1554 réponses à ce sujet

[Dean_the_Young]

Well, I suppose you get the bonus points. And Tali was sort of indirectly offering to share suits...

[ADLegend21]

hahahaha nice one Sandbox!!!

[ADLegend21]

a Challenge of my own:

You know how Shepard ahd two possible LI's confront her/him? well Shepard finds out heir LI is also interested in another crew memeber so they have to confront said LI and they have to choose.

annnnnndd......GO!

[ADLegend21]

Grunt: Battlemaster, hit me as hard as you can.
FShep: Grunt, where'd this come from?
Grunt: because i want to see how my strengths match up against a reaper killer!
FShep: grunt I've been over this before, i did this to wrex and we nearly killed each other.
Grunt: come on! you're a human and I am pure Krogan! take your best shot!
FShep: *punches Grunt*
Grunt: flies throughg glass in cargo hold and bounces off Kodiak shuttle, leaving a massive dent in it*
FShep: thank you heavy muscle weave *leaves Cargo hold to go talk to Tali*

[Sandbox47]

You know, I noticed that we are already up in page 37 of the party banter. And that most of the regulars (Dean, Legend, A2N2T - hats of to you guys. Sajuro, Biotic_Warlock, jamesp81, sporeian, iOnlySignIn, Shadow_Soul - many, many great additions. And betd2 - creator of this thread!) are getting better and better. I wonder if we could get a job somewhere as BioWare's "witty line writers"? Because this is pretty good stuff, based on Mass Effect as it is.

[Dean_the_Young]

We aren't that impressive. A nice thought, though.

And now for something a little different.

===

Garrus: Joker? You wanted to see me?
Joker: Garrus! Yeah, this will take a little bit, so sit down. And close the door.
Garrus: You're acting rather strange. Stranger than usual, at least.
Joker: Yeah, well, you know me. Always surprising. Anyway, I heard you and the Commander were going to...?
Garrus: Going to what? Shoot mercs? Kick ass? Take names.
Joker: Knock boots.
Garrus: Oh. Yeah. Well, I don't see how it's any of your business-
Joker: No man, no man, you misunderstand! I'm rooting for you!
Garrus: You are?
Joker: Sure. Anything that gets that broomstick out of your butt would be good by me. You could stand to relax a little, and if the Commander's into you? Why not?
Garrus: Oh. Thanks, I guess. I suppose I'll be going now...
Joker: No man, stay. See, someone's gotta talk to you about these things. You know, human women. What to do. Things are a bit different between humans and Turians, you know.
Garrus: Mordin already gave me some vids to watch and-
Joker: Hold up. Stop there. Forget about whatever porn he gave you. You want the good stuff, I'll hook you up.
Garrus: I don't know, Joker...
Joker: Really? You're going to trust some crusty old Salarian over me?
Garrus: Mordin is a doctor.
Joker: He's also a salarian. Who are you going to trust: a geezer who is biologically incapable of even sporting a hardon most of the time, or someone of the same species as the women you want to please?
Garrus: Point taken. Maybe I should go ask Miranda or Kasumi: they're women, after all.
Joker: No! I mean, is that really a discussion you want to have with Miranda? "Hey Miss Cerberus, I'd like your advice on how to nail humanity's golden child."? And you know Kasumi would just spread word about your ignorance across the ship. Me, though? Me you can trust to keep silent.
Garrus: Fine, fine. Get on with it.
Joker: Here. Watch this.
Garrus: What is this?
Joker: Think of it as a human coming of age ceremony. You watch that, and you'll learn everything you need to know about sex.
Garrus: ...Joker, why do you have your omnitool out?
Joker: Also part of the tradition. You need to be taped while watching it. Now pop it in.
Garrus: Fine, fine. But are you sure this is the right vid? I'm a male, but this is about Two Girls and One...

---

(Five minutes later.)

Garrus: (Unmoved). Huh. Didn't realize human mating was so similar to Turian mating rituals.

[ADLegend21]

thurmanator692 wrote...

Challenge: there is a disease going around the normandy that affects everybody differently. what would their interactions with Chakwas or Mordin be?

EDI: Mordin, ther's a disease out break onthe normandy, senidng data to your terminal now.
Mordin: oh, challenge, haven't dealt with diesease since plague tell crew to come to lab immediately.
*few moments go by*
Miranda: Mordin, I can't-perfect- stop saying -perfect- the word perfect - perfect.
Mordin: ah,human mental disease known as tourets, anitdote ready Ms. Lawson *gives Miranda cure*
*few more moments*
Grunt*sounds like wrex*: My vouce sounds like that Krogan that used to be part of my battlemasters crew a few years back, the one she killed.
Mordin: ah, Krogan mental instability known is "in the shadow" complex, emtal stimulant shold have you back to normal in few hours *gives cure* next!
Tali: Screw you're cure! *punches mordin in stomach*
Mordin: OW! increased aggression, immune system boosted to critical levels. *loads syringe into pistol and shoots tali* should be back to usual adorable self in a day.
Jack: Mordin, if you would be so kind as to create a medical formula to change my persona back to it's normal level, Iwould greatly appreciate the gesture.
Mordin: Jack turned....nice.....maybe cure would be disease.
Jack: if you should decline I will be forced to use my abilities to exhert physical harm to your person.
Mordin:....you drive hard bargin, mental sedative, should give immune system time to fight. *gives cure* next!
Samara: Hey there stud *caresses mordins shoudlers* how about you and me find a dark corner and embrace eternity together.
Mordin:...ah, desires incresed, metabolism similar to that of a maiden. Would adivse you to see Shepard first, hear dof emotional history, but will give you Asari friendly suppository and recommend cold shower.
Samara: why don't you join me, you could wash my back and...other areas.
Mordin: will have to decline, but strongly recommend taking it now. NEXT!
Jacob: I feel fine.
Mordin: I'll be judge of that Mr. Taylor.
Jacob: really, I'ts....Hello ladies.
Mordin: ah, extranet meme overload. Suggest better writing, will have to make call, you should be fine after night of sleep. Next!
Garrus: Ah yes "disease" I ahve dismissed that claim.
Mordin: ah, the Turian dismissal, sign of demantia norally in turians over 90 years old, will also provide mental regenration *looks for soft spot on Garrus and in stead just injects it in wound from RM* should be fine in five hours, NEXT!
Shepard: *walks in looking like mark vanderloo*
Mordin: Will send mesage to chakwas and Lawson, suffering from Marketing deparment disease, has taken on preset model appearance....looks...creepy. You should go.

[Ingehira]

This is a conversation among Zaheed, Jacob, and Shepard in the taxi from Liara's apartment to the Dracon Trade Center during the Lair of the Shadow Broker.

Z: This goddamn stinks, Shepard.
S: More specific, please?
Z: This whole crap with Liara smells like a vorcha in a sewer.
J: (sotto voce) Oh, this should be good.
Z: (ignoring him) Last time I "ran in" to a Spectre, I was tracking an Asari matriarch who managed to ****** off a whole colony of Batarian slavers.
S: She liberated the camps?
Z: Nah, she would hijack their freighters, kill the crew, then sell the slaves as indentured servants on Illium. Made a bloody fortune.
S: ...
J: ...
Z: I followed her to this dead-end rock in Urla Rast. Crawled through three feet of acid snow and broke into her base to find this Salarian leaning against a wall, waiting for me.
J: A Spectre?
Z: Goddamn right. Too well-armed to be a merc; I figured STG. He pulled out a gun and gave me a smile that would have shriveled a Krogan's quad. I took one look at the insignia and got the hell out of there. (shakes his head) Poor **** never knew what hit her.
S: What about the Batarians? They must have been displeased.
Z: Yeah, funny thing. Got back to my ship and discovered that their whole base had been leveled by a freak reactor explosion two days before. Still got paid, though.
J: Pardon me for interrupting, but what was the point of that charming story?
Z: The point, army boy, is that Spectres don't just show up when you need them. They're always where they are supposed to be. As sure as that Spectre shook her ****** on Omega, she's part of this bull****.
J: ...
S: I have to wonder; why would a Spectre get involved with hunting a corrupt matriarch?
Z: It's what you get when you sell a councilwoman's granddaughter to a Turian brothel.

[betd2]

Ingehira wrote...

This is a conversation among Zaheed, Jacob, and Shepard in the taxi from Liara's apartment to the Dracon Trade Center during the Lair of the Shadow Broker.

Z: This goddamn stinks, Shepard.
S: More specific, please?
Z: This whole crap with Liara smells like a vorcha in a sewer.
J: (sotto voce) Oh, this should be good.
Z: (ignoring him) Last time I "ran in" to a Spectre, I was tracking an Asari matriarch who managed to ****** off a whole colony of Batarian slavers.
S: She liberated the camps?
Z: Nah, she would hijack their freighters, kill the crew, then sell the slaves as indentured servants on Illium. Made a bloody fortune.
S: ...
J: ...
Z: I followed her to this dead-end rock in Urla Rast. Crawled through three feet of acid snow and broke into her base to find this Salarian leaning against a wall, waiting for me.
J: A Spectre?
Z: Goddamn right. Too well-armed to be a merc; I figured STG. He pulled out a gun and gave me a smile that would have shriveled a Krogan's quad. I took one look at the insignia and got the hell out of there. (shakes his head) Poor **** never knew what hit her.
S: What about the Batarians? They must have been displeased.
Z: Yeah, funny thing. Got back to my ship and discovered that their whole base had been leveled by a freak reactor explosion two days before. Still got paid, though.
J: Pardon me for interrupting, but what was the point of that charming story?
Z: The point, army boy, is that Spectres don't just show up when you need them. They're always where they are supposed to be. As sure as that Spectre shook her ****** on Omega, she's part of this bull****.
J: ...
S: I have to wonder; why would a Spectre get involved with hunting a corrupt matriarch?
Z: It's what you get when you sell a councilwoman's granddaughter to a Turian brothel.

That was epic!

[Sandbox47]

@hahaha ADLegend. Extranet meme overload.

[Fairhammer]

(Fem or Male, doesn't matter. Earthborn and Warhero)Shep and Kelly at the dinner:
S: So that is how I hold the line alone...
K: Wow Shepard, I only read reports about that but to hear about the Skyllian Blitz from first hand is something else.
S: Yeah, well... We've talked so much about me Kelly. I think it is time to get to know YOU better.
K: Well, I've been at College, got my diploma and now I'm here.. nothing special thought..
S: Hmm, for such an "open minded" woman, I can hardly think of an uninteresting past. So tell me,
     Who was your first lovebud' ?
K: Err.. thats kind of embarrassing. It happened when I was young, 16 I think. I bought a faked ID from a friend.
     I went to a Disco at the Citadel. I've met there somebody. We got drinks, danced a little and so one think led to another.
S: Well, thats not realy embarrassing at all.
K: Yeah... thats sounds normal at first... but it was a Krogan. *kelly blushes heavily*
S:  *jaw falling off*

[Dean_the_Young]

Ingehira wrote...

This is a conversation among Zaheed, Jacob, and Shepard in the taxi from Liara's apartment to the Dracon Trade Center during the Lair of the Shadow Broker.

Z: This goddamn stinks, Shepard.
S: More specific, please?
Z: This whole crap with Liara smells like a vorcha in a sewer.
J: (sotto voce) Oh, this should be good.
Z: (ignoring him) Last time I "ran in" to a Spectre, I was tracking an Asari matriarch who managed to ****** off a whole colony of Batarian slavers.
S: She liberated the camps?
Z: Nah, she would hijack their freighters, kill the crew, then sell the slaves as indentured servants on Illium. Made a bloody fortune.
S: ...
J: ...
Z: I followed her to this dead-end rock in Urla Rast. Crawled through three feet of acid snow and broke into her base to find this Salarian leaning against a wall, waiting for me.
J: A Spectre?
Z: Goddamn right. Too well-armed to be a merc; I figured STG. He pulled out a gun and gave me a smile that would have shriveled a Krogan's quad. I took one look at the insignia and got the hell out of there. (shakes his head) Poor **** never knew what hit her.
S: What about the Batarians? They must have been displeased.
Z: Yeah, funny thing. Got back to my ship and discovered that their whole base had been leveled by a freak reactor explosion two days before. Still got paid, though.
J: Pardon me for interrupting, but what was the point of that charming story?
Z: The point, army boy, is that Spectres don't just show up when you need them. They're always where they are supposed to be. As sure as that Spectre shook her ****** on Omega, she's part of this bull****.
J: ...
S: I have to wonder; why would a Spectre get involved with hunting a corrupt matriarch?
Z: It's what you get when you sell a councilwoman's granddaughter to a Turian brothel.

To paraphase a cynical Australian:

That was damn damn damn damn good good goood damn damn good good damn good.

[jamesp81]

Sandbox47 wrote...

You know, I noticed that we are already up in page 37 of the party banter. And that most of the regulars (Dean, Legend, A2N2T - hats of to you guys. Sajuro, Biotic_Warlock, jamesp81, sporeian, iOnlySignIn, Shadow_Soul - many, many great additions. And betd2 - creator of this thread!) are getting better and better. I wonder if we could get a job somewhere as BioWare's "witty line writers"? Because this is pretty good stuff, based on Mass Effect as it is.

Holy crap, I'm famous.  I think this might be the first I've ever been recognized for my writing

[Ingehira]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Ingehira wrote...

This is a conversation among Zaheed, Jacob, and Shepard in the taxi from Liara's apartment to the Dracon Trade Center during the Lair of the Shadow Broker.

Z: This goddamn stinks, Shepard.
S: More specific, please?
Z: This whole crap with Liara smells like a vorcha in a sewer.
J: (sotto voce) Oh, this should be good.
Z: (ignoring him) Last time I "ran in" to a Spectre, I was tracking an Asari matriarch who managed to ****** off a whole colony of Batarian slavers.
S: She liberated the camps?
Z: Nah, she would hijack their freighters, kill the crew, then sell the slaves as indentured servants on Illium. Made a bloody fortune.
S: ...
J: ...
Z: I followed her to this dead-end rock in Urla Rast. Crawled through three feet of acid snow and broke into her base to find this Salarian leaning against a wall, waiting for me.
J: A Spectre?
Z: Goddamn right. Too well-armed to be a merc; I figured STG. He pulled out a gun and gave me a smile that would have shriveled a Krogan's quad. I took one look at the insignia and got the hell out of there. (shakes his head) Poor **** never knew what hit her.
S: What about the Batarians? They must have been displeased.
Z: Yeah, funny thing. Got back to my ship and discovered that their whole base had been leveled by a freak reactor explosion two days before. Still got paid, though.
J: Pardon me for interrupting, but what was the point of that charming story?
Z: The point, army boy, is that Spectres don't just show up when you need them. They're always where they are supposed to be. As sure as that Spectre shook her ****** on Omega, she's part of this bull****.
J: ...
S: I have to wonder; why would a Spectre get involved with hunting a corrupt matriarch?
Z: It's what you get when you sell a councilwoman's granddaughter to a Turian brothel.

To paraphase a cynical Australian:

That was damn damn damn damn good good goood damn damn good good damn good.

Hee, thank you. It's actually probably part of this silly fanfic I'm planning. I love Zaheed and try to bring him along whenever I can.

[Shadow_Soul]

Renegade, female Shepard and Miranda are in Miranda's office.

Shepard: Let me get this straight, so they are alternate universes. And in some I'm in a relationship with Liara, Kaidan, Thane, Kelly, Jacob or Samara.
Miranda: That is exactly what I'm saying. And in some, your also with myself, Jack, Ashley, Morinth, Tali or are single. And in some your also a man. Your can also be a good paragon.
Shepard: O_o I will not believe this. There is this universe and I'm with Garrus, damn it!
Miranda: But it's all true.
*Shepard's head explodes*
Miranda: Start up project Lazerus, stat!

[BeGodlyBeLynn]

I-AM-KROGAN wrote...

Shep: Mordin, i need help i really want to have a relationship with jack but her biotic powers scare me.<br />
<br />
Mordin: I know what you need...<br />
<br />
Shep: What?<br />
<br />
Mordin: Anti-Biotics.<br />
<br />
<br />
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hahaah, I saw a Halolz comic like this once. 

[ADLegend21]

Shadow_Soul wrote...

Renegade, female Shepard and Miranda are in Miranda's office.

Shepard: Let me get this straight, so they are alternate universes. And in some I'm in a relationship with Liara, Kaidan, Thane, Kelly, Jacob or Samara.
Miranda: That is exactly what I'm saying. And in some, your also with myself, Jack, Ashley, Morinth, Tali or are single. And in some your also a man. Your can also be a good paragon.
Shepard: O_o I will not believe this. There is this universe and I'm with Garrus, damn it!
Miranda: But it's all true.
*Shepard's head explodes*
Miranda: Start up project Lazerus, stat!

bahahahaha.

[Sajuro]

-Jack makes fun of Ashley during LI encounter in ME3-
Jack: So you believe in God huh? You know, the kind that is just and all of that horse****.
Ashley: Do you have a problem with that?
Jack: Tell me, how does your "God" explain what happened to me on Teltin? What about how Shepard's family abandoned him on earth and then his whole unit was wiped out on Akuze because Cerberus wanted to see how long marines lasted against thresher maws?
Ashley: God works in mysterious ways.
Jack: Yes, he works in mysterious ways for all of those children sold into slavery. If anyone else did all of that ****, they would be called evil ****s, but God gets to be 'mysterious'
Ashley: I don't give a damn if you don't believe in God, but don't attack my faith just because you've had a messed up life.
Shepard: Ashley's right Jack, stop making fun of her false god.

[ADLegend21]

Sajuro wrote...

-Jack makes fun of Ashley during LI encounter in ME3-
Jack: So you believe in God huh? You know, the kind that is just and all of that horse****.
Ashley: Do you have a problem with that?
Jack: Tell me, how does your "God" explain what happened to me on Teltin? What about how Shepard's family abandoned him on earth and then his whole unit was wiped out on Akuze because Cerberus wanted to see how long marines lasted against thresher maws?
Ashley: God works in mysterious ways.
Jack: Yes, he works in mysterious ways for all of those children sold into slavery. If anyone else did all of that ****, they would be called evil ****s, but God gets to be 'mysterious'
Ashley: I don't give a damn if you don't believe in God, but don't attack my faith just because you've had a messed up life.
Shepard: Ashley's right Jack, stop making fun of her false god.

Ashley: *Shoots both with her boomstick* Mysterious ways.

[Ice Cold J]

That Yellow Bastard wrote...

Wrex: So tell me, Thane, who would win in a fight between you and Shepard?

Thane: I certainly hope it does not come to that. There are other ways to solve problems than a fight. I don't think it will come to the point me and Shepard have to fight.

Zaeed: I'd kill you all with my bare hands if it came to that.

Wrex: Please, killing you would be as simple as wringing the neck of a runt varren with an attitude problem.

Zaeed: You want me to kick your ass?

Wrex: I want you to try.

Excellence.

[Ice Cold J]

Shepard: "Do you have a minute?"
Garrus: "Can it wait a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations?"
Mordin: "Probability unlikely. Operative Vakarian has been engaging calibrations for several days now. More likely scenario, doesn't want to talk or deal with commander."
Garrus: "...If only he was within my reach..."