1554 réponses à ce sujet

[ADLegend21]

Garrus: and then she does this thing where both of her legs are behind her ears and she's doing push ups. Needless to say my mind was blown.
Kasumi: wow she's that good in the sack. Nice catch Garrus.
Garrus:....you were there watching weren't you?
Kasumi: no, I actually wasn't this time.
Garrus: so where were you?
Kasumi: I was inside Jacob's pants.
Garrus: Jacob? nah I'm not buying it.
Kasumi: why? you don't think I'm pretty enough for him?
Garrus: what? no, as far as humans go you're good looking, but ...I never pegged Jacob as the fraternization type.
Kasumi: Why because he's stable?
Garrus: well...he was mean to Tali.
Kasumi: he was trying to help her and she was rude to him on freedoms progress.
Garrus: he was mean to thane.
Kasumi: Thane's an assasin and Jake had jobs to stop assasins before, so sue him.
Garrus: Okay...welll.....
Kasumi: my point exactly. You jsut got served Gare bear.
Garrus:...don't call me that.
Kasumi: too late, hacked your Spacebook pge and changed your name to Gare Bear.....look at that, Shepard likes the change.
Garrus:....*runs to his terminal*

[Shadow_Soul]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Garrus: and then she does this thing where both of her legs are behind her ears and she's doing push ups. Needless to say my mind was blown.
Kasumi: wow she's that good in the sack. Nice catch Garrus.
Garrus:....you were there watching weren't you?
Kasumi: no, I actually wasn't this time.
Garrus: so where were you?
Kasumi: I was inside Jacob's pants.
Garrus: Jacob? nah I'm not buying it.
Kasumi: why? you don't think I'm pretty enough for him?
Garrus: what? no, as far as humans go you're good looking, but ...I never pegged Jacob as the fraternization type.
Kasumi: Why because he's stable?
Garrus: well...he was mean to Tali.
Kasumi: he was trying to help her and she was rude to him on freedoms progress.
Garrus: he was mean to thane.
Kasumi: Thane's an assasin and Jake had jobs to stop assasins before, so sue him.
Garrus: Okay...welll.....
Kasumi: my point exactly. You jsut got served Gare bear.
Garrus:...don't call me that.
Kasumi: too late, hacked your Spacebook pge and changed your name to Gare Bear.....look at that, Shepard likes the change.
Garrus:....*runs to his terminal*

Lol, this is so much win, AD.

[sporeian]

*Meeting the illusive man for the first time*

Illusive Man: Good to see your still intact. How do you feel?

Shepard: I’m an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and I will deploy my ordinance to the ground!

IM:.......*anger slowly appears in his face*

Shepard: *Troll Face* U MAD?

Modifié par sporeian, 06 mars 2011 - 12:59 .

[ADLegend21]

Kasumi: Hey Samara.
Samara: Hello Ms. Goto. I trust you are doing well.
Kasumi: yes....and I got that thing you wanted....
Samara: *exits meditative state*...you sure no one knows?
Kasumi: unless they used Thermo vision I got in and out unnoticed. *drops Package beside Samara* If you need anyhting else let me know. *leaves observation deck*
Samara: *Opens package and pulls out an official Comamnder Shepard plushie*........*snuggles plushie*

[ADLegend21]

Tali: Thane, shoot that collector that's taking point!"
Thane: *shoots collector*
Tali: Thanks Thane. *uses combat drone* and charged into combat.
Thane: *slips into memory* My scope is blocked, purple fabric, gripping tightly to flesh, I look up and Tali'zorah's bottom is all I can see. it captivates me unlike any other sight. she calls for me to help her, I eagerly ablige. Sheis pleased. *exits memory*

[Stargatesam]

Too bad there was no Kodiak shuttle scene, it would have been awesome!

Miranda: Dammit! Will you stop touching me! Shepard! Jack is touching me again!
Jack: No I didn't! She's just trying to get me in trouble again! *sticks tongue out*
Shepard: Stop it, you two! Don't make me come back there! And, Kasumi! Stop running your hands under Jacob's shirt! We're professionals, dammit!
Jacob: Hey, I don't mind! A few inches lower and she can find the REAL priiiiiiize!
Kasume: *giggle*
Mordin: This wouldn't happen if Cerberus would have provided us actual battle armor.
Tali: I'm an SO SICK of you people!
Garrus: Tali, you're a Quarian. You're sick of everybody.
Grunt: Shepard?
Shepard: *sigh* What now, Grunt?
Grunt: I gotta go to the bathroom.

Credit goes to Abispa for the orignal post

[Caesar914]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Garrus: and then she does this thing where both of her legs are behind her ears and she's doing push ups. Needless to say my mind was blown.
Kasumi: wow she's that good in the sack. Nice catch Garrus.
Garrus:....you were there watching weren't you?
Kasumi: no, I actually wasn't this time.
Garrus: so where were you?
Kasumi: I was inside Jacob's pants.
Garrus: Jacob? nah I'm not buying it.
Kasumi: why? you don't think I'm pretty enough for him?
Garrus: what? no, as far as humans go you're good looking, but ...I never pegged Jacob as the fraternization type.
Kasumi: Why because he's stable?
Garrus: well...he was mean to Tali.
Kasumi: he was trying to help her and she was rude to him on freedoms progress.
Garrus: he was mean to thane.
Kasumi: Thane's an assasin and Jake had jobs to stop assasins before, so sue him.
Garrus: Okay...welll.....
Kasumi: my point exactly. You jsut got served Gare bear.
Garrus:...don't call me that.
Kasumi: too late, hacked your Spacebook pge and changed your name to Gare Bear.....look at that, Shepard likes the change.
Garrus:....*runs to his terminal*

SPACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!! =D

[Biotic_Warlock]

Lol, spacebook. I so want one of those!

You are a legend... in username as well it seems.

[MasterofMunchaster]

Liara: "This is so wonderful.. to actually see prothian work still intact"
Wrex: "Shut the hell up! Nobody cares about your opinions"
Liara: "....."

[antique_nova]

TIM: Don't you dare turn your back on mine Shepard, not after everying Cernerus has done for y.........
Shepard: Joker, lose this channel
TIM puffs his cigar and swirls his drink around a couple of times, before taking a sip and tapping his cigar on the ash tray. Then he clicks a button.
A button flashes on Miranda's computer
Miranda: Yes?
TIM, puts on a furrow brow and leans forward slightly, then leans back with a straight face.
TIM: *Points a finger at Miranda* Your fired!
A figure walks seductively towards TIM
TIM: And your hired...miss Yvonne Strahovski.......... my soon to be Mrs Sugar!

Who can guess my referrance?

Modifié par antique_nova, 06 mars 2011 - 01:48 .

[antique_nova]

Double post

Modifié par antique_nova, 06 mars 2011 - 01:48 .

[jamesp81]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Kasumi: Hey Samara.
Samara: Hello Ms. Goto. I trust you are doing well.
Kasumi: yes....and I got that thing you wanted....
Samara: *exits meditative state*...you sure no one knows?
Kasumi: unless they used Thermo vision I got in and out unnoticed. *drops Package beside Samara* If you need anyhting else let me know. *leaves observation deck*
Samara: *Opens package and pulls out an official Comamnder Shepard plushie*........*snuggles plushie*

That is so disturbingly cute.

[Doctor Solus]

Shepard: GARRUS, THE COLLECTORS ARE ATTACKING THE SHIP, WE NEED TO LEAVE!!
Garrus: I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of some calibrations, can it wait?
Shepard: ._.

[JoeLaTurkey]

Tali: One thing puzzles me Garrus. Why were you only given 15 hours to investigate Saren?
Garrus: ...

[Spartanburger]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Kasumi: Hey Samara.
Samara: Hello Ms. Goto. I trust you are doing well.
Kasumi: yes....and I got that thing you wanted....
Samara: *exits meditative state*...you sure no one knows?
Kasumi: unless they used Thermo vision I got in and out unnoticed. *drops Package beside Samara* If you need anyhting else let me know. *leaves observation deck*
Samara: *Opens package and pulls out an official Comamnder Shepard plushie*........*snuggles plushie*

b'daaaaaaaaaaaawwwwn'HNNNNNNGGGGG...

[Oblivious]

Stargatesam wrote...

Too bad there was no Kodiak shuttle scene, it would have been awesome!

Miranda: Dammit! Will you stop touching me! Shepard! Jack is touching me again!
Jack: No I didn't! She's just trying to get me in trouble again! *sticks tongue out*
Shepard: Stop it, you two! Don't make me come back there! And, Kasumi! Stop running your hands under Jacob's shirt! We're professionals, dammit!
Jacob: Hey, I don't mind! A few inches lower and she can find the REAL priiiiiiize!
Kasume: *giggle*
Mordin: This wouldn't happen if Cerberus would have provided us actual battle armor.
Tali: I'm an SO SICK of you people!
Garrus: Tali, you're a Quarian. You're sick of everybody.
Grunt: Shepard?
Shepard: *sigh* What now, Grunt?
Grunt: I gotta go to the bathroom.

Credit goes to Abispa for the orignal post

Gah! The win! It's too much!

[Sajuro]

Zaeed: A long time ago I was on a backwater world looking for my business partner who had betrayed me and left me for dead. We went into his factory and I set the whole place on fire. He got away, but I was the only one on the team that made it.
Shepard:.... Zaeed, we just went on that mission, everyone survived.
Zaeed: -leans back- details.

---
Zaeed: Sooo you and Shepard are..
Miranda: I don't know what you are implying Zaeed.
Zaeed: you know, you two are knocking it in the engine room?
Miranda: I find your questioning very inappropriate, but yes, Shepard and I are in a relationship.
Zaeed: So what's he like on the floor? Does he go on the top or bottom, you tell a man based on his performance.
Miranda:-blushes- this conversation is over -sees Zaeed is still looking at her- Shepard, it's leering at me.

----
Zaeed: You two take me back to my old days.
Miranda: I presume you are talking Shepard and I? Haven't we agreed not to talk anymore?
Zaeed: -ignores her- back in the day I had this woman, curvy as all hell.
Miranda: why are you still talking to me?
Zaeed: When I would get near her, just get my hand on her ass and -Zaeed begins describing animalistic love making that involves the butt of a pistol and kinetic barriers-
Miranda:

[ADLegend21]

Kasumi: Hey Grunt.
Grunt: Kasumi.
Kasumi: I bet I can beat you in an arm wrestling match.
Grunt: are you on that drug battlemaster spoke of on her mission with Samara?
Kasumi: no, I just think I could beat the perfect Krogan in ana rm wrestling match.
Grunt: fine.your funeral though. *props arm up on a crate*
Kasumi: *Grabs Grunts hand* okay...1...2....3!

*Grunt over pwoers Kasumi and has her hand almost to the crate*

Kasumi: Shepard said she hates you!
Grunt: *relaxes* what?
Kasumi: *slams Grunts hand down* I win!!!! yes! Miranda owes me 1,000 credits!
Grunt: Does...does she really hate me?
Kasumi: no, I lied to distract you.
Grunt: Alright. clever...very clever.....

[Sandbox47]

TIM: You are facing the Reapers. You will need our help.
Shep: It's that, you know, the thing.
TIM: ???
Shep: Well, I just figured that... I might just go and do it.
TIM: Is this a joke, Shepard?
Shep: Well, look at it logically.
TIM: ... It is a joke?
Shep: No. Look: Demons, undead and super-machine-demon-undeads. Right? And then there are the Geth, who are all on our side, what's left of them. And the Council. So... You know.
TIM: Be coherent!
Shep: Well, I'll just go and do it.
TIM: *sighs* You can't "just" kill the Reapers.
Shep: Why not?
TIM: ... Are you drunk?
Shep: You'd be the first to know, trust me. No. It's just that; demons, undead, robots, mercs, super-machines... There's no more room left for new enemies, is there? And I've done fairly well. So...
TIM: *nervous twitching* You cannot just beat the Reapers! You know how difficult that will be! You need resources! A plan!
Shep: Well, yeah. But, you know, as we go along. No need to rush it.
TIM: *pulls at his hair* Look! It's not that simple! You survived because I brought you back. Because you are a good tactitian and leader. You cannot abandon those traits and go gun-ho about it!
Shep: Why not?
TIM: WHY NOT!? Why not? Let's see... The Reaper armada is coming. A force like nothing we have seen before. Like nothing we can defend against. Now you tell me: Why not?
Shep: Well... I don't know. That's why I asked you. You're a funny one, you know that?
TIM: Argh! Fine. Go and just do it. But remember: you are dooming mankind through your arrogance.
Shep: Really?
TIM: Yes.
Shep: And is there anything we can do to make my arrogance fight the Reapers instead?
TIM: *brain exploded*
______________________________________________________________________________

Miranda: Oh no!
Shep: What? What?
Miranda: I've been... hit... I'm losing... consciousness...
Shep: Why?
Miranda: I've been hit!
Shep: By whom?
Miranda: One of the mercs... he shot me...
Shep: Oh... Need anything?
Miranda: ... Just get... Mordin.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Wonder what it would be like if I lived in a suit.
Tali: Don't.
Shep: Why not? It's not like it's bad for my health.
Tali: It's not the most luxurious attire either.
Shep: What if I went commando?
Tali: I thought that only men went "commando"? It's just exhibitionism if you are a woman.
Shep: Oh.
Tali: You could get fined for that.
Shep: Right.
Tali: Or get on the news.
Shep: So if a guy goes commando it's alright?
Tali: ... I don't know. Maybe if he's salarian...
Shep: Mordin!
Tali: No, no! It was a joke!
______________________________________________________________________________

Collector: Are you Shepard?
Shep: O_O Yeees..?
Collector: I am Jeff.
Shep: Hi Jeff.
Collector: I need you to sign this.
Shep: What is it?
Collector: It has come to our attention that you use our laser rifle in most of your skirmishes. In order to recieve free upgrades and news about new models and whatnot, you have to sign this for free membership of "Collector - Bug-standard Rifles!"
_______________________________________________________________________________

Modifié par Sandbox47, 08 mars 2011 - 01:12 .

[Biotic_Warlock]

Doctor Solus wrote...

Shepard: GARRUS, THE COLLECTORS ARE ATTACKING THE SHIP, WE NEED TO LEAVE!!
Garrus: I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of some calibrations, can it wait?
Shepard: ._.

[Destroy Raiden_]

Shep: Wonder what it would be like if I lived in a suit.
Tali: Don't.
Shep: Why not? It's not like it's bad for my health.
Tali: It's not the most luxurious attire either.
Shep: What if I went commando?
Tali: I thought that only men went "commando"? It's just exhibitionism if you are a woman.
Shep: Oh.
Tali: You could get fined for that.
Shep: Right.
Tali: Or get on the news.
Shep: So if a guy goes commando it's alright?
Tali: ... I don't know. Maybe if he's salarian...
Shep: Mordin!
Tali: No, no! It was a joke!
______________________________________________________________________________

Collector: Are you Shepard?
Shep: O_O Yeees..?
Collector: I am Jeff.
Shep: Hi Jeff.
Collector: I need you to sign this.
Shep: What is it?
Collector: It has come to our attention that you use our laser rifle in most of your skirmishes. In order to recieve free upgrades and news about new models and whatnot, you have to sign this for free membership of "Collector - Bug-standard Rifles!"

^ I like these two.

Modifié par Destroy Raiden , 08 mars 2011 - 04:42 .

[JoeLaTurkey]

(All entertainment facilities on the SR-2 break down and the squad is trapped in the Conference Room)

Kelly: A million bottles of beer on the wall, a million bottles of beer! Come on everybody! One falls down, it hits the ground, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine bottles of beer! One falls down, it hits the grou-

(Jack crushes Kelly with her biotics)

Modifié par JoeLaTurkey, 08 mars 2011 - 05:14 .

[Dean_the_Young]

A challenge, and an inversion of an old trope.

Instead of exagerating Kelly as showing interest in everyone on Shepard's crew, show everyone on Shepard's crew showing interest in Kelly.

Bonus points if Kelly goes to Shepard for counseling.

[A2N2T]

Shepard: Hey Garrus, you got a minute?
Garrus: Actually, I'm in the middle of so-
Renegade interrupt: Shepard Pwnch!
Shepard: **** your couch!

[Sandbox47]

@Dean
I accept your challenge!

Tali: So Kelly.
Kelly: Hello, Tali.
Tali: How are you? It must have been hard to be trapped in the collector pods. Stuck in a tiny box. Not able to leave. Unable to touch the outside world... No fresh breath of air...
Kelly: No... Well yes. But I am fine. Shepard saved us. I knew she would.
Tali: She always does. But do you think that's just your childhood talking? Maybe events in your past have caused you to become naive and potentially mentally unstable.
Kelly: Well, gosh, I don't know. I mean, aren't we all? But no... I don't think so.
Tali: Maybe you long to return to that pod? Maybe you felt that there might have been some comfort in the lack of options and space?
Kelly: O_O Nooo... Not really.
Tali: Maybe you would like to wear one of my suits? Just to see how it affects you? I mean *laughs* we have to know if you have been traumatized or not.
Kelly: O_O No... Thank you, no. I... I will go and speak with... Chakwas.
______________________________________________________________________________

Chakwas: So you are saying that Tali asked you to wear one of her suits?
Kelly: Strange, isn't it? I think that she must be lonely.
Chakwas: And she wanted you to do that because she thinks that you might long to return to that pod back on the Collector base? To relieve the moment of relief during the rescue? To see Shepard in her terrible glory once again?
Kelly: O_O I was talking about Tali... actually...
Chakwas: Don't stray off subject. I think that Tali has a valid point there.
Kelly: *runs out of the med bay* Shepard! Something's going on!
______________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Well... That was odd.
Kelly: I know.
Shep: How's this: We talk about what happened and you tell me how you felt and then I'll get the rest of the crew straight about this. How does that sound?
Kelly: Alright. I think that I do need to talk about this with someone.
Shep: So go on. Start from the begining.
Kelly: The Collectors arrived just shortly after your shuttle left. It was chaotic. They were unstoppable. And then I woke up while they were-...
Shep: Not that. I mean, why do you want to wear Tali's suit? Is it perhaps a fetish of yours?
Kelly: *facepalm* I don't want to wear Tali's suit!
Shep: Oh? That was a very agressive reply. Do you think that your hate for qurians comes from the fact that you work for Cerberus? Or maybe it has something to do with your childhood? Were you ever in a fight with a quarian when you were younger?
Kelly: Ah... I forgot that I promised to go and... see to... Thane. He was down about something.
______________________________________________________________________________

Kelly: Hi Thane. Mind if I hide here for a while?
Thane: Be my guest.
Kelly: Thanks.
Thane: So I heard that you want to wear Tali's suit and I had a question.
Kelly: *her head falls to the table* What?
Thane: Is it her suit specifically or is it just a quarian suit?
Kelly: *looks up at Thane* I don't want to wear her suit! I don't want to go back to the Collectors! I am not a racist! And I don't give a bloody damn about Cerberus! *storms off*
Thane: *into his com* She's heading your way, Garrus.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Garrus: Oh? Miss Chambers. Can I do anything for you?
Kelly: *pants* Oh... Just talk.
Garrus: Well, alright. But you won't like it.
Kelly: O_o Why not?
Garrus: I heard that you are against suits and aliens-...
*Kelly's renegade interrupt, Garrus is knocked unconscious*
_____________________________________________________________________________

Kelly: Can you believe this!? And not everyone think that I am a racist with a, a suit fetish!
Joker: O_O And you came to me?
Kelly: You are the only one who isn't affected by these things.
Joker: Ah, I knew I shouldn't have removed the turrets.
Kelly: Wha-...
Shep: Hey Kelly!
Kelly: *hides her face* Oh god...
*everyone from the sketches are standing looking at Kelly*
Tali: So Kelly...
Joker: My spider sense is telling me to duck.
Thane: What we really wanted to say was...
Joker: I mean, really, duck. Tali has a shotgun.
Garrus: Happy Birthday!
Kelly: What? Oh! Oh, wow! It was a prank!?
Shep: Of course! We'd never think of you as a racist with some weird fetish.
Kelly: Thank god. I was afraid for a moment that you'd seen my extranet search history.
Tali: Sorry?
Kelly: Hey, is that a cake?

Hmm... This didn't turn out how I expected it to.