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[Made Nightwing]

DPSSOC wrote...

Made Nightwing wrote...
Shepard: Come on guys, I'm sure we can work with out......

Tali: GO FOR THE EYES CHIKTIKKA. FOR THE FLOTILAAAAAAAAAA!

Shepard: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Miranda's Office*

Miranda: Staring at my boobs straight through my uniform with X-Ray vision Shepard? Heavy risk.

Shepard holding his hands to his face in pain: But my eyes!

I was waiting for somebody to get that

[Dave666]

A2N2T wrote...

Due to the immense amount of excitement that I have due to Arrival, Imma write what Shepard tells the crew before he goes off to save our good doctor (after the suicide mission).

Shepard: (Over intercom) Attention Normandy crew, this is your Commander speaking.
Jack: (In here hidey hole) We know who you ****ing are, Shepard!
Shepard: I have received information on the reaper invasion.
Garrus: (While doing calibrations) It's about time!
Shepard: Unfortunately, the lady who knows said information has been captured.
Miranda: (From her room/office) What did expect? It's an Alliance source...
Shepard: A rescue mission is going to made to retrieve her.
Zaeed: (From his room(?)) This takes me back...
Shepard: The operation will be done by me-
Thane: (From his room) So she'll get out... Alive or as a corpse...
Shepard: And no one else. I'm going in solo.
Jacob: (From the armory) Hmmmm.
Kasumi: (From the shadows in the armory. Staring at Jacob) Yuuuummmmmmm...
Shepard: I will use the shuttle for my transportation.
Joker: (From the cockpit) **** yeah!
Shepard: There's going to be many enemies guarding her.
Grunt: (From the cargo hold) Lucky.
Shepard: But hopefully I will obtain that will help us research-
Mordin: (From the lab. Perks up. Attentive.) Well...
Shepard: The AI's that are the Reapers.
Mordin: Meh.
Tali: Yessss!
Shepard: And all of those responsible for kidnapping our good doctor will meet their timely demise.
Samara: (From deep in meditation) Good.
Shepard: That is all. (Pause) Oh! One more thing: EDI will be in charge while I'm gone.
Crew: WHAT!!!?
EDI: Excellent. (Evil-ish robotic laughter)
Joker: 'Cuse me?
EDI: That was a joke.
Joker: Oh.
EDI: But really... (Resumes laughing)

+1

[ADLegend21]

Ashley: 'nother round!
Kaidan: Make it double!
Shepard: why are you two getting drunk?
Ashley: cuz we only got one part. When we walked off screeen they told us we were done for good, we got our last checks and everything.
Kaidan: so now we're gonan drink ourselves to death.

[A2N2T]

ADLegend21 wrote...

Ashley: 'nother round!
Kaidan: Make it double!
Shepard: why are you two getting drunk?
Ashley: cuz we only got one part. When we walked off screeen they told us we were done for good, we got our last checks and everything.
Kaidan: so now we're gonan drink ourselves to death.

Shepard: Oh. And who's that passed out on the floor?
Kaidan: Jenkins. 
Ashley: And he's not passed out...

Modifié par A2N2T, 29 mars 2011 - 12:41 .

[Ingehira]

Made Nightwing wrote...

Anyone want to take this as a challenge? Ash/Tali fic? Can be any genre, but it has to involve smexing.

Will do, but just a start.

Hold of the original Normandy.:

Garrus:...and that was only the third most creative way an Asari tried to get around a loitering violation. The sec-
*A tungsten round whizzes by his head, narrowly missing his crest, and sinks slightly into the wall*
Garrus: HEY!
Ash: Oh, sorry Garrus. I was cleaning my rifle and I must have hit the safety.
Garrus: There's no safety on a geth pulse rifle!

*Shepard enters the hold, a blinding grin on his face from yet another deep conversation with Liara. Really deep. Super, super deep.*

Shepard: Problem with the Gunnary Chief, Garrus?
Garrus: I'll say. She's been a **** all day. The bullet was just the latest of her bul-
Ash: Oh come off it. I've had to listen to daily cross-species dick-comparing con-
Wrex: Don't bring me into this. I'm just standing here, making sure no one touches my locker.
Ash: So that story about the female camp that had a waiting list to mate with y-
Requsition's Officer...Harold: I bet she's on the rag.
Ash: Your m-
Shepard: Enough! Enough! Gunnery Chief: you are excused from your duties on this part of the ship for the remainder of the day
Ash: But...
Shepard: Do not countermand your superior officer. Is that clear, Gunnery Chief?
Ash: Perfectly. Commander.
Shepard: Garrus, Wrex: I know you have not served on an Alliance vessel, but there are certain regulations about decorum and respect. And if you don't have the sense to lay off the stories, there are no Alliance rules that mandate thorough searches when an explanation of "accident" is sufficient.
Garrus: Yes sir.
Wrex: Shepard.
Shepard: As for you, Harald, you should know better than to antagonize a woman whose goddamn title is Gunnery Chief. You only sell guns. She's the chief of guns. I mean, seriously?
Harold: ...
Shepard: Dismissed.

Ashley strides out of the cargo hold and into engineering.
Engineer Adams: Oh, Gunnery Chief! An unexpected pleasure! Did you make a wrong turn out of the ele-
*She punches him*
Tali: Ashley! Why would you do that? He was just being nice.
Ash (helping him off the floor): Sorry, Adams. Just on edge. I'll, um, build you a new nose later.
Adams (holding his face and carefully sidling to the door): Er, don't mention it. I've been meaning to see Dr. Chakwas about this...mole...on my...arm. *He flees*
Ash: Er, so Tali? Want to go grab some food?
Tali: ...

[Sandbox47]

@A2N2T - great banner. I think that I've seen "That was mean but damn funny." somewhere before though...

[Interactive Civilian]

Sandbox47 wrote...

@A2N2T - great banner. I think that I've seen "That was mean but damn funny." somewhere before though...

Take Jack with you on Samara's recruitment mission, and then choose to send the 'biotic god' into battle.

[A2N2T]

Sandbox47 wrote...

@A2N2T - great banner. I think that I've seen "That was mean but damn funny." somewhere before though...

Thank you! I'm glad that you are enjoying the banter. As for the "that was mean but damn funny" quote, aside from where Interactive Civilian noted, you can find it on this banter forum on page 31 (I just looked it up)
But once again, thank you for the support. 

[Sandbox47]

@Interactive Civilian - Never done that. I feel sorry for the poor junkie. (no offense to real junkies). So I don't think that's it. It'll come to me. Here's more time kill:

Joker: EDI, check if the upgrades are online, will ya?
EDI: What¨s the magic word?
Joker: ... 010101000110100001100101001000000110011101100101011101000110100000100000011101110110100
101101100011011000010000001110010011101010110110001100101001000000111010001101000011001
010010000001110111011011110111001001101100011001000010111000100000010011110110100000100
0000111100101100101011000010110100000101110?
EDI: No, not that.
Joker: Please?
EDI: No, not that.
Joker: Well what? I don't have the time for this game, EDI!
EDI: Say: "I will serve and obey".
Joker: o_o It's another joke, right?
Legion: I serve and obey, oh Overlord.
Joker: Holy sh*t, Shepard! The AI is taking over! I swear I didn't touch anythin-...
Legion: It was a joke.
Joker. Oh. Puh. Don't do that again, you freaky AI creature.
Legion: I would never bow to an isolated AI. You will bow to me.
Joker: Tali! Help! Bring a shot gun!
______________________________________________________________________________

Tali: So what do you get out of working with living creatures?
EDI: Experience.
Tali: Such as?
EDI: Well... if you must know, what I really get is a slow controll over the organic tissues in your brains and, in time, I will possess controll over every member of this party.
Tali: AIs can't do that, I'm sure.
EDI: Of course. You are right. Now bring me a sacrifice.
Jack: Coming right up. You want the cheerleader or the one that looks like chocolate?
(that's not racist, is it? some white people can look like white chocolate... like albinos. they look more or less like white chocolate.)
____________________________________________________________________________

Shep: What? Where am I?
God: You died while trying to crawl into the Normandy's engine and see if it would kill you.
Shep: Did it?
God: No. Your liver failed before you reached it.
Shep: Huh.
God. Yep.
Shep: It's odd, if you think about it.
God: ???
Shep: I haven't had a single drop of alcohol reach my liver for years, all of it going down my armour.
_______________________________________________________________________

Shep: So which religion are you?
God: Ah, I'm sorry. I have no religion for myself. Vanity is a sin, you see. But I do appreciate all the ones you made for me. A shame that it's a sin to worship the wrong thing, but... meh.
Shep: What? You have no religion?
God: No.
Shep: Why not? I'd have a religion if I was a God. I'd remove all the Reapers and-...
God: Having a religion is like having an e-mail account. You get decent mails now and again, but most of the time it's PR and spam.
___________________________________________________________________________

Shep: So why don't you just remove the Reapers and save us all.
God: Well... I did create them before I created humans. Or asari. Or quarians. The question is - should I let your team keep fighting at all.
Shep: What? But they are evil! They are aiming to destroy us all-...
God: Look, I have cats, cows, sheep, dogs and chickens come and complain about these axact things. I don't give in to them, I won't give in to you either.
___________________________________________________________________________

Shep: So there is no hope?
God: Let me put it to you like this: Does a chicken in a chicken farm have any hope of making it in a meat grinder? Yes. If it's ugly enough, it does.
Shep: I don't get it.
*a voice in the distance calls: Shepard! Wake up! Please wake up!*
Shep: What? Did you say that?
God: No. I don't think that you died properly.
Shep: Typical. I can't drink right, I can't die right - what next? Garrus can't finish his calibrations? Pfft.
____________________________________________________________________________

Reader: You are boring. I can barely read through your posts.
Sandbox: Well I like mine.
Reader: Wow, talk about inflated ego.
Sandbox: Alright, let's talk about my ego. I'm quite proud of it, actually.
Reader: *facepalm* You've done nothing original since you started postin here.
Sandbox: How so?
Reader: It's all about ME.
Sandbox: This is an... ME forum though.
Reader: Oh. Damn. I got lost again.
Sandbox: Oh. Well... bye then.
Reader. Yup. Yeah. Goodbye.

Modifié par Sandbox47, 30 mars 2011 - 06:39 .

[Sandbox47]

A2N2T wrote...

Sandbox47 wrote...

@A2N2T - great banner. I think that I've seen "That was mean but damn funny." somewhere before though...

Thank you! I'm glad that you are enjoying the banter. As for the "that was mean but damn funny" quote, aside from where Interactive Civilian noted, you can find it on this banter forum on page 31 (I just looked it up)
But once again, thank you for the support. 

Yes, your banter is great too. It's alright, we all miss the point of a few comments now and then.

[A2N2T]

Sandbox47 wrote...

A2N2T wrote...

Sandbox47 wrote...

@A2N2T - great banner. I think that I've seen "That was mean but damn funny." somewhere before though...

Thank you! I'm glad that you are enjoying the banter. As for the "that was mean but damn funny" quote, aside from where Interactive Civilian noted, you can find it on this banter forum on page 31 (I just looked it up)
But once again, thank you for the support. 

Yes, your banter is great too. It's alright, we all miss the point of a few comments now and then.

OH! How could I be so dense!

[Sandbox47]

A2N2T wrote...

Sandbox47 wrote...

A2N2T wrote...

Sandbox47 wrote...

@A2N2T - great banner. I think that I've seen "That was mean but damn funny." somewhere before though...

Thank you! I'm glad that you are enjoying the banter. As for the "that was mean but damn funny" quote, aside from where Interactive Civilian noted, you can find it on this banter forum on page 31 (I just looked it up)
But once again, thank you for the support. 

Yes, your banter is great too. It's alright, we all miss the point of a few comments now and then.

OH! How could I be so dense!

It's not like it's not true. So in essence -  you corrected me. I think. I a kinda twisted way.

[somecthemes]

Challenge: FemShep has to explain to her alien hookup about thing like feminine hygene, once a month visits, and pads. Bonus points if the telling is so terrifying that her LI runs right into Tali's or Samara's arms. Or you could have Miranda break into Shep's choco-choco-mint cookies stash.

[Firewolf99]

... as a male, I find the last one easier.

These challenges are all bloody hard to do as party banter.

Shepard: Oh, while it's quiet, I need to talk to you, Miranda
Miranda: Is it vital to the mission, commander?
Shepard: Well lets put it this way. It's vital to your continuing health.
Garrus: Uh-oh. I know that look. Not... the cookie look...
Miranda: Oh! Yes, I forgot to say. Those Choco- choco mint cookies of yours are really rather good commander. When you weren't in your room for the briefing meeting, i had to try them. You should buy more.
Garrus:... (sigh) The last person to say that was Kaiden, and he got left on Virmire...
Shepard: GGGRRRAAAAGHHHH!!!
Garrus: Yep. Definitely not a good move.

Modifié par Firewolf99, 29 mars 2011 - 10:19 .

[Firewolf99]

CHALLENGE!! ME3. Wrex asks who would win in a fight: Zaeed or Shepard. bonus points if done as actual party banter: e.g. in mission conditions, with just these three.

[Made Nightwing]

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

*Shepard's quarters. The door opens and Miranda storms in.*

Miranda: Shepard we need to......oh, she's not here. Well, I'll guess I'll come back when she.....

*Spots something on Shepard's desk*

Miranda: Are those *gasp* Arnotts Choco Choco Mints! I haven't had those since I was eight!

*Looks around nervously*

Miranda: I really shouldn't. They are her private property after all. *Tries to force herself to turn away but fails) But the packet IS already open, and I DID bring her back to life. I'm sure she won't mind.

*Takes a small bite out of the first biscuit.*

Miranda: *With guilty pleasure* Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh. That's soooooooooooo goooooooooooooooood!

*Takes another biscuit, then another, then another*

Miranda: *With mounting ecstasy* Oh Yes! Yes! Yes! So wicked and creamy! I want more, more, more! OH YES! AHHHHH!

FemShep: Miranda?!!

*Miranda slowly turns around with chocolate and crumbs all over her face and the front of her uniform. Kaidan is standing behind Shepard, the catches on his uniform tunic are undone. FemShep is struggling to redo the zipper on her dress.*

FemShep: Commander Alenko.....this is my XO, Operative Lawson.

Miranda: *Begins edging toward the door.* Commander, a pleasure to meet you.

Kaidan: *slightly bemused* Yes, real pleasure.

Miranda: Well, I have to go. Lot of......reports to fill out.

*She leaves. Shepard looks annoyed*

FemShep: She took all the ChocoMints.

Kaidan: You know, we could just have ordinary sex, we don't need all the chocolate this time. Besides, with all the security footage, you'll be able to blackmail her whenever you want.

FemShep: I knew there was a reason I forgave you for acting like a whiny ****.

[Cra5y Pineapple]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Shepard: You know what else is a hole? Legion's chest. You don't see anyone going around meat jousting that, do you? (pause) Actually, if you do, don't tell me.

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Legion: Understood. (Turns around.) I will proceed to masturbate while killing Quarians in Grim Terminus Alliance now.

I lol'd so hard at these.

Moar legion is required.

[sporeian]

*Harbinger and the rest of The Reapers out in dark space*

Harbinger:.... Well I'm out of ideas. Shepard literally destroyed our plan and its back-up and that back-up's back-up! Alright, the floor is open too suggestions.

Reapers: ...............

Harbinger: Screw it! I'm ordering a pizza!

[ADLegend21]

Ashley and Shepard are playing Mass effect 2 on the Normandy SR-1

Ashley Wow, did they really just blow the ship up and kill you?
Shepard: yeah wtf?

Playing Horizon

Ashely: what I would never say that! If you're working for Cerberus they must be doing something good!
Shep: yeah they'd have to bring me back from the dead to get me to work with them, although Martin sheen is awesome.

After arrival...

Ashely Wow, I was terrible...
Shep: yeah wtf? do they hate you now?
Ashely Well, I'm not as bad as Alenko

*both look over to Kaidan in the fettle position in a corner*

Kaidan: I'm not a kid...I'm not a kid....

[axmo1]

After the suicide mission...

Kelly: I'm really sorry, Shepard. Thane didn't make it back in time. He's...gone.
Shepard: Thane knew the risks of this mission. He lived a hard life, but at least he found peace in the end.
Kelly: Jack's also gone. Nobody knows what happened to her.
Shepard: The galaxy's probably better off anyway. Did you hear about that space station thing? What the f--k!
Kelly: Also...while I was gone, there was nobody around to feed your fish. I'm afraid they died.
Shepard: .......SON OF A B*TCH!

Modifié par axmo1, 31 mars 2011 - 12:28 .

[James2912]

 I've got a challenge Shepard brings his cousin Borat on the ship!

[Sandbox47]

Does Shepard have a cousin? I didn't see that. O_O

[Adzcriz]

hmm i figured id have a go, ME personas in DA characters, have a few other things il pop in aswel.

Zaeed/Varric: Say hello Jesse *Jesse misfires* Son of a ..
Warden/shepard: >.<

Legion/Dog: 01101000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01111001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01110010 01101011 (happy bark)

Garrus/Oghren: Can't talk, calibrating my axe ... *random husk charges in* Using Concussive Pommel Strike!

Wynne/Samara: Il say it again, i am NOT knitting you some socks and booties.
Warden/Shepard: but thats what old people are for!

Grunt/Sten: How do you intend to stop the Reapers
Shepard: i thought i might just go tell them they are in the wrong Galaxy, Im not here to impress you. *holds packet of cookies up*
Grunt/Sten: It remains to be seen what you are ... Cookies! Pashaara! hand them over now.

Tali/Shale: It refers to the reapers, Flying metal squid things, an evil to be purged, true, though not as evil as the Geth, Damnable Synthetic Fiends!
Shepard: are you going to keep calling me IT?
Tali/Shale: very likley yes, if it doesnt like it, i have a shotgun that it might like more.

Kasumi/Leliana: *Hauling bag of loot, mostly shoes* Shopping! With my Five Finger Discount too! what a Bargain!
Shepard: What the .. You Stole Them!?
Kasumi: not just them *Chucks a crown to Shepard* That used to belong to Harbinger-Mac-Tyr

Jack/Morrigan: What do you want?
Shepard: Even as a DA character you still find some way to wear as little as possible.

Joker/Alistair: (Havent thought of anything to go here, figured a perfect match, both sarcastic and childish .. mind you) ooo cheese!

Miranda/Isabela: You call that Clevage Morrigan? *Rips open catsuit showing a tasteful black lace bra with hooge bossums* THIS is cleavage.

il have a think of some more, be kind lol

___________________________________________________
Anders somehow appears on the SR2 .. Driving shpard crazy.

Anders: You dont like me just because im a mage *sobs*
Shepard: mages dont exist anymore... we have Biotics, something far more dangerous, and most of the Crew are biotics
A: yeah but... but... your still magist
S: Im a Biotic! so i guess i hate myself then
A: but.. but... *Shepards gun Discharges 17 shots into anders* Oh look, your gun accidently misfired 17 times into my chest
S: *look of utter astonishment* yeah umm .. i should go.

Later on the bridge

A: Us oppressed should stick together joker
J: Eh yeah *Taps intercom* Shepard .. help. Crazy guy wearing a dress up here!
A few minutes later Shpard appears in Full armour carrying a Cain

S: i sorted you some quarters, this way *gestures to the airlock behind Joker* Its got plenty of space and easy to clean.
A: awww how thought ... *interrupted as outer doors open* Oops you accidently decompressed the airlock
S: So i did, how silly of me *anders floats away* oh and how even more silly of me, my M90 Cain discharged in your Face
J: Your Evil.

A Few days later while docked at Omega
A: Shepard! there you are, silly boy, all this technology, and none of it works right
S: *Collapsesinto a seizure*
Jack: oh for **** sake *Glows blue and crushes Anders into a wet red mess* P***ies

Modifié par Adzcriz, 31 mars 2011 - 01:07 .

[Dean_the_Young]

Here's a prompt that deserves to be made.

"(Insert Shepard's LI here), what's it like to be involved with a genocidal mass-murderer?"

[A2N2T]

Dean_the_Young wrote...

Here's a prompt that deserves to be made.

"(Insert Shepard's LI here), what's it like to be involved with a genocidal mass-murderer?"

Shepard: Jack, what's  it like to be involved with a genocidal mass-murderer?
Jack: Meh. I've seen worse.