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[Iakus]

Mordin: Miranda, understand you were project lead for Lazarus Project
Miranda: That's right, I was.
Mordin: Facinating concept, restoration of necrotic tissue to full function. Revolutionary, even. How was it done?
Miranda: It's ...complicated...
Mordin. Have been stiudying regenerative properties of tissues for some time. Necessary for work with genophage. Anything to do with krogan, really. Tell me, how much viable tissue remained when you started work? Were organs regrown through regeneration or cloning? How were mental functions preserved and restored with fresh brain cells? Were memories preserved in storage unit? Biological equivalent of quantum blue box? How did you account for random personality alternations in transferring data? Was any cybernetic replacement or augmentation for his brain needed? Was any sort of nanotech necessaary or just cybernetic? And how did you account for the neurological to electronic interface de...
Miranda: Look, the method is very slow, very costly, and if you think I'm going to reveal Cerberus secrets to a former member of the STG, you're out of your bloody mind.
Mordin: ...You don't know how it was done, do you?
Miranda: I...No. No I don't. It shouldn't have been possible to bring Shepard back. Not from that kind of massive damage. But the Illusive Man was absolutely certain it could be done. The doctors and scientists he brought in for the project seemed confident. And after two years, they delivered us a miracle.
Mordin: Hmph. Could have said "I don't know" in the first place. Save a lot of time.

+++++++++

Jack: You don't scare me, you know
Samara: That is good to know
Jack: I've heard about you "justicars" going around righting wrongs. Killing everyone who gets in your way. But I'll bet I could take you down.
Samara: Is that so? Why do you think I would want to fight you?
Jack: Why? Because i'm Jack! Subect ::expletive:: Zero! you're gonna try to off me first chance you get! It's what you do! I'm just letting you know right now I'm not going down easy!
Samara: Jack, I have no intention of "offing" you. I have sworn an oath to follow Shepard in his mission. We are both part of his crew. It would violate everything I stood for to betray an ally in such a way.
Jack: Oh. Well. Good.
Samara: After the mission is completed, however, we shall have to see what happens...
Jack: Fan -:expletive::-tastic.

Modifié par iakus, 19 décembre 2010 - 05:34 .

[Wolfknight581]

New squaddie: So...Commander Shepard...you were....dead...for two years?
Shepard: Yes, yes I was.
New squaddie: So you know what it's like you....pass on.
Shepard: You mean the afterlife?
Thane:  Our people believe that is an eternal rest in the arms of the Ocean Godess.
New Squaddie: Right, so that's what frog-boy has to say. What does COMMANDER SHEPARD have to say?
Shepard: Nothing. There is nothing. THERE IS NOTHING WAITING FOR YOU AT DEATH'S EMBRACE!
Thane: You surely don't mean that Shepard.
Shepard: Yeah I'm just messing with you......actually Hinduisim was the right religion all along.

Modifié par Wolfknight581, 19 décembre 2010 - 05:21 .

[GordonNoob2010]

Grunt: Battlemaster.
Shepard: Grunt.
Grunt: Take a look at this.
Shepard: WHAT-
Grunt: Micro-Thanix Kinetic Accelerator.
Shepard: HOW-
Grunt: Tali.
---------------------------------
Grunt: HA!
Samara: Your bloodlust is alarming.
Grunt: We are not so different, justicar.
Samara: I kill the wicked. I cleanse the universe of evil.
Grunt: I kill the weak. Weakness is evil.
--------------------------------
Tali: HEADSHOT!
Garrus: !!!!!!!!
Shepard: !!!!!!!

[ADLegend21]

cocla wrote...

*In Zaeed's room aboard Normandy*

Zaeed: I went after a red sand smuggler this one time on a mining colony, but his guards had managed to take out all my men, so I had to retreat. Couldnt get any decent reinforcements locally, so I had to hire a bunch of Quarians as backup. I got the smuggler the second try, all the Quarians died though, damn shame. Almost made me feel bad for paying them so little... They’d jump into a plasma vent if you paid them a cred, damn space gypsies... *BANG*

Shepard: O_O

Zaeed: x_x

Tali: I have a shotgun.

HA!

[ADLegend21]

Shep: Ha headshot!

Garrus: Never have I seen a woman kill two mercs with one bullet

Ash: *shoots sniper* how about three mercs with one?

Garrus:....I think I'm in love.

Shep: not until the next game you aren't.

[Bourne Endeavor]

Legion: Garrus-Calibrator, we have an inquiry.
Garrus: What is it… wait, why are you calling me Calibrator?
Legion: This is your occupation aboard this platform therefore, you are Calibrator
Garrus: I am assisting Shepard. This is not a job.
Legion: Standard organic statistics indicate constant performance of mundane tasks can be concluded as “work.”
Garrus: I do other things as well
Legion: Compiling…
Garrus: Legion?
Legion: Normandy observation logs conclude Garrus-Calibrator spends 84.72% aboard this platform calibrating the main weaponry artillery. And 10.28% considering what else may require calibrations.
Garrus: I…
Legion: Further analysis indicates this is the second most constant action performed by a single organic aboard this platform.
Garrus: What is the first?
Legion: Compiling… Jeff Moreau-Flight Lieutenant’s computer history indicates 96.89% of its operation is spent observing vids on a website called: Mass Erotica.
Garrus: ... how is that even possible? He pilots the Normandy.
Legion: We conclude there is a high probability Jeff Moreau-Flight Lieutenant is capable of operating this platform single-handedly.
Garrus: I really didn’t need to know that...

Modifié par Bourne Endeavor, 19 décembre 2010 - 08:47 .

[Stephenc13]

Tali: Why do these elevator rides take so long?
Grunt: Maybe if you worked out a little more...
Tali: What?!
Grunt: Nothing.
Tali: You said something
Grunt: I don't think I did. Being in a suit for so long might mess with your hearing.
Tali: Shut-up
Grunt: I've been in a tank hearing voices. You aren't alone

Modifié par Stephenc13, 19 décembre 2010 - 08:53 .

[CROAT_56]

LMAO ^^ and the one above it

[ADLegend21]

Grunt: you know, for a Robot you fight pretty Well Legion.

Legion:This platform is unclear as to what Grunt-meat sheild is refering to.

Grunt I'm saying that kill alot and....why'd you callme Grunt-meatshield?

Legion: this is your designation because In the time we have spend in Combat with Grunt-meatshield you have been hit with approximately 12,378 bullets. We have been in Combat with Grunt-meatshield once. Mission duration 9 minutes 34 seconds.

Grunt- Do you want to die Geth?

Legion-...readings indicate Krogan Blood rage is imminent.

[earthbornFemShep]

GordonNoob2010 wrote...
Tali: HEADSHOT!
Garrus: !!!!!!!!
Shepard: !!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!

[lovgreno]

Tali: Legion, it is good that we can work together for the mutual benefit of our peoples.

Legion: This platform agrees with Tali-Cleaner.

Tali: Oh Keelah... Just because I spend a lot of time cleaning engines.

Legion: Yes.

Tali: Tell me Legion, what designations have you picked for the others on board?

Legion: Garrus-Calibrator. Mordin-Researcher. Gardin-Toilet cleaner. Kasumi-Gossip collector. Miranda-Secretary....

Tali: Okay I get it... Could you please go back to calling me Tali-Creator though?

Legion: Yes.

Tali: Thank you.

[I-AM-KROGAN]

At sucide mission Jacob leads the distraction team, he was disloyal and dies.


Jacob: At least i got the others threw.....*dies*

Jack: at least he didnt die first.




or.


Joker: You know, you really have to get that poll out of your ass.

Garus: At least i can spank my ass with out having to get surgery.

Joker: Tusche

[I-AM-KROGAN]

Samara: Shepred, i cant love you by the code.



Shep: I know, but i love you.



Samara: I know.



Shep: Well see you around.



Samara: Yeah. *calls Jacob* Hey Jacob its fine now, get up here, lets do this.



Shep: What the crap was that?!?



Samara: Um.....



Shep: Am i not good enough? You little-



Samara: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!

[JG The Gamer]

Miranda and Legion are playing chess. Legion has won 9 games in a row. Miranda is determined to win just once and has played exceptionally well in this last game.

Legion: *Move his queen* Queen to b7. Checkmate.
Miranda: Dammit! Not again!
Legion: In the time it takes you to decide your first move, we have calculated over 3000 ways to force a checkmate in under 30 moves.

Blackjack Night

Legion: *Notably with a pile of chips in front of him* Shepard-Commander, despite your best efforts, we have concluded with 93% certainty that you are using twelve decks of cards.
Shepard: *Notes the house is nearly out of chips* Miranda, how long before the Illusive Man notices we're cutting into his funds?
Miranda: He found out last week.
Legion: We do not share the same value on credits as organics do.
Miranda: Then why do you keep cleaning us out week after week?
Legion: You presented the challenge, and we wanted to show our capabilities are very real.

[GordonNoob2010]

Grunt: Battlemaster.

Shepard: Grunt.

Grunt: That Mercenary commander. I would prefer a stealth attack.

Shepard: Good thinking. What brought this on?

Grunt: I want his Claymore Mk II. I don't want to damage it by charging him into a wall.

[hooahguy]

These are really funny, but some are too long to be party banter.

[Malanek]

Jacob: So Thane...you seem to be very good at shooting people in the back. But then I guess you've had a lot of practice at it.
Thane: That has been my life's path.
Jacob: Enough with the spiritual bullS***. Everyone makes their own choice and everyone is responsible for their own actions.
Thane: I never claimed I am not responsible. Tell me, why do you disapprove of me but not the others? Shepard is a killer but you willingly follow him.
Jacob: Damn right, I'd follow him to hell and back. But there's a difference, his enemies can see it coming. They have a chance to fight back.
Thane: There is no difference. Where Shepard walks death inevitably follows. His enemies stand no more chance than if they were blind and deaf.

EDI: Garrus, it has come to my attention that you have emptied your personal account to fund research into Corpalis Syndrome.
Garrus: I can do what I like with my own money.
EDI: That was not a reproach. If you submit a proposal, Cerberus is likely to help. The Illusive man is looking to improve cross-species relationships and would find this level of funding insignificant. And if not, you know that Shepard would help you.
Garrus: No, it is my own problem and I will deal with it myself. I would prefer you didn't tell the others.
EDI: Very well. If you desire I can use spare capacity during non-peak times to analyse and model the samples that Mordin submitted.
Garrus: Thank you EDI, that would be great.
later
Illusive Man: EDI, I see you recommend research into Prothean tissue and neural degradation.
EDI: Yes. The symptoms and effects from extreme term indoctrination could be vital in understanding and therefore prevention.
Illusive Man: I will set up a lab and make it a priority project.
EDI: There is a more optimal way. The Helos Medical insitute already has a similar project in the advanced stage and Cerberus would struggle to acquire enough dextro-protein test subjects. You could share the results at a fraction of the cost.
Illusive Man: Good work EDI, you are continuing to show the benefit of an Artificial Intelligence.
EDI: Very well. I will set up the funding under a front corporation.
Illusive Man: Illusive man out.

[AdmiralCheez]

^^Awwww, EDI, what a bro.

[TripLight]

The "Garrus/EDI" one is utter genius. Damn fine job, sir!

[The Unfallen]

I-AM-KROGAN wrote...

Samara: Shepred, i cant love you by the code.

Shep: I know, but i love you.

Samara: I know.

Shep: Well see you around.

Samara: Yeah. *calls Jacob* Hey Jacob its fine now, get up here, lets do this.

Shep: What the crap was that?!?

Samara: Um.....

Shep: Am i not good enough? You little-

Samara: ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL!

I laughed out friggen loud.

[Iakus]

Zaeed: ...So while the bloody battlemaster was finishing off the last of my squad, I got behind him and cut his legs out from under him with my last grenade

Grunt: Ha! Then what happened?

Zaeed: Then I walked up to him, put the barrel to his head and held the trigger down til the sink overheated. You krogan take a lotta godd@am killing.

Grunt: This is so, You have a lot of good stories, Zaed. Tales of blood and glory!

Zaeed: It's good to tell them to someone who appreciates them. You aren't offended by my killing krogan, are you?

Grunt: Why? Any krogan stupid enough to get killed by a human deserves to die. Let's hear another one!

++++++

Samara: I understand you used to operate a gang out of Omega

Garrus: Not a "gang" in the usual sense. We were a group who took it on ourselves to make sure criminals paid for their misdeeds.

Samara: I see. And in your quest for justice, did you not seek out proper authorites to dfeal with these miscreants?

Garrus: When we could. When they left the station. But Omega was a cesspool. People went there to get away from "proper authorities" That's where we came in. We went where the laws couldn't reach, and dealt with those who thought they were untouchable.

Samara: And you never harmed someone who was inocent of any crime? Even accidentally?

Garrus: Not knowingly. I can't say no one was ever hurt by a stray shot. But we were careful about that sort of thing. Why are you so interested if I may ask?

Samara: I'm trying to decide something. Whether you should be killed, or admired.

edit: spelling errors.  Note to self:  Do these earlier in the evening next time

Modifié par iakus, 20 décembre 2010 - 05:26 .

[The Unfallen]

iakus wrote...

Zaed: ...So while the bloody battlemaster was finishing off the last of my squad, I got behind him and cut his legs out from under him with my last grenade

Grunt: Ha! Then what happened?

Zaed: Then I walked up to him, put the barrel to his head and held the trigger down til the sink overheated. You krogan take a lotta godd@am killing.

Grunt: This is so, You have a lot of good stories, Zaed. Tales of blood and glory!

Zaed: It's good to tell them to someone who appreciates them. You aren't offended by my killing krogan, are you?

Grunt: Why? Any krogan stupid enough to get killed by a human deserves to die. Let's hear another one!

++++++

Samara: I understand you used to operate a gang out of Omega

Garrus: Not a "gang" in the usual sense. We were a group who took it on ourselves to make sure criminals paid for their misdeeds.

Samara: I see. And in your quest for justice, did you not seek out proper authorites to dfeal with these miscreants?

Garrus: When we could. When they left the station. But Omega was a cesspool. People went there to get away from "proper authorities" That's where we came in. We went where the laws couldn't reach, and dealt with those who thought they were untouchable.

Samara: And you never harmed someone who was inocent of any crime? Even accidentally?

Garrus: Not knowingly. I can't say no one was ever hurt by a stray shot. But we were careful about that sort of thing. Why are you so interested if I may ask.

Samara: I'm trying to decide something. Whether you should be killed, or admired.

You spelled Zaeed wrong.

[Asari]

That Yellow Bastard wrote...

iakus wrote...

Zaed: ...So while the bloody battlemaster was finishing off the last of my squad, I got behind him and cut his legs out from under him with my last grenade

Grunt: Ha! Then what happened?

Zaed: Then I walked up to him, put the barrel to his head and held the trigger down til the sink overheated. You krogan take a lotta godd@am killing.

Grunt: This is so, You have a lot of good stories, Zaed. Tales of blood and glory!

Zaed: It's good to tell them to someone who appreciates them. You aren't offended by my killing krogan, are you?

Grunt: Why? Any krogan stupid enough to get killed by a human deserves to die. Let's hear another one!

++++++

Samara: I understand you used to operate a gang out of Omega

Garrus: Not a "gang" in the usual sense. We were a group who took it on ourselves to make sure criminals paid for their misdeeds.

Samara: I see. And in your quest for justice, did you not seek out proper authorites to dfeal with these miscreants?

Garrus: When we could. When they left the station. But Omega was a cesspool. People went there to get away from "proper authorities" That's where we came in. We went where the laws couldn't reach, and dealt with those who thought they were untouchable.

Samara: And you never harmed someone who was inocent of any crime? Even accidentally?

Garrus: Not knowingly. I can't say no one was ever hurt by a stray shot. But we were careful about that sort of thing. Why are you so interested if I may ask.

Samara: I'm trying to decide something. Whether you should be killed, or admired.

You spelled Zaeed wrong.

I second this


Though both of them were darn good, keep em coming!

[sporeian]

Garrus: So, how you and Shepard been doing?
Ashley: Fine, he moved on, but so have I.
Garrus: Yeah, he really loves Tali.
Ashley: TALI!?! I KILL THAT B**CH!
Garrus: What have I done?

Modifié par sporeian, 20 décembre 2010 - 05:21 .

[CROAT_56]

lol ill have to deal with that one