1554 réponses à ce sujet

[Firewolf99]

Shepard: Miranda, I've done terrible things. I've murdered hundreds of thugs and doomed several races. Can you forgive me?
Miranda: Hang on a minute, I brought you back to life. I Killed half of those people!
Shepard: (pauses) Oh yeah... snap!
Miranda: WHAT HAVE I DONE!!
Shepard: Whoa. Errm... darling?
Jack: hffmm.p***y.

Modifié par Firewolf99, 31 mars 2011 - 06:19 .

[sporeian]

Challenge: Shepard April Fool's his crew

[ADLegend21]

sporeian wrote...

Challenge: Shepard April Fool's his crew

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Miranda: mrph *rolls over in bed to see femshep next to her*AH!
Shep: what? Oh you're awake.
Miranda: Shepard, what are you doing in my bed?
Shep: Oh you don't remember? Last night was amazing.
Miranda: *tries to back away but bumps into something, turns to look and sees Jacob*...oh god.....oh god...
Shep: you said that alot last night. Who knew Jacob was that good in bed.
Miranda: did he at least use protection?
Shep: you told him not to. i was a little weirded out at first, but damn it was good. We should go see Chakwas though, in case you know....
Miranda: *faints*
Jacob: you're evil you know that? *gets out of bed and puts his shirt back on.
Shep: yeah, but it was funny. though.

[James2912]

I've got a challenge Shepard brings his cousin Borat on the ship!

[Dave666]

ADLegend21 wrote...

sporeian wrote...

Challenge: Shepard April Fool's his crew

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Miranda: mrph *rolls over in bed to see femshep next to her*AH!
Shep: what? Oh you're awake.
Miranda: Shepard, what are you doing in my bed?
Shep: Oh you don't remember? Last night was amazing.
Miranda: *tries to back away but bumps into something, turns to look and sees Jacob*...oh god.....oh god...
Shep: you said that alot last night. Who knew Jacob was that good in bed.
Miranda: did he at least use protection?
Shep: you told him not to. i was a little weirded out at first, but damn it was good. We should go see Chakwas though, in case you know....
Miranda: *faints*
Jacob: you're evil you know that? *gets out of bed and puts his shirt back on.
Shep: yeah, but it was funny. though.

+1 Nicely done!

[Made Nightwing]

*Shepard and Ashley are wondering through the Citadel, doing couple stuff*

Shepard: Isn't this wonderful? We've defeated the Collectors, just having some R&R before the next ga....I mean before the Reaper's arrive. It's nice being my own character. Sure, the standard facial model is pretty terrible, but a couple of guys can think up some really cool ones. And Mark Meer's voice acting can get a bit bland, but he pulls it off okay. The nice part is that in some way, I represent the thoughts, hopes and dreams of the college freshman who created me.

MadeNightwing: Thanks Shepard.

Shepard: No problem man.

Ashley: Yep Skipper, life couldn't get much better.

*Suddenly a portal opens in front of them and a skinny fifteen year old jumps out.*

SI Writer: Hey there, I'm a Self Insert Fanfiction Writer. I'm here to romance Tali, become a badass soldier in just a few hours of training, and sometimes use awesome superpowers, 'cos the Protheans chose me, or I used a Magic XBox 360 or something like that.

Ashley: I'm a little confused. Don't you get to project your own personality onto Shepard? That entirely negates the need for a Self Insert.

SI Writer: Hey, I write what I want to write. Doesn't matter that it sounds like I'm ****** to a narcisstic fantasy. Wait, aren't you Ashley? Man, you're such a racist ****. After Horizon, I wished I could go back to Virmire and kill you instead of Kaidan Blandenko.

Ash: **** it. I'm fed up of relying on people realising that I'm meant to be a flawed character who overcomes her suspicions and becomes a better person.

*Pulls out shotgun and shoots the Self Insert in the chest.*

Shepard: Was that really necessary?

Ashley: No, but it felt good.

__________________________________

I kind of despise Self Insert fanfiction. Some make it incredibly funny and worthwhile. Others actually make it pretty awesome and realistic to read. But I just can't accept how most of them:

a) They suddenly just get transported into the ME universe.

Shepard accepts them onto the crew, just because they know the plot of the game.

c) All of them, without exception, end up romancing Tali.

[Mr Zoat]

Shepard accepts them onto the crew, just because they know the plot of the game.

c) All of them, without exception, end up romancing Tali.

Having someone on your crew who knows the future could be quite useful.
c) Why wouldn't you?

[Made Nightwing]

Mr Zoat wrote...

Shepard accepts them onto the crew, just because they know the plot of the game.

c) All of them, without exception, end up romancing Tali.

Having someone on your crew who knows the future could be quite useful.
c) Why wouldn't you?

It's cheesy, makes for deus ex plot moments and happens in every single one of them.

c) Why would Tali want to get with some nerd from the 21st century when (If she's not with Shepard) it's strongly hinted that she and Kal'Reegar have got something going on?

[Sandbox47]

Who writes Self Insert fanfic anyway? And if they romance Tali then their imagination is in need of more juice. It wouldn't be that particularly comfortable to romance her.

[Made Nightwing]

I know.

hey CHALLENGE APPEARS

The crew meets Shepard's public speaking instructor. How else is he able to pull of such epic speakers.

Bonus points if his public speaking instructor is Morgan Freeman.

[Sandbox47]

Challenge accepted!

Tali: Shepard, Garrus keeps telling me about-... Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
Shep: Don't worry. This is a friend of mine.
Morgan: I am glad to meet you.
Garrus; Shepard, Grunt keeps asking me about this -.... Oh. A reunion?
Miranda: The damned convict has reset all my configurations for-... Shepard? Garrus? Morgan? Is this an intervention?
Shep: Ah... this is a bad time for me to help you guys. Can you just ... go back and sit on your hands for a while?
Morgan: Hello, Miranda. I am Shepard's public speaking instructor. Udina though that I should help Shepard, seeing how I helped him as well.
Garrus: You have a public speaking instructor?
Grunt: She does!?
Tali: Yeah, apparently it's Morgan Freeman.
Grunt: Who?
Tali: He's like Jacob only he sounds nicer.
Jacob: Hey!
Miranda: See, Jacob? I told you that Shepard wasn't racist. She just doesn't like you.
Shep: No, I do! You're just...
Morgan: Shepard finds your attitude towards missions and commands disagreeable. She desires, in fact, to see how she can help you change your attitude and has completed several analytical sessions with Kelly on the matter. The leading idea at the moment is to pursuade you to go and speak to miss Chambers yourself.
The crew: Wow.
Jacob: Yeah... I guess... Yeah, I might try that.
Shep: So, now you've had a taste of it can you just ... buzz off?
Tali: Come on! Tell us to buzz of in a nice speechy way!
*Crew looks expectant*
Shep: Ah... *looks at Morgan. He nods* Alright, fine. *pulls out a shot gun* I'll count to three in the most articulate way I can. Then - I start shooting.
Garrus: Aw come on, don't be such a kill-joy-...
Shep: One mississipi.
Garrus: You wouldn't shoot me.
Shep: Two mississipi.
Garrus: There's no way that she'll shoot me.
*months later, Lazarus 2 HQ*
Garrus: Gah, my head. What happened?
Morgan: One of the things I taught Shepard was not to tell a lie straight out.
Garrus: Oh. Could have warned me.
Morgan: True. But I really wanted to see your turian ass get it.
Garrus: Hey!
Jacob: Now do you understand how I feel!?

[Made Nightwing]

ROFLMAO

That is all.

[Firewolf99]

That was pretty funny dude.

CHALLENGE: Garrus and Shepard compare gun sizes. bonus points for weirded out Tali/ Miranda. a point for every innuendo.

[ADLegend21]

thurmanator692 wrote...

Sandbox47 wrote...

Who writes Self Insert fanfic anyway? And if they romance Tali then their imagination is in need of more juice. It wouldn't be that particularly comfortable to romance her.

If i did SI fanfic, i'd romance Gardener.
he washes his hands. most of the time

I'd go for Emily Wong in a SI, that's a damn fine journalist

[ADLegend21]

@Sandbox HA! that was amazing XD

[Michoss]

I read it in Morgan Freeman's voice. Damn.

[lovgreno]

Mordin and Thane talking with Kasumi spying on them.

Mordin: Problematic.
Thane: Yes.
M: Jacob kidnapped, need information. Must plan rescue, but too many variables!
Kasumi: *Gasp!*
T: I have scouted the location. Perhaps my memories can help you form a plan. *Memory lapse* Jacob, chained and naked in a room.
K: ....
T: Desperately whispering Kasumis name.
K: Squeee!
M: Odd. Heard what the humans define as "fangirl squee". Proably EDI exploring Jokers collection of exotic *cough* entertainment again.
T: A infiltration mission is required. Sadly my cloaking skills are far from good enough for this.
M: Only one choice.
T: Yes, Kasumi.
Kasumi starts to nosebleed.
M: Ah, the classic "stereotyped reaction to sexyness". *Inhales* Just as expected. Thane, I belive you have been what the humans refers to as "owned".
T: Indeed. You have proven that you can make Kasumi nosebleed. You have won the bet. Here are your five credits.
Jacob enters the room: Kasumi? what is wrong? Are you hurt?
K: Ehehehe! Nonono! I will be fine. *Growls at Mordin* I will get you for this...
Mordin: Yes, heard that before. *Smiles smugly*

[jamesp81]

Firewolf99 wrote...

That was pretty funny dude.

CHALLENGE: Garrus and Shepard compare gun sizes. bonus points for weirded out Tali/ Miranda. a point for every innuendo.

Scene takes place in the armory.  Shepard and Garrus are in the back, Tali and Jacob are up front near Jacob's duty station.  Shepard and Garrus are standing near a table looking down.

Shepard: Which do you think is better Garrus?
Garrus: I dunno.  Mine's got a lot more length but I think yours has a lot of width.
Jacob and Tali: (share epic WTF look)
Shepard: But yours is so unwieldy.  It's too long to get into tight spaces.
Garrus: Yeah, reminds me of that one time on Omega...
Shepard: Don't I know it.
Garrus: But Commander, yours can't go the distance.
Shepard: True, but it sure is nice to have when I push my way in somewhere.
Garrus: Yeah, like that time we went to Chora's Den on the Citadel.
Shepard: Exactly.
Garrus: You think Tali would like it?
Shepard: Oh I know she does.  She got to test drive it just two days ago.
Garrus: Nice......
Tali: FOR KEELAH'S SAKE SHEPARD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE IN PUBLIC!
Shepard and Garrus: *stunned silence*

Shepard: *holds up Geth Plasma Shotgun* I was just talking about how much you enjoyed using this new Geth shotgun......

Tali: I'll be in the engine room.  If you hear any strange noises coming from the engines, that's just me dying of embarassment.

This was a poor effort, my apologies:blush:

[Firewolf99]

jamesp81 wrote...

Firewolf99 wrote...

That was pretty funny dude.

CHALLENGE: Garrus and Shepard compare gun sizes. bonus points for weirded out Tali/ Miranda. a point for every innuendo.

Scene takes place in the armory.  Shepard and Garrus are in the back, Tali and Jacob are up front near Jacob's duty station.  Shepard and Garrus are standing near a table looking down.

Shepard: Which do you think is better Garrus?
Garrus: I dunno.  Mine's got a lot more length but I think yours has a lot of width.
Jacob and Tali: (share epic WTF look)
Shepard: But yours is so unwieldy.  It's too long to get into tight spaces.
Garrus: Yeah, reminds me of that one time on Omega...
Shepard: Don't I know it.
Garrus: But Commander, yours can't go the distance.
Shepard: True, but it sure is nice to have when I push my way in somewhere.
Garrus: Yeah, like that time we went to Chora's Den on the Citadel.
Shepard: Exactly.
Garrus: You think Tali would like it?
Shepard: Oh I know she does.  She got to test drive it just two days ago.
Garrus: Nice......
Tali: FOR KEELAH'S SAKE SHEPARD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE IN PUBLIC!
Shepard and Garrus: *stunned silence*

Shepard: *holds up Geth Plasma Shotgun* I was just talking about how much you enjoyed using this new Geth shotgun......

Tali: I'll be in the engine room.  If you hear any strange noises coming from the engines, that's just me dying of embarassment.

This was a poor effort, my apologies:blush:

Not poor at all. V.V funny in fact. If i could double quote, I'd say the same to the other one as well. great work guys!

[Made Nightwing]

CHALLENGE

FemShepard, Miranda, Tali and Garrus meet up after the Reaper War along with their Love Interests. All three are retired and married. Bonus points if FemShep's married to Kaidan and the other three have very unlikely partners. Can be humorous or sad and reflective.

[Schattengarde]

This threat has prompted me to actually register for an account. Thanks to all you guys and gals for making a fun read.

Just a quick one to start off with:

FEMSHEP is sitting in the crew mess of the Normandy SR2, idly poking at something GARDNER referred to only as, "It's Salarian Fusion, try it," when the elevator dings. A moment later, GARRUS hobbles around the corner, headed for the main battery. He pointedly does not make eye contact.
SHEPARD: Looks up. You doing alright, Garrus?
GARRUS: Hmm? Yeah, just fine.
SHEPARD: You don't look fine. Are you hurt?
GARRUS: Mandible twitch
SHEPARD: Garrus?
GARRUS: Remember that story I told you? The one about how turians blow off steam?
SHEPARD: Yeah. You couldn't settle it with a fight so you--
GARRUS: Settled it in her quarters, yes.
SHEPARD: Don't tell me someone's flexibility outdid your reach.
GARRUS: ...For the record, when Tali says, "I've got a shotgun," ...it's a euphemism.

[Made Nightwing]

So ****ing wrong.^