1554 réponses à ce sujet

[ADLegend21]

sporeian wrote...

I Issue a Challenge!

Sexual Harassment Seminar on The Normandy. GO!

 Challenge ACCEPTED.

FShep: I brought you all here to day to talk about a very importnt issue.
Miranda: the collectors?
Garrus: The reapers?
shep: no. Sexual Harrassment.
Jack: **** this.
 Shep: I've seen it all around the ship and it sickens me. Kasumi you can't keep yourself out of the armory to save your life, all jsut so you can watch Jacob working out.
Kasumi: *turns to Jacob*
Jacob:
Shep: Jack, you can't stay away from Miranda, and I think you secretly want to get in her jump suit.
Miranda: that doesn't suprise me in the least.
Jack: **** you cheerleader.
Miranda: I bet you want to.
Shep: Grunt, you keep staring at Samara's breasts, so I'm guessing you're still going through that Krogan puberty.
Grunt: but they're just out there, they're even better than yours battle master!
Shep: *smacks grunt* bad Krogan, we do not compare women's breasts to each other. Go to your tank!
Grunt: but-
Shep: *flares biotics* NOW!
Grunt: *grumbles*
Shep:Samara you can't keep your eyes above Thane's waist.
Samara: *paragon stare*
Shep: don't give me that look, you know you stare at his crotch alot. Miranda, you spend alot of time with Garrus, but since you're so Icy i think you're just trying to freeze him to death.
Miranda: what?
Garrus: I told you women find scars attractive Shepard.
Shep: Still not interested Garrus.
Garrus:
Shep:Tali, you keep downloading human porn movies to your helmet from the extranet, so I'm not sure what you're planning, but if it's sexual stop it.
Tali: but...but....
Shep: Zaeed, you don't even care do you?
Zaeed: not a guddamn bit.
Shep: good, you're ugly anyway. The only one that hasn't done anything yet is Mordin, good job.
mordin: thank you, no need to harrass anyone, seen you all naked before, nothing to speculate.
Shep: wait, even Tali?!
Mordin: of course, gave her suit some upgrades, Miss Zorah beautiful depsite being enclosed in suit for entire life.
Tali: Thank you Mordin.

[ADLegend21]

Fromyou wrote...

challenge: bring you child to work day on the normandy

challenge ACCEPTED.

*Shepard riding down to the CIC in the elevator*
Shep: *walks out of elevator* what the hell?! *sees people who aren't on the crew on the ship*
EDI: Commander, to day is "take your offspring to work" day and the crew is celebrating it.
Shep: how the hell did they get on the ship?
EDI: we docked while you were asleep.
Shep: great.
Kolyat: Hey Shepard.
Shep: hey Kolyat....
Oriana: OMG it's Shepard!
Shep: Oriana? but you're not Miranda's daughter.
Oriana: no, but she brought me on anyway,is that the galaxy map?!
Shep: okay this is too much *goes down to the crew deck*
Random Asari: you must be Shepard.
Shep: and who are you?
Rila: I am Rila, one of Samara's daughters. do not Worry I am not like my sister.
Shep: alright, thanks for telling me that.
Rila: Mom you were right, she is hot.
Shep:wha?
small Geth: *random Geth noises*
Shep: Legion?
Legion: Shepard-Commander?
Shep: is this...your child?
Legion: Yes. We have named him Junior.
Shep:......Who's the mother?
Legion:....no Data available.
Small Geth: *random geth nosies and hugs Shepard's leg*
Shep:.....

[swenson]

 A baby geth?? That sounds adorable! <3

...I am totally not a stereotypical girl, I swear.

[Fromyou]

For my previous challenge I mean bring your young children to work day

[ADLegend21]

*continuation of my Tali Jacob post*
Tali: So Jacob, why did you join cerberus. Shepard told me you have the strongest moral compass on the ship.
Jacob: Well I got tired of politicians holding back progress, and Cerberus saw my talents and gave me a try out missions, saved the council from a batarian assasination attempt with Miranda. They told me they needed me to protect the team that was bringing back Commander Shepard and I said yes.
Tali: you saved the council too?
Jacob: Yeah. No one knew because the real stories never goes public.
Tali:that's a shame it sounds like you're the exception to the Cerberus stereotype.
Jacob: you could say that, I've gotta say I'm glad you've given me a better look after our first meeting.
Tali: I'm glad I did too. see you later Jacob. *leave the armory*...

[Cra5y Pineapple]

Blze001 wrote...

TIM: In order to combat this threat, you and your team will have to journey through the Omega 4 relay. No ship has ever returned safely from doing so. The IFF will increase your odds, but we have no idea what is waiting on the other side.

Shepard: To borrow the words of the wise philosopher Clarksonius, 21st century AD, "How hard can it be?"

TOP GEAR REFERENCES! *nerdgasms*

Garrus: So Shepard what do you think of the new Hammerhead?
Shepard: The Hammerhead is the new fighting vehicle from the company that brought you the Mako, but bear with us, as the Hammerhead has 300 horsepower and superb steering unlike it's cumbersome counterpart. The speed is also a massive improvement making the Mako seems simply small under the mightiness of the Hammerhead. At 500MPH the Hammerhead is many times faster than it's predecursor. However, there are some flaws, including the lack of sufficent firepower and it has the worst armour.....................................................................in the world.
Garrus: ....
Shepard: However, it's jets have been incredibly improved, giving it an all new boost of POOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
Garrus: Stop.

Modifié par Cra5y Pineapple, 14 février 2011 - 01:10 .

[Adugan]

Liara: Shepard, you have to choose. Me or Ashley.

-I am sorry, Ash
-I am sorry, Liara
-Can't I have both?

Shepard: Why do i have to choose?

*Bow chika wow-wow*

[Binary Boy]

Shepard Wrex and Grunt enter the Normandy CIC at the same time.

Shepard: Grunt
Wrex: Shepard
Shepard: Wrex
Grunt: Shepard
Wrex: Grunt
Shepard: Wrex
Grunt: Shepard
Wrex: Grunt
Shepard: Wrex
.
.
.
EDI: Infinite Loop detected, Professor Solus notified
Mordin Solus: Infinite loop dangerous, risk outburst, maybe starvation, perhaps death, old age if lucky, *sniffs* highly problematic.
EDI: What are your orders Professor?
Mordin Solus: Vent atmosphere in CIC, move onto next problem with great excitement.

Modifié par Binary Boy, 14 février 2011 - 02:14 .

[James2912]

ADlegend awesome job as always!

Modifié par James2912, 14 février 2011 - 02:27 .

[DJ CAVE SLAVE]

*Liara and Shepard getting it on in his cabin*

*Legion walks in*

Legion: "Shepard-Commander"

Shep: "What Legion?"

Legion: "We have an inquiry"

Shep: "What is it? I'm busy"

Legion: "Is T'Soni-Doctor friendly, or hostile?"

Shep: "What? Friendly. Why?"

Legion: "Why is Shepard-Commander attacking an ally?"

Shep: "I'm not..."

Legion: ....

Shep: "There was a hole"

Legion: "Does Shepard-Commander require assistance fixing T'Soni-Doctor's hole?"

Liara: "Yes"

Shep: "What?!?!"

Liara: "I mean no..."

Legion: "We will remain here"

Shep: "GET OUT!"

[Sandbox47]

Udina: We are gathered here to honour the sacrifice mankind made to save the Destiny Ascension. It was a daring act against direct orders form the Council themselves, the smug bastards sitting to my left, for Shepard and her protege to leave the Citadel in order to pursue Saren. I would also remark upon, ah, Counsellor Anderson's remarkable sense of duty and clearsightedness at the time when he knocked me out and allowed for Shepard to escape the Citadel.

Of course, that was almost three years ago now. Today an undead Shepard, new an old members of her crew and an insignia of the Cerberus in grand letters on her ship arrive to ask for our help against the, so called, Reapers. She also asks that we all unite under one banner and one might wonder "which banner" does she really propose that we all unite under? I am known for my work for humanity's standing in the galaxy but even I would never lower myself to work with terrorists like the Cerberus!

And finally, to the special guest tonight. Another member of Shepard's team, as it happens. The Shadow Broker is attending. Please rise Liara T'Soni, let us see you face. The same Shadow Broker that has been pitting governments against each other, corrupting sensible ideas for lucrative purposes and prohibiting the technical advancement of this entire galaxy!

I ask you, people of Citadel space. Humans, turians, asari and salarian. I ask you. Can we trust someone who deals with murderers, terrorists, thieves and even Ardat-Yakshi!



Shep Paragon: Whether you like it or not, unless we unite under me the Reapers will have an easy game to win here. I cannot stop them on my own and you need my help.

Shep Renegade: *headshot Udina* Anyone else has a problem with my authority?

________________________________________________________________________________



Emily Wong: And now for the latest news from the Citadel. An unidentified object has been seen moving across one of the Citadel's arms in a most unpredictable fashion. We have just recieved the report that the object is, in fact, the renowned Commander Shepard, commander of the Normandy and a hero of the Citadel. What might she be up to now? It seems that she is, ah... Really? Well, it seems to me, and I cannot even begin to imagine why or how, but she is preforming the musical "Cats" with what my sources tell me is one of her crew, the former C-Sec officer Garrus Vakarian.

_________________________________________________________________________________



Kasumi: Did you know that they can make a house out of lego?

Legion: *beeping and whistling* I did.

Kasumi: So why can't you guys disguise yourselves into huge lego bots and strike when no one expects you to?

Legion: Strike where, Thief-Kasumi?

Kasumi: Strike... I don't know. Legoland? That would surprise the hell out of the staff.

Legion: For the sake of amusement, dispatching disguised platforms to Legoland on Earth.

Kasumi: Really? Man, this I've gotta see! Legion, here's a bag of corn. Make me popcorn.

_________________________________________________________________________________



Joker: Shepard, did you really headshot Udina?

Shep: Nah, it was just a trick.

Joker: Oh. What did you really do?

Shep: I shot him a few time to the torso as well.

________________________________________________________________________________



Garrus: I am calibratin', go away!

Thane: You are drunk, Garrus.

Garrus: And you smell funny.

Thane: Sit. What happened?

Garrus: I dunno. I was at this thing. This eating thing.

Thane: A restaurant?

Garrus: No. The other thing.

Thane: Diner?

Garrus: Nah, you know that thing where you press button and a guy comes?

Thane: ... A hotel room?

Garrus: Yeah, that the, ah, the thing. The place.

Thane: So what happened?

Garrus: I dropped the damned thing and buttons went sqeacking everywhere. A hundred guys show up. Well I ain't gonna be rude to no robot-...

Thane: *sighs* Sleep it off.

Garrus: I'm calibratin'!

EDI: He is devoted to his task.

Thane: I'd agree if he wasn't pressing the flush button again and again.

_______________________________________________________________________________

[A2N2T]

Fromyou wrote...

For my previous challenge I mean bring your young children to work day

Let's do this!

In Shepard's cabin.

Miranda: Shepard! We have a problem.
Shepard: Did Joker hear Legion hitting on EDI again?
Miranda: What? No. We have a bunch of children in our cargo hold.
Shepard: What? Are you surprised? Today is bring you kid to work day.
Miranda: I know that Shepard; I put it together. But when I was organizing this event, I looked at how many kids each member of the crew has. We should only have 16 kids aboard the Normandy Shepard. Also, the kids are supposed to stay with their parent.
Shepard: Uh-huh.
Miranda: So, why do we have 47 kids sitting around, unattended I might add, in the cargo hold.
Shepard: Because they're mine.
Miranda: What?!
Shepard: Yah. All 47 of them are mine.
Miranda: But, how?
Shepard: Well first of all, your sterile ass didn't help at all. Second, I got around while I was on Earth, what else is there to do in the slums but make babies? I also got around during my military training and during all of the missions. I got 5 gals knocked up while on Elysium.
Miranda: Oh. My. God. Shepard!
Shepard: Also, I think one of them is from my time with Ashley.
Miranda:.... OK. Well, why aren't you with them?
Shepard: Well, if you must know. I was making more.
Miranda: What?
Kelly: (From bathroom) Pssst. Shepard. Is she gone yet? I left my pants next to your bed.
Miranda: *Sigh* I'm leaving.
Shepard: Can you watch'em for me? I know you'd do just fine with'em! (pause) Thanks Miranda!

Modifié par A2N2T, 15 février 2011 - 01:35 .

[ADLegend21]

Valentines day short.



*grunt enters starboard observation deck*

Grunt: *ahem*

Samara: What is it that you need Grunt?

Grunt: well it's the human holiday of Love and I...um....

Samara:.....?

Grunt: here, battlemaster said women like pretty things so I got you this on tuchanka?

Samara: grunt if it is s carcass I do not think *turns around to see an enourmous, and shiny, diamond in grunts hands* my goodness....

Grunt: do you like it?

Samara: it is very beautiful, but if you have brought tis object as a means to mate with me, your efforts have failed.

Grunt: Dammit. yous aid giving her a diamond would work thief!

Kasumi: thems the breaks Grunt....I'll just take that back *Kasumi takes diamond back and cloaks into her quarters*

[Orion1836]

Emily Wong:

This is Emily Wong reporting from a GNN shuttle currently above the Presidium. Mere minutes ago, another massive ship similar to the Geth prototype that almost wiped out the Council two years ago made a run on the Citadel. Amazingly, instead of taking any kind of hostile action, this ship merely broke through the defense fleet, shrugging of all attacks, and parked right in front of the Council Chambers. I've been told no one has been hurt, and that the ship is just sitting there, as if waiting for something.

Wait...no... can you see if... oh, there we go! Ladies and Gentlemen, a huge mass effect field has been erected. It's visible, and it looks like... it kind of looks like an advertising billboard. Oh my, it looks like words are starting to appear... what's it say?

"Velarn:
Dismiss this.
-Shepard"

Modifié par Orion1836, 15 février 2011 - 04:21 .

[Sajuro]

Crew confronts shepard about the porn Tali found in his room.

-Shepard comes in to see all squadmates except Zaeed sitting around the table in the briefing room-

Shepard: Where's the cake?

Tali: Shepard, there is no cake, this is an intervention.

Shepard: Wait, is this about all of that red sand? I'm totally holding that for Liara

Tali: No, wait, you do red sand?

Shepard: not that you know of

Samara: Shepard, we are here about the porn magazines Tali found in your quarters.

Shepard: Everyone reads my fornax! I found Thane up there on thursday, right thane? -sees thane is in the middle of flashback- you get the idea.

Samara: This isn't about the Fornax, this is about the more illicit materials.

Shepard: I don't know what you are talking abou -Samara tosses out copy of "Elcor Fever"- that has good articles -Samara tosses copy of "Salarians who love Asari who love Turians who love Hanar"- I totally don't know where that came from -Samara tosses out a copy of "Krogan XXX"-

Jacob: -takes look at cover-

Shepard: Listen, I am the commander of the ship and if I want to have some kinky maga -Samara puts copy of "Nintendo Power" on table- Woah, I was just holding on to that for Garrus!

Garrus: That is bull****!

Mordin: -puts hand on Shepard's shoulder- Get help Shepard

[Sajuro]

Joker: You've got an incoming message from an Admiral Striker.

Shepard: -trying to remember who that is- stiker,striker,striker,striker -remembers- STRIKER!

Garrus: -passing by when Shepard says 'STRIKER' shrugs and slugs Kelly in the jaw-



Samara confronts renegade Shepard after her oath is up.

Samara: -walks into office and pulls out heavy pistol while Shepard is working at desk- Shepard, I am only offering one chance to survive out of respect, remember this gun is pointed straight at your heart as you get up.

Shepard: -looks up with a glower- you'll find that is my least vulnerable spot -pulls a shadow broker and uses strength to throw desk at Samara, knocking her into the wall- I would say you left me with no choice Samara -Reaves her as she reaches for the gun and kicks it away- but you are far too powerful to simply discard like I would with any other Asari.

-some one on one time with an indoctrination device later-

Shepard: Your only oath is to me Samara, my word is your law.

Samara: Yes...master

Shepard: -crosses arm- Pay your daughters a visit at their monastery, make them submit to their gifts.

-Samara gets up and leaves for the shuttle-

Shepard: Kelly, could you ask Legion to come up to my quarters, we have some matters to discuss.

[Kaltrec]

Sajuro wrote...

Joker: You've got an incoming message from an Admiral Striker.
Shepard: -trying to remember who that is- stiker,striker,striker,striker -remembers- STRIKER!
Garrus: -passing by when Shepard says 'STRIKER' shrugs and slugs Kelly in the jaw-

It took me awhile to remember where that was from, im getting old

[Sinapus]

Kaltrec wrote...

Sajuro wrote...

Joker: You've got an incoming message from an Admiral Striker.
Shepard: -trying to remember who that is- stiker,striker,striker,striker -remembers- STRIKER!
Garrus: -passing by when Shepard says 'STRIKER' shrugs and slugs Kelly in the jaw-

It took me awhile to remember where that was from, im getting old

Shepard: I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue...

[ThatGamerWithSouvlaki285]

Sinapus wrote...

Kaltrec wrote...

Sajuro wrote...

Joker: You've got an incoming message from an Admiral Striker.
Shepard: -trying to remember who that is- stiker,striker,striker,striker -remembers- STRIKER!
Garrus: -passing by when Shepard says 'STRIKER' shrugs and slugs Kelly in the jaw-

It took me awhile to remember where that was from, im getting old

Shepard: I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue...

Shepard: I won't lie to you admiral Striker the situation is dier. The Reapers have taken ot most of the alliance fleet. Your fleet is the only one that can hold of the Repears from invading Earth while i gather the other citadel fleets to counter attack them. You admiral are the last hope of humanity.

Striker: Surely , there is someone else who can do this. I haven't been in command in years.

Shepard: Sorry Striker, there is no one else. And don't call me Surely.

Not an inter party banter, but i couldn't help it.
RIP leslie nielsen

Challange: More leslie nielsen inspired banter.

Modifié par steph285, 15 février 2011 - 07:52 .

[Village_Idiot]

Joker: Commander, urgent message from 5th Fleet coming in.
Shepard: 5th Fleet? What is it?
Joker: It's a load of big spaceships filled with Admirals, but that's not important right now.

Modifié par Shadrach 88, 15 février 2011 - 07:54 .