Alright Fenfans - Ficcie!
Ties in with my 'Trust' Propmt, spanning that, the 'Angstfic' (Which I will name 'Witchcraft' from here on) and through 'Smile' parts 1 and 2. - I hope that makes sense!
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Need.He
needed her.
Fenris didn’t remember ever being as close to another as he did to Hawke.
It was possible that he never actually had, how could one possibly feel this way more than once? He had never met anyone even remotely like her, that he was
sure of – Thedas could not possibly contain more than one Navessa Hawke.
At first she had just been the means to an end, a third party hired by Anso to keep the hunters busy. He had been glad of her understanding of his situation and he had barely managed to hide his shock when she offered her help with Denerius. He had wondered how such a naive or kind person had managed to survive.
The fight through the mansion had answered that question. Even facing the Demonspawn that Denerius had summoned she was brilliant. She was as powerful a Mage as his former master had ever been, with a quick eye and an intelligent mind. Kind she might be, Hawke was no pushover. That power had worried him for some time; he was not at ease around Mages and magic.
They had not found Denerius, Fenris had been angry about that. He wanted his freedom, to no longer have to run or hide and that could only be accomplished by his former master’s death. He was not sure what had possessed him to ask to remain with her, possibly his heart had known what it needed long before he had.
He had kept apart from the others as best he could, it wasn’t just that he disliked being touched, there was simply too much he didn’t want others to know about him, too much even he didn’t know anymore. His time on the run had seriously damaged his sociability. If they didn’t get close they couldn’t hurt him. He had been adamant about not letting anyone get close.
Until that night, when she had broken down his door in order to take care of his wounds. He had been certain that he could take care of himself, but his injured wrist had made things hard...Truth be told if Hawke hadn’t shown up he would have been in trouble. But he couldn’t admit it then, had told her to get out, she had refused and started to scream at him.
In that moment he had seen a darker side to her, frustration and anger, and he had acutely felt how vulnerable he was at that moment. He remembered what Denerius could be like when angered and what it had meant for Fenris; he had fearfully reverted back to the broken slave he had been.
But she had let the anger fade, had once again been gentle and caring. Had asked him to trust her and for once in a very long time, he had. He could vividly remember her hands cradling his wrist, the warm rush of her magic through him. It had startled him, when Denerius had used his magic on him it had burned through him; a fiery agony. Hawke’s magic was like warm sunlight washing into him.
He had been enthralled by the sensation, and when she had asked about his brands he had answered her without question. When her thumbs had ghosted over them the shock of actually feeling pleasure had made him gasp. Her worry that she had hurt him had undone him.
After that he had let her heal him when he needed it, and the way she smiled at him for it was worth the risk. He had begun to consider her a friend, to open up to her and it had seemed to make his life a little brighter. He would even go as far to say he was happy.
And then Denerius had found him again. The mercenaries had been careful and uncompromising. He had fought as much for her as he had fought for himself, but had still lost.
In the few hours of his captivity two things had terrified Fenris the most. That Hawke wouldn’t come and the she would. His thoughts still shied away from those hours. Denerius had first tried to talk him into staying, honeyed words that had repulsed him. When that failed the mage had tried to force his compliance, and it still caused Fenris to wake in a cold sweat remembering that it
would have succeeded...
But for Hawke, running into the room and commanding the mage to stop. And then his fear had been all for her, Denerius was powerful – what if he hurt her? What if he
killed her? He has begged her to run, realising in that moment that he cared what happened to her more than himself. It was not entirely unselfish – without her, the one person he could trust, the one friend he had, what would he do?
The sickeningly intimate touch to his leg had made him shudder, but Hawke’s anger had warmed him. And her foiling of Denerius’ trap had made him proud. Hawke was far too clever to fall for that trick. Her assurance facing his old master, her wit even in such a situation; she was so much stronger than he had given her credit for.
She had fought for him, as he lay bound down by Denerius’ magic and all he had wanted was to help her. When the shockwave had thrown her into the wall his heart had stopped. When it seemed as if Denerius had won it had broken. He did not hear what the magister said to her, but the flash of the knife in her hand had left him in no doubt what she thought of it.
The death of the caster had broken his bonds, but he was too weak to do more than cling to her. He had felt no shame in crying in front of her. She did not judge, she only comforted.
In the days after though, he had felt so
broken. Nightmares plagued his sleep and it felt as if every shadow held unknown terrors. And from that fear was born disgust – Denerius was dead, what did he have to fear anymore? He had been too ashamed to come to Hawke with his feelings, but as always, she had known and come to him. He had tried to send her away, but as always, she did not listen.
“What do you need Fenris? Please tell me what I can do for you.”
“Anything in my power to give I will, just please, please don’t hide away, please smile again.”Those words...the absolute conviction in them. She had
meant it; he could ask anything of her. But he had only wanted one thing, the breaking of the one barrier he still kept.
He allowed her to touch him in order to heal him, but it was never more than hand to hand contact. Her holding him after his abduction was the most contact he had ever allowed. And now what he wanted, needed, was more.
But he still had been embarrassed to ask, had blushed as he did. Her thumb brushing his flaming cheek and her hand cradling his head had been soothing, her forehead pressed to his and the kiss left behind had been a benediction.
When she had sat behind him he had been nervous, not knowing what she intended, but her hands kneading his shoulders and neck had negated his nerves. The warmth of her hands and the gentle pressure had felt wonderful. Her hands running through his hair had sent shivers down his spine.
The song had stunned him, Hawke had never before sung. Her voice was slightly husky and it broke a little at the high notes but to him it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. The fact that it was her lost little sisters song that she sang to him made him happy – that she had shared something that meant so much to her with him.
Overcome he had kissed her palm and while he could not
see her blush she was close enough for him to feel the heat from her cheeks. She had stuttered her goodbye and he was afraid he had overstepped some unwritten rule. But when he had asked her to come back the next evening her smile was as bright as ever. He realised that he had never seen Hawke with a...
companion.
Neither of them were regular players in ‘The Game’ it seemed. Something was growing between them. Fenris was afraid to even give a name to it, for fear it would cause it to wither and die. But he wanted it, he needed it.
Fenris
needed Hawke.
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I keep trying to tell myself that I've waited this long... one week and a few days isn't that much longer... but it's just too hard. D:
)
it, aimo 
