Should I like where this is going?
Story Time: I Feel Fabulous
Débuté par
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
, nov. 29 2010 04:48
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#27
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 02:41
Busomjack
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This story automatically sucks for not having me as the main character.
#28
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 02:54
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Tell you what, I will write you into the story.
#29
Guest_Eli-da-Mage_*
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 03:41
Guest_Eli-da-Mage_*
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Indeed.Busomjack wrote...
This story is automatically awesome for not having me as the main character.
Modifié par Eli-da-Mage, 30 novembre 2010 - 03:41 .
#30
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 04:46
Ponce de Leon
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So basically I [censored] someone and now I can still [censored] someone else? Yeah, this role fits me well. I am the [censored]!
#31
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 05:10
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Chapter Six: Tubala Rasa
Epic Music
At the bow of the British vessel, commander Thermos attacked Nihlus Kryik with all of his strength. The metal sparked as their swords clashed in mid air! Nihlus raised his sword high in the air and slashed at the British Commander. The sword cut through Thermos' hand, his extrmity toppled over the side and spooshed in the water.
commander Thermos: ARGH! You'll be scaping the baracles off the keel for that you French bastard!
Then using his remaining hand commander Thermos ran his sword through the gut of Nihlus, and then let out a hardy seaman's laugh.
commander Thermos: Har, har, har!
The along came a strong gust of wind, Nihlus was blown over the side and sank down to the depths of Davy Jone's locker. With Nihlus gone Thermos turned his attention towards the French ship of the line. Both ship where still circling around in the maelstorm, cannon fire ripped apart the wood, splinters flew in every which direction. Musket fire cut down the the crew men that where swing back and forth from ship to ship on the grappling hooks.
Back inside the French vessel Ghostlightning was three throwing knifes stuck through his afro. He scream and whined as he was pinned to the wall.
Captain Cornhole: *reaches for knife* Dans le froid ses mamelons deviennent durs comme des pierres et le bâton comme des camps de concentration rempli de Juifs morts.
That's when Ghostlightning had an idea, he grabbed his frying pan and threw it at the French Captain. It hit Cornhole in the head, he stumbled backwards and fell on a random fire hidrant and died.
Ghostlightning pulled out the last knife and ran to the nearest mirror. His afro had seen better days, Captain Cornhole had created large holes in it that you could see straight through. Ghostlightning massaged his hair until he realised-
Ghostlightning stuck his head out the nearest port hole. He saw Thermos waving at him with his handless arm from the other ship, as he waved blood sparyed out of his arteries. Then kaboom! A enormous explosion ripped the British ship in half. Bodys and wood flew high up into the air from the explosion, soon after the bow and the stern as well as the rest of the debris quickly sank beneath the waves.
Ghostlightning had left the oven on and it had some how caused the ammo storage to explode.
Ghostlightning: But my hair!
Ghostlightning ran to the nearest life boat, but lots of French people where-
French People: *Rediculous French Accent* Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
-at him.
But before anyone could do anything, the French Ship of the Line was sucked into the vortex of the maelstorm. Ghostlightning held his breath as water rushed over the deck of the ship.
Epic Music
At the bow of the British vessel, commander Thermos attacked Nihlus Kryik with all of his strength. The metal sparked as their swords clashed in mid air! Nihlus raised his sword high in the air and slashed at the British Commander. The sword cut through Thermos' hand, his extrmity toppled over the side and spooshed in the water.
commander Thermos: ARGH! You'll be scaping the baracles off the keel for that you French bastard!
Then using his remaining hand commander Thermos ran his sword through the gut of Nihlus, and then let out a hardy seaman's laugh.
commander Thermos: Har, har, har!
The along came a strong gust of wind, Nihlus was blown over the side and sank down to the depths of Davy Jone's locker. With Nihlus gone Thermos turned his attention towards the French ship of the line. Both ship where still circling around in the maelstorm, cannon fire ripped apart the wood, splinters flew in every which direction. Musket fire cut down the the crew men that where swing back and forth from ship to ship on the grappling hooks.
Back inside the French vessel Ghostlightning was three throwing knifes stuck through his afro. He scream and whined as he was pinned to the wall.
Captain Cornhole: *reaches for knife* Dans le froid ses mamelons deviennent durs comme des pierres et le bâton comme des camps de concentration rempli de Juifs morts.
That's when Ghostlightning had an idea, he grabbed his frying pan and threw it at the French Captain. It hit Cornhole in the head, he stumbled backwards and fell on a random fire hidrant and died.
Ghostlightning pulled out the last knife and ran to the nearest mirror. His afro had seen better days, Captain Cornhole had created large holes in it that you could see straight through. Ghostlightning massaged his hair until he realised-
Ghostlightning stuck his head out the nearest port hole. He saw Thermos waving at him with his handless arm from the other ship, as he waved blood sparyed out of his arteries. Then kaboom! A enormous explosion ripped the British ship in half. Bodys and wood flew high up into the air from the explosion, soon after the bow and the stern as well as the rest of the debris quickly sank beneath the waves.
Ghostlightning had left the oven on and it had some how caused the ammo storage to explode.
Ghostlightning: But my hair!
Ghostlightning ran to the nearest life boat, but lots of French people where-
French People: *Rediculous French Accent* Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
-at him.
But before anyone could do anything, the French Ship of the Line was sucked into the vortex of the maelstorm. Ghostlightning held his breath as water rushed over the deck of the ship.
Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 30 novembre 2010 - 05:11 .
#32
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 05:15
Kaiser Arian XVII
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Is this story super-horny or over-criminal?
#33
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 06:13
Korpuls
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I feel slightly disturbed, but oddly intrigued about where this is going. 
Modifié par Korpuls, 30 novembre 2010 - 06:14 .
#34
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 06:45
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Chapter Seven: Follow the Yellow Brick Road
In only1sgop's opinion this rode was neither yellow, brick nor a road. His rations were getting low, he was exhausted, furthermore he was lost. A few hours ago only1sgop had gotten directions from a crazy old wizard. The wizard gave him a series of directions to help him reach The Sparkle, Sparkle Caves.
only1sgop: *muttering* Turn left at the tree, that helps!
only1sgop looked around as he was surrounded on all sides by trees. Why you might ask? Because he was in a forrest! Suddenly he heard some rustling in the bushes, he drew his wooden sword as he feared the worst.
only1sgop: Stay back, I'm warning you! I make a delicious pasta salad, stay away from me!
???: Oh please don't hurt me, I only want a friend to play with.
only1sgop: Come out, slowly where I can see you.
Then slowly out of the bush crept a lion! Except this was no ordinary lion, it walked up right like a humen because it was Crippledcarny!
Crippledcarny: Please play with me.
only1sgop: Well I can't really I'm kinda lost at the moment.
Crippledcarny: Please play with me Mr. Elf person.
CommanderSheperd117: And me too!
Then out of a hallowed out tree stepped a scarescrow, it was CommanderSheperd117.
Then approched a third misterious figure, it looked like a humanoid coffee pot, except it was made of tin, and it spoke too.
L33TDAWG: YO DAWG CHECK THIS OUT DAWG, YO READY DAWG TO PLAY DAWG?
The three of them gathered around only1sgop and begged for a playdate.
only1sgop: No I can't play with you. I am on a selfish quest to seek riches and marry a Dwarven Prince, now step aside fellow inhabitants of the woods.
Imediatly Crippledcarny, L33DAWG, and CommanderShepard117 scowled at the teen elf, but then their frown turned into a happy cause they had a plan.
Crippledcarny: Bend over and [censored]
L33DAWG: LIKE YO DAWG, WHERE GONA PLAY WITH YA DAWG, FOR SHOW FOO!
CommanderShepard117: Your about to get gangbanged!
CommanderShepard117 lifted his shirt up and rubbed his straw belly, his belly began to swirl around and hypnotised only1sgop into a trance!
only1sgop: Must overt eyes, groove rays too powerfull!
CommanderShepard117: Stare into the belly, embrace the abysmal scuttlebutt of effluvium. You cannot resist my powers!
Then only1sgop's eyes turned Harbinger yellow as he was hypnotised, L33DAWG pinned only1sgop to the ground as CommanderShepard117 went through the elf's satchel and looted his stuff. He threw everything into the bushes untill he pulled out a pair of ruby red slippers. They made lots of sparkles and illuminated the whole forest.
Crippledcarney: We just hit the jackpot! If we find the right person to sell these to, we will be living like kings for the rest of our lives!
The three admired the slippers for a while.
L33DAWG: LIKE YO DAWG, ARE WE GONA MONG THIS FOO, OR WUT?
Crippledcarney: Ah yes I nearly forgot.
Carney layed the unconscious only1sgop out on the dirty path and [censored]
L33DAWG: YO DAWG I HAVE MY OIL CAN RIGHT HERE LETS GET DOWN TO BIZZNIZZ, THEN DITCH THIS SUCKA!
In only1sgop's opinion this rode was neither yellow, brick nor a road. His rations were getting low, he was exhausted, furthermore he was lost. A few hours ago only1sgop had gotten directions from a crazy old wizard. The wizard gave him a series of directions to help him reach The Sparkle, Sparkle Caves.
only1sgop: *muttering* Turn left at the tree, that helps!
only1sgop looked around as he was surrounded on all sides by trees. Why you might ask? Because he was in a forrest! Suddenly he heard some rustling in the bushes, he drew his wooden sword as he feared the worst.
only1sgop: Stay back, I'm warning you! I make a delicious pasta salad, stay away from me!
???: Oh please don't hurt me, I only want a friend to play with.
only1sgop: Come out, slowly where I can see you.
Then slowly out of the bush crept a lion! Except this was no ordinary lion, it walked up right like a humen because it was Crippledcarny!
Crippledcarny: Please play with me.
only1sgop: Well I can't really I'm kinda lost at the moment.
Crippledcarny: Please play with me Mr. Elf person.
CommanderSheperd117: And me too!
Then out of a hallowed out tree stepped a scarescrow, it was CommanderSheperd117.
Then approched a third misterious figure, it looked like a humanoid coffee pot, except it was made of tin, and it spoke too.
L33TDAWG: YO DAWG CHECK THIS OUT DAWG, YO READY DAWG TO PLAY DAWG?
The three of them gathered around only1sgop and begged for a playdate.
only1sgop: No I can't play with you. I am on a selfish quest to seek riches and marry a Dwarven Prince, now step aside fellow inhabitants of the woods.
Imediatly Crippledcarny, L33DAWG, and CommanderShepard117 scowled at the teen elf, but then their frown turned into a happy cause they had a plan.
Crippledcarny: Bend over and [censored]
L33DAWG: LIKE YO DAWG, WHERE GONA PLAY WITH YA DAWG, FOR SHOW FOO!
CommanderShepard117: Your about to get gangbanged!
CommanderShepard117 lifted his shirt up and rubbed his straw belly, his belly began to swirl around and hypnotised only1sgop into a trance!
only1sgop: Must overt eyes, groove rays too powerfull!
CommanderShepard117: Stare into the belly, embrace the abysmal scuttlebutt of effluvium. You cannot resist my powers!
Then only1sgop's eyes turned Harbinger yellow as he was hypnotised, L33DAWG pinned only1sgop to the ground as CommanderShepard117 went through the elf's satchel and looted his stuff. He threw everything into the bushes untill he pulled out a pair of ruby red slippers. They made lots of sparkles and illuminated the whole forest.
Crippledcarney: We just hit the jackpot! If we find the right person to sell these to, we will be living like kings for the rest of our lives!
The three admired the slippers for a while.
L33DAWG: LIKE YO DAWG, ARE WE GONA MONG THIS FOO, OR WUT?
Crippledcarney: Ah yes I nearly forgot.
Carney layed the unconscious only1sgop out on the dirty path and [censored]
L33DAWG: YO DAWG I HAVE MY OIL CAN RIGHT HERE LETS GET DOWN TO BIZZNIZZ, THEN DITCH THIS SUCKA!
Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 30 novembre 2010 - 06:45 .
#35
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 06:47
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Last one for today.
Chapter Eight: Requiem for the crippled
only1sgop woke up, instantly the memories of the rape rushed back to him. He let out a crazy scream before crapping his green elven tights.
only1sgop: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
C9316: Quiet yourself young padawan you can change your pants in a moment.
only1sgop recognized the voice, he sat up and looked in the direction it was coming from.
only1sgop: Screw you! Your that crazy Wizard that gave me bad directions!
Sitting by the fire was C9, he was dressed in long white robes, he was bald and had a long white beard that went down to his knees.
C9316: *stokes beard* Your patience will be your undoing. You must learn to be wise young pubil.
only1sgop: I want nothing to do with you, get away from me.
C9316: No! *pulls cat out of beard* You will learn wisdom!
Grabbing the cat by it's tail C9 raised it high over his bald head and brought the cat down ontop of only1sgop. The kitteh let out a scream as it came in contact with 1gop's head.
only1sgop: Eh what the hell man!
only1sgop tried to shield himself as C9 beat him over the head with the cat.
C9361: Feel the wisdom flow through you!
Cat: Meow!
And finally C9 threw the cat like a shotput, the force knock 1sgop to the ground.
C9: You will use this cat as your steed, and wisdom shall be yours! *claps hands together* Ali-qui-uhh-umm-kah!
Then in a firey explosion C9361 disapeared, the ground was scorched all around where he stood.
only1sgop shook his head and looked at the cat.
only1sgop: Looks like it's just you and me. Mush!
And together they continued down the road that was neither yellow, brick, nor a road.
Chapter Eight: Requiem for the crippled
only1sgop woke up, instantly the memories of the rape rushed back to him. He let out a crazy scream before crapping his green elven tights.
only1sgop: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
C9316: Quiet yourself young padawan you can change your pants in a moment.
only1sgop recognized the voice, he sat up and looked in the direction it was coming from.
only1sgop: Screw you! Your that crazy Wizard that gave me bad directions!
Sitting by the fire was C9, he was dressed in long white robes, he was bald and had a long white beard that went down to his knees.
C9316: *stokes beard* Your patience will be your undoing. You must learn to be wise young pubil.
only1sgop: I want nothing to do with you, get away from me.
C9316: No! *pulls cat out of beard* You will learn wisdom!
Grabbing the cat by it's tail C9 raised it high over his bald head and brought the cat down ontop of only1sgop. The kitteh let out a scream as it came in contact with 1gop's head.
only1sgop: Eh what the hell man!
only1sgop tried to shield himself as C9 beat him over the head with the cat.
C9361: Feel the wisdom flow through you!
Cat: Meow!
And finally C9 threw the cat like a shotput, the force knock 1sgop to the ground.
C9: You will use this cat as your steed, and wisdom shall be yours! *claps hands together* Ali-qui-uhh-umm-kah!
Then in a firey explosion C9361 disapeared, the ground was scorched all around where he stood.
only1sgop shook his head and looked at the cat.
only1sgop: Looks like it's just you and me. Mush!
And together they continued down the road that was neither yellow, brick, nor a road.
Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 30 novembre 2010 - 06:47 .
#36
Guest_Armenian Oracle_*
Posté 30 novembre 2010 - 11:45
Guest_Armenian Oracle_*
Guest_Armenian Oracle_*
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So when do I come in? I find the sexual references funny, yet disturbing.
#39
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 01 décembre 2010 - 05:30
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Only one for today.
Chapter Nine: On stranger tides
One a sandy beach commander Thermos, HiddenKING, Vangaurd of Destruction, Gameiac and Ryoko where deciding what to make of their current situation. Avast! They where shipwrecked on the island continent of Dodecolypse.
HiddenKING: Has anyone seen GhostLightning?
But everyone ignored KING's important question because commander Thermos was going to make an announcement.
commander Thermos: Ahoy maties, avast we are shipwrecked and as your Captain I will be making the tough decisions. And as Captain I will need to be given a bath once everyday, furthermore if there is any back sassing you'll be walking the plank!
Ryoko: Look Captain Commander! Your hand has washed ashore.
commander Thermos: I don't need that hand no more. I have a better replacement! *reveals new hand*
Gameiac: That's a shovel.
commander Thermos: No it's not.
Vangaurd: Looks like a shovel to me.
commander Thermos: Shut up! How would you know? Your cross eyed!
Vangaurd: :'(
HiddenKING: What about Ghostlightning?
But again no one cared.
Ryoko: Now what?
commander Thermos: We must adventure inland and find shelter!
Gameiac: But which direction?
commader Thermos: Allow me!
Then with his shovel he hit Ryoko in the face. She toppled over and went smack into the sand, that was followed by Thermos jumping on Ryoko's back.
Vangaurd: What is he doing?
Thermos twirled aroung like a ballet dancer then girggled salt water and spit it out all over HiddenKING. He jumped off Ryoko and planted his feet in the ground and point off in a random direction.
Thermos: *foaming at mouth* Quickly lads Norway is indanger! We must paddle boat there before I go insane!
Ryoko: Ugh, he is possessed by the ghost of Leif Erikson!
Thermos: Hergen-durgen-smurgen!
Gameiac: Quicly get the Holly Water.
Vangaurd: We don't have any!
Gameiac: Then, stand back! *drops pants*
A viscious yellow fluid sprayed out of him and splattered all over their Captain Commander.
Gameiac: Begone Leif Erikson!
After he said that Leif Erikson left commander Thermos' body and he went back to normal.
commander Thermos: As I was saying! *points in random direction* Norway!
Inside_Joke: Welcome sailors, I am a Dwarf. My name is Inside_Joke, and let me be the first to welcome you to the continent of Doceco-
commander Themos: Die savage creature!
The Captain Commander aimed his flintlock at Inside_Joke and fired. The lead bullet peirced his fragile dwarf armor and peirced his heart.
Inside_Joke: -lypse.....*dies*
Ryoko: *rubs back of head* Your crazy! That weird creature was only trying to greet us.
HiddenKING: Look it's Ghostlightning.
Finally everyone listened and turned around.
The cook was paddleing to shore atop the dead body of Nihlus Kyrik.
Ghost: *waves* Yo, I survived thanks to this guy's rotting corpse!
commander Thermos: Looks like we will have dinner after all....
Gameiac: Wha?
commander Thermos: NORWAY!!!
Chapter Nine: On stranger tides
One a sandy beach commander Thermos, HiddenKING, Vangaurd of Destruction, Gameiac and Ryoko where deciding what to make of their current situation. Avast! They where shipwrecked on the island continent of Dodecolypse.
HiddenKING: Has anyone seen GhostLightning?
But everyone ignored KING's important question because commander Thermos was going to make an announcement.
commander Thermos: Ahoy maties, avast we are shipwrecked and as your Captain I will be making the tough decisions. And as Captain I will need to be given a bath once everyday, furthermore if there is any back sassing you'll be walking the plank!
Ryoko: Look Captain Commander! Your hand has washed ashore.
commander Thermos: I don't need that hand no more. I have a better replacement! *reveals new hand*
Gameiac: That's a shovel.
commander Thermos: No it's not.
Vangaurd: Looks like a shovel to me.
commander Thermos: Shut up! How would you know? Your cross eyed!
Vangaurd: :'(
HiddenKING: What about Ghostlightning?
But again no one cared.
Ryoko: Now what?
commander Thermos: We must adventure inland and find shelter!
Gameiac: But which direction?
commader Thermos: Allow me!
Then with his shovel he hit Ryoko in the face. She toppled over and went smack into the sand, that was followed by Thermos jumping on Ryoko's back.
Vangaurd: What is he doing?
Thermos twirled aroung like a ballet dancer then girggled salt water and spit it out all over HiddenKING. He jumped off Ryoko and planted his feet in the ground and point off in a random direction.
Thermos: *foaming at mouth* Quickly lads Norway is indanger! We must paddle boat there before I go insane!
Ryoko: Ugh, he is possessed by the ghost of Leif Erikson!
Thermos: Hergen-durgen-smurgen!
Gameiac: Quicly get the Holly Water.
Vangaurd: We don't have any!
Gameiac: Then, stand back! *drops pants*
A viscious yellow fluid sprayed out of him and splattered all over their Captain Commander.
Gameiac: Begone Leif Erikson!
After he said that Leif Erikson left commander Thermos' body and he went back to normal.
commander Thermos: As I was saying! *points in random direction* Norway!
Inside_Joke: Welcome sailors, I am a Dwarf. My name is Inside_Joke, and let me be the first to welcome you to the continent of Doceco-
commander Themos: Die savage creature!
The Captain Commander aimed his flintlock at Inside_Joke and fired. The lead bullet peirced his fragile dwarf armor and peirced his heart.
Inside_Joke: -lypse.....*dies*
Ryoko: *rubs back of head* Your crazy! That weird creature was only trying to greet us.
HiddenKING: Look it's Ghostlightning.
Finally everyone listened and turned around.
The cook was paddleing to shore atop the dead body of Nihlus Kyrik.
Ghost: *waves* Yo, I survived thanks to this guy's rotting corpse!
commander Thermos: Looks like we will have dinner after all....
Gameiac: Wha?
commander Thermos: NORWAY!!!
Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 01 décembre 2010 - 05:30 .
#40
Posté 01 décembre 2010 - 05:41
Kaiser Arian XVII
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How many are dead till nu?
#41
Guest_commander Thermos_*
Posté 01 décembre 2010 - 05:49
Guest_commander Thermos_*
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Why do I always have to kill Ryoko or Guard 
Oh well it's a random crap story anyway
Oh well it's a random crap story anyway
#42
Posté 01 décembre 2010 - 09:04
mousestalker
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One question: When do I get out of the mud?
#43
Posté 01 décembre 2010 - 09:19
JRCHOharry
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I hope I'm still a crazy Pharaoh
#44
Posté 01 décembre 2010 - 09:25
marbatico
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i just hope i have bigger role than the last one: i only got mentioned in one line, and i was beeing force-choked to boot! (thats one of the most awesome ways to go, but still.)
#45
Posté 01 décembre 2010 - 09:51
Ponce de Leon
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Yeah, sorry about that, wasn't my idea, really...mousestalker wrote...
One question: When do I get out of the mud?
#46
Posté 02 décembre 2010 - 06:42
Darthnemesis2
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I can hardly contain my excitement, my part is coming up soon!!
#47
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 02 décembre 2010 - 04:48
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Chapter Ten: Biblioteca
The chase, as a bounty hunter Guardsman loved it. He chased after his target, he swiftly jumped from limb to limb as his target tried to escape. Gaurdsman was dressed in black robes and wore a pink scarf around his face like a dork. The adrenaline pumped through his veins, it made him gassy. He spread his legs as he leaped foward to the next tree limb, then shot out some nauseous gasses from his behind. But a little more then gasses exploded forth. Like a shotgun the meshing in his pants acted like a filter and sprayed the junk that came from his trunk in every direction. The objects behind him were plastered with a brown substance. That extra explosion gave him the enertia needed to catch up to his target. Gaurdsman pounced and tackled the hooded figure to the ground.
Guardsman: Now to see who you really are.
The bountyhunter ripped off the hood of his target. It was Darthnemesis2.
Darthnemesis2: Why do you smell so bad?
Guardsman: Why did you steal the Dwarven King's crown?
Darthnemesis2: You fail to see the grand scheme of things, it is a key part of our grandmaster plan.
Gaurdsman: Grandmaster plan? What does the crown have anything to do with that?
Darthnemesis2: We do not need the crown! We need the jewels on the crown, I will not say anymore, furthermore you smell really bad.
Gaurdsman: A pitty, prepare to meet your maker.
Darthnemesis2: I wouldn't count on that.
Gaurdsman looked up to see several dozen robed gaurds storming at him. They where human and wore red cloaks and guilded armor, their weapon of choice were pikes.
Darthnemesis2: Kill him, like totaly 100 times kill him.
Darthnemesis crawled away from the bounty hunter and jumped on his motorcycle a drove away into the distance. The gaurds surrounded Gaurdsman, the bounty hunter prepared himself for the worst.
Suddenly a gaurd charged at him from behind, he screamed and waved his pike in the air. Quickly Gaurdsman sidestepped his attack then stuck his leg out. The gaurd tripped and impaled himself on his pike.
Gaurdsman: *snickering* He he, that was too easy.
Then all the gaurds charged at him, Gaurdsman began to sweat as they quickly closed in on him. Then at the last second he jumped into the air, leaving most the gaurds to impale themselves. He landed behind them and stabbed one in the back using his wrist knife. Another one swung at him, cutting his arm. He tossed some throwing knives in retaliation, quickly elliminating that threat.
Gaurdsman was about to attack a remaining gaurd but then something caught his attention. In the corner of his eye he thought he saw a child. He turned back around, infront of him was Joshd21.
Joshd21:*slobbering sounds* Wthanta thwsuk my wsollythpop?
Gaurdsman: What the hell?
Joshd21: *slobbering sounds* Ten buks a pop mister!
Before Gaurdsman could say anything else he felt sharp pain in his gut, he looked down to see a pike sticking out of his stomach. Gaurdsman collasped to his knees, he felt cold. His vision began to get blurry and time seemed to slow down. The gaurd pulled the pike out of Gaurdsman's gut. The bounty hunter fell on his side, as his vision faded to black he saw Joshd21 skipping down the trail holding his lollypop.
The chase, as a bounty hunter Guardsman loved it. He chased after his target, he swiftly jumped from limb to limb as his target tried to escape. Gaurdsman was dressed in black robes and wore a pink scarf around his face like a dork. The adrenaline pumped through his veins, it made him gassy. He spread his legs as he leaped foward to the next tree limb, then shot out some nauseous gasses from his behind. But a little more then gasses exploded forth. Like a shotgun the meshing in his pants acted like a filter and sprayed the junk that came from his trunk in every direction. The objects behind him were plastered with a brown substance. That extra explosion gave him the enertia needed to catch up to his target. Gaurdsman pounced and tackled the hooded figure to the ground.
Guardsman: Now to see who you really are.
The bountyhunter ripped off the hood of his target. It was Darthnemesis2.
Darthnemesis2: Why do you smell so bad?
Guardsman: Why did you steal the Dwarven King's crown?
Darthnemesis2: You fail to see the grand scheme of things, it is a key part of our grandmaster plan.
Gaurdsman: Grandmaster plan? What does the crown have anything to do with that?
Darthnemesis2: We do not need the crown! We need the jewels on the crown, I will not say anymore, furthermore you smell really bad.
Gaurdsman: A pitty, prepare to meet your maker.
Darthnemesis2: I wouldn't count on that.
Gaurdsman looked up to see several dozen robed gaurds storming at him. They where human and wore red cloaks and guilded armor, their weapon of choice were pikes.
Darthnemesis2: Kill him, like totaly 100 times kill him.
Darthnemesis crawled away from the bounty hunter and jumped on his motorcycle a drove away into the distance. The gaurds surrounded Gaurdsman, the bounty hunter prepared himself for the worst.
Suddenly a gaurd charged at him from behind, he screamed and waved his pike in the air. Quickly Gaurdsman sidestepped his attack then stuck his leg out. The gaurd tripped and impaled himself on his pike.
Gaurdsman: *snickering* He he, that was too easy.
Then all the gaurds charged at him, Gaurdsman began to sweat as they quickly closed in on him. Then at the last second he jumped into the air, leaving most the gaurds to impale themselves. He landed behind them and stabbed one in the back using his wrist knife. Another one swung at him, cutting his arm. He tossed some throwing knives in retaliation, quickly elliminating that threat.
Gaurdsman was about to attack a remaining gaurd but then something caught his attention. In the corner of his eye he thought he saw a child. He turned back around, infront of him was Joshd21.
Joshd21:*slobbering sounds* Wthanta thwsuk my wsollythpop?
Gaurdsman: What the hell?
Joshd21: *slobbering sounds* Ten buks a pop mister!
Before Gaurdsman could say anything else he felt sharp pain in his gut, he looked down to see a pike sticking out of his stomach. Gaurdsman collasped to his knees, he felt cold. His vision began to get blurry and time seemed to slow down. The gaurd pulled the pike out of Gaurdsman's gut. The bounty hunter fell on his side, as his vision faded to black he saw Joshd21 skipping down the trail holding his lollypop.
Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 02 décembre 2010 - 04:48 .
#48
Posté 03 décembre 2010 - 07:00
Darthnemesis2
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Go me, stealing stuff and... stuff!
#49
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
Posté 03 décembre 2010 - 05:40
Guest_Captain Cornhole_*
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Chapter Eleven: Left 4 Rape
Cartims woke up to find her room pitch black, she looked out the window to find that the moon was covered with thick green clouds.
Cartims: What the-?
She went outside and looked around. The town was all of a sudden dark and scary! Dead bodies were littered across the ground and everything smelled like Commander Shepard's butt.
Cartims: What is going on?!
Suddenly her father, Lord_Valandil stumbled out of the doorway, clutching himself.
Cartims: Father? What's wrong?!
Lord_Valandil: *koff* they...they have come.
Cartims: Who?
Lord_Valandil: *koff koff* curse you! You have brought *koff* a plague unto this town! *koff* If you would only of got jiggy with Randumb *koff* Vanguard, people wouldn't be dying! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU!
Cartims: Who's here?! Who's killing people?
Lord_Valandil: The......SPECIAL VIOLATORS!!!!! BLAGH!
He suddenly keeled over and died.
Cartims: Special Violators?
She suddenly realized her father wasn't wearing any pants.
Cartims: Crap, I gotta get out of here!
She turned around and began to run. while the body of her dead father began to groan and twitch.
From a nearby rooftop, RandumbVangaurd, the notorious cerial rapist, chuckled and turned to the creatures behind him.
Vanguard: Find her. and remember, its not rape if you yell suprise!
Meanwhile, cartims was still running for her life when all of a sudden she bumped into someone. She fell to the ground, and looked up at the man. He old and crusty, his norse clothes were grimey, wearing a green beret and sporting a white beard. A pipe hung loose in his mouth.
Cartims: Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to run into you, sir!
Marbatico: *spits chew and helps her up.* Be quiet. The rapists are out. Randumb Vangaurd decided to bring his crew in.
Cartims: I know! We need to get out of here!
A black shape hurtled down from a building and onto Marbatico.
Marbatico: Lookout! It's a Humper!
Cartims: And what are those things over there?
She pointed to some other figures next the the Humper.
Marbatico: Just as I feared. Any army of cereal rapists!
Next the the Humper was a Dis-Charger, next to the Dis-Charger was a Spank-Tank, next to the Spank-Tank was a Jock-Itch, next to the Jock-Itch was a Poker.
RandumbVangaurd: Leave no corpse unviolated!
Marbatico: Come with me.
He grabbed Cartims and took her into a abandoned sawmill. He shut the latch behind them. The special infected humped the door, but the wood proved to strong for them.
Randumb Vangaurd: *rape face*
Cartims who was shivering in her night clothing scowled at Marbatico.
Cartims: Great now we are trapped. And there's saw dust all over my feet!
Marbatico: Not trapped, infact far from int. *spits chew* We have three options.
Cartims: *puts hands on hips* And?
Marbatico: Since I am the only one currently with a weapon we have three options. We can risk escape when the sun comes up. We can wait for rescue. Or when can signal for help by lighting this sawmill on fire.
Cartims: Those are all horrible ideas! We need to rescue my father!
Then suddenly in a corner of the sawmill exploded C9316.
C9: The virtue of patiance, will make you strong! *throws cat from beard*
Then using his magic beard he conjured up a fire-cat and made it explode! Firey hairballs were sent all over the room.
C9: Now in holly matramony I pronouce you cat and wife! Ali-qui-uhh-umm-kah!
As soon as he appeared he disapeared in a firey plume of smoke. Cartims and Marbatico looked as the firey hairballs caught the wooded flooring on fire. Smoke slowly began to fill the room.
Cartims woke up to find her room pitch black, she looked out the window to find that the moon was covered with thick green clouds.
Cartims: What the-?
She went outside and looked around. The town was all of a sudden dark and scary! Dead bodies were littered across the ground and everything smelled like Commander Shepard's butt.
Cartims: What is going on?!
Suddenly her father, Lord_Valandil stumbled out of the doorway, clutching himself.
Cartims: Father? What's wrong?!
Lord_Valandil: *koff* they...they have come.
Cartims: Who?
Lord_Valandil: *koff koff* curse you! You have brought *koff* a plague unto this town! *koff* If you would only of got jiggy with Randumb *koff* Vanguard, people wouldn't be dying! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU!
Cartims: Who's here?! Who's killing people?
Lord_Valandil: The......SPECIAL VIOLATORS!!!!! BLAGH!
He suddenly keeled over and died.
Cartims: Special Violators?
She suddenly realized her father wasn't wearing any pants.
Cartims: Crap, I gotta get out of here!
She turned around and began to run. while the body of her dead father began to groan and twitch.
From a nearby rooftop, RandumbVangaurd, the notorious cerial rapist, chuckled and turned to the creatures behind him.
Vanguard: Find her. and remember, its not rape if you yell suprise!
Meanwhile, cartims was still running for her life when all of a sudden she bumped into someone. She fell to the ground, and looked up at the man. He old and crusty, his norse clothes were grimey, wearing a green beret and sporting a white beard. A pipe hung loose in his mouth.
Cartims: Oops, sorry. I didn't mean to run into you, sir!
Marbatico: *spits chew and helps her up.* Be quiet. The rapists are out. Randumb Vangaurd decided to bring his crew in.
Cartims: I know! We need to get out of here!
A black shape hurtled down from a building and onto Marbatico.
Marbatico: Lookout! It's a Humper!
Cartims: And what are those things over there?
She pointed to some other figures next the the Humper.
Marbatico: Just as I feared. Any army of cereal rapists!
Next the the Humper was a Dis-Charger, next to the Dis-Charger was a Spank-Tank, next to the Spank-Tank was a Jock-Itch, next to the Jock-Itch was a Poker.
RandumbVangaurd: Leave no corpse unviolated!
Marbatico: Come with me.
He grabbed Cartims and took her into a abandoned sawmill. He shut the latch behind them. The special infected humped the door, but the wood proved to strong for them.
Randumb Vangaurd: *rape face*
Cartims who was shivering in her night clothing scowled at Marbatico.
Cartims: Great now we are trapped. And there's saw dust all over my feet!
Marbatico: Not trapped, infact far from int. *spits chew* We have three options.
Cartims: *puts hands on hips* And?
Marbatico: Since I am the only one currently with a weapon we have three options. We can risk escape when the sun comes up. We can wait for rescue. Or when can signal for help by lighting this sawmill on fire.
Cartims: Those are all horrible ideas! We need to rescue my father!
Then suddenly in a corner of the sawmill exploded C9316.
C9: The virtue of patiance, will make you strong! *throws cat from beard*
Then using his magic beard he conjured up a fire-cat and made it explode! Firey hairballs were sent all over the room.
C9: Now in holly matramony I pronouce you cat and wife! Ali-qui-uhh-umm-kah!
As soon as he appeared he disapeared in a firey plume of smoke. Cartims and Marbatico looked as the firey hairballs caught the wooded flooring on fire. Smoke slowly began to fill the room.
Modifié par Captain Cornhole, 03 décembre 2010 - 05:40 .
#50
Posté 03 décembre 2010 - 05:49
marbatico
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now thats more like it! i get to play the zombie rapist killing mofo turned crazy by nam!fear my boomstick!
fear my boomstick!
Modifié par marbatico, 03 décembre 2010 - 05:50 .
