1554 réponses à ce sujet

[A2N2T]

In the mess hall of the Normandy SR2.

Kasumi: OK everyone! Lets have a joke competiton!
Most of the other: Noooo!
Kasumi: Awesome! Jack, you go first!
Jack: I'm leaving.
Kasumi: If you leave, then I'll never leave you alone.
Jack *sigh* What do you call someone who annoys me? (Silence) Dead.
Kasumi: (Terrified) Uh, Jack, very good. You can leave now. (Jack leaves) So, who wants to go next?
Jacob: I will. OK, so this one time, at training camp-
Everyone but Kasumi: NO!
Miranda: This going to be terrible.
Garrus: Agreed.
Kasumi: Oh, come on everybody, it can't be that bad.
Miranda: It can. I've heard them all.
Everyone but Kasumi: Booooooo!
Jacob: Fine. (Leaves)
Kasumi: Jacob! Come back!... Well, which one of you meanies is going to go next?
Shepard: I will.
Kasumi: Oh, Shepard. OK!
Shepard: OK, so listen up (everyone becomes attentive). This one time at training camp...
Garrus: This is going to be so awesome.
Miranda: Agreed.

Modifié par A2N2T, 22 février 2011 - 10:00 .

[skiaDUDE]

sporeian wrote...

*In a session with Kelly*

Shepard: I think I was in love once.
Kelly: Really, what was her name?
Shepard: I don't remember.
Kelly: That's not a good start, but keep going.
Shepard: She was Brazillian...or Chinese, or something wierd. I met her in the bathroom of a
K-mart, and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Kelly:...I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Sheprad: Damn It!

Cookie for the reference-(this is a giveaway)

Anchorman!!!!

Cookie please

[Sandbox47]

Kelly: So what would you say that you value the most?

Shep: Well, when I was young I loved the summer.

Kelly: And now you don't?

Shep: And now I realize that if you've got the money you can go and have summer any time. So now I love money.

Kelly: Isn't that shallow?

Zaeed: I'm coming, Jessie.

Kasumi: Where's the grey box!? Oh no! Ah, there it is.

Joker: Normandy is ma' babe.

EDI: Pardon?

Joker: Ah, I mean my... my ship.

Shep: *raises one eyebrow*

Kelly: *makes a note* Money it is.

_____________________________________________________________________________

[LegacyOfTheAsh]

Shepard and Miranda in Engineering prior to the Suicide Mission



*Shepard removes his pants as Miranda's anticipation begins to boil over*



Shepard: You see my gun. Do you really want to do this?



Miranda: (did he really just say that?) *stifles a giggle* Shepard wait... I need to think about this...



Shepard: Scared Miss Lawson?



Miranda: *still trying to contain laughter* I should get going...

[sporeian]

skiaDUDE wrote...

sporeian wrote...

*In a session with Kelly*

Shepard: I think I was in love once.
Kelly: Really, what was her name?
Shepard: I don't remember.
Kelly: That's not a good start, but keep going.
Shepard: She was Brazillian...or Chinese, or something wierd. I met her in the bathroom of a
K-mart, and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.
Kelly:...I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Sheprad: Damn It!

Cookie for the reference-(this is a giveaway)

Anchorman!!!!

Cookie please

I feel, personally, that their are alot of Anchorman oppurtunities in this thread!

[ADLegend21]

Femshep: Hello gentlemen, look at your woman.

gentlemen: *looks at their woman*

FShep: now back to me, now back to your woman now back to me! sadly, she isn't me but, she could sort of kick ass like me, if she chooses the female option when creating a new charater. she can change my face to whatever she thinks is pretty and then we go kill people in the name of saving the galaxy and sometimes for teh lulz. look down, now back up, where are you? on a spaceship filled with hot biotics and aliens. what's that in your hand? it's a controller (mouse for PC players) look up, now back to your hand,it's my game. you'll replay it several times in the coming year. anything is possible when you play femshep. I'm voiced by Jennifer Hale *old spice whistle*

[Shadow_Soul]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Femshep: Hello gentlemen, look at your woman.
gentlemen: *looks at their woman*
FShep: now back to me, now back to your woman now back to me! sadly, she isn't me but, she could sort of kick ass like me, if she chooses the female option when creating a new charater. she can change my face to whatever she thinks is pretty and then we go kill people in the name of saving the galaxy and sometimes for teh lulz. look down, now back up, where are you? on a spaceship filled with hot biotics and aliens. what's that in your hand? it's a controller (mouse for PC players) look up, now back to your hand,it's my game. you'll replay it several times in the coming year. anything is possible when you play femshep. I'm voiced by Jennifer Hale *old spice whistle*

 I lol'd. This is pure win, AD.

[Kaltrec]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Femshep: Hello gentlemen, look at your woman.
gentlemen: *looks at their woman*
FShep: now back to me, now back to your woman now back to me! sadly, she isn't me but, she could sort of kick ass like me, if she chooses the female option when creating a new charater. she can change my face to whatever she thinks is pretty and then we go kill people in the name of saving the galaxy and sometimes for teh lulz. look down, now back up, where are you? on a spaceship filled with hot biotics and aliens. what's that in your hand? it's a controller (mouse for PC players) look up, now back to your hand,it's my game. you'll replay it several times in the coming year. anything is possible when you play femshep. I'm voiced by Jennifer Hale *old spice whistle*

Someone needs to make a video with this

[Sajuro]

-As the Reapers are attacking the homeworlds of the citadel species, Shepard gives a speech to the Allied fleets of the races while onboard Normandy-
Shepard: Moments ago, we recieved word that the Reapers launched a coordinated attack against each each of our home worlds. How, why, doesn't really matter now. What does matter is: that as of this moment , we are at war. -pauses as LI moves to comfort them- This is way beyond what anyone has ever faced, we have limited fuel, limited supplies, no reinforcements.... and now, no hope? It won't be an easy fight... it will be long, difficult. But I promise you one thing, on the memory of those we have lost and to honor those that will be lost: We will destroy the Reapers, we will make them pay for the devastation they have inflicted on countless civilizations. So say we all!

-Silence on the comms-

Turian Councilor: -commanding voice- So say we all!

from crews of all the ships across the fleet: SO SAY WE ALL!

-After Garrus leads a succesful attack against a Reaper, resulting in its destruction-
Shepard: Congratulations Garrus, you did a great service to the fleet today -holds out hand- good job.
Garrus: It was my pleasure -as Shepard moves towards him, Garrus shoots shepard several times in the stomach with a heavy pistol-

-Shepard recovers from Garrus' attack. The remaining squad is gathered in the briefing room turned war room. Miranda just found out that she's a geth 'skin job'-
Shepard: Okay, we need to get to the supply depot on Elysium, Miranda I want you to lead the -notices Miranda is zoned out- Miranda, are you alright?
Miranda:... never been better -pulls heavy pistol and shoots Shepard in the eye-
---
Shepard: Miranda, Miranda! stay focused!
Miranda: -snaps out of dream- yes, what do you need me to do?

[snakeboy86]

Sajuro wrote...



-As the Reapers are attacking the homeworlds of the citadel species, Shepard gives a speech to the Allied fleets of the races while onboard Normandy-
Shepard: Moments ago, we recieved word that the Reapers launched a coordinated attack against each each of our home worlds. How, why, doesn't really matter now. What does matter is: that as of this moment , we are at war. -pauses as LI moves to comfort them- This is way beyond what anyone has ever faced, we have limited fuel, limited supplies, no reinforcements.... and now, no hope? It won't be an easy fight... it will be long, difficult. But I promise you one thing, on the memory of those we have lost and to honor those that will be lost: We will destroy the Reapers, we will make them pay for the devastation they have inflicted on countless civilizations. So say we all!

-Silence on the comms-

Turian Councilor: -commanding voice- So say we all!

from crews of all the ships across the fleet: SO SAY WE ALL!

-After Garrus leads a succesful attack against a Reaper, resulting in its destruction-
Shepard: Congratulations Garrus, you did a great service to the fleet today -holds out hand- good job.
Garrus: It was my pleasure -as Shepard moves towards him, Garrus shoots shepard several times in the stomach with a heavy pistol-

-Shepard recovers from Garrus' attack. The remaining squad is gathered in the briefing room turned war room. Miranda just found out that she's a geth 'skin job'-
Shepard: Okay, we need to get to the supply depot on Elysium, Miranda I want you to lead the -notices Miranda is zoned out- Miranda, are you alright?
Miranda:... never been better -pulls heavy pistol and shoots Shepard in the eye-
---
Shepard: Miranda, Miranda! stay focused!
Miranda: -snaps out of dream- yes, what do you need me to do?

as a battlestar galactica fan i approve of this

[Noble 6]

ADLegend21 wrote...
Kasumi: duna nananananananananananana batman! Batman!
Shepard: what are you talking about Kasumi?
Kasumi: if yo think about it Shep, you're like batman. you follow your owns rules to do detective work and since you're a spectre you're above C-Sec. All you need is a hidden fortress in your basemen and a sidekick and you're set.
Shepard: you sure Garrus isn't space Batman?
Kasumi: Nah, he's Nightwing at best, he can't hold a candle to you.
Shep:...good point, so ifI'm space batman who are you?
Kasumi: Catwoman of course meow.

^^ Haha, excellent .


  

Shadow_Soul wrote...
(Tali, Shep and Garrus playing HALO)

Tali: Ooh, what's this do?
Garrus: You killed me.
Tali: A headshot too.
Shepard: Damn, Tali, your good.
Tali: Hey, Garrus, you forgot something.
Garrus: What?
Tali: Sticky grenade!
Garrus: Damn it, Tali.

(cookie for the reference...)

From The Big Bang Theory  show ?

[Blze001]

Shepard: "Ladies. Can I take you to the most exotic of exotic locations? No. But the Normandy can. And it will. And so will I. So will you? I hope so. I know so. Ice cream? Oookay."

[Dean_the_Young]

(Random Cerberus grunt): Illusive Man. Contact from the Normandy.

TIM: Is that so? Shepard blows up the base, leaves in a fit, and now wants to talk? Patch him through.

(RCG): Yes sir.

(The hologram appears. In it... is not Shepard.)

TIM: Miranda. I didn't think you would show your face to me again.

Miranda: It wouldn't do much good, now would it? I quit, but I'm not afraid of you.

TIM: And so you aren't. Congratulations. Your questionable judgment aside, why are you here?

(Jack steps in.)

Jack: Ex-cheerleader owes me. I aimed to collect.

TIM: (Says nothing. Leaves it to Jack to continue.)

Jack: ...well?

TIM: You'll have to be a little more specific than that.

Jack: More specific- is that all you want to say to me? After all these years, that's all you have?

TIM: I have plenty of things I want. I've long since learned, however, that what I want to do and say and what I should do and say to get what I want are often entirely different things. You, Jack- may I call you Jack?

Jack: No, you may not.

TIM: Subject Zero then-

Jack: **** you!

TIM: Or Elizabeth, or Sue, or Tina, or any of the dozens of names you've worn over the years.

Jack: Years you hunted me!

TIM: Of course. You are powerful. You were always a valuable potential asset for humanity, just as you are now.

Jack: I'm not your toy to work for you!

TIM: You don't have to be to further my aims.

Jack: **** you and your aims! You see these? (She gestures towards her surgical scars.) You did this to me! You're responsible!

TIM: (Says nothing.)

Jack: Don't you go silent on me, damn it! Say something! Admit it!

TIM: (Carefully putting down the cigarrete) And say what, Jack? What do you want to hear? (Clear throat, changes voice.) 'I am an evil pedophiliac bastard who likes to torture young kids for kicks. I want to enslave all the aliens and torture puppies for fun.' (Resumes tone.) Is that what you want to hear? Because if that's all it takes to calm you, I would have said so years ago.

Jack: Don't mock me bastard.

TIM: I'm not mocking: I'm being perfectly frank. If that's what you want to hear, I'll tell you that. Clearly you don't want to accept the truth that you yourself heard.

Jack: ...

TIM: If you want me to say anything, than I will say this: the Teltin Facility was a cell of Cerberus that went far beyond their mission intent, and deliberately falsified the data they sent back to me. By the time I arrived to confront them and investigate myself, you had already escaped: had you not put an end to them, I would have. I did, a few of them.

Jack: Bull****. Don't try and claim you would have let me go.

TIM: Since I made no such claim, I need to make no such denial. Would I have let you go? No. Would I have continued the experiments on you? (Blows smoke.) They were incompetent scientists, going about it in the way they were doing once their initial avenues were exhausted. You can ask Miranda about it.

Jack: Don't try and **** with me- I know what you would have done had Overlord been in your hands.

TIM: Had Overlord been in my hands, I would have taken the time rather than rush for a simple proposal presentation, and likely avoided the rush in the first place. But in the respect you are likely referring: I am not against suffering, but I do oppose needless, pointless, and wasteful suffering. Yours was the last.

Jack: You're just wiggling out of responsibility! You'd just go ahead and do the project the same with less casualties!

TIM: If I had the power to go back in time and do things over again, I assure you I would have far more and greater things to change than your unfortunate past. But then, tell me: if you had the power, right now, to go back and change what happened to you... would you?

Jack: **** yes, you-

TIM: And lose your power? Power you needed and used to stop the Collectors and save billions?

Jack: Power isn't everything, you sick ****.

TIM: And lose Shepard?

(Jack is struck silent.)

TIM: Not merely for yourself, mind you. But without you, Shepard may well have truly died on the Suicide Mission. Is there anyone else you would trust to maintain the biotic bubble for him? And other woman you would trust him to?

Jack: ****. You.

TIM: (Shrugs.) I won't press for an answer. This entire exchange is academic anyway: you can't change your past, and I can't either. But I can tell you this, however: so long as you keep being a productive and useful person to Shepard, I have no intent to retrieve you. You are useful to me simply by being useful to Shepard.

Jack: Shepard. Is nothing. Like you.

TIM: Indeed he isn't, Jack: I am here, talking to you, instead of currently spending time alone with a young, beautiful, and enamored Asari who boasts not only great biotic powers but now a great intelligence network as well.

Jack: Shepard is nothing like that.

TIM: I suppose you would know him best. Having never been swept off my feet, unlike others in his past, I wouldn't know him that well.

Jack: (Flicks TIM off. Leaves.)

Miranda: (Watching her go.) That's not going to work, you know. That man isn't attracted to Dr. T'soni: you can't play Jack's jealousy where there is no rivalry.

TIM: If I wanted to play a rivalry, Miranda, I might have pointed to any of the other crew mates who is taken with Humanity's Best. Yeoman Chambers. Or Miss Tali Zorah. Or you.

Miranda: (Tries to maintain a poker face.)

TIM: It was only a matter of time until her insecurities were raised. By raising it in such an easy to resolve manner, and by being raised by myself, trust can be built or, if the trust issues were unresolvable in the first place, the relationship will end at a time the Reapers are not here.

Miranda: That almost sounds... nice of you. What is your angle?

TIM: Anything that effects Humanity is my business. You know this. Shepard affects Humanity. What effects Shepard also effects Humanity.

Miranda:...

TIM: And besides: If I were her, I'd be far more concerned about Shepard's last paramore: Gunnery Chief Williams. And if that is all, Miranda, I will take my leave.

[Shadow_Soul]

Noble 6 wrote...

From The Big Bang Theory  show ?

Correct!

[Dean_the_Young]

Here's a challenge:



Shepard and the Virmire survivor have a scene (by hologram) before the Omega 4 relay: counterpart scene for the 'faithful' Shepards.

[ADLegend21]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Here's a challenge:

Shepard and the Virmire survivor have a scene (by hologram) before the Omega 4 relay: counterpart scene for the 'faithful' Shepards.

Challenge ACCEPTED!

FShep: *walks into comm room*
Joker: are you sure about this?
Shep: yeah, patch her through....

*after a few second Ashley appears*

Ash: Shepard?umm....hi?
Shep: Hey Ash....listen. I'm about to travel through the Omega-4 Relay to the collector homeworld.
Ash: you're what? no one's ever come back from that relay before. Is this what Cerberus revived you for, to send you to your death again?
Shep: Ash,no one had ever found Ilos.I'll comeback and when I do we need to talk, about us.
Ash: *prepares to say something then stops when "about us" is said.* What did you replaceme with one ofyour new crew members?
Shep: what? no! I miss you, but you pissed me off on Horizon when you wouldn't listen to you.
Ash: yeah well "Cerberus brought me back soI'mworking for them" and "you're being too emotional"weren't that great a defense, Ms. Smooth talker.
Shep: fine. be like that!
Ash: Skipper....wait... We do need to talk, full disclosure...
Shep: did you find someone else?
Ash: No!no one could...compare to you Shepard.
Shep okay,phew. what did you want to tell me?
Ash: well...The Allaince is tracking you through his comm link. Because your IFFdoesn't register with the council, and it's flagged as a gethship.
Shep: REAPER DAMNIT!
Ash: what?
Shep:our shipis using a Reaper IFF to navigate the relay, since we think the relayreacts differently to them.
Ash: how did you get a reaper IFF?
Shep: it's a long story, one that I'll tell you when I get back.
Ash: alright,it's a date.
Shep: well, I should cut this before I blow my position and get arrested....I love you Ashley.
Ash: I love you too Skipper.

*Call ends*

Shep:I can't beleivethat "Sovereign was a geth ship" crap spread., idiots.

[Blze001]

FShep: Jacob, where's your shirt?

Jacob: I decided not to wear one.

Jacob: Actually, my wildly exaggerated body muscle distribution makes creating such a garment an impossibility, as when all seamstresses see the correct fabric pattern to make a shirt to fit my muscled body, they cry tears of both joy and total confusion until they pass out, but are delicately caught by their own memories of my heroically unmatched body.

Shep: O.o

[MB957]

Sheppard: "how's it goin jack?"



Jack: "I will cut you!!"



EDI: "perhaps a cup of chammomile tea jack?"

[ADLegend21]

Turian councilor: who the hell is this?



Shep: his name is Jacob Taylor, and I beleive he'll be a great spectre candidate.



Turian Councilor, you save us once and try to tell us who to make spectre's?



Asari councilor: yes, this is quite odd. You've killed two of our Agents, and you want to tell us who to replace them with?



salarian councilor: what are you grounds for this?



Shep: Jacob, show them your skills *puts on dark sunglasses*



Jacob: well, *takes of shirt*



asari councilor: .....*drools* Shepard has a point...maybe we should consider Mr. Taylor...is it hot in here all of a sudden?



salarian councilor: well...this is a....well built arguement....



Turian councilor: what are you *Jacob flexes*.......Yes...we should make him a spectre immediately, all in favor? *every councilor votes yes* Welcometo the Spectre's Mr. Taylor.



Shep: told you it would work



Anderson: I should have known better than to go against you *pays Shepard 1,000 Credits*

[Sajuro]

-Shepard, Kasumi, and Legion are at a lunch counter and Kasumi is supposed to pay-

Shepard:Well that was a good meal, how did you like your.. er electricity legion?

Legion: Geth platforms have self contained generator. Needing regular  power from outside sources would be a liability.

Shepard: -mumbles- good talking to you. How about yours -looks over to see Kasumi has vanished from her seat- what the hell? Legion, did you see Kasumi leave?

Legion:..... I was talking with you Shepard-Commander.

Waiter: -puts bill on table- pay whenever yous ready.

Shepard: D@mmit, I spent all of my credits on model ships and fish, Legion do you have any credits.

Legion: Geth do not carry credits.

Shepard: Figures, and Kasumi skipped out <_< -waves waiter over- Listen, I'm Commander Shepard, you know: savior of the citadel? I'll give you an endorsement if you let this bill be on the house.

Waiter: And that guy sayz he's the Turian Councilor.

Councilor Velarn: -waves at Shepard from a few booths down-

Waiter: point ees, you eat then you pay for it. You don't pay, we break your kneecaps.

Shepard: Okay, I'll come up and pay in a second -waiter leaves- Okay Legion, on the count of three I will use Adrenaline rush and you run behind me as fast as you can.

Legion: Roger, Shepard- Commander.

Shepard: Okay, 1, 2, 3! -stands up and, using adrenaline rush, bursts out the front door with Legion following-

Waiter: Hey! get the fock back 'ere -pulls out shotgun and begins firing at Shepard and Legion from the door.

-sound of a toilet flushing-
Kasumi: -comes out of the restroom- where did they go?

[Nodscouter]

mrmarcus101 wrote...

Zorya, as Vido's shuttle flies off...

Zaeed: Gah! Give me that thing Shepard!

Shepard: What, the Cain?

Zaeed yanks the Cain off Shepard's back and destroys the shuttle.

Shepard: Feel better now?

Zaeed: Yeah. Now I want some goddamn pancakes.

Some time later:

Zaeed: This one time after a mission, which only I made it out of alive by the way, I wanted to get some pancakes.
Random person: So what did you do?
Zaeed: Well I went to get some pancakes from Gardner, the cook you see. Well he said he didn't have anything to make pancakes with. I was the only one who made it out alive that day.

Modifié par Nodscouter, 24 février 2011 - 02:51 .

[jamesp81]

Shepard: Tali, I don't want anyone else.  I want you.
Tali: (throws Shepard onto bed) ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL

[Biotic_Warlock]

I got a conversation between Mordin, grunt, wrex and shepard.

Wrex: "Shepard"
Shepard: "Wrex"
Grunt: "Shepard"
Shepard: "Grunt."
Grunt: "Wrex."
Wrex: "Grunt."
Grunt: "Shepard."
Wrex: "Shepard."
Shepard: "Grunt. Wrex."
Mordin: "...?"
Grunt: "Wrex"
Wrex: "grunt"
Grunt + Wrex: "Mordin?"
Mordin: "Can't hold the line... krogan conversation too baffling. PROBLEMATIC!"
*mordin runs outside*
Wrex: "What's wrong with the salarian?"
Grunt: "[GRUNTS]"
Wrex: "Where were we?"
Grunt: "Wrex"
Wrex: "Grunt"

Modifié par Biotic_Warlock, 24 février 2011 - 04:02 .

[jamesp81]

I long to be able to write as well as AD and DeanTheYoung, but I can't

With that said, I might do a fanfic with ME2 similar to what I did with Starcraft 2.  I posted a fanfic that took place just after Starcraft 2 on fanfiction.net that was reasonably well received.  I might do something like that.  Stay tuned.

[Nodscouter]

Go for it. Always nice to have more fanficers here.