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[Abrams216]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Challenge, Jacob and Samara talk about whatever...
aaaaaaaaaand....GO!

First time doint this, so I hope this isn't too bad.  Anyway...


Samara:  Thank you for your warm welcome onto the Normandy, Jacob.

Jacob:  No problem Samara.  We're all in this mess together, it will be an honor working with a justicar.

Samara:  I'm glad you felt this way.  I am unsure how to feel about Commander Shepard.  I have no doubt that she wishes to stop the Reapers, and kill any evildoers while doing so.  However, I saw what she did to that small group of Eclipse mercenaries outside of where we met.

Jacob:  What did she do?  I wasn't there, but it couldn't have been that bad, could it?

Samara:  She killed them with, what was that weapon called?  The M-920 Cain?  It caused a very large explosion.

Jacob: There must have been a lot mercs.  Also, we just built that weapon, maybe she just wanted to experiment with it.

Samara:  There were five.  Two asari, and three LOKI mechs.  Also,  I am unfamiliar with human victory customs, but felt uncomfortable nonetheless.  After her squad confirmed that those mercenaries were killed.  She then proceeded to yell obscenities at what little remained of them.

Jacob:  She gets a little excited sometimes...

Samara:  That did not concern me as much as her rolling around in their ashes, talking about how she should collect the ashes to mix with her cocoa.

Jacob:  Shepard talks like that sometimes.  She didn't collect any, did she?

Samara:  Not that I saw.  Anyway, I am taking a heavy risk with Shepard.  However, the prize of saving the galaxy will be well worth it.  Good day, Jacob.

Jacob:  Good bye, Samara.  (Thinking to himself) A heavy risk, eh?  but the prize?  I like that!  I should try that line sometime!

[Interactive Civilian]

Abrams216 wrote...

Samara:  Not that I saw.  Anyway, I am taking a heavy risk with Shepard.  However, the prize of saving the galaxy will be well worth it.  Good day, Jacob.

Jacob:  Good bye, Samara.  (Thinking to himself) A heavy risk, eh?  but the prize?  I like that!  I should try that line sometime!

Heh. Excellent.

This is kind of a cross post from the femshep thread, but it kind of fits with inter-party banter, it takes a dig at Tali (ease up, Tali Fans; I like her, too... sometimes it's just so easy to poke fun, though  ), and has pictures to go with it.
----------


"Alright, Legion. First one to miss a headshot has to hug Tali if she cries..."
"Affirmative, Shepard-commander... Shepard-Commander! Is that a spider on your shoulder or just a trick of the light?"
"WhaAA??" *BLAM*  (missed headshot)
"Consensus reached. It was a trick of the light."
"DAMMIT, LEGION!"


*clicking noises from Legion which sound suspiciously like chuckling*

[Valikdu]

(Jacob throws a grenade at some enemies and it accidentally gets stuck on the wall in front of them)

Shepard: YOU FOOL!!
Miranda: You're in my way, sir.

[Sandbox47]

Shep: What's that?
Garrus: What?
Shep: That thing.
Garrus: Oh. Just some merc.
Shep: Really?
Garrus: Well... it's a part of some merc.
Shep: Ah. What's it doing here?
Garrus: Don't know. Think it wants money.
Shep: Oh yeah. It's a hand. I see that now.
Garrus: Should we give it something?
Shep: I don't know. I don't think it's here for money.
Garrus: It might be an assassin.
Shep: It might be. Aren't they usually taller?
Garrus: No, it's the proportions that matter, not the size.
Shep: Oh. Well, he's proportionally smaller than usual.
Garrus: We don't know, do we?
Shep: True. Let's find the body to which it belongs first.
*look out over dozens of bloody corpses*
Shep: Alright. Look for someone who's lefthanded.
Garrus: Why?
Shep: He lost his right hand. So naturally, he's learned by now to use his left.
______________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Is that an YMIR?
Garrus: Could be.
Shep: No time for could be. It's advancing. Make up your mind - is it or is it not?
Garrus: I don't know.
Shep: Well should we ask?
Garrus: I don't think that it'll tell us.
Shep: Alright, let's try to reason it out.
Garrus: Do YMIR have wheels?
Shep: No.
Garrus: Then I don't think it's an YMIR.
Shep: Why not?
Garrus: It has no wheels.
Shep: Good point.
Garrus: What do we do now?
Shep: I don't know. Do we know what it is?
Garrus: I think that I've seen it before in a dream.
Shep: Really? What was it?
Garrus: An undead night-ghoul with powers of insanity.
Shep: No, I mean the dream.
Garrus: I don't know. I don't remember my dreams.
Shep: Ah.
*they get run over by a cunningly set bulldozer*
______________________________________________________________________

Shep: Can we talk?
Garrus: I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
Shep: Oh. Which ones?
Garrus: The good ones.
Shep: Can I join?
Garrus: They won't like it.
Shep: I'll be quiet.
Garrus: Alright. But they are very suspicious of nature.
Shep: Really?
Garrus: Yes.
Shep: Are they ever right?
Garrus: About what?
Shep: Their suspicions?
Garrus: I don't know. Have you seen a dragon running around here somewhere?
Shep: I haven't really looked for one. I can't tell.
Garrus: Oh. Well then I don't know.
Shep: What happens when they get suspicious?
Garrus: Normandy shoots.
Shep: Oh. Shoots what?
Garrus: Wreckage,
Shep: Why do we shoot at wreckage?
Garrus: I don't know. But whenever I see a ship and fire it becomes wreckage.
Shep: Odd that.
Garrus: Agreed.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Hi Joker.
Joker: Commander.
Shep: How's it going?
Joker: We're almost at the Citadel dock. Not much further now.
Shep: Wait. I told you to go to Omega.
Joker: No, you told me to go to Ilium.
Shep: I thought so. And why are we here?
Joker: Because for some freakish reason you sent me this: *shows a note to Shep*
Shep: What's this?
Joker: You sent me a note saying that you meant Citadel.
Shep: I know.
Joker: Well then-...
Shep: But why are we here?
Joker: Because you told me to go to Ilium! That was Citadel!
Shep: Huh. That doesn't sound like me.
Joker: *over the com* Chakwas, take a look at Shepard. She doing something.
___________________________________________________________________________

Shep: What's wrong?
Chakwas: That's what we're about to find out. The scans show nothing out of the ordinary but Joker tells me that you have been acting strangely.
Shep: He does?
Chakwas: He seemed rather unnerved. More than usual.
Shep: He's usually a nerv?
Chakwas: "Un" nerved.
Shep: Oh. Is it dangerous?
Chakwas: No, it's just an expression.
Shep: Because if he flies into a volcano I'll fire him.
Chakwas: I don't think that you'll need to, if we ever fly into a volcano.
Shep: Well I can't just let him fly wherever he wants with no reprecautions!
Chakwas: Burning in a volcano isn't bad enough?
Shep: I don't know. Depends on what he did.
Chakwas: He flew into it.
Shep: That doesn't sound like Joker.
Chakwas: *sighs* Here, take these.
Shep: What's that?
Chakwas: It'll let you sleep.
Shep: But I'm not sleepy.
Chakwas: These will make you sleepy.
Shep: But what if Joker crashes into a volcano while I'm asleep?
Chakwas: If he does then you can fire him.
Shep: Oh good. I'll have the dragon deal with him.

[Dave666]

Sandbox47 wrote...

Shep: What's that?
Garrus: What?
Shep: That thing.
Garrus: Oh. Just some merc.
Shep: Really?
Garrus: Well... it's a part of some merc.
Shep: Ah. What's it doing here?
Garrus: Don't know. Think it wants money.
Shep: Oh yeah. It's a hand. I see that now.
Garrus: Should we give it something?
Shep: I don't know. I don't think it's here for money.
Garrus: It might be an assassin.
Shep: It might be. Aren't they usually taller?
Garrus: No, it's the proportions that matter, not the size.
Shep: Oh. Well, he's proportionally smaller than usual.
Garrus: We don't know, do we?
Shep: True. Let's find the body to which it belongs first.
*look out over dozens of bloody corpses*
Shep: Alright. Look for someone who's lefthanded.
Garrus: Why?
Shep: He lost his right hand. So naturally, he's learned by now to use his left.
______________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Is that an YMIR?
Garrus: Could be.
Shep: No time for could be. It's advancing. Make up your mind - is it or is it not?
Garrus: I don't know.
Shep: Well should we ask?
Garrus: I don't think that it'll tell us.
Shep: Alright, let's try to reason it out.
Garrus: Do YMIR have wheels?
Shep: No.
Garrus: Then I don't think it's an YMIR.
Shep: Why not?
Garrus: It has no wheels.
Shep: Good point.
Garrus: What do we do now?
Shep: I don't know. Do we know what it is?
Garrus: I think that I've seen it before in a dream.
Shep: Really? What was it?
Garrus: An undead night-ghoul with powers of insanity.
Shep: No, I mean the dream.
Garrus: I don't know. I don't remember my dreams.
Shep: Ah.
*they get run over by a cunningly set bulldozer*
______________________________________________________________________

Shep: Can we talk?
Garrus: I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
Shep: Oh. Which ones?
Garrus: The good ones.
Shep: Can I join?
Garrus: They won't like it.
Shep: I'll be quiet.
Garrus: Alright. But they are very suspicious of nature.
Shep: Really?
Garrus: Yes.
Shep: Are they ever right?
Garrus: About what?
Shep: Their suspicions?
Garrus: I don't know. Have you seen a dragon running around here somewhere?
Shep: I haven't really looked for one. I can't tell.
Garrus: Oh. Well then I don't know.
Shep: What happens when they get suspicious?
Garrus: Normandy shoots.
Shep: Oh. Shoots what?
Garrus: Wreckage,
Shep: Why do we shoot at wreckage?
Garrus: I don't know. But whenever I see a ship and fire it becomes wreckage.
Shep: Odd that.
Garrus: Agreed.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Shep: Hi Joker.
Joker: Commander.
Shep: How's it going?
Joker: We're almost at the Citadel dock. Not much further now.
Shep: Wait. I told you to go to Omega.
Joker: No, you told me to go to Ilium.
Shep: I thought so. And why are we here?
Joker: Because for some freakish reason you sent me this: *shows a note to Shep*
Shep: What's this?
Joker: You sent me a note saying that you meant Citadel.
Shep: I know.
Joker: Well then-...
Shep: But why are we here?
Joker: Because you told me to go to Ilium! That was Citadel!
Shep: Huh. That doesn't sound like me.
Joker: *over the com* Chakwas, take a look at Shepard. She doing something.
___________________________________________________________________________

Shep: What's wrong?
Chakwas: That's what we're about to find out. The scans show nothing out of the ordinary but Joker tells me that you have been acting strangely.
Shep: He does?
Chakwas: He seemed rather unnerved. More than usual.
Shep: He's usually a nerv?
Chakwas: "Un" nerved.
Shep: Oh. Is it dangerous?
Chakwas: No, it's just an expression.
Shep: Because if he flies into a volcano I'll fire him.
Chakwas: I don't think that you'll need to, if we ever fly into a volcano.
Shep: Well I can't just let him fly wherever he wants with no reprecautions!
Chakwas: Burning in a volcano isn't bad enough?
Shep: I don't know. Depends on what he did.
Chakwas: He flew into it.
Shep: That doesn't sound like Joker.
Chakwas: *sighs* Here, take these.
Shep: What's that?
Chakwas: It'll let you sleep.
Shep: But I'm not sleepy.
Chakwas: These will make you sleepy.
Shep: But what if Joker crashes into a volcano while I'm asleep?
Chakwas: If he does then you can fire him.
Shep: Oh good. I'll have the dragon deal with him.

I snickered, it reminds me of some of the conversations in Hitchhikers Guide. 

[Abrams216]

 Here's another one I've been thinking about for awhile.

TIM:  Shepard, we have new data on the Collectors for you.

Shepard:  In a minute.  Say, think you can do me a favor?

TIM:  Shepard, I brought you back to life, gave you a new ship, pay you, and I am helping defeat the Reapers.  What other "favors" could you want.  

Shepard:  I want you to somehow spread a rumor about some exceptional humans on wherever you hid Orianaa.

TIM:  Miranda's sister?  Why would you want me to intentionally endanger another human colony.  You weren't exactly thrilled when I did it to Horizon.  Besides, Miranda will be a more helpful if her sister remains safe.

Shepard:  You didn't see what she did back on Ilium when we were trying to save Orianna.  She froze this asari, then threw her clear across the room!  

TIM:  So, you want me to endanger her sister so that she will become more powerful?  And people call me ruthless...

Shepard: No, I want to see her do that again.  It was freakin' awesome.

TIM:  You may want to see Dr. Chakwas, you seem stressed out.

Chakwas:  Oh no, Illusive Man.  I agree completely with Shepard.  It was freakin' awesome!  Takes me back to the old days...

TIM:  I'll just forward this data to EDI, let her brief you on my findings.

EDI:  You may wish to reconsider Shepard's request.  Operative Lawson's abilities were freakin' awesome.

TIM:  Oh, come on Shepard!  How many other people think Miranda was "freakin' awesome?"

Shepard:  EDI, how many other crew are onboard the Normandy?

EDI:  Twenty-four permanent crew, Shepard.

Shepard:  And how many throught Miranda was "freakin' awesome?"

EDI:  Twenty-three, Shepard.  Jack was not impressed.
Shepard:  What!?  Well, guess I won't be upgrading the Normandy's armor, now will I? 

TIM:  *facepalm*  Good hunting, Shepard.

Modifié par Abrams216, 23 mars 2011 - 12:19 .

[Sandbox47]

@Dave666 - I know. I ran out of ironcal situations to use so I decided to go for H2G2 humour. It's the second funniest one only behind Dylan Moran's. =)

[Dave666]

Sandbox47 wrote...

@Dave666 - I know. I ran out of ironcal situations to use so I decided to go for H2G2 humour. It's the second funniest one only behind Dylan Moran's. =)

You have excellent taste! I like you already! 

[Spartanburger]

Had this idea for a while:
*Shepard, Tali, Kasumi, Jack and Zaeed are in the mess talking*
Jacob: Sepaaaaaaarrd!!!!!
*Jacob runs in without a shirt*
*Everyone stairs at Jacob for a moment*
Jack: Dayum!
Kasumi *silently punches the air with success*
Shepard: What is is Jacob?
Jacob: I've been robbed.
Shepard: What was stolen?
Jacob: Every shirt I own.
*Shepard glances at Kasumi who blushes slightly*
*Shepard sighs*
Shepard: That's unusual. Gardner, can you get Jacob some new shirts for now please?
Gardner: Yes sir!
*Gardner and Jacob leave*
*Shepard turns to Kasumi and just stairs at her*
Kasumi: What?
*a few second pass*
Kasumi: Fine, I'll give them back. Mostly.

-One week later-
*Same crew is at the mess again*
Jacob: SHEEEEPAAAAAAAARD!!!!!!!!
Shepard: What is it this time, Jacob?
*Jacob runs in completely naked, covering his privates*
Shepard: *Facepalms*
Tali: *Headdesk*
Jack: Oh f*** yes!
Kasumi: *Uncontrolable giggling*
Gardner: *sigh* I'll get the clothes.
Zaeed: This takes me back.





-
Challenge:
1. [crew member of your choice] finds out that [another crew member of your choice] is a famous musician.
Or
2. The entire crew go to a massive rave party on Omega.

[Nimander]

I'm not too talented at this stuff, but thought I'd give it a try:

Grunt: What is this, Battlemaster?

Shephard: It's a party. You enjoy yourself.

Kasumi: Think of it as a big battle. Without the fighting.

Grunt: That makes no sense! How can you have a battle without -fighting-?

Shephard: Trust us.

Garrus: Hell, yes. I'll be by the bar!

Tali: Keelah. Please, don't make us carry you home again. Last time that happened, you drooled on Joker and put him into shock.

Joker: Don't remind me. *shudder*

Jack: I will be over by the **** strippers!

Miranda: Well, you could pass for one. It's not like you wear much in the way of clothing.

Jack: Screw you, cheerleader!

... time passes ...

Grunt (from within a mosh pit): You were right! This is great, Shephard! PARTY! *charges Joker*

Joker: Shiiit! *CRUNCH*

Shephard: Sigh. EDI, alert Dr. Chakwas. Joker will need medical attention. Again.

Joker: Help. Pain. Shatnerian in intensity.

Jacob (running past, chasing Kasumi, who has Jacob's shirt): GIVE THAT BACK!

Kasumi: I won it fair and square! It's my PRIIIIZE!

Shephard: ... I don't want to know, do I?

EDI (over communicators): Shephard, Dr. Chakwas is ready for Joker whenever you want.

Shephard: Come on, Joker. Let's get back to the ship. Where's Mirdanda and Jack?

Kasumi (still playing keep away with Jacob's shirt): I saw them go into one of the side rooms over there!

Shephard (over comunicators): Miranda? Jack?

Jack and Miranda don't answer.

Shephard: They must be getting interference. Oh well.

Jack/Miranda (In unison, looking up from where they were drunkenly making out): We will never speak of this again.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the bar:

Turian: You want to come home and show me what's under that suit?

Tali: Oh, Keelah, not again. No, I don't. *spots Samara* I'm involved. See, that's my girl!

Samara (surprised): Wait, what? Tali, I--

Tali (puts a hand on Samara): Good to see you back. This nice man was saying goodbye.

Samara (after the man leaves): Put your hand there again, and you will lose it.

Tali (realizing where the hand was, blushes): OH!

[kennyv217]

Kasumi: Jacob, I may need to come to the Armory today.
Jacob: No problem. Can I ask why?
Kasumi: My Locust, it overheated and won't cool down.
Jacob: Again?
Kasumi: What do you mean?
Jacob: You came by two days ago with that same issue. I fixed it.
Kasumi: Oh, just forget it!

[kennyv217]

*Miranda walks into Zaeed's quarters*

Zaeed: This may be the last time I see you, Jessie. 

Miranda: Ahem...

Zaeed: *spins around* Miranda! I didn't see you there.

Miranda: It's quite alright. Who are you talking to?

Zaeed: Jessie.

Miranda: *looks around* Your the only one in here.

Zaeed: No, no, no, Jessie is my rifle *motions towards Jessie*

Miranda: You...named your rifle Jessie?

Zaeed: Yeah. I like that name. I liked Bianca better, but that was taken.

[Sandbox47]

Dave666 wrote...

Sandbox47 wrote...

@Dave666 - I know. I ran out of ironcal situations to use so I decided to go for H2G2 humour. It's the second funniest one only behind Dylan Moran's. =)

You have excellent taste! I like you already! 

You say that as if you didn't before. No matter. I shall win the hearts of everyone on the ME forums. And later, if I have time, the DA:O forums as well.

[Dj_atomica]

The crew, with banter?
Well, have a terrible story about shoreleave.

(Shep is in a conversation with TIM)
 FemShep: So, with the Collecters dealt with, I really do think the crew deserves this. They perform well, and you can certainly spare the funds
TIM: I agree Shepard. But a word of warning, try not to cause too much damage. 
Shepard: Agreed. Shepard out.
(Holo fades. Shep is back in Normandy)
Shep: EDI, get everyone in here, even Joker, the engineers, everyone.

(Later)
(Joker steps into a room with the entire crew)
Joker: Sorry guys, It's hard to move to a meeting, y'know, without shattering my bones.
Shep: Edi, is this everyone?
EDI: All Crewmates are in this room Shepard.
Shep: Good. ALLRIGHT, EVERYONE, PAY ATTENTION.
(Room falls silent)
Shep: I know that we've been under some stress lately. And I know the missions aren't entirley safe-
Kasumi: :Like when we had to fight our way out of a Blue Suns base with only 2 paperclips and a screwdriver
Shep: Yeah, I know. So, even though we do some Crazy, unfun stuff-
Garrus: Like the "Diplomatic" visit to that Geth Heretic ship.
Shep: I GET IT! We do some crazy stuff, so I got permission, and a BLANK Check to pay for...
Tali: A trip to the planet of Fiery needles?
Shep: No, we get a week of shore leave on Earth!
(Crew cheers and leaves)
Legion: Information about Shepard-Commander indicate a 97.3% chance of a dangerous incedent happening whilst on earth. 

(Shortly before they exit the shuttle)
Shep: Allright, I got some rules for you guys. 1st: Whoever doesn't make it by the end of the week is left. 2: No murder-
Jack: Damn it
Shep: 3.  No stealin-
Kasumi: Shep, thats like, totally unfair!
Shep: Anything worth more than a million credits.
Kasumi: *Grumbles*
Shep: 4: No starting a multi-species war. And 5. No pursuing [/i]personal vendettas
Zaeed and Garrus: Oh come on, it was one time!
Shep: So guys, have fun!
(The entire crew except the Non Humans and Kasumi run off like schoolchildren)
Shep: Guys, you can all still go, you know, right? This isn't JUST for humans...
Mordin: Hmm, Earth... Primitive by galactic standards. Did not mean to cause offence. Lack of high tech equipment. No tests to be run. Some humans... Hostile since Eden prime and collector attacks. Would rather stay with you.
Thane: I fear that this planet will advance my syndrome, but I could always use a new rifle.
Tali: I'll see if there is anything for my suit. I think now is as good a time as any to shop.
Garrus: I'll go see if there are any Mercs on earth. Don't worry, I'll keep it clean.
Samara: I'll just go and find someplace on this place to meditate. I wonder if there is any beauty and nature to be found nearby...
Legion: Human response to Geth presence is likely to be violent. Would rather stay with Shepard-Commander.
Kasumi: I'll go, but no banks or museums, right?
Shep: Right.
Grunt: Shepard. I know that this is your planet, and you would wish to explore, but I have one request.
Shep: Sure, what is it Grunt?
Grunt: Can we see these Earth things called Sharks?

At the Aquarium:
Grunt. Ha! I bet I could take it in a fight!
Shep: Grunt, Please, don't. These people are Xenophobic enough allready without a Krogan taking on a shark.
Grunt: Shepard, I want one. I really do!
Mordin: Carcharodon carcharias. Great White shark. Deadliest shark there is. Hmm. Could grow child in Grunts tank. Should be enough leftovers from grunt.
Legion: Having a ship pet would both boost morale and be useful in missions underwhater.
Grunt: See Shepard, Pleeease?
Shep: Fine, I'll see what I can do...
Grunt: Yay- I mean, Thanks, Shepard.
(Shepard talks to the Aqarium Manager)
Later...
TIM: Never again Shepard.
Shep: ... What? I gotta pounding headache...
TIM: Let me list it. 13 new rifles, 5 vintage Earth rifles, bribes to keep local police away from investigating an Eclipse members shooting, a thousand shots of various alcohol, The bill for the idiots who tryed Ryncol, a broken vintage sculpture, a shot up daVinci, a warehouse, Funds payed to a salarian hospital team, A private spot of a nature reserve, N7 Code of Honor: Medal of Duty 2: Milenium Dawning, A Frieghter engine, no less than 17 subscriptions to Playboy AND Asari Confessions,  120 bowls of Ramen, 12 prostitutes, and one male one, A T-Rex skeleton, An old Mass Spectromiter, a japanese Katana, a Japanese chef, a Gym to be fitted on the normandy, bids for YOUR old N7 armour and a baby Great white shark. Shepard, This cost nearly as much as the Lazurus project. Not again.
Shep: T-totally worth it.
(Intercom)Joker: Uhh, Commander, We're tied here. Call the shark Commander WrexMcLightning, Or Charon. Yours is the tiebreaker.
Shep: Wrex. Now I'm going to sleep for a long time guys.
--End--

[Ice Cold J]

Spartanburger wrote...

Challenge:
1. [crew member of your choice] finds out that [another crew member of your choice] is a famous musician.

I'll give this a shot.

Shepard walks into the lower parts of the engine room.
Jack: "Damn thing STILL isn't in tune..."
Shep: "Jack?"
Jack, embarrassed and putting somehting away: "Shepard! $#it! Don't you ever knock or anything!?!"
S: "There's no door and it's my ship. Wait... what the hell was that?"
J: "Nothing, mind your own business!"
Shepard stares her down for a while.
J: "(sighs), OK, fine. A while back I was in a punk rock band."
Shepard chuckles a little bit.
J: "F*@& you, Shepard!"
S: "Sorry... just never took you to do anything artistic."
J: "Yeah, well, whatever..."
S: "Can you play anything from the 2160's?"
J: "Umm... yeah, actually. Check this out."
Jack starts riffin' and jammin'. Unbeknownst to her, Shepard has signalled EDI to feed the video to the various crews quarters.
Miranda: "THIS is who we almost got captured for!?!"
Jacob: "She's pretty good... wonder if she ever got a priiize... ?"
Garrus: "Screw the calibrations, this is TOO good to miss. (chuckles)"
Mordin: "(looks up briefly, then goes back to his work) Ugh... loud chords, repetitive tonal patterns, lack of dynamic variation. Unimpressive. Could never have made it in REAL musical theater. (hums to himself)"
Grunt: "(grunts disapprovingly)...wish I was back in the tank..."
Samara: "Should I take action? This COULD be considered 'cruel and unusual punishment?' "
Thane: "Am I cursed to recollect THIS memory perfectly forever?"
Tali: "I know before I said I hated silence, but I sure could use it right about now..."
Kasumi: "Wonder how much that guitar is worth?"
Zaeed: "Ahh... music to my ears."
Legion: "Teammate Jack producing music by striking metal transmitted through magnetic pickups. Intriguing. Perhaps a new form of communication? Will attempt to imitate. (busts out a crazy beat like a mixer)"

[PMC65]

Sajuro wrote...

-Jack goes on anti depressants and becomes happy-

Shepard: Miranda, Kelly told me you wanted to talk with me, is something wrong?

Miranda: -holds up macaroni artwork of her and Jack that says 'best friends 4 ever'- Shepard, we have a problem, Jack made this and gave it to me personally.

Shepard: Is it poisoned?

Miranda: No I checked that already, it's just a normal piece of macaroni art. -goes behind her desk and sits down- do you know what this means Shepard?

Shepard: Yeah, Gardner was lying when he said we're out of macaroni!

Miranda: <_< no, it means that Jack is actually happy, that could have grave consequences for the entire galaxy.

Shepard: I think you're exageratting Miranda. -Jack can be heard singing 'walking on sunshine' from the engineering deck- I'll talk to Chakwas about lowering her dose.

That was too funny!!!! My sides are hurting! Bravo!!!!!!

[A2N2T]

 Been playing a lot of Pokemon White as of late, so I decided to try to put it into Mass Effect.

Shepard walking through the derelict Reaper. Battle music begins to play.
Two wild husks appeared!
Shepard sent out Crazy **** and Dat Ass.
Wild husk used slash on Crazy ****. Critical hit. 
Wild husk used slash on Dat Ass. It missed.
Crazy **** used pull field. Wild husk and wild husk are suspended in the air!
Dat Ass used unstable warp. Wild husk fainted.  Critical hit. It's super effective. Wild husk fainted. Critical hit. It's super effective. 
Dat Ass gained 785xp.
Crazy **** gained 825xp.
Shepard attachs the widow sniper to L3gi0n and keeps walking through the derelict Reaper. Battle music plays again.
Wild scion appeared.
Shepard sent out L3gi0n.
L3gi0n used combat drone. Wild scion is now distracted.
Wild scion used mega shockwave. It missed.
L3gi0n used sniper shot. It's super effective.
Wild scion used mega shockwave. It missed.
Combat drone disappeared.
L3gi0n used sniper shot. It's super effective.
Wild Scion used mega shockwave. L3gi0n fainted. Critical hit. It's super effective.
Shepard sent out ArcGarrus.
ArcGarrus used amor piercing ammo. ArcGarrus' special attack increased sharply.
Wild scion used mega shockwave. It missed.
ArcGarrus used sniper shot. Wild scion fainted. It's super effective. 
ArcGarrus gained 5874xp.
ArcGarrus leveled up to lvl 95!
ArcGarrus wants to learn Calibrations but already knows four moves. Forget a move to learn Calibrations? One, two, and poof! ArcGarrus forgot concussive shot. And... ArcGarrus learned Calibrations!

[Devbo22]

Sovereign: All your base are belong to us
Shephard: Um...yeah... Even the big stupid jellyfish speak proper english!

Modifié par Devbo22, 25 mars 2011 - 06:12 .

[ADLegend21]

Jacob: I'm too sexy for my shirt! *takes off shirt and flexes*
Every woman on the normany: *swoon*
MShep: whatever *looks down and sees boner* O_O......

[sh8dneji]

(Just streach your imagation and imagen that Zaeed is a true soldier ie: with all the guns)

Down in the cargohold

Shepard: So Zaeed do you name all your guns?

Zaeed: Of course Shepard.
(picks up his Phalanx)

Z: This is Phoebe, she likes to go low.
(picks up his Eviscerator)

Z: This is Eva, she likes to speard it around if you know what I mean, heh.
(picks up his Vindicator)

Z: This is Vicky, she likes to hit in threes
(picks up his Mantis)

Z: This is Mandy, she likes to do it in one shot.
(picks up Missile Launcher)

Z: This is Miss Robinson, she likes to make a spalsh.
(sets missile launcer down) So Shepard do name your guns?

S: Well umm...just one, Wendy.

Z: ...What type of gun do you name after a godaam peter pan character?!

S: A Widow

Z: ...On second though that is a good name, talk later Shepard

[ADLegend21]

^haha nice.

[ADLegend21]

thurmanator692 wrote...

More very short story than party banter, but here goes

Jacob heard the Commander over the intercom "3 hours 'till we hit the Omega 4 for relay. Its time to make your peace ladies and gentlemen, it's been an honor"

So it's really time then... Taylor ran his hands over his head. He had been both anticipating and dreading this moment for the past two years. He glanced over at the weapons inventory console. He had cleaned, primed, and callibrated every firearm on the Normandy at least three times. There was nothing he could do now but let those thoughts, those 'what ifs' that he tries so hard to keep out, crawl into his mind.

He began to stretch and lie down on his bunk, thinking. Thinking of his father, maybe had he tried harder, been a better son, his father wouldn't have gone on that last voyage on the Gernsbeck, and stayed home with his familly?

Maybe, had he been faster, stronger, or smarter, all his friends he lost on Eden Prime would still be alive today?

With all his thoughts buzzing in and out, somehow they all drifted back to her.

Why cant I be good enough for her? The thoughts of her made him restless, he got up from the bunk and began to pace, he needed to keep busy, he had to keep his thoughts from her. He took off his shirt and began to excercise like had ceme to do when stressed. he looked at the clock

21:00 Earth Standard Time.

Damn. It had only been 30 minutes, and the workouts were doing nothing to keep the thoughts out. Taylor grabbed his clothes, a towell, and a bag of toiletries and headed to the crew deck for a shower.
May as well die a clean man
After he towelled off and redressed himself into a crewman suit, he left the restroom.
He stopped just short of pushing the elevator button. I have to take care of this. I can't die with regrets, it's too much.
he reached the door to her office and raised a hand to knock.
"****. Here goes nothing."
He gave the door three nervous knocks, hard enough to make his knuckles hurt. Who the hell came up with the idea of metal doors?
The door opened, and she invited him in.

Come hell or high water, she made him proud of the man he had become.

oooooo !!!!!!
although when I first read it I thought he'd be ging to Kasumi's door.

[Made Nightwing]

We realised on another thread that clearly:

Shepard is Hannibal
Kaidan is Face
Wrex is B.A. Barracus
Joker is Murdoch.

Clearly, this needed to be expanded upon.


*FemShepard and Garrus approach Kaidan*

FemShep: Kaidan....I'm sorry. But Garrus was there when I needed him. I hope you won't be upset.

Kaidan: Why would I be upset? With one smouldering look, I can have any woman I want.

*Gives smouldering look to Samara*

Samara: I must confess, your eyes are the most lovely shade of brown.

*Gives smouldering look to Tali*

Tali: Hey Kaidan, do you want to get together and chat about tech?

*Gives smouldering look to Miranda*

Miranda: Soooooooo, ever done it with another Sentinel?

*Gives smouldering look to Jack*

Jack: Are we gonna find a room and ***** already?

*Gives smouldering look to Shepard*

*FemShep gives Garrus apologetic look, then runs to join Kaidan*

Garrus: (Flabergasted) Wha.......? But how......? How did you.....?

Kaidan: Clearly no one told you Garrus, you don't mess with the Face!