1554 réponses à ce sujet

[volus4life]

ADLegend21 wrote...

hahaha loved all the Challeges done since my last post! especially the normandy crew going out on the town.

New Challege: Miranda teaching Grunt about human dating.

*Grunt walks into Miranda's office*

Grunt: Lawson.
Miranda: Hello, Grunt? May I help you?
Grunt: Lawson, I have determined that you are the strongest combatant among the females on this ship. Should you find me worthy of your attention, I would be honored if you would lie down with me tonight.
Miranda: Well! Um, I certainly don't mind a direct man, but this is a bit much, don't you think?
Grunt: It is?
Miranda: It is. Listen, Grunt, I am flattered that you would find me attractive, but I imagine that the courtship of a human female is a bit different from the courtship of a krogan female. You don't just walk up to a human woman, compliment each other's fighting abilities, and then go shag in the bedroom.
Grunt: Lawson, I would never insult a great human warrior as yourself by wooing with only empty words. I am well aware that, during a human courtship ritual, the male should offer a gift of great value to the female as a token of his affection.
Miranda (sits up with dollar signs flashing across her eyes): You have a gift of great value?
Grunt: Of course! (brings forward a giant tooth which he's been hiding behind his back) Please accept this gift as a sign of my worthiness for your approval, Lawson.
Miranda: Oh, it's a.... tooth.
Grunt (with pride): It is a fang of the thresher maw I killed on Tuchanka.
Miranda: I see.
Grunt: You are not impressed?
Miranda: Oh no, it is very impressive, Grunt. However, I am not sure if it is appropriate as a gift of courtship for a human woman.
Grunt: I see. What would be appropriate, then?
Miranda: Well, some human women appreciate gifts of a more sentimental value. Take a bouquet of pretty flowers, for example. It does not take a mighty warrior to pick flowers from the ground, but human women appreciate them, nonetheless.
Grunt: Flowers?? Well....  that makes some sense, I suppose. They do taste good.
Miranda: Err, I'm sure they do. But more importantly, Grunt, human women love it when you lavish them with gifts of great monetary value! Such as, oh, I don't know, a long coat made of genuine Elcor mink fur? Which happens to be available on the Extranet for 4,999 credits, if you ever feel like looking it up?
Grunt: But, Lawson.... the tooth of a thresher maw is worth over 200,000 credits on the black market. Its powder is considered to be an aphrodisiac among many alien races.
Miranda: Here, gimme gimme gimme.

[ADLegend21]

volus4life wrote...
*Grunt walks into Miranda's office*

Grunt: Lawson.
Miranda: Hello, Grunt? May I help you?
Grunt: Lawson, I have determined that you are the strongest combatant among the females on this ship. Should you find me worthy of your attention, I would be honored if you would lie down with me tonight.
Miranda: Well! Um, I certainly don't mind a direct man, but this is a bit much, don't you think?

bahahaha! the whole thing was great, but i had to pause to laugh at this point.

[Sandbox47]

Tali: So your people had to leave your homeworld as well?

Thane: Yes. By the time we left it was barely capable of supporting life. I am afraid that we have ruined the planet.

Tali: And you are fine with living on the Hanar homeworld?

Thane: That is not the point. The Hanar saved us from ourselves. And we cannot simply migrate to another planet now. We are a whole species, not just one nation.

Tali: How did you let your homeworld be destroyed?

Thane: I suppose that "destroyed" is an apt description to what happened. We endulged ourselves and our vanity. Many Drell enjoy testing the limits of what they can become. This was no different. Everyone wanted the new leather, the new tech, the new car. And then, one day, it all collapsed. When we seemed to be at the peak of our advancement, the farms were the first to notice it. There wasn't enough produced for the demands they recieved. Then came the economy falling. The plantlife had already been severely damaged and only the hardest remained in the wild. Everything suddenly became precious and money were no good to get to it. It was a lot like a bee-hive only wihout the unity and the queen.

Tali: But did you never try to stop? To correct your mistakes?

Thane: Your people found interstellar travel before your planet could succumb to this, so it will be hard for you to understand. There was simply no one who could stop it. There was no authority anymore. The politicians argued and the scientists worked hard, but they had no power. The people tore the authority to shreds. There was no time nor enough resources to start over. We were a dying sun, suffocating from its own mass when the Hanar found us.

Tali: It sounds horrible.

Thane: I am sure that being kicked out of your planet by illegal, synthetic dolls was quite as horrible. I have seen enough Geth to know that they have no morals that guide their hands, only programing. Cold killers when need be.

Tali: ... when you say it like that. And then with your photographic memory... The Drell that left with the Hanar...

Thane: *robotic voice* Consensus reached. Tali Zorah must be silenced!

________________________________________________________________________________



Challenge: Thane and Wrex

[Fromyou]

challenge: garrus finishes his calibrations

[ZachForrest]

Garrus finishes calibrations

-So you've finished then?

-Yeah

-Took long enough.

-Yeah, what did you want?

-Nothing, you know that reporter we met on the Citadel?

-Yeah

-Met her again. Punched her this time.

-She wasn't that bad

-I know. it's that ice whisky, shouldn't have it warm.

-Put it in the fridge

-It's broken. You were sick on the radiator after we had that Krogan stuff. Remember?

-No omnigel?

-We drank that as well. Burnt it did.

Modifié par ZachForrest, 29 janvier 2011 - 05:58 .

[ADLegend21]

Sandbox47 wrote...

Challenge: Thane and Wrex

Challenge ACCEPTED.

Wrex:I didn't know shepard had a drell Assasin on her ship.
Thane: Yes,she recruited me afterI finished my assasination of Nassana Dantius.
Wrex: So that **** finally got hers, how'd you do it?
Thane: *memory* Target is distracted, now's my chance. I drop from the vent, snap the first guard's next before I'm noticed. Collapse the throat of the next with a jab, shoot the final guard. Grab the target by the hand and fire a single round into her stomach.Iay her down gently as the life drains from her.*memory*
Wrex: Pretty impressive drell. What other stories do you have?
Thane: Well....*memory* Shepard, Mordin,andI turn the corner, bloodpack squad up ahead. She vanishesand reappears a second later, her charge successful. "Urdnot Wrex don't got nothing on me!" she bellows as several Krogan and Vorcha lie dead at her feet. *memory*
Wrex:...SHEPARD!

[Sandbox47]

Ah, AD. What's the expression? You nailed it.

[ADLegend21]

Sandbox47 wrote...

Ah, AD. What's the expression? You nailed it.

*bows* thank you thank you.

NEW CHALLENGE: Shepard replacing Anderson as human councilor after ME3 ( he retired or died either or)

[Assasin4Hire]

(Shepard in Chakwas office)
Chak: Well the shot didn't do any major damage, but it did strike your translator.

Shep: So? can't you just give me a new one?

Chak: No, Mordin took them all to work on a device to translate Collecter speech

Shep: Great so how long until you get a new batch?

Chak: Probaly won't be long, I just put in the order. So let's say.......twelve hours

Shep: Twelve hours??....fine I'll make due until then

(Shepard exits the med-bay, Garrus walks up to him)

Gar: *Clicking insect noises*

Shep: Uhh what

Gar: *Exasperated clicking*

Shep: My translators busted, I don't understand

Gar: *Humored clicks followed by rasping clicking laugh*

Shep: *Wide eyed* Ooookay *Backs away*
-------------------------------------------
Kelly: Shepard, Grunt is pacing around in the cargo hold, you better go talk to him

Shep: But my translators broken, I wouldn't have a clue what he's saying

Kel: But he'll only listen to you! you could at least try

Shep: Okay....

(Cargo hold)

Grunt: *Deep, slow language punctuated by grunts and groans* *Punches wall*

Shep:*Frightened* Uh-huh, and how does that make you feel?

Grunt: *Angry, picks up rifle and crushes it with his hands*

Shep: Well maybe if you look into yourself, you'll find peace

Grunt: *Contemplative, nods and sits down*

Shep: I'm glad we had this talk, I should go
------------------------------------------------------------------
(Shepard walking down hallway, passes by Thane)
Thane: *high pitched, croaking language. gestures to Mess Sergant Garner*

Shep: something wrong with Garner?

Thane: *Formal, long speech*

Shep: Do you want me to hurt him?

Thane: *Shocked, shakes head*

Shep: So what's the problem?

Thane: *annoyed, sudden memory lapse follwed by loud yelps*

Shep: *Mouth open* What the f**k.....
-------------------------------------------
(Shepard passes by Samara's room, she is undressing, unaware the door is open)
Shep: Well helloooo

Sam: *Deep, raspy voice with complicated language, shocked*

Shep:.........

Sam: *pauses,enticed, gestures to bed*

Shep....no thanks
----------------------------------------------
(Shepard runs to the lounge)
Shep: I need a drink *Sees Kasumi* Thank god, a human

Kas:間違ってシェップは何ですか？

Shep: Give me a break.....

(Jacob walks in)

Jaco:Hoe gaan dit Commander?

Shep: That doesn't even make sense!!

[Dean_the_Young]

Assasin4Hire wrote...

(Jacob walks in)

Jaco:Hoe gaan dit Commander?

Shep: That doesn't even make sense!!

You know what this needed? An epilogue scene in which Jacob was just trolling him.

[Sandbox47]

@Assasin4Hire

Ahah, I can't stop laughing. That was probably the best one I've seen so far.

[Dean_the_Young]

You wound me, Sandbox.

[ZachForrest]

Garrus and Shepard drinking again.

-Just got a message from my sister in law

-I didn't know you had a brother

-I don't...he dropped dead.

-Christ. Gin? How come i never met him?

-You did. You duffed him up.

-Had I been on the scotch?

-We both had. He called you a drunk

-Sorry

-Don't be. I think i joined in at the end

-What did he look like? Cause i remember belting a squat bloke with a ponytail

-Yeah that was this morning. The little deaf girl.

-When's the funeral?

-Last monday. Family didn't want me there.

Modifié par ZachForrest, 29 janvier 2011 - 11:38 .

[Sandbox47]

@Dean

Naw, don't be like that! I didn't mean that it was the only good one. You are still my idol personage guy. And here is a chance to live up to my expectations of you! Haha... I don't think that that's very inspiring... is it?

[ADLegend21]

One day on the normandy....



Shep: guys I havn't seen Legion or Grunt all day.

Garrus: of they're in the main battery, Legion was explaining the ins and outs of the guns to grunt while I was on break.

Shep: oh okay....wait a minute.





Grunt: Alright robot, do it!"

Legion: as you wish, Grunt-Urdnot *legion hits a few keys on the terminal*

Shepard*bursts trhough door* Legion,don't fire!

Legion: Commands have been put in shepard Commander, they are irreversable.



*Grunt is fired from the main gun down to earths moon*



Grunt: THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*grunt colldies with moon and creates a fresh crater.

Garrus: O_O

Legion:O_O

Shepard: hmm...firingin a Krogan out of a Thanix cannon....you might be on to something Legion.

[volus4life]

Fromyou wrote...

challenge: garrus finishes his calibrations

fem shep: hey garrus, you got a minute?

garrus (looks up from penis pump): can it wait? i'm in the middle of extending my reach right now.

fem shep (drops down into splits): fine, i'll work on my flexibility then.

[xlavaina]

Sandbox47 wrote...

@Assasin4Hire
Ahah, I can't stop laughing. That was probably the best one I've seen so far.

Yeah lol Assassin that was good. But I LOVED the one with Jack Sparrow in it. That was absolutely priceless. 

[ADLegend21]

Fromyou wrote...

challenge: garrus finishes his calibrations

Challenge ACCEPTED!

Garrus:alright, tweak the targetting matrix .03 mHz....Up the stablizer density .005%...that should be enough for today.
Shep: Finally!
Garrus: Ah! Shepard were you jsut standingthere the whole time?
Shep: of course I wasn't, I had EDI monitor you and to alert me when you were near the endof your "calibrations". Now that you're done we can finally talk.
Garrus:alright,what about?
Shep: really? that's your opening Vakarian?
Garrus: well when the savior of the Galaxy puts you on the spot, you don't really have much to thnk about.
Shep: come on,you've gotta ahve somethign in mind, especially with the crew we have.
Garrus: well...Honestly, I'm wondering where we stand.
Shep: how so?
Garrus: well when I came aboard and you told me you didn't trust Cerberus, I knew you'd need me to watch your back, but your XO is Cerberus's top officer and she's constantly sending reports back to TIM, so I'm not quite sure you hate Cerberus as much as you think.
Shep: Well Garrus,I'mnot sure how to answer you, other than the fact that with her in place as XPO it puts the majority of the crew at ease. I knew Jack had a problem with her,but I never expected you to hold a grudge.
Garrus: it's not a grudge,it's just...I thought when you picked me up for this mission it'd be to ahve someone in place from your old team to get everyone on the new one to fall in line and buy in.
Shep: Garrus I don't think you know but everyone on this crew bought in before I was brought back to life. Most of them are former alliance soldiers who jumped ship to cerberus when the alliance and council backslid on the reapers and Cerberus was rumored to be continuing on the path a set when we went after Saren. Miranda brought me back to life and in repayment she's my XO. despite opinions of her, she's a damn fine soldier and task manager.
Garrus: Alright, I understand. Thank you for the Clarification. *turns back to console*
Shep: Garrus.
Garrus: yeah?
Shep: you're welcome to lead one of the armiesI'm gathering in preparationfor the reaper war. I think the Turians would love to have a leader who helped me stop Saren and wipe out the collectors. *leaves Main Battery*

[ZachForrest]

Garrus and Shepard.

-How's that Ashley bird?

-Not seen her in years have I? I fell into space

-We saw her the other day, after we killed all them insects

-Was that real?

-I think so, we'd both been on the port again mind.

-I said it was too hot for port.

-You did. It was.

-I remember hugging this bloke with long hair

-That was her.

-I thought i left her with that bomb that frog had

-That was that gay fella.

-That was a shame

-You said you were glad he was dead last week

-I forgot it was me what killed him

-More port?

-Yeah

Modifié par ZachForrest, 30 janvier 2011 - 07:19 .

[ZachForrest]

haha, thanks.

port is strong, fruity wine. nice with cheese.

it's a bit of a killer though

Modifié par ZachForrest, 30 janvier 2011 - 07:18 .

[BlackwindTheCommander]

Got this idea from my post in the I want Urz in ME3 thread.



Shepard walks into his room.



Urz: *grumble yawn*



Shepard: Urz... Are you on the bed again?



Urz: Rawrgh? >.>



Shepard: Hmph, oddly enough I don't care. *Scratches Urz's stomach*



Urz: RrrrRrrrrr ^.^



Shepard: Ok off the bed now. Liara's stopping by and you know how she feels about Varren. Feros.



Urz: *grumbles his agreement and rolls off the bed*



Shepard as Urz leaves: Don't get into too much trouble now.



Later that day.



Mess Sergeant Gardner: Shepard, you have to do something about that damn Varren. Hes been sneaking food again.



Urz: -.- Growl...



Shepard: Urz, you know the rules. *Under his breath* Only when I drop it off my plate. *wink*



Urz: Huhuhuh



Shepard: Don't worry Gardner, its all taken care off... Mostly.



Gardner: Uh huh. Right Commander...