stuff."
Ghost reached down his pants and grabbed something, then he grabbed something else. He pulled out a phone and was about to call when Gem took it out of his hand.
"I rather wouldn't get the local law enforcement involved" she explained.
"I *adjusts glasses* see" he replied, "Then why do you need me then?"
"I have need to facilitate and use one of your primitive carbon based motor transports" said Gemaphrodite.
"Uhhh you mean a car?" asked Ghost.
"Yeah one of those." she replied.
"Well you have come to the right nerd!" he yelled.
A few moments later Ghost backed a red Dodge Charger out of his driveway. It had pinup photos of lightning all over the side. Even a few nudies too.
"This is my special car" he began, "It has twin turbo, stick shift, four wheel drive, sports mode, duel suspencion...[techno crap ensues]"
Gemaphrodite woke up from her long nap in the passanger's seat right as Ghost finished.
"....and further moar" he continued, "Mom says I have to wear a helmet *puts on helmet* while driving because it's cold."
"Not so fast!" yelled Norskatt, "Gemaphrodite where are you going? You better be looking for that no good SoB parental gaurdian of yours because he broke into my house and raided my liquor cabnit!'
"Actually, I am." said Gemaphrodite.
"Well scoot over cause when you find him I have a few words to say to him!" she yelled as she got in the back.
"Norskatt, don't you have children to look after?" asked Ghost.
"Mind your own damn biznezz!' she retororted. "Give Gem the wheel and lets find him now, so I can get back to taking my Valium!'
Gemaphrodite took the wheel and sped off into the town with her two passangers. Not knowing anything about human rules of the road or that she needed a liscence, she found herself speeding down the 4-lane street.
As she sped through a red light and turned left into oncoming traffic she passed a red headed Irish Cop who was parked on the side of the road. He then turned his flashing lights on and began to persuit.
"Looks like I got me a runner" laughed Eli-da-Mage.
Chapter Twelve: A GIANT NEMATOAD THAT SHOOTS ACID OUT OF IT'S BUTTCRACK!
Admiral Mandalore, smecky kitteh and saMOOrai ran up the steps of the Capital Building shooting all the senators and congressmen that stood in their way. Then in the Rotunda was the Zombie President, Randumb Vangaurd.
"RAWR you have fallen into my trap pathetic aliens!" laughed the zombie president, "Now human Admiral and alien invaders I will feast on your brainz!"
He laughed as he transmagrofied into a gaint nematoad that shot acid out it's buttcheaks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9A9w1UWh-o
"Lets kick ass!" said saM.
The boss fight started!
saM and smecky shot their ray guns at the hidious creature as it jumped from wall to wall spitting acid at them, but Admiral Mandy was no where to be seen! But it didn't matter!
smecky jet packed up into the air and zapped Randumb Vangaurd with his ray gun! The zombie shrugged it off and spat acid out it's buttcheaks. The acid made smecky's jet back die and he fell back to earth.
"How do we stop that thing?" asked a befused smecky.
"We must locate it's weak spots!" said saM, "And by my indications RandumbVangaurd's weak spot is his buttcheeks! This is going to get dirty."
"I'll get the anal probe!" laughed smecky.
"BRAINS!" rawred Randumb Vangaurd.
"Over hear you heathen hell beast!" yelled saM.
"I will destroy you!" screamed the Commander and Chief.
Randumb Vangaurd chased saM through the Rotunda and into the Senate but he was too fat to fit through the hall to reach saM who was standing safely in the Senate Chambers.
"Prepare to die!" laughed saM
Then smecky's anal probe shot up RandumbVangaurd's butt and he exploded in a gory explosion of puss and zombie flesh. The Zombie crisis was averted.
"YOU THINK ME DEFEATED!" laugh RandumbVangaurd.
He then transformed into a really tall Smegol With a Geth Based design. He was so tall he shot through the roof of the capital building.
"To the saucer!" ordered saM.
They took off across the "Mall" as RandumbVangaurd gave chase. Vangaurd shot lazers out his smegol eyes and blew up buildings and census workers. But suddenly he tripped and fell into the Patomic River and drowned.
"Mission acomplished!" laughed saM, "We have overthrown the guvernment, nothing can stop us now."
"Fame and fortune awaits us apon completion of harvesting enough brain juices" laughed smecky.
"Not so fast!" yelled Mandy, "You killed the president, do you really think we are going to let you harvest our brain juices?"
"Yes." replied smecky.
"You have another thing coming!" yelled Mandalore as he reached for his pistol. But before anything could get shot saM stomped on his head and he was dead.
"He was right about on thing." said saM, "We murdered the President, this leaves a great oppurtunity..."
"What are you thinking?" asked smecky, who was licking the blood off his fur.
saM looked at the president's body and then back at smecky and smiled.
"NO!" yelled smecky, "I shoot stuff, I don't lead."
"C'mon" said saM, "Think of the power!"
"NO!" yelled smecky, "There is no way you are going to get me to do that!"
"As president you can boink anyone you want!" said saM.
"Anyone?" asked smecky.
"Yes anyone." replied saM.
"I'm in. *Thinks about elven jedi's boobies* " replied a convinced smecky.
Chapter Thirteen: What happens in Russian stays in Russia...
Later while in The Soviet Union a super secret meeting was taking place inside the Krimlin. In a dark room people where gathered watching super secret slides of saM's and smecky's invasion of the United States. Slowly yet surely they plotted against them.
Chapter Fourteen: Speed limits...We have dismissed that claim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZJk7u_HiJg&feature=related
Was cruising down the highway at speeds of awesome! It took them through the heart to the city. Gemaphrodite was drving and passing cars at speeds of vomit!
"What the hell is that?" asked Gemaphrodite, who noticed the flashing red and blue lights in her rear view mirror.
"The popo!" screamed Ghostlightning, "Pull over."
"Whats that?" asked Gem
"The coppers!" yelled Ghost.
"Is that your civil law enforcement?" she asked.
"Yes, now pull over!" yelled Ghost.
"But-" said Gem as she was cut off.
"Do you want to get arrested?" asked Norskatt.
"No." replied Gem.
"Then pull the hell over!" screamed Norskatt.
She pulled over to the side of the road, so did Eli. The crooked, Irish and redheaded cop slammed his patrol car right into the back of Ghost pimp mobile, destroying the rear fender.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed Ghostlighting, "The precious!"
Eli adjusted his holster and gave himself a pep talk before stepping out of the car.
"Nightstick, check, taking bribes from local gangsters, check! Sence of moral superiority over fellow citizens, CHECK!" thought Eli, "Time to make an arrest!"
He approched Ghost's car.
"Do you know how fast you where going?" said the Irishman.
"There's a speed limit?" asked a stunned Gem, "I'm sorry I-"
"Do you take me to be an idiot?" yelled Eli, "Get our of the car!'
Gem stepped out, Eli had her do a line test after that he asked to see her license.
"License?" she asked.
"Yeah that's what I bloody said!" yelled Eli.
Gemaphrodite began to panic and blush red because she had none.
"Uhh where I come from I don't need a license." she honestly tried to explain.
"That bloody sucks for you huh?" laughed Eli, "Because I'm taking you in!'
He slammed Gem against the side of Ghost's car and slapped handcuffs one her.
"Watch the pinup decals!" ordered GhostLighting.
Eli wouldn't take another remark. He grabbed his night stick and brought it down ontop of Ghost's head. He curled up into a ball as Eli made Ghost bruised and bloody.
"I'm taking all of you in!" he raged!
But suddenly the sky flashed red as a astroid fell from the sky. It plummeted towards the Earth, and the city shook when it hit the ground. It impacted on the cities suberban outskirts, but yet it was soo huge that Gem and everyone could see it from the heart of the city. As the impact sent shockwaves out several skyscrapers collasped and made boom booms.
"He found me" muttered Gemaphrodite.
"Who?" asked Norskatt?
"Enough!" yelled Eli, "I'm getting the hell out here, I'll take a bribe and return will let you go!"
A bloodied and shaken Ghostlightning reached into his pocket a handed Eli all his lunch money.
"This is it?" muttered Eli, "If I see any of ya again your all as good as dead!"
He took the money and drove away in his cop car.
Then a gaint hidious looking space monster exploded out of the crashed astroid! It looked like a space dragon/robot it breathed fire on the suburbian housing. It was barbatti99. Sent here to capture Gemaphrodite's DNA!
Chapter Fifteen: Attack of the 50ft giant fire breathing space monster!
"Whats going on!" demanded Ghostlightning.
"Yeah!" added Norskatt, "I think we are entitled to some answers."
Gem sighed.
"Okay this might be a shock but I'm actually-" said Gem.
"One....*hick*.....plus one.......equeals....*hick* .....window!" yelled a drunken Vangaurd of Destruction.
"You came back!" exclaimed Gem!
"You bet your tushy I did." yelled Vangaurd.
Then in a magical explosion of pimp dust Ghost's care turned into a Robtic Flying car!
"Get you *hick* swweeet little ass in *hick errr" ordered Vangaurd, who was throwing Ghost and Norskatt out of the back seat. "Time to finish this ****!'
He took a swig of Vodkahol and got behind the wheel, with Gem in the passanger seat.
"Bye guys" exclaimed Gem as Vangaurd flew the care in the direction of barbatti99.
"What the hell was that all about? exclaimed Norskatt, "I didn't even get to yell at Vangaurd."
"Did you just see that *adjusts glasses* they stole my car!" exclaimed Ghost.
The human military was in full retreat as barbatti99 stomped on their tanks and jeeps. His fire breath roasted the houses and people below as he searched for his target.
"RAWR, YOUR DNA WILL BELONG TO ME! I WILL NOT FAIL MY MASTER! RAWR!" bellowed barbatti99.
"What's the plan?" asked Gem
"THIS!' exclaimed Vangaurd.
The car exploded as he flew it into barbatti99's face. The hidious space monster then had a heart attack and died. From the inner city Ghost could see his car explode.
He fell to ground and pounded his fist on the pavement.
"YOU MANIAC, YOU DESTROYED IT DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" he squealed.
That night Gem had a moment to reflect on the days events, she almost revealed her identity to her neighbors what was even worse was that her location was no longer a secret. She worried about her parents back on her homeworld. But she didn't have time to worry because Vangaurd of Destruction was trapped underneath the refrigerator again and needed assistence.
During his absence Vangaurd raided every liquor store and concocked his very own homemade vodkahol, that made the fridge top heavy.
Chapter Sixteen: The truth comes out
The next morning Gemaphrodite woke up and headed down stairs and turned on the television. The news was covering the aftermath of their recent space monster attack. As she watched she dug her spoon into her bowl of "Honey Bunches of Pumice".
"There magicly delicious!" excaimed Ghostlightning who was crawling in through the back window. Norskatt wasn't far behind.
"You better come clean with us Gem." demanded Norskatt, "You have been acting wierd!"
"Yeah!" added Ghostlightning, "Weirder then I usually act!"
"All right then you asked for the truth, and I'm telling it to you only because I need your help" said Gem, "Can you handle the truth?"
"Uh *adjusts glasses* hu." replied Ghost.
"Alright, I'm a alien." she confessed.
"Get out." exclaimed Norskatt
"No I am actually an off worlder fleeing from another planet" explained Gemaphrodite.
"THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" wheezed Ghostlightning as he fainted, he fell face first into Gem's cereal.
When he came too, Gemaphrodite took then to the garage and showed them all their alien stuff and took the time to fully explain her situation. She told them that her homeworld had been taken over by evil chickens. She also explained the reason why she was hiding and why the enemy needed her DNA.
"Thats...incredible..." exclaimed Ghostlightning. "Can I ask you like a million questions about technology?"
"NO!" yelled Gem.
"Okay." replied a defeated Ghost
"And that's why I need to fit into human culture." explained Gem further.
"I know what the problem is." said Norskatt, "We need to get you schooled! Then you will fit in."
"Are you sure that's a good idea Norskatt?" asked Ghost, "I get beat up at school."
"I don't think she will have that problem, Ghost." replied Norskatt.
"I think Ghost might be right, Norskatt, this is probably a bad idea." suggested Gem.
"Nonsence your going to love highschool!" she replied as she patted Gem's back.
Then randomly a 1956 De Soto exploded through the garage door. The three of them got down as wood splintered everywhere. At the wheel was no one other then Vangaurd of Destruction.
"Hey cutie." flirted Norskatt, "Your looking fine."
Vangaurd took a drink of Vodkahol and stumbled out of the car.
"Listen Lady!" rawred the drunk, "I may be drunk, but tomarrow morning I will be sober. Yet you will still be ugly!"
Chapter Seventeen: Screw you Obama, President Smecky Kitteh is in the House!
Washington DC...
"Are they gone?" asked saM.
"YES!" exclaimed smecky who was seated at his desk in the Oval Office.
saM exploded out of the closet in a torrent of hot sweaty cow hide.
"Your the president, so tell your aids to stop interupting us like that!" angered saM, "I'm getting tired of hiding in the closet each time a human comes along."
smecky who was disguised as the former perisdent shook his head.
"I'm the president I can do what ever I want!" he yelled back at saM, who was know looking cross.
"Listen, I think all this power has gone to your head." replied saM, "You need to focus on brainwashing the American people into surrendering all their brain juices!'
"Calm down buddy, I'm on it." smecky replied.
"Are you now?" complained saM.
"Yeah." said smecky, "Just as soon as I am done looking at this."
"At what?" angered saM, "Let me see!"
"No!" yelled smecky who was begining to hid what ever he was looking at under the desk. saM jumped on top of him trying to grab it.
But saM knocked it out of smecky's hand and female cat pictures fell all over the floor. smecky's face went red.
"Are YOU going NATIVE?" asked saM in horror. "I can't belive this!"
saM was about ready to storm out of the oval office and head to their saucer that was parked in the rose garden when suddenly KGB agents stormed in from every direction.
"Communists!" exclaimed saMOORAI, right as several KGB kidnapped him. He was carried through the White House kicking and screaming as the communists made a mess of the place.
smecky took cover behind his desk and equipped his ray gun. As bullets wizzed by he jumped out of his presidential suit and starting shooting the commies. The heat from his ray gun turned the KGB agents into shrivled proons. Then entered the head KGB agent followed up by more goons.
"Ah this must be saMOORAI" he said in a clear Russian accent.
"Uh no, this is smecky-kitteh." retorted the alien cat thing.
A KGB agent then wispered something into the head agent's ear.
"Oh I'm sorry about that smecky, my mistake." he appologiezed "However my comrades and I have concluded your little invasion of the United States is a grave threat to us. And therefore you must be nutralized."
"At this very moment we have kidnapped and stolen your leader and all your supply of brain juices" explained the KGB agent.
Then he and his groupies pointed their weapons right at smecky's face.
"Mines bigger..." he grinned revealing his ray gun.
But before anything could happen a series of sniper shots burst through the window shooting all the KGB agents in the head. Their lifeless corpses fell to the ground.
"Wah" smecky exclaimed!
He looked to where the shots came from. In the Rose Garden he saw a female figure. She had blond hair and was very butifull But he only managed to get a quick glimpse before she slipped out of sight.
smecky kitteh had a knew mission now, rescue saM, get their brain juices back, and find out who that babe was.
Chapter Eighteen: He tried to kill me with a forklift.
smecky kitteh was hot on the KGB's trail. Eventually it took him to Tokashima, Japan. Tokashima was a busy industialized town with dense forests and tall mountains in the surrounding area. From his saucer he was picking up strange readings about green glowingness from the town, he would have to go on foot to get a closer look. He landed his ship and waited in the bushes by a road to wait for the perfect victim.
"Hey you!" angered smecky, "Come here!"
A very supersticious Japanese man stopped and looked around to see who was talking to him.
"Ohh, Gamera. Is that you?" he said, "You are friend to children!"
"Come closer!" screamed smecky kitteh.
"Ohh, what ever you say Gamera!" the man replied as he inched closer to the bus
The Epic Conclusion to Teleportaled and Verner Effect: It's a Revolution
Character Order
RandumbVangaurd: Zombie n' Chief**
smecky kitteh: Alien Invader #2
VangaurdofDestruction: Drunk Hero*
Mandalore545: General**
GreedIsNoException: The Jock*
Gameiac/Kewlbeens: Yetti
GhostLightning: The Nerd*
Celrath: King of Gorta*
Eli-da-mage: The Cop*
Norskatt: The Flirt Down the Road*
Gemaphodite: The daughter/princess*
Peter Molenuex
Ryoko: Evil Space Unicorn
Captain Cornhole: The Evil Chicken*
Cartims: Evil KGB spy
Isabelle Mortello: The Devoted Wife**
JRCHOharry: The King
saMOOrai: Alien Invader #1
Gaurdsman: Soviet Primer*
elven jedi: Good KGB Spy
Girl-of-Gore: Bounty Hunter
barbatti99: Space Monster #1
bobobo879: Space Monster #2
Chapter One: The pedophile king
Explosions exploded and made more explosions and even made explosion babies all around the Royal Family's Manor House. Celrath looked out his window, he bent over and wiped his butt with his ten foot beard as he decided what to do next. His loyalists forces could not hold the parameter much longer from the off world invaders. No one knew who they were or where they came from. The vampire sniffed his now stained beard and made his decission. He would keep his daughter, Gemaphrodite, The Princess and heir to the throne safe at all costs. In order to keep her safe he would have to send her off world.
Gemaphrodite was going through her clothing drawer packing all her sexy panties and bras as Celrath stormed in!
"What the hell are you doing?" bellowed the angry vampire, "I need to get you off planet now!" Gemaphrodite stuffed the last of her panties in her suitcase as Celrath grabbed her by the arm and stormed off to his underground bunker, where he had a spaceship all ready.
"Do I have to leave?" begged Gemaphrodite, "There must be another way!"
They entered a underground 21th centrury bunker, as fighting outside grew nearer, the bunker began to shake.
"The invaders are too many, you need to leave. If they capture you they can use your DNA to access my banking account!" stressed Celrath, "And if they access it there is no telling what destructive or erotic goodies they will purchase."
They reached the spaceship and Gemaphrodite crawled in through the back. After she got her luggage aboard she made her way to the cockpit, she sat in the co-pilot's seat.
"Eww, who is this?" exclaimed Gem.
She pointed to a disgusting figure who was passed out in the pilot's seat.
"That's Vangaurd of Destruction, he is the Royal Family's Gaurdian Protector." said Celrath, "With him with you I know your in good hands."
Gem show a expression of doubt on her face when she looked a VangaurdofDestruction's state. He was now waking up, he had not bathed in months. His breath smelt like a public restroom, he was covered in sweat and body greese. He hadn't shaved in weeks and he was cross eyed. Worst of all he had a beer belly, his clothes didn't fit him and he was drunk!
He chugged down a bottle of genuine Vodkahol and started the ship's thrusters. Then he looked at Celrath and his new pasanger.
"Yuur the pwettiest mawn I'vee *hick* ever seen" belched Vangaurd, "Aaand it something touches your tushy, *hick* just pretend it's nuttin!" *winks*
As the silo door opened Gem looked back at Celrath. She opened a window and waved goodbye.
Celrath did the same as he lusted at his daughter's hourglass figure and drooled, then he felt a sharp pain on his cheak as Gem slapped him. "Your staring again! she yelled.
"You know you like it!" shouted Celrath, then he shed a tear as the spaceship shot out of the silo and into the atmosphere. Gem shut the window as they flew into orbit around the planet.
"So where is out destination?" asked Gem, who was begining to miss her home.
"A new planet that *drinks Vodkahol* is currently unknown to the galatic *hick* community." belched Vangaurd, "Sol Three."
Chapter Two: Black Hawk Down
Gen. Mandalore545 was in the corner smoking a genuine 1955 "Lucky Strike" cigarette, they taste cleaner, fresher and they're cheaper too. He looked at the slop on his plate that passed as military rations it made him sick to his stomach. A general should deserve better, but after all he was on base and everybody knows off base is where the action is at.
Then entered Area 52's base commander, made his way through a crowd and approched Mandy and whispered something into his ear.
"We have a situation developing" he said, "You are needed at once"
"Then what the hell are we doing standing here?" asked the General.
They climbed into the General's car and the commander gave him the lowdown of the developing situation. Mandalore lit his cigar and let out a long puff as the commander drove him to the otherside of the base. When they arived the US army's high command was waiting for the debrief.
Everyone exchanged pleasentries and got down to bizznizz.
"As you all know this is a urgent situation developing in the Gulf." said Mandalore to the others as he approched the lecturn. "Navy intelligence indicates there are two UFOs flying over the gulf right now, and this much is certain. They are not one of ours"
"What does it mean?" shouted a disgruntled serviceman.
"This great nation is under attack *takes a smoke* from Communists." said the General. A loud gasp was heard around the room then a random guy jumped out a window at that revalation.
"Now we need to work quickly if we are to subdue this advanced Communist first strike. So lets barrel through this debrief, The President and the Joint Chiefs are on hold, I need to pick up my wife's clothes from the laundry mat and my car is double parked outside!" said Mandy.
"What's your plan of action?" asked another General.
Madalore smiled and took another smoke.
"I want a squadron of P-52 Mustangs sent out of Ft. Lauderdale on a intercept course to shoot down those damn commies!" orderd Mandalore. *random General chokes on cigar from shock*
Somewhere of the coast of Florida...
0:00 to 3:00
VoD's ship had taken another driect hit from the heat ray shot at them. Gem and VoD was shook back and forth as their 2ndary thrusters exploded.
"Damnit VoD, why did you have to pilot through their space, and blow up their moon?" reasoned Gemaphrodite.
"Eh, baby *hick* dat moon was asking for it when it didn't get out meh flight *takes sip of Vodkahol* path!" argued the drunk pilot.
The ship shook again as it was hit a second time, Gemaphrodite grabbed her tiara to prevent it from falling though the now gaping hole that was in the bottom of their ship. She watched as most her belongs fell through and went splash in the ocean.
Not far behind them smecky kitteh and saMOOrai where in hot persuit inside their flying saucer. And they where pissed! Both of them where at the controls.
smecky kitteh was a little orange furball/hamanoid cat thing. smecky like metor showers, sunspots and blowing stuff up.
saMOORAI was a human size cow looking creature, saM was diabolically evil and loved to look at cow porn.
"Lets finish this **** so I can get back to nudering my litter of kittens!" said smecky as he adjusted their heading.
"I'm so proud that your a father." said saMOOrai
"Maybe you can find a lovely cow to settle down with" said smecky, "I hear there a quite alot of them inhabiting the Alpha Centari System"
"Just fire that heat ray so we can get this over with!" order saMOOrai. "When we return to our homworld with the remains of their corpses we will be hailed as champions!"
Their saucer fired again and toar a larger whole in the hull of VoD's ship.
"No, all my Vodkahol!" screamed Vangaurd!
All his supply fell out of the hull and fell hundreds of feet to the waters below.
"Hold the *scratches his butt and takes one last swigg of Vodkahol* wheel babe, these bastards just made this personal" order Vangaurd as he stumbled to his feet and plopped Gemaphrodite in the pilot's seat.
"But, wah, I don't even know how to fly this thing!" she protested.
"You dun't fly her *hick* she flys you!" said Vangaurd as he bagan to take off his clothes. "I'm comin to get yah baby!"
He dove through the hull and dived head first into the ocean to retrieve favorite alcholic bevarage. He looked up as his ship and the flying saucer flew over head.
Gemaphrodite was fumbling at the controls when she noticed a squadron of P-52s heading staight for them. The squadron broke formation and opened fire on both spaceships. Bullets riddled Vangaurd's ship as it slowly began to break apart as it approched Florida's coast.
Gem ducked as a plane made a pass at her, bullets holes riddled the exterior of the ship. Then came a heat ray, it exploded the primary thrusters, she was going down. Gem grabbed her luggage and prepared for the worst.
From smecky's and saMOOria's perspective VoD's starship exploded and burst into a gigantic fireball as the fuel tanks ruptured. The fireball plumeted to the earth and made a huge crater on the Florida coast where it crashed.
A few hours later after smecky and saM had destroyed all the P-52s they landed their saucer next to the crash site. No humans had arived yet. They both looked over the wreckage, this created a new problem.
"Nothing..." said saM, "You would think there would at least be a limb or two"
"Do you think the high council would except wreckage of their ship as proof?" asked smecky.
"No, wreckage can be fabricated. We need solid evidence that we destroyed them" replied saM.
"This leaves us in quite the spot" said smecky, "If we don't return with evidence of their death we will never be hailed as heros."
They sat their for a while, then a idea came to smecky.
"These humans are quite diverse for a sentient species..." he said.
"What are you getting at?" asked saM.
"If we can't come back with those responcible, the next best thing to do is fabricate a new moon" plotted smecky.
saM grinned.
"I like the way you think" he said.
"We will steal the humans brain juices and make a new moon that way! plotted smecky, "Our new mission, to destroy al humans!"
Chapter Three: The Rueful fate of Vangaurd
And by the way VoD was killed instantly when he hit the water!
Chapter Four: Bok Bok Bok Cluck Cluck Cluck
Celrath led his troops into the heart of the capital city in a desperate attempt to assassinate the leader of the alien invaders. In the aftermath of the war the capital city was reduced to slag and scrap metal.
They snuck through the sewers to what use to be the capital building, Celrath was the first to poke his head out of the manhole cover. He looked around and there he was, the mastermind of the alien invasion. He was on the 2nd story of the ruined capital building hunched over a table discussing battle plans with his troops.
"To victory!" shout Celrath as he burst out of the sewer.
Celrath held his rifle in the air and ran screaming into the capital building. He came around a corner and came face to face with the alien invaders. The invaders where yellow and tiny and had razor sharp beaks, infact they where tiny man-eating chickens!
"This is it men, fire!" he shouted.
But there was a eerie lack of weapons fire, Celrath turned around and saw his soilders watching him from the manhole cover.
"Retreat!"
He dropped his weapon and stormed out of the capital building, the chickens chased after the Vampire. Him and his soilders was chased through the town, but avast he and his cowardly troops had been out flanked and surrounded. The alien chickens then marched them to the town square for public humilation. Thats when Celrath met their leader.
"Cornhole!" shouted Celrath.
Cornhole took off his cape to reveal he was wearing a stuffed chicken suit (much like the one from Fable 2), he opened the suit's beek and to reveal his face.
"Even after I have taken over your homeworld you continue to be a constant pain in my side" said the Captain.
"Go to hell!" shouted Celrath.
"Perhaps under better circumstances we would have been able to work together, but clearly your mentors have clouded your judgement." monolauged Cornhole, "You will tell me all I need to know."
"Ha, you fool yourself!" said Celrath, "I have been trained to withstand over 700 different types of torture techniques"
Cornhole grabbed Celrath's beard and looked him directly in the eyes.
"Eww, what is on your beard?"
"You don't want to know."
"Oh...um...ok...but I am quite aware of that." he said, "But it is not you who I will be torturing."
Cornhole shook his groove thang and poof! A dart board appeared in the middle of the town square. Strapped to it was none other then Celrath's wife, Isabelle Mortello. The wear-chicken then reached into his pocket of his suit and pulled out some throwing darts.
"Be strong honey!" yelled Celrath.
"I love you" replied Izzy, "Turn away don't look, tell him nothing!"
Captain Cornhole threw the first dart...
Chapter Six: Wait, what happened to Chapter Five?
Gemaphrodite looked over a ridge of sand as human athorities swarmed the wreckage of Vangaurd's ship. She would have to get out of there and intigrate herself into human culture to hide from her enimies.
She began to grab her suitcase and was about to get out of there when she was a figure stagger out of the ocean.
0:00 - :45
"Vangaurd!" she exclaimed.
"What the uck *hick* ur lookin at?" he replied "Havn't you seen a-"
A wave came up behind him knocking him off his feat and falling face first ontop the sand. He rolled over on his back and took a swig of Vodkahol.
Gem went over and help him up.
"C'mon we need to get out of here" she insisted.
She tried carrying the drunk down the road but her legs gave out. Vangaurd and all his vodkahol came down crushing her.
She let a sigh out and thought of what to do next. But that problem solved it'self. Vangaurd pulled out his ray gun and shot the driver of the first car that happend to pass by. The car rolled harmlessly into the ditch.
In drunken rage vangaurd pushed Gem out of the driver's seat.
"You crashed *takes drink* my ship, It's my turn now! shouted Vangaurd.
"Alright, alright just take us into town. We need to buy a house and settle into society." ordered Gem.
"Ewe got it babe!" said Vangaurd as he peeled out of the ditch.
Vangaurd carelessly hit a padestrian as he sped down the road to the nearest city.
Chapter Seven: Destroy All Humans!
A week had past since smecky and saM shot down VoD's ship. Since then they had been busy abducting humans all across the fruited plains. Recently they had attacked the Californian town of Santa Mira to abduct the entire population of 67,000 humans.
smecky laughed and lick his lips as their heat ray swept over the sunny little town and caught houses on fire. The humans ran out of their burning homes but was sucking into the sky thanks to the saucer's tractor beam.
"Destroy them all" ordered saM, "At this rate are quota will be filled with in a few days"
A few hours later the entire town was leveled. saM landed and smecky got out to gather the brain juices for the humans they missed.
"...and remember it is important that you recover their brain juices un harmed" ordered saM
"Don't get your scrotum in a naught!" yelled smecky, "You will get your prescious brain juices!"
"But it is important that they are unharmed!" yelled saM.
"Whatever!" said smecky.
"God do you ever listen to me?" said saM.
smecky ignored him and crossed the streat and proceded to suck out the nearest human's brain juices.
"Deleicious!" he said. "Mmmmmm, nothing like fried brains in the morning."
He put the brain juices in a jar and went chasing down the next human, who was wailing and screaming as the kitteh's anal probe came bearing down on him.
But off in the distance two figures where watching them.
"Did you see what I saw?" asked a Gman
"You bet your ass sweat I did. What did you see?" replied the other Gman
"A little green cat in a flying saucer wiping out the least populated town in California" said the first Gman
"Right. Good. Me too." said the 2nd Gman, "Green not orange?
"Don't be a stiff" replied the Gman, "Do you know what this means?"
"Absolutely." said the 2nd, "What?"
"Get on the horn to General Mandalore" ordered the 1st Gman, "We've got a worst case scenario!"
Chapter Eight: A Clockwork Orange
By this time Vangaurd of Destruction and Gemaphrodite had managed to settle down in a undisclosed location in the United States. They had been living in a huge house that they hud broke into while it was on the market for sale.
They tried to live incognito except Vangaurd kept harassing the neighbors in his drunken rage! Also on the street lived Norskatt, a flirtatous mother of five, Ghostlightning who lived in his mom's basement, and GreedIsNoException the HighSchool football star.
Suddenly the door bell rang!
Door Bell: *gay voice* Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
"AH the bells, the bells *hick*" yelled Vangaurd, who was obviously experiencing a hangover.
"I'll get it!" shouted Gem, as she rushed to the door before Vangaurd could answer and fling his ****** at whoever was ringing.
"Hello?"
In front of her was Greed the athletic star. He looked a bit nervous.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" stated Greed, "HI!"
Then he bolted through the front lawn across the street and back into his own house. Gem stood there weirded out by Greed. She shut the door and was about to go back to her room to try to study up on earth culture when the door bell rang again. She opened it.
"WHAT!" she yelled.
Cowering there was Ghost, who had just soiled himself.
"I *sniffs and adjusts nerd glasses* just wanted to *sniff* welcome you to the neighborhood" he said, "I'm sorry if this is kinda weird considering..."
"Uh..." said Gem, "Nighborhood?"
"What? You don't know what a neighborhood is?" asked Ghost, "Are you like one of those rooskies or sumthin?
"Uh yeah, I'm not from around here. English is new to me" she explained.
"If your new here then I got to show you the town!" said Ghost as he grabbed Gem's hand.
"I rather wouldn't-"
Then Greed tackled Ghostlightning out of the way, his body was sent flying into the rose thicket!
"Listen Gem" started Greed, "I was nervous before, and I well I have noticed you are new here and I havn't seen you in school yet. So I was wondering if I could take you around the town to get to know each other? That is if your legal gaurdian dosn't have a problem?"
"Lay one hand on her and I'll rip ya a new ****! *drinks vodkahol* shouted Vanguard.
"What was that?" asked Greed.
"Nothing!' said Gemaphrodite, "My parantal gaurdian dosn't have a problem!"
She quickly shut the door as she dragged him away from the front porch. They went across the street and piled into Greed's brand new red sportscar. And he drove off into the heart of the town to show Gem around and have a good time.
But little did Gem know that there was another problem developing. VangaurdofDestruction had just exhasted his supply of Vodkahol and he decided to go on a deranged search for more.
Chapter Nine: THIS IS THE STRIPMALL!
"...and this is what we humans call a Mall." said Greed. "That is where we by clothing."
There was a sparkle in Gem's eye at the very mention of clothing.
"But of course I would hardly consider you forigners, human" continued Greed, who was a little bit racist.
"STOP" she yelled, she jump out of the car, ran through traffic and into the shopping mall. After parking his car Greed ran in to find her standing in awe at the towering racks of clothes that had been lined up outside the department stores for clearance sales.
"I take it you have never seen one before then?" asked Greed.
"No, I havn't" replied Gem, "We don't have these where I come from."
Gem grabbed dozens of bras, panties, shorts, skinny jeans, bikinis, etc off the racks and stuffed them into her shopping cart. She dragged Greed across the store as she visited every clearence sale, at each stop she bought something. Eventually Greed had to get a 2nd shopping cart.
Gem looked over her selection of items and smiled, this would make up for loosing her original belongings over the Gulf of Mexico.
"C'mon, lets go." said Gemaphrodite, "Lets get something to eat."
She started heading towards the exit of the mall, a few passers by gave her some strange looks seeing the amount of clothing she had hoarded. She was about ready to go through the door when Greed stopped her.
"What are you doing?" he yelled, "We have to pay for those!"
Gem laughed and let out a nervous chuckle.
"Ah yes, "pay"" she replied.
The sports star took her to the checkout. The clerk gave her a look of disgust when he saw her selected clothing. Eventually the total rang up to $345.79.
"Pay up, ****!" the clerk ordered.
"Uhh...er...what do you mean" asked Gem, she began to turn red as she was put on the spot.
"GIME MY DAMN MONEY!" yelled the Clerk.
"Money?" asked Gem.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a few rubies that passed as currency back on her homeplanet.
"Listen I don't know what your trying to prove," yelled the clerk, "...but I will call for security if you keep this up!"
Gem was about to break down and cry.
"Don't you have any money?" asked Greed.
She shook her head.
He sighed a reached for his credit card and payed the clerk for her. The man reluctently accepted it and packaged all Gem's clothes for her.
"They don't pay me enough for this!" he muttered.
He took the clothes out to Greeds car as they both followed behind.
"So you really have no money?" asked Greed.
"No" she replied. "Only those rubies"
"Golly, what planet are you from?" joked Greed.
Gem immediately became alert and tackled Greed and pinned him to the ground. She punched him in the face and pulled out her hidden ray gun and aimed it at his face.
"All right spy!" she ordered, "Start talking!"
"Huh, what are you doing?" he asked, "Why did you hit me?"
"Who sent you? How did you get here? How many more of you are searching for me?" she yelled.
There was a growing crowd in the parking lot watching the scene.
"Spy? I'm no spy!" he said, "What are you talking about?
"How do you know about other planets?" Gem screamed!
"Planets? said Greed, "I was only joking, gawd it was a joke."
"A joke" asked Gem
"YES!" he replied.
Gemaphordite blushed red from her over reaction.
"Now get of me and put that stupid toy away" said Greed as he pushed her ray guy out of his face. He had no idea it was real.
"Uhh...Sorry about that." said Gem. "I over reacted, I'm sorry about that. I really am."
"I don't care." said Greed, "I'm taking you home."
He grabbed Gem and pushed through the crowd and went to his car. After a long silent drive he dropped her and her clothing off at her house.
Gem felt horrible after her stupid over reaction, it might have cost her a friend. She wished she could travel back in time and fix her mistake. Clearly she didn't know enough about Earth Culture to fit in.
She dragged her clothes inside her house and looked around for Vangaurd.
"Hey, I'm back" she yelled, "Vangaurd?"
But Vangaurd was gone!
Chapter Nine: It's a Trap!
General Mandalore ordered his units into position. They slowly surrouned smecky and saM.
saM was setting up the picnic area in the middle of Santa Mira's main park. He layed the clothe out over a table and set up some human food they had looted from the town. saM took a bite of bread. He chewed it for a little bit then spat it out all over the table.
smecky didn't care he was hoarding bottles of milk and storing them in their saucer to take back to his litter of kittehs back on his homeworld.
"Damnit smecky, quit messing around" yelled a angry saM, "Don't you have the manors to be polite and come join me in my victory picnic?"
"NO!" yelled the kitteh as he threw a milk bottle at saM. saM ducked and the milk bottle flew past and hit General Mandalore in the face. The General toppled over backwards into the park's grass.
"Oh my gawd, you killed him!" said saM
They both gathered around the dead General, glass was impaled into his face and milk soaked his military uniform.
"It was your fault!" rebuttled smecky, "You didn't catch it!"
"Wait why are we so concerned about killing a human?" asked saM.
"Yeah?" said smecky, "Good point let's suck out his brain juices and kill more humens!'
smecky reached for his anal probe.
Mandalore shot up from the ground holding a tape recorder.
"Got'cha!" said Mandalore, "That's all the evidence we need!"
"Wah!" exclaimed saM, "Your alive!"
"Damn straight, and I got'cha right where I want ya" laugh Mandalore.
"It's a Trap!" shouted smecky
"Pathetic human!" laughed saM, "Do you really think your primitive army can defeat our advanced space fairing civilization?"
"Of course not!" laugh Mandalore, "That's why there is a back up plan!"
Then he quickly shackled a pair of hand cuffs on saM and smecky.
"We're going to lock you up for a long time!", said General Mandalore.
"That's where your wrong!" retored smecky, "We have a right to a fair trial first!"
"Damnit!" yelled Mandy, "You aliens know too much about the American Legal System."
"Ha, now you have to release us!" laughed smecky.
"Not so fast!" rebuttled Mandalore, "I'm going to sue you on criminal charges! I'll see you in court!"
"Bastard!" screamed saM
"Boys, take em away." said Mandy
Then a group o MPs took saM, smecky and their flying saucer and louded them into the back of a truck. The General watched as the military convoy escorted them off into the distance. Mandalore patted himself on the back as he had single handedly stopped the alien invasion.
"Call me Admiral Mandalore!" he yelled at the top of lung!
Chapter Ten: American Legal
US Supreme Court, Washington DC.
Several MPs dragged, a screaming a kicking smecky kitteh into the court.
"Get your paws off me you damn dirty apes!" he screamed.
The Earthlings pointed and laughed as he was humiliated. Eventually he was dragged to the front where saM was already waiting.
"Can't you show some dignity?" he said, "This is humiliating enough as is!"
"Speak for youself!" retored smecky, "I have a litter of kittehs to feed!"
Smecky began to day dream as he thought of his children back on his homeworld, then he felt a sharp pain as The Chief Justice threw the gavel at him! He fell backwards in his chair taking saM along with him.
"Everybody look out!" yelled saM, "That chief justice is a ZOMBIE!"
"braaaaaains", maoned the Chief Justice.
Suddenly all the justices on the Supreme Court was actually Zombies, then jumped down from their seats of power and began to feast on the brains of the living. All the normal earthlings ran around in panic and died because they brains was eat!
"Their stealing all our brains!" screamed saM as he helped himself up. "How dare they!"
"Yeah if anyone destroys this planet it had better be us!" added smecky
Admiral Mandalore jumped down from the ceiling and shotgunned the nearest justice.
"Get your sorry asses up off the floor" he yelled as he handed them some shottys, "Our Government has been infiltrated by Zombie Communists!"
"Good" laughed smecky, "Two birds with one stone!"
"Listen, I don't like you guys but if we are going to stop these zombies we need to destroy their leader" said Mandy.
"And that is?" said saM
"RandumbVangaurd, the president of the United States!" said Mandalore,
Chapter Eleven: Have you seen my inhaler?
Gem was in her living room reading the newspaper, which mentioned a Zombie apaccolypse in Washington DC. That had Gem gravely worried. But what had Gemaphrodite even moar worried was the absence of Vangaurd of Destruction. To find him she would need help.
She Knocked on Ghost's door, from the basement came the clattering footsteps. They grew louder until GhostLightning opened the door. He was covered in bandaids from being knocked into the rose bushes.
"Hey I need you help" began Gemaphrodite as she adjusted her cleavege, "I can't find my "parental gaurdian""
"Don't worry, I'll call the cops" said Ghostlighting, "They're good with this sorta stuff."
Ghost reached down his pants and grabbed something, then he grabbed something else. He pulled out a phone and was about to call when Gem took it out of his hand.
"I rather wouldn't get the local law enforcement involved" she explained.
"I *adjusts glasses* see" he replied, "Then why do you need me then?"
"I have need to facilitate and use one of your primitive carbon based motor transports" said Gemaphrodite.
"Uhhh you mean a car?" asked Ghost.
"Yeah one of those." she replied.
"Well you have come to the right nerd!" he yelled.
A few moments later Ghost backed a red Dodge Charger out of his driveway. It had pinup photos of lightning all over the side. Even a few nudies too.
"This is my special car" he began, "It has twin turbo, stick shift, four wheel drive, sports mode, duel suspencion...[techno crap ensues]"
Gemaphrodite woke up from her long nap in the passanger's seat right as Ghost finished.
"....and further moar" he continued, "Mom says I have to wear a helmet *puts on helmet* while driving because it's cold."
"Not so fast!" yelled Norskatt, "Gemaphrodite where are you going? You better be looking for that no good SoB parental gaurdian of yours because he broke into my house and raided my liquor cabnit!'
"Actually, I am." said Gemaphrodite.
"Well scoot over cause when you find him I have a few words to say to him!" she yelled as she got in the back.
"Norskatt, don't you have children to look after?" asked Ghost.
"Mind your own damn biznezz!' she retororted. "Give Gem the wheel and lets find him now, so I can get back to taking my Valium!'
Gemaphrodite took the wheel and sped off into the town with her two passangers. Not knowing anything about human rules of the road or that she needed a liscence, she found herself speeding down the 4-lane street.
As she sped through a red light and turned left into oncoming traffic she passed a red headed Irish Cop who was parked on the side of the road. He then turned his flashing lights on and began to persuit.
"Looks like I got me a runner" laughed Eli-da-Mage.
Chapter Twelve: A GIANT NEMATOAD THAT SHOOTS ACID OUT OF IT'S BUTTCRACK!
Admiral Mandalore, smecky kitteh and saMOOrai ran up the steps of the Capital Building shooting all the senators and congressmen that stood in their way. Then in the Rotunda was the Zombie President, Randumb Vangaurd.
"RAWR you have fallen into my trap pathetic aliens!" laughed the zombie president, "Now human Admiral and alien invaders I will feast on your brainz!"
He laughed as he transmagrofied into a gaint nematoad that shot acid out it's buttcheaks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9A9w1UWh-o
"Lets kick ass!" said saM.
The boss fight started!
saM and smecky shot their ray guns at the hidious creature as it jumped from wall to wall spitting acid at them, but Admiral Mandy was no where to be seen! But it didn't matter!
smecky jet packed up into the air and zapped Randumb Vangaurd with his ray gun! The zombie shrugged it off and spat acid out it's buttcheaks. The acid made smecky's jet back die and he fell back to earth.
"How do we stop that thing?" asked a befused smecky.
"We must locate it's weak spots!" said saM, "And by my indications RandumbVangaurd's weak spot is his buttcheeks! This is going to get dirty."
"I'll get the anal probe!" laughed smecky.
"BRAINS!" rawred Randumb Vangaurd.
"Over hear you heathen hell beast!" yelled saM.
"I will destroy you!" screamed the Commander and Chief.
Randumb Vangaurd chased saM through the Rotunda and into the Senate but he was too fat to fit through the hall to reach saM who was standing safely in the Senate Chambers.
"Prepare to die!" laughed saM
Then smecky's anal probe shot up RandumbVangaurd's butt and he exploded in a gory explosion of puss and zombie flesh. The Zombie crisis was averted.
"YOU THINK ME DEFEATED!" laugh RandumbVangaurd.
He then transformed into a really tall Smegol With a Geth Based design. He was so tall he shot through the roof of the capital building.
"To the saucer!" ordered saM.
They took off across the "Mall" as RandumbVangaurd gave chase. Vangaurd shot lazers out his smegol eyes and blew up buildings and census workers. But suddenly he tripped and fell into the Patomic River and drowned.
"Mission acomplished!" laughed saM, "We have overthrown the guvernment, nothing can stop us now."
"Fame and fortune awaits us apon completion of harvesting enough brain juices" laughed smecky.
"Not so fast!" yelled Mandy, "You killed the president, do you really think we are going to let you harvest our brain juices?"
"Yes." replied smecky.
"You have another thing coming!" yelled Mandalore as he reached for his pistol. But before anything could get shot saM stomped on his head and he was dead.
"He was right about on thing." said saM, "We murdered the President, this leaves a great oppurtunity..."
"What are you thinking?" asked smecky, who was licking the blood off his fur.
saM looked at the president's body and then back at smecky and smiled.
"NO!" yelled smecky, "I shoot stuff, I don't lead."
"C'mon" said saM, "Think of the power!"
"NO!" yelled smecky, "There is no way you are going to get me to do that!"
"As president you can boink anyone you want!" said saM.
"Anyone?" asked smecky.
"Yes anyone." replied saM.
"I'm in. *Thinks about elven jedi's boobies* " replied a convinced smecky.
Chapter Thirteen: What happens in Russian stays in Russia...
Later while in The Soviet Union a super secret meeting was taking place inside the Krimlin. In a dark room people where gathered watching super secret slides of saM's and smecky's invasion of the United States. Slowly yet surely they plotted against them.
Chapter Fourteen: Speed limits...We have dismissed that claim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZJk7u_HiJg&feature=related
Was cruising down the highway at speeds of awesome! It took them through the heart to the city. Gemaphrodite was drving and passing cars at speeds of vomit!
"What the hell is that?" asked Gemaphrodite, who noticed the flashing red and blue lights in her rear view mirror.
"The popo!" screamed Ghostlightning, "Pull over."
"Whats that?" asked Gem
"The coppers!" yelled Ghost.
"Is that your civil law enforcement?" she asked.
"Yes, now pull over!" yelled Ghost.
"But-" said Gem as she was cut off.
"Do you want to get arrested?" asked Norskatt.
"No." replied Gem.
"Then pull the hell over!" screamed Norskatt.
She pulled over to the side of the road, so did Eli. The crooked, Irish and redheaded cop slammed his patrol car right into the back of Ghost pimp mobile, destroying the rear fender.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed Ghostlighting, "The precious!"
Eli adjusted his holster and gave himself a pep talk before stepping out of the car.
"Nightstick, check, taking bribes from local gangsters, check! Sence of moral superiority over fellow citizens, CHECK!" thought Eli, "Time to make an arrest!"
He approched Ghost's car.
"Do you know how fast you where going?" said the Irishman.
"There's a speed limit?" asked a stunned Gem, "I'm sorry I-"
"Do you take me to be an idiot?" yelled Eli, "Get our of the car!'
Gem stepped out, Eli had her do a line test after that he asked to see her license.
"License?" she asked.
"Yeah that's what I bloody said!" yelled Eli.
Gemaphrodite began to panic and blush red because she had none.
"Uhh where I come from I don't need a license." she honestly tried to explain.
"That bloody sucks for you huh?" laughed Eli, "Because I'm taking you in!'
He slammed Gem against the side of Ghost's car and slapped handcuffs one her.
"Watch the pinup decals!" ordered GhostLighting.
Eli wouldn't take another remark. He grabbed his night stick and brought it down ontop of Ghost's head. He curled up into a ball as Eli made Ghost bruised and bloody.
"I'm taking all of you in!" he raged!
But suddenly the sky flashed red as a astroid fell from the sky. It plummeted towards the Earth, and the city shook when it hit the ground. It impacted on the cities suberban outskirts, but yet it was soo huge that Gem and everyone could see it from the heart of the city. As the impact sent shockwaves out several skyscrapers collasped and made boom booms.
"He found me" muttered Gemaphrodite.
"Who?" asked Norskatt?
"Enough!" yelled Eli, "I'm getting the hell out here, I'll take a bribe and return will let you go!"
A bloodied and shaken Ghostlightning reached into his pocket a handed Eli all his lunch money.
"This is it?" muttered Eli, "If I see any of ya again your all as good as dead!"
He took the money and drove away in his cop car.
Then a gaint hidious looking space monster exploded out of the crashed astroid! It looked like a space dragon/robot it breathed fire on the suburbian housing. It was barbatti99. Sent here to capture Gemaphrodite's DNA!
Chapter Fifteen: Attack of the 50ft giant fire breathing space monster!
"Whats going on!" demanded Ghostlightning.
"Yeah!" added Norskatt, "I think we are entitled to some answers."
Gem sighed.
"Okay this might be a shock but I'm actually-" said Gem.
"One....*hick*.....plus one.......equeals....*hick* .....window!" yelled a drunken Vangaurd of Destruction.
"You came back!" exclaimed Gem!
"You bet your tushy I did." yelled Vangaurd.
Then in a magical explosion of pimp dust Ghost's care turned into a Robtic Flying car!
"Get you *hick* swweeet little ass in *hick errr" ordered Vangaurd, who was throwing Ghost and Norskatt out of the back seat. "Time to finish this ****!'
He took a swig of Vodkahol and got behind the wheel, with Gem in the passanger seat.
"Bye guys" exclaimed Gem as Vangaurd flew the care in the direction of barbatti99.
"What the hell was that all about? exclaimed Norskatt, "I didn't even get to yell at Vangaurd."
"Did you just see that *adjusts glasses* they stole my car!" exclaimed Ghost.
The human military was in full retreat as barbatti99 stomped on their tanks and jeeps. His fire breath roasted the houses and people below as he searched for his target.
"RAWR, YOUR DNA WILL BELONG TO ME! I WILL NOT FAIL MY MASTER! RAWR!" bellowed barbatti99.
"What's the plan?" asked Gem
"THIS!' exclaimed Vangaurd.
The car exploded as he flew it into barbatti99's face. The hidious space monster then had a heart attack and died. From the inner city Ghost could see his car explode.
He fell to ground and pounded his fist on the pavement.
"YOU MANIAC, YOU DESTROYED IT DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" he squealed.
That night Gem had a moment to reflect on the days events, she almost revealed her identity to her neighbors what was even worse was that her location was no longer a secret. She worried about her parents back on her homeworld. But she didn't have time to worry because Vangaurd of Destruction was trapped underneath the refrigerator again and needed assistence.
During his absence Vangaurd raided every liquor store and concocked his very own homemade vodkahol, that made the fridge top heavy.
Chapter Sixteen: The truth comes out
The next morning Gemaphrodite woke up and headed down stairs and turned on the television. The news was covering the aftermath of their recent space monster attack. As she watched she dug her spoon into her bowl of "Honey Bunches of Pumice".
"There magicly delicious!" excaimed Ghostlightning who was crawling in through the back window. Norskatt wasn't far behind.
"You better come clean with us Gem." demanded Norskatt, "You have been acting wierd!"
"Yeah!" added Ghostlightning, "Weirder then I usually act!"
"All right then you asked for the truth, and I'm telling it to you only because I need your help" said Gem, "Can you handle the truth?"
"Uh *adjusts glasses* hu." replied Ghost.
"Alright, I'm a alien." she confessed.
"Get out." exclaimed Norskatt
"No I am actually an off worlder fleeing from another planet" explained Gemaphrodite.
"THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" wheezed Ghostlightning as he fainted, he fell face first into Gem's cereal.
When he came too, Gemaphrodite took then to the garage and showed them all their alien stuff and took the time to fully explain her situation. She told them that her homeworld had been taken over by evil chickens. She also explained the reason why she was hiding and why the enemy needed her DNA.
"Thats...incredible..." exclaimed Ghostlightning. "Can I ask you like a million questions about technology?"
"NO!" yelled Gem.
"Okay." replied a defeated Ghost
"And that's why I need to fit into human culture." explained Gem further.
"I know what the problem is." said Norskatt, "We need to get you schooled! Then you will fit in."
"Are you sure that's a good idea Norskatt?" asked Ghost, "I get beat up at school."
"I don't think she will have that problem, Ghost." replied Norskatt.
"I think Ghost might be right, Norskatt, this is probably a bad idea." suggested Gem.
"Nonsence your going to love highschool!" she replied as she patted Gem's back.
Then randomly a 1956 De Soto exploded through the garage door. The three of them got down as wood splintered everywhere. At the wheel was no one other then Vangaurd of Destruction.
"Hey cutie." flirted Norskatt, "Your looking fine."
Vangaurd took a drink of Vodkahol and stumbled out of the car.
"Listen Lady!" rawred the drunk, "I may be drunk, but tomarrow morning I will be sober. Yet you will still be ugly!"
Chapter Seventeen: Screw you Obama, President Smecky Kitteh is in the House!
Washington DC...
"Are they gone?" asked saM.
"YES!" exclaimed smecky who was seated at his desk in the Oval Office.
saM exploded out of the closet in a torrent of hot sweaty cow hide.
"Your the president, so tell your aids to stop interupting us like that!" angered saM, "I'm getting tired of hiding in the closet each time a human comes along."
smecky who was disguised as the former perisdent shook his head.
"I'm the president I can do what ever I want!" he yelled back at saM, who was know looking cross.
"Listen, I think all this power has gone to your head." replied saM, "You need to focus on brainwashing the American people into surrendering all their brain juices!'
"Calm down buddy, I'm on it." smecky replied.
"Are you now?" complained saM.
"Yeah." said smecky, "Just as soon as I am done looking at this."
"At what?" angered saM, "Let me see!"
"No!" yelled smecky who was begining to hid what ever he was looking at under the desk. saM jumped on top of him trying to grab it.
But saM knocked it out of smecky's hand and female cat pictures fell all over the floor. smecky's face went red.
"Are YOU going NATIVE?" asked saM in horror. "I can't belive this!"
saM was about ready to storm out of the oval office and head to their saucer that was parked in the rose garden when suddenly KGB agents stormed in from every direction.
"Communists!" exclaimed saMOORAI, right as several KGB kidnapped him. He was carried through the White House kicking and screaming as the communists made a mess of the place.
smecky took cover behind his desk and equipped his ray gun. As bullets wizzed by he jumped out of his presidential suit and starting shooting the commies. The heat from his ray gun turned the KGB agents into shrivled proons. Then entered the head KGB agent followed up by more goons.
"Ah this must be saMOORAI" he said in a clear Russian accent.
"Uh no, this is smecky-kitteh." retorted the alien cat thing.
A KGB agent then wispered something into the head agent's ear.
"Oh I'm sorry about that smecky, my mistake." he appologiezed "However my comrades and I have concluded your little invasion of the United States is a grave threat to us. And therefore you must be nutralized."
"At this very moment we have kidnapped and stolen your leader and all your supply of brain juices" explained the KGB agent.
Then he and his groupies pointed their weapons right at smecky's face.
"Mines bigger..." he grinned revealing his ray gun.
But before anything could happen a series of sniper shots burst through the window shooting all the KGB agents in the head. Their lifeless corpses fell to the ground.
"Wah" smecky exclaimed!
He looked to where the shots came from. In the Rose Garden he saw a female figure. She had blond hair and was very butifull But he only managed to get a quick glimpse before she slipped out of sight.
smecky kitteh had a knew mission now, rescue saM, get their brain juices back, and find out who that babe was.
Chapter Eighteen: He tried to kill me with a forklift.
smecky kitteh was hot on the KGB's trail. Eventually it took him to Tokashima, Japan. Tokashima was a busy industialized town with dense forests and tall mountains in the surrounding area. From his saucer he was picking up strange readings about green glowingness from the town, he would have to go on foot to get a closer look. He landed his ship and waited in the bushes by a road to wait for the perfect victim.
"Hey you!" angered smecky, "Come here!"
A very supersticious Japanese man stopped and looked around to see who was talking to him.
"Ohh, Gamera. Is that you?" he said, "You are friend to children!"
"Come closer!" screamed smecky kitteh.
"Ohh, what ever you say Gamera!" the man replied as he inched closer to the bus
#235
Guest_Pacifien_*
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:32
Guest_Pacifien_*
Guest_Pacifien_*
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- Guests
[Edit: Post removed by original poster request. - Pacifien]
Modifié par Pacifien, 14 novembre 2010 - 11:11 .
#236
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:34
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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- Guests
3rd half!
"I am your mother." confessed Norskatt.
But before anyone could say anything at the shock of that revelation the hidious snow yetti that was Gameiac jumped out of the darkness and bit off Norskatt's head. Then leaped out the door in a trail of blood!
"After him!" ordered Gemaphrodite.
Eli and elven used their hand guns and opened fire on the creature. Several bullets entered Gameiac's thigh. Wounded the creature limped into a adjasent building.
"Don't let him escape!" ordered saM.
"Mother........." wept Ghostlightning as he was dragged along by Gemaphrodite.
The trail of blood lead into another dark building.
"Should we go in?" asked elven.
"Do we have a choice?" retorted Eli.
"On the count of three we will do it!" ordered Gemaphridite as she was stepping into a leadership role.
On the count of three they all burst into the building! Ryoko kicked down the front door as Eli rode in on top of her playing the bag pipes. saM opened fire with his heavy duty pulse rifle, elven fired randomly into the darkness with her pistol. Vangaurd threw some molotovs while Gem shot into the darkness using her ray gun. Gostlightning was all moapy and pouted outside.
"Not one step closer!" said a deep raspy yet squealy voice. "I have hostages!"
elven illuminated the room with he flashlight. In the back was Gameiac and indeed he did have hostages. They where none other then Bioware's own Chris Priestly and Stanley Woo! Both where tied and gagged in the corner as Gameiac waved his gun at them.
"I want Mass Effect 3, a bucket of Kuntucky Fired Chicken, hookers and a chopper here in 20 mins!" he demanded, "Or the forum ninja gets it!"
"Listen we don't want to hurt you." explained Gem, "We are only trying to recruit you. That's it. I think it wou-"
"Die!" yelled Vangaurd of Destruction as he threw his molotov cocktail at Gameiac and the Bioware employees.
The room erupted in screams and fire. The moderators and the Yeti burst into flames as the whole room began to be engulfed in the inferno. Gem, Vangaurd, Ghost, Eli, Ryoko, saM and elven made it out just in time.
"Now what?" asked elven.
"I like turtles." mused Vangaurd as he was obviously drunk.
"We head to Solaris." ordered saM, "Their is nothing more we can do except try to stop the Space Crabs and Gaurdsman.
With Norskatt dead, Ghost in tears and Gameiac and the moderators also dead the team returned back to the glaicer where their ships where parked.
"Not so fast!" laughed a extremly crisp Gameiac from atop the glaicer. "I will come with you on one condition."
"But you dead!" said saM
"Only half dead!" laughed Gameiac.
"And what would that happen to be?" asked a shocked yet curious Gem.
"I want some alone time with elven jedi."
"Ew what, no!" shocked elven, "Not with him."
"It's a deal." interupted saM.
"NO!" angered elven.
Gameiac was happy and went
Chapter Thirtyseven: 1957: A Space Oddessy
0:00 to 0:45
"Oi!' exclaimed Gem, "It's gona blow!"
Gem, Vangaurd, saM, elven, Ghostlightning, and Gameiac ran as fast as they could away from Soviet Premier Gaurdsman's Space Crab Hut/MoonBase. The team took cover behind a rock while they waited for the explosion.
"Where is Eli-da-mage and Ryoko." asked Gameiac as he rubbed elven's leg.
"LOOK!" exclaimed Ghost, "Over there!"
There was an explosion in the Space Crab Moon Hut as Ryoko the flying Unicorn burst through the roof carring Eli on top.
"Eat haggis!" yelled Eli, but no one could here him cause the moon has no atmosphere.
Eli threw his haggis at the Giant Space crab that was hanging onto Ryoko's tail. The haggist made the space crab die. Ryoko and Eli made it to saftey just as the Moon Base exploded in a green mist! Soviet Casmonaughts and Space Crabs exploded in every which direction. Then finally the supports gave way and the base collasped in on it's self. The Earth was safed.
Suddenly the corpse of a giant space crab landed ontop of Ghostlightning, Ghostlightning who was always afraid of space crabs thought he was going to die.
"Send my socks to mother...." where his dieing words.
"Should we tell him he's fine?" asked elven.
"Nah, lets leave him here." suggested Gameiac.
They watched as he thrashed about trying to push the corpse off his body.
But Gema was loosing her patience, with the earth saved it was time to take back her homeworld. She began to head back to saM saucer when...
"I am detecting some weird plot motive on my scanners!" explained saM, "By my indication it is inside the rubble of the space hut shack thing."
"I think we should investigate." suggested Eli-da-mage.
"No!" snapped Gem, "We exploded the moon base so our job here is done!"
But everyone ingnored her and headed to the smolting ruins of the moonbase.
"Why aren't you guy's coming?" asked Gem as she passed Gameiac and elven.
"He is going to r-" but elven was cut off by Gameiac.
"She is scarred so I am going to keep her company." laughed Gameiac as he began to get intamate with elven.
Gem rolled her eyes and entered the base with everyone else.
"The signal is this way!" said saM as he pelvis thrusted in the direction of the signal.
They crawled through the wreckage, it was cramped and dark and smelly. Around them was all sorts of alien space crab technology. There was a eiry feeling the crapped up Gem's spine as though she had been here before. They crawled though a huge pile of corpses until they reached a part of the moon hut shack that wasn't that badly destroyed. Gema looked up and saw the stars, sun and the earth it was a pretty site because.
"Over here!" exclaimed saM. "I can't belive this...."
Because infront of them was a nude Mandalore, he was lied down on a operating table.
"Impossible." said Gem, "But how?"
"You tell me, after all it was me who killed him." added saM.
Then Mandalore's eyes opened he glared and snarled at saM, then turned to Gem and gave her a big hug.
"The ****storm." he wispered into her ear.
"But your dead!" exclaimed Gema, "Furthermore how can you survive in this enviorment without a space suit.
"I'm a clone, I filterfeed. " laughed Mandalore, "Now plase excuse my BONER RAGE!"
He pressed his body up against Gem's space suit and tried to kiss her.
"Look out he has a ray gun!" exclaimed Eli.
Out of the wreckage appeared Gaurdsman! He ran at Gem and Mandalore fireing his plasma pistol at them.
It was almost like slow motion, plasma rounds cut through Gem's space suit and killed her instantly. Mandy caught Gema's lifeless body before it could float to the ground. Eli through his bagpipe at Gaurdsman. Gaurdsman was allergic to anything scottish and died.
"Goodbye, my lu-." sighed Gemaphrodite as she felt Mandy's left buttcheak. Then she slipped away and died.
"She deserves a proper burial." suggested the scottish cop.
"C'mon." suggest Mandy, "Let retake Gem's homeworld it's what she would have wanted."
They were about to leave, but Gaurdsman got up and laughed at them.
"Allow me to introduce you to my devilish grand master plan!" he boasted, "This lazer sticking up out of my Space Crab hut will fire a chemical compound that will infect every human with pubic lice!"
Everyone looked up to see a 50 ft laser sticking out of the base's rubble.
"How did we miss that?" thought saM.
"The countdown has already started." laughed Gaurdsman, "You have failed, the Earth is doomed and your girlfirend is dead."
"Your gona pay for that you son of a ****!" angered Mandalore as he shook his fist.
Then Soviet Premier Gaurdsman exploded to reveal himself as a really giant and really meaty and really green Giant Space Crab, plus he had lazar nipples.
"Zar thrustar!" screamed Gaurdsman as he shot his lazer nipples at Mandy.
Chapter Thirtyeight: Dark Side of the moon
saM and Vanguard decided run back to their saucer in order to destroy the laser weapon, while Ryoko, Eli-da-mage and Mandalore fought the Soviet Premier.
"Da svi'daniya!' angered Gaurdsman as he shot his lazer nipples at his enemies.
"Allahu Akabar" cried Eli-da-mage as he mounted his steed, he started playing a scotish battle song on the bag pipes while Ryoko shot rainbows of death at Gaurdsman. The rainbow glanced off Gaurdsman's armor and reflected into the air and hit the lazer. Thus exploding it.
Off where Gameiac and elven was, saM and Vangaurd saw the explosion and bodyslammed each other.
"Looks like out job is done." muttered saM.
"Vodkahol?" asked Vangaurd.
"Sure old bean." replied saM.
"OMFG!" excalimed Vangaurd who looked down behind a rock formation.
"*faceplam*" expressed saM.
"It's not what you think!" angered Gameiac who was doing elven doggie style.
"Make it stop!" cryed elven as her verginity was swept away.
Back inside Mandy took cover behind a pilar and opened fire at Gaurdsman. Like before his heavy crab armor protected him from all the projectiles. The Premier then shot Ryoko with his lazar nipples! The unicorn lost control and crashed into a wall! Eli tumbled off and looked up to see the Ubber Giant Space Crab Monster standing over him.
"Sic, em Ryoko." he ordered. But Ryoko had her unicorn horn stuck in the side of the wall.
Gaurdsman raised his foot to make Eli go squish. Eli felt the air being squeezed out of his chest as the pressure from Gaurdsman's foot increased. "Ima Firin Meh Blarney Stone!" coughed Eli. Then suddenly he opened his mouth and spat out the Blarney Stone at the Premier. "Shoop da whoop!" he yelled.
Gaurdsman fell backwards and farted. He fired his lazar nipples at Eli, but Ryoko freed herself and took the fired for Eli. Once more rainbows where fired at Gaurdsman but his armor was too strong.
"I have a plan!" exclaimed Mandy.
He dropped his weapon and ran towards Gaurdsman, Mandalore jumped on his back and using the strength of his fallen love ripped off Gaurdsman's neck armor.
"He is all yours!" exclaimed Mandy.
Ryoko then flew into Gaurdsman, and her Unicorn horn peirced his crab body and stabbed him. She then fired her rainbow beam and Gaurdsman exploded in a explosion of fisherman and crabmeat. The Earth was saved.
Mandalore grabbed Gemaphrodite's body and left the base with Eli and Ryoko. Eventually everyone met up at the saucer.
"Meh, to bad she died." muttered Gameiac, "I didn't even get my chicken or Mass Effect 3 either."
"Vodkahol!" screamed VangaurdofDestruction.
"Let's get out of here." suggested Mandalore, "We need to liberate her homeworld, it's what Gem would have wanted."
"Are you sh*hick*ing me!" scowled Vangaurd, "Celrath whiill kwill meh!"
"Too bad, we are going to liberate her planet no matter what." scowled Mandalore who was now getting some clothes on. "Let's move."
Everybody started heading up the stairs and into the saucer.
"I'm coming for you!" laughed Gameiac as he chased down elven jedi.
"Get him away from me." she scream.
They placed Gem's body in the ship's morgue and took off. Then it occured to saM.
"Mandalore!" he exclaimed.
"What?" he replied, as he whiped a tear from his eye.
"All is not lost!' he exclaimed, "We have a cloning machine too!"
From the surface of the moon Ghostlightning scowled and flipped them off as he was still trapped under the corpse of the space crab.
Chapter Thirtynine: Viva la Vida
Captain Cornhole was on the balcony of the ruined capitol building, looked apon his conquest and smiled, it was good. Off in the distance and on the streets below his army of chickens were enslaving the populace and whipping them into submition. In the capitol city's park a giant chicken statue was being erected so that it stood tall and proudly over the ruined sandstone buildings of the town. The sky was red, symbolic for death as the sun reached mid morning.
Then Cornhole looked at Girl-of-Gore, who was covered in crustly slime that belonged to bobobo, and on the table Gore slammed her palm down. Beneath her palm was a lock of Gema's hair.
"How did you do it?" asked Cornhole.
"I found it in the trash bin inside her houe back on Earth." explained Gore.
"You have done well, you will be rewarded. explained Cornhole as he took a seat at the table. "But tell me what happened to your teammembers?"
"They...they're no more." explained Gore, "Their-
But she was cut off as a huge explosion erupted down in the street below. The blast ripped apart a troup of chickens in the middle of a marching drill. Pultry and shrapnel flew everywhere. A a thick cloud of smoke erupted from the epicenter other Chickens aswell as the enslaved civilians gathered around.
"What the hell!" exclaimed Gore.
"See anything?" asked Cornhole.
"No." she replied.
"Hand me those binoculars." instructed Cornhole.
A fellow chicken handed him a pair of binoculars, he looked through them at the smoke.
"Son of a ****..." he muttered.
"Uh they're backwards." corrected Gore.
"Oh yes your right, *flips binoculars*." replied Cornhole, the chicken took another peek through the device.
"Son of a ****." he said again.
"What?" asked Gore.
"Take a look." he scowled, as he handed the binoculars to Girl-of-Gore. Core then took a peak through and saw the unspeakable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvKjpGP6P5Y
Out of the smoke came a very recognizable figure, she was dressed in a red and black royal suit of armor. It was light yet strong due to the cevlar meshing in the skinny jeans, vest and combo shirt and overcoat. Her outfit along with knee high boots had the royal colors of red and black. Then in her golden blonde and wavy hair was her crown, a crown to the throne.
It was Gemaphrodite and behind her from the smoke emerged Vangaurd of Destruction, who was dressed like a drunk, Eli-da-mage who was dressed in his traditional scottish warrior garb as he rode atop Ryoko. Then emerged the alien saMOOria and elven jedi who was dressed in her Soviet spy outfit. Then appeared the yetti know as Gameiac and finaly Mandalore, who was still nude...
The crowd of civilians cheered as Gemaphrodite shot the first chicken with her ray gun. Everything felt like slow motion to her as the moment to take back her planet was at hand. The chicken fell to the ground, it's rifle tumbled and stopped at the feet of a civilian. Who in turned picked it up and fired at another chicken.
"To victory!" yelled Gem as the civilians around her joined in the revolution. A spray of bullets errupted as a squad of chickens opened fire at the revolutionaries. Everyone took cover. Then Eli riding Ryoko swooped down and attacked the chickens in a rainbow of death! The chickens began to route as they fell back to a baricade further down the street.
Cornhole looked down as various firefights erupted all over the city, it was clear now the people would not surrender without a fight. On his radio he was recieving reports of attacks all across the planet, his chickens were being overwhelmed.
"I thought you said you killed her." he exclaimed.
"I never said that!" protested Gore.
"Finish her off." he ordered, "I don't have time for this."
In the city square two lines where gathering, on one side were the revolutionaries and on the other side were the chickens. The chickens raised their rifles to fire. The revolutionaries where outnumbered, chace of victory was slim.
"I don't want to loose you again." said Mandy to Gem, "Don't go through with this."
"I must." she replied, "I can't let my people suffer."
With that Gem lead the charge, she ran across the no-man's land and stabbed the pole of the Royal Flag into the nearest chicken. The chickens opened fire at the advancing rebels. A chicken came at Gem, it knocked her to the ground and tried to peck at her with it's beak. She squirmed side to side to avoid the chicken's blows. Then the chicken erupted in flames as Vangaurd threw a molotov cocktail at the beast.
"Thanks." said Gem as she picked up her weapon.
"That was a *hick* waste of vodkahol." he complained, "Not ever *hick* again."
The battle raged as the distinguished lines became a unorganized moshpit of death. People had switched from ranged weapons to hand to wing combat. Mandalore was at the base of the giant chicken statue along with Gameiac as they fought back to back against the chicken hordes.
"Look out!" yelled Mandy, as he pointed to a raging chicken who was charging at them.
But Gameiac used his acid vomit with +12% burn damage to kill the chicken.
"This is rather sporting." he replied. The on the ground they noticed saM, who was wounded. He had a huge pecking mark in his chest while he bled out against the side of the chicken statue.
"We need to get you out of here." said Mandy.
"No it's to late for me." gasped saM, "What if D-O-G spelt backwards was C-A-T?"
"Woah, your deap ma-" but Gameiac was cut off as a knife entered his left buttcheak. Behind him was Girl-of-Gore.
"Cornhole sends his regaurds." she scoffed.
Mandalore was about ready to attack until elven stepped in the way.
"Allow me to handle this comrade." she explained.
"You came to rescue me." exclaimed Gameiac.
"No I hate you alot." she replied. "You raped me!"
"Tehe guilty as charged." giggled Gameiac
"Enough!" angered Gore, "Prepare to die."
Then elven jedi and Gore began to wrastle the most wrastlest fight ever fought. That's when Mandy took his leave. He swung saM and Gameiac over his shoulder and carried them to safety. Behind him the giant chicken statue began to crack and give way. He looked up and noticed the rebel where pulling it down.
"Pull!" yelled Gem. And with one final tug on the ropes the Chicken Statue of Captain Cornhole toppled in slow motion, it fell apart to billions of peices and crush everyone below it. From his balcony Cornhole saw it all happen. The chicken began to rout and fall back to the capitol building.
Princess Gemaphrodite stood atop the chicken head that landed on the steps of the bulding and motioned her revolutionaries to storm the place. Mandy, saM, Eli, Ryoko, Vangaurd and Gamieac nodded approvingly. Gem waved the royal banner in the air and shouted, "Viva la vida!"
Cornhole looked at the revolutionaries pushing his forces back inside the Capitol Building, defeat was inevitable. He locked eyes with Gemaphrodite and scowled at her before turning away from his balcony.
"Time to leave." he said to himself as he grabbed Gem's lock of hair.
At the end of the day the capitol building was lit a flame as the chicken were wiped out in a massive slaughter. Gemaphrodite underneath sam"s fly saucer with her friends and admired what she had done.
Chapter Fourty: Death and all his friends
Yet although it was a victory several things bothered her. Where was elven jedi? Furthermore Captain Cornhole had escape. And worst of all Vangaurd of Destruction was drunk and coming on to her, he wanted to rape her even more then Mandalore wanted to. Mandy and VoD glared at each other from across the campfire. Vangaurd sharped his knife while, Mandy loaded his gun. It was not going to end well. Gem was about to step in when...
"Gema!" exclaimed Celrath as he wiped the tears away with his poop stained beard. "I'm gona rape you up the butt!"
"Really?" she asked as she wiped a tear from her eye. She was happy to see her father was alive.
"Hellz yeah, it will be just like old times!" said the crazy father as he put his hand on Gema's leg. "I have been looking foward to this for a loooong time."
"Get away from her you pervert!" angered Mandalore, "She's mine."
"Not *hick euw get out heawrr, er ass belongs to *drinks vodkahol* me!" raged Vangaurd.
Before Gem knew it Clerath was choking Vangaurd with his beard, Mandy was biting Celrath's leg and Vangaurd was attempting to hit Mandy over the head with some vodkahol. As the squable insued, Gem became curious about the where abouts of her mother, Izzy.
"Father where is she?" Gem asked.
They stopped squabling for a moment and Celrath lowered his head and shed a tear.
"Wife has been deadz!" he mumbled.
"CORNHOLE KILLED WIFE?" shocked Gem.
"Yes she is shot in back of head." replied Celrath as he returned to strangling Vangaurd.
Gem shed tears, she walked away from the saucer. She looked over her destroyed kingdom, fire raged in her eyes. Cornhole would pay!
"We're going after Cornhole!" she suddenly announced to everyone!
"GASP!" gasped Mandy
"GASP!" gasped Celrath
"GASP!" gasped Gameiac
"GASP!" gasped saMOOrai
"*hick*!" hicked the drunk Vangaurd
"GASP!" gasped Eli.
"GASP!" gasped Ryoko.
"We don't even know where he escaped to!" protested Gameiac.
Gem thought for a moment. Then-
"I do!" replied a voice from the darkness. Then elven jedi entered the light of the campfire with the corpse of Girl-of-Gore. "Before we made out she told me everything, what Cornhole's secret plans were, he is going to use your DNA to access Celrath's bank account." she explained, "And where he is going all of that. Then I murdered her, it was kinda arrousing."
"And where is he going?" asked Gemaphrodite.
"To JRCHOharry's Jupiter Brain/Planatoid House!' answered elven jedi.
Chapter Fourtyone: That's no moon.
The next morning Gemaphrodite, elven jedi, Mandalore, Vangaurd of Destruction, Gameiac, saM, Eli and Ryoko took off in their saucer to give pursuit to Cornhole. Eventually using the cordnates provided by elven they piloted off to the Galatic Core.
Gem was in the cockpit with saM as they flew after Captain Cornhole.
"Who is this JRCHOharry?" asked Gem to saM.
"He is the most feared and powerful being across the cosmos!" explained saM, "Once in the distant past there was a war between him and all the great civilizations in this galaxy. He lost in the first few weeks of the war. Ever since then he has lived in private inside his Jupiter Brain, inside the Galatic Core."
"Look what's that!" asked Gameiac as he spread his buttcheaks and pressed them up against the viewing window. Everyone gathered to the front of the saucer and looked at the grey spec that was contrasted against the redish nebulas, blackholes, astroids and burning stars. What ever it was it was above a supermassive black hole, which was the Galatic Core.
"What is that?" asked Gameiac.
"Look at the size of that thing!" commented Mandalore.
The object began to grow insize as they approched it.
"It's probably a small moon." suggested saM.
"I have a bad feeling about this." muttered elven.
The object grew insize considerably, large enough that it was the size of any jeoven planet.
"That's no moon." said Eli. "That's a space station."
Mandalore began to scream and pound on the walls of the saucer.
"Turn this thing aroudn, I'm to attractive to die!" he screamed.
"I think your right!" replied smecky. But suddenly they were caught in a tractor beam and there was nothing they could do as JRCHOharry's Juptier Brain pulled them into a hanger.
Chapter Fourtytwo: JRCHOharry
The group left the hanger and wondered deaper into the core of the Jupiter Brain, until they came to a big throne room. The room was dark and shaped like a giant square, it stretched for miles in every direction and there was a series of gigantic pilars extending from the ceiling down to the floor and in the center was the throne. At the throne was JRCHOharry and next to him was Captain Cornhole with a squad of chicken warriors.
"JRCHOharry!" angered saM, "I should have know you and Cornhole were dating!'
"In your dreams you crazy pervert!" laughed JRCHOharry as he applied some lip gloss, "You have failed, our plans are almost complete. Invading your pathetic homeworld was just part of the grand plan."
JRCHOharry was beefy and coated in bronze body pain and wearing a chain-male speedo. He had a silly cape on and had piecings all over his body. Gem couldn't help but stare.
"Youz will pay Cornhole!" yelled Gem as she shook her fist in rage, Vangaurd of Destuction and Mandy had to hold her back.
"In fact I already did!" laughed the ware-chicken, "I accessed Celrath's bank account and withdrew all his life savings and then I bought this kick ass space station from JRCHOharry!"
"But why!" asked Mandy.
"Because!" laughed JRCHOharry, "Cornhole and I came to a agreement!"
"For what!" asked Gem.
"It is simple really." explained JRCHOharry, "Remember when you banned me at the end of the last story Gem?
"No." she replied.
"Really?" he said in suprise, "Any how, for millions of years I have been planning to get my godly powers back! Then it occured to me I was browsing the the internet, with one hand on the mouse and the other on my...well you get the picture. And on Ebay I found a time machine, I decided to buy it and travel back in time to stop you from banning me in the last story! 'Eexcept it was 3,000 billion dollars. I didn't have the money, until now."
"But what does Cornhole get out of this?" she asked.
"He gets the money, cause I bought this Jupiter Brain from him!" laughed Cornhole, "It will be a place for opressed chickens across the galaxy to come live as a refuge. Chickens have been oppressed for far to long. Here are numbers will grow and then we will return the favor and eat those who would eat us!"
"Not if I blow this **** up first!" laughed saM, as he ran back to the hanger along with Eli, Ryoko, and elven.
"Stop them!' order JRCHOharry.
Conrhole and his chickens ran past Gem, Mandy, Gameiac and VangaurdofDestuctions and gave chase. Gem shrugged and turned her attention to JRCHOharry.
"Feel the power!" he yelled.
JRCHOharry pelvis thrusted at Gem and her groupies. Out of his crotch, shot bolts of lightning they where aimed directly at VangaurdofDestruction. The electricity ignited the vodkahol inside his stomach. Vangaurd was instantly killed in a episode of Spontanious Human Cumbustion. Puss, and vodka exploded everywhere.
"You son of a ****!" yelled Gem as she saw her drunk gaurdian protector die infront of her eyes.
"Embrace my package!' laughed JRCHOharry.
Before Gem could do anything JRCHOharry was up in Gem's face and rubbing his golden speedo bulge in mouth.
"You cannot resist!" he laughed.
"GAMEIAC RAGE!" raged Gamiac, he jumped onto of JRCHOharry and began to ripp off all his piercings. He responded by yanking out Gamiac's fur. They scratched and hit at each other in a fit of pansy awesome socks.
Mandy helped Gem up and gave her a hug.
"Glad your alright." he said.
"Can you get some clothes on? asked Gem.
But before Mandy could respond a blue police box materialised on Vangaurd's corpse. And out stepped the gayest person ever. Matt Smith as Doctor Who.
"I thay, is thweer ah JRCHOharry heewr?" lisped The Doctor, "Your time machine has ah-rived!"
Chapter Fourtythree: Tubula Rasa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze8V8fRKx6Q
saM, crawled into his fly saucer and prepped the engines. From the cockpit he saw Eli and Ryoko, they flew out of the hanger and began to attack the outer hull of Captain Cornhole's Jupiter Brain. Then he saw the unspeakable, elven was being raped by a herd of ****s!
"Help me!" she screamed as the beaks pressed down on her leather skin thight armor.
"Sorry can't here you!' he laughed, "Smiteing!" Sam then fired his death ray on his saucer. The beem sweeped over elven's head and incenerated a heard of chickens. Then explosions ripped the hanger apart. saMOORAI left the hanger and joined up with Ryoko and Eli.
Captain Cornhole finally caught up to his chickens who where holding elven hostage.
"Well just don't stand there!" he ordered, "Stop them from destroying my Jupiter Brain!"
As he gave the order swarms of pultry left the damaged hanger and gave chase to Eli, Ryoko and saM.
"Now elven jedi prepare to die!" laughed Cornhole as he raised his beak and brought it down on top of elven jedi. With the Soviet Super Sex Goddess dead, Cornhole returned back to JRCHOharry.
saMOORIA and Eli-da-mage/Ryoko wooshed over the outer hull of the Jupiter Brain far ahead in the distance was a venalation shaft that would lead to the core. If they destroy the core the Jupiter Brain would collaspe and fall into the galatic core.
"I'm picking up bogies on our six!" warned Eli.
"Where are they I don't see em!" replied saM.
"Trust me they're out there!" he replied.
"Wait I see em." replied saM, "They are coming down from above!"
Behind them was a massive swarm of chickens! They flapped their wings as super fast speeds in order to intercept them. One caught up, it's claws latched onto and dug into Ryoko's behind.
"You have one on your six!" yelled saM.
"Don't you think I know that!" replied Eli as he punched the chicken off his Unicorn.
Eli/Ryoko and saM regrouped and entered the ventalation shaft that would take them to the core. The chickens quickly followed and swepted into the shaft right behind them.
"Awer ewe JRCHOharry?" asked Doctor Who.
"Ugh No." replied Mandy.
"Well just let him know-"
But the doctor was cut off as Captain Cornhole shot him with a laser! Dr. Who collasped to the ground and die. As he relazed his hand revealed the keys to the time machine. Gem quickly scooped them up and grabed them.
"My time machine!" anger JRCHOharry! He ran away from the wounded Gameiac and gave the police box a hug. "Where are the keys?"
Captain Cornhole pointed to Mandalore and Gemaphrodite as the quickly rushed inside the time machine and locked it behind them.
"Now what?" asked JRCHOharry.
"I have a idea." laughed Cornhole, "It won't be long before you can get inside."
Inside Mandalore was quickly fumbling at the controls in a feeble attempt to take off and fly away.
"Here get some clothes on!" ordered Gem as she handed Mandalore a skirt.
"But these are women's clothes!" he complained, "Does the Doctor steel the panties of his companions?"
"Duh, he's a space pedophile." answered Gemaphrodite. "Now get back to work."
Mandy slipped the dress on and got back to fumbling at the controls. Gema grabbed a crowbar and gaurded the door. Suddenly on the wooden door rattled as a metal object struck the side. Then there was another thud as the tip of an axe broke through the wooden door.
"Hurry up Mandy!" screamed Gem.
Outside or inside rather, saM and Eli/Ryoko entered a massive chamber and in the center was the core.
"You hold off the chickens, we'll destroy the core!" ordered Eli.
saM turned his saucer around and fired his heat ray down the shaft they had just exited. The heat ray burnt the incoming chickens to a crisp. But more where coming and saM couldn't kill them fast enough. Eli and Ryoko flew though the great expense between saM and the core.
"IMA FIREN MEH RAINBOW SPARKLES!" yelled Ryoko.
As Eli played the bag pipe Ryoko opened her mouth and rainbow lasers shot out her mouth and struck the core. There as a electrical discharge, then a massive explosion as the core went critical and colasped.
Eli/Ryoko flew past the explosion and head to the other side of the chamber and began to fly through the exit shaft in order to escape. Not to far behind was saM, he was nearly engulfed in the firey explosion. But chickens where pecking away at his space craft.
"Hurry up saMOOria!" said Eli.
"I'm not sure I can make it!" replied saM, "They're attcking my ship. Go on without me!"
"Okay!" shrugged Eli as Ryoko sped up and flew through the shaft.
Inside where Gem was....
The Jupiter Brain was shaking and exploding as it began to fall apart. Slowly it was getting sucked into the Galatic Core and become torn apart on the edge of the acreation disk.
"Almost there!" said Mandy as he still was at the controls.
Captain Cornhole was almost through the door, behind him JRCHOharry giggled as soon he would be able to use his time machine. The axe cut through the wood further, the wood splintered and shattered towards Gem who was waiting on the other side with her weapon. Another thud as Cornhole attack the time machine.
"Carefull" complained JRCHOharry, "Don't hurt it too much."
Finally there was a big enough hole in the wooden door, Cornhole dropped his axe and stuck his head through and laughed manically at Gemaphrodite.
"Here's Johnny!' he laughed.
Then smack! With one massive swing of her crowbar Gemaphrodite decapitated Cornhole. His chicken he flew across the room as his body fell lifeless towards JRCHOharry.
"Embrace Perfection!" yelled harry as he shot lighting out of his crotch! The doors exploded open, knocking Mandy and Gem off their feet.
"IMA FIRIN MEH CROTCH CANNON!" he laughed as static began to charge around his crotch. Gem and Mandy cowered in fear as they embraced their last seconds of life. Then suddenly elven jedi used her Soviet dagger and stabbed JRCHOharry in the buttocks.
JRCHOharry exploded into flames and died. elven jedi then collasped, she had been mortally wounded by Captain Cornhole.
"Save me." she whisped.
But Mandy didn't here her. He pressed the escape button and the time machine disapeared from the room. elven looked at where it just was, she then realized she would die. She began to cry, then the mortally wounded Gameiac patted her on the back. The faced each other and smiled.
"I'm sorry for raping you." said Gamieac.
"Screw you!" she replied.
Gameiac ripped off elven's cat suit and pounced on her, they both kissed as the room was engulfed in a massive explosion.
Chapter Fourtyfour: Full Circle
The time machine materialized at a safe distance away from the Jupiter Brain, who the hole where the doors where Gem and Mandy watched as Eli-da-mage/Ryoko and saM narrowly escaped the firey shaft. Right as the escaped the Jupiter Brain exploded and was sucked into the Galatic Core.
With JRCHOharry and Cornhole dead, Gemaphrodite, Mandalore545, Eli-da-mage, Ryoko, saMOORia departed and headed back to Gem's homeworld, to watch her corination as Queen. The on day of the corination Celrath watched Gemaphrodite as she showered. Gemaphrodite dropped her soap as Celrath stepped into the shower with her. There was a grin on her face.
"Now, turn around a bend over!" he laughed.
Peter Molenuex woke up in a cold sweat. He turned on the light and looked at his clock, it was the middle of the night.
"Woody! Woody! Come here!" he screamed.
Then from the other entered room Lionhead Studio's Webmaster, Woody. He had a scone in one hand and a porno mag in the other. As he stepped into the light Peter realized Wood was "woody" and in the nude, with nothing on except a stocking cap.
"What is it?" asked Woody, "Did you have another bad deam, do I need to clean the bed?"
"James Cameron can suck my British nuts cause, I just got a revolutionary idea!" shouted Peter Molenuex from the top of lung.
"I am your mother." confessed Norskatt.
But before anyone could say anything at the shock of that revelation the hidious snow yetti that was Gameiac jumped out of the darkness and bit off Norskatt's head. Then leaped out the door in a trail of blood!
"After him!" ordered Gemaphrodite.
Eli and elven used their hand guns and opened fire on the creature. Several bullets entered Gameiac's thigh. Wounded the creature limped into a adjasent building.
"Don't let him escape!" ordered saM.
"Mother........." wept Ghostlightning as he was dragged along by Gemaphrodite.
The trail of blood lead into another dark building.
"Should we go in?" asked elven.
"Do we have a choice?" retorted Eli.
"On the count of three we will do it!" ordered Gemaphridite as she was stepping into a leadership role.
On the count of three they all burst into the building! Ryoko kicked down the front door as Eli rode in on top of her playing the bag pipes. saM opened fire with his heavy duty pulse rifle, elven fired randomly into the darkness with her pistol. Vangaurd threw some molotovs while Gem shot into the darkness using her ray gun. Gostlightning was all moapy and pouted outside.
"Not one step closer!" said a deep raspy yet squealy voice. "I have hostages!"
elven illuminated the room with he flashlight. In the back was Gameiac and indeed he did have hostages. They where none other then Bioware's own Chris Priestly and Stanley Woo! Both where tied and gagged in the corner as Gameiac waved his gun at them.
"I want Mass Effect 3, a bucket of Kuntucky Fired Chicken, hookers and a chopper here in 20 mins!" he demanded, "Or the forum ninja gets it!"
"Listen we don't want to hurt you." explained Gem, "We are only trying to recruit you. That's it. I think it wou-"
"Die!" yelled Vangaurd of Destruction as he threw his molotov cocktail at Gameiac and the Bioware employees.
The room erupted in screams and fire. The moderators and the Yeti burst into flames as the whole room began to be engulfed in the inferno. Gem, Vangaurd, Ghost, Eli, Ryoko, saM and elven made it out just in time.
"Now what?" asked elven.
"I like turtles." mused Vangaurd as he was obviously drunk.
"We head to Solaris." ordered saM, "Their is nothing more we can do except try to stop the Space Crabs and Gaurdsman.
With Norskatt dead, Ghost in tears and Gameiac and the moderators also dead the team returned back to the glaicer where their ships where parked.
"Not so fast!" laughed a extremly crisp Gameiac from atop the glaicer. "I will come with you on one condition."
"But you dead!" said saM
"Only half dead!" laughed Gameiac.
"And what would that happen to be?" asked a shocked yet curious Gem.
"I want some alone time with elven jedi."
"Ew what, no!" shocked elven, "Not with him."
"It's a deal." interupted saM.
"NO!" angered elven.
Gameiac was happy and went
Chapter Thirtyseven: 1957: A Space Oddessy
0:00 to 0:45
"Oi!' exclaimed Gem, "It's gona blow!"
Gem, Vangaurd, saM, elven, Ghostlightning, and Gameiac ran as fast as they could away from Soviet Premier Gaurdsman's Space Crab Hut/MoonBase. The team took cover behind a rock while they waited for the explosion.
"Where is Eli-da-mage and Ryoko." asked Gameiac as he rubbed elven's leg.
"LOOK!" exclaimed Ghost, "Over there!"
There was an explosion in the Space Crab Moon Hut as Ryoko the flying Unicorn burst through the roof carring Eli on top.
"Eat haggis!" yelled Eli, but no one could here him cause the moon has no atmosphere.
Eli threw his haggis at the Giant Space crab that was hanging onto Ryoko's tail. The haggist made the space crab die. Ryoko and Eli made it to saftey just as the Moon Base exploded in a green mist! Soviet Casmonaughts and Space Crabs exploded in every which direction. Then finally the supports gave way and the base collasped in on it's self. The Earth was safed.
Suddenly the corpse of a giant space crab landed ontop of Ghostlightning, Ghostlightning who was always afraid of space crabs thought he was going to die.
"Send my socks to mother...." where his dieing words.
"Should we tell him he's fine?" asked elven.
"Nah, lets leave him here." suggested Gameiac.
They watched as he thrashed about trying to push the corpse off his body.
But Gema was loosing her patience, with the earth saved it was time to take back her homeworld. She began to head back to saM saucer when...
"I am detecting some weird plot motive on my scanners!" explained saM, "By my indication it is inside the rubble of the space hut shack thing."
"I think we should investigate." suggested Eli-da-mage.
"No!" snapped Gem, "We exploded the moon base so our job here is done!"
But everyone ingnored her and headed to the smolting ruins of the moonbase.
"Why aren't you guy's coming?" asked Gem as she passed Gameiac and elven.
"He is going to r-" but elven was cut off by Gameiac.
"She is scarred so I am going to keep her company." laughed Gameiac as he began to get intamate with elven.
Gem rolled her eyes and entered the base with everyone else.
"The signal is this way!" said saM as he pelvis thrusted in the direction of the signal.
They crawled through the wreckage, it was cramped and dark and smelly. Around them was all sorts of alien space crab technology. There was a eiry feeling the crapped up Gem's spine as though she had been here before. They crawled though a huge pile of corpses until they reached a part of the moon hut shack that wasn't that badly destroyed. Gema looked up and saw the stars, sun and the earth it was a pretty site because.
"Over here!" exclaimed saM. "I can't belive this...."
Because infront of them was a nude Mandalore, he was lied down on a operating table.
"Impossible." said Gem, "But how?"
"You tell me, after all it was me who killed him." added saM.
Then Mandalore's eyes opened he glared and snarled at saM, then turned to Gem and gave her a big hug.
"The ****storm." he wispered into her ear.
"But your dead!" exclaimed Gema, "Furthermore how can you survive in this enviorment without a space suit.
"I'm a clone, I filterfeed. " laughed Mandalore, "Now plase excuse my BONER RAGE!"
He pressed his body up against Gem's space suit and tried to kiss her.
"Look out he has a ray gun!" exclaimed Eli.
Out of the wreckage appeared Gaurdsman! He ran at Gem and Mandalore fireing his plasma pistol at them.
It was almost like slow motion, plasma rounds cut through Gem's space suit and killed her instantly. Mandy caught Gema's lifeless body before it could float to the ground. Eli through his bagpipe at Gaurdsman. Gaurdsman was allergic to anything scottish and died.
"Goodbye, my lu-." sighed Gemaphrodite as she felt Mandy's left buttcheak. Then she slipped away and died.
"She deserves a proper burial." suggested the scottish cop.
"C'mon." suggest Mandy, "Let retake Gem's homeworld it's what she would have wanted."
They were about to leave, but Gaurdsman got up and laughed at them.
"Allow me to introduce you to my devilish grand master plan!" he boasted, "This lazer sticking up out of my Space Crab hut will fire a chemical compound that will infect every human with pubic lice!"
Everyone looked up to see a 50 ft laser sticking out of the base's rubble.
"How did we miss that?" thought saM.
"The countdown has already started." laughed Gaurdsman, "You have failed, the Earth is doomed and your girlfirend is dead."
"Your gona pay for that you son of a ****!" angered Mandalore as he shook his fist.
Then Soviet Premier Gaurdsman exploded to reveal himself as a really giant and really meaty and really green Giant Space Crab, plus he had lazar nipples.
"Zar thrustar!" screamed Gaurdsman as he shot his lazer nipples at Mandy.
Chapter Thirtyeight: Dark Side of the moon
saM and Vanguard decided run back to their saucer in order to destroy the laser weapon, while Ryoko, Eli-da-mage and Mandalore fought the Soviet Premier.
"Da svi'daniya!' angered Gaurdsman as he shot his lazer nipples at his enemies.
"Allahu Akabar" cried Eli-da-mage as he mounted his steed, he started playing a scotish battle song on the bag pipes while Ryoko shot rainbows of death at Gaurdsman. The rainbow glanced off Gaurdsman's armor and reflected into the air and hit the lazer. Thus exploding it.
Off where Gameiac and elven was, saM and Vangaurd saw the explosion and bodyslammed each other.
"Looks like out job is done." muttered saM.
"Vodkahol?" asked Vangaurd.
"Sure old bean." replied saM.
"OMFG!" excalimed Vangaurd who looked down behind a rock formation.
"*faceplam*" expressed saM.
"It's not what you think!" angered Gameiac who was doing elven doggie style.
"Make it stop!" cryed elven as her verginity was swept away.
Back inside Mandy took cover behind a pilar and opened fire at Gaurdsman. Like before his heavy crab armor protected him from all the projectiles. The Premier then shot Ryoko with his lazar nipples! The unicorn lost control and crashed into a wall! Eli tumbled off and looked up to see the Ubber Giant Space Crab Monster standing over him.
"Sic, em Ryoko." he ordered. But Ryoko had her unicorn horn stuck in the side of the wall.
Gaurdsman raised his foot to make Eli go squish. Eli felt the air being squeezed out of his chest as the pressure from Gaurdsman's foot increased. "Ima Firin Meh Blarney Stone!" coughed Eli. Then suddenly he opened his mouth and spat out the Blarney Stone at the Premier. "Shoop da whoop!" he yelled.
Gaurdsman fell backwards and farted. He fired his lazar nipples at Eli, but Ryoko freed herself and took the fired for Eli. Once more rainbows where fired at Gaurdsman but his armor was too strong.
"I have a plan!" exclaimed Mandy.
He dropped his weapon and ran towards Gaurdsman, Mandalore jumped on his back and using the strength of his fallen love ripped off Gaurdsman's neck armor.
"He is all yours!" exclaimed Mandy.
Ryoko then flew into Gaurdsman, and her Unicorn horn peirced his crab body and stabbed him. She then fired her rainbow beam and Gaurdsman exploded in a explosion of fisherman and crabmeat. The Earth was saved.
Mandalore grabbed Gemaphrodite's body and left the base with Eli and Ryoko. Eventually everyone met up at the saucer.
"Meh, to bad she died." muttered Gameiac, "I didn't even get my chicken or Mass Effect 3 either."
"Vodkahol!" screamed VangaurdofDestruction.
"Let's get out of here." suggested Mandalore, "We need to liberate her homeworld, it's what Gem would have wanted."
"Are you sh*hick*ing me!" scowled Vangaurd, "Celrath whiill kwill meh!"
"Too bad, we are going to liberate her planet no matter what." scowled Mandalore who was now getting some clothes on. "Let's move."
Everybody started heading up the stairs and into the saucer.
"I'm coming for you!" laughed Gameiac as he chased down elven jedi.
"Get him away from me." she scream.
They placed Gem's body in the ship's morgue and took off. Then it occured to saM.
"Mandalore!" he exclaimed.
"What?" he replied, as he whiped a tear from his eye.
"All is not lost!' he exclaimed, "We have a cloning machine too!"
From the surface of the moon Ghostlightning scowled and flipped them off as he was still trapped under the corpse of the space crab.
Chapter Thirtynine: Viva la Vida
Captain Cornhole was on the balcony of the ruined capitol building, looked apon his conquest and smiled, it was good. Off in the distance and on the streets below his army of chickens were enslaving the populace and whipping them into submition. In the capitol city's park a giant chicken statue was being erected so that it stood tall and proudly over the ruined sandstone buildings of the town. The sky was red, symbolic for death as the sun reached mid morning.
Then Cornhole looked at Girl-of-Gore, who was covered in crustly slime that belonged to bobobo, and on the table Gore slammed her palm down. Beneath her palm was a lock of Gema's hair.
"How did you do it?" asked Cornhole.
"I found it in the trash bin inside her houe back on Earth." explained Gore.
"You have done well, you will be rewarded. explained Cornhole as he took a seat at the table. "But tell me what happened to your teammembers?"
"They...they're no more." explained Gore, "Their-
But she was cut off as a huge explosion erupted down in the street below. The blast ripped apart a troup of chickens in the middle of a marching drill. Pultry and shrapnel flew everywhere. A a thick cloud of smoke erupted from the epicenter other Chickens aswell as the enslaved civilians gathered around.
"What the hell!" exclaimed Gore.
"See anything?" asked Cornhole.
"No." she replied.
"Hand me those binoculars." instructed Cornhole.
A fellow chicken handed him a pair of binoculars, he looked through them at the smoke.
"Son of a ****..." he muttered.
"Uh they're backwards." corrected Gore.
"Oh yes your right, *flips binoculars*." replied Cornhole, the chicken took another peek through the device.
"Son of a ****." he said again.
"What?" asked Gore.
"Take a look." he scowled, as he handed the binoculars to Girl-of-Gore. Core then took a peak through and saw the unspeakable.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvKjpGP6P5Y
Out of the smoke came a very recognizable figure, she was dressed in a red and black royal suit of armor. It was light yet strong due to the cevlar meshing in the skinny jeans, vest and combo shirt and overcoat. Her outfit along with knee high boots had the royal colors of red and black. Then in her golden blonde and wavy hair was her crown, a crown to the throne.
It was Gemaphrodite and behind her from the smoke emerged Vangaurd of Destruction, who was dressed like a drunk, Eli-da-mage who was dressed in his traditional scottish warrior garb as he rode atop Ryoko. Then emerged the alien saMOOria and elven jedi who was dressed in her Soviet spy outfit. Then appeared the yetti know as Gameiac and finaly Mandalore, who was still nude...
The crowd of civilians cheered as Gemaphrodite shot the first chicken with her ray gun. Everything felt like slow motion to her as the moment to take back her planet was at hand. The chicken fell to the ground, it's rifle tumbled and stopped at the feet of a civilian. Who in turned picked it up and fired at another chicken.
"To victory!" yelled Gem as the civilians around her joined in the revolution. A spray of bullets errupted as a squad of chickens opened fire at the revolutionaries. Everyone took cover. Then Eli riding Ryoko swooped down and attacked the chickens in a rainbow of death! The chickens began to route as they fell back to a baricade further down the street.
Cornhole looked down as various firefights erupted all over the city, it was clear now the people would not surrender without a fight. On his radio he was recieving reports of attacks all across the planet, his chickens were being overwhelmed.
"I thought you said you killed her." he exclaimed.
"I never said that!" protested Gore.
"Finish her off." he ordered, "I don't have time for this."
In the city square two lines where gathering, on one side were the revolutionaries and on the other side were the chickens. The chickens raised their rifles to fire. The revolutionaries where outnumbered, chace of victory was slim.
"I don't want to loose you again." said Mandy to Gem, "Don't go through with this."
"I must." she replied, "I can't let my people suffer."
With that Gem lead the charge, she ran across the no-man's land and stabbed the pole of the Royal Flag into the nearest chicken. The chickens opened fire at the advancing rebels. A chicken came at Gem, it knocked her to the ground and tried to peck at her with it's beak. She squirmed side to side to avoid the chicken's blows. Then the chicken erupted in flames as Vangaurd threw a molotov cocktail at the beast.
"Thanks." said Gem as she picked up her weapon.
"That was a *hick* waste of vodkahol." he complained, "Not ever *hick* again."
The battle raged as the distinguished lines became a unorganized moshpit of death. People had switched from ranged weapons to hand to wing combat. Mandalore was at the base of the giant chicken statue along with Gameiac as they fought back to back against the chicken hordes.
"Look out!" yelled Mandy, as he pointed to a raging chicken who was charging at them.
But Gameiac used his acid vomit with +12% burn damage to kill the chicken.
"This is rather sporting." he replied. The on the ground they noticed saM, who was wounded. He had a huge pecking mark in his chest while he bled out against the side of the chicken statue.
"We need to get you out of here." said Mandy.
"No it's to late for me." gasped saM, "What if D-O-G spelt backwards was C-A-T?"
"Woah, your deap ma-" but Gameiac was cut off as a knife entered his left buttcheak. Behind him was Girl-of-Gore.
"Cornhole sends his regaurds." she scoffed.
Mandalore was about ready to attack until elven stepped in the way.
"Allow me to handle this comrade." she explained.
"You came to rescue me." exclaimed Gameiac.
"No I hate you alot." she replied. "You raped me!"
"Tehe guilty as charged." giggled Gameiac
"Enough!" angered Gore, "Prepare to die."
Then elven jedi and Gore began to wrastle the most wrastlest fight ever fought. That's when Mandy took his leave. He swung saM and Gameiac over his shoulder and carried them to safety. Behind him the giant chicken statue began to crack and give way. He looked up and noticed the rebel where pulling it down.
"Pull!" yelled Gem. And with one final tug on the ropes the Chicken Statue of Captain Cornhole toppled in slow motion, it fell apart to billions of peices and crush everyone below it. From his balcony Cornhole saw it all happen. The chicken began to rout and fall back to the capitol building.
Princess Gemaphrodite stood atop the chicken head that landed on the steps of the bulding and motioned her revolutionaries to storm the place. Mandy, saM, Eli, Ryoko, Vangaurd and Gamieac nodded approvingly. Gem waved the royal banner in the air and shouted, "Viva la vida!"
Cornhole looked at the revolutionaries pushing his forces back inside the Capitol Building, defeat was inevitable. He locked eyes with Gemaphrodite and scowled at her before turning away from his balcony.
"Time to leave." he said to himself as he grabbed Gem's lock of hair.
At the end of the day the capitol building was lit a flame as the chicken were wiped out in a massive slaughter. Gemaphrodite underneath sam"s fly saucer with her friends and admired what she had done.
Chapter Fourty: Death and all his friends
Yet although it was a victory several things bothered her. Where was elven jedi? Furthermore Captain Cornhole had escape. And worst of all Vangaurd of Destruction was drunk and coming on to her, he wanted to rape her even more then Mandalore wanted to. Mandy and VoD glared at each other from across the campfire. Vangaurd sharped his knife while, Mandy loaded his gun. It was not going to end well. Gem was about to step in when...
"Gema!" exclaimed Celrath as he wiped the tears away with his poop stained beard. "I'm gona rape you up the butt!"
"Really?" she asked as she wiped a tear from her eye. She was happy to see her father was alive.
"Hellz yeah, it will be just like old times!" said the crazy father as he put his hand on Gema's leg. "I have been looking foward to this for a loooong time."
"Get away from her you pervert!" angered Mandalore, "She's mine."
"Not *hick euw get out heawrr, er ass belongs to *drinks vodkahol* me!" raged Vangaurd.
Before Gem knew it Clerath was choking Vangaurd with his beard, Mandy was biting Celrath's leg and Vangaurd was attempting to hit Mandy over the head with some vodkahol. As the squable insued, Gem became curious about the where abouts of her mother, Izzy.
"Father where is she?" Gem asked.
They stopped squabling for a moment and Celrath lowered his head and shed a tear.
"Wife has been deadz!" he mumbled.
"CORNHOLE KILLED WIFE?" shocked Gem.
"Yes she is shot in back of head." replied Celrath as he returned to strangling Vangaurd.
Gem shed tears, she walked away from the saucer. She looked over her destroyed kingdom, fire raged in her eyes. Cornhole would pay!
"We're going after Cornhole!" she suddenly announced to everyone!
"GASP!" gasped Mandy
"GASP!" gasped Celrath
"GASP!" gasped Gameiac
"GASP!" gasped saMOOrai
"*hick*!" hicked the drunk Vangaurd
"GASP!" gasped Eli.
"GASP!" gasped Ryoko.
"We don't even know where he escaped to!" protested Gameiac.
Gem thought for a moment. Then-
"I do!" replied a voice from the darkness. Then elven jedi entered the light of the campfire with the corpse of Girl-of-Gore. "Before we made out she told me everything, what Cornhole's secret plans were, he is going to use your DNA to access Celrath's bank account." she explained, "And where he is going all of that. Then I murdered her, it was kinda arrousing."
"And where is he going?" asked Gemaphrodite.
"To JRCHOharry's Jupiter Brain/Planatoid House!' answered elven jedi.
Chapter Fourtyone: That's no moon.
The next morning Gemaphrodite, elven jedi, Mandalore, Vangaurd of Destruction, Gameiac, saM, Eli and Ryoko took off in their saucer to give pursuit to Cornhole. Eventually using the cordnates provided by elven they piloted off to the Galatic Core.
Gem was in the cockpit with saM as they flew after Captain Cornhole.
"Who is this JRCHOharry?" asked Gem to saM.
"He is the most feared and powerful being across the cosmos!" explained saM, "Once in the distant past there was a war between him and all the great civilizations in this galaxy. He lost in the first few weeks of the war. Ever since then he has lived in private inside his Jupiter Brain, inside the Galatic Core."
"Look what's that!" asked Gameiac as he spread his buttcheaks and pressed them up against the viewing window. Everyone gathered to the front of the saucer and looked at the grey spec that was contrasted against the redish nebulas, blackholes, astroids and burning stars. What ever it was it was above a supermassive black hole, which was the Galatic Core.
"What is that?" asked Gameiac.
"Look at the size of that thing!" commented Mandalore.
The object began to grow insize as they approched it.
"It's probably a small moon." suggested saM.
"I have a bad feeling about this." muttered elven.
The object grew insize considerably, large enough that it was the size of any jeoven planet.
"That's no moon." said Eli. "That's a space station."
Mandalore began to scream and pound on the walls of the saucer.
"Turn this thing aroudn, I'm to attractive to die!" he screamed.
"I think your right!" replied smecky. But suddenly they were caught in a tractor beam and there was nothing they could do as JRCHOharry's Juptier Brain pulled them into a hanger.
Chapter Fourtytwo: JRCHOharry
The group left the hanger and wondered deaper into the core of the Jupiter Brain, until they came to a big throne room. The room was dark and shaped like a giant square, it stretched for miles in every direction and there was a series of gigantic pilars extending from the ceiling down to the floor and in the center was the throne. At the throne was JRCHOharry and next to him was Captain Cornhole with a squad of chicken warriors.
"JRCHOharry!" angered saM, "I should have know you and Cornhole were dating!'
"In your dreams you crazy pervert!" laughed JRCHOharry as he applied some lip gloss, "You have failed, our plans are almost complete. Invading your pathetic homeworld was just part of the grand plan."
JRCHOharry was beefy and coated in bronze body pain and wearing a chain-male speedo. He had a silly cape on and had piecings all over his body. Gem couldn't help but stare.
"Youz will pay Cornhole!" yelled Gem as she shook her fist in rage, Vangaurd of Destuction and Mandy had to hold her back.
"In fact I already did!" laughed the ware-chicken, "I accessed Celrath's bank account and withdrew all his life savings and then I bought this kick ass space station from JRCHOharry!"
"But why!" asked Mandy.
"Because!" laughed JRCHOharry, "Cornhole and I came to a agreement!"
"For what!" asked Gem.
"It is simple really." explained JRCHOharry, "Remember when you banned me at the end of the last story Gem?
"No." she replied.
"Really?" he said in suprise, "Any how, for millions of years I have been planning to get my godly powers back! Then it occured to me I was browsing the the internet, with one hand on the mouse and the other on my...well you get the picture. And on Ebay I found a time machine, I decided to buy it and travel back in time to stop you from banning me in the last story! 'Eexcept it was 3,000 billion dollars. I didn't have the money, until now."
"But what does Cornhole get out of this?" she asked.
"He gets the money, cause I bought this Jupiter Brain from him!" laughed Cornhole, "It will be a place for opressed chickens across the galaxy to come live as a refuge. Chickens have been oppressed for far to long. Here are numbers will grow and then we will return the favor and eat those who would eat us!"
"Not if I blow this **** up first!" laughed saM, as he ran back to the hanger along with Eli, Ryoko, and elven.
"Stop them!' order JRCHOharry.
Conrhole and his chickens ran past Gem, Mandy, Gameiac and VangaurdofDestuctions and gave chase. Gem shrugged and turned her attention to JRCHOharry.
"Feel the power!" he yelled.
JRCHOharry pelvis thrusted at Gem and her groupies. Out of his crotch, shot bolts of lightning they where aimed directly at VangaurdofDestruction. The electricity ignited the vodkahol inside his stomach. Vangaurd was instantly killed in a episode of Spontanious Human Cumbustion. Puss, and vodka exploded everywhere.
"You son of a ****!" yelled Gem as she saw her drunk gaurdian protector die infront of her eyes.
"Embrace my package!' laughed JRCHOharry.
Before Gem could do anything JRCHOharry was up in Gem's face and rubbing his golden speedo bulge in mouth.
"You cannot resist!" he laughed.
"GAMEIAC RAGE!" raged Gamiac, he jumped onto of JRCHOharry and began to ripp off all his piercings. He responded by yanking out Gamiac's fur. They scratched and hit at each other in a fit of pansy awesome socks.
Mandy helped Gem up and gave her a hug.
"Glad your alright." he said.
"Can you get some clothes on? asked Gem.
But before Mandy could respond a blue police box materialised on Vangaurd's corpse. And out stepped the gayest person ever. Matt Smith as Doctor Who.
"I thay, is thweer ah JRCHOharry heewr?" lisped The Doctor, "Your time machine has ah-rived!"
Chapter Fourtythree: Tubula Rasa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze8V8fRKx6Q
saM, crawled into his fly saucer and prepped the engines. From the cockpit he saw Eli and Ryoko, they flew out of the hanger and began to attack the outer hull of Captain Cornhole's Jupiter Brain. Then he saw the unspeakable, elven was being raped by a herd of ****s!
"Help me!" she screamed as the beaks pressed down on her leather skin thight armor.
"Sorry can't here you!' he laughed, "Smiteing!" Sam then fired his death ray on his saucer. The beem sweeped over elven's head and incenerated a heard of chickens. Then explosions ripped the hanger apart. saMOORAI left the hanger and joined up with Ryoko and Eli.
Captain Cornhole finally caught up to his chickens who where holding elven hostage.
"Well just don't stand there!" he ordered, "Stop them from destroying my Jupiter Brain!"
As he gave the order swarms of pultry left the damaged hanger and gave chase to Eli, Ryoko and saM.
"Now elven jedi prepare to die!" laughed Cornhole as he raised his beak and brought it down on top of elven jedi. With the Soviet Super Sex Goddess dead, Cornhole returned back to JRCHOharry.
saMOORIA and Eli-da-mage/Ryoko wooshed over the outer hull of the Jupiter Brain far ahead in the distance was a venalation shaft that would lead to the core. If they destroy the core the Jupiter Brain would collaspe and fall into the galatic core.
"I'm picking up bogies on our six!" warned Eli.
"Where are they I don't see em!" replied saM.
"Trust me they're out there!" he replied.
"Wait I see em." replied saM, "They are coming down from above!"
Behind them was a massive swarm of chickens! They flapped their wings as super fast speeds in order to intercept them. One caught up, it's claws latched onto and dug into Ryoko's behind.
"You have one on your six!" yelled saM.
"Don't you think I know that!" replied Eli as he punched the chicken off his Unicorn.
Eli/Ryoko and saM regrouped and entered the ventalation shaft that would take them to the core. The chickens quickly followed and swepted into the shaft right behind them.
"Awer ewe JRCHOharry?" asked Doctor Who.
"Ugh No." replied Mandy.
"Well just let him know-"
But the doctor was cut off as Captain Cornhole shot him with a laser! Dr. Who collasped to the ground and die. As he relazed his hand revealed the keys to the time machine. Gem quickly scooped them up and grabed them.
"My time machine!" anger JRCHOharry! He ran away from the wounded Gameiac and gave the police box a hug. "Where are the keys?"
Captain Cornhole pointed to Mandalore and Gemaphrodite as the quickly rushed inside the time machine and locked it behind them.
"Now what?" asked JRCHOharry.
"I have a idea." laughed Cornhole, "It won't be long before you can get inside."
Inside Mandalore was quickly fumbling at the controls in a feeble attempt to take off and fly away.
"Here get some clothes on!" ordered Gem as she handed Mandalore a skirt.
"But these are women's clothes!" he complained, "Does the Doctor steel the panties of his companions?"
"Duh, he's a space pedophile." answered Gemaphrodite. "Now get back to work."
Mandy slipped the dress on and got back to fumbling at the controls. Gema grabbed a crowbar and gaurded the door. Suddenly on the wooden door rattled as a metal object struck the side. Then there was another thud as the tip of an axe broke through the wooden door.
"Hurry up Mandy!" screamed Gem.
Outside or inside rather, saM and Eli/Ryoko entered a massive chamber and in the center was the core.
"You hold off the chickens, we'll destroy the core!" ordered Eli.
saM turned his saucer around and fired his heat ray down the shaft they had just exited. The heat ray burnt the incoming chickens to a crisp. But more where coming and saM couldn't kill them fast enough. Eli and Ryoko flew though the great expense between saM and the core.
"IMA FIREN MEH RAINBOW SPARKLES!" yelled Ryoko.
As Eli played the bag pipe Ryoko opened her mouth and rainbow lasers shot out her mouth and struck the core. There as a electrical discharge, then a massive explosion as the core went critical and colasped.
Eli/Ryoko flew past the explosion and head to the other side of the chamber and began to fly through the exit shaft in order to escape. Not to far behind was saM, he was nearly engulfed in the firey explosion. But chickens where pecking away at his space craft.
"Hurry up saMOOria!" said Eli.
"I'm not sure I can make it!" replied saM, "They're attcking my ship. Go on without me!"
"Okay!" shrugged Eli as Ryoko sped up and flew through the shaft.
Inside where Gem was....
The Jupiter Brain was shaking and exploding as it began to fall apart. Slowly it was getting sucked into the Galatic Core and become torn apart on the edge of the acreation disk.
"Almost there!" said Mandy as he still was at the controls.
Captain Cornhole was almost through the door, behind him JRCHOharry giggled as soon he would be able to use his time machine. The axe cut through the wood further, the wood splintered and shattered towards Gem who was waiting on the other side with her weapon. Another thud as Cornhole attack the time machine.
"Carefull" complained JRCHOharry, "Don't hurt it too much."
Finally there was a big enough hole in the wooden door, Cornhole dropped his axe and stuck his head through and laughed manically at Gemaphrodite.
"Here's Johnny!' he laughed.
Then smack! With one massive swing of her crowbar Gemaphrodite decapitated Cornhole. His chicken he flew across the room as his body fell lifeless towards JRCHOharry.
"Embrace Perfection!" yelled harry as he shot lighting out of his crotch! The doors exploded open, knocking Mandy and Gem off their feet.
"IMA FIRIN MEH CROTCH CANNON!" he laughed as static began to charge around his crotch. Gem and Mandy cowered in fear as they embraced their last seconds of life. Then suddenly elven jedi used her Soviet dagger and stabbed JRCHOharry in the buttocks.
JRCHOharry exploded into flames and died. elven jedi then collasped, she had been mortally wounded by Captain Cornhole.
"Save me." she whisped.
But Mandy didn't here her. He pressed the escape button and the time machine disapeared from the room. elven looked at where it just was, she then realized she would die. She began to cry, then the mortally wounded Gameiac patted her on the back. The faced each other and smiled.
"I'm sorry for raping you." said Gamieac.
"Screw you!" she replied.
Gameiac ripped off elven's cat suit and pounced on her, they both kissed as the room was engulfed in a massive explosion.
Chapter Fourtyfour: Full Circle
The time machine materialized at a safe distance away from the Jupiter Brain, who the hole where the doors where Gem and Mandy watched as Eli-da-mage/Ryoko and saM narrowly escaped the firey shaft. Right as the escaped the Jupiter Brain exploded and was sucked into the Galatic Core.
With JRCHOharry and Cornhole dead, Gemaphrodite, Mandalore545, Eli-da-mage, Ryoko, saMOORia departed and headed back to Gem's homeworld, to watch her corination as Queen. The on day of the corination Celrath watched Gemaphrodite as she showered. Gemaphrodite dropped her soap as Celrath stepped into the shower with her. There was a grin on her face.
"Now, turn around a bend over!" he laughed.
Peter Molenuex woke up in a cold sweat. He turned on the light and looked at his clock, it was the middle of the night.
"Woody! Woody! Come here!" he screamed.
Then from the other entered room Lionhead Studio's Webmaster, Woody. He had a scone in one hand and a porno mag in the other. As he stepped into the light Peter realized Wood was "woody" and in the nude, with nothing on except a stocking cap.
"What is it?" asked Woody, "Did you have another bad deam, do I need to clean the bed?"
"James Cameron can suck my British nuts cause, I just got a revolutionary idea!" shouted Peter Molenuex from the top of lung.
#239
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:46
joey_mork84
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- Members
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C9316 wrote...
Fine, now if you'll just sign on this document for your items....Tyler Durden30303 wrote...
C9316 wrote...
Congrats you are an official pedo! Here is your complimentary pedobear shirt and 7 year old girl!Tyler Durden30303 wrote...
Pedo thread?!
i will take a pedo hat and a 14 year old girl thank you very much.
Don't do it! It's a trap!
@Loser OP: Congrats on the inevitable IP ban. Good to see at least some people out themselves as a hipsters and pedophiles (like yourself).
@Myself and everyone else posting in here: We must now await a ban or warning of some kind for posting in a spam topic. Let's give ourselves a pat on the back for the good work
#242
Guest_Adriano87_*
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:49
Guest_Adriano87_*
Guest_Adriano87_*
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@joey_mork84
where are the mods when we need them ... they are here while we want to post a nice topic and ... bang ... the gate is closed.
where are the mods when we need them ... they are here while we want to post a nice topic and ... bang ... the gate is closed.
#243
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:51
joey_mork84
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- Members
- 1 264 messages
Who knows? They're probably lurking about, waiting for the right set of users to post in this thread so they can ban them all at once for the same thread. Never know. Woo is always lurking in the shadows.. *Shifty eyes*
#245
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:54
Tyler Durden30303
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TheMufflon wrote...
The mods have Sundays off.
sunday is my new most beloved and most hated day of the week.
#246
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 09:55
joey_mork84
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- 1 264 messages
There's some mods who are just other members that mod in their spare time rather than being paid for it like Bioware employees. You'd figure at least one of them would be on today... They're never around when you need them..
#247
Posté 14 novembre 2010 - 10:10
Pacifien
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Sending a mod a PM with a link to a problem post will do wonders in bringing a mod to lock the post. Don't troll. Don't respond to trolling. Don't insult others. I see this behavior again, you will not be warned, you will be banned.
