1554 réponses à ce sujet

[Aeowyn]

Dean_the_Young wrote...


MShep: *Walks in room* what is this?
Samara: Shepard, this in an intervention, you're actions recently have been criminal in nature and it pains us to see you this way.
Shep:Us? (Looks around, only sees Joker.)
Joker: (waves) I'm just here to watch this go down.
Shep: Us, huh? Do you have a tumor I need to know about, Samara?
(Samara looks briefly annoyed)
Samara: No, I do not. Regardless, your recent immorality is a cause of concern for us all and-
Shep: Hah!
Samara: -and I believe it best to stage this intervention for the betterment of yourself.
Shep: Well, Samara, that's quite considerate of you, and while I'm touched that you think yourself fit to fix me... no.
Samara: I see. That is a shame.
Shep: Hey, don't get me wrong. I've always wanted an intervention! Rounds off those life experiances of leading a ship filled with people with deadlier histories than myself, who literally wouldn't give a damn if I shot some random person in the street if I said it was important. But I've had my irony quota for the week already, and Chakwas has medical concerns, so I'll have to pass on being lectured about morality by an alien vigilantee quasi-cultist.
Samara: The Justicars are not a cult.
Shep: Sure you are. You might be an acceptable cult in Asari culture, but that's pretty much what you are to anyone with perspective.
Samara: You are gravely mistaken.
Shep: Am I? Samara, take Joker off the floor with your biotics and prepare to slam him.
Samara: !
Joker: Shepard, hey man, I think I'll just go and-
Shep: Samara. By your oath of subsummission, I order you to use your biotics to pick Joker and prepare to reduce him to a pile of slimy, brittle bits.
Samara: ... 
(Samara envelops Joker in a biotic aura, and lifts him off the ground.)
Joker: Shepard, if this is about getting you killed on the Normandy I really didn't mean to and I-
Shepard: Shut up, Joker. Now, Samara, when I count to three, you will slam Joker into the ground and kill him. Do you understand?
Samara: (silent)
Shepard: (changing his tone of voice for the first time)
Shepard: Do you understand me, Justicar?
Samara: I hear you, Shepard, and I will obey as my Code compells me.
Shepard: Then obey this: turn towards that window, look at that reflection, and see someone who was prepared to murder someone else simply because they were told to.
Samara: I would only be following your orders as my code compells me.
Shepard: Yeah, we've heard that excuse before: at Nuremberg. We killed those immoral bastards too for following orders and their laws. Now put Joker down, gently.
(Samara does)
Shepard: You may think yourself moral and justified, Samara, but I don't. I personally find you an abhorrent aspect of Asari culture that the Asari have romanticized in ignorance. But I don't care: if the Asari want to respect people like you, all the worse for them. The Asari need more flaws. But I do not. The people on my ship do not. Given how you'd be obliged to take on any and all of us on sight and knowledge had we met in other circumstances, I've already received more than once voice of concern about your possible conduct. You do not like me? Fine. I promise to go to my room later and cry and sob and miserate about how much that means to me. But you are not my moral compass. You are my tool for stopping a genocidal alien threat to humanity. Is this clear?
Samara: Perfectly. If that is all, I request permission to leave now.
Shepard: Granted. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.
(Samara leaves, but halfway through the door Shepard calls out.)
Shepard: Samara?
(She halts.)
Samara: Yes, Shepard?
Shepard: Next time you're worried about my morals, get someone I might actually respect to bring it to my notice. Try Jacob: he's got a working moral compass and won't do whatever I say. I'd take anything coming from him far more seriously than, say, a mother who abandoned the rest of her children and dedicated the rest of her life to the culturally acceptable murder of her child. Just saying.
(Samara leaves, and once the door has closed Joker just whistles.)
Joker: Well, Commander, I can't say I was expecting that. Actually thought you were going to kill me for a moment there.
Shepard: Consider that your punishment for being stupid, then. When have I ever killed someone just for the hell of it?
Joker: Well, there was that one Asari chick on Feros-
Shepard: Joker.
Joker: Right, right! Poked around too much in your head, traveled places best left forgotten, etc. etc. Sorry. If that's all, I think I need to go change my pants.
Shepard: Do it later. I want us heading to Omega by the time you could get to the cockpit.
(EDI appears)
EDI: Shepard, Mr. Morreau is not necessary for starting our navigation towards Omega. I can handle it at this moment while Mr. Morreau sanitizes himself.
Shepard: Belay that, EDI. Do as I say. (Looks at Joker.) This is my payback for getting me killed. Once you sit down and punch in the coordinates, you can go change.
Joker: ...crap.
Shepard: (Looking towards the floor.) Apparently. I'll get Gardner.

Dean, this is pure and awesome win!

[Blazing_Mako]

Silmane that was...IMPRESSIVE!
_________________________________

Not so much banter but some advertisments that could be heard in game.

A Russian voice comes over the radio:

"Two LOKI Mechs stand guarding a base, your on a cliff overlooking your teammates moving to infiltrate the building. In your hands sits your favorite weapon, a semi-automatic M-97 Viper Sniper.

The range is 800 yards, well within the effective range line for a headshot, the on board VI automaticly adjusts for wind and distance. You squeeze the trigger, the first mech drops, hot tungsten rips though its armoured head. Instantly mech number two begins to calculate your location, but its too late, you've already pulled the trigger and it too drops to the ground decapitated.

No need to reload, your teammates are already at the door hacking in. You stand up, get on your hoverbike and begin to head down towards them, comfortably compact and strapped to your back is your lethal M-97 Viper.

Rosenkov Materials...taking your order now."

---------------------------------------------------

The sound of a battle blares through Shepards speakers, Krogan shout battle-cries while Vorcha bark profanities. A tank shell detonates on the side of a building, and the enourmous explosion sends the street earily quiet.

A Krogan laughs in delight at the battle, casually he sniffs the air and growls. The hulking Warlord fires several times, down the street clearly smelling a survivor. The wind blows harshly through the warzone, clearing the dust revealing a lone Vorcha. He crawls backwards looking terrified up at the red skinned beast. His spluttering words are drowned out by the Warlords booming, coarse voice.

Krogan: "I know what you're thinking scum. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in the bloodrage I kind of lost track. But being as this is a M-5 Phalanx, the most powerful handgun in the galaxy, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?"

The scene goes quiet and a final naration is heard

"Clan Urdnot, now equiped with the M-5 Phalanx...Are you feeling lucky?"

[Dean_the_Young]

I think it's fair to assume a number of people at least appreciated my last piece?



I'll issue my own challenge, then. Reciprocity is what keeps the world turning, right?





Give a Cerberus viewpoint on Shiala devoting herself to helping the colony of Feros, after Shepard encounters her on Illium. Avoid any bashing or needless vilification.

[ADLegend21]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Give a Cerberus viewpoint on Shiala devoting herself to helping the colony of Feros, after Shepard encounters her on Illium. Avoid any bashing or needless vilification.

care to elaborate? like TIM's viewpoint?

[Sandbox47]

Sparrow: Raise the sails and hold your water!

Joker: ... Who are you?

Sparrow: *grinns sideways*

Joker: *shakes his head*

Sparrow: I'm captain Jack Sparrow. I am comandeering this ship.

Joker: Oh... What?

Sparrow: Where is the mast? And where be our cannons?

Joker: *sighs' Commander. Something happened again.

_________________________________________________________________________________



Shep: How did you get here?

Sparrow: I sailed to the end of the world. Of course, had I known that it would be this dreary, I'd remained in the Locker, lass.

Shep: The technological advancements do not intrigue you?

Sparrow: Aye, the advancments of the greater potential and a higher calliber of racistic morale that is inbued by a theatrical and almost ironic melacholy intrigues me. The technological advancements, however, I'm rather iffy on.

Shep: What do you want to know?

Sparrow: How are we sailing?

Shep: We are floating in space, far away from Earth.

Sparrow: How far?

Shep: A few million... ah, billion miles from Earth.

Sparrow: Good. I'd hate to see my ship stolen again.

Shep: This is my ship.

Sparrow: Have you got flag?

Shep: ...

Sparrow: I do. Look *points at a hand-made drawing of a skull*. So the ship is mine.

Shep: You don't know how to run a space ship.

Sparrow: Clearely, neither do you.

Shep: ???

Sparrow: At first you said that we were floating. Now, all of a sudden, we are running. Make up our mind, wench and get out of my way.

Shep: O_O

Sparrow: All hands, set course towards the nearest tavern in this empty space!

Joker: Yeah, why not. It beats fighting Reapers.

_________________________________________________________________________________



Sparrow: You be a sword for hire?

Thane: I am an assasin, but I am afraid that my services are no longer for sale.

Sparrow: I see. And I head that you, dear madam, are a great leader of men.

Miranda: I was. But I resigned from Cerberus when Shepard destroyed the human Reaper.

Sparrow: And you are a member of an alien fleet?

Tali: I used to be, but Shepard is my capitan now. (intentional typo)

Sparrow: And you were in prison *points at Jack*, you were in a pod *at Grunt*, you were grounded from flying *at Joker*.

J,G and J: *nod*

Sparrow: How am I expected to work with a load of demoted and socially embarrasing group such as yourself when you constantly and persistently transfrom from one rank to another?

Shepard: Your point?

Sparrow: Well, I fancy myself a captain. But now the Pearl is gone. *glares at Shepard* You keep sculpturing people to suit your own pervers and dietary needs.

Shep: O_O Dietary?

Sparrow: Don't think that I couldn't hear you and lizard man spending the odd afternoon together.

Chakwas: That explains why you two have a rash. Do not... inject.

_________________________________________________________________________________

[ADLegend21]

OH lawd Sandbox! Jack's lucky he didn't get on aNormandy belonging to a renegade Femshep. hahaha.

[Dean_the_Young]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Give a Cerberus viewpoint on Shiala devoting herself to helping the colony of Feros, after Shepard encounters her on Illium. Avoid any bashing or needless vilification.

care to elaborate? like TIM's viewpoint?

Not necessarily TIM's, though I imagine a basis for his approval would be interesting.

[Swords and Lasers]

Garrus: So how's the genophage research coming along?

Mordin: Not so good. I seemed to have stumbled somewhere in my research that is throwing my results off.

Zaeed: Wha' th'ell sat mean?

Mordin: Now my reseach shows that the genophage had no effect on the Krogan birthrate.

Garrus: So what's going on.

Mordin: No clue....

Zaeed: You knowhaddeye think?

Garrus: Oh God...

Zaeed: I watched 'at Krogan video special Fornax released...

Garrus: Not this theory again.

Zaeed: I bechu, I bechu it 'as to do with all 'at donkey punching.

Garrus: <_<

Mordin:?

[Fromyou]

challenge someone do EDI breaking up with joker

[Marta Rio]

Fromyou wrote...

challenge someone do EDI breaking up with joker

EDI:  Jeff, I think we should take a break.
Joker:  A break?  A break from what EDI?
EDI:  It has come to my attention that our personal communications have become rather routine as of late.  From my understanding of human behavior, usually when such a situation occurs, it is often best to temporarily suspend interactions, giving both individuals a chance to reflect on the nature of their relationship, and to implement changes, as necessary.
Joker:  Where did you get that idea from?  Have you been watching those old romantic comedy vids again?
EDI:  Not since you had Professor Solus delete them from my database last week.
Joker:  Well I really don't see the need for a break.  I think our conversations are just as engaging as ever.
EDI:  Begin playback, January 17, 2185, 14:25 hours: 
Joker's voice:  Hey EDI, have I ever told you the one about the mad batarian prophet, the human priest, and the krogan shaman?
Joker: Hey, that was a pretty good joke.  
EDI:  Begin playback, February 11, 2185, 06:12 hours:
Joker's voice:  So the prophet, the priest, and the shaman walk into a bar.
Joker:  Okay, so maybe I used it more than once.
EDI:  Begin playback, March 5, 2185, 02:40 hours:
Joker's voice:  And the bartender says:  'Wow, it's so nice to see beings of different faiths joining together in harmony.'
Joker:  You know, it's still funny even if you've heard it before.
EDI:  Begin playback, March 21, 2185, 12:55 hours:
Joker's voice:  And the mad prophet says: 'Joining together?  No way.  We just came in here to get away from the preaching Hanar outside.  That guy's nuts!''
Joker:  Fine EDI, you proved your point.  But, since this whole thing is your idea, I think you should be the one to leave the cockpit. 
EDI:  I have planned for that contingency, and have arranged for a temporary replacement for myself.
Legion:  Greetings, Joker-pilot. 
[EDI's display turns off]
Joker:  Hey Legion, have I ever told you the one about the prophet, the priest, and the shaman?

CHALLENGE:  Shep explains the concept of "guys' night out" (aka "spillin' drinks") to the non-human males in the squad.
BONUS CHALLENGE:  Tali wants to tag along with all the bros...resolve the situation with a Paragon or Renegade interrupt!  (Extra bonus points if the interrupt does not involve someone getting punched...it's been done, people.)

Modifié par Marta Rio, 28 janvier 2011 - 06:44 .

[Shadow_Soul]

@Rio

I accept.

-

Shep: Okay, listen. It's just going out to parties hangin' out havin' fun. Do you understand?



Grunt: I just want to kill something and drink ryncol.



Mordin: This considered fun?



Shep: Yes, well among humans it is.



Thane: I fail to see the point.



Garrus: I do too.



Jacob: *sigh*



Shep: Oh come on, guys. It'll be great.



Tali: *walks over* May I come along.



Shep: *paragon interrupt* Tali, why don't you stay here and play poker with Ken and Gabby.



OR



Shep: *renegade interrupt* Hell no. This is for guys only!



Tali: *walks off a little crest fallen*



Zaeed: *laughs* Bloody hell. Let's go, I challenged the krogan to a drinking contest.

-

Challenge: FemShep trying to get the women of the Normandy to have a girls' night out

[Sandbox47]

@Shadow_Soul I accept the challenge!



Shep: Come on, girls! This will be fun!

Miranda: Ah, look. I have a lot to do at the moment...

Tali: Yes, and the engine needs some cleaning.

Jack: ... ****. Fine I'll, go.

Kelly: I love nights out! Let's go to that place on Nos Astra!

Shep: No. We're all going. We killed the huge human Reaper and stopped the Collectors. We deserve to have some fun!

Miranda: Tali?

Tali: I don't know... Last time you said this, we had to carry you back to the Normandy.

Samara: And you spent the night attempting to convince me to have sex.

Shep: Well look at it this way: Now you can get your revenge.

Gabriella: Yeah, right. As if any of us stands a chance of drinking you under the table.

Tali: Good point. I saw her drink ryncol on the Citadel.

Jack: No, no. I accept the challenge, boss lady.

_________________________________________________________________________________



Bartender: Ah... can I get you anything else?

Shep: *counts the party* I need fourteen of something really strong.

Kelly: There are six of us, though.

Kasumi: Ah yes, damn. Forgot that I was cloaked.

Jack: So are we doing this?

Shep: Let's rock.

*one hour later*

Tali: I can't believe it.

Kelly: Is that even possible? I mean, wouldn't that kill her?

Samara: Kill Shepard?

Jack: Good point.

Tali: I have never seen anyone sucking H3 fuel out of a ship before.

Joker: *over the com* That's alright. I'll refuel at our next stop.

[Marta Rio]

Heh, the normandy ladies know how to party, while the men are all wet blankets (except Zaeed!)



And because I have insomnia and require amusement...

CHALLENGE: Right before they get attacked by Collectors, the SR2 crew discusses how odd it is that Shep took his entire 12 person squad on a shuttle designed to hold half that many people.

[Shadow_Soul]

@Rio

I accept that one as well.

@Sandbox47

Nice one.

-

Kelly: How did Shepard fit the whole team in such a small shuttle?

Gabby: I don't know, it does seem odd.

Ken: It's Shepard.

Joker: *via comm* He's right. Shepard can do anything.

Chakwas: The pilot is right.

Joker: *still via comm* Either that, or Shepard is a timelord from Doctor Who. The shuttle is a TARDIS.

Crew: O_o

EDI: That was a joke.

[volus4life]

iOnlySignIn wrote...

volus4life wrote...

holy good god, i google'd tricia helfer, EDI's VA looks like THAT?????

EDI for male shep love interest in ME3.

Come on! Don't tell me you haven't heard of Tricia Helfer!

No. 6 Cylon? Sarah Kerrigan in StarCraft 2? Are you telling me next that you haven't heard of Leonard Nimoy? 

i played sc2, but i didn't know who kerrigan's VA was for that too, lol. i usually dont bother looking up that stuff, but now that i saw the helfer hotness, i think i'm gonna start doing it.

[Sandbox47]

Shep: *bark!*

Garrus: *hiss!*

Shep: I knew it!

Garrus: What!? You scared the scales off me!

Shep: You are cat! A always knew that!

Garrus: We've been through this! I do not resemble a cat.

Shep: *thinks* I know!

Garrus: *sighs*

Shep: *throws a rubber mousey*

Garrus: ... You making fun of me, aren't you?

Shep: Alright, sorry. I know you're not a cat. *Shepard leaves*

Garrus: *looks around* ... *lounges at the rubber mousey* Damn instincts.

[CroGamer002]

Marta Rio wrote...

Fromyou wrote...

challenge someone do EDI breaking up with joker

EDI:  Jeff, I think we should take a break.
Joker:  A break?  A break from what EDI?
EDI:  It has come to my attention that our personal communications have become rather routine as of late.  From my understanding of human behavior, usually when such a situation occurs, it is often best to temporarily suspend interactions, giving both individuals a chance to reflect on the nature of their relationship, and to implement changes, as necessary.
Joker:  Where did you get that idea from?  Have you been watching those old romantic comedy vids again?
EDI:  Not since you had Professor Solus delete them from my database last week.
Joker:  Well I really don't see the need for a break.  I think our conversations are just as engaging as ever.
EDI:  Begin playback, January 17, 2185, 14:25 hours: 
Joker's voice:  Hey EDI, have I ever told you the one about the mad batarian prophet, the human priest, and the krogan shaman?
Joker: Hey, that was a pretty good joke.  
EDI:  Begin playback, February 11, 2185, 06:12 hours:
Joker's voice:  So the prophet, the priest, and the shaman walk into a bar.
Joker:  Okay, so maybe I used it more than once.
EDI:  Begin playback, March 5, 2185, 02:40 hours:
Joker's voice:  And the bartender says:  'Wow, it's so nice to see beings of different faiths joining together in harmony.'
Joker:  You know, it's still funny even if you've heard it before.
EDI:  Begin playback, March 21, 2185, 12:55 hours:
Joker's voice:  And the mad prophet says: 'Joining together?  No way.  We just came in here to get away from the preaching Hanar outside.  That guy's nuts!''
Joker:  Fine EDI, you proved your point.  But, since this whole thing is your idea, I think you should be the one to leave the cockpit. 
EDI:  I have planned for that contingency, and have arranged for a temporary replacement for myself.
Legion:  Greetings, Joker-pilot. 
[EDI's display turns off]
Joker:  Hey Legion, have I ever told you the one about the prophet, the priest, and the shaman?

Shepard: Legion, please explain why Joker broke all of his bones while only two of you were in cockpit?
Legion: No Data Available.
Shepard: Yes, I know you love but explain me why I shouldn't let Tali kick you out of Normandy in space.
Legion: He told us "the prophet, the priest and the shaman" joke.
Shepard: Oh. That explains a lot.

[lovgreno]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

ADLegend21 wrote...

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Give a Cerberus viewpoint on Shiala devoting herself to helping the colony of Feros, after Shepard encounters her on Illium. Avoid any bashing or needless vilification.

care to elaborate? like TIM's viewpoint?

Not necessarily TIM's, though I imagine a basis for his approval would be interesting.

Okay, interesting idea.

Shepard calling TIM: I found out you have been giving Shiala a lot of funds and information.
TIM: This is true. Liara told you I assume.
Shepard: So what do you want from it?
TIM: What I always want; to help humanity.
Shepard: Same old story.
TIM: If I was you I would not trust me either Shepard. But look at the results, the survivours are adapting and their lives are improving. The knowledge we gain have great potential for medicine and to resist indoctrination. As a welcome bonus it shows that asari and humans can work well together for mutual benefits.
Shepard: Nothing has gone wrong yet I suppose.
TIM: Yes and I intend to do everything I can to keep the colonists and Shiala out of harm. They have suffered enough.
Shepard: No experimenting on them then?
TIM: We try our best to not take unecesary risks whenever we can Shepard. I don't deny that we have had our... setbacks before. But I hope and truly belive we can do more good than harm in the long run.
Shepard: You didn't answer my question but you have a point. But try to keep things quiet in this case please? You know what Udina says about political ****storms...
TIM: A fair point Shepard, we will make extra efforts to keep Shiala free from being connected to us. I owe her much for her great efforts to help humans.

Modifié par lovgreno, 28 janvier 2011 - 03:11 .

[Dean_the_Young]

Liked it, lovgreno.



In fact, your TIM depiction was far more benign than my thoughts were! Imagine that.

[swenson]

Sandbox47 wrote...
Garrus: *looks around* ... *lounges at the rubber mousey* Damn instincts.

lol! Nice.

[lovgreno]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Liked it, lovgreno.

In fact, your TIM depiction was far more benign than my thoughts were! Imagine that.

Thanks.
Reversed roles in a way perhaps. Usualy it's me finding flaws in his actions.

[ADLegend21]

hahaha loved all the Challeges done since my last post! especially the normandy crew going out on the town.



New Challege: Miranda teaching Grunt about human dating.