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[Yankee23]

Patriciachr34 wrote...

I am good. I've recently been playing the Assassins Creed II to keep me busy until the DLC release next week. I have an Act 1 play through that I'm trying to avoid playing so I can launch the DLC from the beginning. I have to admit I was Jones-en for a DA2 fix and played a little last night.

On a Fenris note, has anyone downloaded the black jacket mod for Fenris? On a whim, I did this last night and can't decide if I like it or not. What do you guys think?

*peeks in* Hi!

I had my eye on the black jacket since I first saw it. I recently started using it since the favor was added. I like it. For some reason I imagine Fenris as a sharp dresser.

[Arquen]

I'm a Fenris purist, and I don't much like the jacket because it reminds me way to much of Dante from Devil May Cry (also a favorite of mine).

I love his armor and so don't like to change it, but I've seen the jacket and I like how it looks on him. I imagine if Hawke ever bought him some new clothes or something that would be one of his "going out" outfits, LOL. Still, I don't see it as more than a "I wear this when I'm alone at my mansion" kind of thing. I can't see him using it as everyday armor.

[GameBoyish]

Hey there! My sis DragonReine got her painting of Fenris displayed at SDCC 2011!!!

The painting is Wolf's Rain - Revisited


Here's the painting on display at SDCC 2011! (not photographed by me, I'm halway across the world)

[ReiSilver]

Patriciachr34 wrote...
On a Fenris note, has anyone downloaded the black jacket mod for Fenris? On a whim, I did this last night and can't decide if I like it or not. What do you guys think?

I thought about it but then I wouldn't be able to perv on Fenris' legs in those tight leggings his default outfit has
*is horribly shallow*

and here's some Fenris art from ivory-dusk deviant art



deviant art link

Modifié par ReiSilver, 22 juillet 2011 - 04:03 .

[CulturalGeekGirl]

The arm cutouts. Are the best thing. Ever invented.

Seriously, whenever anyone suggests a new Fenris outfit I think "does it have the sexy inner-arm cutouts? Why would you ever put him in anything that doesn't have the arm cutouts!?!1one"

[Arquen]

WOW, Wolf's Rain is one of my favorites. I'm glad it got displayed. Well deserved!

I'm liking that pic too Rei. It seems lately that I haven't seen any Fenris being badass fanart, LOL. I love his lyrium ghost, killing stuff, being awesome art.

Modifié par Arquen, 22 juillet 2011 - 04:16 .

[tankgirly]

TriviaAeducan wrote...

Hey there! My sis DragonReine got her painting of Fenris displayed at SDCC 2011!!!

The painting is Wolf's Rain - Revisited


Here's the painting on display at SDCC 2011! (not photographed by me, I'm halway across the world)

Congrats.

[beckaliz]

Meeszy Alexy wrote...

beckaliz wrote...
 Wow, this is a pretty sexy story. XD

It makes me smile everytime, what with Fenris checking out the human lady's assets and then proceeding to steal her bread. 

It was when I knew that I'd like him.

I bet it was pretty yummy bread, too! She seemed pretty devoted to it, baking in her nightclothes.

But in general these are moments when I totally find Fenris sexy for things aside from his occasional "oh hey sexy lady" attitude. Like shoving his fist into the guy's head and splorshing his brains out and then swinging his whole body around by the head. I definitely have some twisted sensibilities hiding amongst my more moderate personality traits. :B He just mercilessly obliterates anyone who comes after him. And messily. Hawt. 

[Arquen]

Agreed. It is one of the most absolute favorite things about him. That total devotion and commitment to killing. He really has no qualms doing it, and just commits to it. Kill or be Killed. A true warrior's convictions.

It reminds me of a conversation him and Aveline have:

Aveline: There's a war coming. Does it feel different, fighting by choice?
Fenris: You were never ordered to kill?
Aveline: I was a soldier, but I was willing.
Fenris: I was willing, as well, but not by choice. (Laughs) If that makes any sense.
Aveline: Does anything in this mess?

I think he has always had that warrior's spirit. I love how he laughs in this part. Fenris and his cryptic mind puzzles.

[beckaliz]

This makes me think. There's some kind of interpretive comparison trying to work its way through my brain right now... but it's 1:30 morningtimes and I'm hungry and tired and am not sure what I'm thinking. Something about Fenris vs Anders having different kinds of intensity. Fenris is intense in his defiance. Anders is intense in his desperation. (Man I'm sure I could put WAY this better twelve hours from now, but I'll forget by then.)

Yes? No? Other thoughts/additions?

[Arquen]

They are both intense, and in different ways. Fenris' intense comes from his personality, past history, way of speaking, actions, and relationships with others. Anders' intensity stems from his Janders dilemma, his cause, and his passions. They both can be VERY intense, but it is a different intense for each of them because it comes from a different source.

I think what you are scraping for is not Fenris' defiance (because he actually isn't defiant - per say, just motivated), but his character trait of being able to be blunt, determined, and vengeful. While Anders' intensity comes when he is passionate, conflicted, or argumentative. So, yes I understand where you are coming from.

The real question is... which intensity is better? muahahaha....

[tankgirly]

Prompt time

This week's theme:




Let's go kinky. Come, do as bad as this thread allow you to. No, it does not have to be R 18.






The usual stuff, one week time frame and a bold Prompt: (theme) on the top of your post.

Right, have fun.

Modifié par tankgirly, 22 juillet 2011 - 12:17 .

[Arquen]

 oh maker.... I'm scared and laughing at the same time. I'm working on another pic, but it isn't exactly fitting "kinky." Crap, now I'm gonna have to think of something, muahahaha.
My boyfriend is not going to be happy with me if he sees this 

[beckaliz]

Hmm, should I take my mind off Anders for a while and do it... *tapschin*

[CulturalGeekGirl]

So I rewatched a bunch of the Fenris romance cutscenes again. I don't remember why I started, but I ended up with a musing as to the differences between Fenris an Anders. I also finally came up with an explanation for the three year gap that makes sense to me.

It's all about how you deal with pain and comfort. Watch Fenris; when he speaks of something painful, he looks away, and doesn't look back until he's collected himself. Some of the times when he's really angry, he almost sounds almost like he's about to cry, but he's pushing that down with anger - because anger is strong while sadness is weak. Sure, I enjoy the ultimate achievement of unlocking someone's heart after a long struggle, and yes, I tend to go for extremely bitter men. I get the attraction. I feel the attraction. I get the idea, but it still frustrates me.

When he says "I don't think you understand how upsetting this is." my natural response is.
"It's true that I can't really know how upsetting it is. But if it's upsetting, I want to help you get to a point where it is less upsetting. Or distract you. Or whatever you prefer. Just let me do something."

Once a long time ago, I was playing Apples to Apples with my friendly neighborhood masculine stoic. He had the green apple out: "Cowardly"
I grinned, knowing I had a great card and tossed it in. He shuffled them up, looked at them, and laughed. He flipped the cards over, one by one, dismissing them, and mine was the winner. The thing our stoic singled out as most cowardly?

"Getting a Hug."

Now this was all in the kind of exaggerated jest that Apples to Apples breeds among those who know each other too well for too long, but it's funny because it touches on the truth. When your aim is self-sufficient strength, showing weakness and accepting comfort feel like losing. Better to bury your pain in drink and fighting, like a man.

Or so it seems at first. But really, isn't running from your emotions another form of cowardice? Isn't the desire to not show weakness another form of retreat? Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, and then hoping they don't. I think that's why Fenris runs away after that first night: he's realized Hawke can hurt him in so many ways. There's the pain of the markings, and the pain of the memories, but the big thing is the pain of the realization that Hawke can hurt him worse than anything just by leaving him. And that's what he can't admit, can't show, can't deal with, can't even talk about. If they're not together, if she hates him, she can't hurt him. He'll still be in pain, but it'll be his own pain, something he can control, something he's doing to himself.

What he wanted in Act 2 was the ability to be happy without showing vulnerability, without having to give someone else the ability to hurt him. His act 3 realization is that those things come hand in hand, if you really want to be with someone you have to admit that if they left you, it would hurt... and then agree to take that risk. Love isn't just makeouts and flirtation and all the happy bubbly feelings -- it's also letting someone in. "And you can have this heart to break."


Anders is pretty much the opposite.

Most people don't learn the lesson that falling love is giving someone the permission to hurt you until after they've done it, but the Circle made sure Anders learned it early. You know that scene in every movie, where they're torturing a guy and he says "Do your worst!" and then they bring in his girlfriend and threaten to kill her and that's all it takes to break him? I'm sure that's pretty much SOP for the Templars. So Anders took the easy way out for most of his life: never fall in love. You can care a little and it'll hurt a little when you part, but it won't break you. You can afford to lose it. Easy come, easy go.

However he's never been stoic, never hesitated to seek comfort, and now he really, really needs it. He's in more mental and emotional pain than it's probably possible for a normal human to be in, and he's practically screaming for someone to comfort him, even in act 1. Show him even an ounce of kindness, and his control slips.

The thing is, he is fully cognizant of what he'd be doing if he fell for Hawke: giving someone the power to cause him even more pain, which is somehow still possible. What's worse, he's making Hawke do that too, making her take the risk on him, but he knows ahead of time that he's not going to be able to hold up his end of the bargain. She shouldn't trust him not to hurt her, yet he needs her to love him.

In Act 2, Anders just wants to be a normal man in love, even though he knows the whole time that there's going to come a point where Justice is going to come first. Instead of a revelation in act 3, he gets the grim conclusion he knew was coming all along. He tries his best to blunt the blow, and to explain why he is as he is, why he had to do what he had to do.

Fenris wants to be free of need, of vulnerability, and then at the end he finally concedes a little, opens himself up a bit, admits that losing Hawke would hurt. Anders is always full of need and vulnerability, he basically opens himself up to you on page one in a way that is irresponsible and a bit scary, and the end is all about whether or not Hawke is strong enough to deal with it.

[Yankee23]

CulturalGeekGirl wrote...

So I rewatched a bunch of the Fenris romance cutscenes again. I don't remember why I started, but I ended up with a musing as to the differences between Fenris an Anders. I also finally came up with an explanation for the three year gap that makes sense to me.

It's all about how you deal with pain and comfort. Watch Fenris; when he speaks of something painful, he looks away, and doesn't look back until he's collected himself. Some of the times when he's really angry, he almost sounds almost like he's about to cry, but he's pushing that down with anger - because anger is strong while sadness is weak. Sure, I enjoy the ultimate achievement of unlocking someone's heart after a long struggle, and yes, I tend to go for extremely bitter men. I get the attraction. I feel the attraction. I get the idea, but it still frustrates me.

When he says "I don't think you understand how upsetting this is." my natural response is.
"It's true that I can't really know how upsetting it is. But if it's upsetting, I want to help you get to a point where it is less upsetting. Or distract you. Or whatever you prefer. Just let me do something."

Once a long time ago, I was playing Apples to Apples with my friendly neighborhood masculine stoic. He had the green apple out: "Cowardly"
I grinned, knowing I had a great card and tossed it in. He shuffled them up, looked at them, and laughed. He flipped the cards over, one by one, dismissing them, and mine was the winner. The thing our stoic singled out as most cowardly?

"Getting a Hug."

Now this was all in the kind of exaggerated jest that Apples to Apples breeds among those who know each other too well for too long, but it's funny because it touches on the truth. When your aim is self-sufficient strength, showing weakness and accepting comfort feel like losing. Better to bury your pain in drink and fighting, like a man.

Or so it seems at first. But really, isn't running from your emotions another form of cowardice? Isn't the desire to not show weakness another form of retreat? Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, and then hoping they don't. I think that's why Fenris runs away after that first night: he's realized Hawke can hurt him in so many ways. There's the pain of the markings, and the pain of the memories, but the big thing is the pain of the realization that Hawke can hurt him worse than anything just by leaving him. And that's what he can't admit, can't show, can't deal with, can't even talk about. If they're not together, if she hates him, she can't hurt him. He'll still be in pain, but it'll be his own pain, something he can control, something he's doing to himself.

What he wanted in Act 2 was the ability to be happy without showing vulnerability, without having to give someone else the ability to hurt him. His act 3 realization is that those things come hand in hand, if you really want to be with someone you have to admit that if they left you, it would hurt... and then agree to take that risk. Love isn't just makeouts and flirtation and all the happy bubbly feelings -- it's also letting someone in. "And you can have this heart to break." 

Wow, excellent! I think the only thing I would add is that in addition to the the concern of opening himself up to be hurt by Hawke is the concern that he will be hurt because of Hawke. Since his escape aside from Hawke, the only people he allowed himself to be close to were the fog warriors...and we see how that turned out. I think he is purposely not allowing himself to have a life because he learned that it can come crashing down around him if Denarius shows up again. This is why he doesn't open himself up until Denarius is dead and he can finally believe he is free.

[Arquen]

Well said as always CGG. I have to agree with the distinction as well that I can't simply put past the memories or the fact that Danarius is still out there hunting him. He also admits to being a coward in Act 3, and so while it does take him a long time to realize these things I think the time of 3 years is understandable to get there. He goes for it with Hawke after Hadrianna, but realizes that there will be more hunters, and Danarius himself to deal with still.

I don't think it is simply because he is afraid of Hawke hurting him or letting Hawke in. That is part of it, no doubt, but Fenris relies on Hawke and does trust/respect Hawke enough to go for it with him/her. The problem lies when the memories come up, and the past haunts him, hunts him, and deliberately forces him to realize that he is still not free.

Until he is free he doesn't feel like he can focus on happiness, and Fenris is that kind of person who wants to deal with things himself. He trusts nobody with his problems, and he feels like he burdens people when he does "whine" about them. He also concentrates on finding his sister, and doesn't even tell Hawke about that until she is there. He is doing a personal quest to recover a bit of himself, and he doesn't include Hawke because he doesn't want to burden him/her. Also, because he wants to do it for himself. Your dealing with a person who is still finding their individuality and therefore doesn't want someone else to solve their problems for them. He has to figure out what his past means to him on his own.

To me that night is mostly about Fenris realizing that he has started something he can't control, and yet he still is stuck in the past. The memories just reinforce that, and he is trying to come to grips with that. It is "too much, too fast" as he says. It is a simple statement, but I completely understand where that is coming from. It is rooted in realization that he has dragged Hawke into his life, and moreso, that Hawke now has some kind of hold on him. He can't accept Hawke's help because he doesn't know what Hawke is supposed to do for him. He isn't sure what he is supposed to do for himself at this point. He leaves because it is the best option he sees at the moment for himself, and Hawke.

The most heartbreaking thing is when he is standing by the fireplace, and Hawke wakes up, and he turns and gives that little smile. He really wanted to be happy, but he had already made up his mind, and so he is just living in the moment, and smiling. It is like a flash, but so much in that expression. Just like the one after Varania.. where he turns away and closes his eyes, collects himself, then turns.

I just like to read between the lines a lot with Fenris. Though I do agree with you I think there is more to it than that.

[Patriciachr34]

Arquen wrote...

I'm a Fenris purist, and I don't much like the jacket because it reminds me way to much of Dante from Devil May Cry (also a favorite of mine).

I love his armor and so don't like to change it, but I've seen the jacket and I like how it looks on him. I imagine if Hawke ever bought him some new clothes or something that would be one of his "going out" outfits, LOL. Still, I don't see it as more than a "I wear this when I'm alone at my mansion" kind of thing. I can't see him using it as everyday armor.

Thanks for the input all!  I really like the jacket as well.  It suits him, but it kind of reminds me of the costumes from Matrix.  This bothers me a little.  I'll spend some more time with it next week when I'm on vacation and make a final decision.  I may only use it in Act 3 as that is when Fenris is free to be his own man.  Before then, he really is still "chained".  I think that would work better story wise.

[ReiSilver]

CulturalGeekGirl wrote...

So I rewatched a bunch of the Fenris romance cutscenes again. I don't remember why I started, but I ended up with a musing as to the differences between Fenris an Anders. I also finally came up with an explanation for the three year gap that makes sense to me.

It's all about how you deal with pain and comfort. Watch Fenris; when he speaks of something painful, he looks away, and doesn't look back until he's collected himself. Some of the times when he's really angry, he almost sounds almost like he's about to cry, but he's pushing that down with anger - because anger is strong while sadness is weak. Sure, I enjoy the ultimate achievement of unlocking someone's heart after a long struggle, and yes, I tend to go for extremely bitter men. I get the attraction. I feel the attraction. I get the idea, but it still frustrates me.

When he says "I don't think you understand how upsetting this is." my natural response is.
"It's true that I can't really know how upsetting it is. But if it's upsetting, I want to help you get to a point where it is less upsetting. Or distract you. Or whatever you prefer. Just let me do something."

Once a long time ago, I was playing Apples to Apples with my friendly neighborhood masculine stoic. He had the green apple out: "Cowardly"
I grinned, knowing I had a great card and tossed it in. He shuffled them up, looked at them, and laughed. He flipped the cards over, one by one, dismissing them, and mine was the winner. The thing our stoic singled out as most cowardly?

"Getting a Hug."

Now this was all in the kind of exaggerated jest that Apples to Apples breeds among those who know each other too well for too long, but it's funny because it touches on the truth. When your aim is self-sufficient strength, showing weakness and accepting comfort feel like losing. Better to bury your pain in drink and fighting, like a man.

Or so it seems at first. But really, isn't running from your emotions another form of cowardice? Isn't the desire to not show weakness another form of retreat? Love is giving someone the power to hurt you, and then hoping they don't. I think that's why Fenris runs away after that first night: he's realized Hawke can hurt him in so many ways. There's the pain of the markings, and the pain of the memories, but the big thing is the pain of the realization that Hawke can hurt him worse than anything just by leaving him. And that's what he can't admit, can't show, can't deal with, can't even talk about. If they're not together, if she hates him, she can't hurt him. He'll still be in pain, but it'll be his own pain, something he can control, something he's doing to himself.

What he wanted in Act 2 was the ability to be happy without showing vulnerability, without having to give someone else the ability to hurt him. His act 3 realization is that those things come hand in hand, if you really want to be with someone you have to admit that if they left you, it would hurt... and then agree to take that risk. Love isn't just makeouts and flirtation and all the happy bubbly feelings -- it's also letting someone in. "And you can have this heart to break."


Anders is pretty much the opposite.

Most people don't learn the lesson that falling love is giving someone the permission to hurt you until after they've done it, but the Circle made sure Anders learned it early. You know that scene in every movie, where they're torturing a guy and he says "Do your worst!" and then they bring in his girlfriend and threaten to kill her and that's all it takes to break him? I'm sure that's pretty much SOP for the Templars. So Anders took the easy way out for most of his life: never fall in love. You can care a little and it'll hurt a little when you part, but it won't break you. You can afford to lose it. Easy come, easy go.

However he's never been stoic, never hesitated to seek comfort, and now he really, really needs it. He's in more mental and emotional pain than it's probably possible for a normal human to be in, and he's practically screaming for someone to comfort him, even in act 1. Show him even an ounce of kindness, and his control slips.

The thing is, he is fully cognizant of what he'd be doing if he fell for Hawke: giving someone the power to cause him even more pain, which is somehow still possible. What's worse, he's making Hawke do that too, making her take the risk on him, but he knows ahead of time that he's not going to be able to hold up his end of the bargain. She shouldn't trust him not to hurt her, yet he needs her to love him.

In Act 2, Anders just wants to be a normal man in love, even though he knows the whole time that there's going to come a point where Justice is going to come first. Instead of a revelation in act 3, he gets the grim conclusion he knew was coming all along. He tries his best to blunt the blow, and to explain why he is as he is, why he had to do what he had to do.

Fenris wants to be free of need, of vulnerability, and then at the end he finally concedes a little, opens himself up a bit, admits that losing Hawke would hurt. Anders is always full of need and vulnerability, he basically opens himself up to you on page one in a way that is irresponsible and a bit scary, and the end is all about whether or not Hawke is strong enough to deal with it.

I do believe there's a lot of fear in Fenris, though only thing I'd pick at is the comparison of Fenris' stoic nature to present day masculinity-issues stoicism.
Anders had a rough time in the circle but he also had the other mages to turn to for a sort of comfort. Fenris can only remember his time as a body guard and I'm willing to bet that apart from Hadrianna and Danarius he was largely alone, there was no one to offer him any kind of emotional support so he had to deal with everything on his own. And in front of a master that would exploit or punish for any weakness in his body guard. So when he feels vulnerable he's learned to withdraw into himself, I can see looking away untill he's collected himself as a kind of defensive habbit he hasn't broken. When he finds himself in a situation he can't physically fight and doesn't know how to deal with he's gone back to the familiarity of being alone.

I feel the need to point that out because insecure masculinity issues tend to turn me off and irritate me but if the characters has poor social or coping skills because their upbringing left them undeveloped it becomes a 'Come, I will teach you of love and friendship!' kind of thing.
More raised-by-wolves then hugging-is-for-girls basically.

(Also I have no idea what Apples to Apples is... is it an American game or a new one?)

[Arquen]

LOL, I don't know Apples to Apples either, but I assume it is similar to another game I used to play as a kid that I can't remember the name of at the moment.

Fenris is stoic as far as his emotional suppression and dealing with things himself, but I agree it isn't a masculinity "afraid to show weakness" thing, but as you said, a habit formed from forcing himself not to be weak or risk being punished or ridiculed.

[Patriciachr34]

"Never let them see your fear.", is something I learned early on. Showing your fear empowers those around you. People who know your weakness and can exploit it. Never showing your fear empowers you. You are aware of your weakness and work to overcome it. This is what I think Fenris does a lot, especially when confronting Hadriana and Danarius. Fenris allows his anger and overwhelming desire to be free to push him through the fear that he feels. It allows him to push it down and become more than what he is. Eventually, the fear will subside and Fenris will be better for it.

[Dr. Doctor]

Prompt:

The Hanged Man

Varric: Elf, you have that thousand-yard stare again.

Fenris: Isabela suggested that Hawke and I try something called an 'Antivan Milk Sandwich'. It isn't a sandwich.

[CulturalGeekGirl]

I agree, Yankee23, his awareness of how little security he really has is definitely a contributing factor here.

I kind of neglected a lot of the other factors because I had finally found a reason I understood for why he refused to even talk about it. At all. That's what bothered me, before. But any conversation about it would pretty much have to lead to an admission of vulnerability, to himself and to Hawke, and that's what he can't quite do, yet.

The memories thing is interesting, and I'll have to think about that a bit more. I definitely agree that they're sort of a tether, keeping him from moving on. Going to Hawke was about moving on and trying to make something new, but how can he do that when his sister could still be out there, when he realizes again what reclaiming his past means to him? I think that during those three years he manages to convince himself that connecting with his past will fix everything, and that's why it's worth focusing on that rather than Hawke.

All of the other aspects of the explanation people have offered make perfect sense, but not wanting to confront his own vulnerability is what makes me understand his refusal to discuss any of those other aspects. It also allows me to make sense of his explanation dialogue. "I thought it better if you hated me." "The pain, the memories it brought up, it was too much. I was a coward. If I could go back, I would stay. Tell you how I felt." "Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you." 

I understand "this is too much, too fast, I cannot." But Ok... we can slow down, back up a few steps, but that doesn't mean we have to just say "nope, hands off for three years. Also, no talking!" That may be better for Fenris, but I don't think refusing to talk about it is better for Hawke. Fenris as much as admits that: he knows not talking about it may well make Hawke hate him, but that just seemed safter to him at the time. The fact that he realizes at the end that leaving was probably the wrong decision is my favorite part of that scene.

@Reisilver: Yeah, I'm usually turned off by the whole masculinity issues thing too, but I've found that sometimes they're actually the 'learned to deal with being alone' thing in disguise. Less "Hugs are for girls" and more "strength is dignity." Most of the stoics I've been friends with long-term have been like that, and sometimes they link it to masculinity, but often in a self-conscious way, if that makes any sense. Like "I appreciate traditional, Hemmingway-style masculinity, however I realize it might not be the healthiest thing." 

[phyreblade74]

Arquen wrote...

Well said as always CGG. I have to agree with the distinction as well that I can't simply put past the memories or the fact that Danarius is still out there hunting him. He also admits to being a coward in Act 3, and so while it does take him a long time to realize these things I think the time of 3 years is understandable to get there. He goes for it with Hawke after Hadrianna, but realizes that there will be more hunters, and Danarius himself to deal with still.

I don't think it is simply because he is afraid of Hawke hurting him or letting Hawke in. That is part of it, no doubt, but Fenris relies on Hawke and does trust/respect Hawke enough to go for it with him/her. The problem lies when the memories come up, and the past haunts him, hunts him, and deliberately forces him to realize that he is still not free.

Until he is free he doesn't feel like he can focus on happiness, and Fenris is that kind of person who wants to deal with things himself. He trusts nobody with his problems, and he feels like he burdens people when he does "whine" about them. He also concentrates on finding his sister, and doesn't even tell Hawke about that until she is there. He is doing a personal quest to recover a bit of himself, and he doesn't include Hawke because he doesn't want to burden him/her. Also, because he wants to do it for himself. Your dealing with a person who is still finding their individuality and therefore doesn't want someone else to solve their problems for them. He has to figure out what his past means to him on his own.

To me that night is mostly about Fenris realizing that he has started something he can't control, and yet he still is stuck in the past. The memories just reinforce that, and he is trying to come to grips with that. It is "too much, too fast" as he says. It is a simple statement, but I completely understand where that is coming from. It is rooted in realization that he has dragged Hawke into his life, and moreso, that Hawke now has some kind of hold on him. He can't accept Hawke's help because he doesn't know what Hawke is supposed to do for him. He isn't sure what he is supposed to do for himself at this point. He leaves because it is the best option he sees at the moment for himself, and Hawke.

The most heartbreaking thing is when he is standing by the fireplace, and Hawke wakes up, and he turns and gives that little smile. He really wanted to be happy, but he had already made up his mind, and so he is just living in the moment, and smiling. It is like a flash, but so much in that expression. Just like the one after Varania.. where he turns away and closes his eyes, collects himself, then turns.

I just like to read between the lines a lot with Fenris. Though I do agree with you I think there is more to it than that.

This.  And I honestly don't even know what else to add, here.  Is there something totally wrong with me, sigh?