1554 réponses à ce sujet

[Orion1836]

Shepard on the Citadel News Network: Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.

[lovgreno]

sporeian wrote...

Shepard: I'd like you all to me my dance instructer... THE TECHNO TURIAN!!!
Techno Turian: SHAKE IT EVERBODY!
*Ship erupts into one enormous party*
*later*
Shepard: *crying* I think I have a hernia! ahhhhhhhhh!

......little bit of hollywood news in there.

I would pay a little too much for a dancing turian DLC.

[STG]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Commander Shepard to Issue Statement on the Afterlife Tomorrow

Commander Shepard, the first Human Spectre, will be returning to the galactic news cycle tomorrow on his own terms. Plagued by recent rumors of association with terrorists after being declared MIA/KIA two years ago, as well as reports of acts across the Terminus. Multiple Citadel News Network offices received word that the Commander will release a taped broadcast, which sources say include a reflection on his own experiences of the Afterlife. Various scientific experts are already fiercly debating whether such a return from the grave is even possible, and if so if it would even prove anything, while a number of religious groups are already issuing prepatory statements in response.

Shepard: Yes afterlife was pretty sweet. You have dancing asari everywhere, free booze, owner is an ex asari commando, what more could you want? I got to meet some old faces like Fist and Helena... oh and then they poisoned me. I guess even in afterlife one isn't completely safe. Oh did I mention VIP area? Yeah stay out of that one, trust me.

[Harmless Crunch]

TIM: You must know this Shepard if you kill harbinger the essence of his soul will go into you causing you to explode into a bunch of glowing light.
Shepard: And that will make me die ?
TIM: Yes
Shepard: Sh*t
TIM: But I have a way out, a loop in your hole, lay with me tonight and from our joining we shall create a child with the soul of Harbinger locked inside it.
Shepard: *Sigh* Fine
(Next Day)
Shepard: Holy crap! Jacob you killed Harbinger
Jacob: So ?
Shepard: That means you're going to die!
Jacob: Really I can't feel any difference ?
Shepard: Wait so I did it with the Illusive man for nothing *ANGRY FACE*

Cookies to those who get the refrence:D

Modifié par Harmless Crunch, 06 février 2011 - 08:23 .

[ThatGamerWithSouvlaki285]

Harmless Crunch wrote...

TIM: You must know this Shepard
if you kill harbinger the essence of his soul will go into you causing
you to explode into a bunch of glowing light.
Shepard: And that will make me die ?
TIM: Yes
Shepard: Sh*t
TIM:
But I have a way out, a loop in your hole, lay with me tonight and from
our joining we shall create a child with the soul of Harbinger locked
inside it.
Shepard: *Sigh* Fine
(Next Day)
Shepard: Holy crap! Jacob you killed Harbinger
Jacob: So ?
Shepard: That means you're going to die!
Jacob: Really I can't feel any difference ?
Shepard: Wait so I did it with the Illusive man for nothing *ANGRY FACE*

Cookies to those who get the refrence[smilie]../../../images/forum/emoticons/grin.png[/smilie]

I got the refrence where are my cookies!? Great banter made me laugh a lot. Poor shepard. I personally would see my shepard dead before I let her (or him?!) go at it with TIM.

Modifié par steph285, 06 février 2011 - 12:06 .

[SandTrout]

Grunt on Earth: So this is your homeworld, Shepard. Reminds me of Tchuchanka.

[Dean_the_Young]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Commander Shepard to Issue Statement on the Afterlife Tomorrow

Commander Shepard, the first Human Spectre, will be returning to the galactic news cycle tomorrow on his own terms. Plagued by recent rumors of association with terrorists after being declared MIA/KIA two years ago, as well as reports of acts across the Terminus. Multiple Citadel News Network offices received word that the Commander will release a taped broadcast, which sources say include a reflection on his own experiences of the Afterlife. Various scientific experts are already fiercly debating whether such a return from the grave is even possible, and if so if it would even prove anything, while a number of religious groups are already issuing prepatory statements in response.

I was Dead, and God is a Bunch of Humans, Says Commander Shepard

Dropping a scientific and theological bombshell across the galactic community, Commander Shepard revealed the nature of his mysterious disappearance two years ago. Providing proof of his innanimate state over a period of two years, Commander Shepard also provided evidence he was procured and used as the first test subject for the Sirta Foundation's revolutionary Lazarus process, more prominently known for restoring USNA President Huerta back to life last year (See Ford vs. Huerta articles). Commander Shepard recounted parts of his time on the other side, including being reunited with dead freinds and even seeing some foes. On the nature of divinity, Commander Shepard had this to say: "On the other side, I saw a lot of people, and a lot of aliens. Some I knew: many I didn't. It was like an infinite expanse of paper, with identities and essences just stamped on, forever. But above it all, I could sense it, sense them: our creators, the ones who put us down on that paper with a brush stroke and pen. Not a single identity, but a group of people: a group of humans, some old, some young, some male, some female. No aliens were among them, though they referred to the Citadel species, and to other species, as if musing on our future. When they referred to themselves, not as indiduals but as a group, they called themselves... Bioware."

[ThatGamerWithSouvlaki285]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Commander Shepard to Issue Statement on the Afterlife Tomorrow

Commander Shepard, the first Human Spectre, will be returning to the galactic news cycle tomorrow on his own terms. Plagued by recent rumors of association with terrorists after being declared MIA/KIA two years ago, as well as reports of acts across the Terminus. Multiple Citadel News Network offices received word that the Commander will release a taped broadcast, which sources say include a reflection on his own experiences of the Afterlife. Various scientific experts are already fiercly debating whether such a return from the grave is even possible, and if so if it would even prove anything, while a number of religious groups are already issuing prepatory statements in response.

I was Dead, and God is a Bunch of Humans, Says Commander Shepard

Dropping a scientific and theological bombshell across the galactic community, Commander Shepard revealed the nature of his mysterious disappearance two years ago. Providing proof of his innanimate state over a period of two years, Commander Shepard also provided evidence he was procured and used as the first test subject for the Sirta Foundation's revolutionary Lazarus process, more prominently known for restoring USNA President Huerta back to life last year (See Ford vs. Huerta articles). Commander Shepard recounted parts of his time on the other side, including being reunited with dead freinds and even seeing some foes. On the nature of divinity, Commander Shepard had this to say: "On the other side, I saw a lot of people, and a lot of aliens. Some I knew: many I didn't. It was like an infinite expanse of paper, with identities and essences just stamped on, forever. But above it all, I could sense it, sense them: our creators, the ones who put us down on that paper with a brush stroke and pen. Not a single identity, but a group of people: a group of humans, some old, some young, some male, some female. No aliens were among them, though they referred to the Citadel species, and to other species, as if musing on our future. When they referred to themselves, not as indiduals but as a group, they called themselves... Bioware."

All praise the Pantheon of Bioware and of their prophet Shepard!!
Great piece of writting, Dean.

Modifié par steph285, 06 février 2011 - 12:03 .

[Aolbain]

Harmless Crunch wrote...

TIM: You must know this Shepard if you kill harbinger the essence of his soul will go into you causing you to explode into a bunch of glowing light.
Shepard: And that will make me die ?
TIM: Yes
Shepard: Sh*t
TIM: But I have a way out, a loop in your hole, lay with me tonight and from our joining we shall create a child with the soul of Harbinger locked inside it.
Shepard: *Sigh* Fine
(Next Day)
Shepard: Holy crap! Jacob you killed Harbinger
Jacob: So ?
Shepard: That means you're going to die!
Jacob: Really I can't feel any difference ?
Shepard: Wait so I did it with the Illusive man for nothing *ANGRY FACE*

Cookies to those who get the refrence:D

1 internet for you my good ser(not misspelled, just another da refferenc)

Modifié par Aolbain, 06 février 2011 - 12:15 .

[Harmless Crunch]

Ok here are your cookies *Hand's out cookies to steph285 & Aolbain*

Thanks I always like DA & ME crossovers so I may do more in the future !

[Sandbox47]

Shep: Crew... There is something we need to discuss.

Miranda: What is it Shepard?

Shep: I've mentioned this before and even so, I'm sure that you know. We are facing the Reapers-...

Jacob: It's not about rum again, is it?

Shep: No, that was another sketch, shut up.

Jacob: Sorry.

Shep: We are facing a threat that wiped out the Protheans. We are facing a threat that is greater than any we have faced before. Or, it's on a larger scale at the very least.

Joker: I had a thought about that, commander.

Shep: Yes?

Joker: Why don't we travel to other galaxies and see if we can find help there?

Shep: ... Because we don't have a hyperd-drive.

Joker: What? That's stargate. Or star trek. I don't know anymore...

Shep: Will you all shut up? I have something important to say.

Jacob: This is going to end with you cautioning us against too much alcohol, right? To be policially correct?

Shep: ... How did you know?

Jacob: The cameras and lack of aliens is a give-away.

________________________________________________________________________________



Shep: People of Earth!

PoE: What?

Shep: I have a message for you!

PoE: We're listening.

Shep: I... who's answering me?

PoE: People of Earth, you dimwit.

Shep: All of them?

PoE: ... Yea.

Shep: Oh... well, alright. I have a message for you-...

PoE: A massage?

Shep: A message, god damn it!

PoE: You've said that already! Get on with the message!

Shep: *to Joker* See, this is why I never do public speeches. Too many people have too little to say.

________________________________________________________________________________



Shep: No one is listening to me nowadays.

Garrus: That's not true.

Shep: No, I think that my authority doesn't impress them anymore. Now that we are waiting for the Reapers, with no one to fight-...

Garrus: We just returned from killing thresher maws with our bare hands.

Shep: Yeah. Stupid ammo, keeps running out. But that's dull, you know? They've been through things. They've seen things that they'd like to forget.

Garrus: So have you.

Shep: Which makes me the nuttiest of us all, doesn't it?

Garrus: Exactly.

Shep: Good.

Garrus: And the authority issue?

Shep: *thinks* I'll go and force some of them to go and fight the Alliance, let's see how that goes.

________________________________________________________________________________



Reader: You know, I don't get you.

Sandbox: This... isn't related to party banter.

Reader: Yeah, it is. You keep spaming this thread after all.

Sandbox: I'm not... I think.

Reader: Your humour gets close to exciting and then fails at the end.

Sanbox: So what do you want from me?

Reader: A cow.

Sandbox: ... a cow?

Reader: Yes.

Sandbox: Why a cow? Why not a unicorn or a goat?

Reader: I want to see what Garrus's rifle does with it.

Sandbox: That's it. You are banned from this thread.

Reader: What, you're gonna stop the readers from this thread? All of them?

Sandbox: No. I'm going to... alright, fine I can't win. Happy?

Reader: Where's my cow?

Sandbox: This is getting bizarre and lenghty.

Reader: Then stop writing.

Sandbox: Why? I'm too tired.

Reader: O_o You're too tired to stop?

Sandbox: Don't question me. Now I'm going to let this sketch die at the bottom of the climax.

_______________________________________________________________________________



Grunt: Battlemaster.

Shep: Alright, let's get one things straight here. I'm a woman.

Grunt: I know.

Shep: I am a battle*mistress*.

Grunt: What's the difference?

Shep: I get to use a ruler and wear foxy uniforms.

Grunt: ... why?

Shep: Because... Yeah, fine. Battlemaster it is.

[ADLegend21]

Sandbox47 wrote...


Grunt: Battlemaster.
Shep: Alright, let's get one things straight here. I'm a woman.
Grunt: I know.
Shep: I am a battle*mistress*.
Grunt: What's the difference?
Shep: I get to use a ruler and wear foxy uniforms.
Grunt: ... why?
Shep: Because... Yeah, fine. Battlemaster it is.

I'd be interested in seeing this actually.

[Lance Gardner]

It would be great (but unlikely) to see a huge collection of inter-party banter make it into the game as DLC.

[DragonFire6464]

Still some of it would be nice.

[ADLegend21]

Wrex: Shepard, we need to talk.

FShepard: ah!! Wrex how'd you get aboard? I'm in the middle of something! *is shielding Miranda from him*

Wrex: Joker let me on- is that the woman you brought on Grunts rite?

Shep: yeah....

Wrex: Good, you know that breeding request you got?

Shep: yeah.

Wrex: it was from me, Miranda's as well.

Shepard: So...you want in? o.O

Wrex: you bet your Maw killing ass I do.

[sporeian]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Commander Shepard to Issue Statement on the Afterlife Tomorrow

Commander Shepard, the first Human Spectre, will be returning to the galactic news cycle tomorrow on his own terms. Plagued by recent rumors of association with terrorists after being declared MIA/KIA two years ago, as well as reports of acts across the Terminus. Multiple Citadel News Network offices received word that the Commander will release a taped broadcast, which sources say include a reflection on his own experiences of the Afterlife. Various scientific experts are already fiercly debating whether such a return from the grave is even possible, and if so if it would even prove anything, while a number of religious groups are already issuing prepatory statements in response.

Shepard's Offical Statement on The Afterlife!

I was in a wonderful place filled with fire and brimstone, and there were all these guys in red pajamas sticking pitchforks in my butt!

cookie for the reference!

[A2N2T]

All are in the mess.

Shepard: I'm glad you all could make it.
Zaeed: Why the hell are we here Shepard?
Shepard: I'm glad you asked Zaeed. See, it has been brought to my attention...
Garrus: Oh no. Not again.
Tali: Please Shepard, don't tell me that this meeting is going to be like the last one.
Shepard: What was wrong with our meeting? I thought it was rather productive.
Jack: It was ****ing waste of time. That's what it was. ****.
Shepard: Now, come on guys. I would only call this meeting if I had to.
Jacob: You said that about the last one too Commander.
Miranda: Do you even remember how the last meeting went, Shepard?
Shepard: Honestly, no.
Miranda: Well, fortunately, or unfortunately, EDI caught on a vid. EDI?
EDI: Of course. (Plays vid)

On the vid

Shepard: It has been brought to my attention that certain members of the crew have been complaining about the dress code I put in place a few weeks ago.
Jack: B***hing is more like it.
Shepard: Yes. Anyway. It seems that my reasoning has been placed under attack. So I am going to give my explanation.
Zaeed: This should be good.
Shepard: Yes. Now, all crew that have non-combat duties, like Joker, must wear the standard Cerberus uniform.
Kasumi: We know this.
Shepard: Yes. Crew that have combat duties must wear pre-approved amour. Pre-approved by me. Now, all male crew must wear their approved battle amour except for Jacob and Thane. Jacob because I never him with me, and Thane because of his disease.
Garrus: We know this already Shepard.
Shepard: Yes. Now onto our female crew.
Miranda: Oh God.
Shepard: Miranda must her cat-suits, Samara must wear her current uniform, and Jack must wear her belt across her chest so that I may appear to be some kind of player to others. (Miranda, Samara, and Jack begin to protest) Kasumi must wear what she brought with her to remain stealthy, and also because due to budget cuts we cannot afford her anything else.
Tali: What about me?
Shepard: What about you? If you wear anything other than your enviro-suit, you'll die.
Tali:...
Shepard: That is all. Return to your duties. Jack, meet me...

Vid ends.

Jack: That's enough of that ****.
Kasumi: Shepard, that meeting was a complete waste of time.
Shepard: Yes. Well, this meeting was going to be different.
Jacob: How, Commander?
Shepard: Well, I was going to inform everyone that, since we have recently defeated the Collectors, we were all going to be having some time for R&R.
Jacob: What do you mean?
Shepard: I mean that everyone was going to have little vacation for about two weeks. But now, since everyone threw such a fit about this meeting, we are all going to participate in the Skyllian Gauntlet.
Garrus: What is that?
Tali: Do we really want to know?
Shepard: Do you remember Pinnacle Station? (Garrus nods his head) Well, it's like that except that it is a 1000 times worse and has real enemies.
All:... >{ <--- (This is a mad face)
Shepard: I'm joking. We are still going to have a vacation.
All: That's not funny.
EDI: I thought it was funny.
Legion: We have reached a consensus that Shepard Commander's joke is indeed what you organics consider to be humorous.
Shepard: Well, I guess that was a bad joke. OK. Crew, return to duties. Jack, meet me...
Jack: Shut the **** up Shepard! I'll be there in a hour.

Modifié par A2N2T, 08 février 2011 - 02:57 .

[James2912]

New challenge! male Shepard walks in on Liara and TIM doing the dirty at the Shadowbroker base and Liara is you LI!

[Hk47sPappy]

(Shepard and Garrus are preparing for a mission, Shepard is wearing the Sentry Interface.)
Garrus: Shepard?
Shepard: Yes?
Garrus: Do you really need to wear that?
Shepard: It increases my shields by 5%.
Garrus: Well it's just... Jack has her nudity thing, Thane has his jacket... I've always been the visor guy. You know, it's just my thing.
Shepard: Don't worry about it.
(Grunt walks up wearing the outfit from Alternate Appearance Pack 2)
Grunt: You all ready for battle?
Garrus: (Hangs head) God damn it.

Challenge: In-game explanations for AAP2

Modifié par Hk47sPappy, 08 février 2011 - 03:22 .

[Shadow_Soul]

-Legion walks up to Shepard-

Shep: Legion, what may I do for you?

Legion: Shepard-meatbag, we would like to-

Shep: Wait a second, did you just call me a meatbag.

Legion: Correct.

Shep: Legion, have you been playing KotOR again?

Legion: No we have not.

Shep: Oh? Then why did you call me that? Sounds like HK-47...

Legion: Alright we have been playing it.

-Legion walks off and Shep sighs then walks the other way-

[ADLegend21]

James2912 wrote...

New challenge! male Shepard walks in on Liara and TIM doing the dirty at the Shadowbroker base and Liara is you LI!

Challenge ACCEPTED!

Shep: hey Liara, I'm here for that iridium shipmet-WHAT THE **** IS THIS?!
Liara: OH Jack! OH JACK!- Shepard? I-I wasn't expecting you! *covers up*
Shep: Liara, how could you?! With him of all people!
TIM: Just doing my part for Humanity Shepard. *puff from cigar*
Shep: by screwing my girlfriend?! I'll kill you *biotic flare*
Liara: Stop! it's true. He wanted to strike a deal, and I wasn't sure I could trust him, so...I merged our minds to see his intentions and...I couldn't help myself, it was so glorious. the things he's experienced, I jsut had to do it again, and again.
TIM: same for me, I now know what you know about the reapers and the protheans. *says somehting in prothean to Liara*
Liara: oh stop, you *blush*
Shep: but...but..
TIM: It had to be done Shepard, for the galaxy.
Shepard: *seething* Stay right there *leaves then returns with Tali*
Liara: what are you doing?
Shep: you mean who *takes Tali's mask off, facing away from Liara, and starts making out.*
Liara: I will flay you alive!
Shep: do it! *continues to makeout with Tali*
Liara: that's it! *uses biotics to throw Tali into wall*
Shepard:*uses Biotics to throw Tim into a wall*
*instense stair down*
Shep: so did you get the location of all his stuff?
Liara: yep, all of it, I'll send oyu the coordinates.
TIM: What?
Liara: you just got played ****!

[Romaneck]

Hmmmm well lets see if I had to use such thing as a challenge it would be...



Sheppard dies at the suicide and someone besides joker who did survive has to report to T.I.M.



Touching the subject of whether it was kept or blown up is encouraged as well

[ADLegend21]

Romaneck wrote...

Hmmmm well lets see if I had to use such thing as a challenge it would be...

Sheppard dies at the suicide and someone besides joker who did survive has to report to T.I.M.

Touching the subject of whether it was kept or blown up is encouraged as well

*NPH voice* Challenge ACCEPTED!

TIM: Shepard,you cost me-Jacob?
Jacob: yeah Shepard died. couldn't hold on to the threshold of the airlock. Before she died she patche dher comm into the intercom and congratulated us.
TIM: How noble.
Jacob: yeah Noble, she gave her life TWICE for this damn Galaxy, and you were just gonna sit here and **** about some damn base. She was the only one who didn't make it, and told us to leave her behind so we could live. We also took a vote. you're ass is next.
TIM: Says who?
Miranda: Me. Shepard died, and she left me in charge and I won't let her down. We'll see you in 5 hours. *cuts link*
TIM:....crap

[James2912]

ADLegend21 wrote...

James2912 wrote...

New challenge! male Shepard walks in on Liara and TIM doing the dirty at the Shadowbroker base and Liara is you LI!

Challenge ACCEPTED!

Shep: hey Liara, I'm here for that iridium shipmet-WHAT THE **** IS THIS?!
Liara: OH Jack! OH JACK!- Shepard? I-I wasn't expecting you! *covers up*
Shep: Liara, how could you?! With him of all people!
TIM: Just doing my part for Humanity Shepard. *puff from cigar*
Shep: by screwing my girlfriend?! I'll kill you *biotic flare*
Liara: Stop! it's true. He wanted to strike a deal, and I wasn't sure I could trust him, so...I merged our minds to see his intentions and...I couldn't help myself, it was so glorious. the things he's experienced, I jsut had to do it again, and again.
TIM: same for me, I now know what you know about the reapers and the protheans. *says somehting in prothean to Liara*
Liara: oh stop, you *blush*
Shep: but...but..
TIM: It had to be done Shepard, for the galaxy.
Shepard: *seething* Stay right there *leaves then returns with Tali*
Liara: what are you doing?
Shep: you mean who *takes Tali's mask off, facing away from Liara, and starts making out.*
Liara: I will flay you alive!
Shep: do it! *continues to makeout with Tali*
Liara: that's it! *uses biotics to throw Tali into wall*
Shepard:*uses Biotics to throw Tim into a wall*
*instense stair down*
Shep: so did you get the location of all his stuff?
Liara: yep, all of it, I'll send oyu the coordinates.
TIM: What?
Liara: you just got played ****!

ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!

[ADLegend21]

come on people post stuff!!!



Garrus:no one cares what we say anyway

Shep: shut up and calibrate the gun!

Garrus: oh now you want tme to calibrate.