1554 réponses à ce sujet

[Interactive Civilian]

Sandbox47 wrote...

These are just weird ones that I didn't want to post previously

Eddie Izzard: I've... I've what? I've wiped out the network? I've wiped out the extranet? I've wiped out the Reapers? O_O But I don't even have a modem!
Shepard: Well that's what you get for not reading the manual properly.

That is most excellent. Or, perhaps I should say, "Glorious".

[Sandbox47]

Miranda: Shepard, what is this?

Shepard: ... I don't know.

Miranda: Yes you do. What is this?

Shepard: Ah, um, well it's ...

Miranda: Tell me. I won't be angry.

Shepard: It's a hammer.

Miranda: And what are you doing with the hammer?

Shepard: I'm... flushing it.

Miranda: Why? That makes no sense.

Shepard: It does! Look, if one of those Oculus is following us then it'll get a hammer in the head from the toilet shoot.

Miranda: But we're on the Citadel.

Shepard: ... Well I have to try out our new weapon somewhere.

_________________________________________________________________________________



Joker: Hey EDI, seen my new moves?

EDI: Technically, it's the Normandy's moves.

Joker: *facepalm - something cracks* Ah, damn it!

EDI: What is wrong, Jeff?

Joker: *looks in the mirror* I've become asian!

_________________________________________________________________________________

[ADLegend21]

Challenge: EMily Wong and Al-jilani fighting over who gets to interview Commander Shepard first. GO!

[Sandbox47]

Emily and Jilani: Shepard, can I get an interview?

Shepard: *punches Jilani*

Jilani: *punches Emily*

Emily: *punches Shepard*

Shepard: The hell!?

Jilani: Aha! I've done least damage!

Shepard: Ugh... not again.

Emily: Wait! *punches Udina*

Jilani: *raises eyebrows* Well I don't need more material than that. *switches camera off* You girls have fun.

Shepard: Huh. I'll bet your story will be on the front page.

Emily: Hardy-har-har.

[Aurica]

Sandbox47 wrote...
Joker: Hey EDI, seen my new moves?
EDI: Technically, it's the Normandy's moves.
Joker: *facepalm - something cracks* Ah, damn it!
EDI: What is wrong, Jeff?
Joker: *looks in the mirror* I've become asian!
_________________________________________________________________________________

I'm not following you...

[Sandbox47]

@Aurica - He flattened his nose. I was too bored not to write and too lazy to do anything interesting.

[Dean_the_Young]

(Shepard is on the Citadel.)

???: You! Human! Yes, you, with all the weapons!

(Shepard looks around.)

???: Yeah, I'm talking to you! You're Commander Shepard, right?

(A Turian, and a female Turian at that, walks up towards Shepard.)

Shepard: I am. And you are...?

(Female Turian): Good, I would have been embarrassed if I had cornered some random human: you all look the same to me. My name is Solana.

(Solana punches Shepard, hard, and Shepard staggers.)

Solana: And that is for what you did to my brother, you ****.

Shepard: (Recovering) Look, girl, I don't know what's going on in your head. I don't know you. Saying I messed with your brother doesn't much help, considering the number of people I've run across, but you're making a mistake here.

Solana: No mistake, human. I know exactly who you are, and if you don't know me that's your fault as well. I am Solana Vakarian.

Shepard: Vakarian? As in Garrus Vakarian?

Solana: He was my brother, until you got your hands on him and corrupted him. And now he's gone.

Shepard: Garrus is my friend, I'd never hurt him! And more importantly, he isn't gone! He's here on the Citadel, on my ship: your brother is alive, Solana.

Solana: No, he isn't. You ruined him, and it's your fault, Shepard! (She raises her fist, as if to strike again.)

Shepard: Because Garrus is part of my crew, I'll let that first hit go. But not a second. Why don't you explain what the hell you're talking about? How did I ruin Garrus at all? How is he not your brother, or dead to you, or whatever?

Solana: My brother was a good man. A good Turian. A respectable conscript tour. A good job in C-SEC, helping people and protecting the galaxy the right way. He might have been frustrated at times, but he was on a good path, doing good work, and had a good future ahead of him. And then you came! The Illustrious Commander Shepard!

And what do you cause him to do? He quits C-SEC, just like that, spitting on my Father's name! (jabs finger) Goes off, playing Spectre, even committing treason to conduct piracy, all to save the galaxy!

Shepard: What we did was necessary. I make no apologies, and neither would your brother.

Solana: If that's all you did, human, I'd be proud of him. But that isn't all you did! Your mission ends, he returns to C-SEC. And then what? Being an officer of the law is 'too constraining' for him. Helping others in C-SEC is 'too boring'. He quits C-SEC, again, but won't even have the courtesy to join the Spectres instead! Instead he abandons his purpose, abandons his career, and goes off into the Terminus systems, and won't give a straight-up answer about anything he does in that sector of depravity and slavery!

Shepard: Garrus did good work. If you knew, you would be proud of him. He's still the same man, Turian, inside.

Solana: Vorcha-****, Shepard! Before you came around, my brother was a good Turian! He didn't quit helping people as a police officer! He didn't go off into the worst places of the galaxy because he was frustrated! And he certainly didn't abandon his family by spitting on his father's honor and leaving a dying mother to wonder what became of her only son!

Shepard: Look, you're frustrated, I understand, but this is a conversation you should be having with Garrus, not me. There's a lot you don't know, and I'm sure once I call him here you can talk and sort this out with your brother.

Solana: You don't get it, do you human?

My mother is dying, has come all the way from Pavlon for some fool-hope of an experimental surgery on the Citadel that might not even work, and that Turian couldn't even be bothered to step off your ship to visit his own mother before she went under the knife on what may well be her death-bed!

Damn you, Shepard, and damn you for what you did to him, but that Turian is not fit to be called my Brother any longer!

[ADLegend21]

Jack: hey thief, I gotta question for you.

Kasumi: *holds up flashbang grenade* I didn't take anything.

Jack: Not about that, about that Cerberus douche.

Kasumi: who?

Jack: Taylor, what's the big deal with him that's got you fawning over him?

Kasumi: you mean you don't know?

Jack: I know he's with Cerberus.

Kasumi: mhm mhm mhm. let me show you something sweetie. wear this and follow me *hands Jack a cloaking device*

*both walk up to the armormy,invisible to spy on jacob.*

Kasumi: *whispers* watch this *activates omni-tool and turns the heat up in the armoy and after a few minutes.*

Jacob: damn it's hot as hell in here *takes off shirt and tosses it aside revealing his abs to Jack.

Jack: *whispers* Damn! I get it now. I'd ride that for days.

Kasumi: Get in line, I got dibs after Shep.

[Marta Rio]

Papa Vakarian:  It's nice to finally meet you, Captain Shepard.
Spacer Shep's Mom:  No need to be so formal, you can call me Hannah.
P.V.:  And you can call me...Inspector Vakarian.
S.S.M.:  Right...So, you had an issue that you wanted to discuss?
P.V.:  Yes.  It concerns my son, and your daughter.
S.S.M.: Oh, of course.  Isn't it great, how they managed to find each other, among all this chaos and uncertainty?
P.V.: What? No, I'm afraid it isn't.  If word of this gets out, Garrus will be shunned!
S.S.M.:  By whom?  Other Turians?
P.V.:  Yes!  Human females do not conform to our standard of beauty.  No fringe, weak waists, lack of chitonous exoskeleton, why it's simply unnatural to find that attractive!  And trust me, I'm not the only one who thinks so. 
S.S.M.:  Hmmm, so what you're saying is that you Turians are all racist?

Modifié par Marta Rio, 23 janvier 2011 - 08:38 .

[ADLegend21]

Marta Rio wrote...

Papa Vakarian:  It's nice to finally meet you, Captain Shepard.
Spacer Shep's Mom:  No need to be so formal, you can call me Hannah.
P.V.:  And you can call me...Inspector Vakarian.
S.S.M.:  Right...So, you had an issue that you wanted to discuss?
P.V.:  Yes.  It concerns my son, and your daughter.
S.S.M.: Oh, of course.  Isn't it great, how they managed to find each other, among all this chaos and uncertainty?
P.V.: What? No, I'm afraid it isn't.  If word of this gets out, Garrus will be shunned!
S.S.M.:  By whom?  Other Turians?
P.V.:  Yes!  Human females do not conform to our standard of beauty.  No fringe, weak waists, lack of chitony exoskeleton, why it's simply unnatural to find that attractive!  And trust me, I'm not the only one who thinks so. 
S.S.M.:  Hmmm, so what you're saying is that you Turians are all racist?

Perfect ending!

[Dean_the_Young]

The New Prompt

(From the best sentence of the week so far.)



"Doctor Chakwas is out to cure Zaeed of erectile dysfunction, whether he has it or not."

[Blazing_Mako]

phreakscp wrote...

ADLegend21 wrote...

Ashley: Hey Skipper?
Shep: yeah?
Ashley: After all this reaper stuff blows over...wanna get married?
Shep: are you proposing...to me?
Ashley: yeah, I'm confident enough to take this off your shoudlers, so you don't get all mushy on me and try that romantic crap from the vids.
Shep: god I love you Ash.

I could see BioWare using this in ME3...

------------------------


EDI: Now that Joker has unlocked my databases, I now wish to go by the name of SHODAN.

Shepard: Why don't we keep that quiet until the Reapers are defeated.

BAHAHAHAHAH!! Hilarious! I love it!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scene: Chakwas is looking over crew medical reports, Zaeed walks in for "routine" exam.

Zaeed: Doc? What is the goddam problem?!

Chakwas: Ahh yes, Zaeed...thankyou for coming. Have you been using the nassal spray I gave you?

Zaeed: Nassal spray?! I thought it was a special oil for Jessie...been rubbing her in it for the past week?!

Chakwas: Umm no. It was for your...little problem....

Zaeed: I aint got no problems Doc!

Chakwas glances down at his crotch and grimaces

Zaeed follows her eyes down and smiles proudly

Zaeed: Just a big goddamn hero down there Chakwas.

Chakwas takes his hand and pats it gingerly

Chakwas: Of course dear...but just in case Jessie isnt the only gun who isn't firing any more, take these.

Chakwas hands him a small packet and winks

Zaeed continues to smile proudly

Zaeed: You know my quaters are the only room on the ship without surveillance cameras...

Zaeed winks back and walks out

[Marta Rio]

Blazing_Mako wrote...
Zaeed: Just a big goddamn hero down there Chakwas.

Outstanding.

[Fromyou]

Shep: Hey garrus how's it going
Garrus: Ummm yeah I'm in the middle of doing some calibrations mayb-
Shep: NO OKAY NO WE JUST DEFEATED THE COLLECTORS I'VE 
           BEEN DEAD FOR TWO DAMN YEARS AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU DAMNIT!!!
Garrus: But the calibra-
Shep: EDI HAS HOLD OF THE WHOLE SHIP SO HOW IS IT GOING
Garrus: Well my mom is dying and I'm having trouble dealing with it and my family has no
             clue about how my face is now ugly and i love a girl who i don't think has the same feelings
Shep: Ummm yeah so how are those calibrations

Challenge: The Illusive Man is on the multi alien concuil 

[sporeian]

*Shepard looking down on the burmomg earth*



Shepard:Man... The Covenant is GLASSING Reach!

Miranda: *Slaps Shepard*

Shepard: uh... The Goa'uld are sieging EARTH!

Miranda: *Hits Shepard across the face*

Shepard: Aliens from MARS are attacking EARTH!

Miranda: *Begins to violently beat Shepard*

Shepard: Welcome to THE SPORTSDOME! I'm Mark Shepard!

Miranda: *leaves*



I know... kinda a stupid reference.



Cookie for the first three references!

[Sajuro]

008Zulu wrote...

Shepard: Hey Garrus, you see those Turians tattoos Jack has?
Garrus: What about them?
Shepard: Don't you think it's strange she has the Turrian word for "Soup" on her lower back?
Jack: I'm standing right here.
Garrus: I thought she really liked soup.
Shepard: That, or "Soup" is a euphamesm for a certain medical condition.
Garrus: What could it be a euph... oh, thats gross Commander.
Jack: F**K you both.

-talking to Jack about her tattoos on a mission-
Shepard: what does that one mean?
Jack: Why the h*ll should I tell you?
Shepard: Come on, just one.
Jack: Fine it's Asari for-
Samara: I believe the rough translation is "bald little ****"
Jack: >.< F*CKER

[Top55]

sporeian wrote...

*Shepard looking down on the burmomg earth*

Shepard:Man... The Covenant is GLASSING Reach!
Miranda: *Slaps Shepard*
Shepard: uh... The Goa'uld are sieging EARTH!
Miranda: *Hits Shepard across the face*
Shepard: Aliens from MARS are attacking EARTH!
Miranda: *Begins to violently beat Shepard*
Shepard: Welcome to THE SPORTSDOME! I'm Mark Shepard!
Miranda: *leaves*

I know... kinda a stupid reference.

Cookie for the first three references!

Ok the first one is Halo, the second is Stargate, and the third one is..... Mars Attacks?

[sporeian]

Top55 wrote...

sporeian wrote...

*Shepard looking down on the burmomg earth*

Shepard:Man... The Covenant is GLASSING Reach!
Miranda: *Slaps Shepard*
Shepard: uh... The Goa'uld are sieging EARTH!
Miranda: *Hits Shepard across the face*
Shepard: Aliens from MARS are attacking EARTH!
Miranda: *Begins to violently beat Shepard*
Shepard: Welcome to THE SPORTSDOME! I'm Mark Shepard!
Miranda: *leaves*

I know... kinda a stupid reference.

Cookie for the first three references!

Ok the first one is Halo, the second is Stargate, and the third one is..... Mars Attacks?

Well the third one is supposed to be War of the Worlds, but I didn't put enough detail into it and it could be any
B-movie about martians so here is your cookie!


GET /index.html HTTP/1.1
Host: www.social.bioware.com

get it!?!?

[sporeian]

News Announcer: This just in, earth has come under siege from an unknown menace and appears to be destroying everybody in sight... All communications have been lost with the palnet.



Shepard: ^This looks like a job for...someone else^.

*runs over to a phone*

Shepard:... Hey ^Isacc^! Listen I got the perfect job for you!



I have two references marked by a pair of ^'s. Who can spot them... Cake for winner!

[Marta Rio]

Samara:  Mordin, I was wondering, do you have any expertise in human psychology?
Mordin:  Yes.  Had to study subject as part of STG training.  Also had opportunity to learn firsthand during clinic work on Omega.
Samara:  Well, I just had a rather interesting conversation with the commander, and I was hoping you could help me understand his motives.
Mordin:  Might be able to.  What was said? 
Samara:  The commander made it clear that he would like to pursue a relationship of a romantic nature with me.  Yet I am a matriach, nearly a thousand years old.  Tell me, is it typical for some humans to find older beings attractive?
Mordin:  Not sure.  Would not have thought so.  But could have sworn Shepard was hitting on me the other day.  Always wants to converse.  In humans, usually a sign of romantic interest.
Samara:  I see.  So it is quite possible that the commander has a proclivity for beings of a certain age, and not just me in particular.
Mordin:  Possible, but need more data before making final conclusion.

[Mordin activates the intercom]
Mordin:  Doctor Chakwas, please report to science lab.  Important medical debate.

[Chakwas enters]
Chakwas:  Mordin, what can I help you with?
Mordin:   Doctor, need to know, are interactions between you and Shepard strictly professional?
Chakwas:  Well, no, I'd consider him a friend, as well as my commanding officer. 
Samara:  Has he ever said anything that suggests he would like to be more than friends?
Chakwas:  I thought you said this was a medical debate.
Mordin:  Yes, related to human psychology.  Very important.  Please, answer the question.
Chakwas:  Um, to be perfectly honest, I'm not really sure.
Mordin:  Not sure?
Chakwas:  Well, last time we had a friendly chat, we both got drunk, and I ended up passing out on one of the examination tables in the med bay.  The last thing I remember is Shepard talking about an old human word.  Milf, I think it was.
Samara:  Milf.  Do you know what it means?
Chakwas:  Not really, although I do remember it had a vaguely romantic connotation.  As I said, I blacked out after that. 
Mordin:  Hmmm, data inconclusive then.  Unsatisfying.
Samara:  Indeed, I was hoping for a more clear cut answer.  Are there no other older crew members that the commander could have expressed interest in?

[Mordin looks pensive for a moment, then activates the intercom]
Mordin:  Zaeed, please report to science lab.

Modifié par Marta Rio, 24 janvier 2011 - 08:39 .

[Prince of Kemet]

sporeian wrote...

News Announcer: This just in, earth has come under siege from an unknown menace and appears to be destroying everybody in sight... All communications have been lost with the palnet.

Shepard: ^This looks like a job for...someone else^.
*runs over to a phone*
Shepard:... Hey ^Isacc^! Listen I got the perfect job for you!

I have two references marked by a pair of ^'s. Who can spot them... Cake for winner!

Superman?
Dead Space?

[Blazing_Mako]

Fromyou wrote...

Challenge: The Illusive Man is on the multi alien concuil 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Scene: Council chambers to discuss the report that a human colony has disappeared

Asari Councillor: Councillors please take a seat, we have a rather disturbing report from Spectre Maerun that the human colony indicated has indeed simply vanished. His report tells the rather chilling tale of how it simply appears that they colonists up and left, leaving everything behind. No trace of what happened at all.

Salarian Councillor: Indeed this report is disturbing, one day the colonists were there and the next simply gone. Not a word from them, however history indicates that human colonies in the traverse are extremely susceptible to slavers and pirates. Still it is strange that there are no signs of struggle or a fight.

Turian Councillor: Is this really our concern, Maerun reported that there were no other species in the system...let alone on the planet.

Human Councillor: Your goddam right it’s our concern! Five hundred humans just up and disappear without a trace and you think it’s not your concern! What is this?!

Asari Councillor: Calm down Councillor, as frustrating as it is for you, this seems to be a human issue, not one that requires the full force of the Citadel.

The Human councillor shook his head slowly and sighs, looking over at the Salarian, desperately trying to read the tall, dark hooded Salarians position.

Human Councillor: Tevos, please tell me you aren’t going to let this white wash continue...You of all must understand the repercussions of letting a colony of this size simply vanish.

Councillor Tevos blinks several times and rubs his chin, looking around the chamber he feels Anderson’s eyes searching for a clue, the Turian, Valern, looked bleakly at him, clearly disinterested in the affairs that were being discussed.

Councillor Tevos: Anderson, see this from our perspective...this isn't what it appears to be, it is not a galactic affair, Maerun's report though does hint at possible foul play but there is simply zero evidence.

The Asari Councillor rubbed her forehead and looked over at Valern; the Turian seemed to have a yawn just about ready to break across his face. She decided to interject.

Asari Councillor: Valern, considering that Turian ships are closest to the area, is it possible that you could cordon off the system until the Systems Alliance can reach the area to conduct their own investigation?

Valern picked up almost immediately and scowled at the Matriarch, her question positioned him a do or die position, he was damned if he said yes, as the Hierarchy would not be pleased with the unnecessary use of the fleet and if he didn't agree, then Anderson and the Alliance would call foul play...again.

Councillor Valern: I have a question first, the report said that there was absolutely no one left in the colony, if that is true and the only beings to have gone to the system was Spectre Maerun who just happened to be passing through on the off chance that he needed to resupply his ship. How did this story even get out into the media? As they say...If there are no survivors how can there be a story?

Anderson stood up, shaking with rage; he opened his mouth to verbally destroy the Turian Councillor. However before he could even begin to tear shreds off Valern, he was interrupted by a shimmering hologram...a middle aged man, although with modern technology he was probably pushing early 60's flickered into view for all four of them to see quite clearly. Anderson sat down as he recognised the man.

Councillor Anderson: How the hell did you get in here!...Security tell C-Sec's cyber division to get here immediately.

T.I.M. looked around the room, the councillors were caught off guard, their mouths barely remaining closed...all three alien's clearly trying to conceive ways he could break into the highest security system in Citadel Space. He used his opportunity masterfully, clearly ignoring Anderson.

T.I.M: Good day Councillors...well not that good actually..Before I begin let me say, it was firstly I who leaked the story to the press, an incident like this shouldn’t be kept from the public.

T.I.M winked at Valern, indicating he had been listening in the whole time.

T.I.M: And to you Tevos, you are correct, this is not what it appears, although even I am struggling to discover the true means of the disappearance.

T.I.M. Let out a puff of cigarette smoke and smiled at them all, clearly he was holding their attention as they desperately tried to analyse his position in all of this.

T.I.M: Come now councillors you aren’t seriously going to let something of this magnitude slip from your fingers...what if it’s a Turian world that goes next? Or an Asari colony...what if Illium is hit by whatever is going on near the fringe colonies..We all know she is susceptible enough. I can tell you right now, this isn’t the first colony to be hit...you just haven’t heard about the other ones yet.....

T.I.M opened his mouth to continue talking but this time no sound came out...his image flickered and the shut down. Over the intercom a Quarian's voice reported in.

Quarian: Sorry councillors...looks to have been a bug in the system...fixed it now though. Kar'Noma signing off.

Asari Councillor: So that was the Illusive Man...no one must know what we just saw...that he can hack into the council chambers...if word got out, it would be a scandal beyond even Sovereign and the Geth.

Councillor Valern: Regardless...We cannot trust a terrorist...and the Turian fleet will not move to combat a threat that does not exist.

Councillor Tevos: Indeed. We cannot become involved in a matter that clearly this Illusive man is trying to manufacture for his own purposes.

All three of them looked at Anderson knowingly and he nodded in agreement.

Councillor Anderson: Alright...I'll pass the report onto the Alliance and they will take the investigation on themselves. Matriarch..do you want to do the press release as to why the Council isn't become involved or shall I?
----------------------------------------------------------------

Later as TIM and Miranda watch Emily Wong report the news of the council not being interfered in a purely human affair.

T.I.M: Excellent so they are going to stay the hell away from our colonies, what did I say Miranda, with the Council not interfering it will be easy enough for us to go about our business and for you to rebuild Shepard.

Miranda Lawson stood relaxed...looking out at the red-blue sun in the distance.

Miranda: Shepard did everything right...more than we could have hoped for...

[Aurica]

Sandbox47 wrote...
@Aurica - He flattened his nose. I was too bored not to write and too lazy to do anything interesting.

No wonder I didn't get it.  Because the Asians I see here have no flat noses.... <_<