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#826
AdmiralCheez

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Dean_the_Young wrote...

Sex is sex because of thesex organs that make it fun. Species without analogous sex organs will not be able to have analogous sex. Asari look female, but by they're confirmed nature of reproduction, they have no evolutionary basis to, well, have any interest or special response from their nether regions. It's all in their heads, not their (non-existent) vaginas.

Penetration is fun for humans because our evolution favored such things being enjoyable. That was how we reproduce, and that's what was rewarded to both species. We put it in to make babies: evolution supported the principal that making babies should feel good, so we'll do it more often. Evolutionary advantage. Even in non-reproductive play, homosexuality or otherwise, our intercourse is often based around pleasing those sex organs.

Asari, however, have no male counterparts, and no equivalent basis for favoring sex up from the under. Their front hole, if they have a front hole at all, is a birth canal/urinary track... and that's it. They don't have an evolutionary basis for getting off on something being shoved up there any more than, say, we orgasm when putting q-tips into our ears. It's just a hole.


Sex is sex only in so much that it applies to a species. Different types of species may not even have it, or have it in different ways. Take a hypothetical species in which the female lays eggs and then the male fertilizes them: such a species would have no concept of intercourse (because that's not how they do it), let alone such things as 'rape'.

True words, dude.  To further support your point, note that salarians don't have sex drives.

Liara doesn't want your pingas, boys--she wants your bbbrraaaaiiiinnnssss....

#827
jamesp81

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Grunt: I do not approve of the use of combat drones, Tali'Zorah. It wreaks of cowardice.

Tali: You're complaining about drones being cowardly, yet Krogan often send their trained Varren ahead of them into battle. What's the difference?

Grunt: Varren are our companions in life and in battle. Combat drones aren't flesh and blood. They lack warrior souls.

Tali: Drones also lack scale itch.

Grunt: (scratches himself tentatively). I uh....should go.

#828
Dean_the_Young

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AdmiralCheez wrote...

True words, dude.  To further support your point, note that salarians don't have sex drives.

Liara doesn't want your pingas, boys--she wants your bbbrraaaaiiiinnnssss....

Not very picky now, is she?

#829
Biotic_Warlock

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Female Salarian (if such a thing existed): What's your name you handsome devil?
Mordin: Mordin solus, doctor, scientist, singer, and many other things. Must investigate collector tech, facing reapers without any knowledge, most problematic-
Female Salarian: I like the clever ones... want to come to my lab and perform some 'experiments'.
Mordin: [Stunned silence]

#830
ADLegend21

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Ashley: Hey Garrus.
Garrus: Yes Williams?
Ashley what do you think of this? *holds up a picture of a kitten*
Garrus: I'm not sure what you...AWWWWWW!
Ashley: so you like Cats do you?
Garrus:....I have no idea what you're talking about *goes abck to working on the Mako*
Shep: did he bite?
Ashely: he did.

#831
Dean_the_Young

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Since I do believe I can claim to deserve a fill...

CHALLENGE

The Logic:

Thane's skin secretes hallucinogenic chemicals.

Things Thane holds or wears pick up Thane's junk.

Thane holds weapons.

Jacob Taylor's job is to maintain those weapons.


Carry it out!

#832
ADLegend21

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Dean_the_Young wrote...

Since I do believe I can claim to deserve a fill...

CHALLENGE

The Logic:

Thane's skin secretes hallucinogenic chemicals.

Things Thane holds or wears pick up Thane's junk.

Thane holds weapons.

Jacob Taylor's job is to maintain those weapons.


Carry it out!

Thane wears gloves....Image IPB

#833
Dean_the_Young

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Since thane needs to pick up his gloves in order to put them on, the secretions are on the outside of his gloves as well. Police have been using that sort of 'third-contact' evidence for years.

#834
etonesmith1

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in the armory......
Shep: hey Jacob.
Jacob: I ama biotic god....
Shep: What?
Jacob: I am biotics made flesh!
Shep: let me see your eyes...
Jacob: I think things and they happen!
Shep: you've been trying on Thanes Jacket again, haven't you!
Jacob: fear me!
Shep: (shoots Jacob in the foot)
Jacob: OW! (falls down and passes out)
Shep: (on intercom) Dr Chakwas, please report to the armory...AGAIN!

#835
Fromyou

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Challenge: TIM finds out (don't question it) that his father is a turian

#836
ADLegend21

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Fromyou wrote...

Challenge: TIM finds out (don't question it) that his father is a turian

 TIM: *recieves medical notice that he has turian genes in his blood* KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

#837
Dean_the_Young

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Fromyou wrote...

Challenge: TIM finds out (don't question it) that his father is a turian

You gotta put in a few fills, ya know.

#838
Biotic_Warlock

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I would imagine TIM's dad would be turian council membet.

TIM: As yes, my dad's a 'turian'. I refuse to believe this - i have dismissed this claim.

#839
Interactive Civilian

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Dean_the_Young wrote...

Sex is sex because of thesex organs that make it fun. Species without analogous sex organs will not be able to have analogous sex. Asari look female, but by they're confirmed nature of reproduction, they have no evolutionary basis to, well, have any interest or special response from their nether regions. It's all in their heads, not their (non-existent) vaginas.

Not to carry this too far off topic, but we simply don't know enough about Asari physiology and evolution to say whether or not they have anything to cause pleasure during physical intercourse. Add to the fact that there are plenty of humans out there who derive sexual pleasure by having things inserted into the "wrong" hole.

Example from humans: the same or very similar hormones which cause vaginal contractions during orgasm during sex in a female (which serve to push the sperm further up the birth canal) cause contractions during child-birth, and on the female side, the release of those hormones is partly caused by physical stimulation of something pressing against the cervix. In child birth, which is no doubt painful, those same "orgasmic" reactions are said to take the edge off the pain (evolutionarily speaking: if there were no pleasure at all in childbirth, or it was so painful that the parent would shy away from it, then those with such a trait would come to a dead end; evolution would favor some kind of "pleasure" in childbirth, and it just so happens that it co-opts the same mechanisms which provide pleasure during sex).

Who's to say the Asari don't have something similar, but evolved purely from the child-birth perspective? Imagine if Asari childbirth is real mix of extreme pleasure as well as pain. But something like sexual intercourse or self-stimulation could perhaps provide all of the pleasure without the pain of pushing out a 4kg little blue baby.

But, that is all speculation, as we don't actually know any details about Asari reproductive physiology except that it seems to be somewhat parthenogenetic. I don't recall anything being mentioned about fetal development or gestation, though I haven't read all of the codex entries, so feel free to quote at me if I'm wrong. ;) I'm just saying that without an Asari biology textbook, we're really not in a position to say either way about what, if any, pleasure an Asari gets from sexual penetration.

That said, I thought your conversation with the Matriach bartender was FULL OF EXTREME WIN! :lol:

And to bring this back on topic, how about a knock-knock joke:

Turian Councilor: Ah, Udina, I have learned one of your human jokes.
Udina (brown-nosing a bit): I look very much forward to hearing it, Councilor.
Turian Councilor: Knock Knock
Udina: Who's there, Councilor?
Turian Councilor: Anderson.
Udina: Anderson wh--
Turian Councilor: *punch*
*Councilor Anderson steps out from behind a nearby pillar*
Anderson: See?
Turian Councilor: You were right. That was immensely satisfying.

:whistle:

Modifié par Interactive Civilian, 01 mars 2011 - 04:05 .


#840
ADLegend21

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Dean_the_Young wrote...

Fromyou wrote...

Challenge: TIM finds out (don't question it) that his father is a turian

You gotta put in a few fills, ya know.

Now now, some people aren'tas comfortable psting dialogue and jsut wanna see things happen. Any and all challenges are welcome.Image IPB

#841
sporeian

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Inspired by a previous post *I'll edited it to show my inspiration*

*Shepard and Miranda are getting busy in bed *
Legion: Shepard-Commander!
Shepard: WOAH! woah,woah,woah....uhhhh Legion...what do you want?
Legion: This unit has experienced night terrors the past week. We would feel more comfortable sleeping with you.
Shepard: No Legion, go away... I'm busy
Legion: We have detected blood loss in both of your external-genital areas and have come to a conclusion that it would take much time to restart your process...
Shepard: Fine, just let us get dressed befor...
*Legion leaps into the bed and lies on top of them*
Shepard: Jesus! I..can't breathe...
*10 minutes later*
Legion: Shepard-Commander
Shepard: *aggitated*Yes.....Legion
Legion: This unit could use a glass of warm water
Shepard:......WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH WATER?!?!
Legion: We wish to use it to clean our sockets from filth from previous missions.
Shepard: Jesus Christ... alright I'll go get you some water.
*Shepard squeezes out and goes to get water*
*Legion begins to feel up Miranada*
Miranda: Shepard! Your hands are so Cold! Here let me warm them up...
*Miranda brings Legion's hands down*
Miranda: mmmmmmm, your metallic hands feel so good.........METALLIC HANDS!
*BOOM, Shepard runs out to see what happened*
Shepard:What's going on!
Legion: We only wished to fix Miranda's hole!
Shepard: What?
*Legion goes crazy*
Legion:No carrier...No carrier....OLIOLIOLIOOOOOOOO *runs off*

Best, I could do...... anyone else got any bedtime-Legion antics?

#842
Sandbox47

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Dean_the_Young wrote...

Sex is sex because of thesex organs that make it fun. Species without analogous sex organs will not be able to have analogous sex. Asari look female, but by they're confirmed nature of reproduction, they have no evolutionary basis to, well, have any interest or special response from their nether regions. It's all in their heads, not their (non-existent) vaginas.

Penetration is fun for humans because our evolution favored such things being enjoyable. That was how we reproduce, and that's what was rewarded to both species. We put it in to make babies: evolution supported the principal that making babies should feel good, so we'll do it more often. Evolutionary advantage. Even in non-reproductive play, homosexuality or otherwise, our intercourse is often based around pleasing those sex organs.

Asari, however, have no male counterparts, and no equivalent basis for favoring sex up from the under. Their front hole, if they have a front hole at all, is a birth canal/urinary track... and that's it. They don't have an evolutionary basis for getting off on something being shoved up there any more than, say, we orgasm when putting q-tips into our ears. It's just a hole.


Sex is sex only in so much that it applies to a species. Different types of species may not even have it, or have it in different ways. Take a hypothetical species in which the female lays eggs and then the male fertilizes them: such a species would have no concept of intercourse (because that's not how they do it), let alone such things as 'rape'.


Which brings us back around. To my point. Girls get justified sex, guys get sex. If an asari can climax on the connection between our minds then let her. And if I can make myself comfortable as well, then we're already having a good time.
I have personally never felt any great need for shoving things into people, seeing how I don't actually get much out of it. Which is a bummer for guys. Because you like shoving things into people. Or, you know, just the one thing.

#843
Aurica

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Sandbox47 wrote...

Which brings us back around. To my point. Girls get justified sex, guys get sex. If an asari can climax on the connection between our minds then let her. And if I can make myself comfortable as well, then we're already having a good time.
I have personally never felt any great need for shoving things into people, seeing how I don't actually get much out of it. Which is a bummer for guys. Because you like shoving things into people. Or, you know, just the one thing.


That seems nice.. i wonder if people will still have any hang-ups on 'melding' with Asari if they were male instead.  I mean afterall, there is no more penetration, so it wouldn't feel as gay.. right?

#844
Sandbox47

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Liara wouldn't be that good a name if the asari looked male though...

#845
Tasha vas Nar Rayya

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Challenge:
Zevran is transported from Fereldan onto the Normandy's crew. He makes comments about the various relationships of the various Commander Shepard's...

#846
jamesp81

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Aurica wrote...

Sandbox47 wrote...

Which brings us back around. To my point. Girls get justified sex, guys get sex. If an asari can climax on the connection between our minds then let her. And if I can make myself comfortable as well, then we're already having a good time.
I have personally never felt any great need for shoving things into people, seeing how I don't actually get much out of it. Which is a bummer for guys. Because you like shoving things into people. Or, you know, just the one thing.


That seems nice.. i wonder if people will still have any hang-ups on 'melding' with Asari if they were male instead.  I mean afterall, there is no more penetration, so it wouldn't feel as gay.. right?


If Asari were male, I would not find them attractive.  What attracts a man to a woman is far more complex than the sexual consumation, contrary to popular belief.  The shape of her body, the feel of her skin, and even her scent are all critically important factors to attraction.  Especially touch.  Nothing is as wondrous as a woman's soft, beautiful skin :D

#847
Biotic_Warlock

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Sandbox47 wrote...

Liara wouldn't be that good a name if the asari looked male though...


He would be called Larry.

Matriach Barkeep: Who the hell are you?
Larry: Im Larry, an Asari.
Barkeep: You? Asari? Then my dad's a geth prime.
Larry: I am an asari! My parents were both asari!
Barkeep: They were probably two blind volus on noveria. Bet you couldnt even warp that Vernor trash that came in here earlier.
Larry: I have more biotics then you can imagine! My mum was Matriach Benezia.
Barkeep: Well i'll be damned...
Larry: I am only four hundred years old as well.
Barkeep: Why is there a kid in my bar? Get out before i throw a singularity on you so hard, you'll go crying to that (insert word) of a mother.
Larry: *leaves*
Barkeep: That's the last time i drink anything made by a salarian.

#848
betd2

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I just got to finish LotSB (don't ask why it took so long) and as we all know just before the fight with the SB the teammate you picked gets hit by some debris and KO'd for the fight so he's some snark Shepard should have given the teamates for be so useless.

*Tali*
Shep: *helps Tali up* way to reinforce your stereotype there Tali.

*Liegon*
Shep: First a husk punches you out and now this, I think I'm gonna stop shooting Geth and just smack them with hammers.

*Jack*:
Shep: behold the mighty Subject Zero, She brought down a space station only to be defeated by some rubble.
Jack: **** off Shepard.

*Jacob*
Shep: *walks over to Jacob, clears throat and in her best drill sargent voice* TAYLOR! FRONT AND CENTER YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF S***!

*Zaeed*
Shep: *Kicks him* hey Zaeed! Not paying you so you can take a goddamn nap.

all I can think off right now feel free to add your own

#849
Fromyou

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challenge: Shepard plays mass effect (paradox i know right...deal)

#850
DPSSOC

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Fromyou wrote...

challenge: Shepard plays mass effect (paradox i know right...deal)


Jacob: What's that Shepard?

Shep: It's called Mass Effect, and it's apparently the story of my life.

Jacob: That good huh?

Shep: No literally the story of my life, I'm playing me.

Jacob: Oh.  Then why are you a woman?

Shep: After 3 hours I got tired of staring at my own a**.

Jacob: Ok, but why are you romancing Garrus?

Shep: No more questions.

Jacob: But...

Shep: NO MORE QUESTIONS!