1554 réponses à ce sujet

[Ramirez Wolfen]

Legion and Tali playing checkers. Legion wins in 5 moves



Tali: How did you win in 5 moves?



(Legion says nothing)



Tali: Legion?



Legion: This platform has reached a consensus. Tali-Creator is a noob as has been pwned.

[Bluko]

Legion:"Shepard-Commander this platform has an inquiry in regards to recent activities aboard the Normandy."

Shepard:"Uh go ahead Legion."

Legion:"We have noted a 64.61% increase in the amount of time Shepard-Commander has spent with creator Tali'Zorah in the past two weeks. We do not understand the logic behind this."

Shepard:"Umm... well it's complicated Legion."

Legion:"Recent habits suggest the possibility of attempts at animal mating. It should be noted that interspecies breeding between humans and the creator race is unviable and carries a 94.65% chance of creator species contracting harmful pathogens."

Tali:"Oh keelah..."

Shepard:"Well Legion we organic lifeforms often experience this thing known as love and-"

Legion:"This platform is incapable of experiencing any form of emotions that organics can, though we know of them."

Tali:"That's what Shepard is trying to explain Legion. Wait is this why... you were scanning my Omni-Tool?!"

Legion:"..." *awkward eye movement*

Tali:"Why you little bosh'tet!"

Shepard:"Woah woah let's all just settle down here. You know Legion maybe it's time we took you to club Afterlife with the rest of the fellas for a-"

Tali:"WHAT?!"

Shepard:"I should go." *sprints away*

Legion:"This platform should note that the data made available for this inquiry came from Moreau-Pilot's personal vid files."

[The Unfallen]

Bluko wrote...

Legion:"Shepard-Commander this platform has an inquiry in regards to recent activities aboard the Normandy."

Shepard:"Uh go ahead Legion."

Legion:"We have noted a 64.61% increase in the amount of time Shepard-Commander has spent with creator Tali'Zorah in the past two weeks. We do not understand the logic behind this."

Shepard:"Umm... well it's complicated Legion."

Legion:"Recent habits suggest the possibility of attempts at animal mating. It should be noted that interspecies breeding between humans and the creator race is unviable and carries a 94.65% chance of creator species contracting harmful pathogens."

Tali:"Oh keelah..."

Shepard:"Well Legion we organic lifeforms often experience this thing known as love and-"

Legion:"This platform is incapable of experiencing any form of emotions that organics can, though we know of them."

Tali:"That's what Shepard is trying to explain Legion. Wait is this why... you were scanning my Omni-Tool?!"

Legion:"..." *awkward eye movement*

Tali:"Why you little bosh'tet!"

Shepard:"Woah woah let's all just settle down here. You know Legion maybe it's time we took you to club Afterlife with the rest of the fellas for a-"

Tali:"WHAT?!"

Shepard:"I should go." *sprints away*

Legion:"This platform should note that the data made available for this inquiry came from Moreau-Pilot's personal vid files."

XD

[CROAT_56]

That Yellow Bastard wrote...

Bluko wrote...

Legion:"Shepard-Commander this platform has an inquiry in regards to recent activities aboard the Normandy."

Shepard:"Uh go ahead Legion."

Legion:"We have noted a 64.61% increase in the amount of time Shepard-Commander has spent with creator Tali'Zorah in the past two weeks. We do not understand the logic behind this."

Shepard:"Umm... well it's complicated Legion."

Legion:"Recent habits suggest the possibility of attempts at animal mating. It should be noted that interspecies breeding between humans and the creator race is unviable and carries a 94.65% chance of creator species contracting harmful pathogens."

Tali:"Oh keelah..."

Shepard:"Well Legion we organic lifeforms often experience this thing known as love and-"

Legion:"This platform is incapable of experiencing any form of emotions that organics can, though we know of them."

Tali:"That's what Shepard is trying to explain Legion. Wait is this why... you were scanning my Omni-Tool?!"

Legion:"..." *awkward eye movement*

Tali:"Why you little bosh'tet!"

Shepard:"Woah woah let's all just settle down here. You know Legion maybe it's time we took you to club Afterlife with the rest of the fellas for a-"

Tali:"WHAT?!"

Shepard:"I should go." *sprints away*

Legion:"This platform should note that the data made available for this inquiry came from Moreau-Pilot's personal vid files."

XD

I just got laughed at for laughing out loud.  This was a good one

[Alarieliia]

Zrvan wrote...



Grunt: You're a father.

Thane: That is correct. Did Shepard disclose the nature of the mission on the Citadel?

Grunt: Yes. He said you have a son who needed rescuing.

Thane: That is a succinct summary.

Grunt: He also said that you would do anything for your son.

Thane: Any father would.

Grunt: Would you die to protect him?

Thane: If I believed that my death would benefit him, and there were no alternatives, yes, I would.

Grunt: Even if you were not dying?

Thane: Yes.

Grunt: The voice in the tank had a word for this: sacrifice. The krogan word for it is different from the turian and asari words.

Thane: Do you find the idea of sacrifice confusing?

Grunt: No. I know sacrifice -- at the battle of Kores-da, General Valerian sent over a hundred auxiliaries to die to secure the landing platform at the south end of the gorge.

Thane: Forgive me, my command of turian military history is lacking.

Grunt: What I do not understand is the difference between a father sacrificing his life for his child, and a commander sacrificing his troops to secure victory.

Thane: You believe there is a difference?

Grunt: Warlord Bete once said 'A commander must be both father and torturer to his troops.'

Thane: Perhaps Warlord Bete was reflecting on the two aspects of being an officer: one who must be attached to his troops, so that he will not spend their lives needlessly, but not shirk his duty of enforcing discipline within his ranks, else his men will die.

Grunt: I understand the lesson. What I wonder about is the 'father' part.

Thane: Wonder?

Grunt: You are a father. Would you sacrifice your son for victory?

Thane: I do not wish to continue this discussion.

I could totally see this.



Really good work to everyone btdubbs. I was rolling for a good while.

[Dean_the_Young]

Is there anyone Samara won't openly muse on whether she's obligated to try and bring to justice for past indiscretions. crimes, and cover ups?

[ADLegend21]

Shep: Oh my god...it's a human reaper!

Miranda: How are we going to destroy this?

Legion: We have reached a consensus. This new old machine's blue prints indicate that the finished product will resemble Shepard-Commander.

Shep:......Wait a minute now this could be good now.

Miranda: How could this be good?

Shep:Watching me fly through space and destroying crap, then I'd take control and be my own reaper and kill Them! The first human female reaper!

Legion: We beleive Shepard-Commander has fallen into madness.

[Iakus]

Tali:  Does Shepard seem different to you?

Garrus:  I don't know.  Humans aren't always easy to read.  And Shepard's hard to read even for one of them.

Tali:  I heard about what happened on Horizon.  After everything he's been through, and to be spurned by one of his most trusted allies...that has to hurt.

Garrus.  I know.  Between dying and coming back to life, losing everything, friends, the old Normandy, the squad.  His warnings ignored.  Now being forced to work for an organization his own people brand as terrorists...I don't know how he can stay so calm.

Tali:  I don't know whether to be reassured or frightened for his sanity.

Shepard:  I'm standing right here, you know.

Garrus and Tali:  Sorry, Shepard.

Modifié par iakus, 21 décembre 2010 - 12:04 .

[Iakus]

Legion: Creator Tali'Zorah...

Tali: Please stop calling me that! I am not your creator!

Legion: Tali'Zorah is quarian. Quarians are the creators of the geth. Therefore, Tali'Zorah is in fact a Creator.

Tali: The quarians who created the geth have been dead for centuries. Please think of something else to call me,
if you must.

Legion: Very well.

Legion ::pause::

Legion: Meatbag Tali'Zorah...

Tali: Oh keelah...

Modifié par iakus, 21 décembre 2010 - 12:20 .

[earthbornFemShep]

Garrus: I see you are referring to Commander Shepard as 'battlemaster' now.

Grunt: What of it?

Garrus: I just think it's... /interesting/ that you have taken such a liking to the commander.

Grunt: Shepard is a warrior of no equal. She has earned her title through a sea of blood.

Garrus: So... no other reason?

Grunt: What are you driving at, Turian?

Garrus: What?!! Nothing!

Shepard: Drop it guys, we've got work to do.

Grunt: Yeah, maybe you should get back to your calibrations, Garrus.

Garrus: *sigh*

[I-AM-KROGAN]

Shep: Mordin, i need help i really want to have a relationship with jack but her biotic powers scare me.



Mordin: I know what you need...



Shep: What?



Mordin: Anti-Biotics.





YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Angel-Shinkiro]

Most of these are funnier then what is said in game, if were lucky Bioware might put these in.

[Alarieliia]

I-AM-KROGAN wrote...

Shep: Mordin, i need help i really want to have a relationship with jack but her biotic powers scare me.

Mordin: I know what you need...

Shep: What?

Mordin: Anti-Biotics.


YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHAHAHAHAHA! Yes! 

[aeetos21]

Jack: "I won't kill you."

Miranda: "What?"

Jack: "For a Cerberus ****-"

Miranda: "Former."

Jack: "Former Cerberus **** - you 'aint all that ****ed in the head."

Miranda: "I umm - I don't really know-"

Jack: "Then shutup and let me finish! It was good, what happened at the end. When you told that mother****er off and I get that you aren't on the even with what those sick ****s did to me. And, ****, we've gone to hell and back together so what I guess I'm trying to say is..."

Miranda: "Not friends I hope."

Jack: "What? **** no never that! Damn, probably just Shepard wearing off on me."

Miranda: "Yes... he has a way of doing so."

Jack: "Yeah? Huh, yeah I guess you aren't as ****ed in the head as you used to be."

Miranda: "Coming from you I'll take that as a compliment and I suppose I should also say that my abrasiveness at the onset didn't help matters either so - peace?"

Jack: "That depends, you gonna dish what "the man" is like in the sack or what?"

Miranda: "Not on your life."

Jack: "Figures, oh and one last thing. As far as boss man goes we're still at each others throats."

Miranda: "Couldn't agree more."

Shepard: "Got our Intel."

Jack: "Took you long enough. You know I don't like babysitting cheerleaders: ex-Cerberus or not."

Miranda: "Who are we picking up?"

Shepard: "The Alliance is sending us an official liaison... its Ashley Williams."

Miranda: "Wait - the Ashley Williams? Chief Williams? The one you were involved with prior to-"

Shepard: "Yes, redundant, and yes."

Miranda: "Well that's bloody marvelous!"

Shepard: "Miranda wait!"

Jack: "Man, can't believe I almost killed that ****. This is gonna be fun as hell."

Modifié par aeetos21, 21 décembre 2010 - 04:02 .

[Assasin4Hire]

Shepard walks into the cafeteria portion of the ship, Zaeed, Garrus, and Thane are sitting at a table

Zaeed:...So Grazen decides he and Mortak are going to double cross me, the order their mercs to fill me full of holes. I flashbang their asses and run behind a crate. Grazen starts talking about how he'll blow up the whole warehouse to find me. He calls in a bloody YMIR mech that's starts shooting up everything in site, that's when I relalize that I've only got one shot left in my gun.

Garrus: So how did you handle it?

Zaeed:I activate my Armor-piercing modifications and head-shot the dam mech! the thing goes into self destruct mode and blows Grazen, Mortack and their entire squad to hell! *leans back in his chair* So any of you got some stories?

Garrus: Once on Omega I was listening in on a Blood Pack meeting. I was up in the vents and was signaling my men to take up positions outside the base. Once we got the info we were going to kill them. You ever seen a Blood Pack meeting? it's chaos....The Krogan talk while the Vorcha got high on illegal drugs and fought. They had just brought in a package of some human drug, "cocain" I think it was? And they were going nuts over it, onlytime I think I've seen a Vorcha laugh. One of the Krogan comes in telling his boss that my squad had been seen outside the base. I had to think fast so I popped a inferno grenade into the drug supply. lit up the whole thing, everyone in the room started going crazy. I called my men and told them to storm the base. Right after that was when they started calling me Archangle.

Zaeed: Good story. Thane? what about you.

Thane: As an assasin my tales of death are not as spectacular as yours.

Zaeed: Oh come off it you must have one that you remeber

Garrus: *Shakes head*

Thane: Dust filling my lungs. unknown insect scurries by me. Look through vent and wait. Elcor leaves store his lumbering footsteps echo throught the vent. tough skin would make guns useless for a quick kill. Pull kinfe out of sheath. See my reflection in blade before leaping out of vent. Cut achellies tendon on back legs to cripple. Slide under to attack soft belly. stomach splits open. blood falls on me. Elcor screams ringing in my ear.

Garrus: That was...disturbing.

Modifié par Assasin4Hire, 21 décembre 2010 - 11:17 .

[N7Infernox]

This thread is hilarious! I especially love the ones with Legion.

[Iakus]

Mordin:  Grunt, do you see something overt there?

Grunt?  Huh?  I don't se...OW!  What did you do?

Mordin:  Thank you.  Nothing, just took some blood for study

Grunt?  My blood?  Tell me why, little salarian, before I feed you your own microscope.

Mordin:  Because, you represent a mystery of medical science.  You are a "pure krogan"  which is something of a misnomer, since all krogan are by definition "pure".  Krogan can't breed with any other species save asari, and those children are all asari.  A more correct term would be you are an "ideal" krogan.  Created from Collector technology.  In studying you, can get a greater sense of how Collector technology works.  Learn more about the capabilities of the Collectors.  That's worth a small amount of blood, is it not?

Grunt: Well, stop it.  Go bother Shepard.  He was brought back from the dead with some wierd Cerberus technology, wasn't he?

Mordin:  Hmm, true true.  Commander Shepard, do you see something over there...?

[Alphia]

These are hilarious, keep 'em coming!

[MajesticJazz]

Dark_Caduceus wrote...

Shepard: You're black.
Jacob: I know.

Not even 10 replies and someone had to bring up Jacob's skin color.

Seriously, get out more.

[harmonator62]

Kelly: Jacob, I've noticed that you don't seem to be connecting with anyone on the ship. Do you want to talk about it?



Jacob: No. I'm cool. I don't need any of your pyscho-mumbo-jumbo.



Kelly: I am only trying to do my job Jacob, gosh. Both you and Garrus have sticks up your-you-know-wheres.



Jacob: What are you saying?



Kelly: If you want me to file a report about how you attempted suicide by overloading the M-920 Cain over there, keep giving me the cold-shoulder.



Jacob: Alright fine, what do you want?



Kelly: Meet me in the Commander's quaters the next time he leaves on a mission without you. *Wink*

[Mecha Tengu]

someone do legion and mordin. Been trying it myself, but impossible to make

[betd2]

Tali and Garrus are dragging a drunk Fem Shep back to the Normandy.
Shep: Ya, know you two are probly the besth friends I have.  I mean seriously, Ash goes and yells at me fer trying ta rescue her frm the collectors, why? cause I have'ta work with Cerberus to save the flippin universe. again!
Garrus: I know, I was there, I didn't even get a "Hello Garrus, nice to see you."
Shep: and Liara, well she's got her 'hole revenge thing with the Shadow Brolker, and Wrex is busy savin his people. Everybody's too busy to help me save the universe...  'Cept you guys, I love you two.
Tali: That's nice Shepard.
Shep: I really mean it, you guys are my rock.
Tali goes to open the airlock
Shep: You know Tali, you gotta nice ass
Tali:
Shep:  Liara has a pretty nice ass too but yours is better.

[Assasin4Hire]

(After doing Mordins Loyalty mission with Zaeed)

*Zaeed has every one gathered in the mess hall*

Shep: What's this about Zaeed?

Za: I'll tell you what this is about! Someone. Stole. Jessie!

Miranda: What? you pull us all away from our stations because someone stole your rifle?

Za: She's not just a rifle! Like you would know what it's like to be attatched to something, seeing how you've had everything handed to you on a goddam golden platter. *Walks towards Kasumi* You make a living off stealing presciouse items, where'd you stash her? Huh??

Kas: You really think I'd some crappy rifle on a ship full of security cameras? I would probaly take something a little more valuable

Legion: This platform notes that Dr. Chakawas diamond earings have been missing for twent-seven hours

Kas: *whisper* Shut up Legion

Jacob: We understand that that rifle...

Za: Her name is Jessie!

Jaco:That Jessie is important to you, but none of us took it

Za: Why do you say that? got a guilty conscience soldier boy? Wanted to play Merc with my Jessie did you?

*Mordin walks in*

Mordin: Zaeed! *Notices rest of crew* hmm, people gathered round Zaeed. Caught in crime? No, no weapons drawn. Giving pep talk? No. *Sniff* A trial! Someone has done something and Zaeed is being Judge Juror *sniff* and exacutor.

Za: Mordin where has your red salarien ass been? I called for everyone to be here fifteen goddam minutes ago. You better have a dam good reaso-

*Mordin holds out Jessie, cleaned of rust*

Za: Jess-Jessie?

Mor: Patched her up as thank you present for helping me on Tuchanka. Upped her ammo output and clip size, also removed blockage in barrel, piece of Batarien fingbone. Very disturbing.

*Zaeed examins Jessie*

Za: Mordin! your okay in my book! She's like new! better than new! Oh someone please give me something to shoot!

Tali: Oh keilah, Mordin you've created a monster

*Everyone leaves while Zaeed talks about his gun*

[Cra5y Pineapple]

betd2 wrote...

Tali and Garrus are dragging a drunk Fem Shep back to the Normandy.
Shep: Ya, know you two are probly the besth friends I have.  I mean seriously, Ash goes and yells at me fer trying ta rescue her frm the collectors, why? cause I have'ta work with Cerberus to save the flippin universe. again!
Garrus: I know, I was there, I didn't even get a "Hello Garrus, nice to see you."
Shep: and Liara, well she's got her 'hole revenge thing with the Shadow Brolker, and Wrex is busy savin his people. Everybody's too busy to help me save the universe...  'Cept you guys, I love you two.
Tali: That's nice Shepard.
Shep: I really mean it, you guys are my rock.
Tali goes to open the airlock
Shep: You know Tali, you gotta nice ass
Tali:
Shep:  Liara has a pretty nice ass too but yours is better.

This is so much win.

And I loved the Jessie thing too.

[Alienmorph]

Assasin4Hire wrote...

(After doing Mordins Loyalty mission with Zaeed)
*Zaeed has every one gathered in the mess hall*
Shep: What's this about Zaeed?
Za: I'll tell you what this is about! Someone. Stole. Jessie!
Miranda: What? you pull us all away from our stations because someone stole your rifle?
Za: She's not just a rifle! Like you would know what it's like to be attatched to something, seeing how you've had everything handed to you on a goddam golden platter. *Walks towards Kasumi* You make a living off stealing presciouse items, where'd you stash her? Huh??
Kas: You really think I'd some crappy rifle on a ship full of security cameras? I would probaly take something a little more valuable
Legion: This platform notes that Dr. Chakawas diamond earings have been missing for twent-seven hours
Kas: *whisper* Shut up Legion
Jacob: We understand that that rifle...
Za: Her name is Jessie!
Jaco:That Jessie is important to you, but none of us took it
Za: Why do you say that? got a guilty conscience soldier boy? Wanted to play Merc with my Jessie did you?
*Mordin walks in*
Mordin: Zaeed! *Notices rest of crew* hmm, people gathered round Zaeed. Caught in crime? No, no weapons drawn. Giving pep talk? No. *Sniff* A trial! Someone has done something and Zaeed is being Judge Juror *sniff* and exacutor.
Za: Mordin where has your red salarien ass been? I called for everyone to be here fifteen goddam minutes ago. You better have a dam good reaso-
*Mordin holds out Jessie, cleaned of rust*
Za: Jess-Jessie?
Mor: Patched her up as thank you present for helping me on Tuchanka. Upped her ammo output and clip size, also removed blockage in barrel, piece of Batarien fingbone. Very disturbing.
*Zaeed examins Jessie*
Za: Mordin! your okay in my book! She's like new! better than new! Oh someone please give me something to shoot!
Tali: Oh keilah, Mordin you've created a monster
*Everyone leaves while Zaeed talks about his gun*

There was a fanfic with a very similar situation, the only difference was that Tali repaired Jessie and not Mordin. This is pretty nice written BtW ^^

Modifié par Alienmorph, 22 décembre 2010 - 06:25 .