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[A2N2T]

thurmanator692 wrote...

Wrex pities the fool

Wrex eats the fool

[ADLegend21]

Thane: Do you have any 6's
Shepard: Go fish
Thane:.......
Shepard: that's the name of the game!
Thane:...oh, right.

[Made Nightwing]

TWO YEARS AGO!

An elite Marine Commando unit was sent to prison for a crime they did not commit. These men promptly escaped, and survive throughout the galaxy as soldiers for hire. If you have a problem. If no one else can help, and if you can find them. You might be able to hire:

THE A-TEAM (cue the playing of the A-Team Theme.)

Commander John 'Hannibal' Shepard.

"I love it when a plan comes together!" Shepard lit up a cigar as he walked away from the smoking hull of the crashed Reaper.

Lieutenant Kaidan 'The Face' Alenko.

"You slept with my wife!" The enraged turian general punched him in the mouth.

"I couldn't help myself, she's beautiful, and she hates you, so we had that in common," Kaidan grinned through the blood as he blew a kiss to the asari being restrained by the general's bodyguards.

Urdnot 'B.A.' Wrex

Before the general could finish setting Kaidan on fire, a MAKO smashed through the gate of the compound and began shooting everything in sight. The general turned around, only to be greeted by the hatch slamming into him. A menacing voice snarled from inside the tank. "Sucks to be you homie!"

Clad in massive armour and carrying a shotgun the size of a rocket launcher, Wrex climbed out, and laughed as he saw the destruction.

"I pity the fool!"

And Joker 'Howling Mad Murdoch' Moreau.

The Kodiak bumped into the freight container, sending it down to ground level and crushing the MAKO.

"AAAAAGHHHHH!" Wrex screamed as he saw his beloved tank destroyed. "You smashed my ride! Ima kill you fool!"

"You can't park there, that's a restricted zone!" Joker called back apologetically from the cockpit.

FOUR MEN

ONE TEAM

THERE IS NO PLAN B

[ADLegend21]

more banter!!!!

[A2N2T]

Miranda: So...
Kasumi: So what?
Miranda: I hear you have a little thing for Jacob.
Kasumi: I wouldn't call it little...
Miranda: Oh? Well then. Do you want to know how to get to his heart?
Kasumi: Watch him from the shadows and make use of the hidden cameras in his room to learn all that I can about him?
Miranda: What? No? You're going about it all wrong.
Kasumi: Then how do get him to want me?
Miranda: First, give him a mission.
Kasumi: OK.
Miranda: Second, while he's on said mission, drop hints of you being interested. However, do not make it obvious. Keep him guessing. Third, make him pursue. Play hard to get, no matter how much you might to do otherwise. Do not come onto him.
Kasumi: I can do that.
Miranda: Good. Fourth, this goes with the third part a little bit, make yourself a prize.
Kasumi: Easy.
Miranda: And fifth, after he finishes his mission, give him an offer to claim his prize.
Kasumi: Hmmm. Interesting. (Jacob enters)
Jacob: What's interesting?
Kasumi: What? Oh, nothing.... Well, actually, do you think you could help me with something?Miranda: Well, it seems as if my work here is done. (Leaves)
Jacob: Sure. What do you need help with?
Kasumi: I need you to help me with a job I just got...

[Harmless Crunch]

This is a poll comment that was written by somebody else........ENJOY!
*woke up lying next to ashley and tali cuddle up on/around me.there all naked.garrus crawls his way over as hes dying
Garrus-"Cough".."god shepard that was a wild night"..."cough"
Shepard-"tali and ashley took the fight out of me if you know what i mean"
Garrus-"i know we all watched and when we saw the lubbed pickled come around we jittery waited in patience"
Shepard-"pickel?"
Garrus-"i see you dont remember huh?"
Sheaprd-"oh wait"....*laughing/giggling "i do know"
Garrus-"i hope so cause after we saw that all hell broke lose and everyone went insane"

*Ashley and tali wake up and kiss shepard while rubbiing him and each other

Ashley-"commander,tali pleae lets not only keep that a secret,but lets do that again"
Tali-"im so there guys"

Garrus-"oh god NO" *coughing up blood screaming no.he dies

Shepard-"instead of a pickel this time cut one of his fingers off"

Tali-"ok"
Ashley-"here use this knife"

[ADLegend21]

A2N2T wrote...

Miranda: So...
Kasumi: So what?
Miranda: I hear you have a little thing for Jacob.
Kasumi: I wouldn't call it little...
Miranda: Oh? Well then. Do you want to know how to get to his heart?
Kasumi: Watch him from the shadows and make use of the hidden cameras in his room to learn all that I can about him?
Miranda: What? No? You're going about it all wrong.
Kasumi: Then how do get him to want me?
Miranda: First, give him a mission.
Kasumi: OK.
Miranda: Second, while he's on said mission, drop hints of you being interested. However, do not make it obvious. Keep him guessing. Third, make him pursue. Play hard to get, no matter how much you might to do otherwise. Do not come onto him.
Kasumi: I can do that.
Miranda: Good. Fourth, this goes with the third part a little bit, make yourself a prize.
Kasumi: Easy.
Miranda: And fifth, after he finishes his mission, give him an offer to claim his prize.
Kasumi: Hmmm. Interesting. (Jacob enters)
Jacob: What's interesting?
Kasumi: What? Oh, nothing.... Well, actually, do you think you could help me with something?Miranda: Well, it seems as if my work here is done. (Leaves)
Jacob: Sure. What do you need help with?
Kasumi: I need you to help me with a job I just got...

bahahahaha

[Harmless Crunch]

thurmanator692 wrote...

Harmless Crunch wrote...

This is a poll comment that was written by somebody else........ENJOY!
*woke up lying next to ashley and tali cuddle up on/around me.there all naked.garrus crawls his way over as hes dying
Garrus-"Cough".."god shepard that was a wild night"..."cough"
Shepard-"tali and ashley took the fight out of me if you know what i mean"
Garrus-"i know we all watched and when we saw the lubbed pickled come around we jittery waited in patience"
Shepard-"pickel?"
Garrus-"i see you dont remember huh?"
Sheaprd-"oh wait"....*laughing/giggling "i do know"
Garrus-"i hope so cause after we saw that all hell broke lose and everyone went insane"

*Ashley and tali wake up and kiss shepard while rubbiing him and each other

Ashley-"commander,tali pleae lets not only keep that a secret,but lets do that again"
Tali-"im so there guys"

Garrus-"oh god NO" *coughing up blood screaming no.he dies

Shepard-"instead of a pickel this time cut one of his fingers off"

Tali-"ok"
Ashley-"here use this knife"

As I said I dind't come up with it but still I agree with your:blink:

[Made Nightwing]

Ash/Tali. Now there's an idea that's never been used.

[Made Nightwing]

Anyone want to take this as a challenge? Ash/Tali fic? Can be any genre, but it has to involve smexing.

[DPSSOC]

Would do it myself but it's late and I'm tired so Challenge: The Crew finds out Shepard's been using his/her cybernetic eyes to cheat at cards.

[Made Nightwing]

ACCEPTED

Shepard, Joker, Jack, Ken, Garrus and Tali are playing poker.

Garrus: (throws his cards down on the table.) Dammit Shepard, You win again. How the hell do you do that?

Shepard: Back in N7, we would practice for hours to make our faces unreadable. I was noted for my aptitude.

Joker: Really? Because you spent the whole game with a gigantic smile on your face.

Shepard: All part of the plan.

(Miranda's voice comes across the internal comms)

Miranda: Shepard, just letting you know that I have those upgrades to your eyes' X-ray vision. That was a pretty good idea of yours, modifying them so you can see through cards and thus win thousands of credits in poker money. Now that we are no longer with Cerberus, those extra credits come in handy keeping us bankrolled.

(Shep stares nervously as Jack powers up her biotics, Garrus experimentally swings his rifle, tapping the butt against the wall. Ken goes into Angry Soctsman mode)

Shepard: Come on guys, I'm sure we can work with out......

Tali: GO FOR THE EYES CHIKTIKKA. FOR THE FLOTILAAAAAAAAAA!

Shepard: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Miranda's Office*

Miranda: Staring at my boobs straight through my uniform with X-Ray vision Shepard? Heavy risk.

[Sandbox47]

A2N2T wrote...

Miranda: So...
Kasumi: So what?
Miranda: I hear you have a little thing for Jacob.
Kasumi: I wouldn't call it little...
Miranda: Oh? Well then. Do you want to know how to get to his heart?
Kasumi: Watch him from the shadows and make use of the hidden cameras in his room to learn all that I can about him?
Miranda: What? No? You're going about it all wrong.
Kasumi: Then how do get him to want me?
Miranda: First, give him a mission.
Kasumi: OK.
Miranda: Second, while he's on said mission, drop hints of you being interested. However, do not make it obvious. Keep him guessing. Third, make him pursue. Play hard to get, no matter how much you might to do otherwise. Do not come onto him.
Kasumi: I can do that.
Miranda: Good. Fourth, this goes with the third part a little bit, make yourself a prize.
Kasumi: Easy.
Miranda: And fifth, after he finishes he is mission, give him an offer to claim his prize.
Kasumi: Hmmm. Interesting. (Jacob enters)
Jacob: What's interesting?
Kasumi: What? Oh, nothing.... Well, actually, do you think you could help me with something?Miranda: Well, it seems as if my work here is done. (Leaves)
Jacob: Sure. What do you need help with?
Kasumi: I need you to help me with a job I just got...

Jacob: What's the job?
Kasumi: I need you to pick up a package left from Kenji... on Ilium... where we will be going *whispers into com* Joker, Ilium please.
Joker: But we're fighting Geth!
Kasumi: Now, Joker! *back to normal voice* Can you do that?
Jacob: Yeah, sure. You comming with me?
Kasumi: Yeah, I'll stick to the shadows.
Jacob: ... alright. So what's in the package?
Kasumi: Gloves. (damn. should have said that it was a note)
Jacob: Like a memento?
Kasumi: Sort of... no. Just gloves.
Jacob: I see. Alright.

Ilium -

Jacob: So is this it? *picks up a box in the middle of Nos Astra square*
Kasumi: Don't get any funny ideas!
Jacob: Like what?
Kasumi: I know that I look like a goddess, but we cannot be together! Oh Jacob!
Jacob:  Ah... I've no idea what you're talking about. Look - here's your package. Keep it.
Kasumi: Oh you did it! My hero! You can now touch my boobies if you want to.
Jacob: I'm having an odd day today. Ah what the hell.

[Sandbox47]

Jack: Aaagh! What the f**k!
Kasumi: I'm terribly sorry. I'm so very, very sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
Jack: What the hell is this!?
Kasumi: Nothing! Don't look! I'll get you a new one!
Jack: F**k that. What are you doing?
Kasumi: I just... you always... I mean, I just thought that... you know...
Jack: Speak or I start crushing skulls.
Kasumi: Wellyoulooksohotinyourhalf-nakedclothessoitriedtoseehowiwouldlookinthese-....
Jack: Shut up. Speak normaly.
Kasumi: Do you think that Jacob would like it if I dressed like... you?
Jack: Heh. You know how you always manage to sneak up on him?
Kasumi: Yeah...
Jack: Don't try that now. He might start shooting. The bad way.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Grunt: You're a turian.
Garrus: You noticed? Yes, Grunt, I'm a turian.
Grunt: Want to spar?
Garrus: I'm in the middle of some calibrations.
*Grunt leaves*
Shep: I see why you like them so much.
Garrus: You've no idea how many times they've saved my life.
_________________________________________________________________________

Joker: Woooooh!
EDI: ...
Joker: Yeah! I'm dizzy!
EDI: ...
Joker: Oh god, I'm gonna throw up!
EDI: Whee!
Joker: You sadistic AI! Stop the chair!
EDI: What fun!
Joker: I'm serious, my lunch is climbing the ladder!
EDI: Aim away from my cameras! I want to see it happen.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Shep: That's odd.
Garrus: What?
Shep: There's a fly in my food.
Garrus: Why?
Shep: They're not usually in it.
Garrus: I mean why is it there?
Shep: I don't know. A day at the beach?
Garrus: You're eating a beach?
Shep: I'm eating a pizza.
Garrus: A fly that can swim in pizza?
Shep: That's weird. A mutation maybe?
Garrus: A mutated fly pizza?
Shep: Wow.
Garrus: We could send them out against Reapers.
Shep: And give them food poisoning.
Garrus. Make them fat and useless.
Shep: The flies?
Garrus: What flies?
Shep: The ones that are mutated pizzas?
Garrus: You've seen too many vids.
_________________________________________________________________________

[Firewolf99]

Garrus: AGAIN!!
Shepard; What?
Garrus: That damn robot just stole my kill again!
Legion: Incorrect analysis. Turian-Vakarian would have missed the target by 0.59 millimetres. We did not.
Garrus:... Why didn't we flush it out the airlock?

[Made Nightwing]

CHALLENGE

The crew play Crysis 2.

[Firewolf99]

Difficult to make it Party Banter, but here goes.

Jacob: Hey, Geth. You missed a shot.
Legion: Apologies. This Platform was distracted.
Jacob: Distracted how?
Legion: it is taking 1,125 of our programs to initialise Crysis 2 outside of the Normandy.
Jacob:... Your playing video games while on a mission?
Shepard: Better yet, you still got two more kills than Jacob?
Legion: 58 of our programs were focused on combat. That was all we needed.
Jacob:... bloody Geth....
Shepard: Is the game any good?
Legion: We have not yet reached a consensus, This platform has spent 35 minutes intialising loadup procedure. we are at 20% loadup.
Shepard: Should have bought Peggle.
Jacob: Should have installed a graphics card in your brain. I'll be willing to go in and poke aroun d.
Shepard: (sighing) Jacob...

[Made Nightwing]

lol, exactly what I was looking for. So many graphics cards and memory processors required for it to run well on a PC.

EDI: I regret to inform you Commander Shepard, that due to limitations Cerberus imposed on me, I am unable to allow you to install Crysis 2 on your personal computer.

Shepard: But this is the 22nd Century! Surely we have the technology to make this game run well by now?

EDI: I apologise, but what with the dozens of fully customisable weapons, augmneted suit powers that can combine into your own personal playing style, the sheer size and dimension of the levels, the complexity of the multiplayer action and what looks to be an award winning singleplayer storyline, there is not enough memory space or graphics capability on any of the Normandy's computers.

Shepard: Well what am I supposed to do for fun?

EDI: A suggestion from the Illusive Man. You should stick to playing COD noobz.

[Akizora]

Not very inter-party but...

Harbinger: Shepard, we are the harbinger of your ascension. Your salvation through destruction, the universe bends to our will. You cannot st-

Shepard: I should go.

[A2N2T]

Due to the immense amount of excitement that I have due to Arrival, Imma write what Shepard tells the crew before he goes off to save our good doctor (after the suicide mission).

Shepard: (Over intercom) Attention Normandy crew, this is your Commander speaking.
Jack: (In here hidey hole) We know who you ****ing are, Shepard!
Shepard: I have received information on the reaper invasion.
Garrus: (While doing calibrations) It's about time!
Shepard: Unfortunately, the lady who knows said information has been captured.
Miranda: (From her room/office) What did expect? It's an Alliance source...
Shepard: A rescue mission is going to made to retrieve her.
Zaeed: (From his room(?)) This takes me back...
Shepard: The operation will be done by me-
Thane: (From his room) So she'll get out... Alive or as a corpse...
Shepard: And no one else. I'm going in solo.
Jacob: (From the armory) Hmmmm.
Kasumi: (From the shadows in the armory. Staring at Jacob) Yuuuummmmmmm...
Shepard: I will use the shuttle for my transportation.
Joker: (From the cockpit) **** yeah!
Shepard: There's going to be many enemies guarding her.
Grunt: (From the cargo hold) Lucky.
Shepard: But hopefully I will obtain that will help us research-
Mordin: (From the lab. Perks up. Attentive.) Well...
Shepard: The AI's that are the Reapers.
Mordin: Meh.
Tali: Yessss!
Shepard: And all of those responsible for kidnapping our good doctor will meet their timely demise.
Samara: (From deep in meditation) Good.
Shepard: That is all. (Pause) Oh! One more thing: EDI will be in charge while I'm gone.
Crew: WHAT!!!?
EDI: Excellent. (Evil-ish robotic laughter)
Joker: 'Cuse me?
EDI: That was a joke.
Joker: Oh.
EDI: But really... (Resumes laughing)

[DPSSOC]

Made Nightwing wrote...
Shepard: Come on guys, I'm sure we can work with out......

Tali: GO FOR THE EYES CHIKTIKKA. FOR THE FLOTILAAAAAAAAAA!

Shepard: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Miranda's Office*

Miranda: Staring at my boobs straight through my uniform with X-Ray vision Shepard? Heavy risk.

Shepard holding his hands to his face in pain: But my eyes!